Chapter 1

“Good lord, Jakey,” Todd whistled as we watched the chaos from afar. “This wreck makes my room in the castle look like a germaphobe’s.”

The imp wasn’t wrong. Cupi, Gula, Todd, and I were standing at the top of a large hill as we stared down at the small town below. Debris littered the streets of the city, composed mostly of hunks of brimstone, metal, and glass. Windows were broken, signposts were torn out of the ground, and the walls of the dwellings were peppered with elephant-sized holes. The citizens of the village must have bunkered themselves up inside, because not a soul was out and about during the disarray.

I’d made a lot of changes since I’d killed Azazel and became King of the Fourth Circle. The first order of business was to eliminate the “medieval” aesthetic he’d forced onto the entire landscape. Now, the residents of the Fourth Circle got to live their lives as modern citizens, with electricity, running water, and houses made of metal and brimstone instead of wattle and daub.

Thanks to the leadership of Daniel, the Shade who had led the band of freedom fighters who helped me defeat Azazel, the people met this change with the utmost enthusiasm.

Then again, how could you not be enthused when the ruthless demon who had been torturing you for centuries was usurped?

“What’s our plan of attack?” Gula asked aloud. “I’ve hunted plenty of creatures down here, but I’m sorry to say I’ve never encountered a Behemoth before.”

“We have to tread carefully,” Cupi warned. “These things may look like big, lumbering brutes, but they’re actually pretty intelligent. They were one of the first creatures the Exalted One created, after all.”

“Then how the hell did it end up down here?” I questioned. “Shouldn’t it be on some isolated tropical island or something like that back on Earth?”

“Perhaps,” the fit blonde succubus continued, “but the Exalted One created the Behemoth before any other living thing in the universe, and it refused to obey him. Having a creature this powerful and intelligent that refuses to listen to the highest power of the land? That obviously wasn’t going to work. He banished it to Hell and then started over on the rest of the living things.”

“Ohhh,” Todd mused. “So the Behemoth was a beta test? One that went horribly wrong.”

“Sounds like it,” I agreed with a chuckle. “But then, how did Azazel figure out how to control it down here?”

“He used mind control,” Cupi explained. “All of the creatures in the Fourth Circle, from Leviathan to this Behemoth to the vargrats, were held in check by a powerful telepathic spell. Now that he’s dead, they’re running rampant. Why do you think we’ve had to respond to so many incidents lately?”

“That explains a lot,” I sighed.

The succubus was right, this was far from the first incident we’d had with wild animals since I’d ascended to royalty. A few weeks ago, there was a violent infestation of bats that had plagued the village of Sadon. Then there were the vargrat attacks in Helena and Doran, as well as the case of the mermaids trying to drown everyone in the port city of Tybalt. We’d been able to stop all of those rampages fairly easily, but I could already tell this one was going to be a much bigger challenge.

When I finally saw the Behemoth, my fears were confirmed.

A deep, mighty roar echoed through the streets of the city, and then the creature burst forth through the wall of a gas station with a spray of rubble.

The monster was nearly fifteen feet tall and five feet wide, with thick and rubbery dark gray skin. Cupi had warned me before its hide was so thick, regular weapons couldn’t pierce it, and only our Hellfire magic could do any damage. Even though the monster’s skin was leathery, it hung over its body like a series of armored plates for maximum protection, and four stubby, muscular legs nearly as wide as tree trunks carried its momentum forward.

The Behemoth’s head was like nothing I’d ever encountered before. It was elongated, yet still rounded at the sides and wide enough to cover the girth of its body. It had a giant white horn on each side of its skull that curved out in front of it like an angry bull as well as a large, sword-like appendage that sat just above its nose. Strangely enough, underneath each of the side horns was a human-like ear composed of the same leather hide as the rest of its body. When it finally opened its mouth to bellow, I noticed the Behemoth only had eight teeth in its mouth, four massive incisors and four equally large molars.

One thing was for sure. Getting caught up in those jaws was an instant death sentence.

“That’s one ugly motherfucker,” Todd observed. “I’d say it’s a face only a mother could love, but now that we’re seeing it up close, I bet she saw it for the first time and demanded they put it right back in! I wonder how that works with the horns and all … ”

“Focus, Todd,” I commanded. “We need to stop that thing before it causes more damage to the city. I didn’t spend all this time rebuilding the Fourth Circle just so it could be destroyed by Azazel’s pets.”

Todd summoned red Hellfire into his hands and then engulfed his body with black magic.

“So what’s the dealio?” he asked. “Do we go for the weak spots between the flaps of skin? Does he have an ‘instakill’ button somewhere on his body?”

“We’re not trying to kill him,” I reminded the team. “We’re going to go for a non-lethal takedown.”

“Non-lethal?” Gula gasped. “On that thing? I’m not even sure if the God Bomb could bring it down.”

“The God Bomb is out of the question,” I shot back instantly. “We used that to defeat Azazel, but we’re really, really lucky Lucifer hasn’t sent his minions to investigate so far. If what Cupi has told me is true, using Divine magic in Hell is breaking so many metaphysical laws.”

“It’s true,” Cupi acknowledged. “I’m surprised you haven’t been summoned to the Ninth Circle yet. The last time somebody used Divine magic down here, Lucifer fed them to a pack of vargrats.”

“That’s actually not as bad as I would have thought,” I pondered aloud.

“Oh, that’s not all,” the blonde succubus continued. “The vargrats were commanded to leave the perpetrator alive. Then, once he was all beaten and bloody and his body was covered with open wounds, Lucifer tied him to a couple of horses and dragged the poor soul over a field of salt. Then, once that was done, the Prince of Darkness quartered him using the same horses.”

“That’s still pretty--”

“Slowly,” the succubus added with a grim nod. “You could literally watch all of his tendons and flesh tear away from their joints as he was ripped apart. The whole process took five minutes. At least, that’s what Sister Superbia has always told us. I wasn’t there personally.”

“See?” I turned to Gula. “We can’t use the God Bomb.”

A chunk of brimstone hurled in our direction, and the four of us were just able to duck out of its way before it smashed into the soft ground behind us.

“Okay,” Gula panted as she placed her hand over her heart. “Non-lethal. On that thing. Got it.”

“It’s not his fault he’s rampaging,” I argued. “Just think … if we do this right, that little guy will be our pet. You’ve always said you wanted us to get an animal.”

“I was thinking more like a cat or dog,” Gula mused as her face contorted into disgust. “Or even a rat or a snake. Really, anything but that ugly thing.”

“Come on, Firecracker,” Todd giggled, “if nobody ever loved the ugly creatures, my mom would have never fucked my dad. And then the world would be short one Toddster.”

“That’s not a world I want to live in,” I laughed and played along with the imp.

“We need to focus,” Cupi hissed. “If we don’t stop him soon, he’s going to cause even more mayhem.”

“Alright gang,” I said as I motioned for them to huddle. “I’ve got like, eighty-percent of a plan. Cupi and Todd, I want you to keep the Behemoth contained. He’s already made a huge mess, but it’s mostly been contained to this part of the city. It’s you guys’ job to keep it that way.”

“Aye-aye, Jakey,” Todd said with a salute, and Cupi followed with a nod.

“Gula,” I ordered as I turned to the curvy redhead, “you and I are gonna be the heavy hitters in this situation. We’re gonna throw everything we have at the beast and try to weaken him enough so we can capture him. Then, we’ll take him back to the corral near our castle.”

Gula rolled her eyes. “And then he can be our bestest friend,” she sighed. “I get the gist.”

“Good.” I nodded one last time. “Let’s get to work.”

Without missing a beat, Cupiditas summoned forth her black angel wings with a flash of purple Hellfire. Then the succubus made a running start for the edge of the hill, leapt up into the air, and took flight.

Todd was right behind her, but his movement was much less graceful. The imp dashed toward the ravine as fast as his tiny legs would take him, and he waddle-ran until his feet went over the edge. He must have timed the jump poorly, because he let out a grunt of surprise as he tripped over his feet and tumbled downward. Seconds later, the imp’s body zipped up into the air, guided by his black Hellfire.

I glanced down at the Unhallowed Sword sheathed against my side, but quickly decided it wasn’t the right weapon to use. The jet-black sword packed a punch strong enough to take down the dragon Leviathan, so it would easily make short work of the Behemoth.

That was about as opposite of “non-lethal” as you could get.

Instead, I opted for my khopesh, an enchanted weapon modeled after the ancient Egyptian blade. It was a short sword made of pure silver, but what really made it come in handy was the fact that the blade was segmented into three sections. The blade started out straight, and then it curved into a “c” shape before returning to a more subtle curve at the top. This made the khopesh lightweight, swift, and easily used to disarm.

I summoned red Hellfire into my hand and then moved it across the blade.

As I readied my weapon at my side, I saw Gula summon her massive, double-sided battle axe. It was probably the most powerful weapon any of my succubi had, and I was extremely glad it was fighting for our side.

Then both of us let out a battle cry as we charged down the hill and into the chaos below.

The Behemoth was already focused on Cupi and Todd, both of whom were floating just above the ground a few yards away from the creature. He grunted angrily as he stomped his feet into the pavement like a bull about to charge, and then he barrelled forward, directly at the imp.

Seconds before Todd was skewered on the monster’s horns, he zipped to the right and out of harm’s way.

The creature smashed into a nearby wall and sent rocky debris flying in all directions.

“Toro! Toro!” Todd cackled as he positioned himself behind the creature and used his flaming red hands as a makeshift banderilla.

The Behemoth pulled its head out of the wall, jerked its body back around to face the imp, and bellowed in rage. Specks of green spittle flew from its mouth as it roared, and then it charged Todd once again.

“Ole!” the imp exclaimed as he flew up and out of the way of the attack.

This time, the creature’s gait wasn’t halted by any physical structure. Now, it was charging directly at Gula and I.

“Hold your ground!” I commanded as we continued to approach. “We need to get as close as possible to make this count.”

Gula looked horrified, and I didn’t blame her. She may have been the mighty hunter of the Fourth Circle, the woman responsible for going out into the Hunter’s Plains and catching food, but she’d never encountered a monster like this before.

As the gleam of the Behemoth’s horns grew closer, I started to get a little bit nervous, too.

Once the creature was about ten feet away, I gave the command.

“Now!” I grunted, and Gula and I both shot off in separate directions.

Before the creature could halt its momentum, I flipped around and blasted it with a handful of yellow Hellfire-encased shuriken. At the same time, Gula unleashed a red fireball nearly double the size of her body.

Both of our attacks hit the monster square in the side, but neither of them had any lasting effects. The shuriken bounced off his thick, leathery hide harmlessly, while the wave of incendiary Hellfire simply caused the beast to slightly stumble to the side.

Small chunks of pavement were tossed into the air as the Behemoth skidded to a stop, turned around, and stared us down. Now that we were closer to the beast, I could see its eyes were sunken-in and beady, and its armor-like skin was covered with textured ridges all around his body.

The monster looked back and forth between Gula and I, and then it slowly began to saunter forward.

“Why isn’t it charging?” Gula asked with a twinge of fear and confusion in her voice.

“I don’t know!” I admitted. “Cupi said this thing was smart. Maybe it’s trying to confuse us?”

As if right on cue, the monster took a step toward me and then instantly whipped around, lowered its head, and ran full-speed at Gula.

It all happened so fast, there was no time for the redhead to get out of the way. She raised her hands in front of her face as she braced for impact.

I wasn’t going to let that happen.

Instantly, I summoned forth my purple Hellfire and used it to create a two-story wall of protective flames. The Behemoth smashed into the barrier, and the impact of the blow caused me to stumble forward and my spell to flicker.

Fuck, this thing was strong.

The creature reared up on its hind legs and began to smash its flat feet into the wall repeatedly. Each blow felt like a twenty-pound sledgehammer against my body, and I didn’t know if I could hold my spell for much longer.

“Yo, ugly!” Todd whistled from above and unleashed a hailstorm of tiny fireballs. “If there’s one good thing about you, it’s that your body isn’t as ugly as your face!”

The tiny projectiles crashed into the Behemoth, but they seemed to do little damage. He continued to thrash against my shield.

Suddenly, Cupi swooped onto the scene with her enchanted polearm in hand. Then the fit succubus zipped down and lodged the blade of her weapon into the creature’s eye.

The Behemoth let out a wail of pain, flung his head to the side, and sent Cupi somersaulting backward through the air. She caught herself on her wings, but I could see her leather armor had been ripped straight across the chest to reveal a deep, bloody gash.

However, her plan worked. The creature’s full attention was now on the woman who had just blinded him.

“Non-lethal!” I hissed at the blonde. “You’re going to get yourself killed if you keep doing shit like that!”

“It got his attention, didn’t it?” Cupi argued. “Sia can heal him up once he’s in our care.”

Before I could argue any further, the monster took a running start, squatted down ever-so-slightly, and then launched itself into the sky. The thing may have been squat, but holy fuck, did it have a set of leg muscles. The Behemoth’s jump put him within striking distance of Cupi, and his muscular jaws snapped shut just below her feet. As the massive monster landed against the ground, the impact sent a shockwave across the landscape that knocked Gula and I on our asses.

“Jesus,” Todd exclaimed in disbelief. “This guy doesn’t skip leg day, bro.”

The imp darted down toward the Behemoth and did a quick strafing run. He released fireball after fireball as he passed the creature, and each of the tiny red projectiles hit its mark.

The beast shook its head in annoyance and snapped at the flying imp, but he was much too slow.

As I pulled myself to my feet, I noticed a thick concrete wall about a hundred feet away. It was the side of a massive stadium, the kind that used to house the Fourth Circle’s annual jousts before we took over. The walls of the renovated coliseum had to be at least five feet thick to support such a massive load.

That gave me an idea.

“Guys, get him over here!” I commanded my team.

Todd and Cupi were now up in the sky on either side of the beast, and they both hurled fireballs in an attempt to corral him back toward me and Gula.

The monster shrugged off the attacks as he grew increasingly flustered, but he didn’t budge. Finally, the two airborne members of my team flew in my direction, and the monster ran behind them in hot pursuit. Todd and Cupi flew off in opposite directions, but the Behemoth didn’t know which one to follow.

We were going to give him an answer.

With her axe still in hand, Gula clapped her hands together and slowly created a large ball of flaming mass. She let out a loud yell of frustration as she released the attack, and the fireball smacked the rampaging monster directly in the side of the head.

He stumbled to the side, shook off the attack, and then charged the redhead.

“Ya know, Jacob,” Gula started as she readied her battle axe, “I’ve been watching a lot of baseball lately, and I’ve been thinking of starting up a softball league down here. You’ll have to tell me if my swing is good enough.”

When the Behemoth was just a few feet from the succubus, Gula swung her mighty axe and smashed it against the monster’s head as hard as she could. There was a dull thunk, and the bulk of the creature was knocked out of her path and directly toward the concrete wall.

I looked deep down into the pit of my stomach and tried to summon up my bronze flames. I thought about how it was unfair such a majestic creature was being forced to destroy things, all because that fucker Azazel had it under his spell. I thought about how Todd, my women, and I were all stuck here in the Fourth Circle with no way out. How, if we didn’t find a solution, we’d be stuck here for all eternity.

That was pretty fucking unjust.

The bronze Hellfire spread across my left hand, and I launched it at the concrete wall. The second my spell struck the colossal structure, the rocky material began to vibrate violently as its atoms were split apart and it became ethereal.

The Behemoth passed through the now transparent wall, but I timed the release of my spell perfectly so it would capture the monster in the thick concrete. Once the bronze flames subsided, the beast’s momentum was halted, and he was trapped inside of a makeshift, rocky prison.

“Holy fuck,” I panted as my friends ran up to my side. “I didn’t think that would work. Also, Gula? I think that swing put Derek Jeter to shame.”

The redhead blushed and looked at the ground bashfully.

“Stoooop,” she giggled.

“Uh, guys?” Todd interrupted. “I hate to rain on your little flirting parade here, but I don’t think that thing’s gonna hold.”

“What are you talking about?” Cupi chuckled. “That structure is as solid as a--”

Before she could finish her sentence, cracks began to form in the concrete around the creature’s hind end.

“Son of a bitch … ” I muttered as I watched the monster begin to shake free of its prison. “Guys, get behind me!”

The next thing I knew, the Behemoth’s body lurched forward and out of sight. As it disappeared, the cracks in the wall started to stretch all the way up the side of the coliseum, and the structure began to groan intensely.

I threw up a barrier of purple Hellfire around us as the first massive chunk of concrete fell from the structure. It was followed by a landslide of rubble, some of which fell around us harmlessly and some of which smashed violently against my shield. By now, I was able to dispel something as simple as falling rocks with next to no effort, and once the last piece of debris had fallen, I released my violet flames.

“That didn’t work out as well as I’d hoped,” I sighed and looked around for any sign of the creature.

“Well, you’re about to get another shot,” Cupi exclaimed as she pointed toward the massive gap in the side of the coliseum. “Here he comes!”

There was a deep, guttural growl as the monster broke through the pile of rubble and tossed chunks of concrete into the air as if they were made of styrofoam. This thing was probably the physically strongest creature we’d ever faced, but there had to be a chink in its armor somewhere.

“Any more bright ideas, Jakey?” Todd asked hopefully as the creature approached.

“I’m gonna look for a weak spot,” I growled.

“How the fuck are you gonna do that?” Cupi demanded.

I stepped in front of the team, summoned forth purple Hellfire, and then slapped my glowing hand against the breastplate on my torso. Instantly, the spell spread across my body and formed a sort of enchanted suit of armor made of pure protective Hellfire. Then I readied my khopesh and crouched down.

“I’m going for a ride,” I announced.

I didn’t even try to move as the Behemoth closed the distance. Instead, I waited until the last minute and then dropped down, threw the curved end of the sword around the top of the beast’s snout, and grabbed the tip with my other hand as I latched onto the Behemoth.

The creature grunted with frustration as he lifted his head up and then pushed me down against the ground.

I could feel the pavement underneath my back cracking, and the air was filled with an ungodly screech as the enchanted metal dragged against the rocky ground.

Yet, I held on.

When the monster realized his first strategy didn’t work, he stopped himself in his tracks, raised his head up toward the sky, and began to slam me against the ground as hard as he could.

Though my armor held up against the blows, the impact sent waves of pain shooting up my spine. I had to do something, and I had to do it quickly.

In one fell swoop, I threw my armored arm into the beast’s open jaws, flipped my khopesh around in my other hand, and began to slash wildly at the underside of the Behemoth.

The bottom part of the creature was made up of soft flesh, and he wailed in agony as dozens of cuts appeared on his belly. He roared with rage, and I pulled my arm out of his mouth just as his powerful jaws snapped shut.

Then I fell down against the ground as I continued to slash at the monster’s throat and stomach.

The behemoth was now making inhuman sounds of fury as he suffered a literal death by a thousand cuts. Finally, he raised up on his hind legs and aimed for my chest.

I rolled out of the way seconds before his front legs shattered the pavement as if it were made out of a wet paper towel.

Todd and Cupi darted by my position and unleashed another wave of Hellfire to distract the beast.

The Behemoth let out a labored roar at the passing attackers, and I could tell he was starting to feel the effects of our battle.

Of course, so was I.

My entire body felt like it was on fire, and my breaths were now coming out in short, sporadic heaves. The armor around my body was flickering as it threatened to disappear, and I feared I couldn’t take any more blows from the heavy creature.

But, maybe I could use its own weight against it.

The Behemoth turned back to me, and the two of us locked eyes. Gone was the semi-annoyed gaze of an untamed beast who just wanted to be left alone. Now, the monster’s dark pupils were filled with pure rage, and he looked like he wasn’t going to stop until he ripped me limb from limb.

He started to approach, but Gula’s axe caught him in the top of the head before he could make a move. The Behemoth’s jaw cracked into the pavement violently, and miniscule pebbles of concrete spewed into the air.

Before the redhead could react, the monster flung his head up wildly and knocked her axe out of her hands and into a nearby grassy knoll where it stabbed into the ground. Gula tried to jump backward, but she was just a second too late.

The tip of the Behemoth’s armored snout caught her in the gut, and she let out a cry of agony as she was thrown into the wall of a nearby building.

“Gula!” I gasped as I watched her smash through the window of the office building and disappear out of sight.

I needed to end this, and I needed to end this now.

I summoned green Hellfire into my hands and tried to surround the Behemoth with its emerald glow. The flames appeared around the beast’s legs, but sputtered out when it got to his lower body.

I needed to boost my power, and fast.

I closed my eyes and tried to think about all the things we’d experienced since we’d been in Hell. I thought about all the backstabbing that went on down here, not only by the different Demon Kings and Queens, but even by the common Shades like Black Bart the pirate. I thought about how we were stuck down here with no way out, with no way on checking on my cultists or any of my family back on Earth Realm. I thought about how much pain and suffering went on in the other Circles, and how I was basically powerless to stop it from happening.

As I grew increasingly disgusted with the universe, I felt my power level begin to surge. Suddenly, it felt like a ton of weight was resting in my hands, and I opened my eyes to see the Behemoth floating in the air.

The creature flailed around as it tried to escape my jade flames, but it was no use.

I had the fucker right where I wanted him.

Now, all I needed to do was use his own weight against him.

I grunted as I raised the Behemoth even further into the sky. The pavement beneath my boots was beginning to crack from the weight of the monster, but I had to keep going. I lifted the monster about two hundred feet into the air, and then I released my spell.

He kicked his legs wildly and tried to get himself upright, but he wasn’t quick enough. The Behemoth smashed into the ground, and the resulting impact caused both a crater and a shockwave that shattered the windows of the nearby buildings.

“That had to do something, right?” Cupi’s voice asked with concern.

There was silence for a moment, and then I saw the beast slowly pull himself to his feet.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” I sighed. “He took a hit like that, and he’s still standing?”

“He might still be standing,” Cupiditas observed, “but he’s looking pretty worse for wear. We just need to finish him off.”

“Bro,” Todd gasped. “I totally have an idea. The most badass, fucking awesome idea I’ve ever had.”

“Okay … ” I muttered as I raised my eyebrow at the imp.

“Like, the coolest fucking thing you’ll ever see in your lifetime,” Todd continued. “Something that looks like it’s ripped straight out of Die Hard or Fast and the Furious or some shit like that.”

“What is--”

“Something I’ve always wanted to do, but never had the chance to--”

“Todd!” Cupi and I exclaimed in unison.

“Oh, right,” the imp said as he shook his head. “You see that gas station over there? Big, dumb, and ugly is standing right next to it, and I think he’s not going anywhere in a rush. You’re all tuckered out from the fight, but we all have fireballs … ”

I saw where he was going with this. I wanted to argue with my friend, to tell him his idea was needlessly excessive, even if it was going to look badass. But I was too fucking exhausted. I wanted the battle to be over, and I wanted to get back to my castle. I looked over at Cupi, and then I nodded with a sly smile.

“You heard the imp,” I commanded. “This bitch is toast.”

Todd let out a high-pitched squeal.

“Jakey just made a reference!” he gasped. “I’m so proud.”

The three of us summoned red Hellfire into our hands, hauled back, and launched the deadly projectiles in the direction of the Behemoth. However, it wasn’t the massive creature we were shooting for.

It was the set of gas tanks behind him.

Our spells hit the tankers, and they instantly exploded into a huge wall of orange, red, and blue flames that engulfed the Behemoth like an incoming tidal wave. The monster bellowed in pain and then went silent. The fire continued to spread up the metal canopy that stood over the gas pumps and set the entire building ablaze.

Cupi quickly put the fire out with a cast of her blue freezing magic, and the building was left mostly unscathed.

The same could not be said of the metal canopy, which now was a completely melted wreck. Most importantly, the Behemoth was now down on its side, and it was breathing heavily.

The monster tried to lift its head, but it was too weak.

“I think that did the trick,” I laughed as I high-fived Todd and Cupi. “Now we just need to get him back to the castle before he wakes up.”

The sound of shifting rubble and breaking glass arose behind us, and we all turned to see Gula emerge from the building she’d been flung into. The succubus had minor scrapes all over her body, but nothing life-threatening. As she approached, she rubbed her head groggily.

“I’m going to have a headache for a month,” she moaned as she rejoined our group. “How the hell am I going to do my cooking show if I’m overly sensitive to the lights?”

“We can worry about that later,” I reassured the redhead. “Right now, we just need to call up our Shades and see if they can transport the big guy back home.”

Todd walked over to the melted metal pole of the gas station and rapped on it curiously.

“Huh,” he mused, “so fuel really can melt steel beams. I’ve got a lot of apologies to make on the internet, bro.”

“I’m sure you do,” I couldn’t help but laugh at the imp’s predicament. “You’ll have to do a Tuesdays with the Toddster segment on it once we’re back on Earth Realm.”

I said the words cheerfully, but there was a hint of gloom in the back of my mind. I didn’t even know if we could get back to Earth Realm. Even more concerning … I was wondering if I even wanted to go back.

Chapter 2

Once the Behemoth was down, my team and I went around and informed the Shades their city was safe and that they were now free to come out of hiding. For the small price of a few extra helpings of Gula’s vargrat stew, a large group of Shades offered to band together and carry the unconscious biblical beast back to our castle.

Todd, Cupi, Gula, and I arrived via boat, so we bid our friends ado and then returned to our vessel. The trip across the River of Souls was fairly uneventful, and within an hour we were back to our new home.

The large, black castle stretched over the horizon, and I couldn’t help but admire my new palace. We’d left the exterior mostly unchanged, with its shiny black brimstone and medieval architecture. The only thing that was radically different was the former spire, which had been destroyed during our final battle with Azazel. With the help of the Shades, we’d rebuilt it to its former glory, but with one modification. Now, at the top of the enormous tower, sat a large radio transmitter.

I was the new King of the Fourth Circle, and I wanted to show my subjects I wasn’t an evil bastard like their last king had been. According to my vague memories of my college business classes, the best way to do that was through communication. The tower was the home to a small studio, and every morning I would relay a greeting as well as any announcements the Shades needed to hear.

Throughout the rest of the day, my friends made use of the tower in their own ways. Invidia, the gothic Sister of Envy, used it to broadcast the music of all of her favorite punk rock, grunge, and emo bands. Every other day, Gula would use the studio to broadcast her own cooking show where she would instruct Shades on how to get the most use out of the limited resources available down here in the Fourth Circle. When Libidine got her hands on the station, she treated listeners to karaoke renditions of her favorite songs. Cupi and Sia acted as news anchors whenever there were new developments in our realm, and Todd tried to bring his hit podcast Tuesdays with the Toddster to the people of Hell. Unfortunately, the imp struggled to find an audience with the Shades, as they already knew all about the goings-on of the paranormal world.

Tris, on the other hand, refused to do anything. She claimed doing any sort of broadcast was “too much work,” so she spent most of her days hanging out on the couch, smoking a blunt, and watching footage of the other Circles in Azazel’s all-seeing mirror.

“If ever so humble, bro,” Todd laughed and slapped my arm playfully. “There it is, Jakey’s Castle. Home sweet home.”

“We really gotta figure out another name for that place,” I retorted as the castle grew larger on the horizon.

“How about ‘The Fortress of Badassdom?’” the imp suggested.

“Too superheroy.” I shrugged.

“What about ‘The Black Keep?’” Todd continued as he made a picture frame with his fingers. “Or even ‘Castle Black?’”

“Those are both some major trademark infringement,” I laughed.

“I really don’t think you gotta worry about that in Hell, bro,” my friend shot back, “especially in the place where you’re the ruling king. Besides, if anyone came after you with legal issues, the Toddster would be there to take ‘em on.”

“Look at you,” Cupi snorted in jest, “you take on a few cases of overdue parking tickets, and you suddenly think you’re the best lawyer in the universe.”

“Am I not?” the imp gasped. “Did you even see how I handled my last client? He was bitching about how the website didn’t work and how it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t pay his ticket. So ya know what I did? I hit him with a ‘you can’t handle the truth,’ and cracked him like an egg!”

I rolled my eyes as I turned my focus back to the approaching castle.

Unfortunately, even though I could bend the Fourth Circle to my very will, it was still one of the Nine Circles of Hell. The Shades who were down here were judged by the Exalted One to be greedy souls, and the laws of the universe required they be eternally punished. It was right there in the bylaws Sia and Ira had spent countless nights examining. There was no way out of it. If I wanted to be the King of the Fourth Circle, then I needed to punish my subjects.

Ira, no surprise, was all over the idea. Hell, she even offered for her Dom half to be appointed as the Master of Torture under my rule. However, that wasn’t going to be necessary.

Sia had found a loophole that allowed me to be a much more benevolent ruler than the previous King. All of the Shades in the Fourth Circle needed to be punished, yes. The Shades who were sent here were those who lived a life full of sinful greed, and their torment had to match their crime. However, there was no clause in the Charter of the Fourth Circle that stipulated how they needed to be punished. Azazel forced them to live in a society without money and with little material possessions while also forcing them to fight each other for his own personal amusement.

So, what was Jacob Ralston’s grand, sadistic mode of punishment?

Excessive fines.

Now that the cities of the Fourth Circle were up to modern standards, they needed a modern police force. Actually, calling the Financial Enforcement Unit a “police force” was a little much. The FEU didn’t even have weapons, and they were on a first-name basis with most of the people they watched over. Of course, it was their job to dish out fines related to parking violations, jaywalking, disturbing the peace, and stuff like that, but they were pretty timid toward their fellow Shades.

The FEU officers handed out so many ridiculous fines that the courts were packed to the brim with Shades trying to appeal their violations. And who was at the center of it all? None other than the Toddster himself.

My best friend acted as both the appeals judge and lawyer representing my regime.

And he loved every single second of it.

Our small ferry finally reached the dock we’d built for it at the bottom of the castle, and we exited cautiously. Once we had taken over Azazel’s dwelling, we set to work creating a port for our interdimensional boat, as well as a place where our friend Charon could dock if he ever came to visit. There was a large wooden pier that jutted out into the moat around the structure, and then an enchanted door that led to a staircase that took us up to the main level of the castle.

“I still think this is a security risk,” Cupiditas sighed as we ascended the rocky stairs. “If anyone other than Charon found out about this entrance, they could exploit it and break into our castle without anyone noticing.”

“The chances of that happening are slim to none,” I reminded the succubus. “First, the person would have to find out about the secret entrance, and Charon is the only person who knows about it other than us. He’s a neutral party--”

“Chaotic neutral,” Todd corrected.

“Sorry,” I continued. “Charon is a chaotic neutral party, and one who skews slightly to our side. He’s not going to blab. Secondly, the only way to travel safely along the river of souls is to have a magic boat. Who, aside from Charon and us, has one of those?”

“Nobody, I guess,” Cupi sighed as she crossed her arms.

“Exactly,” I reassured the fit blonde. “I think you might just be overthinking this.”

“It is my job,” she reminded me with a playful pout. “I’m the head of the militia, after all. I wouldn’t be doing my duty if I wasn’t pointing out all of the security issues of this place.”

“The castle survived a siege from the Father of Warfare and a literal army of magical demons,” I reminded her. “I think it’ll hold up just fine.”

We passed through the main landing of the castle, which we had completely redone to fit our own tastes. Gone were Azazel’s neon signs and gaudy velvet carpets, replaced with tasteful wooden floors and walls with a regal red and yellow paint job. There was an official portrait of myself directly next to the grand staircase, and portraits of all of my friends were scattered around the gigantic room.

Most of them were fairly standard, with the subject holding a weapon or wearing a cape or something traditional.

Then there was Todd’s.

The imp insisted his official portrait portray himself as six-feet tall, with the muscles of a bodybuilder and flowing brown locks that would have put Fabio to shame. He stood atop Leviathan, with a blunt in one hand and an assault rifle in the other.

It was totally him.

“Have you seen Invidia lately?” I asked my friends as we passed the portraits and started walking up to the second level. “She keeps disappearing after her broadcast time is over.”

“Unfortunately, Sister Invidia isn’t much of a socializer,” Gula explained. “She never has been. She was always the one to lock herself away in her room with her books and her music and relax all by her lonesome.”

“She might be a tough nut for you to crack, Jakey,” Todd whistled. “Goth girls love playing hard to get. It’s like, their second nature.”

“Please,” Cupi scoffed. “Vidia has already shown more interest in Jacob than she showed Azazel in several millennia. She might act like she’s not interested in you, Jacob, but deep down I can tell she is.”

“Who wouldn’t be?” Gula added with a coy nudge. “He’s like, the perfect human specimen, and now he’s got a full harem of succubi and the title of King!”

“Speaking of which, ‘your highness,’” Superbia’s voice interjected as she came around a corner. “There is a matter I need to speak with you about. Do you have a minute?”

“He’s got all the time in the world, Superbia,” Cupi greeted the madame with a smile. “I was just about to head off to do some training exercises with the Shades.”

“An exercise?” Sia asked with a raised eyebrow. “So soon? You just got back from taking down the Behemoth.”

“I’ll rest when I’m dead,” Cupi shot back with a shrug. “Toodle-loo!”

The fit blonde succubus spun around and strutted toward her wing of the castle. My eyes couldn’t help but wander down to her tight ass as she walked away, and it was all I could do to keep my jaw from hitting the floor.

“I think I’m going to take a breather, as well,” Gula spoke up. “I know I said I’d whip up a batch of cookies for our weekly meeting tomorrow, but--”

I placed my hand lovingly on the redhead’s cheek to cut her off.

“Gula,” I smiled warmly, “don’t worry about it. You’ve already done enough today, you should go get some rest.”

A deep blush came across the Sister of Gluttony’s face, and then her eyes lit up as she nodded in agreement. The succubus turned around and bounded away toward her quarters.

Gula’s dwelling was probably the one I was the least familiar with. I knew her bedchamber quite well, but the redhead had asked me to have the rest of her quarters fitted with top-of-the-line kitchen equipment. She spent many hours in her wing of the castle, whipping up all sorts of fabulous confectionary concoctions and incredible entrees.

It was like we had our own personal chef.

“So, what’s the deal, Sia?” I asked as I turned back to the Sister of Pride.

The succubus madame shot me a frown, and then she held up a large rolled-up paper.

“This is our problem,” she sighed. “These are the blueprints for my revamp of the area that used to be the Lake of Fire. I figured if we redeveloped it into a sort of ‘resort,’ we could offer Shades vacation days for good behavior. That would increase morale tenfold.”

“I love it,” I said as I clapped my hands together. “This is why you’re our Urban Developer, Sia!”

“I appreciate the flattery, but that doesn’t solve our issue,” she continued. “There are still remnants of the liquid Hellfire rumbling beneath the surface of the ground.”

“We’ve been over this before,” I explained. “The Lake of Fire was one part of the Fourth Circle that had to remain mostly intact. The Charter clearly states it’s a staple of this place, so it must remain in its current location for all of eternity. The best I could do was create a chasm and force it underground.”

“I think you’re both looking at it the wrong way,” Ira’s voice spoke up from behind us.

I turned around to see the breathtaking Sister of Wrath standing on the staircase.

The succubus wore a green halter top that hugged her massive breasts and pushed up her cleavage. She also had on a pair of tight grey slacks, and she completed her ‘professional attire’ with a blazer of the same color. Her black hair swayed back and forth as she made her way down the stairs.

“What are you thinking, Master of Torture?” I said coyly.

Even though I didn’t want to be as brutal as Azazel had been, I still needed somebody to come up with all the different forms of inconveniences that were going to plague my subjects. Who better than the succubus of Wrath?

Ira strutted over to our position and placed her hands firmly on her hips.

“I love your resort idea, Superbia,” she admitted. “I really do. But if the Lake of Fire is non-negotiable, then why don’t we use it for something else? Maybe something a bit more … sadistic?”

“The issue is, we need to get people out of the city,” Sia argued. “The Circles of Hell might be a never-ending void, always expanding to fit all of the sinners of the world, but if we want maximum efficiency in our infrastructure, we need to start developing new settlements.”

“Not to mention, the smell,” Todd added as he plugged his nose. “Ya remember how bad it smelled in that freshman locker room, Jakey? The one where we had fifty sweaty teenagers crammed into a tiny space with no ventilation? Picture that, but on a city-wide scale, and with a lot more feces.”

“I really didn’t want to picture that,” I admitted, “but it makes sense.”

“Why can’t we have both?” Ira asked as a coy smile spread across her lips. “We can build a new settlement on the former Lake of Fire, and we can do your resort somewhere else.”

“Build a settlement on the Lake of Fire?” Sia scoffed. “The heat from the underground would be unbearable.”

“It’d be a dry heat,” Ira shot back jokingly. “Besides, that would be the point. The Shades who live there would always be in mild discomfort. Doesn’t that fit our mantra? To inconvenience, but not torture?”

“Crazy Eyes is onto something.” Todd nodded and pointed at the Sister of Wrath.

“Actually, I kinda dig it,” I admitted. “That’s not something I would have come up with in a million years.”

Ira bowed, and her breasts nearly popped free of her halter top.

“You’re welcome,” she giggled.

“I suppose I could live with that compromise,” Sia conceded. “But I still want to look into expanding the ports in Tybalt. We could make a lot more money if we allowed the pirates from the other Circles to sell their wares here. These Shades were sentenced for being greedy, after all.”

“After what Black Bart pulled on us, I never want to see another pirate again,” I groaned. “But I’ll consider it. Keep up the good work.”

Both of the succubi grinned as I gave them a small nod, and then I turned around to head upstairs. Fighting the Behemoth took a lot of energy out of me. Not to mention, I was constantly exhausted thanks to my newfound responsibilities of being King. If I was quick about it, I could probably sneak in a power nap before the Shades arrived with my mythical creature delivery.

Todd and I continued up the stairs until we came onto the third level of the castle.

This was the “shared living room” of the building, complete with all the furniture, games, and books we were able to scrounge from the rest of Hell. Tristitia was laying on the couch nonchalantly with a blunt in her hand as she watched the images in the magic mirror.

“Anything good on, Slothy?” Todd asked curiously as he ran over and plopped down on a nearby chair.

The Sister of Sloth just sighed.

“I dunno, dude,” she muttered. “All the Circles have been unusually boring today, so I flipped it over to a rerun of our battle with Vermis the Devil Worm.”

“Wasn’t that the one where I went all Super Saiyan, blasted a hole through the worm’s chest, and then ripped his heart out Kano-style?” Todd questioned as he bounced up and down on the couch excitedly.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Tris giggled and pressed “play” on the remote.

Meanwhile, Libidine was sitting off to the left in a chair. The curvy Sister of Lust had her nose buried in a book, and she barely noticed me as I approached.

I crossed my arms over my chest, shifted my weight, and then cleared my throat obnoxiously.

“Hello, Jacob,” Libidine said playfully without looking up.

“Whatcha got there?” I asked as I bent down and squinted at the title of her book.

Magia est Facilis

Or, in English, “Magic Made Easy.”

“Brushing up on your abilities?” I prodded. “You’re already head and shoulders above everyone else in the group when it comes to mind control.”

“Thanks,” she mused as she finally looked up at me, “but I’m trying to see if there’s any way for me to discover new powers. I always feel like I’m not contributing to the group as much as I should be.”

“Liby,” I reassured the succubus, “your yellow Hellfire and your telekinetic powers have gotten us out of more jams than I can possibly count.”

“I know,” she sighed. “But I figured maybe I could become the bookworm of the team, you know? Like a walking Thesaurus of magical information.”

“Easy there, Lib,” Todd warned jokingly. “The only walking dinosaur with magical knowledge around here is me.”

Both of the succubi and I stared at the imp in silence, and then realization spread up his face.

“A Thesaurus isn’t a dinosaur, is it?” he asked aloud, even though he already knew the answer. “Never mind me, I’m just gonna hang my head in shame for awhile.”

“Anyways,” Liby continued, “I’m just trying to find my niche in the group. Everyone else has an obvious role, and I wanted to figure out mine.”

“Does being my original succubus not count?” I flirted with the dark-haired woman. “Remember, when I wrote that note to Lilith, the one that laid out my innermost desires, she sent me you. There’s a reason you were my first succubus. We were made for each other.”

“Stopppp,” Liby shot back bashfully.

“It’s true,” I promised. “You already have your niche, Liby. You’re the one who started it all, and my original love. You can’t have a better role than that.”

“Uh, I’d say ‘Beast Tamer’ is a way more important role, bro,” Todd interjected, but then he shrunk when he realized he had interrupted our moment. “But, uh, nobody asked me.”

“Shhhh!” Tris hissed. “This is the part where I pumped the worm full of lead.”

Suddenly, I heard footsteps rushing up the stairs. Before I knew it, Cupi’s fit figure was standing at the top of the staircase, and the succubus was nearly doubled over.

“J-Jacob,” she panted. “There’s a figure approaching.”

“Is it Eligor?” I asked curiously. “She was going back to report to Lilith, but I was expecting her back any day now.”

“It’s definitely not Eligor,” Cupi continued with a grim tone. “It’s Dolo.”

The room went eerily silent, and I looked around at my friends with confusion.

“What the fuck is a Dolo?” I asked aloud.

“Dolo is Lucifer’s right-hand demon,” Libidine gasped. “He only appears to Demon Kings when he’s carrying a direct message from Lucifer himself.”

My heart sank into my stomach as I felt the color drain from my face. Was this it? Did Lucifer find out about my Divine powers? Was he going to demand my presence?

This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all.

I stood up and followed Cupi down to the main overlook at the castle’s edge. Tris, Liby, and Todd came with us, as well, and we were soon looking out over the side of the black walls.

Below us stood a mischievous looking demon. He was only about five feet tall, with a large, crooked nose and two all-black beady eyes. The demon was built like an acrobat, with a lanky figure and a head that looked like it was double the size of his body. Atop his bald dome sat a pair of horns that must have been no more than a few inches in length. He had on a loincloth made of burlap, but nothing else.

“Greetings, oh King of the Fourth Circle,” Dolo began. “Lucifer has heard of your great deeds, and he wished for me to visit you at once.”

“At once?” I called out. “I’ve been ruling over the Fourth Circle for five months now.”

“You must understand that five months is but a drop in the bucket of eternity,” the demon continued. “My master has been busy with much more … pressing matters. Now, if you’d please let me in, I have a message for you.”

“Why can’t you just tell us from here, bro?” Todd asked sarcastically. “We’re all ears.”

“Because, imp,” Dolo sneered, “that’s not how this works. In Hell, Demon Kings show courtesy to their peers, especially the ones who represent Lucifer himself.”

I thought the situation over in my mind for a moment. It was unwise to just open the gate and let in a demon I didn’t know. But, on the other hand, pissing off Lucifer right out of the gate wasn’t in my best interest, either. It sounded like I had gotten away with my little Divine spell, so maybe it would just be best if I bit the bullet and got this over with.

“Let him in,” I commanded. “I want to hear what he has to say.”

Cupi and Libidine dashed over to the large cranks that operated the door and began to turn them vigorously. There was a loud, metallic clanging as the drawbridge lowered and then smashed against the ground with a heavy thud.

“As soon as he’s inside, put it back up,” I warned the succubi as Todd, Tris, and I made our way down to meet Dolo.

The demon walked into the courtyard of the castle, looked around, and then whistled.

“You’re made a lot of improvements, I see,” he mused as we approached. “Azazel never really was one for style, I suppose.”

The three of us halted and stared down the five-foot demon.

“What is your message, Dolo?” I commanded in an authoritative voice.

“I assure you, my friend,” he said as an evil smile crept up the corners of his mouth. “It’s a very, very important one.”

Dolo tensed up his body and threw his arms out to the side. The second he did so, his red skin began to bubble, and his figure began to stretch and grow. A bushy tail sprouted out of his rear, and striped fur began to appear all across his body. Most curiously, his arms and legs morphed from fleshy appendages into four curved, razor-sharp swords that glowed bright with an ectoplasmic magic. When all was said and done, there was a half-human, half-ferret creature standing in front of us.

The creature formerly known as Dolo raised his swords in the air, and a small funnel of wind kicked up below his figure and raised him into the sky.

“Aw, fuck,” Todd gasped. “It’s a shape changing Kamaitachi. I thought those things only existed in anime.”

“I’m afraid not, imp,” the assassin cackled. “My real name is Sora, but I do come bearing a message. Jacob Ralston, your reign as the King of the Fourth Circle is about to be cut short.”

Chapter 3

Without another word, I leapt into action. I drew the Unhallowed Sword from its sheath, enchanted it with a wave of red Hellfire, and then readied it at my side.

At the same time, Tris called forth her pistols.

“I was really looking forward to having the day off,” she mumbled to herself.

“Uh oh,” Todd cackled. “You’re standing between Slothy and her TV. Men have died for less than that.”

“The only one who will die here is you!” Sora hissed and lunged forward.

The assassin took a swing at me with his front leg swords, but I was able to catch them with my own black blade. Simultaneously, he whipped his hind legs into the air and twisted them around to attack Todd and Tris, but both of my friends were able to dodge out of the way before they were diced by the razor-sharp weapons.

Tris came up firing, but Sora was able to twist his body around and knock away the bullets with his lightning-fast reflexes.

Of course, his actions also left him wide open for an attack.

Todd launched a series of tiny fireballs at the Kamaitachi at the same time I swung at it with my Unhallowed Sword, but somehow, some way, Sora was able to duck beneath the fireballs and dispel my blow with a flick of his back legs.

I summoned red flames into my hands. There was no way this fucker could survive a point-blank blast of Hellfire to his face. I reared back, but before I could release my spell, I felt a gust of wind rush up from underneath my body. The massive fireball shot off into the sky, and my sword flew out of my grip and clanged against the ground harmlessly.

My vision was completely blocked by the swirling funnel of dust and wind that surrounded me, and I felt my body being lifted up into the sky like a ragdoll. Then, as quickly as the funnel had begun, it disappeared. I hung in the air for a second and then began to plummet.

Directly down toward Sora’s waiting blades.

Yeah, not today, asshole.

Using one hand, I threw out a portal of green Hellfire in front of my falling body. In the other, I called forth my yellow flames and prepared for the attack.

I passed through the interdimensional gateway and then reappeared directly behind the bastard. Without hesitation, I unleashed a slew of yellow shuriken into the back of the assassin’s skull.

Sora let out a high-pitched squeal of agony, but he didn’t go down. Instead, he spun around like lightning and struck me in the chest with two of his blades.

Thankfully, I was still wearing my armor, so the blow only caused me to stumble backward with a spray of sparks. If not for my breastplate, my guts would currently be hanging outside of my body. I reoriented myself and took another swing at the fucker, but he easily dodged my blade with a quick sidestep.

Before he could retaliate, I heard a handful of loud “pops.” The assassin spun around, lifted up his hand, and caught the incoming bullets with a gust of wind.

Now was my chance to disarm this asshole. Literally.

While the Kamaitachi was distracted, I raised the Unhallowed Sword up above my head and brought it down as hard as I could against the creature’s left shoulder.

There was the sound of slicing flesh followed immediately by a sharp, metallic clang, and my sword bounced off. Sora’s arm was still attached to his body, but there was a gnarly gash on his shoulder. Blood spurted from the wound as the assassin shrieked in pain and whipped around to face me.

As he turned, the bullets from Tris’ gun came with him.

I ducked down to the ground as fast as I could, just as the bullets zipped over my head and nearly missed spilling my brains on the ground. Before I could make another move, the Kamaitachi threw out his hand, and I was blown backward by a powerful gust of wind.

I smashed into the ground and skidded across the rocky surface until I finally rolled to a stop. As I pulled myself to my feet, I saw my breastplate was dented and scratched beyond redemption. I briefly considered summoning my purple Hellfire armor, but that would have limited my mobility.

And when you were facing an assassin as nimble as a Kamaitachi, agility was not something you could afford to lose.

As I dashed back to the battle, I saw all four of my friends were engaged with Sora. Cupi was on the ground, zipping around the assassin and lashing out at him with her polearm. Meanwhile, Todd was hovering above, launching down tiny fireballs while screaming “feel the thunder!” Tris kept her distance, but she would chime in with the occasional round of bullets when she thought her target was distracted.

Libidine was up close and trying something new. Her hands were aglow with the yellow Hellfire of hatred, but she wasn’t tossing projectiles like she normally did. Instead, it looked like she had summoned her enchanted daggers into her hands and were using them as a sort of makeshift spiked gauntlet. The dark-haired succubus was never a master of hand-to-hand combat like Cupi was, but it looked like she was holding her own against Sora.

More importantly, though, Sora was holding his own against them.

The Kamaitachi assassin was moving as gracefully as the wind he summoned as he knocked away the polearm, dodged Liby’s blows, and flipped and twirled out of the way of Todd and Tris’ projectiles.

He was taking on four opponents at once, and it didn’t even look like he was breaking a sweat.

Maybe we just needed the element of surprise.

As Liby reared her spiked hand back, I threw up a portal of green Hellfire in front of her. She must have gotten the gist of the maneuver, because she continued with her follow through, and her hand passed through the interdimensional portal. It reappeared behind the assassin’s head, and he let out a wail as the back of his skull was impaled.

Liby’s attack threw the assassin off his mark, and he was instantly assaulted by fireballs, the polearm, and a few bullets.

The Kamaitachi screamed, but he didn’t fall. Suddenly, he began to twirl is body around in a circle at rapid speed, and he created a miniature tornado of wind and razor-sharp blades.

I threw up a wall of purple Hellfire just as he lunged at Liby, and the deadly twister bounced off my shield harmlessly.

He went for Cupi next, but she was quick enough to backflip into the air and dash away on her wings.

“Why isn’t he going down?” I growled as I ran up to my friends. “He should be missing an arm and a brain at this point. The Unhallowed Sword can cut through anything.”

“You see that glowy shit around his arms?” Todd asked as he floated over. “That’s lovely ectoplasm magic that cancels out Hellfire. Kamaitachi bones are made of the same shit as their blades, bro. It’s like you didn’t even watch the anime I sent you.”

“It was five-hundred episodes,” I admitted with a twinge of shame. “I really didn’t have the time to spare.”

“No excuses,” the imp shot back. “I’ve seen each of those episodes at least twenty times. And now I know everything there is to know about Kamaitachi. So, who really gets the last laugh here?”

“Him, if we don’t figure something out!” I yelled.

The whirlwind of blades came back around, and we all scattered like bowling pins as it zipped between our group.

I rolled across the ground, sprang up to my feet, and summoned forth my bronze Hellfire of judgement. My eyes followed the deadly twister as it tore across the landscape of the Fourth Circle, and I unleashed a beam of the spell directly in front of the whirlwind.

The ground in front of Sora splintered open to reveal a massive crevice, and the spinning ball of deadly knives fell down into the chasm.

As his body fell downward, I summoned forth my green Hellfire, spread it around the edges of the chasm cliffs, and forced them to close around the Kamaitachi’s body. The roar of his miniature tornado rumbled beneath the ground as the rocky earth beneath my body shook violently.

“That’s not gonna hold for long, bro,” Todd mused.

“No,” Cupi agreed, “but it might give us enough time to regroup. If his bones are enchanted by the same indestructible ectoplasm as his blades, how on earth are we going to knock him off?”

“Maybe we just need to get him high enough off the ground?” Tris suggested. “Everything’s got a breaking point. We need to find his.”

“Kamaitachi bones are stronger than twenty-foot thick concrete, Slothy,” Todd argued. “I don’t think we can possibly get him high enough to reach his breaking point.”

“What about the Lake of Fire?” Libidine suggested over the roar of the quaking ground. “The Hellfire there is enchanted to burn through anything it touches.”

“Negative,” I sighed. “We’re too far away. Besides, this guy is a seasoned assassin. There’s no way he’d let us lead him all the way out to the Lake of Fire, he’s way too clever for that.”

“War of attrition?” Tris mumbled.

“What, you mean like we keep going at a stalemate until he gets tired?” I asked, unconvinced. “There’s no way we can make that work, even if we outnumber him five to one.”

“No, Jacob … ” Tris said with an overexaggerated sigh. “Like, couldn’t we just keep hittin’ and hittin’ him until he finally breaks down? His flesh totally looks like it can be damaged.”

“I like where this is headed,” Cupi cooed. “We rip him apart, little by little, until there’s nothing left.”

“Exactly!” Libidine said as she clapped her fist into her open palm. “Even if his bones can’t be destroyed, they won’t work if there’s nothing to attach them to!”

“Twisted, barbaric, and sadistic,” Todd whistled. “I love it. Crazy Eyes would be proud.”

Just then, I felt the ground directly below my body start to shake, and I looked at my friends in a panic.

“Move!” I commanded. “Now!”

The five of us rolled out of the way just as five small wind tunnels shot up from beneath the ground with a spray of debris. There was one where each of us had been standing, and the attack formed a sort of circular formation on the ground. Each funnel sounded as loud as a freight train as they slowly moved inward, caught each other in their turbulence, and morphed together into one massive tornado.

The sudden gust of air threatened to yank me into its depths, but I quickly stabbed the Unhallowed Sword into the ground and held on for dear life. My body was yanked around the hilt of the weapon, and I felt my legs lift up into the sky as Sora’s attack played tug-of-war with my body.

I let out a grunt of frustration as my fingers started to slip and my grip began to loosen. Behind me rose the sound of crumbling brimstone, and then there was a loud crash as chunks of the earth rained down around me.

“What’s the matter, ‘my lord?’” Sora mocked. “Don’t have as good of a grip on your Kingdom as you thought?”

I was Jacob Ralston, the King of the Fourth Circle. I wasn’t going to have my reign ended by some two-bit assassin for hire.

My hands were slowly sliding off the hilt of the blade, and if I didn’t act fast, I was going to be dragged helplessly toward the razor-sharp talons of the Kamaitachi.

If ever there was a time to improvise, it was now.

I summoned bronze Hellfire into my hand, blasted it down at the ground where my sword was embedded, and rocked it free. The Unhallowed Sword dislodged from the ground with a dull “shluck,” and I was now fully in the tornado’s grasp.

I twisted my body in the air, snatched my blade by the hilt, and spun around as I rocketed toward Sora. Small pebbles of debris struck my face as I was swept up in the whirlwind, and the sound of the swishing funnel was deafening.

The second I was inside Sora’s grasp, I felt myself turn sideways. I wasn’t in control of my body anymore.

At least, that’s what I wanted the fucker to think.

Then I summoned purple Hellfire into my hands and launched it down at the empty space beneath my feet.

Two small, shimmering platforms just wider than my feet appeared, and my momentum was halted.

I ducked down just as Sora took a swipe at my neck, and then I propelled myself forward. I tossed down a few more small platforms and ran across them as I used the counterforce of the tornado to keep myself horizontal. Eventually I ended up behind the assassin, and I swung my sword at the bastard’s shoulder.

The Unhallowed Sword came down into the Kamaitachi’s skin and stopped when it hit his unbreakable bones. Then I summoned a gauntlet of purple Hellfire around my hand, grabbed my weapon by the point, and let gravity do the rest.

Sora cried out in agony as I slid down the flesh of his furry arm and degloved it like a banana peel. Blood splurted onto my face as the fucker’s skin and muscle were separated from his bones, and he flailed wildly.

I felt a wave of pain shoot through my leg as one of his blades connected with my upper calf and sliced it deep. Then there was no more flesh to sever, and I was sucked back into the swirling windstorm.

“M-my arm!” Sora screamed over the roar of the wind. “You--you just sliced open my arm!”

That was far from the worst I was going to do to this bastard.

Suddenly, black Hellfire spread up the length of Sora’s tornado, and the whirling winds dulled down to a calm breeze.

One of the succubi flew over, grabbed me from behind, and fluttered me gently to the ground.

Sora was not so lucky.

The Kamaitachi’s eyes went wide as his spell was broken, and he plummeted toward the rocky ground. He raised his bladed hands out to catch himself, but he still slammed into the ground at breakneck speed. His furry body bounced off the earth, and then tumbled a few feet to the side.

As I tried to regain my bearings, I saw the rest of my team had joined the battle.

The tiny redhead, Sia, was just decasting the black Hellfire that had saved my life.

Meanwhile, both of Ira’s forms, the sub and the Dom, were at the ready with their whip and their morning star in their hands, and Gula bared her teeth as she stared over the top of her battle axe.

Then there was Invidia. The Sister of Envy stood there in her black corset and thigh-high boots with her arms crossed over her massive breasts. In her hand was a small dagger that must have been no bigger than a boning knife, but everyone knew just how lethal she was with the tiny blade.

“Nice save, Sia,” I called out to the madame, and she gave me a playful bow.

“Ewwww,” Tris laughed next to me. “You just peeled his fucking skin off like a candy wrapper!”

“I’ve had that done before,” Ira’s sub moaned happily. “Nothing gets me off like a good degloving.”

“You lot are all sorts of fucked up,” Sora growled as he lifted himself back into the air on a tiny funnel. “You deserve each other. You really do.”

The assassin was now looking much worse for wear. The arm I had attacked was now hanging uselessly at his side with a small strip of flesh hanging off it like a ribbon. His enchanted bones were completely exposed, and they glowed eerily with dark ectoplasm. Clumps of his fur were matted with coagulated blood, and there were visible bruises underneath his hair.

At least we were doing some damage. And, now that we were all together, we were about to do a fuck-ton more.

“Looks like your plan worked,” I mused to Tris. “Everyone, go for the soft flesh!”

“Noble plan, mortal,” Sora hissed, “but you’ll have to get to it first!”

Gula, the Dom, and Cupi were the first ones on the offensive.

Sora knocked away Ira’s morning star with one bladed arm, and then he flipped up into the air and dispeled blows from the polearm and axe. As he somersaulted over his attackers, he let loose three more small twisters, and the succubi were all tossed into the air.

Tris fired on the fucker as he landed, but he quickly shot up and cast another gust of wind to knock the bullets away.

Liby and Invidia were on him next, and I couldn’t help but be on edge as they both engaged him in close-quarters combat.

Watching Vidia work was almost like watching a dancer on the stage. Each movement she made was swift, graceful, and calculated. She would easily dodge a blow from Sora’s sword and then follow up with a jab of her own without missing a beat. Her weapon flitted back and forth between her two hands so effortlessly, I almost wondered if she had rehearsed her assault beforehand.

Libidine, on the other hand, was much less graceful. Her glowing yellow fists swung at the Kamaitachi, but she was struggling to land a blow. Her attacks were more brutish and slow, easily dodged by assassin, but that was fine because every time Sora dodged Liby, it left an opening for Invidia to cut with her blade.

Finally, Invidia knocked Sora’s blade upward and hit him point-blank with her silver Hellfire.

The Sister of Envy’s magic normally would knock the soul clean out of somebody, but it didn’t seem to work on the Kamaitachi.

It was that fucking ectoplasmic magic. We’d encountered it a handful of times before, when we went up against the deadly Raksashi, Aruna. It’s power came from the very soul of its user, so it countered any sort of Divine or Hellfire magic and made it almost obsolete.

If we wanted to kill Sora, we were gonna have to do it the old fashioned way.

I looked over at Ira’s sub and nodded.

We both charged the assassin while his attention was on the other succubi, but he somehow was still prepared.

Small funnels of wind shot up from the ground directly in our trajectory, but Sia was quick on the draw. She hit each of the small tornadoes with a blast of her black Hellfire, and they all dissipated harmlessly as we passed through. Once we were in range, the sub and I prepared for the attack.

The sub used her flaming red whip to catch Sora around the neck, and he let out a surprised gasp as it burned into his flesh.

At the same time, Vidia was able to land a flurry of quick stabs with her blade, and blood began to pour out of the fucker’s side like a waterfall.

Sora roared as he lashed out at the succubi, and I was forced to throw up a shield of purple in front of Libidine seconds before she was disemboweled. The assassin caused a violent gust of wind at his feet, and it sent all three of the succubi tumbling to the ground as he shot up into the air.

“Not so fast, asshole,” I growled and hit the ground with a cast of bronze flame.

The ground split apart, and the sudden rift caused Sora’s downdraft to disappear. He plummeted toward the ground and caught himself on another small tornado, but it was too late.

I created a series of violet platforms in front of me, climbed them like stairs, and swung the Unhallowed Sword as hard as I could at the assassin. The blade caught him in the side of the head, and there was a spray of crimson as his skull whipped to the side and flesh flew from his cheek.

The Kamaitachi responded with an instant blast of air, and the next thing I knew I was flat on my ass.

“Eight on fucking one?” Sora sneered from above. “What kind of fucking King are you, Jacob Ralston? You need your succubi to fight your battles for you? Your rule will be even shorter than--”

Before he could finish his sentence, Sora’s body lurched down as if something had landed on top of his head. Then, he let out a scream of pain as both of his eyes were ripped from their sockets. They dangled down, still attached to their retinas, as the Kamaitachi flailed wildly. Then they popped loose from the assassin’s head, tied themselves into a little bow, and then began to whack him in the groin.

“I just took the ‘I-C-U-P’ joke to the next level, bitch!” Todd’s disembodied voice cried out from atop Sora.

Todd Masterson to the fucking rescue.

As Sora blindly tried to swipe at the imp on his head, the tornado he rode on was struck by a blast of black Hellfire. The funnel disappeared underneath the assassin’s body, and he careened toward the ground and crashed into it violently.

Todd’s invisible form was illuminated by his own black Hellfire as he spun Sora’s eyeballs over his head like a helicopter blade and floated down to the ground. All the while, he made chopper noises with his mouth, of course.

The assassin started to pull himself back into the air, but we weren’t going to let that happen.

“Hold him!” I commanded my friends, and they each sprung into action.

The enchanted whip of Ira’s sub flew around Sora’s right arm and pulled it backward. At the same time, the Dom and Gula grabbed ahold of the fucker’s legs with the hilt of their weapons and held on for dear life. Finally, Cupi leapt up onto the assassin’s furry back and put him in a choke hold with her polearm.

I walked up to the captured, blind assassin and held the blade of the Unhallowed Sword to his throat.

“Start talking,” I demanded. “Who sent you?”

“Don’t fool yourself, mortal,” Sora hissed. “You know we assassins don’t reveal our employers.”

I pressed the tip of the blade lightly into his flesh. Even though he was blind, and couldn’t see the rage that filled my face, I wanted to make sure he knew I was serious.

“I’m not going to ask again,” I growled.

Sora began to laugh, and then his laugher turned into a series of bloody coughs.

“I’m already dead, anyways,” he sighed. “And you want me to betray my honor? Forget it. At least I will go to my grave knowing the Fourth Circle will soon be up for the taking.”

“You know,” I retorted, “I’m starting to get a change of heart. Maybe I should let you live. We can lock you away in the enchanted cage that held Invidia, and you can live out the rest of your days as a blind, pathetic husk of yourself.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Sora shot back. “I know you’re just a mortal, but you wouldn’t do such unspeakable things.”

“Why not?” I hissed. “I’m King of the Fourth Circle now. Shouldn’t I show everybody what happens when they cross me?”

“It was another Demon King,” the Kamaitachi cried out. “One who rules over one of the Circles of Hell. That’s all I’m going to tell you. Now please … I wish to commit seppuku and regain at least some of my dignity.”

“How’s that gonna work?” Todd asked curiously. “We don’t got anything that can cut through your bones. It’s your own damn fault for drinking so much milk, ya know.”

“Then stab me through the eye socket,” Sora pleaded. “There is no bone between where my eyes used to be and my brain. Please. It’s the only way I can die with honor at this point.”

“Fine.” I nodded, even though I knew he couldn’t see me.

I removed the Unhallowed Sword from his throat and pulled it back over my shoulder. Then I gave the succubi a nod, and they released their hold on the assassin.

Instantly, Sora lifted up his right arm, slid it over his lower stomach, and sliced himself open. Steam escaped the cut as his belly opened up, and his guts spilled out onto the ground with a sick plop.

Without another moment’s hesitation, I stabbed the point of my sword directly through Sora’s empty eye socket. My blade clunked against the inside of his impenetrable skull, but the assassin’s body went limp as his brain was skewered. I pulled the weapon from his head, and his corpse hit the ground unceremoniously.

“Cupi, could you call some of the Shades to clean this mess up?” I sighed as I wiped the blood from my sword. “I really don’t want my courtyard to be decorated with blood and guts.”

“Oh, come on,” the blonde succubus chuckled. “I think it really ties the place together.”

“Har har,” I shot back playfully. “Sia, could you go around and make sure everyone’s healed up and ready to go?”

“Of course, Jacob,” the petite redhead said with a nod. “I’ll have us back to full strength in no time.”

I let out a deep sigh as I sat down on a nearby boulder. My leg was now throbbing as my adrenaline wore off, and I looked down to see the gash across my calf was deeper than I had originally thought. As the dull pain returned to my leg, Todd waddled over and hopped up on the rock beside me.

“Congratulations, Jakey,” the imp giggled. “You survived your first assassination attempt. Now you really are a king!”

“Thanks, Todd,” I chuckled as I leaned back and tried to take in the setting sun of the Fourth Circle.

Despite his jokes, Todd was right. No matter how good of a ruler you were, there was always somebody who wanted to depose you. I guess I was mostly surprised that it happened so early in my reign, before I’d really done anything to piss people off. I fully expected to get some pushback from the other Demon Kings, but not a mere five months after Azazel’s death.

From now on, I needed to watch my step. More importantly, I needed to figure out who wanted me dead, and how the fuck I was going to stop them.

Chapter 4

I took a sip of Gula’s vargrat stew as I sat alone in the grand dining hall and contemplated everything that had happened in the last few months. I always knew killing Azazel was my end goal. If I hadn’t, he would have just kept coming after us until one of us was dead or he got his succubi back, and I sure as fuck wasn’t about to let the latter happen.

What I didn’t know was just how much my life was going to change once that demon fuck was out of the picture. Daniel and my other loyal Shades quickly spread the word about my victory, and the rest of the citizens of the Fourth Circle fell in line without hesitation.

After they mutilated Azazel’s body, of course.

I had no idea what exactly they did to the former King, but his corpse was nonexistent once the Shades were done with it. All that remained was his severed head, which was skewered and hung on a chain from the window of the castle’s south tower.

It served as two gruesome reminders. The first was a warning that any demon who tried to cross me would end up next to Azazel on the wall. The second warning, however, was for myself.

It was a reminder the Shades of the Fourth Circle had no loyalty to their king, and that they would turn on him the second they felt they had the means to. If I wasn’t careful, it would be my head that ended up right next to the Father of Warfare.

I had to play the political game, and I had to play it right.

I took another spoonful of the soup in front of me and savored it.

Gula made this concoction from a mixture of vargrat meat, carrots, onions, and a variety of “secret spices” all mixed into a tomato base. Somehow, even though it was made of rodent meat, it tasted like Heaven on Earth. Or, rather, Heaven on Hell.

Without warning, Todd’s figure became visible on the other side of the table, and I nearly spit out a mouthful of stew.

“Easy there, Jakey,” Todd said as he put up his hands in surrender. “It’s just me, your left hand man.”

“It’s ‘right hand man,’ Todd,” I sighed and gulped down another bite of the savory stew.

“Noooo,” the imp argued as he wagged his finger. “I can’t be your right hand man. That’s the hand I beat off with, and I’m sure you don’t want any part of that, bro. Unless you want to be saying ‘no homo’ every time we see each other. I’ll stick to being the third in command, thank you.”

“Who’s second, then?” I chuckled and finished off my bowl.

“I dunno,” Todd shrugged, “who around here is expendable? Not any of the girls or me … say, where did Eligor go off to?”

“I’m assuming she’s with Lilith right now, but I don’t know for sure,” I admitted. “As you probably figured out, she kinda just does her own thing.”

Todd laid down on top of the long wooden table and crossed his legs like a pinup model.

“It’s a damn shame we couldn’t convince her to stay here, bro,” he sighed. “There was plenty of room in this heap of rocks for another teammate. Even though she’d probably just end up in the master bedroom with you and the girls, anyway.”

“I don’t think Eligor sees me like that, Todd,” I explained. “She’s a knight in service to the great Demon Queen, Lilith. And if you haven’t noticed, she’s a little dry.”

“Can’t you just use lube?” Todd asked curiously, and I felt a brief blush creep up my face.

“N-no, that’s not what I mean,” I stammered. “Like, her personality is dry. Not very humorous, kinda stern, ya know?”

“And?” Todd shot back. “Strawberry Shortcake was the same way, remember? She eventually succumbed to the power of your python, just like all the others.”

“So, that’s the key,” I guffawed. “I just need to show her my dick?”

“When in doubt, whip it out,” Todd giggled with a devilish smile.

I raised an eyebrow at the imp and frowned.

“You’re serious?” I asked, unconvinced. “That’s … wrong on so many levels. So, sooooo many levels. And it also explains why there were so many bars back in New Mexico you were banned from.”

“Brooooo,” Todd explained. “It’s not like you’re gonna come up to her in a big trench coat and flash her. That would be fucking harassment. The Toddster’s a love machine, not a pervert. Seduction is a subtle art form, Jakey.”

“I’ve got seven beautiful women who are literally willing to fight and die for me,” I retorted. “I’d say I’ve done pretty damn well so far without learning the ‘art of seduction.’”

“Oh, come on, bro,” Todd implored. “I’ve got so many ideas on how to make you irresistible to all the ladies of the Fourth Circle.”

“I’m good, Todd,” I promised. “I appreciate you always being my wingman, but if Eligor wants to join our group, that’s totally up to her.”

“Fine,” the imp finally conceded, “but just know Papa Toddster is always here if you wanna learn.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said with a smile as I dabbed at my face with a napkin.

There was a long, awkward silence, and then Todd flipped over onto his belly. He folded his hands together underneath his chin, raised his legs into the air behind his body, and slowly kicked them back and forth as he stared me down.

“Soooooo, whatcha doing?” he asked in his best “Cali-girl” voice.

“You’re bored, aren’t you?” I asked with a sly grin.

Todd’s mouth fell agape, and he let out a haughty gasp.

“Bored?” he protested. “Me? Never.”

“You’re down here with me, in an empty dining hall, at ten in the morning, while the rest of the succubi are out doing their own thing,” I observed. “You’re totally bored.”

Todd released his facade and laid himself face-down on the table.

“I’m sorry, bro,” he said through a muffled sigh. “It’s just that there’s no internet down here in Hell. Like, I can only whack off to crusty old Playboys for so long before it gets tedious.”

“Is that all?” I gagged as the visual ran through my brain. “I can get you new magazines, Todd.”

“No, no,” he continued. “If you haven’t noticed, Tuesdays with the Toddster has taken a nosedive, too. The inhabitants of Hell aren’t exactly interested in the paranormal and the occult, bro. It’d be like if I went back up to Earth Realm and made a podcast about washing dishes. Been there, done that.”

I placed my hand on the imp’s shoulder. “It’s alright, Todd,” I promised. “We’ll find our way back to Earth Realm eventually. But for now, I need my wingman to stay the course. Who knows? We’ve already turned the Fourth Circle from a medieval Hellscape into a modern metropolis. Maybe somewhere down the line, we can make it a perfect replica of our lives back home.”

“Only better?” he asked as he perked up a bit.

“Only better,” I confirmed with a nod. “Maybe we can figure out a way to get humans down here without dying or breaking interdimensional laws? Then we can bring the entire Cult and all of our family down here, and we’ll be living the high life as if nothing has changed at all! Other than the badass demonic powers, of course.”

“Even the redhead from Kansas?” Todd continued hopefully. “My heart starts singing Everybody Hurts every time I think of that scarlet-haired bombshell.”

“Even her,” I promised. “I know things look kinda rough now, especially with the assassin and all. But down here, the possibilities are endless.”

“He’s right, Todd,” Sia’s voice spoke up from the entrance of the dining room.

The succubus strutted into the dining room, and I couldn’t help but bask in her beauty. Superbia wore a deep crimson shirt that was little more than a bikini with a few frilly pieces of fabric over her breasts, and on her bottom she wore a pair of shorts that didn’t even cover her ass fully.

Superbia had always hated the fact that she was forced to wear clothes on Earth Realm, so now that she was back home in her element, she was practically naked. The succubus had begged me to let her go completely nude, and I probably would have if not for the fact that no work would get done while she was in her state of undress.

I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off the beautiful redhead. Fuck, even seeing her now made me want to take her back upstairs and make love to her.

Superbia wasn’t alone, either.

Behind her was Invidia, who was decked out in an oversized Fall Out Boy shirt that came all the way down to her knees. The Sister of Envy also had on a large, black, circular hat and a pair of leather boots.

Todd perked up when he saw the gothic succubus, and I knew he had a joke brewing in his little mind. He hopped up on the table as the two women approached and began to dance awkwardly while singing Jump in the Line.

“Why are you singing such an old-man song?” the Sister of Envy looked disgusted as she approached. “There’s nothing heavy or deep about that music.”

Todd halted in place and extended a small, clawed finger toward the succubus angrily.

“Don’t you dare speak ill of Beetlejuice, Wynonna,” he warned. “It’s the greatest movie ever made.”

“I thought that was Last Action Hero?” I pondered aloud.

“He told me it was Waterworld,” Sia added with a shrug.

“They’re all classics!” Todd scoffed jokingly as he stood up and stormed out of the room. “Y’all are a bunch of uncultured swine! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s my turn on the broadcaster thingy.”

The imp dashed out of the room, muttering along the way about how he wanted to install a theater in the castle so we could ‘get some culture in our lives.’

As soon as he was gone, Sia looked at me with concern on her face.

“Is he alright?” she asked with a worried tone. “Todd seems a bit stressed.”

“He’s just a little on edge,” I explained. “Who wouldn’t be? We just got attacked by an interdimensional assassin in our own home. That, plus he’s bored.”

“Oh no,” Sia gasped. “Bored Todd is by far the most mischievous Todd. Do you remember what he did the last time he had a fit of boredom?”

“Please tell me, Sister,” Invidia said through a rare smile. “Does it involve death? Destruction? Soul-crushing agony? You know how much I love stories like that.”

“Not quite, Invidia,” Sia said with a chuckle. “No, he came into the Velvet Lips--”

“Velvet lips?” Vidia scoffed and crossed her arms. “That sounds way too happy.”

“It’s the gentlemen’s club Jacob owns back on Earth Realm,” Sia scolded her Sister. “Now, if you’ll let me continue … one of those days when Todd was going through a spell of ‘boredom,’ he snuck into the Velvet Lips while it was closed and greased up all the poles. The next day, all of the performers kept slipping off like they were made of ice.”

“I remember,” I said with a laugh. “Meghan was piiissssed her little tumble ended up on Youtube.”

“Then there was that other time he kept morphing into a human and showing up to Ira’s campaign events as a protester,” she sighed. “What was his slogan again? It was quite peculiar … ”

“Free the weed,” I chuckled. “He swore he was going to single-handedly get Arizona to legalize the stuff.”

“Exactly.” The redhead nodded. “I would suggest we find something for Todd to do, and ASAP.”

“He’s supposed to be doing the lawyer stuff down at the grand courthouse,” I sighed, “but today I decided to be nice and give him a day off.”

“Do you ever miss it?” Vidia interjected. “Earth, that is.”

“Why would anyone miss Earth?” Superbia chuckled. “Sure, there’s a lot more leeway in climbing the corporate ladder, but that’s about it. Now that Jacob has his own kingdom, I don’t see why we would ever want to go back.”

“Because that’s where my life was,” I answered. “Hell is nice and all, but all of my family members are up there still, as are Oliver and Jane and all of my loyal cultists.”

“Ah yes,” Sia said with a sly grin. “How could I forget the brunette? She was quite lovely. In oh so many ways.”

“Jacob has another lover back on Earth?” Invidia asked curiously. “What does that make, seven?”

“Eight,” Sia corrected. “There are seven of us, and then the woman back on Earth Realm. Unless you do not consider yourself as one of his lovers … ”

Invidia went silent as her pale face flushed, and she stared down at the ground. The large brim of her hat covered her face completely, but I could see the embarrassment in her body language.

“We haven’t made the connection yet,” I finally spoke up.

“You what?” Sia gasped. “Is this true, Invidia?”

The gothic succubus looked up at her madame with her dark lips in a sultry pout. She nodded solemnly and looked like she was on the verge of tears. Or committing a murder.

It was hard to tell with goth girls sometimes.

“I wanted to take things slowly,” I interjected. “There’s no point in rushing things. She might be a member of the Circle of Sin, but I don’t want to make the connection until she’s ready.”

“If you want to be a true ‘Succubus Lord’ like you say you are, then you need to at least have one full harem devoted to you,” Sia explained. “Once that happens, the other Demon Lords will look up to you as an equal, and your powers will grow even stronger.”

“As much as I like the sound of that,” I argued, “I’m not going to push Vidia into something she doesn’t want to do. If she warms up to me over time, great. If not, then we’ll find another way to gain the Demon Lords’ respect. I--”

“Who ever said I didn’t want to?” Vidia asked weakly.

Sia and I both turned around and stared at the Sister of Envy in shock.

“You--you’ve never said anything,” I gasped. “We’ve been together for months, and the most I’ve gotten out of you was a few grumpy ‘hhmphs’ and some small talk. Well, that and the way-too-deep analysis you gave me about the symbolism of the Nine Circles that one time when we were watching the mirror.”

“Small talk?” Sia scoffed. “From Invidia? Why didn’t you say so before, Jacob? The signs were all there!”

I stared at the redhead with a blank look of confusion.

“Sooooo, you are interested in me?” I pondered aloud as I turned back to Invidia.

“Ugh!” she growled, crossed her arms, and then headed for the exit. “I’m tired of talking about all this emotional shit. I’ll be in my room.”

I started to go after the succubus, but Superbia held me back.

“Now, now, Jacob,” she warned. “It’s best to just let Invidia go when she has one of her little outbursts. You’ve seen what her powers can do and trust me, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of her wrath.”

“You’re probably right,” I laughed and sat back down at the table. “I would like to keep my soul inside of my body today. So, what was so urgent you came here and had to pry me away from the Toddster?”

“I wanted to speak with you about our next steps,” the madame implored as she pulled out the bench and sat down across from me. “Somebody obviously wants you dead, and I have a very strong theory on who it is.”

“Do you now?” I chuckled. “I’m a mortal who just killed a Demon King who’s existed since the dawn of time and took his throne. Every single demon down here would like to see my head on a pike.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” the madame shot back. “They might all be selfish demons, but they aren’t stupid. You just killed one of Lucifer’s greatest generals, and that is not a feat they will take lightly. I wouldn’t be surprised if many of them were considering alliances with you as we speak.”

“Forgive me for being a little skeptical,” I admitted, “but every single demon I’ve ever encountered has tried to fuck me over and kill me. I’m nothing more than a walking target for most of these assholes. And now that I used my Divine magic on Azazel? I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucifer showed up at my doorstep sooner or later.”

“You’re right,” the redhead confirmed. “You won’t be able to avoid Lucifer’s gaze forever. That’s why it’s so important we get the other Demon Lords and Kings on our side before that happens.”

“Well, I’ve already got one secret admirer,” I groaned.

“You and I both know who it is, Jacob,” she prodded. “Think about it. What Demon King have we encountered before that’s given us trouble? I just know the demon who sent that assassin is the same one who tried to stop us from getting into Hell in the first place. The same one who seduced Uriel to the darkness.”

“Beelzebub,” I growled as I leaned forward.

“That’s what I was thinking,” Sia agreed. “His fingerprints are all over this scheme. He knew we were breaking into Hell. He’s all about creating his ‘new order’ and overthrowing the powers that be. What’s a better way to do that than create a power vacuum in Hell and watch all of his fellow Demon Lords and Kings kill each other while they try to fill the void?”

“So, it was more of a political move,” I scoffed. “And here I thought he was just jealous.”

“You’re the King of the Fourth Circle now, Jacob,” Sia sighed. “Everything you do from here on out is political. And Beelzebub? Well, he knows how to game the system. He’s the slimiest Demon King of them all.”

“Then we’ll kill him and take his kingdom too,” I growled.

“Not without help from the other Demon Kings, we won’t,” Cupi’s voice arose as she walked into the dining hall. “If we’re really dealing with Beelzebub here, then everything is on the table. He’s a master manipulator, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already started trying to get the other Demon Kings to join up against us.”

“Is everybody just eavesdropping on me today?” I chuckled. “I just wanted to eat my breakfast in peace … ”

The fit blonde succubus walked over and plopped down next to Sia.

“How is the Shade army coming along, Cupiditas?” the redhead asked curiously.

Cupi shook her head. “They’re coming along,” she sighed. “They’ve got basic weapons handling down, and they can do simple battle formations, but you have to remember what we’re working with here. They’re just the souls of regular humans. They’re a good lot, but they don’t have any sort of magical abilities whatsoever.”

“An even better reason to form an alliance with a King who has actual demon grunts at their disposal,” Superbia added.

“And another reason to go back to Earth Realm,” I continued. “We have hundreds of Cultists up there, all of whom are powerful magic users.”

“Why not both?” Cupi insisted. “We can try to form an alliance with the other Demon Kings, and hopefully we can figure out a way to get the rest of our friends down here in the meantime. One thing is for sure … what happened with the assassin out there was a declaration of War.”

“Do you think it’s Beelzebub, too?” I asked my blonde general.

“I don’t see how it could be anyone else,” she hissed. “Uriel sent assassins after us too, remember? And he shared that same dumb-ass ‘behind-the-scenes’ mentality as the King of the Eighth Circle does.”

“Alright, so Beelzebub is against us,” I confirmed. “What does that mean in terms of potential allies?”

“Well, Abbadon and Baphomet are completely out of the question,” Sia explained. “Baphomet, the King of the Fifth Circle, is very close with Beelzebub. And Abbadon? The King of the Seventh Circle? Well, he’s … ”

“Certifiably insane,” Cupi finished. “I’ve never met the fucker, but he’s the most twisted and sadistic Demon King in the Nine Circles. If what I’ve heard is true, he really, really doesn’t like to play well with others.”

“What have you heard?” I questioned, now curious.

“Just that the last time a Demon King sent one of his lords to him, the lord was dragged across hot coals, had his flesh flayed from his bones, and then was kept in a box full of salt for nearly a week,” she explained.

“Jesus … ” I gasped. “What did he do?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Cupi said matter-of-factly. “It was a simple diplomatic trip, and the poor sap was tortured to near death and tossed back into the wilderness in his own circle.”

“Yeah … ” I admitted. “Probably not somebody we want to try and woo.”

“I think our best shot might be Asmodeus,” Sia interjected.

“The Demon King of Lust?” I questioned.

“He’s somewhat flamboyant and grating, but he has quite a large army,” the madame continued. “Besides, he’s the Demon King ‘aligned’ with Lilith, and I’m sure she’s put in a good word for you after what you’ve done for her.”

“He’s also the King of the First Circle,” Cupi added. “It’s the least dangerous of the circles, and it’s also one we have the ability to ‘fast travel’ to.”

“Asmodeus might not be the most fearsome Demon King,” I agreed, “but it sounds like that’s our best place to start. So, do I send one of you as a messenger, or … ”

“Of course not!” Sia gasped. “We need to be as discreet as we can possibly be if we’re truly trying to build an army against our fellow Demon Kings. Sending one of your trusted succubi out there would draw far too much attention. If any of the other Kings intercept the message, that would certainly draw the attention of Lucifer.”

I rubbed the stubble on my chin as I weighed my options.

Todd could turn invisible and try to get the message to Asmodeus. That would give him something to do, and it would certainly be much more inconspicuous. However, my little imp friend wasn’t exactly the strongest fighter. If somebody tried to give him trouble, he’d be up shit creek without a paddle.

I wondered if I could send Daniel or one of the other Shades, but they weren’t allowed to exit their Circles unless they were under the spell of--

Charon. The great Ferryman of Hell.

The last time we encountered the bearded man in the deep purple robe, he had mentioned he wished to assist us in any way he possibly could.

“Charon!” I exclaimed. “Nobody will ever suspect him.”

“That’s a risky gamble, Jacob,” Sia said with a frown. “The Ferryman of Hell is supposed to be a neutral party. If Asmodeus decides to decline your offer, then he will know Charon is on our side.”

“I don’t see many other options,” I sighed. “We could try to give it to Plato, but he probably wouldn’t even be allowed near Asmodeus’ castle. Charon is the only one who can get in and out without arousing suspicion.”

“Jacob’s right,” Cupi agreed. “It’s our best option. Once we have Asmodeus on our side, communication won’t be as much of an issue.”

I stood up from the table and placed both of my palms against the top excitedly.

“Then what are we waiting for?” I asked rhetorically. “Charon hasn’t made his daily stop yet. If somebody gets out there quickly, we can still catch him and ask him to deliver our message today!”

“I’m on it,” Cupiditas said with a smirk. “I’m the fastest flier around here, anyways.”

“Always the humble one, aren’t we?” Sia giggled with a playful smack on the blonde’s arm.

“What shall I tell him?” Cupi asked as she rose from her seat.

“Exactly what we talked about here,” I explained. “Tell Charon we wish for him to deliver a message to Asmodeus, King of the First Circle. Jacob Ralston, Succubus Lord and King of the Fourth Circle, wishes to speak with him about our ‘place’ in Hell now that the landscape has been shaken up. Inform him we come in peace, and that we only wish to discuss possible … mutually beneficial scenarios.”

“Damn,” Cupi whistled. “Are you sure Ira didn’t write that speech for you? And you said you were bad at this whole ‘political thing.’”

The fit blonde laughed as she turned around, sprouted her dark black angel wings, and then took off at a full sprint out the door and into the hallway of the castle.

There was no doubt in my mind she would get my message to Charon on time, and I was fully confident the Ferryman would accept.

Now all there was left to do was sit back and see if Asmodeus was as generous.

Chapter 5

It’d been nearly half an hour since Cupi departed to find Charon, and I was now starting to get somewhat worried about the succubus.

Immediately after the blonde woman left, Sia and I headed up to the second story of the castle so we could hang out in our main living quarters. Originally, Azazel had this whole floor decked out as if it were some sort of medieval “man cave,” with neon signs and pinup posters galore.

Those were the very first things to go when we took over the castle. Libidine made sure of it.

Now, the interior had been redesigned so it had a more modern aesthetic. The walls were still made up of the shiny black brimstone that made up every structure in the Fourth Circle, but now it was accented with a white couch and a series of white strips of wood along its edges. There was a roaring fireplace carved into the dark wall, right next to the magic mirror that showed us anything and everything going on in the universe. The floors had been redone with a sleek, light-colored wood, and there were furry accent rugs strewn all about the floor.

Liby had outdone herself on this one, that was for sure.

Luckily for Todd and I, the Sister of Lust didn’t forget about our needs. Even though the room was “modern” and “chic,” there was still a large pool table at the back of the room, right next to a built-in bar and a dartboard. Most importantly of all, there was a gaming table that could be used for any card or tabletop game we thought of.

Libidine and Ira were sitting at the table when we arrived, matching wits in a game of chess. Meanwhile, Tris and Gula were snuggled up close on the couch as they took in the glow of the fireplace in the wall. Invidia, of course, was nowhere to be found.

“It looks like the real party’s up here,” I chuckled as I walked over and placed my hands on Liby’s shoulders. “Who’s winning?”

“As much as it pains me to say it,” Libidine sighed, “Sister Ira has won all of the matches we’ve played so far.”

“You could even say I’ve been dominating?” Ira joked with a wink. “Don’t feel bad, Sister. Chess is the tool I used to bond with most of my political colleagues back on Earth Realm. I’ve played hundreds, if not thousands, of games over the years, especially once ‘Marvin’s’ career took off. I will say, you’ve gotten way, waaaay better since we first started.”

“I don’t want to be better,” Libidine hissed playfully and moved her knight. “I want to be the best! Check!”

Ira simply clicked her tongue, shook her head, and captured the knight with her rook.

“You took the bait quicker than my sub jumps at the word ‘vaginal torture,’” she mused. “Checkmate!”

“Damn it,” Libidine sighed with a frown. “Let’s go again. I have to beat you eventually. I’ve got to prove my worth somehow. Sometimes I feel like I’ll always be destined to be lost in the shadows of my much more talented Sisters.”

“Oh, Libidine,” Sia cooed as she put her hands on her hips and smiled. “There’s a reason for your name. You’re always so passionate and kind.”

“If anything, most of us want to be more like you,” Ira admitted. “Having your own specialized, crazy personality quirks can be exhausting sometimes.”

“You’re tellin’ me,” Tris spoke up from the couch. “You’d think being lazy all the time would be easy, but it’s most certainly not. It actually takes a shit-ton of effort to weasel out of all my daily duties.”

“It’s true,” Gula added. “Being a master chef isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, you know. There’s a ton of responsibility that goes along with it.”

Liby let out a slight giggle and looked down at the chess board.

“You all are too much,” she said in a fluster. “But I still want to figure out a way I can bring value to the team against non-Earthly foes.”

“We’ll figure it out,” I said as I gave her head a gentle kiss. “I promise.”

“I hate to interrupt your tender moment,” Cupi’s voice announced from the stairwell, “but the deed is done. Charon has agreed to deliver our message to Asmodeus when he’s making his way back through the First Circle.”

“That gives us what, five or six more hours?” I asked as I looked at the clock been mounted to the stony wall. “He’s usually pretty punctual with his rounds.”

“Give or take an hour.” Cupi shrugged. “I hear it’s pretty easy to get tied up in the Fifth Circle, especially when you’re traveling by boat.”

I looked at my watch again, and a wave of exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. The battle with Sora last night took a lot out of me, but the adrenaline high refused to wear off until the wee hours of the morning rolled around. I’d got up and made my daily announcements to my loyal subjects as usual, but all in all, I probably only got three hours of sleep total.

“If it’s okay with you guys, I may go lay down for a bit,” I announced as I stifled a yawn. “Is everybody good? Anyone need anything before I start catching some Z’s?”

“We’re fine, Jacob,” Sia reassured me. “We are more than capable of entertaining ourselves. In fact, the blueprints for the new development in Merek should be coming in today. That’ll keep me occupied for at least half the day!”

“I’m not going anywhere until I figure out how to defeat Ira,” Libidine challenged as she looked at Ira with gritted teeth.

“Oh, we’re going to be here a while, then,” the Sister of Wrath said as she grinned back at Liby.

“We’re all hunky dory over here,” Tris’ voice called out. “Laying on Gula’s chest is like sleeping on two huge memory foam pillows. I could stay here for hours.”

“I know all about that,” I laughed, and then I began to walk toward my quarters before I stopped and looked at Cupi. “What about you? Are you preoccupied, or would you like to join me?”

“As much as I’d love to go ‘take a nap’ with you,” the blonde grinned, “those soldiers out there are still far from battle-ready, and we’ll need someone here to talk to Charon or whoever Asmodeus sends as a messenger. I’d really prefer if that person were me.”

“Fair enough,” I said with a shrug. “Let me know when you’ve heard anything.”

“Will do, ‘my liege,’” the blonde shot back sarcastically.

“Very funny,” I muttered as I turned and headed toward my section of the castle.

Calling it “my section” was probably a bit of a stretch, since most of the succubi ended up sharing my bed with me every night. Still, this wing was built from my own personal tastes, so it was mine in every sense of the word.

As I walked through the corridors of the castle, the decor on the walls grew stranger and darker. Invidia’s wing was located caddy-corner to my own, and I could hear the thrashing beat of her screamo music blaring from the other side of her door as I walked closer. The second I passed by the succubus’ door, the music abruptly stopped, and I heard the creak of ancient metal hinges.

“Jacob?” Invidia’s voice called out gently.

I turned around and saw the Sister of Envy’s head peeking around her doorframe. Her midnight locks were unkempt on her head, and her mascara ran in streaks down her face.

“What’s up, Vidia?” I asked as I halted my gait and turned back to face her.

The succubus stepped out from the door and revealed she was still clad in the Fall Out Boy shirt she’d been wearing earlier, and nothing else. Her long, slender legs were pasty-white in the shimmer of the lights, and her pitch-black nails dug into her outer thighs nervously.

“I just … I just wanted to apologize,” she sighed.

“For what?” I gasped. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“For my outburst back there,” she explained. “It’s just … I’ve always struggled to express my feelings. I might come off as a hardass emo all the time, but I really, really like you, Jacob. What you did for me all those months ago … when you freed me from my enchanted prison and killed the demon King who was responsible … I can never repay you for that.”

“And you’ll never have to,” I promised the succubus. “I would have done it for anyone.”

Vidia bit her bottom lip as she looked up and down at my body.

“But I’d like to try,” she nearly whispered. “If you’ll let me.”

“Invidia, I--” I began, but then my words were cut off by her purple lips as they pushed up against mine.

Our tongues explored each other’s mouths as I pulled Vidia in close and ran my hand over her pale cheek. At the same time, I allowed my other hand to slowly slide up the bottom of her shirt and gave her curvy ass a squeeze.

The succubus dragged us back into her room, spun us around, and then pushed me playfully onto her bed.

This was a momentous occasion for me, and not just because I was about to make love to a beautiful goth girl for the first time. No, this was the only time I had ever seen the inside of Invidia’s room.

It was covered from wall to wall with posters of different bands and pop culture phenomena, and a tiny bookshelf sat in the corner that housed a collection of knitted dolls. The succubus also had a small end table with a record player on top, and a huge stack of vinyl albums were hastily piled on top of the vanity next to it.

“Take it all in, Jacob,” Invidia mused as she stepped back, reached down, and grabbed the bottom of her shirt. “Nobody ever gets to see any of this. At least, not without my permission.”

The Sister of Envy slowly lifted the oversized shirt and exposed herself to me. The fabric traveled over her pasty inner thighs, past the warm and inviting slit between her legs, then her toned tummy, and finally her two large, supple breasts. Invidia tugged the shirt over her head, flung it to the side in a flash, and then bit her lip.

“You like what you see?” she asked coyly.

“Is that a question?” I shot back as I took in her naked body.

“Actually, you don’t even need to answer,” she gasped as she studied the bulge in my jeans. “We’re going to need to do something about that right away.”

Before I could even think to utter another word, Vidia sauntered over, undid my belt, and yanked down my pants. Her violet eyes grew wide when she saw me at full mast, and she licked her dark lips in anticipation.

“I’ve heard you were huge,” she moaned, “but holy fuck.”

The pale succubus wrapped her slender fingers around my cock and began to stroke it playfully. At the same time, she reached up and ran her hand along my abs and released an “mhm-mhm” of satisfaction.

I pulled my own shirt off in an instant and then watched as the succubus inched closer to my cock.

She gave the tip a playful kiss, and then opened her mouth, extended her tongue, and began to run it all along the outline of my erection.

The sensation felt incredible, and I let out a moan to let her know just how much I was enjoying it.

Invidia continued like that for a solid five minutes, pausing every now and again to move to the other side or to switch to using her hand. Either way, I could feel myself inching toward the brink, but I couldn’t let it be over yet.

“You’re doing all the work, you know,” I observed as Invidia made another pass.

She halted, looked up at me with her mascara-covered eyes, and grinned.

“Hmmm,” she mused, “I think you’re the only man in the history of the world to say that.”

Before I could react, Invidia slid her lips around my cock and shoved it all the way into her mouth.

Waves of pleasure shot through my body, and it took every inch of my willpower to keep from orgasming right then and there.

The Sister of Envy pulled off my erection and casually took it in her hands.

“Since you insist, I guess I’ll let you take over for awhile,” she sighed sarcastically.

I sat up on the bed, grabbed Invidia under her arms, and tossed her down on top of the sheets. Then I moved down so I was between her legs and began to tenderly suck on her inner thighs as I made my way toward her pussy.

“Ohmygod!” the succubus gasped when my tongue finally landed on its target.

I wrapped my arms around the succubus’ legs as I went to town on her, and Invidia responded with a series of gasps, moans, and groans. Her legs began to tense around my head until they were nearly as powerful as a vice-grip. Then her whole body quivered as she screamed orgasmically and climaxed with an intensity I didn’t think I’d ever seen in my entire life.

When I pulled my face away from her thighs and looked up at the succubus, she looked exhausted. Her hair was tufted out in all directions, and her massive breasts were heaving up and down rapidly.

“That was … that was incredible,” she panted. “Please tell me we’re not done.”

“Oh, we’re not done.” I smiled as I stood up onto my knees.

I wrapped my hands around Invidia’s ankles, lifted them into the air, and laid them delicately on my shoulders. Then I moved in and guided myself into the succubus’ still-throbbing pussy.

Both of us moaned contently as I began to slide in and out of her wet, warm sheath. I quickened the pace as I watched her bite her lip, and her huge breasts bounced in unison with each of my thrusts. I kept up the pace for as long as I could as I watched Vidia suck on her finger and run her hand through her deep, dark locks.

“J-Jacob!” Invidia moaned in between thrusts. “I-It’s my turn again.”

I halted my motions, moved the succubus’ legs back down around my waist, and laid down on top of her. We shared a short, passionate kiss as I ran my fingers along her erect nipples and she felt up my tight abs.

Then the Sister of Envy made a rolling motion, and I was on my back. She straddled me as she reached down and guided me back into her wetness, and her eyes rolled back in her head as she gently slid down on the entire shaft. Her pasty-white skin was now completely flushed with color as she began to rock her hips back and forth against mine and moaned seductively.

As I watched Invidia’s curvy body move up and down on my dick, I felt myself inching closer and closer to the edge.

I sat up and ran my tongue along the succubus’ erect nipple, and she made a deep, guttural sound I’d never heard before in my life. It was fucking hot.

She must have liked what I was doing, because she began to move faster and harder.

I pulled away from Invidia’s nipples and looked her deep in the eyes as she continued to ride me. Then I reached up and placed my hand against the side of her face and slowly let my thumb slip into her mouth.

She sucked it enthusiastically, and that was the last little bit of motivation I needed to finish the job. Invidia’s walls tightened around me as she orgasmed a second time, and I simultaneously released a torrent of my warm cum inside of her. The succubus gave me another pump or two for good measure, and then we both collapsed down onto the bed.

We both weakly pulled ourselves up to the headboard and fell into each other’s arms instantly.

Invidia’s skin was warm against mine, and it was inexplicably soothing. The normally-pale woman now looked purely radiant as she nuzzled up against my chest and closed her eyes.

“You were great, Jacob,” she sighed and ran her hand over my abs once more. “I think I can say now, without a single ounce of doubt, that I have feelings for you.”

“If that’s how you acted when you weren’t sure, I really, really want to know what it’s going to be like next time,” I chuckled.

“You’ll have to wait and see.” The goth woman grinned up at me.

Then she closed her eyes, and we both drifted off to sleep.

The next thing I knew, we were woken up by a loud pounding on the door.

“Hello?” Libidine’s voice called from the other side of the large wooden structure. “Sister? Are you awake?”

“Well, I am now,” Invidia grumbled as she stirred beside me. “What do you want, Liby?”

“Can I come in?” the Sister of Lust asked from the other side of the door, and then she didn’t wait for an answer before she turned the knob and slowly pushed it open. “It’s just I haven’t seen Jacob in a few hours, and--”

“Get out of my room!” Invidia gasped as she leapt up with the bed sheet wrapped around her busty figure. “I never gave you permission!”

I gave Libidine a playful wave, and she just smiled and put her hands on her hips.

“There you are,” she said through a small giggle. “I was starting to get worried about you. It’s a relief to know you didn’t go off on some crazy adventure on your own. It’s also a relief to see Invidia and you have finally made the connection.”

“Get outta here!” Invidia growled as she began to shoo her Sister away. “What does a succubus have to do to get a little bit of privacy around here?”

“Alright, alright,” Liby conceded as she raised her hands in defeat. “I’ll let you two love birds get back to business. Just don’t take too long, we’ve got a breaking development with Asmodeus.”

Just then, Todd’s tiny figure came around the door.

“Hey, Elvira, you still got that Marilyn Manson album I lent to you the other day?” he asked, completely oblivious to the situation at hand. “I really wanted to know what you thought about--”

Todd looked up and saw the succubus wrapped in her sheet, and then he looked over at me in the bed. The imp looked back and forth between us for a second and then realization spread across his face.

“Ahhhhh, I was gonna ask you what you thought about the song Deep Six,” he cackled as he moved his index finger in and out of the circle he made with his left hand, “but it looks like you just learned all about that.”

“Six?” Libidine asked coyly. “Jacob is much, much bigger than six inches.”

Todd’s gesture slowed to a halt, and he turned his head around to stare down the succubus.

“I had a perfectly good joke going there, Lib,” he sighed, “and you had to go and ruin it with a comment about Jakey’s purple-headed yogurt squirter. That song has totally been ruined for me, bro.”

“Sorry.” The succubus shrugged unapologetically. “I just wanted to clear up any misconceptions. I’d hate for anyone to go around spreading falsehoods about our new King.”

“Heyyyy,” Todd snickered as he turned back to Invidia. “Does this mean Evlira here is the first person to officially fuck the King?”

“I think it does,” Libidine added with a nod.

“Why do I get the feeling this is the equivalent of getting knighted under Jacob’s rule?” the imp pondered aloud. “I’m really hoping you don’t miss out on an opportunity to bring back prima nocta, bro.”

“You guys aren’t supposed to be in here!” Invidia hissed again. “And why do you keep calling me ‘Elvira,’ Todd?”

Todd made a “tsk” sound with his mouth as he shook his head back and forth and hung his head.

“You seriously don’t know who Elvira is?” he asked. “She’s a goth legend. She was the vampire woman with the huge knockers who always hosted those horror TV shows. I’ll tell ya, when I was a wide-eyed youngin’, I spilt soooo much bodily fluid over that babe.”

Invidia’s hands clenched into fists, and I figured it was time for me to step in and defuse the situation.

“Tell you what?” I said as I stood from the bed and made sure the blanket was around my waist. “You guys go back to the living room, and I’ll meet you out there in a minute or two. Capeesh?”

“Capeesh.” Todd nodded. “But, uh next time, maybe you should lock that thing. Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?”

The imp guffawed at his own joke, and then he and Liby turned around and sauntered away as they pulled the door shut behind them.

“Yeah, I found him!” Libidine’s muffled voice called out from the other side of the wall. “He was just making love with Invidia!”

The Sister of Envy facepalmed, let out a full-body sigh, and looked at me over her shoulder.

“Well, so much for keeping that under the radar,” the succubus sighed. “Also, does he ever stop with the pop culture jokes? Like, ever?”

“That’s Todd for you.” I shrugged and stood up out of bed. “To be fair, your tastes give him a lot of ammunition. Plus, he was right.”

“Oh?” She half-smiled as she gave me an eyebrow raise. “About what?”

I walked over and pressed my naked body against the succubus. Her eyes grew hungry as she started to run her hand up and down my chest, and I nearly took her again right then and there.

“You were the first person I’ve slept with since I’ve become King of the Fourth Circle,” I explained. “At least, the first new person. I guess that makes you the Queen by default. A Queen of Darkness.”

Invidia shuddered. “It’s like my ears just had an orgasm,” she moaned. “You keep calling me that, and I don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands off you.”

“Well, you’re going to have to for now,” I said regrettably. “It sounds like Asmodeus got my message.”

We kissed each other one last time as the succubus let her sheet fall away from her chest, and for a moment I could feel the warmth of her body as we embraced. But we couldn’t let ourselves get distracted again. So, the two of us got dressed, walked down to the castle’s lounge, and then rejoined our friends.

Cupi, Ira, and Sia were engaged in a deep conversation, while Liby, Tris, Todd, and Gula were all sitting on the couch watching the magic mirror. Gula and Tris were still snuggled up next to each other, and I wondered if they had even moved since I saw them a few hours ago.

“So,” I spoke up and announced myself, “I hear Charon got our message delivered?”

Cupi turned to me and gave me a grim nod.

“He must have,” she sighed. “There’s a package for you just outside the castle gates.”

“A package?” I questioned. “No messenger? How do you know it’s from Asmodeus.”

“Just … just come look,” the fit blonde continued. “You’ll see for yourself.”

Todd and Liby jumped up off the couch and followed Ira, Sia, Cupi, and I through the winding halls of our castle. We eventually got to the wall above the drawbridge, and Cupiditas pointed down at a tiny package that sat just beyond its reach.

It was bright red and held together tightly with a velvet ribbon.

“See?” the Sister of Greed chuckled. “It has Asmodeus’ fingerprints all over it.”

“Cool,” I said with a nod. “So, what does it say?”

“We have not looked at it yet,” Sia explained.

“Why not?” I asked with a quirked eyebrow. “One of our potential allies just sent us a gift. Shouldn’t we open it?”

“Normally I’d say ‘yes,’” Ira started, “but I’m a politician. I can spot a suspicious package from a mile away, and that is one suspicious package. No messenger or delivery boy? An unmarked box left at your front door? Something doesn’t smell right here.”

I nodded. “Well, we’re never going to find out if we don’t open it.”

“We just wanted your opinion first, Jacob,” Sia explained. “You are our King, after all.”

I let out a deep sigh and glanced at all my friends. Even the way they looked at me had changed now that I was the King of the Fourth Circle.

“Guys,” I muttered as I rubbed my brow, “I know I’ve got all these fancy new titles, but I’m still the same Jacob Ralston you knew back on Earth Realm. I don’t need all this bureaucratic, micromanagement shit that most Kings of Hell are used to doing. I trust you to do what’s right, and you certainly don’t need my permission to move forward with every little thing that happens down here.”

“You guys heard the man!” Todd said as he jumped up and down excitedly. “I have permission to build my life-sized replica of the skyscraper from Gremlins 2. No takesies-backsies!”

I opened my mouth to protest, but then I realized I had walked right into that one. Besides, there was no way in hell he was actually going to build the thing.

“What if it’s a bomb?” Libidine interjected as she studied the box from afar. “That would be just like Asmodeus, sending a bomb to his enemies disguised as a gift.”

“Or it’s a box full of flesh-eating locusts,” Ira suggested. “I’ve been on the receiving end of those quite a few times, usually of my own free will.”

“That’s it!” I exclaimed as it dawned on me. “Ira, I hate to ask this of you, but how would you like to act as our bomb squad for this one?”

The slender, dark-haired succubus tilted her head curiously.

“Why would you hate to ask?” she mused. “I’d fucking love it if it blew up and melted all my skin off my bones. I haven’t had a good fire facial in forevvver.”

There was silence as we all tried to comprehend what the Sister of Wrath had just said.

“I-I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Todd finally sputtered, “but I think you need some religion in your life, Crazy Eyes.”

“Nonsense,” Ira scoffed giddily. “I’ll be right back! Maybe it’s a box full of some infectious disease? Chemical warfare sounds like a blast … ”

The dark haired woman summoned her two massive, bat-like wings, and then she took to the air. Ira fluttered down in front of the box and slowly bent down before she came back up with it in her hands.

We all watched with bated breath as the succubus turned the red package over in her hands and then held it up to her ear and shook.

I was prepared to summon up a wall of purple flames if the fucking thing blew up, but the opportunity never came.

Instead, Ira placed the box back on the ground, untied the ribbon, and removed the lid. She rubbed her chin curiously as she inspected the package’s contents, and then she threw back her head and laughed.

“I guess it’s not a bomb, then,” I observed.

Ira swept the package up in her arms and then flew back up onto the top of the wall. She was still laughing profusely as she landed and held out the crimson box for me to take.

“So, it’s nothing bad?” I asked rhetorically.

“Oh, it’s something very, very bad,” Ira cackled. “But it’s not dangerous, no.”

I cautiously reached into the box and felt around until my hand brushed up against a large piece of cardstock. Then I removed the massive piece of paper and tossed the box to the side.

“What is it, Jacob?” Libidine immediately questioned.

“A letter?” Sia guessed.

“Kindaaaa,” Ira snickered.

I nearly swallowed my tongue when I realized what I was looking at.

It was a letter, alright. But every now and again, one of the words was replaced with a package of candy.

To Jacob Ralston, the King of the Fourth Circle,

I hope this doesn’t cause too much of a time “crunch,” but I received your message and wish to host you and your nobles, or the “three musketeers” of your team. I am very interested in the “mounds” of topics we could talk about, and it would be worth “100 grand” if you were to accept my offer and “rolo” over here.

Sincerely, Asmodeus, the King of the First Circle and the biggest “sweet tart” in Hell.

P.S. I hope my message made you “snicker.”

“Is this … a fucking candygram?” I muttered in shock. “Like, an honest to God candygram?”

Todd let out a shrill yell as he fell to the ground and curled up into a ball. “Hit the deck, bro!” he warned. “Haven’t you seen Blazing Saddles? Those fucking things explode!”

“That’s just a movie, Todd,” I said as I rolled my eyes and placed the piece of cardstock back in the box. “I can’t fucking believe Asmodeus, one of the great Demon Kings, communicates through candygrams. What kind of a demon is he, anyway?”

“A very flamboyant one,” Sia explained. “Now that I think about it, we should have expected this.”

“Sia,” I chuckled, “I don’t think if I lived a thousand years and could simultaneously view every possible future that exists, I would expect that. This is the guy we just asked to hitch our cart onto?”

“Don’t let appearances fool you, Jacob,” Cupi warned. “Libidine is the Sister of Lust, and she’s one of our most formidable fighters.”

“I guess so … ” I trailed off.

We were facing down Beelzebub, one of the most manipulative and ruthless of the Demon Kings, and possibly Lucifer himself.

And my only ally just agreed to discuss terms via a fucking candygram.

“So, uhhhhh,” Tris interrupted my thoughts, “is anyone gonna eat those candy bars? I totally don’t want them to get all melty.”

What the fuck did I just get myself into?

Chapter 6

“I’m so honored you included me in your top four nobles, bro.” Todd was nearly ecstatic as we sailed down the River of Souls toward the First Circle of Hell. “Seriously, the Toddster’s used to being so awesome nobody can handle him. That’s why I was always picked last in gym class.”

“Come on,” I mused, “you think I was gonna pay Plato a visit without bringing along his favorite little imp? Also, if things go south with Asmodeus, we might need you to go all Predator and go for help.”

“Do you really have that little faith in us?” Ira cooed from behind us on the rocking boat. “There’s no way we’re getting captured by Asmo-fucking-deus.”

I shot the succubus a curious look over my shoulder. “You know, between the candygram and the way you guys keep talking about him, I’m starting to have second thoughts here.”

“Pay her no mind, Jacob,” Superbia spoke up. “Asmodeus might come across as a pushover, but he has a full army, as well as dozens of Demon Lords at his side. If we can get him on our side, then maybe, just maybe, some of the other Kings might join us. It would prove you were a leader worthy of following.”

“Offing the demon who literally taught humans how to wage war wasn’t enough?” I scoffed. “It’s not like Azazel was a fucking pushover.”

“No,” Ira admitted, “but his status had waned in his final days. After you defeated him the first time, the other Demon Kings thought he was losing his touch. After all, the idea that one of the most powerful Demon Lords in the universe could be defeated by a mere mortal was laughable. No offense.”

“None taken,” I growled sarcastically.

“Basically, the rest of the forces of Hell are salivating at the prospect of killing you and becoming the next King of the Fourth Circle,” the Sister of Wrath continued. “To them, you’re not a threat in the slightest.”

“Again, water under the bridge,” I sighed. “Have they not heard of all the demons we slayed back on Earth? How I converted all those cultists and slayed Leviathan?”

Ira put her hands on her hips and shook her head. “None of that matters, Jacob,” she explained. “Humans are seen as the lowest of the low, and almost every demon has a cult. And the demons we killed? They were all followers of Azazel. If the other Demon Kings thought he was weak, then they thought those bastards were even weaker.”

“So none of the shit I’ve done in the last three years has meant anything to these fuckers?” I grumbled angrily. “I’m still just ‘the mortal?’”

“To them, yes,” Cupiditas interjected as she put her hand on my shoulder, “but we all know better.”

“Yeah,” Todd added. “We all know Jakey’s the baddest motherfucker this side of the realms. Badder than goddamn Shaft, badder than Rambo, and badder than mother-fucking Hulk Hogan.”

I let out a surprised gasp. “Badder than Hulk Hogan?” I asked. “He’s like, your favorite wrestler of all time.”

“Ah yes,” Cupi agreed, “the great warrior of Earth, Hulk Hogan.”

“You must really think highly of me to lump me in with the Hulkster,” I whistled.

“Fuck yeah, brother,” Todd chuckled as he threw his voice to sound like the pro wrestler. “All the demons of Hell better eat their vitamins and say their prayers, because Jakey is coming for ‘em!”

“Thanks, bro.” I smiled and patted the imp on the head. “Who needs an army of demons when I’ve got friends like this?”

“Uh, please tell me that’s rhetorical,” Todd begged in his normal voice. “Because nine badasses and some undertrained humans against the literal Armies of the Damned? I don’t like those odds one bit.”

“Ah, come on,” I chuckled as I prodded the imp further. “We’ve beaten worse odds than that before.”

“Todd’s right,” Sia agreed. “The Daeva were one thing. They were all untrained, mindless monsters Uriel and Beelzebub could point in a direction and tell to attack. Actual soldiers of Hell, though? Even the armies of the Divine were barely able to fight them off.”

“I get it, I get it,” I conceded. “I was only partially joking. I’m confident Cupi here will get those Shades knocked into fighting shape, and then we’ll at least have a semi-functional army.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” the fit blonde laughed, “but we’ve still got a lot of work to do. Yesterday, I noticed most of them got winded doing a simple one-mile jog. That’s not even close to being in fighting shape.”

“You’ll get them there, Cupi,” Todd promised. “If the Toddster can go cold turkey on weed, then anything is possible.”

“You gave up weed?” Ira gasped. “But what about you and Tris’ plans for a dispensary?”

“I didn’t give it up willingly,” the imp clarified. “But I didn’t realize how long we were gonna be trapped down here, so I blew through it all in the first week. In fact, I hotboxed the shit out of the northwest guard tower.”

“Is that why they keep volunteering to take that one on their guard shifts?” Cupi questioned with an extended finger. “Surely it must have worn off by now.”

“I dunno … ” The imp admitted. “I smoked a whollllle bunch of the Green Death up there. They say it’s impossible to die from a marijuana overdose, but with that strain me and Slothy came up with, we sure as fuck are gonna try.”

Our ship was just passing through the portal between the Second and First Circles as Todd was explaining his potent new strain of weed. The next thing we knew, the small dinghy was afloat in a vast blue lake that vaguely smelled of sulfur.

Ah yes, the First Circle. The place was an “inferior version of Earth,” created for the mortals who lived a good life but didn’t believe in the Exalted One and his teachings. Everything looked exactly like a modern-day city, but with one small difference.

It was chock-full of minor inconveniences and annoyances.

Still, ever since we’d arrived in Hell, we made many acquaintances, both friend and foe.

Black Bart the pirate and his crew tried to steal from us, and we’d put him in his place. Likewise, we had a small yet insignificant altercation with George Carlin when Todd tried to do a “joke-off” with the late comedian.

On the other hand, we’d made a great ally in the ancient Greek philosopher, Plato. The man had helped us when we first arrived in Hell, he helped us figure out how to get into the Second Circle, and he’s been our go-to contact for this region ever since.

And there he was.

As we approached one of the docks in the city of Limbo, I saw the philosopher standing at the pier diligently. He was wearing a perfectly-fitted, black three-piece suit with a white shirt underneath. On each of his feet he wore an even darker dress shoe so well-polished I could see the sun glinting off them from all the way out here. Finishing off his outfit was a bright red and white tie fastened to his neck with a neatly-done knot. Even though he came from the fifth century B.C., Plato sure knew how to dress snazzily.

We pulled up to the pier, and Todd heaved the anchor over the edge as Cupi tied a quick knot around a nearby post. The five of us exited the ship and greeted or old friend happily.

“Plato!” Todd exclaimed as he ran over and hugged the philosopher’s leg. “I’ve missed ya, you big hairy lug!”

“It’s good to see you again too, Todd,” Plato chuckled.

“Soooo, I have to talk to you about your newest historic erotica,” the imp implored. “A love triangle between Ben Franklin, Ghandi, and Queen Victoria? Pure. Gold. I can do little but thank you for your genius, bro.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you,” the philosopher explained. “If not for your words of encouragement, those books would have all just sat on my shelf collecting dust for all eternity. Now, they’re the First Circle’s number one best seller! But we can talk more about my work later.”

“Hello, old friend.” I smiled and extended my hand.

The philosopher shook it, and then pulled me in for a hug.

“It’s been too long, Jacob,” he mused. “Or should I call you ‘King Ralston?’”

“Nope,” I reassured the bearded man as I pulled away. “I fucking hate all that hierarchtical bullshit. I only make other demons call me by my full title.”

The succubi walked up to the philosopher, and he wrapped Sia and Cupi in a warm embrace.

“Superbia, Cupiditas, how have you been, my friends?” the philosopher implored, and then he saw Ira and held out his hand. “Hello. I don’t believe we’ve met before. Which succubus are you?”

“I’m Ira.” The short-haired woman smiled and shook Plato’s hand. “The Sister of Wrath.”

“Sister of Wrath?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “I hope I’m not being too forward, but I’d love it if I could pick your brain about some of that … what do you call it? EDM? I’m trying to work some of that into my work, but I don’t have the slightest idea where to start.”

“EDM?” Todd snickered. “I think you’re wayyyy off the mark with your acronyms there, bud. Though, there’s a lot of leather and dog collars involved with that one, too.”

Plato turned back to me and stroked his beard in thought.

“So, Mr. Ralston,” he pondered aloud. “You’re meeting with Asmodeus? Has he agreed to join forces?”

“Not quite,” I sighed. “He only said he wants to meet to discuss a possible alliance. Nothing concrete yet. I just hope we’re not walking into a trap or something like that.”

“Highly doubtful,” the philosopher agreed. “I’ve only had limited interactions with the King of the First Circle, but he’s never seemed like a schemer to me. He wears his emotions very clearly on his sleeve at all times, so if he wanted to lure you into a trap, I doubt he’d be able to keep it a secret for long.”

“Great,” I joked with a roll of my eyes. “So, if we’re being double-crossed, it’ll happen sooner rather than later.”

Without another word, Plato walked toward the exit of the pier, turned around, and motioned for us to follow.

“Come now, friends,” he pleaded. “Asmodeus’ cathedral is quite the hike, but I think we can make it there in a timely manner.”

The succubi, Todd, and I followed the philosopher through the city of Limbo, and I couldn’t help but marvel in awe at the spectacle.

Despite its minor annoyances, Limbo was a beautiful city. If you didn’t know any better, you’d have thought it was a sprawling metropolis on par with New York or Chicago, and not a Circle of Hell. Even the updates I’d made to the Fourth Circle paled in comparison.

A few cars drove up and down the street, but most of the Shades in this Circle preferred to walk everywhere. We were greeted by dozens of friendly people as we journeyed toward our final destination, and I noticed some of them whispered to their friends as we passed.

I guess word really did spread fast in Hell.

Unlike the buildings back in my Circle, everything in Limbo was built just as it was on Earth. Metal, concrete, plaster and chrome replaced the brimstone I was accustomed to, and the glaring difference made all of the structures look like they had been plucked straight out of New York City.

Then my nostrils were assaulted by a scent I hadn’t smelled in forever. It was a distinct scent of greasy cheese and garlic, with just a hint of yeast.

Pizza.

“Guys!” I shouted as I froze in place, and my stomach rumbled loudly. “Do you smell that?”

The succubi, Todd, and Plato all began to smell the air, and then their faces contorted into expressions of longing.

“Broooooo,” Todd whimpered. “Is that what I think it is? The delicious heart attack in wheel form?”

I glanced down the nearby street to confirm my suspicions and was greeted by a massive sign that read Marty’s Pizzeria.

“How much further is the cathedral from here?” I asked Plato hopefully. “Do we have time to stop for lunch?”

The philosopher pulled a folded up piece of paper out of his pocket, opened it up, and ran his finger along the image.

“According to my map, it’s only about another mile,” he explained. “I think we should be alright. Not to mention, we’ve been walking for the last hour. I think a food break is in order.”

The second the words had left Plato’s mouth, a blur of red shot past us toward the restaurant.

“Last one there has to pay for everything!” Todd cackled as he skidded to a stop at the pizzeria’s door.

“I don’t think he quite understands everything is free in the First Circle,” Plato chuckled.

“I’m still not over that yet,” Sia sighed. “It goes against the very fiber of my being.”

The succubi, Plato, and I sauntered down to the restaurant’s glass door, pulled it open, and entered.

Marty’s had a sort of “old school urban” aesthetic to it. The interior walls were made up of bright red bricks, and they were covered with all sorts of black and white photographs of city life. Every now and again, the nostalgic photographs were interrupted by a snarky sign that held some clever saying like “We ain’t ya mamma, clean up after yourself!” The tables looked like your standard midrange Italian place, with red and white checkered tablecloths laid across them and a small red basket that held condiments.

Todd was already at the counter when we approached.

“ … and a full order of BBQ wings,” he ordered. “And like, a full plate of your dessert cookies.”

“Will that be all, sir?” the man behind the counter asked.

“Hmmmm,” the imp pondered. “What do you guys think? I already ordered two pizzas, six sandwiches, some breadsticks, wings, cookies, and a two-liter.”

“Wow,” Cupi joked. “You sure that’s enough?”

Todd thought it over for a second, and then he turned back to the counter.

“The bodacious blonde is right,” he said with a nod. “Better play it safe and add two more sandwiches and another pepperoni pizza to that order.”

“Alright,” the man sighed as he typed in the order. “It’ll be right out.”

The six of us meandered over to an empty table and sat down as we eagerly awaited our food. Even though there was nothing in front of us, the smell of the joint hit me like a ton of bricks and caused my stomach to churn hungrily.

“You got a small bear hidden under your shirt, Jakey?” Todd chuckled.

“It’s weird,” I admitted. “I’m not even that hungry, but the prospect of something that’s not vargrat is too good to pass up.”

“I understand completely,” Sia added. “Gula might be the best chef in the universe, but any and all Earth food is better than eating vargrat meat. Even when it’s well-prepared.”

“Hey, it could be worse,” Ira muttered. “We could be eating raw vargrat like we used to.”

“You used to eat it raw?” I gagged.

The Sister of Wrath shot me a death glare.

“You have no fucking idea,” she sighed. “For the longest time, Azazel wouldn’t let us eat anything else. He claimed anything other than the raw meat of a rodent was ‘too good for succubus filth.’ But then Lucifer cracked down on Azazel and told him he had to give his soldiers better rations. That’s when he started to let Gula do her thing.”

“What a twatwaffle,” Todd whistled. “I’m really glad that giant red asshole is worm food.”

“You and me both, Todd,” Ira agreed. “You and me both.”

Just then, the man who took our order appeared with two other employees. They sat down the various platters of food on the table, gave us a gracious bow, and then left with a “bon appetit.”

I saw the incredible creations that sat before us and nearly fell backward in my chair.

First, there was the pizzas themselves. There was a cheese, a pepperoni, and some strange concoction I wasn’t familiar with, one with chicken and some sort of orange sauce. Each of the pies were smothered with grease and toasted, bubbly mozzarella cheese, with a crust that was still smoking from the oven. The cheesy breadsticks were nearly identical, but somehow even more smothered in cheese and oregano.

I wasn’t a huge fan of wings, but the ones in the little plastic basket looked delectable. They had hints of golden-brown skin beneath their exterior that was completely overflowing with the maple-colored sauce. From the smell, they were just the right blend of smokey and spicy.

There were also eight sandwiches, half of them subs. The bread looked like it had been covered with butter and then toasted to perfection, and melted cheese and tender meat overflowed from between the two slices of bread.

“You know what they call these, bro?” Todd snickered. “Grinders. Like, honest to god, they call them the same thing I call those strippers at the Velvet Lips.”

“These are probably a way better value,” Sia admitted. “I reserve the … lower tier of dancers for those roles.”

“These will probably taste better, too,” Todd joked. “Trust me, Delightful Daisy is like--”

“I’m going to stop you there,” I said as I raised my hand and held back bile. “Before I lose my appetite.”

I picked up the nearest sub sandwich, raised it to my mouth, and took a bite. My teeth crunched against the toasted bread as my mouth was filled with a mixture of butter, mozzarella, and sausage complemented by a small dose of onion and green pepper. I swallowed the delicious bite and made a “mmmmm” sound as I rolled my eyes back in my head.

“This stromboli is to die for,” I announced.

“Stromboli?” Cupi asked curiously as she examined her sandwich.

The blonde succubus crunched into the sub, chewed it for a bit, and then her face stretched into a huge grin.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” I prompted.

“This is fucking delicious,” Cupi gasped nearly orgasmically.

I took a second bite, but as my taste buds sprang to life, I felt half of the sandwich’s filling fall out the back. I was wearing a gray sweater, and it was now covered with the greasy mixture.

“Fucking First Circle,” I sighed as I set the now-empty bread back into its basket.

“You should try this one, Jacob,” Plato mused and held up a pile of deli meat, cheese, and vegetables pressed between two pieces of sourdough. “It’s an italian club. The bread is a tad stale, and the lettuce is browning, but otherwise it’s not too bad.”

“Is that all yours is like?” Ira muttered. “The tomatoes in mine keep spraying me when I take a bite.”

We all glanced over at Todd and waited for him to make a snarky comment. It took a second for the imp to realize we were staring at him, and then he simply shook his head.

“That’s low-hanging fruit even for me, bro,” he said as he clicked his tongue. “Just eat and move on, friendos.”

Todd had already devoured half of the pepperoni pizza, so I reached for the one with the chicken. As I placed it on my plate, I smelled a tangy, hot scent that reminded me of the buffalo wings we always used to get back in college.

“What kinda pizza is this, Todd?” I questioned the imp.

Todd held up a finger as he continued to scarf down a handful of breadsticks. As soon as he swallowed, his face stretched into a wide smile.

“Bro,” he mused. “Three words. Buffalo. Chicken. Pizza. Total orgasm in your mouth.”

I bit into the slice and quickly realized the imp was right. There was a small hint of heat, but nothing too overwhelming. Unlike a normal pizza, all of the red sauce was replaced by a mixture of buffalo sauce and ranch. This combination, along with the tender chicken, caused the slice of pizza to nearly melt in my mouth as I chewed. I took two more bites of the pizza, and then I had to recoil in pain.

As I took the final bite, a fleck of the buffalo sauce flew up and hit me square in the eye.

“Mother fucker,” I growled as I quickly grabbed a napkin and rubbed my eyelid. “Ya know, this food is delicious, but it’s almost not worth it. Is anyone else having issues?”

“Oh, my sinuses and eyeballs are on fire,” Ira giggled, and I saw tears were streaming down her cheeks. “It just makes this meal all the more delightful, in my opinion.”

“Yeahhhh,” Cupi spoke up and motioned to her stained white shirt. “I didn’t really like this thing, anyways.”

“My beard is a greasy mess,” Plato sighed. “I’m going to have chin acne for months.”

“What about you, Superbia?” I asked the prim and proper succubus madame. “What’s the deal with yours?”

“Nothing,” she said with a shrug. “You see, friends, even when you’re in the First Circle, it pays to be cautious and delicate with your--”

Before she could finish, one of the waiters walking behind her tripped over his own feet, and she was cut off by a waterfall of soda landing smack-dab in her lap.

Sia’s face turned red from embarrassment, and then it quickly turned into a look of anger. She craned her neck eerily slowly so she could look at the waiter, and I was worried we were about to witness a murder.

“I’m so sorry!” he apologized profusely as we all tried not to laugh. “Let me get that for you … ”

The redhead held up her hand and sighed. “It’s alright, dear,” she grumbled. “It’s the First Circle. I should have expected as much.”

“Look on the bright side, Strawberry Shortcake,” Todd joked and shoved another slice of pizza in his mouth. “Next time Jakey goes down on you, he’s gonna get the sweet, refreshing taste of root beer.”

“Thanks, Todd,” Superbia said through gritted teeth.

“I’m here till Thursday,” he laughed, and then he threw an entire chicken wing into his mouth, bones and all.

Todd crunched up the hunk of chicken with his teeth, swallowed it whole, and then picked at his teeth with his claws.

“Is that safe?” I gasped. “You--you just at the bones and everything.”

“Bro, I’ve got a gut of steel now,” Todd explained as he slapped his belly. “I could probably eat a fucking box of nails and razorblades, and I’d be fine. But I really don’t want to test that theory.”

“Why not?” Ira asked, a little too into the idea.

We ignored the Sister of Wrath’s question as we continued to stuff our faces with the incredible food. Everything tasted nearly perfect, and eventually we got so into it we stopped giving a fuck about all the small issues that came along with it. Within no time, we had reduced our massive feast to nothing.

Then all of us were now sitting back in our chairs, and we moaned and held our bloated stomachs as if we were about to give birth.

“We … we didn’t even touch the cookies,” Cupi forced the words out of her mouth.

“We can’t let that stand,” Todd belched. “The Toddster does not allow for wasted desserts. Everybody take five of the suckers!”

The succubi, Plato, and I all groaned as we reached forward, grabbed a handful of the circular morsels, and began to shove them in our faces.

The cookies were still warm from the oven, but I could tell they were somewhat undercooked.

Joke’s on you, First Circle. Cookie dough is the shit.

“We’re probably all gonna get salmonella from those,” I laughed as we finished off the last of the food.

Todd let out a loud burp and rubbed his cheeks satisfactorily. “Worth it, bro,” he groaned. “Worth. It.”

We let our food digest for a few more minutes as the wait staff came back out and cleaned up the remnants. Then Plato looked down at his watch and sighed.

“As much as I’d love to just sit here and remain in my food coma,” he laughed, “we need to get going if you want to make it to Asmodeus on time.”

“That’s fine with me,” Cupi announced as she stood up. “We need to walk off some of this lunch, anyway.”

“That was lunch?” Sia muttered. “That was enough food to count for our next three meals.”

“Come now, Superbia,” Ira giggled and stood up. “You know Asmodeus is going to want to wine and dine us. He’s the Master of Love, after all.”

“Master of Love, huh?” I couldn’t help but laugh. “What, is he some sort of hunky sex machine? Doe he have a huge-ass harem of succubi?”

“Oh, you’ll see,” Cupi reassured me ominously.

We left a small tip for the waiter in the form of an autographed copy of one of Plato’s works, and then we headed out the door and toward Asmodeus’ dwelling.

The six of us continued onward for another fifteen minutes, and then I saw it. Asmodeus’ cathedral.

And holy shit, it was the most glorious thing I’d ever seen.

Much like the cathedrals of Earth Realm, the building was a massive structure with spires that stretched to the heavens. However, its exterior colored with a combination of reds, pinks, and purples, and there were massive neon signs plastered around the walls.

There were several stained glass windows, and each of the beautiful artworks displayed two lovers in the throes of different sexual positions. Todd was trying to list them all off as we approached, but I was too shell-shocked to pay attention.

Last, but certainly, certainly not least, almost every piece of the structure was shaped like a different piece of genitalia. The spires looked like dicks, the doors looked like vaginas, and even the knocker on the wooden pink door looked like a set of testicles.

“Am … am I hallucinating, bro?” Todd asked. “Please tell me we got food poisoning back at Marty’s, and I’m in some sort of fever dream.”

“This is real, alright,” Plato chuckled. “I know it’s a little … odd the first time you see it, but it’ll grow on you.”

“There’s a dick joke in there somewhere,” Todd observed, “but I’m way too into this cathedral to figure it out.”

“Speaking of which,” Plato said as we reached the entryway of the building, “this is where I leave you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Cupiditas asked. “Surely Asmodeus won’t care if we have one more member of our team along.”

The philosopher perked up. “I’m a member of your team?”

“Of course you are,” I reiterated. “You’ve done so much for us, Plato.”

The bearded man put his hand over his heart and pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “I’m flattered,” he said through a toothy grin, “but this is your diplomatic mission. If something were to go wrong and you’d need to take refuge, you know where my cave is located. But for now, I bid you all ado.”

Plato bowed, and then he turned around and began his long journey back home.

Meanwhile, the five of us were left in front of the giant cathedral of love.

“Soooooo,” Todd started as we stared at the door, “who’s gonna knock? I’m definitely not touching balls, bro.”

“I’ll do it,” Superbia offered as she shot me a sly grin. “As Jacob has discovered, I have zero qualms about holding balls in my hands.”

The succubus picked up the knocker and then pounded it against the door three times. There was silence for a moment, and then the sound of a mechanical lock being lifted rang out from the other side. The door opened, and we were greeted by a man with black, long-top hair and a jewel-encrusted military uniform on his body.

“Hello,” he said. “You must be Jacob and the ‘three musketeers.’ My name is Ronaldo, and my master has been looking forward to meeting you all day. Do come in.”

Ronaldo stepped to the side and gestured for us to enter, and we obliged.

The inside of the cathedral was even more insane than the outside. Before us sat a long carpet runner made of complete red shag, and it stretched all the way down the massive hallway, all the way up to a throne on the other side of the room.

The walls were painted in shades of warm colors, and mounted on them were a vast array of sex toys.

“This way, please,” Ronaldo said as he stepped past us and headed down the runner.

The six of us followed the man as we took everything in.

Either side of the pathway was filled with bean bag chairs, large furry couches, and circular beds. More interestingly, almost all of them were inhabited by men and women in various states of undress.

We finally arrived at the end of the runner, and I could now see Asmodeus’ throne much more clearly. It was made up entirely of translucent red crystals, and the King’s name was carved into the backrest of the seat.

Ronaldo walked up beside the throne, held up his hands, and cleared his throat loudly. The second he did so, the entire room grew eerily silent.

“Ahem,” he started. “Denizens of the First Circle, please welcome our special guests, Jacob Ralston and his friends.”

There was muted cheering, but nothing to write home about.

Just then, a group of men walked out from a nearby doorway with guitars in their hands. They formed a line on each side of the door that stretched all the way up to the crystal throne, and then they began to play fanfare on their guitars in the form of a funky bassline.

“This is too good, bro,” Todd whispered. “I’m dreaming. I’m fucking dreaming.”

“Please welcome our master, the King of the First Circle and the Master of Love,” Ronaldo continued. “Denizens, welcome your king, Asmodeus!”

Nothing could have prepared me for what walked through that door.

Into the room stepped a large, lanky demon. He had dark red skin, beady black eyes, and two horns that came out in a straight, downward curve. He stood about seven feet tall on his clawed feet, and he towered over all of the Shades who played his fanfare.

What really made Asmodeus stand out, however, was his outfit.

The demon was wearing a huge, flowing purple cape made completely of fur. It had a white trim spotted with speckles of black, and the cape made the King look like he was double as wide as he really was. He wore a matching purple top hat on his head and jewel-encrusted black shoes, and he strutted toward his throne using a jewel-encrusted cane. Underneath the cape was a red, frilly dress shirt unbuttoned all the way down to the center of his chest, and his bottom half was squeezed into black leather pants that looked like they would explode if he bent over. Once he reached his destination, two of the guitarists rushed over and pulled his cape off his shoulders, and then he sat down.

“Pinch me, bro,” Todd whispered. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.”

I had to shut the imp up with a gentle slap to his shoulder, and then we watched the King of the First Circle with bated breath.

Asmodeus placed his cane in front of his body and leaned in to look at us. Finally, he smiled, sat back, and crossed his right leg over his left knee.

“Jacob Ralston, welcome to my not-so-humble abode,” he said somewhat cockily. “Please make yourself at home. We have much to discuss.”

Chapter 7

“What’s the protocol, here?” I whispered to Sia under my breath. “Do I bow?”

“Jacob,” she hissed, “you are a King. You don’t bow to anyone.”

Asmodeus sat up in his chair and quirked an eyebrow. “Is there something you wish to say, Jacob?” he asked curiously.

“Uh, no, I--pleased to make your acquaintance, Asmodeus,” I sputtered. “I received your message, and I was hoping we could talk about a potential alliance.”

“So forthcoming,” he whistled. “I love it. But please, Jacob, don’t feel like you need to be hard-nosed with me. This trip should be one of pleasure, not just of business.”

“I can tell pleasure is kinda your thing,” I joked as I gestured all around us.

“What can I say?” Asmodeus shrugged. “I like to have a good time, and I like for all of my friends and underlings to have a good time as well.”

“I gotta ask,” Todd spoke up before anyone could stop him, “this is the First Circle, right? How exactly does one have minor inconveniences in a love shack like this?”

“You must be the imp I’ve heard so much about,” the King of the First Circle chuckled. “Well, my friend, you don’t have to worry about any of that here. This is the one place in my domain where we are free of the curse. Like you said, this is a ‘love shack.’ What kinda pleasure house would this be if you had to worry about things like ED or running out of lube or the bed breaking on you mid-coitus?”

“Fair enough.” Todd nodded. “Three more questions … was that a viagra dispenser I saw mounted to the wall over there? And do you have any singles rooms? And if you do, is there any way to get internet down here?”

Asmodeus grinned. “Yes and yes,” he explained, “and down here, you don’t need internet. I will provide two live performers who will do whatever your heart desires.”

“Alrighty then,” the imp said as he yawned. “Boy, you know, it’s been a long journey. If it’s okay with you, I think I’m gonna go take a nap or something in one of those private rooms.”

Without another word, Todd scurried off, snatched a couple of pills out of the dispenser, and then cackled as he ran off toward the staircase.

“‘Or something,’ is right,” I said as I shook my head. “So, Asmodeus, shall we get down to business, or--”

“Jacob, Jacob, Jacob,” the King interrupted, “you need to take a chill pill, my friend. Pleasure first, business later. As the imp said, you have all had a long journey. Please, go up and relax for a bit, and I’ll have my servants come and get you when dinner is ready. We can discuss our predicament then and there, over a plate of hot grub.”

“Fine,” I agreed. “But, uh … we don’t need any private performers.”

“Ohhh,” Asmodeus said with a wink. “You’re looking for somebody who’s a little more hands on, eh?”

“No, no.” I raised my hands to correct him. “We’ll just take one of those rooms up there all by ourselves. Is that legal here?”

“A man who only sleeps with his own succubi,” the King of the First Circle observed.

“I’m a bit old fashioned,” I said, even though the reality was less that I didn’t want to have sex with beautiful women, and more that I didn’t want to take one of his spies as a lover.

“I can appreciate that, even if I don’t agree with it what-so-fucking-ever. The rooms are right up those stairs, Mr. Ralston. I’ll see you in a few.”

The bass guitars started up again, and Asmodeus rose from his chair. His servants tossed his purple cape back over his shoulders, and then the demon strutted out of the main hall, back to where I assumed his chambers were located.

The succubi and I headed up the stairs, curious as to what the second story of this place was gonna look like.

“So that was … odd, to say the least,” I whispered as our footsteps echoed off the stairwell.

“He’s the King of Lust, Jacob,” Cupi explained. “What exactly did you expect?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “but it certainly wasn’t that!”

“Don’t let his looks deceive you,” Superbia assured. “He’s a Demon King for a reason. Beneath the lavish dress and flamboyant mannerisms, he’s a stone-cold killer and a brilliant politician.”

“But it’s sooooo easy to make fun of him,” Ira giggled. “Especially with all the stories I’ve heard.”

“Stories?” I questioned as we finally reached the top of the staircase.

“You have to remember, Jacob,” Sia continued, “aside from madames like myself, succubi are seen as low-level demons. They don’t get much interaction with the other major players of Hell, so their knowledge of other Demon Kings is purely based off the stories the other succubi tell them. As you can imagine, most of the stories aren’t very kind to their subject.”

“The one Asmodeus story I know is the one where he got his dick caught in a bottle,” Cupi said with a shrug.

“Is … is that even physically possible?” I gasped as I felt my whole body cringe.

“That’s nothing,” Ira laughed. “The one I heard told of how the King of the First Circle nearly died of dehydration.”

“That doesn’t sound that bad,” I admitted.

“Because he was pleasuring himself for forty-eight hours straight,” Ira finished.

“Ah,” I sighed. “Have you heard any stories about Asmodeus that don’t involve his horniness getting him into trouble?”

“I have one,” Sia added grimly. “There was a time back in four-thousand B.C. where a small group of his followers got together on Earth and decided they were going to overthrow him. Do you know what he did? Hmm?”

The other two succubi fell silent.

“He personally paid them a visit,” the redhead continued. “For all the men, he chained them naked to a large wooden “X” and then smothered their nether regions with honey. They all died slow, painful deaths while bugs and vermin literally gnawed off their genitals.”

“That’s fucking sadistic,” I said in shock.

“The women of the cult didn’t get off any easier,” Superbia sighed. “They were all placed on the wooden horse. Do you know what that is, girls?”

Ira nodded slowly. “I do,” she shuddered. “That’s one that’s even too twisted for me.”

“The wooden horse?” I questioned aloud. “I’m not following-”

“It’s a large triangle that’s placed upon a sawhorse-like structure,” Sia continued. “The women were hung by their wrists above it, then they had their legs forcibly separated, and were lowered down onto it slowly until they were dead.”

“Jesus,” I choked out.

“You can make your little jokes about Asmodeus, girls,” the madame finished, “but I’ve seen the real deal first hand, and it’s no laughing matter. We need to tread carefully. The King of the First Circle would be an invaluable ally, but if we mess this up, he will be a relentless enemy.”

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “I kinda figured out he’s got a massive ego. We better all be on our best behavior.”

“Best behavior?” Ira purred. “But I like being bad … ”

“Let’s just get to our room first,” I promised as we walked down the neon-encased hallways, “then we can be as bad as you possibly want.”

As we passed by the doors of the different rooms, I could clearly hear the sounds of ecstacy coming from the other side. The doors were composed of massively thick wood, but it apparently wasn’t enough to cut off the noises of people in the throws of love-making. Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was intentional. It added a sort of ambiance to the whole building.

“How are we gonna know which one is ours?” Cupiditas asked as we scanned the entrances for any clues.

Then we saw it.

All the way at the end of the hallway sat a massive set of red double doors that stood at least three times my height and ten feet wide. Just above the arch of the doorway hung a tacky banner that read “Welcome Jacob Ralston, King of the Fourth Circle” that looked like it was made with Wordart. Immediately to the right of the banner was a small poster with the words “and friends” scribbled onto it with marker.

“I dunno, guys,” I laughed, “do you think this could possibly be our room?”

“Asmodeus really outdid himself,” Ira whistled as we approached. “He must really be impressed by what he’s heard of you, Jacob.”

“Or he’s in the beginning stages of a trap,” Sia pointed out. “Perhaps he wants to get us off-guard and then dispose of us all.”

“I doubt that,” I argued. “We’ve been to the First Circle multiple times. If Asmodeus wanted us dead, he would have tried to kill us then. Or, he would have murdered us all right there in the grand hall, when they outnumbered us ten to one.”

“I suppose you’re right,” the redhead sighed as she approached the door. “Maybe I’m being too paranoid.”

“It’s your job,” I said with a warm smile. “If it wasn’t for your counsel, my life would be filled with reckless decision after reckless decision. At least, more so than it usually is.”

“Now you’re just trying to butter me up.” Sia frowned.

I grinned. “Is it working?”

“All too well,” she cooed and reached for the door handle.

“Wait!” Cupi nearly screamed when Sia began to turn the knob. “Is Todd in there? I really, realllyy don’t want to walk in on that.”

“I don’t think so,” Ira shot back with an amused expression on her face. “Check out this masterpiece.”

The dark-haired succubus pointed to a door on our right. It was much smaller than ours, only a single brown piece of wood on a set of metal hinges. But what really separated it from our own entryway was the sign plastered just under its peephole.

Gone whackin’. Enter at your own risk.*

Below the main set of text was an asterisk accompanied by much smaller font, so I leaned in closer to read it.

*The Toddster is not responsible for any psychological issues that may arise from entering this dwelling unannounced. For questions, complaints, or general legal shit, call 575-853-0451.

“Son of a bitch … ” I muttered as I pulled back and rejoined my friends. “That’s my phone number!”

“I’m confused as to where he got that sign from,” Sia pondered. “Did he find a printer? Does he just carry those around with him wherever he goes?”

I walked over and put my arm around the redheaded madame. “When it comes to Todd, it’s best not to think about it too hard,” I laughed before I reached down, turned the knob of our own room, and pushed the door open with a creak.

The four of us entered the suite and stood in silence as we tried to figure out what kind of a fever dream we’d just stepped into.

In the center of the room was a giant bed shaped like a heart. The covers and pillows looked like they were made of pure silk, and I could hear the damn thing vibrating slowly. Immediately next to the bed was a piece of furniture shaped like a gun rack. Only, instead of deadly weapons, it acted as a holster for every type of sex toy imaginable.

All the way on the other side of the room was a bathtub that looked like it was big enough to fit multiple people and a shower filled with all sorts of strategically-placed platforms and suction handles. It was almost like a rock climbing wall for fucking.

“Oh … my … god … ” Ira gasped and pointed over to the opposite side of the room.

There, mounted on the wall, was a set of leather arm and leg straps. Beside the restraints sat a large wall of whips, chains, gags, blindfolds, ticklers, ropes, and an assortment of other gadgets I couldn’t identify.

“Is that what I think it is?” Cupi asked the Sister of Wrath.

“It’s a--it’s a … ” Ira was clearly trying to answer, but it was like her brain was still trying to contain her excitement. “It’s a BDSM room!”

The dark-haired succubus let out a squeal of glee, ran over to the wall of goodies, and began to inspect each and every one. She picked up a long, black whip and then raised it in front of her body, whipped it backward, and filled the air with a loud “crack.” Satisfied, she coiled up the whip and sat it down on a nearby shelf.

“She seems to be enjoying herself,” Cupidiatas chuckled.

“You have no idea, Sister,” Ira shot back with a sly grin. “If you guys don’t mind, I think I’m going to split myself into two and then really enjoy myself, if you catch my drift. Does anyone want to join in?”

“I’m not sure we’re quite there in our relationship yet,” I laughed and threw up my hands. “But either of you are free to hop in if you think you’re up to it.”

“I think I’ll pass.” Cupi frowned. “I’m adventurous, but not anywhere near that adventurous.”

“Sorry, Ira,” Sia added. “I’d prefer to go into the meeting with Asmodeus without being sore, if you don’t mind.”

“It’s cool,” Ira reassured us. “That’s why I’ve got my other half around.”

As she spoke, pink Hellfire emerged from Ira’s hands and quickly spread across her body. The second she was engulfed, her figure began to fade in and out rapidly as if she were a character in a glitchy video game. Then a mirror image of the succubus grew from her body and took shape directly next to her. Finally, the Hellfire ceased, and there were two versions of the Sister of Wrath.

The first one was the dominant half, or “the Dom” as I liked to call her. She was in a jet-black leather corset that just barely covered her massive breasts and rode up like a thong on her curvy rear. The look was topped off with a pair of thigh-high leather boots and a tickler with a series of large blue feathers at its end.

The “sub” half of Ira was clad in a simple black string bikini that did nothing but cover her nipples and a set of crotchless bottoms that exposed her tender slit for all to see. She had fishnet stockings on her legs, a choker with a ball gag around her neck, and a blindfold on her forehead.

“Now,” the Dom grinned devilishly, “if you don’t mind, I’ve got a very naughty girl here who needs to be given a good flogging.”

“A flogging?” the sub moaned. “Why can’t we just jump right to the good stuff? I haven’t gotten any good fire play in weeks, and my skin isn’t going to burn itself.”

“Fire play?” The Dom rolled her eyes. “That’s only one small stop on the train to pleasureville. I’ll be your conductor, so you’d better get strapped in and prepare for the ride of your life!”

Ira’s sub let out a playful growl and then dashed over to the restraints on the wall. As soon as she was there, the Dom began to fasten her arms and legs into the complex contraption, and then she turned around and put her hand up on the curtain that separated the room from the main suite.

“Uh-uh-uh,” she giggled as she waggled her finger. “If you don’t wanna play, you don’t get to watch.”

The Dom violently pulled the curtain around the room, and then all we heard was giggling from both women.

All I could do was shake my head as I walked back over to the bed and plopped down at its edge. The second my ass touched the silky fabric, my entire body began to vibrate wildly.

“I-Is th-the-there anyw-a-a-a-ay to turn t-this th-th-thing off?” I cackled as I looked around for a button to stop the vibration.

Cupi walked over and pressed a small button at the head of the bed, and it stopped moving instantly. The succubus placed her hands on her hips as she savored her victory.

“You still have much to learn, Jacob,” she mused as she bent forward and got onto the bed on her hands and knees.

The succubus began to climb toward me on all fours, and I stared at her cleavage as it swayed back and forth with each movement.

“I guess I just need a better teacher,” I joked coyly.

“Be careful what you ask for, Jacob,” Sia chuckled as she sat down on the bed beside me. “Or else you might just end up getting ‘schooled’ by Ira.”

“Who says that’d be a bad thing?” I grinned as Cupi sat up on her knees beside me. “Maybe I’d totally be into it.”

“I’m sure you would be,” Sia observed. “Ira has a way of making even the strangest sensations pleasurable.”

“Oh?” I shot back. “Do you know that from experience?”

Sia’s face grew red, and she looked down at the floor bashfully.

“Superbia!” Cupi gasped as she feigned scolding. “You spend one night with Ira a few months ago, and now you’re into that sort of thing?”

“Don’t knock it until you-- yeooow! Try it,” Ira’s sub yelled from behind the curtain.

Cupi placed her hand on my cheek and turned me toward her. “I don’t need to try anything new,” she purred. “I’ve got everything I could ever want right here.”

Before I could utter a witty comeback, Cupi’s tongue was in my mouth, and we made out passionately as Superbia began to rub her slender hands under my shirt and up my body.

While we explored each other tenderly, I reached down and gently slid the fit blonde’s pants off. The second they were gone, I started to rub at her clitorus softly, and she let out a deep moan to voice her satisfaction.

I pulled away from Cupi for a second, and her hungry violet eyes stared into mine as she tugged off her shirt. My gaze followed the garment’s path as it moved up her toned stomach and then to her perky breasts before she tossed it to the side.

Suddenly, I felt Sia’s hands pull on my shirt, and I raised my arms in the air so she could remove it. As soon as I was defenseless, Cupiditas went in for the kill.

The naked blonde unbuckled my belt, yanked off my pants and underwear in one swift motion, and then took my erection in her hands.

“I’m never gonna get tired of this,” she cooed as she sized up my cock.

Cupi began to flick her tongue back and forth across the tip of my dick as she stroked it gently. This particular succubus had a reputation for her “sharp tongue,” and I was getting to experience it in all its glory.

While her Sister was going to town on my cock, Superbia was getting undressed.

I watched the Sister of Pride as she unfastened her tube top and let it fall to the floor. Her breasts were the smallest of any of the succubi in my harem, but somehow they were just as fabulous as a set of triple-Ds. I marveled at her petite figure with its narrow hips and perky pink nipples, and then I watched her playfully tug off her pants.

I pulled the madame in close and pressed my lips firmly against hers. She tasted as sweet as a strawberry, and I never wanted this moment to end.

I felt Cupi begin to work her way down my erection, and then I really didn’t want it to end. My body tensed as I ran my hands along the naked body of Sia, all while the other succubus was going to town on my rock-hard cock.

When I finally pulled myself away from Superbia, I saw Cupi give me a wink, and then she wrapped her lips around my dick and moved down as far as she could go. A wave of intense pleasure shot through my being as I moaned intently and leaned back with my eyes closed. Once Cupi was in a rhythm, I turned back to Sia, leaned over, and began to suck on her erect nipples.

Superbia moaned as she ran her hands through my brown locks and pulled me in closer.

Man, she really must have been working on stuff with Ira.

I felt myself getting closer and closer to the edge, but thankfully, Sia halted all of my momentum.

“Don’t hog him all to yourself, Cupiditas,” the redhead bemoaned.

Cupi let my cock slip from her mouth, but she still kept it firmly in her grasp. “Of course, Superbia,” she said in a somewhat sarcastic tone. “How could I be so selfish. Get on this fucking python.”

Sia moved over so she was straddling my erection, and then she stared at me lovingly as she placed her hand against my cheek. Cupi guided my hard cock inside of the redhead, and we both let out a gasp of joy. Superbia was amazingly wet, and she bit her lip as she began to ride me like a pogo stick.

Her small breasts bounced up and down as she ground her hips against mine and pulled me in for another passionate kiss.

I felt Cupi’s tongue against my balls, and I had to use all my willpower to keep from exploding right then.

The two succubi and I continued like this for a few minutes, and then Cupi pulled back, stood up, and slapped Sia harshly on the ass.

“Get up, Sister,” she demanded playfully. “It’s my turn again.”

“You’re so greedy.” Sia shot Cupi an annoyed look, but then she gave me a few more hard motions and moved from her position.

The blonde succubus went to get into position, but I quickly grabbed her around the waist and flipped her around so she was on her hands and knees.

I held onto her hips tightly as I slid into her delicate flower. I heard Cupi let out a series of muffled gasps as I slowly pushed myself into her as far as I could go, and then I slowly slid myself back out.

“Holy shit that feels amazing,” she moaned. “K-Keep doing that!”

I wasn’t going to argue. It felt really fucking good on my end, too.

As I fucked Cupi from behind, Superbia sauntered over and laid down in front of the blonde with her legs spread wide. Cupiditas must have gotten the hint, because she instantly grabbed the redhead’s outer thighs and buried her face into her vagina.

Our three bodies moved as one as we pleasured each other, and our sounds of passion mixed together into a single, roaring crescendo.

Cupi pulled back from her fellatio and began to moan more intensely than the rest of us. The walls of her pussy tightened around my dick, and then she bit her lip and let out a hurried, gasping sound as she orgasmed.

I felt the dam about to burst, but I wanted to make sure Sia was in on the fun, too.

I pulled out of Cupi, and she collapsed to the side. Then, I moved in on Superbia, grabbed her by the waist, and pulled her onto my waiting cock.

She whimpered in ecstasy as I entered her and started to thrust in and out of her pussy as quickly as I possibly could. Her chest and face began to flush as her breaths became hurried, and I could tell she was on the brink of finishing.

“Jacob, I think I’m about to--ohhhhhhhhh!” the redhead gasped as she orgasmed on my cock.

The sounds of her pleasure were too much for me, and I was about to fill up the redhead with my passion.

But Cupi had other plans.

The blonde hopped to her knees, forcibly pulled me out of Sia, and slammed my erection back into her mouth.

The sensation was like none I’d ever felt before, and I let out a satisfied groan as I came inside of the blonde’s throat.

Cupi’s eyes shot me a happy stare as she guzzled my cum, and then she slowly let my erection slide from her lips. She looked up at me, winked, and then swallowed.

“I didn’t get any?” Sia panted as she sat up, somewhat disappointed.

Cupi moved over to the redhead, wrapped her hand into her strawberry locks, and pulled her in close. Then the two succubi made out for a hot minute as they shared the taste of my passion.

For a second, I thought I was going to be ready for round two.

“I guess that will suffice,” Sia mused after they were done. “Besides, I got what I wanted from Jacob, anyway.”

I scowled at the madame, but the petite succubus just shrugged.

“Get over here,” I demanded jokingly, and then I moved in so I was between the two women in bed.

They both screamed happily as they fell into the silk sheets and cuddled up close to my naked body. Cupi and Sia were both warm, and their skin was softer than the finest bedspread in the universe.

Just then, I heard the curtain open, and I looked over to see Ira stumble out of the BDSM room.

There was a hint of golden healing flame along her figure as she approached the bed, and there was a slight limp in her step. Behind her, the room was filled with melted candles, several needles, displaced equipment, and what appeared to be blood.

Honestly, I wasn’t even going to ask.

“That was exhilarating,” Ira panted. “It looks like you guys had a great time, too. Room for one more?”

I patted the bed beside Cupi, and the naked Sister of Wrath hopped in. As I pulled all three of the succubi in close, I couldn’t help but stare at my reflection in the mirror on the ceiling and ponder our situation.

Was Superbia right? Was all this just an elaborate ploy by Asmodeus to get us killed? Or was the King of the First Circle genuine in his actions?

I didn’t know much about Asmodeus, but one thing was for sure.

He was certainly a lot more fucking fun than Azazel.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep with my lovers in my arms.

Chapter 8

The next thing I knew, a loud knocking sound jarred me awake. I stirred as I tried not to wake up the three succubi in my arms, and then I shifted up onto my feet and groggily made my way over to my discarded pants. I slid them back up around my waist and started to look around for my shirt, but then another round of impatient knocking rattled through the room.

Fuck it, I guess I was going topless for now.

I couldn’t help but rub my eyes exhaustively as I approached the entrance and fumbled for the knob. Finally, I threw open the large red door angrily and prepared to shoot daggers into whoever was behind the knocking.

“What do you--” I started, and then my breath felt like it was ripped from my lungs.

A pair of beautiful violet eyes stared back into mine. The purple orbs were attached to two sets of long, full eyelashes and surrounded by a thin line of dark blue mascara. The woman’s face was catlike, and her short, chocolate-colored locks cascaded down either side of her head. She stared into my very soul as a thin smile pursed up her lips that were covered in dark pink lipstick.

“Good evening,” she nearly cooed as her eyes trailed down to my bare chest. “I’m supposed to let you know Asmodeus is ready for you now. Should I tell him you’re on your way? I can see you’ve been busy utilizing our … facilities.”

The messenger glanced over at the mess Ira had made in the far back corner and shuddered.

“I can, uh … ” I stuttered, “I can explain that.”

“No need.” The woman shrugged. “Asmodeus has a strict policy in his cathedral: what happens in the purple rooms stays in the purple rooms. Especially when it involves another Demon Lord.”

“Demon King,” I corrected the beautiful brunette, and I made sure to clench the muscles in my torso as I boasted.

“A King, at least,” she giggled. “You don’t look like much of a demon to me. Not enough horns and fangs and multicolored skin. And far more handsome than any demon I’ve ever seen … anywho, what do you want me to tell my master? Should I give you some more time to have your fun and then come back later? He’d be more than willing to put dinner on hold if you--”

“No, no,” I said as I held up my hand and cut her off. “We’ll come down now, we just need a minute or two to get dressed.”

“Damn shame,” the brunette purred, “but I suppose that’d be for the best. I’d hate to see Asmodeus get jealous. He does very, very bad things when his ego gets hurt. I’ll go try and wake your friend again while you four are getting ready.”

“Todd’s asleep?” I asked.

“I wish,” the messenger sighed. “Every time I knock on his door, I hear things I wish I’d never heard … I’m all for sexual freedom, but … ”

“Welcome to my own personal Hell,” I joked. “You’d think living in an actual Circle of Hell would make things like that feel irrelevant, but it doesn’t.”

“Then I guess we’re in this together,” the woman said with a sly wink. “Now go get some clothes on, and I’ll try to get the imp to let go of his dick.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I laughed as the brunette turned away.

As she walked toward Todd’s room, I felt my eyes wandering down to her sashaying hips and her tight ass. I didn’t know who she was or her role in this whole endeavor, but I sure as shit wanted to get to know her better.

I let out a longing sigh, shut the door, and then walked back over to my clothes. As I passed by the sleeping succubi, I playfully tickled Cupi’s feet.

The blonde woman let out a shriek as the sensation shot through her feet, and then she sat up in bed and stared me down with an annoyed look.

Her noise caused the other two succubi to finally stir, and they both slowly sat up in bed.

“What was that about, Cupi?” Ira moaned as she rubbed her eyes.

The blonde succubus grabbed the furry purple pillow from behind her and threw it at me. “Jacob decided to be my alarm clock,” she pouted.

“That was quite unwise, Jacob,” Sia mumbled and tried to fix her bedhead. “Cupiditas doesn’t like to be woken up abruptly. Ask all of the alarm clocks she’s smashed.”

“And that reveille player during the Battle of Eden,” Ira added with a snicker. “I don’t think that poor demon’s hand will ever work again.”

“He died during the battle,” Cupi noted. “So, it’s not like he had to live as a cripple for very long.”

“Of course he did,” Sia couldn’t help but chuckle, “it’s quite difficult to wield a sword when your right hand is broken.”

“Then he shouldn’t have woken me up,” the blonde shot back nonchalantly. “He knew the risks when he signed up for the job.”

I finally found my shirt and pulled it back on over my uncovered torso.

“Wakey, wakey, guys,” I chuckled. “Asmodeus just sent for us.”

The girls all got up and made sure their skimpy clothing was firmly over their naughty bits before we ventured out into the hallway.

The brunette woman was pounding harshly on Todd’s door, and the exasperated look on her face told me she was about to break it down SWAT-style.

“Come out, imp!” she growled as she knocked. “Your friends are already out here, and I really, really don’t want to be the one to tell Asmodeus his guests are being rude.”

“I got this,” I said as I sauntered over to the door.

From the other side, I could hear the soft giggles of a woman clearly coming through a speaker system. Meanwhile, I could clearly hear Todd’s voice joyously singing through the lyrics of Don’t Stop Me Now at the top of his lungs.

“Hey Todd!” I yelled as I rapped on the door.

There was no response, and I was sure the imp was still in the throws of whatever twisted pleasures he was treating himself to in there.

I was going to have to do something drastic.

I sighed, took a step back, and summoned purple Hellfire into my hands. Then I let it spread down to my feet as I prepared to make my next move.

“Are you going to kick the door down?” Cupi gasped. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“I’ll be fine,” I acknowledged. “It can’t be worse than that time I walked into his room without knocking back in college. I thought I was going to have to literally pour bleach on my eyes to get that out of my head.”

I took a deep breath, leaned back, and stomped my foot against the wood right next to the doorknob.

There was a loud bang as the red door swung open, and all of the sounds within the room came to an abrupt stop.

I threw my left hand up over my eyes, stomped into the room, and extended my pointer finger in judgement.

“Todd,” I demanded. “Turn that shit off so we can--”

“Jakey?” Todd’s voice asked curiously. “Why do ya got your eyes closed, bro?”

“Because I don’t wanna see you playing ‘pop goes the weasel!’” I shot back.

The giggles of different women arose in the room, and I cautiously lowered my hand.

Todd was standing on a miniature stage surrounded by two large speakers, and he held a microphone in his hand. Right next to the imp was a tiny blue screen covered with text that changed as the song played.

It was a fucking karaoke machine.

There were about five female Shades standing in front of the stage, and they all stared me down with confusion in their eyes.

“I thought you were … ” I trailed off as I took in the scene before me.

“Ohhhhhhh,” Todd said as his eyes grew wide and realization spread across his face. “No way, bro. I was done with that shit hours ago, so I wandered downstairs and found this sweet setup. Then I invited these fine babes back to my room for a little private concert, and voilà! Did you really think I was choking the chicken for this entire time? That’s like, ‘talk to your doctor’ territory, bro.”

“Asmodeus is ready for us,” I muttered and shook my head. “Let’s go downstairs.”

“Sorry, girls,” Todd explained as he literally dropped the mic. “It looks like you’re gonna have to take a rain check on this one. Maybe next time I’ll give you a little Marvin Gaye. Toddster, out!”

The imp took a running start toward the small crowd, leapt up into the air, and spread out his arms and legs to do a stage dive. The Shades caught him, tossed him into the air, and then propelled him onto the ground. The imp cackled mischievously as he dashed past me and into the hall.

“Get back to work, girls,” Asmodeus’ brunette hissed. “We don’t pay you to sit around and listen to music. You know the rules: if you want to stay in this cathedral, you have to earn it!”

The women in the room hung their heads in shame and quickly scurried past our position as they giggled and whispered to each other secretly.

“It’s a good thing rough-n-tough showed up here when she did,” Todd whispered and pointed to the brunette. “I was totally running out of material. I was literally a few minutes away from busting out in Take on Me, and you know I only sing that one when I’m desperate.”

“Oh yeah,” I laughed as memories flooded into my brain. “Please tell me you were gonna do the dance? That one always drove the ladies crazy.”

“I was saving that panty-dropper for the grand finale,” the imp said with a grin.

The brunette woman let out a loud “ahem,” and Todd and I both shot our attention back to her.

This time, I took in her outfit a bit more in-depth. She was wearing a pitch-black dress that came down to just above her inner thighs and sat atop her shoulders snugly. The fabric was tight against her perky breasts and covered her torso all the way up to her neck. Her arms were covered with lacy sleeves, and upon further inspection I noticed they had a pattern of bats sewn into the lace.

“If you gentlemen are done,” she sighed, “my master awaits.”

“It’s good to see you again, Mirage,” Sia finally broke her silence. “I hope Asmodeus has been treating you well.”

“Certainly better than Azazel must have treated you,” the brunette scoffed and turned back toward the staircase. “The old King of the Fourth Circle would have never brought his succubi along on a diplomatic mission. Now come along.”

“That definitely warrants a follow-up,” I whispered to Superbia as we followed Mirage down the steps of the cathedral. “What was that all about?”

“If you haven’t figured it out by now,” Sia began, “Mirage is one of Asmodeus’ succubi. His madame, actually.”

“That explains a lot,” I admitted as I forced my eyes away from the beautiful woman’s ass again. “So, what’s her deal? What’s the schtick of Asmodeus’ harem?”

“I can answer that,” Cupi said in a slightly growling tone. “They’re all based on outward beauty, with a hint of their powers thrown in as a cheeky joke from Asmodeus.”

“So, I’m assuming that means Mirage can create hallucinations?” I whispered, and Cupi gave me a nod.

“The only two other members of the Bombshells, that’s what Asmodeus calls his harem, I have met before are Sister Venus and Sister Rose,” the blonde continued. “I was always paired with them on the frontlines because their powers were similar to mine.”

“Ice?” I asked curiously.

“Elemental,” Cupi explained. “Venus could summon lava, and Rose could control plants with her Hellfire.”

“That sounds badass!” Todd exclaimed, and Mirage shot him a dirty look before continuing on.

“They were insufferable,” Cupi sighed.

“I knew Sister Belle,” Ira added. “She had a strange, brownish-green flame that enhanced her strength and absorbed damage like no other. Not shabby in the sack, either.”

All four of us looked at Ira, and the Sister of Wrath just shrugged.

“What?” she guffawed. “Don’t tell me you’ve never hooked up with your fellow soldiers before.”

“Most of us liked to keep it within our inner circle,” Superbia explained. “On the rare occasions it did happen, that is.”

“There’s an incest joke in there somewhere,” Todd pondered as he stroked his goatee, “but I feel like I’m only working at five percent comedic brain power because I’m not stoned.”

Mirage led us down the stairway and back into the main hall. Then she guided us across the tacky red shag-carpet floors into a smaller room just off to the right.

“Welcome to the feasting room,” the brunette succubus announced as she motioned to the furnishings. “Please take whatever seat you’d like, and I’ll go let Asmodeus know you’re here.”

With that, Mirage shuffled out of the room in a hurry.

Before us sat a large refectory table that stretched nearly the entire length of the room, with at least twenty chairs on each side. The tabletop was made of a dark red mahogany with gorgeous rubies embedded all around its outer perimeter, and the gemstones shimmered in the bright lights from the chandeliers above.

The hanging light fixtures were designed in a “branch” style, out of some sort of shiny black material. At the end of each branch sat a large, red wax candle that somehow irradiated light as bright as a regular lightbulb.

As for the chairs, they looked like something ripped straight from one of those interior design shows Liby always made me watch back on Earth. They were armless and made up of a bright red fabric, with several indentations topped with a small red button. I’d seen them referred to before as a “chesterfield” chair on Liby’s shows, and they were usually seen in spaces that wanted to look as modern and elegant as they possibly could.

This was no exception.

The dining room itself was fairly subtle compared to the rest of the cathedral. Sure, there was still a massive stained-glass portrait of a naked woman behind the head table and sure, the walls were still made up of the same reddish stone as the rest of the building, but other than that, it was just a nice room with a fancy table.

Todd, the succubi, and I wandered over to the table and tried to find our seats.

I pulled out the chair immediately to the right of the head of the table, but Sia shook her head profusely.

“Not that one,” she warned. “That’s reserved for Asmodeus’ right hand man. Or succubus, in this case.”

I scooted down two more seats, pulled out the upholstered chair, and tried to get comfortable in its embrace.

“Not there, Todd,” Sia explained to the imp. “That’s where Asmodeus’ feeder needs to sit.”

“Wait, this pansy-ass jabroni has a person who feeds him?” Todd frowned and crossed his arms.

“Feeds him … dabs his face with a napkin … tastes his food for poison … ” the redhead continued. “You know, typical King stuff.”

“I hate to break it to ya, Jakey,” the imp mused as he stood up on the table and walked toward another chair, “but I’m not gonna be your feeder, and I’m definitely not gonna dab your face with a cloth. Fuck, I didn’t even do that with my ex-girlfriends.”

“Please stop talking,” Cupi gagged as she sat down. “Please, please don’t talk about your sexual encounters once dinner starts.”

“Actually, that might not be a bad idea,” Superbia admitted. “As you can all see, Asmodeus is quite the nymphomaniac. Perhaps being overtly sexual would be a plus in his eyes.”

“I dunno,” the blonde succubus shot back. “I just want to get through this diplomatic meeting without vomiting all over the table, that’s all.”

Just as we were all getting situated in our not-so-comfortable seats, the room was filled with the smooth tunes of a bass guitar.

“All rise for the arrival of Asmodeus, King of the First Circle and Master of Love,” Ronaldo’s voice rang out from the doorway on the other side of the room.

The five of us stood up, and then we watched as Asmodeus sauntered into the room with his purple cape and bedazzled cane.

The King of the First Circle held his head high as he walked, and he had a look on his face about as punchable as a frat boy at a yacht club. He strutted over to the chair at the end of the table as Ronaldo and Mirage pulled it out, and then he nonchalantly shoved his cane into Ronaldo’s hands. Asmodeus reached up and literally brushed the cape off his shoulders, and then he sat down at the head of the table.

Ronaldo sat down at the left of the demon, and Mirage sat at his right.

Finally, Asmodeus lifted up his hand, made a fist, and the funky bass beats stopped.

“Good evening, friends and allies,” the Demon King announced. “I hope you had plenty of time to enjoy my facilities. You’re most certainly not going to find anything similar in the rest of the Circles. My cathedral is a pure pleasure town in Hell!”

Sia bowed her head. “We are very grateful for your generosity, Asmodeus,” she noted, “and we truly did appreciate the use of your facilities.”

“You were in the purple room, no?” the demon asked slyly. “Please tell me you made the most of those delicious toys in there?”

“We did, Asmodeus,” Ira spoke up from across the table. “It was as wonderful as our wildest dreams. You’re going to need a full-on cleaning crew in that place if you ever want to get it back to normal.”

Asmodeus sat back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head.

“That’s what I like to hear!” he exclaimed, and then he leaned forward and glanced in my direction. “What about you, Mr. Ralston? Is that what you want me to call you? Or would you prefer ‘King Ralston’ or ‘His Royal Majesty, Jacob Ralston?”

“‘Jacob’ is fine,” I reassured the demon. “But if we want to be formal, I guess ‘King Ralston’ would be alright. And, uh, yes. Your facilities went far and beyond my wildest expectations.”

Asmodeus clapped his hands together. “Marvelous!” he cackled. “Now that there’s a part of you in me, let’s get a part of me in you!”

“Beg pardon?” I asked somewhat nervously.

Meanwhile, Todd’s face contorted as he did everything in his power to keep from laughing.

“The food, King Ralston,” Asmodeus explained. “The greatest chefs in the First Circle are at my disposal, and they’ve whipped up something that’s going to make all of you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. I prefer foods that are creamy, salty, and high in protein. And when they hit the back of your throat, you are just going to have to gulp it all down with delight!”

Todd’s lip was now quivering, and his eyes were watering from his restraint.

The lanky demon held up his finger and whistled.

Immediately, a small army of Shades, completely clad in old-school chef clothing, dashed into the room carrying silver platters and silverware wrapped in red napkins. They sat the utensils and plates down in front of us, lifted up the cover, and then scurried out without saying a single word.

On the silver plate sat a large, juicy steak that looked like it had just been seared on the grill. It was perfectly brown on the outside with a handful of checkered markings, and it appeared to be marinating in its own juices as it sat on the platter. The meat was marbled with bits of white fat, and my mouth started to drool the second I saw the dish in all its glory.

Beside the steak sat a pile of candied carrot slices and a large baked potato smothered in silky sour cream, chives, and bacon bits. As if that weren’t enough, the delicious side dish had what looked to be an entire layer of melted cheddar cheese and butter smeared all over the top.

“You should feel honored, King Ralston.” Asmodeus smiled. “Actual bovine steak is something that isn’t allowed in Hell, even in the First Circle. Mostly because, even at its worst, it’s still better than almost any other food out there. Luckily for you five, I know a guy. A guy who you know too, King Ralston.”

I racked my brain as I bit into the first bit of carrots and felt my mouth fill with tangy pleasure. Then it hit me. There was somebody we knew from the First Circle, somebody who dealt exclusively with contraband.

“Black Bart,” I said with a laugh.

“Precisely,” Asmodeus confirmed, and then Ronaldo placed the first bit of steak into his mouth.

I quickly cut a small hunk of meat off my entree and popped it into my mouth. My eyes rolled back in my head as I chomped down the tender flesh of the steak and a wave of juicy, succulent flavor hit me like a ton of bricks.

“So, you’re friends with that old pirate?” I asked after I had scarfed down the first few bits.

Ronaldo dabbed Asmodeus’ lips, and then the Demon King responded.

“Black Bart and I go way back,” he explained. “All the way back to when he first arrived in the First Circle, actually. I cut him a deal … I’d help him steal one of Charon’s ships and look the other way to his pirating endeavors. In return, he’d smuggle me contraband Lucifer doesn’t allow in his domain.”

“Is that why we’re here?” I tried to get straight to the point. “You want to make a deal?”

Ronaldo shoveled another bite of steak into the King’s mouth, and then he dabbled up the juice that dripped down his chin.

“More or less,” Asmodeus admitted. “I was impressed when I heard you outsmarted Black Bart, King Ralston. You can only imagine my thoughts when I heard you’d killed Azazel and taken his throne.”

“That’s what I want to know,” I said as I subtly tightened my grip on my knife. “What were you thinking about the sudden change in leadership?”

“I thought it was a much needed change,” the King of the First Circle sighed. “Azazel was a masterful general, but he was far from a bundle of sunshine to be around. I don’t think any of the other Demon Kings will shed a tear now that he’s gone.”

“Speaking of the other Demon Kings,” I segued, “as Charon probably told you, I’ve got a bit of an issue on my hands.”

“Indeed you do.” Asmodeus nodded grimly. “Beelzebub is just as dangerous as Azazel was, if not more so. At least with the Father of Warfare, he’d tell you upfront if he hated your guts and wanted to see them spilled on the ground. The Lord of the Flies, though? He’ll wear a ten-mile smile on his face while he penetrates your body with eight hard inches of steel.”

“Oh come on!” Todd muttered under his breath, but he didn’t crack.

“So, what do you suggest we do about this problem?” I continued. “You sent me that candygram--”

“Which was lovely, by the way,” Sia interjected.

“Thank you , Superbia,” Asmodeus chuckled. “It took all of Ronaldo’s creative juices to get that one put together.”

“Just doing my job, sir,” Ronaldo retorted. “I--”

“Did I say you could talk?” Asmodeus hissed. “Less talky-talky and more feedy-feedy.”

“Yes, sire,” the man with the long-top hair sighed, and then he put a spoonful of potatoes in the demon’s mouth.

“Anyway,” I tried to get us back on track, “I’m assuming your message means you want to form an alliance of some sort?”

“Right to the chase.” The demon grinned. “I love it. Yes, I would like to throw my full support behind you, King Ralston. With the hopes that you would return the favor, of course.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” I offered. “If you’re our ally and somebody attacks you, of course you can count on us to be there.”

“I was thinking maybe a bit more than that … ” the Demon King continued. “I know you are powerful, Jacob Ralston. Frankly, the only reason I’m cutting you this deal is because I’m afraid of you.”

“Afraid of him?” Mirage nearly choked on her steak.

“Damn straight,” Cupiditas added as she stared down the brunette succubus.

“I’m ashamed to admit it, but it’s true,” Asmodeus said nonchalantly. “If you brought down Azazel, then you could easily take down me. I’m not exactly the greatest of fighters, but what I lack in hand-to-hand prowess I more than make up for in charisma. And cock size. Not to brag but … the girth of my arm.”

“Wouldn’t that crack a babe in half?” Todd finally broke his silence. “It’d be like forcing a chicken onto a watermelon. Sure, it’ll probably work, but that thing loses its whole structural integrity in the process.”

“Don’t worry about the logistics of it, imp,” Asmodeus shot back. “I’m trying to make a deal with your King.”

“Alright, fine,” I said with a nod. “So, you’re willing to lend me your army and support as long as I agree not to turn on you, right?”

“Correct.” The Demon King smiled. “Buuuuuttt, there was something else I wanted to get out of this deal.”

I frowned. “Go on, then.”

“I want access to your undercover contacts,” he stated. “I know you’ve swayed many powerful demons, angels, and Shades over to your side, and I want to take a bite of that sweet, sweet pie.”

Todd looked back and forth between me and Asmodeus with a look of absolute awe plastered to his face. He wanted so bad to make a joke, and I guessed steam was going to come out of his ears at any second.

“How on Earth does that benefit me?” I answered tensely. “These people could both easily lose their heads if their identity is revealed. Especially if they start going around helping out any old Demon King.”

“It benefits you because you need my army,” Asmodeus mused as he sat back and picked at his teeth. “I may be afraid of you, King Ralston, but I fear Beelzebub much more. I could just sit back and let his army decimate the Fourth Circle, and then the problem would be taken care of without me even having to lift a finger.”

I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth. This asshole wasn’t going to fuck us over.

“Or maybe I could just kill you,” I growled. “Take away your army and your whole kingdom before Beelzebub is even close enough to be a threat.”

The air in the dining hall was tense, and I could see both Ronaldo and Mirage were preparing for things to go south.

Thankfully, my friends had other plans.

“Look, Asmodeus,” Ira spoke up. “Politically speaking, that deal is very lopsided. Jacob gets your support, and he basically hands over his best assets, some very powerful people, I might add, making himself completely vulnerable and betraying their trust?”

“What do you suggest then, succubus?” Asmodeus hissed. “I would be taking a huge risk too, ya know. By hitching my wagon to Jacob Ralston, the mortal who killed one of Lucifer’s most respected generals, I would essentially be committing an act of open rebellion against my fellow Demon Kings.”

“Jacob is your fellow Demon King,” Sia interjected. “And soon, if Beelzebub is defeated, he will be the king of multiple circles. Do you want to be on his side, or do you want to be another footnote of his conquests?”

“It’s true,” Cupi spoke up. “I’ve been with Jacob for nearly three years now. Do you know all the crazy shit he’s done in those three years? He defeated Azazel not once, not twice, but three times. He wiped out the Seventy-Two Servants. He killed Vermis the Devil Worm and Leviathan. Everywhere he goes, he inspires the people to follow him. He will rule over this domain someday, and you can either be with us, or against us. And I really, really don’t suggest the latter.”

“Jakey’ll fuck you up,” Todd added. “Straight up Cobra Kai your ass, bro.”

Asmodeus sat back in his chair and rapped at his chin as he pondered the succubi’s words. He finally let out a sigh, leaned forward, and put his elbows on the table.

“If you’re not willing to give up your contacts,” the Demon King started, “then I at least want access to Charon. I already know he’s on your side, and he would be a great asset for my … extracurricular endeavors.”

“Your cult,” I counter-offered. “What about your cult on Earth? I want to be sure I have full access to them, should we ever make it back there.”

“My cult?” Asmodeus mused. “Done. You can have them. Full control.”

“Then I think we have a deal, Asmodeus,” I stated as I stood up and extended my hand. “I have the full support of you and your army against Beelzebub, as well as full control of your cult back on Earth.”

“And in return, I have access to the Great Ferryman of Hell, and I have a future conqueror in my corner.” The demon nodded as he stood up and shook my hand excitedly.

“Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves,” I chuckled. “We still have a long ways to go before that shit could happen. There’s still a lot of enemies out there I have to get through first.”

“Speaking of enemies,” Cupi interjected, “we should talk about our potential foes. Obviously, we know Beelzebub is against us, and Baphomet and Abbadon are more than likely going to be a nuisance.”

“I’d also imagine Belphegor, the King of the Third Circle, isn’t going to be too happy you killed his pet worm,” Ira sighed. “That means he’s probably off the table for now. Who does that leave?”

“Mammon, King of the Second Circle,” Sia pondered aloud, “and Gressil, King of the Sixth Circle.”

“What about the Ninth?” I asked. “Who’s in charge of that one?”

The entire room fell eerily silent as I felt everyone staring at me.

“Uh, Jakey … ” Todd finally spoke. “I thought you read The Inferno?”

“Not all the way through,” I admitted with a shrug. “Why? Who’s in charge of the Ninth Circle?”

“Lucifer,” Sia stated grimly. “Lucifer himself is in charge of the final Circle of Hell.”

“Well fuck,” I gasped. “I guess we probably should steer clear of that one for now, huh?”

“I will speak to those two Demon Kings,” Asmodeus said as he tried to bring us back on topic. “Gressil is easily persuaded, and I’ve found Mammon will do just about anything if the price is right. And I mean anything.”

“Not gonna do it,” Todd sighed and threw up his hands in defeat. “Not gonna touch that with a ten-foot pole.”

“Excellent.” I smiled at the King of the First Circle as I sat down and continued with my meal. “Once we’re done here, my friends and I will head back to our Circle and start to prepare for the Lord of the Flies.”

The tension had completely dissipated from the air, and my friends and I dined happily with our newfound allies. We finished up our meal, said our goodbyes to Asmodeus, Ronaldo, and Mirage, and then headed off back toward our home.

Things were just starting to ramp up in this war, and we needed to go and perfect our skills.

Chapter 9

“Alright, Shades!” Cupiditas called out from the raised platform in the colosseum. “Today we’re going to practice parrying and sneak attacks. You’ve all figured out how to use brute strength to win a sword fight, but now I’m going to teach you how to gain the upper hand on someone when you’re evenly matched.”

The Sister of Greed was on a large, stage-like structure at the far end of the building, and my small army of Shades and my friends filled out the sandy combat area in front of her.

These colosseums used to be the place where Azazel would hold his deadly “jousts,” or medieval-style combat tournaments where Shades and the occasional demon would rip each other apart for his sheer entertainment. Since I took over the Fourth Circle, these massive Romanesque structures had been repurposed into a sort of multi-use stadium. Each one acted as the primary training facility for my army, but when we weren’t in military mode, it was used as a concert venue, talent show, and, most importantly, the Royal Rumble.

Unfortunately, much like the issue of eternal punishment, the “deed” to the Fourth Circle stipulated there must always be jousts. However, Superbia had helpfully pointed out the wording was nebulous enough to be interpreted as “any sort of physical confrontation between Shades.”

That’s where the Toddster jumped in and suggested we create monthly pro-wrestling matches in the style of the Royal Rumble. He usually acted as the “heel” character while Tris used her laid-back yet intense voice to be the announcer. The Shades who resided here loved it, Todd loved it, and I was kinda starting to come around to it.

It was a win for everybody.

But for now, we were training. Every member of my Shade army stood clad in literal makeshift armor created out of any scraps of metal or malleable brimstone they could find. They all held a sword in their hand and a belt that held their secondary weapons of choice. Some of them had daggers, others battle axes, and some even had pistols or revolvers.

“Now, our King has graciously offered to help me demonstrate these techniques,” Cupi said with a little too much glee in her voice. “Come on out, Jacob.”

I stepped up onto the stage and was met with the roaring cheers of my army. I couldn’t help but grin as I waved to the crowd and took in their admiration. Then I walked over to Cupiditas, drew the Unhallowed Sword from my belt, and took on a defensive stance.

“Our King is very eager to get started,” Cupi chuckled, and the crowd followed suit. “Now, look at his stance here. Good stance … proper form … allows for a wide range of motion. Now, observe.”

Cupi spun around, drew her sword, and brought it down toward my head.

Instinctively, I threw up my own blade and knocked it away with a clash of metal on metal. I followed up with my own jab, but the succubus was able to sidestep and knock it away with her weapon.

She quickly retaliated with a swipe at my feet, but I leapt over the blade, threw down a purple platform under my feet, and then swung at the succubus. Cupi ducked down, propelled herself off the ground with her legs, and then used her momentum to knock me back off the platform.

I tumbled to the ground, but I was back on my feet in no time. I knocked away another one of Cupi’s blows as the crowd cheered, and then swiftly took a shot at her armored torso.

My blade met hers, and we stared each other down as we locked swords. The next thing I knew, Cupi’s right arm twitched, and then the blade of her dagger came careening toward my face.

I threw up a miniature shield of purple Hellfire, and the impact sent the dagger flying out of her hand and into the sand, where it stuck with a wet “shluck.”

The succubus began to reach out for the dagger, but I quickly threw up a portal of green Hellfire, and her hand passed through harmlessly. It reappeared behind her head, and then Cupi accidentally punched herself in the back of the head. The blonde tumbled forward and crashed into the floor of the stage with a thud. Just as she began to stand to her feet, I threw out my dagger and held it at her neck.

“Did I pass?” I asked jokingly.

Cupi smiled as she appraised the situation, and then she slowly pulled herself back up to her feet.

“Now,” she turned back to the army and projected her voice, “not all of you have Hellfire magic like Jacob here does, but your opponents most likely will. I want all of you to practice this technique until you’ve mastered it. The element of surprise can sometimes be the difference between victory and defeat.”

Cupi began to make her way off the stage, and I followed her with haste as I sheathed my dagger.

Todd and Sia were the first fighters we encountered.

The imp had transformed into his “human form,” a carbon copy of the way he looked before he made his wish to become an imp. Todd’s unkempt blond locks were tied back into a ponytail, and his goatee looked like it was so long it could be a liability in battle.

“Is it weird I’m more jarred by your human form now than I am when you’re an imp?” I chuckled as we walked up to the two combatants.

“Nah, bro,” Todd snorted. “When you’ve been exposed to that chiseled temple of an imp bod I’ve got, it’s hard to go back to the flab and drab of being a mortal. I already miss it. I’m just being all retro-Todd right now so Strawberry Shortcake here doesn’t have a size advantage.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t make a vulgar joke.” Superbia smiled and took her stance.

Todd responded with a stance of his own, and then he tightened his grip on his sword. “Why would I need to?” he said through gritted teeth. “Size has never been an issue for the Toddster.”

Todd lunged at Sia comically and missed by a mile. As his sword smashed harmlessly into the sandy ground, the redheaded succubus drew the dagger from her belt and held it at the back of his neck.

“I … won!” Superbia gasped with an uncharacteristic show of emotion. “Cupiditas, I defeated someone in hand-to-hand combat!”

Cupi put her hand on Sia’s shoulder. “Good for you, Sister,” she mused, “but remember, Todd is just as inexperienced in this as you are. It’s going to take a lot more practice before you’re a master of swordplay. No offense, Todd.”

“None taken,” the blond imp huffed as he brought his sword back to his side. “I’ve gotten so out of shape these last few months, I had to use all of that viagra yesterday to get through my marathon beat-off session. I used to be able to do that all on my own, bro, but now my heart’s full of marshmallow fluff and mozzarella cheese.”

“You’ll get back to your old self in no time,” I promised the imp, and then Cupi and I walked over to Tris and Gula.

The short, curvy redhead had her dagger blade pointed at Tris’ eyeball, but the Sister of Sloth didn’t seem to care.

Instead, Tris just yawned, stretched, and looked down at her nonexistent watch.

“Yo, Jacob,” she said when she saw me. “Are we done here yet? I’m totally missing my shows right now.”

“You’re not even trying!” Gula huffed and lowered her weapon. “Can’t you at least try and fight back?”

“Why do I need to?” Tris said with a shrug, and then she unholstered one of her pistols from her belt. “These little guys are all the firepower I’ll ever need. And if they don’t work? I’ll just use my necromancy powers to bring back a bunch of dead guys and make them fight for me. See? There’s absolutely no reason why I would need to--”

Before she could finish her sentence, Gula took a lunge at Tris with her axe. The tall brunette let out a gasp of surprise as she brought up the sword in her hand, blocked Gula’s blow, and then spun around as gracefully as a ballerina. A millisecond later, she had her pistol raised, cocked, and pointed directly at her Sister’s head.

“Chillax,” she laughed at our wide-eyed expressions. “It’s not loaded. But see? I totally don’t need to know how to use a knife. Cheech and Chong do the job just fine.”

“But you did the exercise,” Gula announced proudly as she wiggled her body in victory. “I knew I could get you to do the work!”

“Uhhhhhgggg,” Tris sighed. “Cupi, please tell me this is the only exercise we’re doing today.”

“Not in the slightest.” The blonde grinned.

Tristitia lowered her gun, slumped her shoulders, threw her head back, and let out a loud groan.

“Just for the record, I’m not gonna let your last comment slide,” I explained to the Sister of Sloth. “You named your pistols Cheech and Chong?”

“It was Todd’s idea,” Tris said with a shrug. “Butttt, I totally wasn’t going to disagree. From what I’ve seen and from what Todd’s told me, those guys are both legends, and what better names to go with my two babies?”

“Oh, I agree they fit,” I laughed. “But I definitely wasn’t going to let you out of that one without an explanation. Carry on, soldiers!”

I turned to walk away, but Gula’s angelic voice spoke up.

“I’ll be sure to make her do the exercises, you guys,” the redhead promised.

“No you won’t!” Tris hissed back.

Cupiditas just shook her head and smirked as we walked over to our next pairing, Invidia and Ira.

When we arrived over at the spot where the two succubi were sparring, Ira was on her back with Invidia standing over her victoriously.

However, the Sister of Envy had a complete look of boredom on her face as she stared off into the distance and yawned.

“You know, I’d normally be into this,” Ira pointed out, “but not today. Today, I fucking hate losing.”

Ira let out a grunt as she reached up and grabbed Vidia’s leg, but the gothic succubus just pressed a stiletto heel down harder and forced her back to the ground. The Sister of Wrath let out a soft whimper of pleasure before she began to grumble again.

“Isn’t there anyyything better you could be having us do, Cupi?” Invidia sighed. “This is boring.”

“That’s just because you’re already an expert in dagger combat!” the succubus on the ground growled. “Those of us less fortunate still have much more practice.”

“Keep up the good work,” I mused playfully as we moved on, and I was met by a hearty, sarcastic laugh from Ira.

“Whatever,” Vidia mumbled.

The last pairing we had made was Libidine and Daniel, one of the top commanders in the Shade army. They were fairly equal combatants, and my eyes darted back and forth as I watched the two of them dance gracefully back and forth as they parried and countered and disarmed each other.

Libidine caught Daniel’s wrist in her hand just before his dagger could make contact, and then she quickly threw out her foot and kicked him in the shin. The Shade went down on one knee, and then Liby swiftly flipped around, twisted his arm behind his body, and pointed the dagger in his hand at his back.

“I win,” she scoffed.

“According to the placement of the blade, you wouldn’t have hit any vital organs,” the Shade mused. “Soooo … ”

Daniel quickly crouched down, pushed himself up into the air, and flipped over his arm. There was a sickly crack of his bones as he did so, but then he landed behind the succubus, spun his body around, and halted his momentum with his dagger blade right at Liby’s chest.

“I think I win,” he proclaimed.

Libidine frowned, pushed the blade out of the way, and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Not fair,” she pouted, “breaking your own arm doesn’t count.”

“All’s fair in war,” the blond man argued. “You have to be prepared for anything, and I mean anything.”

“Daniel, what were you in your previous life?” I asked. “I’m a little embarrassed I’ve never asked.”

“It’s alright, contrary to what Liby here thinks, it’s just dislocated,” he chuckled as he grabbed at his limp arm with his free hand. “Easy fix. Observe.”

The Shade gripped the wounded appendage and twisted it violently. Then he let out a grunt of pain as a wet popping sound filled the air and his arm was snapped back into place.

“Uh … do you want me to get Superbia?” I questioned, but Daniel just waved his hand and shook his head.

“I’m good,” he promised. “After all the horrible shit Azazel did to me, a broken arm is like a scratch. To answer your question though, I was a member of the armed forces. As far as why I’m down here? Well … let’s just say I let greed get the better of me.”

“Did you steal money from your superiors?” Cupi asked curiously.

“I wish,” Daniel laughed and nursed his broken arm. “After my deployment was over, I decided I couldn’t let all my training go to waste. So, I joined up with a mercenary group and traveled the world, doing odd jobs for a fuckton of money. I was always kinda agnostic, but with the shit we did, even I knew I wasn’t gonna end up in Heaven.”

“That explains your rebellious spirit,” Cupi observed. “And your skill with the various weapons I’ve seen you use.”

“That explains why he keeps getting the upper hand!” Libidine exclaimed. “He’s got way more military experience than I have.”

“Sister,” Cupiditas sighed as she put her hand over her face. “You were a part of the Army of the Damned for hundreds of thousands of years…”

“Actually, you know what?” I spoke up. “I want to switch training partners. Cupi, you take Libidine, and Daniel and I will spar for a little bit.”

“But Jacob,” the blonde succubus protested, “I had a special session planned for you now that you’ve made your connection with every member of our group. Your powers should be increasing, and I wanted to know by how much.”

“We can get to that,” I promised the Sister of Greed. “We’ve still got a long ways to go before this army is battle-ready, so I forsee many more training sessions.”

“As you wish,” Cupiditas finally conceded. “Come on, Liby. I’ll kick your ass just like I did back in our first confrontation.”

“I had you on the ropes, and you know it!” the dark-haired succubus shot back as they headed over toward an empty section of the colosseum.

“Alright, Daniel,” I mused as I placed my hand on the hilt of the Unhallowed Sword. “Let’s see what you got. Don’t pull any punches.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I can’t die down here, but you certainly can.”

“Like I said,” I reiterated, “don’t pull your punches. I want to see your abilities at full capacity.”

“Fine.” The blond man grinned. “Don’t be afraid to use your magic, either. If we’re truly fighting Beelzebub’s demons, they’ll surely have some sort of spellcasting abilities.”

I drew the sword from its sheath, twirled it around once for good measure, and then took an offensive stance.

The Shade placed his dagger back onto his belt and then raised his sword into the air. Daniel’s stance was one I wasn’t familiar with, but I could tell by the way he left his body open that it was more on the offensive side.

I made the first move as I lunged forward and swung sideways. The Unhallowed Sword smashed against Daniel’s blade, and the impact caused the Shade to stumble to the side. Before he could make another move, I spun around and sliced at his torso from the opposite direction.

Daniel leapt up into the air and timed his movement so he came down right as my blade was underneath his body. His feet knocked the Unhallowed Sword into the sand, and he instantly retaliated with a jab of his own weapon.

I threw up a quick shield of purple to deflect the potential skewer just before it would have hit its mark, and then I retaliated with a low-powered blast of red Hellfire.

Daniel fell back onto his ass before he stood up, shook it off, and readied his sword again.

“Are you sure you want me to use my magic?” I chuckled as I picked up the Unhallowed Sword. “I can make this totally more fair for you if I don’t.”

The blond man shook his head. “Not a chance,” he mused. “I’ve suffered much worse in the years I’ve been down here. On guard!”

Daniel lurched at me as he raised his sword above his head and brought it down in a downward motion.

I let out a grunt as I heaved the Unhallowed Sword up and knocked the blade away with a flash of sparks and the cold hum of metal on metal. I retaliated with a diagonal slash to the Shade’s chest, but he was fast enough on his feet to jump back out of the way of the attack. The point of the Unhallowed Sword swished by his stomach harmlessly, and then he went back to work.

Daniel brought his blade in an upward motion, and it smashed against my armor with a high-pitched screech.

The force of the impact caused my entire breastplate to shake, and I could feel my organs rattling back and forth in my body.

Daniel may have been little more than a regular Shade, but he packed quite the punch.

I swung my sword again, intent to strike the Shade in his side, but he was quick on the draw.

He knocked away my strike and then took a hefty swing at my face with his fist.

I threw up another shield of purple, and Daniel’s face contorted into a grimace of pain as his bare flesh smashed into the barrier.

There was a wet popping sound, and the Shade let out a wail of pain as he stepped back and gripped his hand. Daniel’s left hand now hung limp at his wrist, and he was doing his best to not let his emotions show on his face. Finally, the pain must have overwhelmed him because Daniel fell down to one knee and let out a long, frustrated growl of agony as he gripped his hand.

I ran over to the Shade and put my hand on his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” I asked in horror. “This is why I warned you against--”

The next thing I knew, the wailing stopped, and Daniel’s dagger was pointed directly at my Adam’s apple.

“Rule number one of war,” he said with a slight grin. “Never expect your opponent to fight fairly.”

“Oh, come on,” I sighed. “We’re sparring partners and friends. This is totally different than if we were actually in the battlefield.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Daniel mused. “This is Hell, my King. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is trustworthy. I hear you’ve allied us with Asmodeus, correct?”

“Correct,” I grumbled and glanced down at the knife as I hoped he got the hint.

“Oh, right,” he laughed and pulled the blade away from my neck. “I don’t trust Asmodeus as far as I can throw him. He’ll kill you and steal your kingdom the second he thinks he has a chance, no matter how much he claims otherwise.”

“I’m not a total idiot, Daniel,” I growled as I felt anger flush to my face. “I know not to trust other demons, and I’ve been burned by allies before.”

“You walked right into that one, though,” he prodded.

“That’s different!” I was now nearly seething. “I know I can trust you, and we were in the middle of a friendly spar, not locked in an epic battle to the death.”

“I still gained the upper hand on you, my King.” The blond Shade shrugged.

I felt my blood began to boil. What the fuck was this guy’s problem? Despite our agreement to use magic, I was still holding back as much as I possibly could. If I had really wanted to, I could have evaporated him into nothing with a simple blast of red Hellfire. Or crushed his bones with a cube of purple Hellfire. Or decapitated him with a well-timed green portal.

I wasn’t trying to hurt my general, but now I was starting to think maybe I should.

Then I felt it.

My hand around the Unhallowed Sword started to tingle as if it were on pins and needles, and when I looked down I saw it was engulfed with Hellfire. But it wasn’t my usual red or purple or bronze flames.

It was silver Hellfire.

My eyes widened in shock as I took in the dancing, almost metallic fire on my hands.

“Cupi thought that would work.” Daniel smirked as his entire demeanor changed. “I’m really sorry I had to be a total douche, my King, but we thought that would be the only way to convince your powers to reveal themselves.”

“Damn straight,” the blonde succubus’ voice arose from behind me. “Thank you, Daniel.”

The Shade made a slight bow. “It was my pleasure, general,” he mused. “Anything to help our King.”

“You can just call me ‘Cupi’ or ‘Cupiditas’,” she reminded the blond man. “Much like Jacob here, I’ve never been one for titles.”

“Okay, so I have silver Hellfire,” I muttered as I sheathed my sword and studied my glowing hand. “Does that mean I can suck people’s souls out like Invidia?”

“Long answer,” Cupi began, “the silver brand of Hellfire comes from pure willpower. But, much like the black Hellfire of fear, it adapts to the personality of the spellcaster. If you remember our old pimp, Earl, had silver Hellfire that allowed him to disintegrate projectiles. He was a slimy rat-bastard, so of course his silver spell would be one that made him have to fight less. Vidia’s sucks the souls out of her opponents because, well … ”

“Black parade,” I nodded. “No further explanation needed.”

“Exactly,” the succubus giggled. “There’s only one way we can find out how your own silver flame works, and that’s by testing it out.”

“I’ll help you, Jacob,” Daniel said as he placed his fist over his chest. “It’d be much better for you to try it on a living, breathing target, since that will give you a much better feel of its effects. It might hurt like Hell, but nothing I can’t handle.”

“Normally, I’d ask if you were sure and if you really thought this was a good idea,” I grinned and raised my glowing hand toward Daniel, “but after that little display of cockiness earlier, I think I’m just gonna shoot first and ask questions later.”

“Do your worst,” the Shade chuckled, and then he sheathed his blade, stepped back, and opened his arms so his chest was fully exposed. “Fire at will, my King.”

I took a deep breath as I tried to channel all the anger and bitterness I could muster. I thought about how I was annoyed we were stuck down here, not because I wanted to go back to my old life, but because we were cut off from all of the rest of our friends and family, and my fucking empire. It was almost as if Azazel was extending his middle finger at me from the grave, and it pissed me off.

The tingling sensation grew more intense as the silver flames danced down my arm.

“What’s going on here?” Todd asked curiously.

I looked back to see he and the other six succubi were now standing around watching me curiously. The rest of the Shade army had halted their training as well, and they were now staring in awe at their King’s newfound power.

“Jacob’s learned his silver flame spell!” Sia gasped. “You must have done quite a number on him, Invidia, considering his body gravitated toward your power.”

“What we did was our little secret,” the gothic succubus said nonchalantly.

“Did Elvira just make a joke?” Todd asked in shock. “Somebody stop the presses!”

“Don’t make me suck out your soul, Todd,” Vidia sneered. “I could use a few hours of silence.”

“Why, so you can sit around and mope about how ya couldn’t find the right size gauges at Hot Topic?” the imp snickered back.

“Quiet, children,” Gula hissed. “I want to see what’s happening with Jacob.”

I closed my eyes and tried to make my spell grow stronger. Soon, my entire body felt like it was being walked on by a thousand tiny ants, and the gentle tickle of the Hellfire spread until it covered me completely. I opened my eyes, clenched my fist, and then unleashed my full power at Daniel.

The Shade braced himself as the metallic Hellfire struck him directly in the chest and lit up with the intensity of a spotlight.

However, nothing seemed to happen.

At least, nothing happened immediately.

I held the blast for a second as I tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. Daniel’s body was completely covered by the silver glow, but he was still just standing there like normal.

Then, without warning, his pants fell down.

The Shade’s face turned red as I de-cast my spell, and he reached down to yank the garment back over his boxers with haste.

“What the fuck was that, bro?” Todd guffawed. “Actuallyyyy, on second thought, that makes total sense. Jakey’s a horndog, right? And silver Hellfire is based on your personality, right? So, maybe I’m just spitballin’ here, but I think Jakey’s need for the bean has spilled over into his spellcasting!”

“That’s ridiculous,” Superbia scoffed. “Hellfire magic is always beneficial for the caster in combat.”

“Also, ‘need for the bean?’” Libidine asked hesitantly.

“Oh dear.” Todd facepalmed and then looked at Sia. “I thought it was your job to teach these guys sex ed, Strawberry Shortcake? Here, let me put it as eloquently as I can.”

The imp held up his finger, made a curving shape, and then placed it down at his crotch.

“Please don’t,” I ordered. “I really don’t want that mental image in my head, and I’m sure the rest of the team doesn’t either.”

“Suit yourself, bro,” the imp sighed and put his hands on his hips. “I was just trying to give Lib here a little lesson of love.”

“I’m sure she appreciates it,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“Hold on … where the hell is my sword and dagger?” Daniel demanded. “And my belt buckle? And the fucking button of my pants?”

I turned back to the Shade and saw he was still fumbling around, trying to get his waistband fastened.

What the fuck? Maybe Todd was right, and my new superpower was to literally blast the pants off people.

“Dude, look!” Tris exclaimed and pointed at the sand at Daniel’s feet.

There, in the gritty ground, were two miniature puddles of silver liquid. Directly to the right, in front of Daniel, was an even smaller puddle of gold. Though the substance appeared to be liquid, it wasn’t absorbing into the sand whatsoever. Instead, it rested up on the surface of the ground as if it were a rising oasis in a barren desert.

“Is that … ” the Shade gasped.

“Your weapons and belt buckle,” Ira finished. “Jacob must have melted them with his spell.”

“So, I can liquify metal?” I mused. “Totally not what I was expecting, but still pretty cool.”

“That would fit with your current power set,” Cupi pondered aloud. “You have a very protective personality, which is why the purple and green Hellfire seems to be your go-to. Destroying an enemy’s weapon before they can attack makes perfect sense for your new spell.”

“Is that all it can do?” Liby spoke up.

“Let’s find out.” I nodded and aimed at the puddles of metallic liquid on the ground.

I forced the feelings of bitterness and anger back up into my gut, and then I shot out a small beam of silver Hellfire at the puddles.

The second the spell hit the liquid, it jumped to life as it raised up into the air. Flecks of melted metal spittled from the fluid substance as it formed into an airborne geyser.

I summoned the silvery spell into my left hand, raised it up, and then pulled it back into my body while I left my right hand still open.

The metallic substance reacted as if my palm was a magnet, and it shot across the landscape like it’d been shot from a cannon. Within seconds, there was a basketball-sized orb of metal floating in front of my open hand.

“You don’t just melt metal,” Cupi gasped. “You can manipulate it, too!”

“Holy T-1000!” Todd exclaimed. “See if you can manipulate it into a giant-ass blade like Robert Patrick could!”

Normally, I would have scoffed at the imp’s pop-culture laden request, but it was as good of a place to start as any. I pictured the over-the-top sword from the movie and tried to order my magic to make it happen. Surely enough, the orb of metal slowly began to stretch to a point, and before me floated a massive blade nearly as long as my body.

“Oh, oh!” the imp cackled. “Now see if you can do a robot exoskeleton!”

“I don’t think he has enough metal for that one, Todd,” Cupi sighed. “But I like your gusto. Try something a bit more complicated, like--”

“Like some nipple clamps?” Ira purred. “I left all of my good ones up on Earth.”

“Uh … okay … ” I agreed hesitantly. “What kind--”

“They were the Pleasuremax Three-Thousand,” the Sister of Wrath continued. “The kind where they look like miniature spring clamps, but with a screw that adjusts the intensity. If you could make that for me, I’d be so happy. Pleeeeaassse?”

I closed my eyes and tried to think about what Ira had described while at the same time not focus too deeply on how they were used. The power coursed through my veins, and I could hear the liquid shifting around before me. Finally, I opened up my eyelids and saw I had successfully transformed Daniel’s sword into six small clamp-like devices.

Ira shrieked with glee and then ran over and plucked them out of the air.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” she giggled, and then she walked over and planted a kiss on my cheek. “I’m gonna take a breather for awhile and test these bad boys out.”

The Sister of Wrath turned around and nearly sprinted away toward the castle.

“Uh, that’s my sword … ” Daniel sighed as he watched the succubus run away. “And my belt buckle … ”

“Could somebody grab him a rope or something?” I called out and motioned to Daniel. “Don’t worry, my friend. We’ll get you a new weapon. Hell, now that I know I can manipulate metal, I can probably make you the most badass sword I could think of.”

“Seriously,” Liby chimed in, “the sky is the limit for your new power. Think of all the crazy new weapons you could create, or all the things you could build.”

“Once you’re strong enough, redeveloping the Lake of Fire District will be simple!” Sia interjected.

“You could totally make me and Todd some bongs,” Tris suggested. “I’ve always just used glass ones, but he keeps telling me metal ones are better.”

“There’s a certain flavor to using a metal one,” the imp explained. “It’s like you’re getting high and absorbing your daily dose of iron all in one sitting!”

“That would probably be all the carcinogens in the metal,” I laughed. “You probably shouldn’t be smoking in those.”

“Nonsense, Jakey,” the imp said with a wave of his hand. “Now that I’m a badass, shapeshifting, invisible imp, I’m immune to all that shit.”

“Chalk that up as a win for the Toddster,” Tristitia giggled, and then the two of them fistbumped.

“Anyway,” I tried to get us back on track, “I think for now I’ll just stick to using it against armor and weapons. Shit, if I practice enough, I might be able to take down a whole army by myself!”

“You must be careful, though,” Superbia warned. “If it is anything like the other Hellfire magic we’ve encountered, there’s a catch to it.”

“Catch, smatch,” Gula scoffed. “Try to use it on my weapon, Jacob. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve always wanted my axe to have a giant pike right there between the two blades.”

The curvy redhead stepped forward and offered out the double-sided battle axe that had been lying over her shoulder.

I summoned up the proper emotions, reached out for the succubus’ weapon, and called forth silver Hellfire. It floated through the air like mist as it engulfed Gula’s axe in its enchantment, I pictured the hilt of the weapon extending out into a deadly spike, and then I willed the metal to shift.

Suddenly, a shrill chirping sound filled the air, and I was forced to release my spell and slap my hands over my ears. I fell down onto my knees as the sound pounded in my head and threatened to shatter my eardrums.

Then, just as soon as it had started, it stopped.

“Jacob, are you okay?” Liby gasped as she ran over.

“I’m fine,” I promised as I looked up in the sky.

Were we under attack? Was this some sort of warning siren of the Fourth Circle? Was I just going fucking batshit crazy?

“Uh, bro?” Todd’s voice snapped me back to reality. “You cloud watching or something?”

I glanced around at my friends and saw they were all staring at me with concern plastered on their faces.

“Didn’t you guys hear that?” I demanded. “I swear that sound rattled my fucking brain.”

“What sound, dude?” Tris asked as she raised her eyebrow. “We didn’t hear anything.”

“Nobody heard that?” I tried again. “It was a sort of loud, shrieking noise.”

“Nope,” Invidia spoke up. “Are you hearing voices? Do they beckon for you to come out into the woods and perform a blood sacrifice?”

“I almost wish they did,” I grumbled as I stood up and rubbed my ears. “It’d be a much better alternative to that sound.”

“Do you think it was my fault?” Gula asked, and her voice was filled with concern. “It happened when you used your magic on my axe.”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “All I know is something really didn’t want me doing that.”

“I’ve got it!” Libidine said as the lightbulb went off in her head. “It’s because you’re trying to use it against other magic. In this case, Gula’s enchanted axe.”

Cupi stroked her chin for a moment. “You might be onto something, Liby,” she admitted, and then she reached into her belt and pulled out a small cylinder.

The succubus pressed a button on the shaft, and the weapon extended to nearly four times its size. The spear-point popped out of the top as Cupi spun the polearm for good measure and slammed the blunt end into the sandy ground.

“What do you want me to make?” I asked with a hint of flirtation in my voice. “A bigger tip?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” the blonde shot back. “How about something like … ”

“A mother. Fucking. Trident.” Todd interrupted. “How badass would it be if Cupi was out there kicking ass like goddamn Poseidon?”

“You heard the imp,” Cupi said with a nod. “Turn it into a trident.”

I raised my glowing silver hand toward the polearm and quickly encased it with a shimmering spell. I pictured in my mind the spearhead slimming down and then two identical, barbed prongs slithering out of its base.

As the task took shape in my head, the tip of the polearm began to liquify. Two small tendrils rose out of the sides of the spearhead as the head of the trident began to form. Once the tendrils were equally as long as the center, the very top of each one widened out to form a deadly barb.

“Badass, bro,” Todd whistled.

“I believe that confirms Liby’s suspicions,” Cupi acknowledged as she picked up the weapon, spun it around, and then collapsed it down to its compact size. “This weapon was made with human hands, not a demon’s.”

“So, if I try to use it on any sort of enchanted weapon, it’ll assault my eardrums again?” I sighed.

“Perhaps,” the blonde shot back. “Would you like to do another test? Maybe on the Unhallowed Sword?”

I raised my hands up in the air and shook my head.

“No thanks,” I retorted. “I just think it’s a really fucking weird stipulation, that’s all.”

“Just think of it this way, bro,” Todd tried to explain. “Hellfire magic is like playing a video game. Whenever an ability gets overpowered, there’s always a nerf. In this case, the nerf is a loud-ass sound that only you can hear. Damn it, why did I have to mention video games? I really want to blow off some steam, but I left all of ‘em back in the mansion on Earth … ”

“Video games?” Daniel perked up. “I haven’t played one of those things since I was alive. What kind of bits are we up to now?”

“Bits?” Todd asked curiously. “We don’t do bits anymore, bro. Now it’s all about looking as realistic as possible.”

“Impossible,” Daniel scoffed. “When I was alive back in the ‘90s, the Super Nintendo was the shit.”

“It still is, bro,” Todd explained. “But now we’ve got all sorts of badass consoles. I’ll have to show you if we ever get back to the ‘ol Ralston homestead.”

Earth. Despite all of the cool shit going on down here in Hell, I could sense we were all longing to take a visit back to our home.

“We’ll get there eventually, Todd,” I sighed. “It’s just gonna take some time and a strategy we don’t have yet.”

“Why don’t we just go find Angelo Martatelli?” Invidia suggested in a bored tone. “He’d know how to get us out of here.”

“Who’s Angelo Martatelli?” I demanded. “And why are you just telling me about him now?”

“I dunno,” the succubus admitted with a shrug. “I don’t even know how my mind works sometimes. It’s a deep, dark place where everything goes to get lost.”

“Okay, but who is--” I started.

“Angelo Martatelli was a scientist from the Renaissance, bro,” Todd interjected. “He was fucking brilliant, too. He came up with the Hollow Earth theory thousands of years before anyone else, invented the first primitive ghost hunting equipment, and pushed the whole ‘parallel dimensions’ thing all the way back then.”

“He was a scientist during the Renaissance,” I continued, “let me guess what happened to him … beheaded? Burned at the stake?”

“Oh no, bro,” the imp shook his head. “Much worse. Ya see, Martatelli had a good thing going for him. He had like, seven kids and a wife that was smokin’ hot for back then. Buutttt, the Church made sure to discredit his work when he was alive, and they even went as far as to murder his wife. He got pissed, burned down a fuckton of monasteries, and then when they caught him, he was broken on the wheel. Then the Church took his work and buried it someplace out in the countryside.”

“If they buried it all, then how do you know about it?” I asked, and I knew I sounded way more skeptical than I should have.

“Brrrroooooo.” Todd facepalmed. “Haven’t you learned by now? There’s this magical place called the internet, where people from all across the world can share information with the simple click of a button.”

“Oh, you saw it on the internet,” I scoffed. “It must be true.”

“It is true, Jacob,” Invidia stepped in. “Martatelli’s children must have escaped with his work or something, because his notes are still available in all their glory. And if you still don’t believe us, then we could always, I dunno, ask him himself or something.”

“You think Martatelli is down here, in the Fourth Circle?” I questioned.

“Not in the Fourth,” Superbia spoke up. “If he was truly an enemy of the Church, Angelo Martatelli would be confined to the Fifth Circle, the one that’s reserved for Anger.”

“Whoaaaaa there, Sister,” Libidine reminded her. “Do we really think it’s wise to go into Baphomet’s territory? We know for a fact he’s allied himself with Beelzebub.”

“We’d get to meet Baphomet?” Invidia perked up as a hint of rare emotion filled her voice. “That would be badass.”

“You think it’d be ‘badass’ to meet the King of the Fifth Circle, the man who’d love to have us all strung up by our own intestines?” Sia scolded the gothic succubus.

Vidia just stared off into the distance with a wide smile on her face.

“It’s just that, I’m a huge fan,” she explained. “Do you know how many album covers and T-shirts I own with his image on it?”

“Riiiight,” I mused as I weighed our options.

We really didn’t have any other choice. Invidia, Todd, and Sia were all convinced this Martatelli guy was our ticket to interdimensional travel, and he was trapped in the Fifth Circle. If we ever wanted to get back to Earth, we’d need his expertise. And if we wanted his expertise, we’d have to break him out of whatever eternal punishment Baphomet was putting him through.

If that meant leaving my kingdom and risking our lives, then so be it.

“Saddle up, everybody,” I announced to my friends. “We’re going to the Fifth Circle.”

Chapter 10

I may have transversed four different Circles of Hell and battled demon after countless demon to get where I was today, but even I was a little nervous to venture into the Fifth Circle.

This was Baphomet’s domain. Another powerful Demon King who was close with our new enemy, Beelzebub. I didn’t know much about the fucker other than what Todd and Invidia told me, and even that was mostly just info they’d learned from Earth’s pop culture.

This was completely new territory. Dangerous new territory. And we were about to dive in head-first.

Unfortunately, the dinghy we’d been given by Charon was only big enough to hold five or six of us at a time, so I had to be selective on who I took with me.

Libidine, Cupi, and Sia all stayed behind to continue their training with the Shades.

Tris stayed back, as well, but mostly because she was “tired” and wanted to “chillax on the couch for a bit.”

Gula had come along, mostly for her pure strength. If we got into a jam, I wanted my heaviest hitter there to back me up.

I’d debated between bringing Ira or Sia so we’d have healing powers on our team, and ultimately I ended up going with the Sister of Wrath. She claimed there was a lot of water in the Fifth Circle and that if any of us needed to go swimming, she could easily hold her breath the longest.

I didn’t ask, and I didn’t want to know.

That just left me one more spot, and I picked my most beautiful succubi to come with us.

“I can’t wait to get into the Fifth Circle,” Invidia grumbled. “I totally wasn’t enjoying sitting around in my room for hours on end, listening to music, and practicing my smokey eye makeup.”

“You’re welcome,” I mused happily. “See? Superbia told me you were yearning for an adventure.”

Vidia rolled her eyes at me and sighed. “That was sarcasm,” she noted. “Geez.”

“Yeah, Jakey, geez,” Todd snickered. “Is your ‘angst’ filter broken today?”

With Todd on the boat, it was a tight fit, but thankfully he was small enough that the rest of us still had plenty of leg space.

I’d debated not bringing the imp along on this mission, but the seemingly endless knowledge he had about the paranormal, and Martatelli in general, made him invaluable.

Not to mention, I really didn’t want to leave a bored Todd in the castle completely unsupervised.

We were now at a part of the River of Souls that teetered on the edge of our border. Before us sat a large cave of brimstone whose interior was so pitch-black not even a single beam of light seemed to pierce through it. The chasm was carved into the side of a gargantuan mountain that made up the range that existed on the outskirts of the Fourth Circle.

“There it is,” Ira motioned to the large opening in the rocky formation, “the entrance to the Fifth Circle.”

“I wonder if this one’s gonna be a bumpy ride,” I sighed. “Why is it every single portal we’ve gone through in Hell is either in a cave or over a waterfall?”

“Lucifer is a lot of things, Jacob,” Ira said with a shrug. “A clever architect is not one of them.”

“Okay, so we all know the plan, right?” I reiterated rhetorically. “Once we’re in, we need to be on the lookout for Martatelli and any sort of dangers the Circle might pose. Sia mentioned this is the place where angry souls are sent, so I’d imagine there’s gonna be a bunch of shit in there that’ll try to kill us. We find Martatelli, bring him back to our castle, and then see if he has any information on how to get us back to Earth Realm.”

“The Fifth Circle is huge,” Invidia protested. “How are we going to find one single guy in a literal sea of Shades?”

“I’ll take this one, Jakey,” Todd offered. “In the Fifth Circle, everyone gets placed together with people who were killed in a similar way. So if you died in a car crash, you’re put in an area with other people who died in car crashes. If you autoerotically asphyxiated yourself to death, you’ll be put together with people who died choking two necks, too. Making sense so far?”

“So far,” she groaned.

“Good!” Todd continued. “So, we just need to find the part of the Fifth Circle that houses people broken at the wheel, and then we find Martatelli.”

“Weren’t there a lot of people broken on the wheel back in the day or whatever?” the gothic succubus questioned.

“Sure there were, Elvira,” the imp continued, “but compared to something like a heart attack or beheading, it’s actually a really, really small number.”

“It’s not perfect,” I admitted, “but it’s the best we have right now.”

“Let’s get a move on it, then,” Gula interjected. “The quicker we get in there and get out, the sooner you can see all our friends again.”

I twisted in my seat at the front of the boat, took a deep breath as I summoned purple flames into my hand, and then pointed in the direction of the cave.

The tiny boat was instantly encased with the violet fire, and then it slowly began to lurch forward into the cave. Within seconds, the five of us were completely surrounded by darkness as the sounds of the river echoed off the cave walls. As we traveled through the hollow rock, the water seemed to grow more intense underneath our boat, and I felt us pick up speed.

“There is no earthly way of knowwwing, which direction we are gooooing … ” Todd snickered through the darkness.

“Shhh!” I hissed as I called forth red Hellfire into my hand.

I extended my arm out in front of the boat as the light cut through the darkness like a knife. Sure enough, my worst fears were confirmed.

Up ahead, the River of Souls turned to rapids.

“Everybody hang on!” I commanded and gripped the sides of the boat as tightly as I could.

The next few seconds were a total whirlwind. The dinghy began to rock violently, and then I felt the entire thing begin to spin around like a top. Even though the flame in my hand still emitted a vibrant glow, we were spinning far too fast for me to make out anything that was going by.

The succubi and Todd were all screaming in terror as we held on for dear life and hoped that the rapids would show us some mercy.

Somewhere along the rotation, I saw the flash of a faint, green light.

The portal.

“W-we’re almost th-there, guys!” I called out. “Just h-hang on for a little l-l-longer!”

I slammed my eyes shut and prayed to the Exalted One we wouldn’t end up as a handful of blood smears on the side of this cave. That our bodies weren’t going to be mangled as we were tossed like ragdolls from jagged rock to jagged rock and prayed for death.

The sound of the roaring rapids grew louder, but so did the enchanted sound of the portal that would take us to our destination. Then, just as quickly as the rapids had appeared, there was silence, and our boat went still.

I opened up my eyes and saw we were now in a large swamp-like environment.

There were massive trees sticking out of the water that looked like they were torn straight out of a bayou, but there was something about them that just felt off. Instead of having vibrant green vines or mossy bark, they were gray and decrepit, with dying vines that hung down into the water like a cascade of death.

Also missing was the Earthy mulch smell that usually accompanied swamps, replaced by the putrid stench of pure sulfur. I’d grown somewhat used to the scent since I’d been in Hell, but this odor was so strong it felt like the hairs inside of my nose were burning.

“Welcome to the Fifth Circle,” Ira sighed. “Let’s find Martatelli and get out of here. As much as I’d love a good flogging by some evil demons, I’ve got those nipple clamps waiting for me back at home.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I laughed awkwardly, and then I pointed the ship east.

Our dinghy cut through the eerily silent swamp as we tried to pin down the location of the Renaissance scientist. This whole place reeked of sulfur and death, but what really got to me was the things actually in the water.

The Shades.

Just beneath the surface of the swamp laid each and every one of the Shades who had been sentenced to eternal damnation in this Circle, each one reliving the way they died over and over again.

There were Shades who were laying alone in hospital beds, loneliness and despair in their expression. Then there was a large group who wore nooses around their necks as they struggled for breath and their faces turned blue, only for the entire process to start over again. They looked exactly as they looked in real life, with one slight difference.

Each one had a shimmer around them as if they were ghosts or a sort of watery hologram.

“This is … something else,” I gasped as I watched a Shade get run over by a semi truck. “This is definitely more what I think of when I think of Hell.”

“Luckily for us, the first few Circles are the most tame,” Gula explained. “I mean, they’re still riddled with eternal torture, but at least it’s not this sadistic.”

“Does that mean it gets worse the deeper we go?” I asked in shock.

Gula nodded her head somberly. “Let’s hope we never have to go that deep,” she sighed.

“Speak for yourself,” Ira spoke up. “I always begged Azazel to let me take a vacation to the Ninth Circle, but he never allowed it.”

“Uh, bro?” Todd exclaimed in a panic. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we’ve got company!”

I followed the imp’s finger to the spot off in the distance where he pointed, and then fear filled my soul.

I couldn’t get a clear view of the bogey from this far out, but I could clearly see it was flying on two giant black, angel-like wings. The figure had on some sort of baggy pants that fluttered in the wind, and his head was a different color than his body. Most damning, however, were the large, longhorn-like appendages that were jutting out of his head.

“Holyshitholyshitholyshit!” Invidia giggled. “It’s Baphomet!”

“Son of a bitch!” I hissed. “We need to hide. Now!”

“Hide?” Ira scoffed. “We killed Azazel. Surely Baphomet can’t be any more--”

“We killed Azazel with the help of all six of your Sisters, plus Eligor, plus a small army,” I shot back. “We won’t stand a chance with just the five of us.”

I had to think fast. I knew we couldn’t survive a one-on-one battle with another Demon King, at least not while we were sitting ducks in a dinghy. There was only one thing I could think of.

“Todd,” I demanded, “can you turn us invisible?”

“Wh-what?” the imp stammered and pointed to his chest. “I’ve only done it to myself, bro.”

“I know that,” I continued in a panic, “but you also always turn the shit you’re carrying invisible, right? I just need you to do that on a much larger scale.”

“I-I don’t know, bro,” the imp nearly whimpered. “I don’t--”

“Todd, if you don’t do this, we’re all dead!” I whispered in frustration.

The imp’s eyes went wide, and then he stuck out both of his hands for us to take.

“Make a hand circle, dudes and dudettes,” he explained. “No homo.”

I snatched Todd’s tiny red hand with my own and Ira’s with the other.

Ira grabbed Invidia, who grabbed Gula, who grabbed Todd.

Then the imp closed his eyes and started to make a grunting sound as he tried to summon his powers.

“Klaatu … barada … necktie!” he growled, and his body began to tremble.

I glanced back over my shoulder and saw Baphomet was now only about two miles away.

If Todd’s magic wasn’t working, then he would have already seen us by now. And if that happened, we needed to be ready for the fight of our lives.

We all remained silent and watched in horror as the Demon King approached. The sound of his mighty wings filled the air of the Fifth Circle, rivaled only by the loud beating of my heart in my chest. I could now clearly see the goat-head that sat upon his shoulders and the strange way he pulled his hair back atop his noggin. Baphomet slowed into a glide and then fluttered over us without incident.

The five of us watched him turn into an ant in the distance, and then we all let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m guessing it worked?” I sighed and released Todd and Ira’s hands.

“Holy fuck, I think it did!” Todd exclaimed. “Not gonna lie, bro, I totally thought we were goners there for a minute.”

“There’s no trigger?” Ira questioned. “No indicator to you that you’ve gone invisible?”

Todd shrugged. “Not that I know of, Crazy Eyes,” he admitted. “It’s gotten me into a lot of trouble, actually. I’m pretty sure Paranormal Investigations had a whole episode about me based on the footage they got when I tried to sneak into that strip club for free … ”

“You were spotted in the mortal world?” Ira gasped. “Was anyone able to identify you?”

“I dunno,” the imp shot back, “how many little red imps do you know? Anyway, after all the crazy shit that happened in Phoenix after we moved there, I don’t think anyone paid it much mind.”

“I can’t believe how close that was,” I muttered as I clutched my chest and felt my still-throbbing heart. “Fighting Baphomet was not on my list of things to do today.”

“At least we’re safe for now,” Gula reassured, “but I would recommend one of us stays on the lookout, just in case he decides to come back.”

“Why the hell is he even out and about, anyway?” I grumbled. “Shouldn’t he be in his castle doing Demon King political bullshit?”

“Bro, you’re embarrassing me,” Todd sighed. “Baphomet is often called the ‘Reluctant King’ because he never really wanted it. He was just your standard Demon Lord slash succubus pimp until his King pissed him off one too many times.”

“Legion,” Ira added. “Legion used to be the King of the Fifth Circle before Baphomet’s outburst. I remember his death like it was yesterday, it sent major shockwaves through Hell when it happened.”

“Exactly,” Todd continued. “Just like Jakey here, none of the other Demon Kings thought Baphomet would be a good ruler. They thought he was too ‘soft’ and ‘emotional’ to stack up against all the other Kings of Hell.”

“Yet here he is,” the Sister of Wrath clicked her tongue, “one of the most ruthless Demon Kings, and a person nobody wants to cross.”

“All the more reason to get out of his territory as soon as we possibly can,” I agreed. “Let’s go find Martatelli.”

We passed through another small gathering of Shades, the ones who had died from gunshot wounds. Blood trickled out of their wounds and floated up to the surface, so much so that the entire top layer of this sector was covered with a thin layer of crimson.

As I studied the faces of the dead, most of which were frozen in horrific expressions, my blood went cold.

There, in the murky red water, was a familiar face. It was one of the assassins we’d fought back in our first adventure, the ones who ambushed us on the road and tried to mow us down with enchanted bullets. We’d taken out his vehicle and wounded him, then left him on the side of the road to die.

Apparently, he finished the job himself with one of his magic bullets.

I leaned in closer to inspect the oddly-intriguing corpse as we floated by.

His eyes were wide, and the entire left half of his skull had been blown open. Bits of brain matter and gore floated to the surface of the water, but he remained steadfast in his frozen state.

Then he blinked.

The dead assassin lunged at me, and I just got up a purple barrier before he broke the surface of the water. Instead, he bounced off the enchanted shield, seized up once more, and floated back calmly into his original position.

“What the fuck was that?” I demanded.

“Bro, don’t make me Samwise your ass,” Todd explained. “I’m not getting swamp ass again just because you decided to take a dip with the Shades.”

“They might be stuck underneath the water,” Gula explained, “but they’re still former humans with emotions and memories. If they think you can get them out of here, they’re going to try and get you to help.”

“Even if that means pulling you down and drowning you in the process,” Ira added.

“That one seemed a bit more aggressive, though,” Gula mused. “Almost like he was intentionally trying to kill you.”

“That’s because he was,” I agreed. “He’s one of the assassins we killed right after we escaped Vegas.”

“Holy shit, the one I stomped into a pulp when I took that pill that made me grow twenty feet tall?” Todd gasped. “Or was it the one I beheaded after I held aloft my magic sword and declared--”

“Neither,” I cut off the imp’s fake story. “It was the one we injured and then left for dead.”

“Huh,” Todd said as he scratched his head. “I don’t remember that one. Musta been taken care of by the sidekicks.”

“I hate to interrupt your storytime,” Vidia spoke up as she leaned over the side of the boat, “actually, no I don’t. But I see a bunch of iron maidens over here. That’s got to be close, right?”

I turned the boat so it headed over toward the sector Invidia was referring to and instantly knew we were on the right path.

All around us were Shades who had been killed by iron maidens, stretched to death by the rack, skewered by a heretic’s fork, or sawed in half by the giant-ass bonesaw. Even though I’d seen some awful shit in my time, the whole scene made me queasy.

Then I saw it. A whole section of wheels.

There was a Shade attached to each one, all in a different configuration of mangled flesh and broken bones.

“Bro, there he is!” Todd exclaimed.

I stared down into the abyss as I scanned for the scientist. There, at the very bottom of the swamp, sat a large wheel. Chained to it was a bulky man who wore a dark green stocking cap on his head, a pair of tights on his lower half, and a spotted cape around his neck. His right arm was twisted in a grisly manner, and his legs were both bent backward at the knee. Worst of all, his throat was covered with a dark purple bruise where his windpipe had been caved in.

“That’s Angelo Martatelli, alright,” Invidia whistled. “What a deliciously gory way to go.”

“Alright,” I announced as I recalled the purple Hellfire around the boat and slowed it to a halt. “I’m going in.”

I stood up in the boat, removed my breastplate, and placed it on the wooden bench beside me. Then I unsheathed the Unhallowed Sword so it wouldn’t weigh me down.

It was just going to be me, my dagger, and the debris-filled water.

And millions of Shades who may or may not want to kill me.

“You sure you still wanna do this, Jacob?” Gula asked with concern in her voice. “Ira said she can hold her breath the longest. Maybe she should go?”

“No,” I commanded. “I was the one who brought you here and put you all in danger. Besides, you’ll be able to make a quick getaway on your wings if anything catches us by surprise.”

“Just for the record, I offered,” Ira suggested as she crossed her arms over her chest.

The plan was simple. Dive down there, grab Martatelli, and get the fuck out of dodge. I would ask ‘what could possibly go wrong,’ but I knew better at this point.

“See you guys on the other side,” I joked.

Before any of my friends could protest further, I dove headfirst into the water with my hands in front of my head. I broke through the surface, and instantly my entire body went cold. I could feel the goosebumps as the chill ran through my very soul, but I pushed on.

I kicked my feet in small, rapid motions behind me as I used my arms to guide my descent. I tried to move as stealthily as I could to avoid the attention of the Shades, but I was forced to quicken my pace.

It’s not like I could hold my breath forever, after all.

I heard the water swish around me, and then I snapped my head around just in time to see a Shade reach out for my body. I thrust myself backward as his hand passed me by, and I got a good look at the poor guy.

This one’s neck was bent to the right, and his hand dangled off his wrist as he reached.

He began to scream in a language I didn’t know, the syllables reduced to bubbles and muffled sounds, but his eyes were stretched open with terror.

I tried to continue onward, but it was too late. Suddenly, every Shade within my immediate vicinity started to wail, and I felt them grabbing for my body. I tried to punch at the fuckers, but I couldn’t get enough momentum going to knock them away. Their hands grasped at every single inch of my body, and I began to panic as I felt the oxygen slowly draining from my lungs.

I let out a gasp of desperation, but I only took in a bit of the nasty water. I kicked and punched at the Shades, but it was no use. My lungs began to contract within my body, and I could feel myself losing oxygen fast.

If I didn’t do something quick, I was going to drown.

I felt the black Hellfire begin to spread across my body, but I had to do everything in my power to keep it from taking over. The one and only time I had ever let that happen, I ended up in some dark and twisted place I barely made it back from. So, I thought of calming thoughts and pushed my fear out of my body.

Then I summoned up green Hellfire into one hand and created a portal just underneath my body. I called forth red Hellfire into my other hand, but it sputtered and went out instantly.

The spasms in my chest became more rapid, and I knew I only had one more shot.

I reached up with my left hand and summoned red Hellfire with every ounce of strength I had left. A moment later, a huge blast of flames shot out of my open palm and forced my entire body downward.

The next thing I knew, I was passing through the emerald portal, and I reappeared in the sky, about fifty feet above the boat. I plummeted toward the dinghy like a lead balloon, but I quickly threw out a platform of purple Hellfire to break my fall.

I slammed into the glowing violet barrier, bounced off, and landed in the boat with a violent crash. I rolled over and coughed up what felt like a gallon of water as I tried to catch my breath. Then I collapsed onto the floor of the vessel and let out a deep sigh.

“Sooooo,” Todd asked coyly, “how’d it go?”

“How do you think,” I coughed back in frustration. “The fucking Shades swarmed me like a fucking school of pirhannas.”

“I could try--” Ira started, but then I cut her off.

“Even with your healing powers and amazing breath-holding abilities, they’re still going to stop you,” I mumbled. “And I don’t think any of our offensive attacks will work down there. My red Hellfire went out the second I tried to use it, and your acidic flames will just dissolve and hurt everyone.”

“Could I try and separate their souls?” Vidia asked sheepishly. “That could help clear a pathway for you.”

“I don’t think that would work,” I sighed. “They’re Shades. They’ve already had their souls separated from their bodies.”

“But we haven’t!” Todd gasped as insight took over.

“What are you talking about, Todd?” Gula groaned. “I don’t see how giving any of us a near-death experience is going to help.”

But the Sister of Gluttony was wrong. That was exactly what we needed to do.

“Hold on, Gula,” I said as I pondered the proposition. “I think the Toddster’s onto something.”

The redhead put her hands on her hips and cocked her head.

“I’m not following,” she admitted.

“Look,” I explained. “Shades are just souls separated from their Earthly bodies, right?”

“Right … ohhhhhhh.” Gula smiled as she caught on. “If they think you’re one of them, they won’t attack you.”

“Exactly,” Todd mused as he laid back and kicked up his feet on the edge of the boat. “See? Sometimes I do know what I’m talking about.”

“But how will you free Martatelli?” Ira asked curiously. “You’ll be in an astral form, so you won’t be able to interact with physical objects.”

“I don’t have to,” I continued, “I’ll still be able to use my Hellfire to manipulated the environment around me.”

“That’s genius.” The slender, dark-haired succubus grinned. “I knew there was a reason I was following you.”

I turned to Invidia and gave her a slow nod.

“You know what to do, Vidia,” I commanded. “Hit me with your best shot.”

“Whatever,” Invidia sighed, rolled her eyes, and extended a glowing silver hand.

Then the Sister of Envy unleashed a beam of metallic fire, and the impact hit me like a ton of bricks.

The next thing I knew, I was floating above the boat, looking down at my own body as my friends surrounded it. I felt like I was totally weightless, as if my human body had been weighing me down with two-hundred pounds of deadweight.

“Go get ‘em, Jakey!” Todd called out into the sky, though he obviously couldn’t see my ghost.

I looked down at the water below, gulped down my worries, and then floated down into the abyss once more.

This time, there was nothing to it. The surface of the water didn’t break when I passed through it, nor did the liquid restrict my movement. I was floating downward, just like a ghost you’d see in an old-school cartoon.

The Shades looked over at me as I passed, but none of them made any attempt to grab me as I weaved through the different wheels.

It was working. This crazy-ass idea was actually working.

Finally, I approached Martatelli. Up close, the Shade looked like he was in even worse condition. His dark eyes were bulged out of his skull, his nose was twisted and broken, and every single finger on his hands had their fingernails ripped out.

The sight of the scientist in this way made me physically ill. And all of this was done in the name of the Exalted One. I really needed to talk to the big guy upstairs sometime about that.

That is, if I ever got out of Hell.

I summoned forth my own silver Hellfire and aimed it at the chains around Angelo’s wrists and ankles.

The metal shimmered in the flame before it began to liquefy. In seconds, the chains had been turned into nothing more than gray particles that floated away in the water.

Martatelli’s body was released from its prison, and the scientist’s mangled figure began to float up toward the surface.

I shot ahead of the Shade, popped up above the boat, and then gracefully lowered my astral form back down into my body. Suddenly, my eyes opened, and I flung myself up as I took a gasp of air.

“Jacob, you’re back!” Gula exclaimed as she wrapped me in a warm embrace.

“I’m not the only one who’s back,” I mused as I shook my head and pointed toward the water.

Martatelli’s body broke the surface with a weak splash as he began to scream out words in Italian.

I reached out, summoned green Hellfire into my hands, and delicately lifted the scientist out of the water. Then I pulled my hands toward my body, and the Shade’s mangled form followed my actions. Finally, I lowered Martatelli down into the one open spot on our boat and let out a deep sigh.

“We did it,” I whistled. “We fucking did it!”

I gave Todd and the succubi high fives as we celebrated our victory, and then I surrounded the boat with purple Hellfire.

It was time to go home.

“Very impressive,” I heard a deep, inhuman voice growl from above, and I nearly jumped out of the boat. “Too bad it was all for nothing.”

My team shot our eyes up toward the sky and gasped in surprise.

The goat-headed form of Baphomet appeared above us out of thin air.

I instantly reached for the Unhallowed Sword, grabbed it, and held it at the ready.

“What the fuck do you want, asshole?” I hissed at the demon. Since he and Beezlebub were allies, I knew his intentions were anything but good.

The goat-headed fucker just clicked his tongue. “Such malice,” he whistled. “It’s a damn shame you showed up when you did. I feel like we could have been best friends in another life.”

“Friends?” I shot back. “You and I are nothing alike, Baphomet!”

“More than you think, King of the Fourth Circle,” he grimaced. “Now, normally this is where I’d tear you and your friends apart and force your organs down each other’s throats. But I’m kind of busy right now doing ‘Demon King shit’ as you liked to call it.”

My heart sank into my stomach. He’d been watching this whole time.

“Well, that’s great!” Todd chuckled awkwardly. “If you got places to be, and we got places to be, then maybe we should all just be hitting the ‘ol dusty trail and--”

“Silence, imp!” Baphomet’s voice echoed across the entirety of the Fifth Circle. “I’m not going to kill you. But he is.”

The demon let out a cackle as he aimed his hand down at the water, summoned black Hellfire, and shot it down into the murky depths.

“See you around, ‘King Ralston,’” the goat-headed demon mused, and then he disappeared into thin air.

“What the fuck was that?” Ira demanded.

Suddenly, the surface of the water began to bubble, and I could see something approaching us from just beneath the surface.

Judging by the amount of waves it was creating, it was fucking massive.

“Hold on tight, guys,” I groaned and tightened my grip on the Unhallowed Sword. “It looks like we’ve got company.”

Chapter 11

“Uh, Jakey?” Todd observed as we watched the massive creature approach. “I think we’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

The waves spread open around the beast’s gargantuan figure as it barrelled toward us with lightning-fast speed. Though this thing was mostly underwater, I could see two beady red eyes atop a pug-faced snout staring us down as it approached.

Then it lunged downward and disappeared from our view.

“Oh, not good,” I muttered and threw a huge orb of purple Hellfire around our position. “What the fuck is that thing?”

“It’s Tannin, the great sea beast of the Fifth Circle,” Ira explained. “Legend has it he can swallow a whole ship in a single bite.”

“Well, brace for impact,” I warned everyone, “because he’s about to try and make us his next snack!”

Martatelli began to panic and ramble in Italian, but I had no idea what the fuck he was saying. He probably didn’t know what we were talking about, either, but surely he understood the severity of the situation.

Then Tannin struck.

Massive waves shot up on each side of us, and there was an intense crash as our boat went airborne. The impact of the beast’s attack caused my spell to break, which sent the entire team flying in all directions.

Purple flames sprang out of the back of the succubi, and all three of them caught themselves with their elegant wings.

Todd let out a high pitched shriek before he surrounded himself with black Hellfire and floated to a halt.

Martatelli and me?

We weren’t so lucky.

As I tumbled downward, the monster breached the surface once more, ready to devour me. This time I saw his ugly mug in full. He was nearly as wide as a football field, with a flat snout, two glowing red eyes, and a circular mouth that took up the bulk of his body. His body was green and covered with leathery, bumpy flesh, and inside his mouth were hundreds of razor-sharp teeth arranged in circular rows. The lines of teeth stretched all the way down his gullet, all the way back past his car-sized uvula.

I threw down a barrier of purple Hellfire and braced myself for impact. Pain shot through my shoulder as I smashed into the enchanted platform and rolled to a stop. It may have hurt like Hell, but at least I wasn’t fish food.

Martatelli was screaming out some very vulgar-sounding Italian words as he fell through the sky, and I quickly used my free hand to engulf his body with telekinetic Hellfire. His descent screeched to a halt as he was picked up by the jade flames, and he slowly began to rise into the air.

The creature’s giant snout smashed into the bottom of my barrier, and my whole body was tossed a few feet into the air. I landed safely back down on my hands and knees as Tannin fell back into the water, but the impact from the assault caused me to release my telekinetic spell.

Martatelli plummeted once more, and the creature would soon make another pass.

“I’ve got him, Jacob!” Invidia exclaimed as she darted down and grabbed the scientist in her arms.

I heard a loud crack as the succubus grabbed the mangled Shade, and he let out a wail of agony.

“How are we gonna take down Moby Dickless here?” Todd asked as he hovered down next to me.

“The same way we’ve killed so many other creatures down here, bro,” I said with a smile. “Lots of teamwork, and even more improvisation. First, we need to see if we can even use our spells on this fucking thing.”

The surface of the water erupted once more, and Tannin lurched up at us with a deep bellow.

This time, though, I was prepared.

I took a running start and then leapt off my violet platform seconds before the bastard hit the first one. Then I twisted myself around in the air, created a second platform beneath me, and then landed softly on its glowing surface. While the monster’s figure was still in the air, I threw out both of my hands and summoned forth all of the telekinetic Hellfire I could muster.

The glowing emerald flames surrounded Tannin’s body, but the second I had him in my grasp, I was forced to my knees. This bastard was heavy, and the flickering of the violet spell beneath me let me know I wasn’t going to be able to hold him for very much longer.

Thankfully, my friends took the hint.

“Smile, you sonofabitch!” Todd screamed, and he unleashed a flurry of baseball-sized fireballs as he dive-bombed the beast.

At the same time, Gula and Ira joined in on the fun.

The Sister of Wrath tossed turquoise spell after turquoise spell in an attempt to burn the creature’s flesh. The attack was striking Tannin with a sizzle, but it didn’t seem to be doing much damage.

Gula had her battle axe in hand as she flew up into the sky, dived back down, and struck at Tannin’s right fin with her blade. The axe sliced about halfway through the creature’s fin before it became lodged in his leathery skin, and the sudden halt to Gula’s momentum caused her to lose her grip and go somersaulting through the sky.

Tannin let out a wail that shook the entire landscape of the swamp, and then he began to thrash around harshly.

I tried to keep him wrangled in with my spell, but it was too much. My arms were growing heavier by the second, and it now felt like I was trying to hold a six-hundred pound weight in each one. I gasped as I released the sea monster from its telekinetic prison, and he careened back down toward the surface of the water.

Tannin caused a geyser as he struck the water, and then he slunk back underneath the waves.

“Did you see that?” Gula exclaimed. “I think I did some damage!”

“Are you guys ready for round two?” I asked and reinforced the platform underneath my feet. “Because it’s about to start right now!”

Still maintaining my protective purple spell with one hand, I summoned bronze Hellfire into my open palm. I charged it up for a second or two, and then I unleashed it down at the spot where Tannin had just disappeared.

The flames spread across the water like a blanket of oil and forced their very molecules to vibrate rapidly. Suddenly, a tidal wave as large as a twenty-story building rose up out of the swamp, and with it came Tannin.

As soon as the beast was airborne and defenseless, Gula, Todd, Ira, and I all blasted it with as many red fireballs as we possibly could. Each one struck Tannin’s body and left behind dark singe marks, but he remained unphased as he plummeted back down into the depths.

“Fuck,” I growled. “I really thought that was gonna work.”

“I’ve got an idea,” Ira suggested. “It’s twisted, and it’s gonna hurt. Oh my, how it’s gonna hurt!”

“Get yourself off later, Crazy Eyes,” Todd said as he snapped his fingers. “What is it?”

“Ever heard the story of Jonah and the whale?” the Sister of Wrath asked.

“No, but I’ve seen Pinocchio enough times to get where this is going,” the imp acknowledged. “Get up in there like you’re paying by the minute!”

If we hadn’t been in the heat of battle, I would have made a snarky comment. However, Ira was already in the air and aglow with her healing magic.

“As a backup, I’ll try to knock out its soul or whatever,” Invidia offered from above. “Here, Gula. Hold this.”

The gothic succubus tossed Martatelli into the air, and her redheaded Sister shot up and grabbed him by his leg.

Another sickly pop emerged from the Shade’s body, and he groaned in his native tongue once more.

Vidia floated down beside Ira and began to charge up her silver Hellfire.

This time, Tannin came at us from an angle rather than from below. His gargantuan figure launched out of the water like a rocket, and his mouth opened wide as he flew toward us.

Ira held out her morning star in front of her, and then she flew directly at the beast as quickly as she could. The Sister of Wrath looked like a golden comet as she shot through the air, and then she disappeared into Tannin’s open maw.

Invidia’s body was now glowing bright with her metallic Hellfire as she waited for the perfect opportunity to take her shot. Once the monstrosity was within striking distance, the Sister of Envy released her attack.

The silver beam struck Tannin head-on, and he moaned in pain as the fire surrounded his body.

However, nothing seemed to happen.

“Fuck!” Vidia gasped as she kept holding her spell in vain.

Tannin was approaching fast, and if none of us did something soon, we were going to join Ira in his belly.

I held out my hand, surrounded it with green Hellfire, and then used my magic to create the biggest portal I’d ever made right in front of Tannin’s trajectory.

The beast’s open jaws passed through the glowing gateway of green and then reappeared directly behind its hind end. Tannin’s momentum kept his body going, and his razor-sharp teeth buried themselves into his own rear. The creature was only latched on for a second, but it was enough time to do damage. Tannin shrieked and pulled away from himself, and as he did so, a few geysers of dark-red demon blood sprayed from his newfound wounds.

“Jacob, it’s … it’s not working … ” Invidia sighed, obviously weakened from using her powers on such a massive scale. “I … ”

Without another word, Vidia fainted and began to fall out of the sky.

“Fuck!” Gula gasped. “Hold him, Todd!”

The redhead tossed Martatelli over toward the floating imp, and he completely missed his cue. The scientist’s eyes went wide as he sailed past Todd’s position and plummeted down toward the swampy water.

At the same time, Tannin lost his momentum and fell back into the abyss.

Martatelli’s twisted body hit right after the beast’s, and they both disappeared from view.

“Eh, he’s a Shade,” Todd mused. “He’ll be fine.”

“I wonder how Ira’s doing?” Gula thought aloud as she flew back over with the unconscious Invidia in her arms.

“He’s still breathing,” I observed, “so she can’t be doing that much damage. Then again, neither are we.”

“You know what we need, bro?” Todd pondered. “We need a giant fucking--”

Before he could finish his thought, an enormous geyser of water shot out of the water and struck our position. I was blown off the violet platform by the frigid water, and I began to flail wildly as I plummeted down into the water. The next thing I knew, I was submerged in the swamp.

I could feel the weight of the Unhallowed Sword weighing me down, but there was nothing I could really do. It was either sink, or abandon my most prized possession.

And I sure as fuck wasn’t going to do that.

Then, in the distance, I saw Tannin. Despite his massive frame, the creature was shooting through the water as if he were a submarine with a turbo boost.

I couldn’t believe I was saying this, but I needed to fall faster. I looked around and saw a few of the Shades were reaching for my body, and I got an idea. I summoned silver Hellfire to my hands, cast it around the chains on the Shade’s wrists and ankles, and then pulled the liquified metal back into my fist. The oxidized metal shimmered as I willed it to form a large anchor, and then I felt my body jerk downward violently.

And not a second too soon.

Tannin barrelled over my head not a millisecond after I had created the anchor. My body lifted into a horizontal position as the current threatened to pull me away, but I was able to hang on.

I threw down a green portal beneath my trajectory, and I passed through it with ease. My body reappeared about sixty feet above the water, and I quickly released the anchor while simultaneously forming a platform of purple to land on. I rolled into an upright position, shot out a beam of green Hellfire, and caught the anchor in my spell. I heard Tannin make the leap out of the swamp once more, but that was just what I was waiting for.

I spun my body around on the platform, and the glowing green anchor spun with it. Then I jerked my arms down in a diagonal motion, and the anchor followed suit.

It spun like a frisbee as it hurled at the airborne beast, struck him in the side of the head, and knocked him to the side.

The beast groaned angrily as blood spurted from his wounds, and he sank back under the surface.

“That worked like a charm, Jacob!” Gula exclaimed as she zipped back over to my position.

The redhead still had Invidia in her arms, but they were both soaked. Vidia’s eyeliner was now running in dark streaks down her sleeping face, and her shiny chest was heaving underneath her black corset.

The next thing I knew, the bodies of Ira and Martatelli shot out of the water like bullets. The glowing form of the Sister of Wrath cannonballed through the air, caught herself on her giant, bat-like wings, and then darted over and snatched Martatelli out of the sky. The succubus carried the still-screaming man over to my floating platform, and we planned our next move.

“How did that go, Crazy Eyes?” Todd asked excitedly. “Did ya penetrate the inside of that thing like an Amsterdam whore?”

“I don’t know what that means,” Ira said as she rolled her eyes, “but no. I was able to get a few cuts on his vital organs, but his viscera is far too thick for my weapons or magic to get through.”

“The anchor seemed to work,” Gula observed. “Where did you find that thing?”

“I didn’t,” I admitted. “I made it.”

As soon as the words left my lips, I knew that was the solution. I made the makeshift weapon out of the chains that bound the Shades to their torments. If I could do it again, on an even grander scale, then maybe I could create a stronger weapon that could put a pin in this situation once and for all.

“I have a batshit crazy idea,” I announced.

Before I could finish, another geyser of water shot out from beneath the surface. This time, however, I was able to throw up a wall of purple Hellfire, and the swampy liquid shot off in four different directions harmlessly.

Tannin’s massive figure broke the surface again, and he looked furious.

I wasn’t sure what the intelligence level of this thing was, but I was starting to assume he was realizing “jump out of the water at these guys” wasn’t a tactic that was working.

Of course, I wasn’t going to stand around and give him time to devise another one.

“I need you to keep him busy,” I ordered the rest of the team. “I’m gonna have to get in the water.”

“That’s suicide, Jacob!” Ira gasped. “The water is Tannin’s natural habitat. He’s got you outmatched in every way when you’re down there.”

“It better be one Hell of a distraction, then,” I joked. “I have faith in you guys.”

Despite my friend’s pleas, I took a running jump off the enchanted platform and dove toward the chilly waters below. I broke the surface with a somewhat violent crash, and then I felt the cold, dark embrace of the liquid around me.

I knew I didn’t have a moment to spare, so I instantly closed my eyes and started to think about this current fucked up situation. How Baphomet saw me as such a non-threat he hadn’t even given us the time of day. The fact that there was no stipulation for a Demon King like myself to enter and exit Hell at will. How, even in death, Azazel was still fucking with me thanks to all the shit he did when he was alive.

The bitterness swelled inside me as I kept my eyes closed and hoped my friends were keeping Tannin at bay. I heard the waves in the distance crash and assumed that meant things were going well.

As the silver Hellfire surrounded my body and washed over it with a tingling sensation, I got the distinct taste of iron in my mouth. At the same time, my heart began to thump faster in my chest, and it suddenly felt like my bloodstream was full of the metallic substance. All around me in the water, I could hear the swish of the various streams of liquid metal as they came under my command.

When I finally opened my eyes, I saw an orb of metallic fluid nearly five times the size of my body.

This would make a perfect spear.

I was still weighed down by the Unhallowed Sword at my belt, so I used my purple Hellfire to create a series of tiny ledges all throughout the water. Then I “climbed” up the ledges using my upper body strength until I finally reached the one that sat above the surface. As soon as I breached, I raised a glowing purple hand into the air and ordered our boat to return to me.

About a mile away, my friends had Tannin completely focused on them.

Todd was darting around like an annoying mosquito, firing fireball after fireball into the creature’s thick hide. Gula, who still held the unconscious Invidia, was assisting him in the assault.

Meanwhile, Ira was using Martatelli as a form of human bait. She held the Shade by his legs as she dangled him just outside the reach of Tannin’s jaws.

Needless to say, the scientist wasn’t too thrilled about his role in all of this.

Charon’s boat returned to me from wherever it had been, and I climbed up into it in a hurry. I stumbled to the front, raised my glowing silver hand, and brought the giant orb of metallic liquid out of the water.

Despite their best efforts to distract the beast, this action caught his attention. Tannin swiftly rotated his body so it was facing me head-on, and then he began to shoot through the water like he’d been shot out of a cannon.

I closed my eyes and willed the metal orb to shape itself into a fishermen’s spear. The liquid responded with a squishing sound, and when I opened my eyes, I saw my creation.

It wasn’t anything fancy, just a twenty-foot long metal spear with a barb on the end that was larger than a dinosaur’s head.

Nothing major.

I raised my other hand, and my boat charged forward. As Tannin and I closed the distance on each other, I took aim as best I could. I’d just sucked up all of the metal in this sector of the Fifth Circle, so if I missed, I was shit out of luck.

Once the ugly fucker was about fifty feet away from my position, I let out a roar of anger and launched the spear forward.

It struck Tannin directly between the eyes, and the creature let out a yelp of pain. Then his beady red eyes grew lifeless, and his muscular tail stopped moving.

It worked. The bastard was dead.

However, both of us still had plenty of momentum, and even in death Tannin had a massive size advantage.

I tossed out a green portal in front of the boat, passed through it harmlessly, and then reappeared on the opposite side of the dead creature.

“You did it, Jacob!” Gula yelled happily as she landed in the boat.

The Sister of Gluttony set Invidia down on a bench and then ran over and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. She pulled back, looked at the ground, and covered her face as it grew red.

“I’m glad to see you too, Gula.” I winked.

Todd and Ira floated down into the vessel and plopped down onto the seats with an exhausted sigh.

“That was intense, bro,” the imp panted.

“Agreed,” Ira mused and released her grip on Martatelli. “I haven’t had a workout like that in weeks.”

The water around us was suddenly filled with thousands of tiny ripples, followed immediately by the sound of panicked splashing. As I looked back at the dead beast in the water, I let out a gasp of surprise.

The Shades, presumably the ones whose chains I’d broken, were now rushing Tannin’s body. Their cold, dead hands reached up and grabbed onto the corpse, and then they began to drag it down into the abyss.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” I said as I turned our boat and made a command decision. “Before those Shades decide they want to do the same thing to us.”

I commanded the boat to move, and we were on our way back to the Fourth Circle.

We’d defeated a sea monster, outwitted the rules of Baphomet’s domain, and now we were one step closer to going home and replenishing our forces.

Chapter 12

The second we were clear of the Shades’ gripping hands, we booked it back through the Fifth Circle until we hit the cave that acted as the gateway. When we passed through it this time, we weren’t taken on a vomit-inducing joyride. Instead, Charon’s boat simply entered the wide mouth of the cavern, and then we reappeared safely back in the Fourth Circle.

“That was brilliant, you know,” Ira mused. “Not only did you kill Baphomet’s favorite monster, but you also released hundreds, if not thousands, of his Shades from their imprisonment. It’s going to take him forever to get order restored in his domain, and every second he’s doing that is one less second he’s helping Beelzebub plot against you.”

Just then, Martatelli sat up at the waist. A loud “pop” sounded from his spine, and he grimaced in pain before he began to speak. The Shade was yelling something in Italian and waving his mangled hands around like a maestro, but I had no idea what the fuck he was saying.

Todd hopped over in front of the Shade, slapped his hands on his face, and looked him in the eyes.

“Bonjourno,” the imp began. “Me llamo ‘Todd.’”

The Shade simply raised his eyebrows.

“Todd?” he asked curiously as he seemed to understand Todd’s mixture of languages.

“Si, si,” the imp continued, and then he began to point at each member of the group. “Jacob. Invidia. Ira. Gula.”

“Is that the first time Todd’s ever called us by our real names?” Gula whispered to me. “It just feels … weird. I actually don’t like it one bit.”

“I’m sure he won’t make it a habit, ‘Firecracker,’” I shot back with a wink.

Martatelli looked around the boat, nodded, and then seemed to ask a question in his native tongue.

Todd looked back at me and shrugged. “I only took two years of Spanish in High School, bro,” he explained. “My work is done here.”

“Superbia should know Italian,” Ira offered.

“When did she become bilingual?” I asked with surprise in my voice.

Ira smirked and shook her head.

“She knows every language in human history,” the succubus explained. “When you’re a madame for interdimensional sex demons, you kind of need to be able to speak your client’s language. Whatever that may be.”

“Fair enough,” I admitted. “We can have Sia talk to Angelo when we get back to the castle. For now, though, we just need to make sure he knows we’re friends, not foes.”

I turned to the scientist, knelt down, and extended my hand in greeting.

He looked at it for a second before he reached out, grabbed my hand weakly, and gave it a small shake. Martatelli was in pretty rough shape from all of the years of torture he’d endured in the Fifth Circle. His skin was a blue and red canvas of cuts and bruises, and it looked like almost all of his limbs were twisted and dislocated in some way, shape, or form. Even the hand that shook mine was swollen and battered, and I worried I was going to snap his wrist off if I moved it too hard.

“We’re friends,” I explained. “‘Amici.’”

“Amici?” he gasped.

“Si,” I replied. “We’re taking you back to our home.”

“Our casa su casa, bro,” Todd offered.

Angelo’s eyes looked like they were deep in thought, but then he smiled.

“Casa?” he asked. “Vado a casa tua?”

“Uh, sure!” I said with a nod. “Casa tua!”

Angelo’s smile grew wider, and then he fell back onto the bottom of the boat and began to laugh giddily as he stared up at the sky.

I couldn’t really blame him for his excitement. He’d spent hundreds of years chained to that wheel, constantly re-living the day of his execution over and over again with no end in sight. Now, he was set free and told he was going to somebody’s home?

I’d be pretty fucking excited, too.

Our journey lasted about another hour or two before we finally slowed to a halt at the pier at the back side of our castle.

Gula and Ira carefully lifted Martatelli out of the boat, and then the five of us made our way up the winding staircase of brimstone until we arrived in the main hall of our dwelling.

Superbia, Cupi, and Liby were all standing around a large oaken table chatting excitedly. When they saw us, all three of the succubi went silent, smiled, and then they ran over with a spring in their step.

Before I knew it, I was locked into Libidine’s warm embrace.

“You made it back!” Liby exclaimed.

“And you found Martatelli, I presume,” Superbia observed as she looked at the scientist in her Sisters’ arms.

“Sure did,” Ira sighed. “But as you can see, he’s kinda been through the ringer. Lucky bastard.”

“I’ll get on that,” Sia chuckled and summoned gold Hellfire into her right hand.

The Sister of Pride waltzed over to Martatelli’s body, placed her healing hand on his forehead, and then spread her shimmering spell around his body.

The golden Hellfire wrapped around the mangled form of the scientist, and then his wounds began to heal. His bones made a cracking noise as they slowly rotated around and moved back into their regular positions. At the same time, the bluish-black color of his skin faded back into something more peach-tone, and the cuts across his face and arms stitched themselves back together.

Within a few seconds, the scientist was completely healed.

Angelo stood up under his own power, patted his body as he stared down at it in disbelief, and then let out a joyous laugh. He threw his arms wildly around Superbia’s tiny body and pulled her into a tight bear hug as he cackled triumphantly. Finally, he pulled back with his hands still on her shoulders and said something in Italian.

“Ahhhh,” Sia shot back. “Tu parli italiano?”

The Shade nodded, and then Sia began to speak to him in his native language.

We watched the two of them converse for a minute or two, and then Superbia turned around to face us.

“He says he is eternally grateful that you saved him,” she explained. “Angelo also says he’s willing to help us out in whatever way he possibly can.”

“Tell him we’re trapped in Hell and want to get back to Earth Realm,” I ordered the redhead. “That’s priority number one.”

“Number two, you mean,” Cupiditas spoke up. “Hell, it might even be number three. We still need to get more demons on our side, and we still need to whip our Shades into being battle-ready.”

“What, did you do nothing while we were gone?” I asked coyly.

The blonde succubus slapped the side of my arm playfully.

“We went over large-scale battle formations while you were gone, thank you very much,” she giggled. “They’ve just about got the phalanx down to a tee.”

Superbia turned back to Angelo and began to talk to him delicately. As she spoke, the scientist’s eyes lit up with excitement, and he began to gently hop up and down. Then he animatedly threw out his arms and fired back a slew of really fast Italian at the succubus madame.

“He says this is a dream come true,” Sia explained. “He says the church shut down all his work on interdimensional travel and burned all his notes, but he’s still got most of it up in his mind.”

“Okay,” I said with a nod, “but how is that going to help us right now? Where is the portal back to Earth Realm?”

The succubus communicated my question and then allowed the scientist to respond.

“He’s not one-hundred percent sure,” she answered with a sigh. “He says by all accounts, it shouldn’t even exist. Humans are strictly forbidden by universal law from traveling between the Realms, as are demons.”

“Bullshit,” I growled. “There were plenty of fucking demons on Earth. We had a whole book full of names!”

“Exactly,” the redhead continued. “It’s explicitly forbidden, yet demons still jump back and forth somehow. Let me ask Angelo what he thinks.”

The succubus explained our situation to the Shade, and then he nodded slowly.

Martatelli though it over for a second, and then he answered.

“According to his research, there are only two ways beings can travel across the dimensions,” Sia translated. “The first is with a Demonic or Divine spell.”

“That’s probably why Raph’s all sparkly and glowy when he shows his sappy ass,” Todd observed. “I really miss that guy. I haven’t had anyone to prank call in months … ”

“How did it work for you guys?” I found myself asking aloud. “The whole point of succubi is they are summoned to Earth Realm to fulfil the desires of their summoner, right? How did you guys do it?”

“It was always the duty of our pimp,” Cupi sighed. “Earl would get our assignments via a message from Lilith, then he’d snap his fingers, there’d be a swish of purple, and--”

“Purple Hellfire like Charon’s?” I grinned as the lightbulb went off in my head.

“You’re right!” Cupi gasped. “Perhaps the great ferryman of Hell is the key to all of this?”

“But Charon never leaves the confines of Hell,” Gula spoke up. “He mostly sticks to the River of Souls, unless someone calls him away … ”

Angelo spoke up, and Superbia nodded in agreement.

“He says the other most likely solution is there’s a secret interdimensional portal hidden away somewhere in Hell,” Sia elaborated. “Someplace where the more ambitious demons could go and cross over without being detected.”

“Yikes,” Todd whistled. “I knew there was a bunch of mythology and shit behind everything down here, but I didn’t expect Hell to have so many rules.”

“Seriously,” Invidia spoke up. “This whole ‘science’ and ‘politics’ thing is kinda boring. I’m gonna go up to my room and listen to the Cure.”

The gothic succubus placed her arms over her chest, and then she strutted away and up the stairs.

“I’d say it’s just a phase,” Todd joked, “but I think she’s been that way for thousands of years.”

“Hundreds of thousands,” Libidine corrected.

“Alright, so let’s review here,” I sighed and rubbed my brow in frustration. “We think that maybe the interdimensional travel has to do with green or purple Hellfire? And if that’s not it, then it might be due to some secret portal that could be hidden away anywhere in the Nine Circles of Hell? That’s … that’s a pretty broad range.”

“But it’s a start,” a familiar voice called out from the shadows.

I glanced over to see a full, curvy figure leaning up against the far wall of the room.

The woman had blonde hair, and she was wearing combat armor about as skimpy as you could possibly get. The top of the armor was made up of metallic scales that barely covered her nipples, and they were fastened to a thin piece of metal that ran up both her sides. She also had on a metal thong that was equally as scaly and just as sexy.

It was Eligor.

“I was wondering when you’d be back.” I couldn’t help but grin as I watched the knight strut over. “It feels like it’s been forever.”

“That’s because it has been,” Eligor chuckled. “Three months, to be exact. I hear you’ve been very, very busy since I’ve left.”

“He has been.” Sia stepped forward. “Jacob has been strengthening his hold on his throne by making alliances with--”

“With Asmodeus,” the knight finished. “I know, Superbia. My mistress knows everything that goes on around these parts. But now I hear you want to leave?”

“Not permanently,” I explained. “We just want to get back up to Earth Realm so I can gather my forces up there and check on how things are going.”

“And to stock up on weed and food,” Todd interjected. “No offense, Firecracker, but there’s only so much vargrat a man can eat.”

“None taken,” Gula said with a giggle.

“Besides,” I continued, “wouldn’t it be better to fight this war on two fronts, rather than only one? We could fend off Beelzebub’s army down here while at the same time eliminating his supporters on Earth.”

“I suppose,” the blonde shot back. “I’ve just never understood the appeal of Earth Realm, that’s all. It seems way more boring than life down here.”

“That all just depends on how you live,” I retorted coyly. “I know my life certainly wasn’t boring.”

Sia and Angelo started speaking to each other in Italian, and the scientist became more animated as he talked. Finally, the redheaded madame turned back to us.

“He wants to know if we have a study,” she asked. “He claims if he has access to all of our books, a quiet place to sit down and think, and something to take notes with, he can figure it out in no time at all.”

“That would be excellent,” I said with a nod. “Tell him he can take the entire east wing of the building.”

Since there were only nine of us in the castle, most of our living quarters were confined to the west side of the structure. Over on the east part of the building was where we kept our books, armory, and any other contraband items we weren’t supposed to have in Hell.

It would make a fine study for Angelo.

Sia explained the proposition to the man, and then Martatelli nodded, turned to me, and bowed. Then he turned around and dashed away toward his newfound study room.

“I hope he’s right, and he can figure this shit out quickly,” I sighed. “I really want to know how things are going back home.”

“You just miss Jane, bro,” Todd prodded. “That booty is giving you a call, and you’re tired of lettin’ it go to voicemail.”

“You have admirers on Earth Realm, too?” Eligor asked coyly.

“Jakey’s got admirers everywhere!” the Toddster boasted. “He’s like a walking, talking chick magnet. Uncle Toddy has taught him well.”

“Is that so?” the knight purred. “Maybe I’ll need to go to Earth Realm after all. Scope out the competition and all.”

“Competition?” Ira scoffed. “I’ve seen this woman plenty of times and honey, there isn’t any competition!”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” the blonde woman shot back at the succubus. “Anyways, there is a reason for my return.”

“Not just to try and get in Jacob’s pants?” Cupi snorted.

“Of course not.” Eligor rolled her eyes. “I come bearing a message from my mistress.”

“Is Lilith going to assist us?” Sia asked.

Before Eligor could answer, Libidine let out a small squeal of glee.

“Lilith?” the Sister of Lust asked like an excited child. “She’s going to be coming here and working with us? I have so much cleaning to do before she gets here, and we’ll need to take one of those old storage rooms and turn it into a bedroom and--”

“Relax, Libidine,” Eligor interrupted. “Lilith is not quite ready to publicly declare her support for Jacob. Not yet, at least.”

Libidine’s entire body slumped, and the succubus stared down at the floor and let out a deep sigh.

“Then why did she send you back?” I asked curiously. “Surely not just to tell us about how she’s being wishy-washy.”

“That’s the thing, Jacob--should I still call you that?” the knight pondered. “Or should I call you ‘King Ralston’ or ‘my liege’ or--”

“‘Jacob’ is just fine,” I promised. “Continue.”

“That’s the thing,” the blonde woman started again. “Lilith wanted me to assure you that you have her full support behind your rule and any future endeavors you’re planning. She also wanted me to thank you on her behalf. If not for you, that bastard Azazel would still be sitting firmly as Lucifer’s number two. Now that he’s worm food, my mistress is the clear second in command of the Army of the Damned.”

“If she’s so high up on the food chain,” Todd interjected, “then why doesn’t she come down here and say it to our faces?”

“Lucifer is very fickle,” Eligor explained. “He responds to one thing and one thing only. Power. And right now, as much as I hate to admit it, Jacob doesn’t have a ton of that.”

“Excuse me?” I grumbled. “I’m a fucking King of Hell! I have a massive army of Shades and cultists at my side, all led by deadly succubi.”

The blonde woman let out a deep sigh and shook her head.

“Exactly,” she continued, “you have an army of mortals, former mortals, and succubi who, no offense, are considered by the Prince of Darkness to be the lowest of the low.”

“What about Asmodeus?” I questioned. “He’s another Demon King who’s already pledged his loyalty.”

“That’s right,” she agreed, “but have you seen Asmodeus’ army? It’s all grunts. No demon generals, no demon lords, just grunts.”

“So, we need to convert some of the more powerful demons,” Superbia sighed. “I feared as much.”

“That can’t be that difficult,” I said as I turned to the redhead. “Once they see all the shit I’ve done, they’ll be lining up to follow me.”

“Yeah,” Todd mimicked, “Jakey here’s a natural-born leader. He’s got the badassness of Rambo, mixed in with the smoothness of James Bond, mixed in with the awesome kung-fu moves of motherfucking Neo!”

Eligor cocked her head to the side curiously.

“Who are those people?” she asked. “Great warriors of Earth Realm?”

“ … Yes,” Todd lied. “They’re the baddest motherfuckers in the history of Earth Realm, right next to Optimus Prime, Hulk Hogan, and Kevin Mcallister.”

“The kid from Home Alone?” I whispered to the imp.

“Would you wanna go into one of his booby-trapped houses of death?” Todd shot back. “I sure as fuck wouldn’t, bro.”

“Hm.” The blonde knight pondered. “If I ever get to Earth, I must meet these noble warriors. I’m sure they would fall to my blades, just like every other fool who dares challenge me.”

“Not if you trip on the little toy cars first,” Todd mumbled under his breath.

“You may be as powerful as these great Earth warriors, Jacob,” Eligor continued, “but until you have a true demon army at your back, Lucifer won’t even give you the time of day. And if he doesn’t care about you, then Lilith doesn’t care about you, either. At least, officially.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Sia spoke up, “but I’m with Eligor on this one. We need to get you involved with as many Demon Lords as we possibly can.”

“Which brings up a good question … ” I pondered aloud. “Where the hell are we even going to find Demon Lords? Everyone I’ve met in the Fourth Circle has been a Shade.”

“That’s because you killed them all,” Ira guffawed. “The Seventy-Two Servants were the Demon Lords who inhabited the Fourth Circle, ya know. Now that they’re all dead, it’s just the Shades, a few demonic animals, and us.”

“But we’ve traveled through four other Circles,” I shot back. “How come we haven’t encountered any of them there?”

“That’s simple,” Cupiditas interjected. “It’s because they weren’t looking for us. You and Azazel were mortal enemies, so he made sure all of his cronies were on high alert when he knew you were coming down here. Same with Beelzebub. Why do you think we were attacked by Daeva just before we found the Porta ad Inferos?”

“Honestly, we probably passed the dwellings of dozens of Demon Lords during our trip,” Liby mused. “They just didn’t give a damn because they didn’t see you as a threat.”

“Ya know, as your King, this isn’t exactly the most comforting to hear,” I chuckled, even though I was part-way serious.

“We’re in Hell, Jacob, and you’re trying to build an army to fight a bunch of powerful Demon Kings,” Cupi said sharply. “Comfort isn’t really a luxury we can afford right now.”

“So what do you suggest?” I answered with a hint of sarcasm. “Do we send out candygrams to all the ones we want to try and convince?”

“That’s a brilliant idea, bro!” Todd exclaimed. “I’ve already got so many good ideas on how to use jawbreakers, sugar daddies, ding-dongs, and mounds … ”

“You know what?” I said as I shook my head in regret. “I shouldn’t have even asked.”

“What we need is to have somebody on the inside,” Ira suggested. “Somebody who’ll blend right in with the rest of the demon crowd, somebody who has some influence and could sway those who are still on the fence about Jacob.”

“So, let me see if I’m getting this right,” I sighed and rubbed my temples in frustration. “If we want to get Lilith fully on our side, we need to amass an army of demons. To get an army of demons, we have to convince the Demon Lords to join us. But, all of the Demon Lords of our circle are dead, and I can’t just send you guys out to talk to the other ones because you’re succubi and they won’t listen to you?”

“That about covers it, actually.” Libidine nodded. “You’re so observant!”

“Think of it like a political campaign,” Ira explained. “You just have to go around to all those different lobbyists, in this case the Demon Lords, state your case, and hope they want to get behind your message.”

“Yeah,” I argued, “but on Earth Realm the people you’re campaigning for won’t burn you to a crisp with Hellfire if they don’t like what you’re saying.”

“Tell that to James Garfield,” Todd whistled.

We all grew silent and stared at the imp in confusion.

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked aloud.

“Because he was assassinated by a political opponent … ” the imp argued, but none of us were following. “I was originally going to say JFK, but I thought that’d be too dark so … you know what? The joke is dead, Jakey! Let’s just move on and pretend it never happened, bro.”

“Gladly,” I sighed.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my brow as my head began to throb. I wasn’t one to get headaches too often, but this whole situation was frustrating beyond belief.

Beelzebub and Baphomet were already allied against me, and the only thing standing between me and their army was the downright indifference of the Kings of the Sixth and Seventh Circles. Surely, those two assholes could eventually find a workaround, and they’d be at my backdoor in no time flat.

Meanwhile, what was I doing? I was going to have to go out on the fucking campaign trail.

I let out another deep sigh, turned around, and headed toward the staircase.

“Where are you going, Jacob?” Sia asked curiously.

“I … I’ve got a splitting headache,” I explained. “I don’t know if it’s from all the blows I took from Tannin, or if it’s just all the stress. I’m just gonna go lay down for a minute, but you guys stay here and see if you can come up with any ideas on how the fuck we’re going to make this work.”

“Sure thing, my love,” Cupi purred as she gave me a sultry look. “Have a good rest.”

I turned away and wandered up the stairs as quickly as I could. When I got to the second story, I passed by Tristitia laying on the couch, watching some old footage of my fight with the Archangel Uriel. We gave each other a “sup” nod, and then I continued on my way. When I passed by Invidia’s closed door, I heard the distinct sound of All-American Rejects blaring on the other side.

I finally made it to my bedchambers and was overtaken by a rush of exhaustion as I entered through the massive wooden door. I’d let Libidine handle all the interior design of the room, and the succubus didn’t disappoint.

Our “bed” consisted of two california kings pushed together to form the illusion of one large mattress. Even though the succubi all had their own quarters, most of the time they ended up sleeping in my bed at the end of the night. The only exceptions were Vidia, who liked to keep to herself, and Tris, who almost always passed out on the couch long after the rest of us went to bed.

We’d commissioned a few of the Shades to build us a canopy bed frame out of whatever wood they could find, and the results were incredible. I had no idea what kind of fucking trees they had down here in Hell, but the entire frame was constructed out of a dark red wood, almost like mahogany. Whatever it was must have been extremely sturdy, as well. We’d made love on this bed too many times to count, and it never even so much as rocked.

There were white sheer curtains draped across the poles of the frame, a perfect compliment to the satin purple sheets that sat atop the mattress. Libidine had originally wanted to go with white sheets, but we all knew better than that.

The rest of the room was fairly subtle. Against the far wall sat a wooden dresser to hold socks, underwear, and any small knick knacks I might scavenge on our adventures, and just above that was a circular window that let in the brisk breeze of the outside world. A few feet away from the dresser sat two large wardrobes, one for myself and the other for the succubi. Most of their clothing was fairly skimpy, so it was able to all fit into one wardrobe.

On the opposite side of the bed was a small loveseat carved out of some sort of ivory or bone. It was one of the few leftovers from Azazel’s reign, but it looked way too badass to just throw away. Completing the room was a large, silver chandelier that hung from the very center of the ceiling and illuminated the darkness with candles aglow with red Hellfire.

It may not have been much, but it was our room.

I yanked off my shirt and pants, tossed them into a pile near the dresser, and dragged myself over to the shower for a quick rinse. When I was done less than five minutes later, I flopped down into the comfy embrace of the bed. The sheets felt incredible against my still-aching body, and the pillows surrounded my head as if they were made out of pure clouds. I closed my eyes and felt myself starting to drift off to sleep.

Then I heard the knocking.

At first, I tried to ignore the pounding on the door. I rolled to the side, forced the pillow around my ears, and tried to get comfy once more.

But the noise kept getting louder and louder.

I rolled out of bed, walked over to the entrance, and wrapped my hand around the large black knob. Then I gave it a twist and flung the door open in a huff.

“What’s going on?” I demanded. “Did you--”

It was Eligor.

Her bright blue eyes shined back at me for a moment, and then they slowly began to wander around my scantily-clad figure.

“I was just uh … ” the knight mused, obviously distracted. “I just wanted to come up and apologize. I know the news I brought you wasn’t exactly great and it caused more problems than it did solutions. I just … I didn’t want to leave on bad terms.”

“Leave?” I questioned. “You just got here.”

“I know,” the knight sighed. “My duty was to deliver Lilith’s message, and that task is completed. I’m going to be heading out soon, but I wanted to come and apologize first.”

“Why don’t you stay?” I blurted out before my brain could process what I was thinking. “It’s, uh … it’s a long haul back to, uh … wherever you’re going.”

Eligor quirked an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest.

“You don’t even know where I’m headed to, do you?” She smirked. “You have no idea where Lilith lives.”

“What can I say?” I conceded. “I may be a King of the Fourth Circle, but I’m still a rookie at this whole ‘Heaven vs. Hell’ thing. At least, compared to the guys who’ve been around for thousands of years I am.”

“I’d say you’ve done pretty good for yourself so far,” the blonde woman retorted with a gleam in her deep blue eyes. “Maybe you just need an advisor to help get you up to speed?”

“Maybe an advisor who has ties to the second-highest ranking demon in the Chain of Being?” I asked not-so-subtly. “One who has incredible knowledge of how things work down here, and who could play the political game for me? Someone like that would be great, but I don’t even know where we’d ever find them … ”

Eligor rolled her eyes.

“You know I can’t do that,” she sighed. “As much as I’d love to be your representative and help you get the other Demon Lords on your side, I’m too well-known in this world. They would see me and automatically assume it meant one of two things. Either A, Lilith has devoted herself to your cause, and that would mean very bad things for her. Or B, I’ve betrayed Lilith’s wishes and committed an act of open treason against my mistress. That ends with my head on a spike on her trophy wall.”

“Then what about just the advisor part?” I was now nearly pleading. “The succubi are fabulous, but their knowledge is limited to what they’ve heard second hand, or from what little bit of freedom Azazel and Earl let them have. You know just about everything there is to know about the inner workings of Hell.”

“And what would that look like, even?” the knight pushed. “Would I be staying here most of the time? How would I split my time with Lilith?”

“If Lilith really is as enamored with me as you claim she is, then she doesn’t really have much of a choice,” I answered. “She’s not going to blow the whistle on you, because then her secret would be out. And that would lead to some very bad things for her, right?”

“I suppose that’s correct,” Eligor mused. “I guess I’ve never seen it that way before.”

“So then stay,” I asked again. “You can still serve Lilith, but first, we can figure out a solution to this whole mess together.”

“Together?” the knight purred as a smile crept up her lips. “What exactly do you mean by ‘together?’”

I didn’t have anything else clever to say to Eligor, so I just showed her what I meant. I wrapped my hand around the small of the knight’s back and pulled her in close. Then I pressed my lips against hers, and she responded with a deep moan of satisfaction.

Our tongues explored each others’ mouths as we started to make our way over to the bed.

Eligor raised up her leg behind her and pushed the door shut with a loud bang. Then she shoved me down onto the bed and began to unfasten her armor.

“You know I’ve taken a vow of celibacy, right?” she chuckled. “You’d better be as good as I’ve heard you are.”

“A vow of celibacy?” I asked coyly. “With armor like that?”

“Trust me,” the beautiful blonde shot back, “this may leave little to the imagination, but what actually lies beneath is beyond your wildest dreams.”

Eligor unfastened the snaps on her side, and the metallic plating of her chest piece fell away. Underneath was a set of dark red nipples that stood pert atop her massive, perky breasts. They hung down as she tore off her metal boots, flung them to the side, and then came back up for her panties. Eligor’s breasts bounced happily as she wiggled her hips and slid the armor off her bottom.

I was currently in nothing but my boxers, and the thin plaid fabric was next to worthless at hiding my erection.

Then again, that was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

Eligor’s blue eyes grew hungry as she stared at the massive tent I’d just pitched. She strutted over to where I was laying, bent over, and slowly tugged off my boxers. The knight gasped when my erection almost hit her in the face, but then she bit her lip and marveled at what she saw.

“I have to warn you,” she admitted as she tossed my underwear to the side, “I’m probably going to be a bit rusty at this. I’ve been under my vows for, well … let’s just say a long time.”

“I’ll make up for your shortcomings,” I joked back with a wink.

“Excuse me?” Eligor gasped. “I’ll show you, ‘my liege.’”

The blonde woman walked over to me, spread her legs open so she was straddling me, and then slowly eased herself down onto my cock. Her eyes filled with concern when she got about halfway down, but then she bit her lip and forced herself to take the rest. Once Eligor was all the way down onto my erection, her eyes rolled back into her head, and she let out a satisfied groan.

“That’s … holy fuck,” she nearly whimpered.

My legs were still dangling off the side of the bed, so I sat up and pulled Eligor’s lips against mine. I ran one of my hands through her blonde locks as we made out, and I let the other wander around her naked body.

The knight began to brush her gentle hand along my back as she moved her hips up and down on my dick. She kept a slow pace at first, and the two of us simply stayed in this position, enjoying each other, for as long as we could before we got down to the hardcore stuff.

Eligor must have eventually gotten antsy, because the next thing I knew she pulled away, gave me a flirty smile, and then shoved me back down so I was flat on my back. The knight then flicked her golden locks back behind her body, arched her back, and began to ride me vigorously.

I let out a moan of intense pleasure as I watched her huge breasts jiggle up and down with each thrust and felt her walls tightening around my dick. A familiar, warm tingle began to spread through my abdomen, and I knew if we kept going like this, it would all be over too soon.

I wasn’t going to let our fun time be cut short.

In a rapid series of motions, I sat up, grabbed Eligor around the waist, and then flipped us over so I was on top of her.

The blonde let out a shriek of glee, laughed, and then pressed her soft lips against mine. She wrapped her legs around my lower body and released a series of soft, muffled moans as I began to thrust slowly.

Despite her rough personality and the “hard as nails” persona she always portrayed, Eligor’s body was softer than the finest silk, and her touch was as tender as any I’d ever felt. Our bodies continued to mingle for a bit longer, but then she gently tapped me on the shoulder.

“Jacob?” she asked. “I … I have a request.”

“Oh?” I panted as I stopped my motions.

“It’s just that … I’ve fantasized about this for a long time now,” she purred and bit her lip. “Would you … you know what? I’ll just show you.”

Eligor pulled her body away from mine, and I slid out gracefully. Then the blonde woman flipped over so she was on her stomach, arched her back, and stuck her curvy ass up in the air.

She was right, she didn’t need to say another word.

I stood up on my knees, wrapped my hands around her waist, and gently slid myself into her from behind.

Eligor released a few hurried gasps as I slid her pussy lips all the way down to the base of my cock.

I made sure I was gentle at first, and I glided in and out of her wetness in a slow, rhythmic pattern.

Our sounds of pleasure mixed together in perfect harmony as I made love to the blonde woman. I started to go a little bit harder, and Eligor’s noises grew into pleasureful grunts. What finally sent her over the edge was when I reached around and started to play with her clitorus at the same time.

“Ohhhh, Jacob!” she gasped as her walls began to spasm around my dick. “I-I’m going to--ohhhhhhhh!”

Eligor could do nothing but moan intensely as she orgasmed, and her warm walls clenched around my cock.

The sight of her tight, curvy ass bouncing, mixed with the sounds of her climax, brought me to my breaking point. I pushed myself as far inside as I could go, let out a long, low moan, and released my orgasm inside of her.

Then I pulled out of Eligor, fell onto my side, and rolled over onto my back.

The blonde knight was still laying with her face against the pillow, and her hair was completely matted up as she panted like she was about to pass out. Finally, she fell down onto her toned tummy and turned her head so she could look me in the eyes.

“That was worth it,” she said with a grin. “Fuck my vows.”

“You know,” I mused, “your request really wasn’t that weird. Now Ira’s? Those are fucking weird.”

“I just wasn’t sure how you’d respond to me ordering you around,” she admitted. “In my fantasies, it always seemed to work.”

“Fantasies?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

Eligor rolled over onto her back, and her breasts heaved up and down on her chest with each breath.

“Just because I had a vow of celibacy doesn’t mean I didn’t think about it.” She smiled. “I’m still a girl with needs, you know.”

“Well, I think those needs have been satisfied,” I shot back coyly.

“For now,” she admitted with a shrug. “But I’m hoping this is only the first of many.”

“So, does that mean you’ll stay?” I asked hopefully.

Eligor looked me deep in the eyes, and I could tell she was somewhat disheartened by what she was about to say.

“I’ll stay for a bit longer,” she promised. “At least until we’ve gotten your army built up somewhat. But then, I’m afraid I’ll have to return to Lilith. She is still my mistress, after all.”

“Then it’s very, very important we get her on my side,” I said with a nod. “Who knows? Maybe she’ll release you from your servitude or something when that happens?”

“Doubtful,” Eligor sighed, “but I love that you’re thinking positive. Ya know, Cupi was right … ”

“About what?” I questioned.

“She warned me if I came up here to talk with you, I’d end up sleeping with you,” she chuckled. “She was completely right.”

Eligor and I snuggled in bed for a few more minutes, and then we got out of bed, got dressed, and decided to head back down to where the rest of the group was gathered. As we entered the main room of the castle, we saw Todd and the entire Circle of Sin were waiting for us.

They had moved all the furniture around so they were in a makeshift circle, almost like something you’d see at an alcoholic’s anonymous meeting.

When Todd saw us, he let out a long wolf whistle.

“How’s it going, Vlad?” he asked giddily.

“Vlad?” I asked, even though I knew I’d regret it.

“Fuck yeah, Vlad,” the imp snickered. “You just got done impaling her, right?”

The room went silent as we all stared at Todd. The imp slapped his hand against his head and rubbed at his small tuft of hair vigorously.

“Dad jokes?” he mused. “What … what am I? I think this lack of weed is really fucking with my head, bro.”

“It’s alright, Todd,” I reassured the imp. “As soon as Martatelli figures out how to get us back to Earth, your supply will be renewed.”

“It better be,” Todd sighed and hung his head. “What’s next? Fucking knock-knock jokes?”

“Ha!” Cupi snickered and prodded Gula. “I was right, Sister. Time to pay up.”

“Yeah, yeah … ” Gula mumbled. “I guess I owe you a free meal.”

“A free meal of my choice,” the blonde succubus corrected. “At any time I want it.”

I frowned. “Did you bet on if we were going to hook up or not?”

Cupi placed her hand against her chest and made a hurt expression.

“Me? Do that?” she giggled. “Never.”

“Uh-huh,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “What did you guys figure out? It looks like you have a whole little pow-wow going on down here.”

“We think we’ve found a solution to our problem,” Sia spoke up. “It might be a little unorthodox, and it might be dangerous, but if it works, we can begin filling our army with Demon Lord generals.”

“I like the sound of that,” I laughed as I sat down in one of the empty chairs. “Hit me with it.”

“Well,” Libidine spoke up, “we first thought we could beat a few of them into submission. But then we realized that would only sow hatred toward you, not true loyalty.”

“Machiavelli.” I nodded. “Better to be loved than feared.”

“Isn’t that the Chef Boyardee guy?” Todd interjected. “I had no idea he was a philosopher, too.”

“So, we got to thinking,” Ira continued, completely ignoring Todd’s comment, “how do we get Demon Lords to fall in line behind you without resorting to violence? A whisper campaign!”

“Ugh,” I sighed, “does that mean I have to go out on the ‘campaign trail’ after all?”

The Sister of Wrath shook her head.

“No, no,” she explained. “A whisper campaign is where you start a rumor about somebody and tell it to people in private. Then it usually spreads like the fire I use on my crotch, until everybody believes the rumors to be true.”

“I’m not even going to justify that with a comment,” I admitted. “But I thought those kind of things were usually to hurt your political opponent, right?”

“It’d be a ‘reverse whisper campaign,’” Ira said with a shrug. “We get people to go out and spread rumors about how awesome you are and hope some of the Demon Lords believe it.”

“It’s the perfect plan, dude,” Tris interjected. “You just speak a few words, tell someone else to go spread the rumors, and then you sit back and reap the rewards with a beer in one hand and a doobie in the other.”

“How’s that going to work, though?” I questioned. “Everybody knows you’re my succubi, and Eligor can’t publicly advocate for me yet. They’ll know it’s made up. Besides, why would they turn to me if they’re already serving the other Demon Kings?”

“They may ‘serve’ the Demon Kings,” Superbia interjected, “but that does not mean they are loyal to their masters. Much like a succubus, many Demon Lords are seen as inferior, and are treated as such. In fact, it’s not uncommon for a Demon Lord to be tortured and abused by their masters, so they might be willing to change sides if we present them with a compelling enough offer.”

“Brooooo, that’s it!” Todd exclaimed as he slapped me on the back harshly. “We just gotta Moneyball it.”

“Moneyball?” Ira asked curiously.

Todd sat up as his eyes went wide.

“You’ve never heard of Moneyball?” he gasped. “That’s like, the greatest Brad Pitt movie ever made!”

“Huh,” I mused, “I totally would have pegged you for a Fight Club or a Ocean’s Eleven or an Inglourious Basterds sorta guy.”

“Nah, bro,” the imp said with a wag of his finger. “Moneyball’s where it’s at. That fat dude from Superbad totally should have won the Oscar for the masterpiece of a performance he put on.”

“Again,” Ira sighed, “what’s Moneyball?”

“It’s a business strategy, Crazy Eyes,” Todd continued.

“I’m listening…” Superbia’s tone changed to one of intrigue.

“You go after the players, or in our case, demons, who are flawed,” the imp explained. “Buuuutttt, despite their sometimes major issues, they have that ‘it’ factor that can win the game for you. You just gotta strategize so their weaknesses are shored up by another player’s strengths!”

“So you’re going after the outcasts,” Ira said with a nod. “The ones most other Demon Kings wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole or the ones who have been cast aside.”

“Bingo, baby!” Todd clapped his hands together excitedly. “We want the outcasts, the murderers, the backstabbers, and everyone in between.”

“Are you familiar with Mephistopheles?” Superbia spoke up. “He fits the bill perfectly.”

“Ohhhh, that guy!” Todd perked up. “The dude from that old German folktale who goes around and tries to persuade mortals to sin.”

“He’s more than a folktale, Todd,” the redhead continued. “He’s a real demon, the ‘Master of Whispers,’ to be precise.”

“Mephisto would be a valuable ally,” Libidine added. “Who better to try and persuade other Demon Lords than the one whose sole purpose in life is to convince people to do things they don’t want to do?”

“Okay, then you probably know what my next question is … ” I retorted.

“How will we get him on our side?” Gula spoke up proudly. “We’ve already thought of that.”

“Moneyball, bro,” Todd reminded me.

“Mephisto is currently being punished,” Sia mused. “He started a particularly nasty rumor about Gressil, the King of the Sixth Circle.”

“The rumor was Gressil likes men,” Todd whispered into my ear. “I heard that one all the way back on Earth Realm.”

“That would be the one,” Superbia said with a nod. “As punishment, Gressil locked Mephisto away in a tomb with his greatest fear.”

Eligor stood up suddenly.

“If we free Mephisto from his imprisonment, he’ll pledge his loyalty to Jacob,” the blonde knight finished. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go save this demon’s sorry ass.”

“We?” I couldn’t help but grin as the word left my mouth.

“Yes, ‘we,’” Eligor sighed. “We’re all in this together now.”

“Excellent,” I agreed. “Let’s go save a Demon Lord.”

Chapter 13

“Passing through the Fifth Circle of Hell unauthorized?” Eligor mused as our boat floated toward the cave at the edge of the Fourth Circle. “Right after you went in and killed one of Baphomet’s beloved pets? You’ve got bigger balls than I thought, Jacob. And now that we both know I’ve seen them, that’s saying something.”

“Baphomet won’t be an issue,” Superbia announced as she shot the knight an annoyed look. “The King of the Fifth Circle is used to living the easy life, considering his Shades were all trapped underneath the surface of the eternal swamp. Now that Jacob has gone and freed a portion of his Shades, he’ll be trying to corral the chaos.”

“Which means he won’t be bothering us,” I finished. “At least, as long as we don’t go looking for trouble, that is.”

We entered the darkness of the cave and then immediately hit the swirling rapids inside.

This time, Eligor was able to dispel the deadly formations with a quick blast of light green Hellfire. The second her spell hit the water, the rapids began to slow, and then they disappeared completely.

Our boat passed over the now-silent surface until we eventually made it through the glowing green portal at the end of the tunnel. Then the familiar smell of sulfuric swamp greeted us, and I realized we were safely in the Fifth Circle.

“Awww,” Todd mumbled, “I really wanted to go on the river rapid ride. Sure, there’s the risk of a violent and painful death, but isn’t that what most rides are, anyway?”

“That sounds pretty philosophical,” I joked as I scanned the landscape. “Are you sure you’re not high?”

“Dude,” Tris spoke up, “if there was even a teensy-tiny chance there was weed available to us, don’t you think I’d be high as a cloud right now?”

“I don’t doubt it,” I chuckled. “Now, we need to find this waterfall you keep telling me about. Any ideas?”

Eligor and Superbia both explained to me the entrance to the Sixth Circle sat behind a waterfall somewhere on the outer rim of the Fifth Circle’s swamp. Neither of them had seen it in person, but they had enough knowledge of our target that I brought them along on this mission.

That, and the fact that Eligor was one of the best fighters on my team, with her dual-wielded swords and her powerful environmental magic.

Likewise, Superbia had the golden touch of a healer, and that always came in handy whenever we were journeying into a deadly new territory.

Tris and Todd? They were along because, despite not being the greatest warriors, they were excellent puzzle solvers.

Our boat was packed fuller than a can of sardines, but the value everyone in it brought to the table was well worth the discomfort.

I was surrounded by a bunch of amazing friends, some great lovers, and fearsome, brilliant warriors. Sometimes I needed to sit back and pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t just dozing on my shitty mattress back in Albuquerque, dreaming up everything that’s happened in the last few years.

“Maybe my eyes deceive me, bro,” Todd pondered as he glanced down into the swampy water, “but does this whole place feel a lot more … empty to you?”

I looked over the edge of the boat and gasped in shock.

Down below the surface of the water, where the tortured Shades normally resided, it was empty. There were several empty hospital beds in the swamp, but their occupants were long gone.

“Do you think the other Shades came back and freed their friends?” Sia pondered aloud.

“I fucking hope so.” I grinned at the redhead. “If every single Shade in the Fifth Circle is free of their torments, then Baphomet has his work cut out for him. Which might also mean we’ve given ourselves a bit of extra time before Beelzebub’s forces come knocking at our door.”

As we continued through the swampy water, my theory was proven correct. The sector that normally housed car crash victims was full of nothing but empty vehicles and a few blood-stained chunks of pavement. The part of the Fifth Circle dedicated to those who were burned at the stake had a handful of flaming poles, but no Shades. It was like this everywhere we went, and we spent the next hour or so navigating through Baphomet’s domain as we tried to find the entrance to the next Circle.

As our boat floated through the sector with guillotine executions, an overpowering foul stench filled my nostrils. It smelled like a mixture of rotting flesh, body odor, and vomit, and I had to physically hold down the bile in my stomach as I gagged horrifically.

Todd wasn’t as lucky, and he threw his head over the side of the dinghy as he unleashed this morning’s breakfast into the water below. He pulled up, wiped his mouth, and shuddered.

“I guess that’s one way to chum the water,” he proclaimed.

“Oh lord … ” Eligor gasped as she threw her hand over her lips. “Why?”

“That’s just how he talks,” Superbia said with a chortle. “If you want to be a member of Jacob’s team, you’d better get used to it.”

I searched around for whatever could be causing the horrific smell, and my eyes caught the sight of a massive, leathery blob off on the horizon.

It was Tannin.

The dead creature had chunks ripped out of his corpse, and he was floating in a soup of his own viscera. An intestine nearly twenty-feet long trailed behind his body like a gruesome tail as the bloated, gas-filled body of the monster passed us by. Once it was closer, the smell became unbearable.

I held my breath, pinched my nose shut, and ordered Charon’s boat to get us the fuck out of there as quickly as we could. As soon as we were a few hundred feet away from the body, I released my breath and sucked in the air around me.

It was still putrid from the smell of the decomposing creature, but at least it was breathable.

“This is even better than I thought!” Sia exclaimed.

“Uh, you call that ‘better?’” I asked as I motioned back at Tannin’s body. “I think I’m going to be rinsing that smell out of my nose for the next month. Unless Hell carries some fucking industrial strength neti pots … ”

“Tannin was one of Baphomet’s favorite pets,” the redhead continued. “If he’s left its body to float around and rot without proper care, that means he must be overwhelmed with his Shades. I doubt he’s even had a moment to stop and rest!”

“I couldn’t wish it on a better person,” I admitted. “Speaking of the Shades, where the fuck are they all? We’ve been here for nearly an hour, and I haven’t seen a single one.”

“They’ve probably all migrated to dry land,” Eligor explained. “If I were them, I wouldn’t want to stay in this cursed water any longer than I had to.”

“Wait … ” I questioned aloud. “There’s land in the Fifth Circle?”

“Of course there is,” Eligor guffawed. “What, did you think Baphomet built his castle in the middle of a swamp?”

“Yeah, bro,” Todd added. “Monty Python warned us all.”

“It’s Hell,” I shot back coyly. “There could be a fucking castle made out of raindrops floating above the clouds for all I know!”

“If all the Shades are on dry land,” Superbia explained, “and Baphomet’s still trying to deal with them all, we should be able to explore without incident.”

The succubus madame was right. We continued our search for the fabled waterfall for at least another hour, until we finally reached a small section of the Circle reserved for people who’d been stabbed to death.

My eyes caught the brief flash of red Hellfire off in the distance, and at first I feared we were under attack. However, I noticed something different about this spell. The thing I was staring at off in the distance wasn’t a fireball or a twister of incendiary fire like I’d seen so many demons use before. Instead, it was flowing downward, and steam was rising off the water in droves.

“Guys,” I said as I pointed to the inferno, “I think I just found our waterfall.”

I guided our dinghy over to where the steam was coming from and, sure enough, there was a literal waterfall of Hellfire.

“Ahhhhh,” Tris moaned as she leaned her head back. “All this steam is gonna be so good for my pores. I can already feel the stress melting away like butter.”

“I’m feeling the polar opposite right now,” I sighed.

The heat from the roaring inferno was so intense I had to stop the boat nearly half a mile out. At the bottom of the falls, the water appeared to be boiling as it bubbled intensely. The steam around the base of the formation was so thick it nearly clouded our view, and I could feel myself beginning to perspire from the sheer humidity in the air.

“How the fuck are we going to get around that?” Todd asked. “I’m already sweatin’ balls just staring at it.”

“Well,” I noted as I summoned purple Hellfire into my right hand, “there’s always this. It’s an oldie, but a goodie.”

I held out my open palm, aimed at the top of the waterfall, and created a large wall of violet flames directly beneath the cascade of red.

My shield cut through the fire, but it didn’t cut it off like I’d hoped. Instead, the flames split apart, washed over the barrier in two different directions, and fell down into the water below. There, just through the parted flames, was another large green portal.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to marvel for long.

I fell to my knees as the intense weight of the spell beared down on my shield, and then I let out a grunt of frustration as I was forced to release my spell.

“Fucking hell,” I grumbled. “It’s too heavy for me to hold on my own.”

“Let me try,” Superbia suggested as she stood up beside me. “This formation is made up of a powerful enchantment, so perhaps a bit of fear magic will do the trick.”

The succubus madame closed her eyes as she called forth black Hellfire into her hands. Then, in one fell swoop, she opened her eyes, clapped her hands together, and blasted a massive beam of dark magic at the waterfall.

It struck the cascading red flames, engulfed the entire structure with its shimmer, and slowed the rolling fire down as if it were moving in slow motion. However, it still continued to move.

Sia finally released her spell and crossed her arms in front of her body.

“It’s too strong for me,” she pouted as she sat back down.

“Let me try something,” Tris offered. “It’s not much, but it just might work.”

Without moving from her seat, the Sister of Sloth called forth orange Hellfire into her left hand, twisted around, and shot it off into the swampy depths. She held her spell for only a second or two, and then she turned back, placed her hands behind her head, and leaned back with a smirk.

Off in the distance, I saw something racing toward us. Something big. My nose was again assaulted with the mixture of rotting flesh and vomit, and I knew what Tris had just done.

She’d resurrected Tannin and planned to use him as a sort of a human shield against the flames.

The undead sea monster shot past our position, leapt up into the air, and hurled himself directly into the roaring fire.

I briefly started to move our boat forward, but then I halted immediately when I saw Tannin’s entire body burst into flames.

Within seconds, there was nothing left of the monster besides ash. And an overwhelming stench of burned, rotting flesh.

“Huh,” Tris mused. “I totally thought that was gonna work. Oh well.”

I watched the ashes of the sea creature as they fluttered down, landed on the water, and immediately sizzled and evaporated.

Then inspiration hit me.

“The water,” I gasped.

“I know, Jakey,” Todd interjected, “the water’s all filled with stinky fish blood now. I--”

“No,” I interrupted and turned to Eligor. “We can use the water to try and put out the flames.”

“Put them out?” the blonde knight scoffed. “Jacob, there’s no ‘putting out’ that thing. Especially not just with simple water.”

“It’s worth a shot, isn’t it?” I argued.

Eligor pondered my words for a minute, and then she shrugged. The scantily-clad woman raised her hands into the air, engulfed them with lime green Hellfire, and concentrated.

The water around us began to shimmer and quake, and then a giant geyser of swampy liquid blasted up from directly underneath the fiery cascade. The air around us was filled with a violent sizzling as the knight fought against the onslaught of Hellfire. Eligor’s geyser was only able to dispel the flames for a few feet before it completely evaporated into hissing steam.

“We need to work together,” I demanded. “Sia, use your black magic!”

The redheaded madame nodded, and then she blasted the waterfall with her fear spell. The cascading flames slowed to a trickle, and Eligor’s geyser suddenly lurched further up the pillar of Hellfire.

“It’s working!” the knight gasped.

“Not quite,” I sighed. “We still need to be able to pass through. As it stands right now, we’d just get blown up into the fire. Let’s see if this helps at all.”

I created a barrier of purple Hellfire between the geyser and the falling Hellfire, and I was instantly driven back down to my knees.

It may have been slow as molasses thanks to Sia’s spell, but it was still heavy as fuck.

“I’ve got it, Jacob!” Eligor exclaimed and made a twirling motion with her glowing hands.

Her geyser split into two smaller, thinner beams of water, and then they shot up and wrapped around my platform. Steam erupted into the air as the two elements fought, but it finally worked.

We had a clear pathway to the Sixth Circle, and we needed to take it right now.

“Everybody hold on!” I commanded. “We’re going in.”

I raised up my other hand and ordered the dinghy to go forward as fast as it possibly could. The little boat lurched forward as it made a b-line for the green portal in front of our faces. Though it was closing the gap quickly, a speed boat this was not.

An intense wave of heat rushed over us as we passed under the waterfall of pure Hellfire. All three of us were straining under its might, but our spells continued to hold up. Finally, we passed through the interdimensional portal on the other side.

For a brief moment, I felt myself traveling across the different planes of existence. My body felt weightless, almost as if I were laying in a giant pool of gelatin and my soul had been separated from my body again. Then, as soon as it had begun, I felt myself return to my Earthly body.

My eyes snapped open, and I was met with a large, barren landscape.

Our boat was still floating on the River of Souls, but the land all around us was composed of nothing but dirt, dead grass, and a few trees off in the distance.

“So, this is the Sixth Circle … ” I mused as I took in our surroundings. “I gotta say, it’s par for the course.”

There was a sandy patch of land just north of our position, so I guided our vessel over and docked it on the beach. The five of us got out carefully and then made our way toward the empty environment.

The sky above us was a dull orange, and its glow engulfed every blade of dead grass in a light that made it look even deader.

“Talk about a buzzkill,” Todd whistled. “Ya know, the only thing that would make this place more depressing is if there were--”

“Gravestones, dude,” Tris muttered in awe.

“I was gonna say ‘a puppy you just yelled at,’” the imp admitted. “But yours works, too.”

“That’s totally not what I mean,” the Sister of Sloth sighed and pointed a few feet away from our position. “There are literal gravestones all around us.”

I walked over to where Tris was pointing and sure enough, there sat a large cement headstone that read Boris Charklov- Head of the Higher Powers Church.

“Hey, I remember that guy,” Todd noted as he wiped some dirt off the tombstone. “Wasn’t he the one who tried to get his followers to burn down all the monasteries across Europe?”

“You obviously already know the answer to that,” I laughed and shook my head. “I doubt there are many other Boris Charklovs out there who have their own cult.”

“The Sixth Circle is going to be full of these,” Sia explained. “This is the Circle where all the heretics come to spend eternity. As you can probably imagine, there have been millions over the years.”

“Then how are we going to find Mephisto?” I asked as I rubbed my brow and sighed. “We don’t have time to dig through fifty million graves.”

“That’s why I’m here, bro,” Todd announced. “Mephisto was one of the demons I read a fuckton about in college. The way we find him is by invoking one of his conjuring spells. Plain and simple. Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.”

“You know this spell by heart?” Eligor sounded unconvinced.

“Ye have little faith, Goldilocks,” the imp shot back. “Tell her, Jakey.”

“Todd knows an awful lot of occult stuff,” I admitted. “If he says he knows the spell, then I trust he knows the spell.”

Todd put his hands against his cheeks and grinned.

“Awww, Jakey,” he joked, “you’re gonna make me blush. Now, the way we--”

The imp’s words were cut off by a blood-curdling scream that arose from the ground beneath us. Todd let out a high-pitched gasp, jumped about three feet into the air, and turned invisible. The next thing I knew, I felt his tiny body clinging to my leg like a scared kitten.

“What the fuck was that?” I asked as a shiver ran down my spine.

“That’s their punishment,” Eligor explained. “Heretics are sealed into tombs filled with red Hellfire, and then they spend the rest of eternity lying in a coffin, slowly burning.”

“Metal as fuck,” Todd’s disembodied voice whistled. “Also, those droplets in the dirt over there? Totally just my sweat. I most certainly didn’t piss myself when I heard the scream that will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.”

I shook the imp off my leg, and he reappeared in a flash.

“Alright, so how do we make this spell happen?” I grilled the Toddster. “Do we need to get a sample of Mephisto’s DNA? Or is it one of those where we stand in a circle and chant in Latin?”

“Neither, bro,” the imp explained. “This one is pretty simple. The summoner cuts their hand open, smears their own blood on their mouth, and then asks the Master of Whispers to ‘bring him home.’ Sooooo, do I got a volunteer?”

“I wish Ira were here,” Sia sighed. “She would be all over this task.”

“Ehhhh,” Todd screeched. “I’m kinda glad she isn’t. I’m all for free love and different strokes for different folks and all that, but Crazy Eyes makes it awkward sometimes.”

“There is no way in Hell I’m going to let somebody cut open my hand!” Tris protested. “I’m still nursing the last bit of weed in my system, and I’ll be damned if somebody’s gonna ruin my mini-mini-mini high.”

While my friends continued to debate the issue, I reached down, unsheathed my goat-headed dagger, and raised it up to my hand. I pressed the very tip of the jagged edge against my open palm until it drew blood, and then I dragged it across horizontally to make a deeper cut. It hurt like a bitch, but it was a small price to pay to build my army.

“There,” I announced. “Now, what do I need to say to make this work?”

“Well, well, well,” Todd clicked his tongue. “Look at Mr. Badass over there. Seriously, I couldn’t do that to my hand. It’d hurt to wank for weeks, and the Toddster can’t be out of commission for that long.”

“Dare I ask why?” Eligor questioned with a grossed-out look on her face.

“It’s not like you’ll die if you don’t touch yourself, Todd,” Tris explained.

“Geeze, Jakey,” Todd snickered as he slapped my leg. “For being sexy demon women, they really don’t understand men’s anatomy. Everybody knows your balls explode if you let ‘em fill up too much, and the Toddster’s not gonna be hanging a dried up feedbag, if ya get my drift.”

“That’s … that’s not how it works at all,” I chuckled through the pain of my throbbing hand.

“The public school system has failed you, bro,” Todd sighed. “Thankfully, your bestie’s here to set you straight. Now, how much Latin do you remember?”

“Enough,” I assured the imp. “What do I need to say?”

Todd cleared his throat and raised his finger into the air.

“It’s simple, but you gotta do the blood smear first,” he explained.

I raised up my bloody hand and slapped it over my mouth. The taste of my own iron blood kissed my lips, and I had to fight down the urge to lick my lips and get it off.

“Okay, I did the blood smear,” I retorted, “now what?”

“Now you must ask Mephisto, the Master of Whispers, to lead the way,” Todd continued. “It’s gonna feel real strange at first, but if you just sit back and let it happen, it’ll be golden.”

“Uh … is Mephisto gonna show up and violate me?” I asked with a smidge of concern in my voice.

“Of course not, bro!” Todd snapped. “Get your mind outta the gutter. Now, just ask Mephisto real nicely if he’ll guide you to his grave. In Latin. And make sure you really mean it deep down in your soul, or he’s not gonna come.”

“Here goes nothing … ” I announced as I sucked in a deep breath.

I looked up into the orange-tinted sky and began to mutter to myself in Latin. I was kinda winging the whole thing, but I was finally able to say something along the lines of “Oh great Whisperer of Hell, please guide me to your illustrious presence. Lead me with your unsurpassed knowledge of all things demonic, and watch over us as we journey through the Sixth Circle.”

Suddenly, I felt a dull throbbing in my feet, followed immediately by a wave of warmth that started at my heels and shot up through each of my legs. When I finally finished uttering the words, I opened my eyes, looked down at my lower body, and gasped.

It was completely covered with green Hellfire, but the spell wasn’t my own.

The telekinetic force pressed against the very muscles in my legs, and soon I found them moving on their own.

“What the--” I tried to ask the imp, but I was already nearly twenty feet away from my friends.

“ … And he’s mobile!” Todd exclaimed. “After him!”

The imp was right, this was a really strange sensation. My brain was consciously aware of what my legs were doing, but it couldn’t do anything to stop it. No matter how hard I tried to convince my lower appendages to slow down or stop, they just kept moving at a steady pace, guided by an unseen force.

I could hear the beating wings of the succubi and Eligor as they flew behind me and tried to keep up. My light jog soon became a full-on sprint, and my heart pounded in my chest as the adrenaline took over my body. I had no idea how this shit worked. Was I going to get tired from all this running? Was Mephisto controlling my brain, or just my legs? For all I knew, this whole thing could be a trap, and we could be led straight off a cliff or into a burning pit or something far worse.

I guess I had to heed Todd’s advice, sit back, and go along with the ride.

The spell made me sprint across the barren landscape for at least a mile, then it finally changed to a leisurely pace. I was sweating profusely underneath the breastplate of my armor, and my legs felt like they were on fire.

“I think that’s your cardio for the day, Jakey,” Todd whistled as my friends finally caught up.

“I think that’s enough cardio for the rest of his life,” Tris snorted. “It’s definitely way more than I’ve ever done.”

“I-it just took over,” I panted and bent down to place my hands on my knees. “It’s like I wasn’t in control of my body whatsoever.”

“That’s because you were not,” Sia explained. “Textbook cognitive spell. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised the Master of Whispers was also a master at mind control.”

“So, he can control our minds?” I questioned. “That seems like it might be a problem down the line.”

“There’s a catch with that kind of magic,” the redhead continued. “Unlike Libidine’s spell, which simply works by making eye contact, cognitive magic can only be used when the entity invites it in. As you just did with your incantation. Once it’s in control, however, it can only be released by the spellcaster.”

“So, Mephisto is in my mind right now?” I gasped.

Eligor gave me a grim nod. “Yes, but don’t worry,” she reassured, “he won’t do anything foolish with your body at the moment. He needs us to get him out of his tomb.”

“I thought mind control didn’t work on other demons?” I questioned as my legs started to glow once more.

The glowing green spell guided me over toward a mass grave site, where thousands of tombs were spread out across the dirt like a giant tic-tac-toe board.

“Cognitive magic does,” Sia continued. “That’s why it’s so dangerous, and why we must tread carefully when it comes to Mephisto.”

“It’s also why he’s known as the Master of Whispers,” Eligor added. “He’s extremely good at convincing people to let him into their minds.”

Suddenly, my legs came to a halt.

Before me stood a life-sized human statue made out of some sort of blackened metal. It stood about six feet tall upon its pedestal, but for some reason the entire back half of the installation was hollowed out. The man’s face looked like it was stretched out into an expression of horror, and I noticed the spots where the eyes and the mouth should be were little more than large holes. To top it all off, small trails of smoke fluttered off its form with a hiss.

Immediately next to the statue was a humongous stone tomb whose lid jutted a foot out of the ground and had a large “M” carved into its front. Just underneath the letter was an engraving of Latin text so worn it nearly blended in with the stone of the sarcophagus.

Then I heard it.

From the inside of the tomb came a series of muffled whispers.

That’s it … set me free, Jacob. Set me free, and I will fulfill whatever desires you so wish of me. Unlock my tomb, and I will be eternally in your debt.

As the whispers fluttered through my head, I felt the sensation in my legs disappear, and the green Hellfire vanished with it.

This must have been it, Mephisto’s tomb.

“What does it say?” Tris asked as she ran her fingers over the engravings. “I was never really a good student when it came to learning other languages, so it all looks like gobblty-gook to me.”

I squinted and leaned in closer so I could get a better look at the carvings. Then I began to translate them out loud in real time.

“For the heresy of slander against the great King of the Sixth Circle, the demon Mephisto is hereby sentenced to three thousand years of imprisonment in a fiery tomb,” I read. “This grave shall only be opened with an eye for an eye, one that is powerful enough to dampen the light.”

“An eye for an eye … ” Eligor pondered.

“I dunno about you guys,” Tris shuddered, “but I don’t like the sound of that one bit.”

“Perhaps one of us should cut out one of our eyeballs and use it as an offering?” the blonde knight suggested, and we all answered with silent stares of judgement. “What? Superbia could heal us, so it’s not like we’d be blind permanently.”

“I think you may be taking this riddle a bit too literally,” I observed. “If it wants ‘an eye for an eye,’ then it’s probably referring to reparations for whatever got Mephisto locked away in the first place.”

“Soooo, we need to start a nasty rumor about the guy?” Todd asked. “That seems like it’s way too complicated for a protective spell, bro.”

“I agree,” Superbia said with a nod. “Obviously, this riddle wants us to sacrifice something. But what?”

“I think that’s what the second part of the riddle is about,” I retorted. “We need a sacrifice powerful enough to ‘put out the light.’ Whatever the fuck that means.”

“Hold up,” Todd exclaimed as he walked over to the statue. “I’m starting to wonder if we’re overthinking this. It talks about eyes, right? Well, what’s this statue missing?”

“Its eyes!” Tris answered. “Toddster, you’re a genius!”

“All in a day’s work, citizen,” the imp mused with his best deep voice. “Let’s check this out.”

Todd strolled up to the back of the statue, the part that had been hollowed out, and then he began to rock back and forth on his legs and stretch limberly. Once he was done with his mini pilates session, he cracked his knuckles, threw out his hands, and began to transform. The imp’s limbs stretched and widened as his skin bubbled like the surface of a hot spring, and soon his body was the exact same shape and size as the statue.

Todd stepped up to the statue, fidgeted, and then pressed his body against the hollow side so his eyes and mouth lined up with the holes.

The air was suddenly filled with a sharp sizzle, and the imp recoiled from the statue with a yelp.

“Ow!” he shrieked. “Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!”

The entire front of Todd’s body was now covered with first-degree burns.

Superbia dashed over to the imp, called forth her golden Hellfire, and grabbed his arm. The healing flames quickly spread across Todd’s body as his boils began to retreat back into his body, and his bright red skin regained its original color.

Todd patted his body in a fluster, his eyes still wide in terror. Once he realized he was still in one piece, he let out a deep sigh and wrapped Sia up in a bear hug.

“I owe ya one, Strawberry Shortcake,” he laughed.

“You owe me much more than one, Todd,” she shot back. “But who’s counting?”

“Well,” Eligor sighed, “that was a crashing disaster.”

Tris stepped forward, summoned her dual pistols into her hand, and then angrily pointed them at Mephisto’s tomb.

“I haven’t met a single problem Cheech and Chong can’t solve,” the Sister of Sloth growled. “Stand back!”

“Tris, I don’t think--” I began, but then my words were cut off by rapid gunfire.

The brunette succubus fired off round after enchanted round into the lid of the tomb, but each one simply bounced off harmlessly. Some of them left small indents in the brimstone, and Tris finally stopped when she realized it wasn’t working.

“Tristitia!” Superbia hissed. “That was completely unnecessary!”

“It was worth a shot.” Tris shrugged. “When in doubt, shoot it out.”

“That’s the motto I live my life by,” Todd chortled. “Only change ‘it’ to ‘one.’”

Suddenly, a crazy thought came into my head.

“What about the God Bomb?” I asked my friends. “It’s shown it can destroy just about anything.”

“Jacob … ” Eligor sighed. “Using the God Bomb in the Sixth Circle is not a good idea.”

“Why not?” I demanded. “I know you all told me not to use it down here in Hell, but it seemed to work out fine last time.”

“You got lucky, Jacob,” Superbia explained. “Normally, using Divine powers in Lucifer’s domain is an offense that is met with swift justice by the Prince of Darkness himself. And it usually results in agonizing death. I don’t know how you flew under the radar the first time, but I would not press your luck.”

The madame was right. I’d been thanking my lucky stars for months now, relieved that Lucifer and his minions hadn’t shown up at my doorstep and kicked our asses. If I wanted to live long enough to build my army, it was probably not wise to go around announcing myself to the Prince of Darkness in his own domain.

“Okay, so Divine magic is out,” I sighed. “What other kind of spell can ‘dampen the light?’”

“How about a water spell?” Eligor questioned. “With these old Latin riddles, a lot of times the answer is right there in the wording. Maybe it means we have to douse it with water?”

“It’s worth a shot,” I admitted. “But where are you going to get the water? There’s nothing but barren land around us, and the River of Souls is miles away.”

“You’ll see,” the scantily clad knight promised as she strutted over to a small clearing.

Eligor brought lime-green Hellfire into her hands, and then she held out both of her arms in front of her body. She seemed to brace herself as she aimed her spell downward and blasted it into the ground with a grunt of effort. The Hellfire spread across the desolate landscape until it finally landed on a handful of nearby tombs. As the flickering flames began to wind their way into the crevices of the sarcophagi, I started to realize what the knight was doing.

The blonde woman yanked her hands back into her body, and her spell retracted from the tombs. Along with it came small pools of water that danced within the lime-green light.

She’d just ripped the water out of the bodies of several Shades.

“You sure they’re gonna be alright?” I asked jokingly.

“They’re Shades, Jacob,” the knight retorted. “They’re already dead. It’s not like they’re going to miss it.”

Eligor guided the multiple pools of water so they were just above the tomb, and then she slowly pushed them together to form one massive body of water. She released her spell, and Mephisto’s tomb was instantly soaked with the liquid.

We all waited anxiously as the tomb’s lid darkened and its markings became more apparent. However, nothing happened.

“Fucking hell,” I grumbled. “So, it has nothing to do with ‘damp.’”

“Ya know?” Tris pondered aloud. “I’m starting to wonder if Todd was right the first time.”

“How do you figure?” the imp asked with his mouth agape. “I was nearly turned into a human steak when I touched the statue, and now you’re saying that’s what’s supposed to happen?”

“An eye for an eye,” Tristitia mused. “One of us has to sacrifice our bodies to set Mephisto free. At least, that’s how I’m seeing it. Also, it may have burned the shit out of your face, but at least something actually happened. Everything else we’ve tried has led to diddly squat.”

“But it didn’t do anything other than injure Todd,” Eligor protested. “I’m wondering if maybe I should cover the tomb with dirt or something of the like. That’d make sure it was completely surrounded by darkness.”

“Hold on, Eligor,” I said as I tried to shut down the knight. “I think Tris is on to something. I’m thinking about what the riddle says about ‘light.’ What kind of magic is composed of pure light?”

“Jacob,” Sia protested, “we’ve already been over this. You can’t use your God Bomb.”

“That’s not what I’m getting at,” I sighed. “Divine magic is composed of the same material as the human soul, correct? We have to dampen the light. Which means--”

“We have to put a damper on somebody’s soul!” Tris said as she clapped her hands together. “That’s the ‘eye for an eye’ sacrifice it’s talking about, isn’t it?”

“How exactly does one put a damper on the soul?” Eligor questioned. “Are we supposed to stand around and hurl hurtful insults at each other until the tomb opens up?”

“No … ” I said with a grim sigh. “The best way to dampen the soul is to fill it with fear. There’s only one of us who currently has that power.”

I looked over at Superbia, and the succubus madame gave me an understanding nod.

“Wait, wait,” Todd said as he tried to get a hold on understanding the situation. “Does this mean I have to get back into the literal hot iron statue?”

“I’m afraid so,” I confirmed. “Trust me, bro, I’d do it if I could. But you’re the only one who can shape-shift into a form that can fit in that thing.”

“Curse me and my perfect body,” Todd grumbled as he slapped his tiny gut.

“The statue seems to act as a switch for the tomb,” Eligor continued. “It’s the only way, Todd.”

“I’ll heal you the second the tomb is opened,” Sia promised. “Then you can owe me once again.”

The imp stroked his goatee for a moment before he looked up at the orange sky and shrugged.

“Fuck it,” he chuckled. “I guess the Toddster is gonna play hero today. But one thing, Jakey.”

“Anything,” I answered.

“Please, please, please burn all the shit in my room if I die,” he ordered. “I’m not joking. Douse it with gasoline, toss in a match, and walk away. Your virgin eyes don’t need to see any of that shit.”

“You’re not going to die,” I laughed. “But yes, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Todd walked back over to the statue, hoisted himself up onto the lip of the pedestal, and took a deep breath.

At the same time, Superbia called forth black Hellfire into her hands.

“I’m going to blast you the second you touch the metal,” she promised. “If this really works, you shouldn’t have to be on there for more than a few seconds.”

“A few seconds is still enough time to burn off my entire epididymis,” the imp explained with worry in his voice.

“Don’t you mean ‘epidermis?’” I retorted. “The epididymis is something waaaay different.”

Todd just chuckled and clicked his tongue.

“Like I said before, Jakey,” the imp mused, “the public school system totally failed you on the anatomy front. Alright, Strawberry Shortcake, I’m going in!”

Todd thrust his body forward, and the second he hit the inside of the statue the sizzling sound began. The imp gritted his teeth and grunted in pain as his flesh was seared against the heat of the metal.

Sia let out a cry of anger as she blasted the statue with her black Hellfire.

The fear-spell engulfed both the metal figure and Todd, and the imp’s grunts soon became gasps for breath.

“He can’t breathe!” Eligor gulped. “Release the spell, Superbia!”

“No!” I commanded. “Keep it going. Look, it’s working!”

I pointed over at the lid on Mephisto’s tomb, where the large, engraved “M” had now begun to fill with black Hellfire.

The second the letter was completely filled with the enchanted flames, the lid of the sarcophagus cracked and then splintered into a million pieces.

I threw up a wall of purple Hellfire over our heads to dispel the incoming debris, and chunks of brimstone smashed against the barrier. When the coast was finally clear, I released my spell.

Sia de-cast her spell, and Todd’s charred body fell away from the scalding-hot statue. The succubus was nearly in tears as she ran over to the fallen imp, and we were close on her tail.

This time, Todd was much worse for wear. He was covered from head to toe with gnarly third-degree burns, with large patches of his muscle showing through his skin and oozing blisters all over his tiny figure. He was still breathing, but each breath came out as a desperate gasp for air.

Superbia called on her healing touch and got to work immediately as the rest of us watched with concern.

The imp’s body healed fairly quickly. The golden Hellfire forced the skin around the open sores to slowly pull itself back together and then fuse. The liquid that oozed out of Todd’s boils evaporated into thin air as the wounds themselves stretched out and reintegrated themselves as part of his skin. Finally, Todd’s breathing returned to a normal pace, and he was completely good as new.

“Did … did we do it?” the imp panted.

Thank you, my friends.

The five of us spun around to face the Master of Whispers, and my hand instinctively grabbed the hilt of the Unhallowed Sword.

There is no need for that, Jacob. I am a friend, not a foe.

“Are you guys hearing that?” I asked aloud. “Or am I just finally losing it.”

“We all hear it, Jacob,” Superbia explained. “That is how Mephisto communicates.”

I started to ask what the madame meant by that comment, but I would get my answer soon enough.

A large figure rose up out of the darkness of the newly opened tomb. He stood seven feet tall, with skin the shade of a blood orange and limbs as lanky as a gazelle’s. Upon his back rested two large, curved wings that looked like a cross between a bat’s and a bird’s. There were two slender horns on his wide head that curved out to the side, twisted forward, and then came to a point a foot or two in front of his head. The demon’s eyes had no irises nor whites, they were simply pitch black.

Most jarring of all, however, was his mouth. This guy’s lips had been sewn shut, and the black thread that twisted around his mouth gave him a scarecrow-like appearance.

This was Mephisto, the Master of Whispers.

I owe you a debt that can never be repaid, Jacob. How can I be of assistance to you now, my friend?

“You were inside my head a few minutes ago,” I grunted. “You tell me.”

You wish for me to help you amass an army to defend your home against Beelzebub. I must admit, it’s quite the task. But, serving as one of your representatives would be the least I could do after you cut my sentence short by about two-thousand nine-hundred and ninety-eight years.

“Glad to hear it,” I mused as I stepped toward the demon.

I released my grip on the Unhallowed Sword and extended my hand to Mephisto. The demon didn’t even hesitate before he grabbed it and began to shake vigorously.

The pleasure is all mine, King Ralston.

“So, you will help, then?” I asked. “You’ll help us convince other Demon Lords to join our cause?”

Mephisto nodded his head and then took a deep bow.

For as long as you should rule over the Fourth Circle, I will be your humble servant. Long live King Ralston!

I turned back to my friends and grinned from ear to ear. After a long journey, some obstacles, and a puzzle that nearly forced us to sacrifice one of our own, we’d done it.

Mephisto was now on our side, and soon my forces would be stronger than any Demon King of Hell.

Chapter 14

The trip back to the Fourth Circle was mostly uneventful. After swearing his allegiance, Mephisto returned with us to the River of Souls, where our dinghy was waiting. The Master of Whispers soared above our boat as we pushed through the fiery exit to the Sixth Circle and back through the swampy lake that composed the Fifth. Finally, we exited through the cave and found ourselves back in the Fourth Circle.

It only took us about an hour to get to the castle, and the mute demon couldn’t hide his excitement as we approached the shiny black structure.

Azazel always had the flashiest castle. There was always something that screamed “regal” about it. I look forward to seeing the improvements you’ve made to the place.

“Thanks,” I chuckled as we floated up to the pier, “but don’t get too comfortable. We may have bought ourselves some more time with our little stunt in the Fifth Circle, but we need to get to work if we really want to grow our forces.”

Understandable. The imp explained your strategy to me, and I agree it is the way to go. Moneyball, he called it? I already have multiple low-level Demon Lords lined up to be a possible first target, and I’m only waiting for you to give me an order.

“We have a little bit of time to relax,” I answered the Master of Whispers. “We did just go through a whole lot of bullshit to save you. I think we’ve earned some rest and relaxation.”

“And some of Gula’s food,” Todd added as he rubbed his potbelly. “Going through a near-death experience makes a guy really fucking hungry. I bet demonic Oompa Loompa here feels the same way. Don’t ya, ‘Phisto?”

The Master of Whispers simply crossed his arms over his chest and looked down on Todd with a glare that pierced into his very soul.

The imp’s eyes trailed to Mephisto’s sewed-shut mouth before Todd held up his hands in defeat.

“Sorry, bro,” he apologized. “I totally didn’t mean any offense.”

Apology accepted, imp.

As our dinghy pulled up to the dock of our castle, my mind raced with possibilities. Asmodeus was generally considered one of the weaker Demon Kings, and his army was filled with mostly mindless grunts. That, combined with the fact that I was a mere mortal, made for lots of skepticism within the minds of Hell’s Demon Lords. Now that we had an honest-to-god Demon Lord on our side, maybe we’d finally have a shot to recruit others.

“Who are you thinking of contacting?” I asked the demon curiously.

Moloch is one of the first demons on my list. He’s extremely stubborn and bull-headed, but he’s also the definition of a “true neutral.” At least, as true neutral as one can be when he works for Belphegor, the King of the Third Circle.

“If he’s serving the King of the Third Circle,” I inquired, “then how will you get him onto our side?”

Leave that to me, King Ralston. I have certain… methods that will encourage him.

“Jakey has a history of converting over those ‘true neutrals,’ ya know,” Todd interjected. “That’s how we got Charon and Plato on our side.”

Mephisto quirked his eyebrow at the imp.

The great Ferryman of Hell is on your side? As is Plato? Perhaps we can pull this off after all.

“You can’t go around telling people they’re with us,” I warned. “Plato might be safe since he lives in Asmodeus’ Circle, but Charon broke his sacred vows to help us out. Lucifer will have his head if he finds out.”

You think he hasn’t?

Even though the thought had crossed my mind before, hearing it from the Master of Whispers made my heart drop into my stomach.

“N-No,” I stammered. “If Lucifer knew about all the shit we’ve been doing, he surely would have acted by now.”

The orange demon floated down, landed gently on the pier, and then folded his wings behind his body.

Unless it’s all a part of his plan. Not much goes on in Hell without the Prince of Darkness finding out about it.

“We’ve been able to stay under the radar this far,” Eligor explained. “Perhaps Lucifer simply has too much on his plate?”

Perhaps. But I wouldn’t count on it. You think he wouldn’t notice the knight who works for his right-hand demon is off on an adventure with the new King of the Fourth Circle?

“So, what?” I asked as my heart pounded in my chest. “You think Lucifer is just biding his time, waiting to strike when the time is right?”

“That’s not like him at all,” Sia explained. “If he does know about all of our endeavors, there’s only one reason he hasn’t retaliated yet.”

“And what could that possibly be?” I demanded.

Sia looked over at me, and a grim expression spread across her face.

“He’s interested in you, Jacob,” she warned. “And if that’s the case, we are in far more danger than Beelzebub and Baphomet could ever pose to us.”

I felt a sensation like cold steel twisting in my gut. I’d never even considered that option before, that the Prince of Darkness, the Master of Hell, was interested in our story. Were Superbia and Mephisto right? Did we really have the Devil in our corner?

And if we did, why was that a bad thing?

My thoughts raced as Todd, the succubi, and I exited the boat and made our way up the steps of the castle with Mephisto right behind us.

Do not fret, King Ralston. We could use the very knowledge that you fear to our advantage.

I whipped around on the staircase and shot Mephisto an angry look.

“You’re not still in my head, are you?” I questioned.

Of course not. Any control I had over you vanished when you arrived at my tomb. But you’re wearing your anxiety like a cloak of emotions, and I just wanted to reassure you there was nothing to be worried about.

“You’re saying that the literal Dev--” I started, but Sia slapped her hand over my mouth.

“Lucifer, Jacob,” she reminded me. “You must call him Lucifer.”

“Fine,” I grumbled as she pulled away. “You’re saying Lucifer might be watching us right now, but there’s nothing to worry about?”

There is not. If anything, this will help my recruitment efforts. It’s one thing to tell the other Demon Lords Asmodeus and I support you. The game completely changes if I can tell them Lucifer is aware of your endeavors, yet has remained neutral. Even if I am wrong, and the Prince of Darkness is completely oblivious to your plight, it will look like he approves of your work.

“That’s a very dangerous game, Mephisto,” Superbia warned. “If you’re wrong, and Lucifer has no knowledge of what we’ve been doing, then he will be quite displeased when he finds out you’re spreading rumors about him. That will end unpleasantly and probably very messily for you.”

The Master of Whispers shrugged.

What’s he going to do? Lock me in a tomb for three-thousand years? My king will simply rescue me once more.

For the first time, I didn’t correct the person who referred to me by that term. It was different when one of my closest friends or lovers tried to put me on a pedestal and act like I was higher-up the ladder than they were. It was another, however, to hear the words uttered by a mighty Demon Lord.

Mephisto’s simply uttering of the word nearly gave me goosebumps.

“That’s right,” I promised the orange demon. “You’re on team Ralston now, Mephisto. Anyone who comes after you, they have to deal with me.”

“They have to deal with us!” Todd interjected weakly.

“Welllll,” Tris said with a groan, “maybe all of us. It depends on how much motivation I can muster up at any given time. And that usually has to do with how high I am and what exactly is on TV at that point.”

We arrived at the top of the staircase and walked into the main room of the castle.

As soon as we were on flat ground, Mephisto halted and gave me a light bow.

Your gratitude is appreciated, King Ralston. I promise I will do everything in my power to make you the most powerful Demon King in existence.

“I like the sound of that,” Eligor purred.

“So do I,” Cupiditas’ voice announced as she came through a nearby door.

“Me too,” Liby giggled and followed her Sister through the threshold.

“To think,” Ira cackled as she came around the corner of the staircase that led to the second floor, “I could soon be one of the women who’s fucked the most powerful Demon King in the universe.”

All three of the succubi strutted over to our position, and then they shook Mephisto’s hand one-by-one.

“So, you’re the Master of Whispers?” Libidine asked as she not-so-subtly tried to avoid staring at his mouth. “If you don’t mind me asking, how do you talk with your mouth sewn shut?”

You will find I am full of surprises, succubus.

The dark-haired woman jumped in shock before her eyes went wide and she stared down the demon in front of her.

“That’s incredible!” she gasped. “How can you--”

“He’s a powerful telepathic, Libidine,” Sia explained as she walked over and placed her hand on the succubus’ back. “Just like you, my dear. Perhaps somewhere down the line, he could teach you how to increase your power set? He can control other demons and Shades, you know.”

“He can?” Libidine smiled and began to bounce up and down happily. “That would be amazing! Could you really teach me how?”

Mephisto nodded.

All in due time. Right now, I must be on my way. The sooner I find those who are willing to join us, the sooner we can begin crafting a battle strategy. Who shall I pay a visit to first, my King?

“Moloch sounds like a good place to start,” I admitted. “And if he doesn’t work out, I give you permission to use your full discretion in finding the next one.”

Mephisto nodded, gave me a bow, and then turned around and walked toward the door at the far end of the room.

As you wish, King Ralston. I will not let you down.

“I know you won’t,” I reassured the demon.

Mephisto’s lanky frame slunk down the stairs and out of our sight completely.

The second he was gone, I let go of the whole “kingly” act. My shoulders slumped as I relaxed my posture and let a smile creep up my face.

“Being in charge is exhausting,” I chuckled. “How the fuck did you do it all the time, Sia?”

“Years and years of practice,” the redhead admitted.

“Please,” Libidine joked. “Being in charge suits your personality, Sister. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you weren’t.”

“That is certainly not true,” Sia shot back. “Jacob is in charge now, and I am completely fine with that.”

“If you say so, Sister,” Cupi chimed in.

“Where’s Firecracker and Elvira?” Todd asked as he scanned the room. “Did they not want to join the welcome wagon?”

“Invidia is in her room, as always,” Ira said with a roll of her eyes. “And Gula, well … she’s got a nice little treat in store for our weary travelers.”

Todd’s eyes became as wide as saucers, and he licked his lips excitedly.

“Did she make us some of that fucking delicious grub?” The imp couldn’t contain his excitement as he rocked back and forth on his feet. “The Toddster’s hunger is currently at the next level.”

“Why don’t you all go see for yourselves?” Ira mused as she motioned to the staircase.

She didn’t have to tell me twice. We hadn’t eaten all day, and traveling through two deadly Circles of Hell had made me so hungry I could eat a horse. My stomach rumbled loudly in my body as I dashed up the stairs, and the rest of the team followed close behind.

We rushed past the living room, past the wing with all of the bedrooms, and then we finally came to the kitchen area of the castle. Instantly, the smell of something spicy and succulent hit my nostrils.

Gula had wanted as modern of facilities as she could get, and that’s what we gave her. There was a massive chrome sink at least three feet deep right next to an industrial sized oven with an open-flame stove top. Pots and pans made of the finest metal hung on all across the walls of the room, as did every type of knife and utensil one could think of.

Just off to the left was a room that housed a walk-in freezer and a cooler where we stored any meat the Sister of Gluttony had captured or any crops the Shades brought to us. At the room’s center sat a massive kitchen island, and that’s where Gula stood.

She was wearing a white apron covered in stains, and she was chopping up a ginger root vigorously when she saw us approaching.

“Hold it!” Gula demanded as she held up her hand. “It’s not quite ready yet. You all get into the dining room, and I’ll bring it in when it’s done.”

“Ah, come on, Firecracker … ” Todd mused as he reached out for a piece of meat laying on the island.

Gula stabbed a large knife into the table right in front of where Todd’s hand was drifting, and the imp let out a yelp of surprise.

“It’s. Not. Ready. Yet,” Gula growled.

Todd looked like a kicked puppy as he pulled his hand away and curled it around his own body.

“Alright guys,” I laughed. “Let’s leave the master alone to do her work.”

We walked into the dining room and were shocked to see Invidia already waiting for us at the table.

“What?” she asked with a shrug. “You thought I was going to miss Gula’s cooking? Not even the sweet, beautiful music of Paramore can make me miss that.”

“Careful there, Elvira,” Todd cackled as he pulled out a chair and took a seat. “It’s kinda sounding like you actually care about something.”

Invidia crossed her arms across her chest and frowned.

“Everybody’s gotta eat,” she sighed. “Might as well enjoy it while we can. Life’s just a dark void where we end up dead, anyway.”

“That’s the spirit!” the imp shot back as he leaned back in his chair.

The rest of the group sat down at the dining table, and I took a minute to admire the room around us.

The table and chairs before us were made out of pure brimstone. However, much like the dark, rocky material used to construct our very castle, this stuff was polished to look as shiny as fine marble. Flecks of black dotted the shimmering, dark gray surface, and when the light hit it correctly, you could see your own reflection in the tabletop. Down the center of the piece sat a dark red runner about six inches wide which ran the entire length of the tabletop.

Plates, forks, knives, and spoons made of pure silver sat before us, each one highly stylized with patterns of “punched metal” artwork. Immediately to their right was a red napkin, and golden goblets sat at the top right of the setting.

This was much better than it had looked under Azazel’s reign, where Gula had claimed it was nothing more than a round wooden table with some chopsticks and a few containers of tupperware.

“Alright, who’s ready for some grub?” Gula announced as she entered the dining room carrying a large platter.

“Is that rhetorical?” Todd giggled and patted his belly. “Let’s see what you got here, Firecracker!”

The Sister of Gluttony set the platter down on the table, grabbed the lid, and then lifted it up.

Underneath was a bowl filled with a reddish-yellow, liquidy concoction. It smelled somewhat spicy, with a hint of tomatoes and cinnamon. The bowl had chunks of finely-cooked meat mixed into it, and it was topped off with a garnish of almonds.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had this before,” I admitted. “What is it?”

“Oh, Jacob … ” Ira clicked her tongue. “It’s curry. You really need to get cultured, don’t you?”

“Hey,” I shot back playfully, “when you’re living on a budget of fifty dollars a month for groceries, you don’t really get to explore your culinary options.”

“There were many a-nights of hot dogs and ramen noodles for Jakey and the Toddster,” Todd added. “Sometimes even in the same soup. Thank god for sriracha, right bro?”

“When we could afford it,” I laughed. “Most of the time it was the generic hot sauce brand.”

“Ohhh yeah,” Todd whistled. “Macgillan’s Hot Sauce was life, bro.”

“It’s nothing special,” Gula sighed. “I just whipped this concoction together with some tomato sauce, some spices I had lying around, and some vargrat meat we needed to use up. I hope you enjoy it.”

“It’s grub, Firecracker,” Todd snorted. “I’m gonna enjoy the fuck out of it. I dunno if my intestines will say the same thing later, though.”

Gula stepped away from the table and hurried back into the kitchen. While she was gone, the rest of us passed around the steaming platter and shoveled the creamy curry onto our plates. Then, right about when we got to the bottom of the plate, the red headed chef returned with another platter.

“You simply cannot eat curry without naan,” she explained as she raised up the lid.

On the silver platter in front of us sat a stack of circular breads, each one puffy and toasted to perfection. Bubbles from the cooking process covered each side, and the pieces of naan were still steaming as I picked one up and tossed it onto my plate.

“Alright, my friends,” Gula exclaimed as she pulled up a chair of her own. “Dig in!”

The succubus didn’t have to tell me twice.

I grabbed the first piece of Naan and ripped it in half. Steam exited the airy interior as the doughy middle was exposed, and I could begin to feel a bit of drool form at the corner of my mouth. Then I dipped the bread in the curry, lifted it to my mouth, and took a bite.

Instantly, my taste buds were hit with a sensation like I’d never experienced before. I could taste the distinct zing of cinnamon, cumin, and ginger, but the spices were mixed together with another blend of flavors I couldn’t identify. There was a satisfying crunch of almonds as I chewed up my naan, and then the curry slid down my throat like soft butter.

“Holy shit, Gula,” I moaned happily. “Maybe you need to give us a taste of India more often.”

“I just threw it together from what I found in our pantry,” the succubus said as she looked down and blushed. “I promise it wasn’t anything special.”

“Gula,” Cupiditas mused, “when you cook, everything is special.”

“I must be careful with this curry,” Libidine added. “It’s so smooth and creamy it just slides down my throat without effort. Before I know it, I’ll have three whole plates gone!”

“I’m not even gonna comment on that one,” Todd said through a mouthful of curry. “It’s too easy. Everybody just make up your own ‘that’s what she said’ joke and e-mail it to me, okay?”

“It is quite good, Gula,” Sia agreed. “I must try this ‘Indian food’ more often.”

“It’s pretty good, I guess,” Invidia spoke up. “For like, sustenance purposes.”

“I’ve never had this sort of dish before,” Eligor admitted. “But, without having a baseline to judge it off of, I must say it’s satisfying.”

“What about you, Ira?” Gula asked hopefully. “You’ve been all around the world with your political affairs, so you’ve probably eaten your fair share, right?”

“I have.” Ira nodded, placed a spoonful of curry into her mouth, and shrugged. “It’s no New Delhi street food … but I think I can safely say it’s the best fucking vargrat curry I’ve ever had in my life.”

Gula bounced excitedly up and down in her chair, and I couldn’t help but stare at her jiggling breasts.

“So, it’s got everyone’s seal of approval?” she asked happily. “Ten votes out of ten?”

“Ten out of ten.” I smiled and took another bite of the smooth dish.

“Do you think it’s like, Masterchef good?” Gula continued. “Because if we ever get back to Earth Realm, I totally want to enter into that show, and a good curry might just make me stand out.”

“Firecracker,” Todd reassured her, “this shit may look the same now as it will when it comes out, but it’s fan-fucking-tastic. Chef Ramsey ain’t got shit on you.”

Gula rocked her body back and forth with satisfaction, and then she took another bite of her naan.

We enjoyed the rest of our food over the next several minutes, until both silver platters were completely empty. Stuffed to the gills, each and every one of us was now sitting back in our chairs with our hands on our stomachs, groaning intently as we drifted in and out of our food comas.

Gula scooted out her chair, stood up, and then started to waddle over to the kitchen.

“Where are you going, Sister?” Libidine asked miserably. “Please don’t tell me there’s more.”

“Unfortunately there is,” the redhead giggled. “I hope we all saved room for dessert.”

A loud groan in unison told her we hadn’t, but she continued on into the other room.

“I-I don’t know how I can fit anything else in my stomach, bro,” Todd whimpered. “Like, I may have an appetite the size of Texas, but my stomach is the size of a kickball. There’s only so much real estate it’s got before it goes kablooey!”

“I hope it’s nothing too rich,” Sia muttered. “The mere thought of chocolate right now makes me want to hurl.”

Just then, our chef came barging back into the dining room with another plate in her hand. This time, there was no lid on the platter, and we saw the approaching morsels in all their glory.

There were dozens of small, round balls of dough that looked like they had been fried. Grains of cinnamon sugar dusted each one, and the entire selection had been drizzled with syrup.

“Gulab Jamun,” the redheaded succubus announced. “Or, ‘Indian Donuts.’”

She sat the plate down onto the center of the table, and the small donuts instantly were divided up onto our plates evenly.

I picked up the sticky treat, popped the entire thing into my mouth, and then let out a moan of satisfaction as my taste buds lit up happily.

First, there was the syrupy taste of the glaze mixed with the cinnamon sugar. Then, as I crunched into the golden-brown crust of the dish, I tasted soft, spongy dough with a hint of milk and cheese. The insides of the dessert melted on my tongue, and I swallowed the entire thing with a happy gulp.

Within minutes of the platter arriving on the table, we’d eaten every single Indian Donut.

“Bro … ” Todd wheezed. “I don’t think I can feel my left arm. I think this is it. I always knew the Toddster would die due to overeating, but I always figured it’d be because I was too high to know how to stop.”

“You’re fine, Todd,” Sia promised. “But just in case … ”

The madame called golden Hellfire into her hands and then pressed it against the imp’s tiny arm. His appendage was engulfed instantly with the shimmering flames as they danced along his red flesh. When they finally subsided, Todd rubbed his arm tenderly.

“Nope, still numb,” the imp sighed. “Maybe I need to sleep it off.”

Sleep. The mere mention of the word made my eyes begin to flutter and droop heavily. I was exhausted from all the shit we’d done today, and now that I was overly full, the feeling was even more intense.

“Gula, why don’t you call some of our Shade employees?” I ordered. “They can clean all of this stuff up. I don’t know about you guys, but I want to go to bed.”

“Oh?” Ira perked up at the prospect.

“Just to sleep,” I reassured her. “I was going to ask if everyone wanted to come with me to our quarters. As much as I’d like to get there someday, I definitely don’t have the stamina to make love to all of you at once.”

“A gallon of water and a toooon of potassium, bro,” Todd suggested. “That’s all it takes for an intense whack-off session. You got a banana in one hand and a milk jug full of water in the other.”

“Uh … ” I started, even though I really didn’t want to know the answer. “Aren’t you forgetting something? What about your--”

Todd leapt up onto the table, scurried over to me, and slapped his hand over my mouth before I could finish.

“Shhhhhh, bro,” he whispered. “That’s for the Toddster to know, and you to hopefully never find out.”

I grabbed the imp’s hand at the wrist and gently pulled it away from my lips.

“I seriously just want to sleep,” I chuckled. “You’re all more than welcome to try and to take advantage of me while I’m out, but I can’t promise you’ll get much out of it that way.”

“Nonsense,” Ira said, and she was nearly salivating. “I can beat anything I want outta that thing.”

“On second thought, let’s not try and take advantage of the sleeping king,” I laughed.

With that, I stood up, brushed a few naan crumbs off my shirt, and then began to make my way toward the sleeping quarters of the castle. When I glanced back over my shoulder, I saw nearly all of the succubi had followed me. I counted everyone but Todd, Eligor, and Invidia.

Fairly typical.

We walked to our master bedroom, threw open the giant door, and then sauntered over to the two california kings. Without another word, the seven of us plopped down onto the mattress and snuggled in as close to each other as we possibly could.

The smell of the succubi was sweeter than honey as I laid there, ran my hand through their hair, and stared up at the ceiling. Soon enough, each one of the women at my side had drifted off to sleep and were snoring with adorable little noises.

Unfortunately, even though I was beat, my mind was too preoccupied to pass out.

Was Mephisto a Demon Lord we could trust? He was supposedly a master at convincing other people to cede control of their mind and getting them to do what he wanted. Were we just a few more names on the list of people he’s fucked over through the years?

Likewise, I was worried about Asmodeus. Our alliance seemed strong, but he really didn’t have much to bring to the table other than an army of mindless grunts and his own political clout.

Which, if the rumors were true, wasn’t very much to begin with.

Who the fuck knows? We could have just set my own downfall into motion. Perhaps Mephisto or Asmodeus were planning on simply using us as pawns in their own version of this twisted political game. Fuck, who knows if we were even playing the same game at this point?

Nevertheless, the strategy was set, and the players had already been sent into motion. I pulled the girls on each side of me closer, and then I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I didn’t know how long we slept, but I certainly remembered the wake-up call we received.

“Wakey, wakey, Jakey!” I heard Todd exclaim as he began to shake my body violently.

My eyes shot open and then narrowed as I stared daggers into the imp’s eyes.

He was currently standing on top of my chest, with his hands wrapped around the scruff of my shirt and his hooved feet digging firmly into my torso.

“W-what is it?” I demanded and briefly thought about teleporting the imp to Antarctica.

“It’s Mephisto, bro,” the imp retorted as a large smile spread across his face. “He’s back, and he’s got some great news!”

Without warning, the imp knelt down, shoved his feet against my chest, and sent himself into the air. He tumbled like a gymnast as he moved away from the bed, and then Todd landed gracefully on the stony ground of the castle. Finally, he turned around and tapped the nonexistent watch on his wrist.

“Come on, Jakey,” he implored. “Time’s a wastin’!”

The succubi had heard Todd’s little reveille, and they started to stir as I sat up and rolled off the bed. Soon enough, the succubi and I were all on our feet, as good as new.

Or at least, as good as could be for people running on only a few hours of sleep.

“How long were we out for?” I asked the imp as I rubbed my eyes and followed him down the staircase.

“Probably about four or five hours,” Todd explained. “Or something like that. Enough time for me to watch a full match of our Shades’ Royal Rumble. I’m getting really tired of Terror Thompson winning, even if he is supposed to be the ‘hero’ of all the stories. Give me Fireslayer over that goodie two-shoes anyways.”

“Four or five hours?” I groaned.

There was no way this could be good news. Sia had told me the Demon Lords of Hell were all self-serving and refused to work with each other unless they absolutely had to. Likewise, Mephisto didn’t appear to be very well-liked in the local circles.

If he was back already, then some serious shit must have gone down.

The second we walked around the stairs in the staircase, my jaw hit the floor.

There, standing next to the orange-skinned Mephisto, stood a tall man with long, flowing brown hair. His face was somewhat elongated from his neck as if it were slightly too big, and his teeth looked like they jutted half-a-foot out of his lips when he spoke.

The succubi must have been equally as surprised, because a series of gasps rang out from behind me as they entered the room.

“Superbia?” Ira asked in disbelief. “Is that who I think it is?”

“Gamigin,” the madame uttered quietly. “The great teacher and historian.”

“Is this a good thing, or a bad thing?” I asked, seriously not knowing the answer. “That title doesn’t exactly bring up images of a great warrior.”

“Gamigin is one of the brightest minds of Hell, Jacob,” Cupi hissed. “Don’t let his looks deceive you. If he’s really committed to helping us, then we may be at a turning point in this conflict.”

Just then, the brown-maned demon turned and saw us. A smile slid up his asymmetrical face, and I couldn’t help but be reminded of a horse when I saw his bucktoothed grin. He hastily stepped over, extended his hand, and shook my own with force.

“My name is Gamigin,” the purple-eyed demon explained. “Mephisto’s told me so much about you, King Ralston. I only hope my brilliant mind can help you in your ultimate quest.”

“I hope so, too,” I joked. “Pleasure to meet you, Gamigin. These are my succubi, the Circle of Sin.”

“Oh, I know who they are,” he said through his toothy grin. “Azazel’s succubi were known around the Circles of Hell. I hear they weren’t too shabby on Earth, either.”

“No, they weren’t,” I chuckled. “If they had been, I don’t think any of this would have happened.”

“So, what you’re saying is you accidentally fell upward into becoming the King of the Fourth Circle simply because you wanted a sex demon?” the horse-man said with a raised eyebrow. “Your story is quite peculiar, Jacob Ralston. That’s one of the many reasons I agreed to come with Mephisto and swear my allegiance to you.”

“Because I keep falling upwards?” I asked.

“No,” Gamigin said as his eyes narrowed, “because you intrigue me. And to me, that is the most important quality of a man.”

“Well, I’m just happy to have you on board,” I admitted and then turned to Mephisto. “What happened with Moloch?”

Unfortunately, Moloch was not as perceptive to the idea as I had hoped. He, like all of the other Demon Lords I spoke with in the last few hours, refused to give you any sort of political backing until you had proven yourself.

“I killed Azazel,” I argued. “And I killed an archangel before that. What more do these demons want from me?”

“I dunno, bro,” Todd sighed. “Maybe Asmodeus was onto something with the whole candygram thing.”

You must understand how much is at stake here, my King. The demons of Hell don’t have any second chances. They don’t get any do-overs or forgiveness from Lucifer if they decide to hitch their horse to the wrong cart. Many of them simply want you to prove you are the right cart.

“How do I do that?” I sighed.

“By winning decisive victories,” Gamigin chimed in. “Once you have won a few battles as a Demon King, you will undoubtedly gain a following. That’s why I’m here, as well. To help you come up with the plans that will get you these ultimate victories. Observe.”

The horse-faced demon walked over to a large map spread out on the table and then motioned for us to join. When I got closer, I saw the map was of the entirety of the Fourth Circle.

“Now,” Gamigin began, “I hear you have issues with Beelzebub and Baphomet, correct?”

“Unfortunately,” I sighed.

“That’s actually quite fortunate,” the horse-faced man shot back. “Beelzebub cannot access your Circle of Hell without walking back through the entirety of the Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh Circles. He could perhaps do it on his own if he were trying to sneak around, but an entire army? Ha! His forces will be caught the second he steps into the Seventh Circle, and Abbadon will not hesitate to make their lives a literal living Hell.”

“So, does that mean we’re completely safe?” I questioned. “Beelzebub’s army can’t get to us here?”

Gamigin shook his head somberly and then looked up at me with his violet eyes.

“They might not be able to make it at the moment,” he continued, “but Beelzebub is a master manipulator, even more so than our friend Mephisto here.”

You’re too kind, Gamigin.

“Then there’s the issue of Baphomet,” the demon continued. “Even if Beelzebub and Abbadon do not come to a mutual agreement, which I am sure they will, the King of the Fifth Circle is right here on your border. He could show up any time of any day without warning and try to take over.”

“I’d like to see him try,” I growled.

“Luckily for us, your little excursion to save Angelo Martatelli has bought you some time,” Gamigin explained. “Baphomet is far too busy trying to return order to his home after all the Shades were freed, and he has no time to fight in another Demon King’s wars while he’s doing that.”

“When you say we’ve got time … ” I started, but then both Mephisto and Gamigin shot me a dirty look.

“I’d give it a month or two, tops,” the horse-faced demon promised. “Beelzebub will eventually find an agreement with Gressil and Abbadon, the Kings of the Sixth and Seventh Circles, and Baphomet will eventually be ready to aid his friend. If we sit around waiting until that happens, we’re screwed.”

“More than a red light district whore,” Todd giggled. “Or Raphey boy’s mom. Fuck, I really miss that ‘ol fuddy duddy.”

“Then what strategy would you suggest, my newfound ally?” I asked.

“First thing’s first,” Gamigin explained as he pointed to the cave that linked the Fourth and Fifth Circles. “You need to fortify this area. Currently, it’s the only place where our enemy’s forces can enter your domain.”

“Consider it done,” Cupiditas said with a nod. “I’ll send a small faction of men out there immediately.”

“Excellent.” The demon nodded. “Now, we need to talk about the forces we have so far. You say Asmodeus has pledged you his army?”

“That’s right,” I confirmed. “Outside of that, we have our own army of Shades, plus an army of cultists back on Earth Realm.”

Gamigin rubbed his chin curiously as he mulled over my words.

“Hmmm,” he sighed. “That may not be enough to defeat Baphomet head-on. However, if we were to form a two-front war with the Second and Third Circles, Asmodeus and ourselves could close in around them. We could take over the conquered domains’ forces, and then we could use them to launch a full-on invasion into the remaining Circles.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I said as I held up my hands. “Whoever said anything about taking over the other Circles? I just want to be left alone in my own domain, without fear of being invaded all the fucking time.”

Gamigin frowned and shot me a frustrated look.

“You’ll never have that luxury, King Ralston,” he admitted. “For a Demon King, it’s either kill or be killed. A preemptive strike on the Fifth Circle would keep you on the former part of that sentence.”

But why would we want to try and invade directly? Wouldn’t it be more beneficial for us to try and infiltrate the different Circles and then sew dissent among the Shades? We could incite riots, topple entire Kingships … the internal chaos would be cathartic!

“I like where your head's at,” I admitted, “but that’s still not what I’m going for here. I’d much rather stay on the defensive and let the entirety of Hell know Jacob Raslton has powerful allies, and that he won’t be pushed around by half-rate Demon Kings. If they want to fight, they can bring it to us. But let them know that if they do, we will slaughter them all like the sorry pieces of shit they are.”

“So you have sent a preemptive message?” Gamigin asked as his eyes lit up. “What was it? Did you tar and feather one of their messengers? Did you slice off one of the Shade’s hands and send it back to his master?”

“Uh … ” I sighed. “Not exactly. I would have figured killing the deadly assassin they sent after me would have been enough.”

“Oh, King Ralston,” Gamigin sighed. “I sometimes forget you’re still a mortal. Demon Kings killing assassins is nothing new here. In fact, it’s very commonplace. If you want to let the other Demon Kings know you mean business, then you need to speak their language.”

Could we try to off one of the madames? They are always good victims for this sort of thing. No offense, Superbia.

“None taken,” the redhead said with a shrug. “Like you said, we’re perfect for sending a message. We’re not too high on the totem pole, but we’re important enough so it lets them know things are going to get serious.”

“What?” I gasped. “No! We’re not going to hurt any innocent people just to send a fucking message. We’re going to fortify the Fourth Circle, build up our army, and train our asses off until Beelzebub and his forces arrive at our doorstep. Then, we’re going to kill them on our turf. Are you guys in, or are you out?”

Both of the demons looked at me with hurt in their eyes, as if I’d just stabbed them in the back with a rusty knife.

I will do whatever you wish of me, my King. I would never even think of doing otherwise.

“I may not agree with your decisions,” Gamigin admitted, “but as Mephisto said, you are my king now. If you wish to play the defensive game, then we shall play the defensive game. In fact, trying to figure out how to make this work is going to be quite a fun little challenge.”

“Great,” I addressed the room. “Now that we’re all on the same page, we need to double our efforts. Cupi? I want you out there with our Shades every single day. Gula? Start seeing if you can make portable rations. Ira, Todd, and Sia? I want you to start brushing up on your negotiating skills. Tris, I--”

Before I could finish my sentence, Martatelli burst into the room shouting happily in Italian. He had a large piece of paper in his hands that was covered head to toe with scribbles and sketches, and he couldn’t help but wave it around excitedly as he tried to explain what was going on.

Superbia ran over to Angelo and listened closely. As she did so, her expression became more and more jubilant until it was fixed into a wide, toothy smile. The succubus turned back toward the rest of us, clapped her hands together, and made an announcement.

“Everyone,” she called out, and the full room’s attention turned to her. “Martatelli has just informed me he’s located the Porta ad Terram.”

My heart jumped up into my throat, and I felt a wave of joy wash over me. The “Portal to Earth.” Martatelli had actually found it.

If the crazy old Renaissance scientist was right, we could go home sooner than we thought.

Chapter 15

As our boat shot through the water of the Fifth Circle, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was making the right decision. We were headed toward the Porta ad Terram, or the “Portal to Earth” in Latin, and soon we’d be back in the land of the mortals.

Of course, this was only a casual visit to let our friends and family know we were still alive and rally my cultists to their new cause. We’d be back in the Fourth Kingdom in a few days tops, and then we’d continue to fortify our domain against Beelzebub and his forces.

It should be open and shut, right?

“Something on your mind, Jacob?” Superbia asked curiously.

“Huh?” I asked as the succubus madame broke me out of my haze. “Oh, yeah … I was just wondering if this is a good idea.”

“Why would it not be?” the redhead shot back as she crossed her arms. “Beelzebub will surely want to reassemble his forces up here on Earth, and we can’t leave Jane and Oliver completely in the dark about the situation. I only hope we’re not too late.”

“Even if we are,” I reassured her, “my cultists are competent fighters. They can take Beelzebub’s sorry followers any day of the week.”

“Then what are you worried about?” Sia reiterated as she put her hand tenderly against my face.

“I’m just worried about leaving my kingdom, especially when we have such a massive threat breathing down our necks,” I explained. “Not to mention, now that Mephisto and Gamigan are in the picture, things could get messy in a hurry. We’ve been betrayed by our friends before, and those two aren’t even our friends.”

“Mephisto’s word is unbreakable,” Eligor butted into the conversation. “He may be a manipulator, but he’s no backstabber.”

“What about Gamigan?” I continued. “I know even less about him.”

“Please,” Todd scoffed. “What’s Mr. Ed gonna do? Whinny us to death?”

“Mr. Ed?” Libidine asked from across the dinghy.

Todd turned to the succubus and threw his hands on his hips.

“Have you seen that dude’s teeth?” he retorted. “He’s got more gums than a nursing home, bro.”

Sia let out a chuckle at Todd’s joke and then focused once more on our conversation.

“Gamigan won’t turn on us,” Superbia reassured me. “If there’s one thing he loves, it’s a good challenge. And defending the Fourth Circle against two powerful Demon Kings? You can’t get much more challenging than that.”

“Besides, bro,” Todd spoke up, “we’re just hopping through the portal, giving Oliver the lowdown, and then probably snatching some goodies while you get your booty call with Jane. Like you said, day or two tops. God, I can already taste the sweet leaf on my tongue … ”

“Then there are our Sisters,” Libidine explained. “No matter what happens, they will keep order in your kingdom.”

Liby was probably right. Cupi had stayed behind to train the Shade army, while Ira’s Dom remained back in our castle so she could continue to act as Master of Torture for the entire Circle. Gula, Tris, and Invidia were sitting this one out, as well, but I knew they’d keep an eye on things for me.

“Also,” Eligor added as she pointed to my arm, “you can send your succubi back and forth between the realms at will, right? If we ever need their assistance down here or up there, they’re only an arm-touch away.”

I glanced down at my arm and inspected the tattoos that ran from my shoulder to the bottom of my bicep. Since I’d summoned all six of the succubi to Hell at once, I hadn’t been able to use the enchanted images for interdimensional travel. Instead, touching them just caused a small light show around whoever I was trying to summon, which would then fizzle out and disappear without much fanfare.

Since we were headed back to Earth, we’d get a chance to test Eligor’s theory.

Each succubi had their own symbol that hugged the skin of my arm. Cupi’s was a pair of dark angel wings, Liby was represented by a glowing purple eye, and Sia had a glowing hand. A lit joint was Tris’s symbol, while Ira and Gula were represented by their respective weapons.

Now that Invidia was a part of our team, we’d performed the soul-merging spell once more, and the Sister of Envy had her own tattoo on my body. It matched her personality quite well, as it was a small heart-shaped symbol with a pink and black plaid pattern on the inside.

“Maybe I’m being paranoid,” I explained. “After all the shit I’ve been through in the last few years, I’m just preparing for the worst.”

“Ah, where’s the fun in that?” Todd scoffed. “What happened to the Jakey I used to know? The one who would fly by the seat of his pants and put off buying groceries so he could score tickets to Coachella?”

“That was before I became a demon slayer and the king of one of Hell’s Circles,” I reminded the imp. “There’s definitely a lot more at stake right now than a grumbling belly.”

“It will be alright, Jacob,” Sia promised. “We’ll most likely be back in our castle by nightfall tomorrow.”

Angelo Martatelli sat in the last seat of our boat, and his eyes zoned out as he stared in horror at the murky depths he’d been rescued from. The Shade had only been free of his watery grave for about a day, and I couldn’t blame the guy for being skittish as he passed through his old resting place.

“I wonder how the sub is doing?” Liby asked. “We should probably check on her.”

The dark-haired succubus carefully walked to the back of the boat, bent over, and grabbed a thick piece of rope attached to its stern. She started to pull it toward her body, end-over-end, until Ira’s sub popped up from beneath the surface.

The sub shook the water out of her hair and shot Liby a dirty look.

“Why the fuck did you pull me out?” she demanded as she pulled herself into the dinghy. “I was almost there! My lungs were all full of water, the rope was tightening around my neck, and we were just getting into the part where all the swords and spikes and pointy things were … ”

“I just wanted to make sure you were still breathing,” Liby explained. “I was never crazy about this traveling arrangement, you know.”

“Well there,” the sub sighed, “I’m breathing. Now, can I get back down there before we come across the people who died by the electric chair? There’s nothing that tells me I’ve been a naughty kitty more than ten thousand volts straight through my body.”

Libidine rolled her eyes and nodded.

Without another moment’s hesitation, the sub wrapped the end of the rope around her ankle, turned around, and leapt back into the water.

Angelo muttered something in Italian, and Superbia giggled.

“He says the kinky one is strange,” she explained.

“Hey, there wasn’t any more room in the boat,” I explained. “It was her idea, and I wasn’t going to say ‘no’ to having an extra teammate for this mission.”

Of course, the sub’s “mission” had ulterior motives. Once we were back on Earth, Ira instructed her submissive half to go on with her political career, while the dominant half stayed in Hell. If we ever needed the Sister of Wrath to be her full self, she would just call her other half back to her, wherever she may be.

“Baphomet must really have his hands tied,” I observed as I scanned the sky. “There hasn’t been a single sign of the furry bastard.”

“If you haven’t noticed,” Eligor spoke up, “none of the areas we’ve been through so far have had their Shades returned. Corralling hundreds of thousands of undead spirits must be harder than it sounds.”

“Which reminds me,” I pondered aloud, “exactly how invincible is my ‘undead’ Shade army? Do we even need to worry about getting my cultists or forming any more alliances?”

“Of course we do!” Eligor shot back. “They may be immortal, Jacob, but the forces of our enemies outnumber them at least ten to one, and they could continue to grow if Beelzebub keeps forming alliances.”

“Zerg rush, bro,” Todd elaborated. “Invincibility does you no good if you’ve got twenty guys piled on top of you. No homo.”

It wasn’t long before we approached the massive waterfall of fire that acted as the entrance to the Sixth Circle. This time, we made quick work of it with a cast of my purple Hellfire and Eligor’s elemental magic. As soon as there was a gap wide enough to fit our boat, I commanded it forward. Within seconds we went under the waterfall, passed through the glowing green portal, and then came out on the other side unscathed.

The Sixth Circle was just as desolate and depressing as the first time we’d been here. The sky was still a bloody orange hue, and everything on the ground was either dead or dying.

Suddenly, Martatelli leaned over the side of the boat and vomited violently. He wiped his lips with the sleeve of his shirt, turned to Sia, and grumbled something in his native tongue.

Superbia responded in the same foreign language as she put her arm on the Shade’s shoulder reassuringly.

“He apologizes,” she explained to us. “He’s not used to the whole ‘interdimensional travel’ business quite yet.”

“It’s fine,” I chuckled. “Now, can you ask him how far we need to go to find this portal?”

Sia turned to the dark-haired man and reiterated my question in Italian. The scientist responded with a very long rant, but Superbia listened patiently and nodded occasionally as he spoke. Every now and again, the redhead would say something back to Martatelli. Finally, she looked over at me and sighed.

“What was that all about?” I asked as I felt my heart slide down my throat.

I had no idea what the fuck the scientist just told Sia, but from my point of view it didn’t look like it was anything good.

“He says the location is based on a ton of variables,” the redhead clarified. “He knows the general location of the portal, but his calculations couldn’t pin down the exact tomb it is in. If it’s even in a tomb.”

“Then we’ll tear apart every tomb in the Sixth Circle until we find it,” I retorted. “But we need a direction first.”

“He also told me we must proceed with caution,” she warned. “These tombs were reserved for the greatest heretics in human history as well as any deities that were worshiped as false gods. Needless to say, many of these beings are powerful sorcerers. If we go around haphazardly cracking tombs open, we may end up with more than we can handle.”

“Is there any way to tell the difference between the tombs of the heretics and the Porta ad Terram?” I asked and rubbed my temple frustratedly.

Sia asked the Shade, and he responded with a shake of his head. He muttered a few words in Italian, and then the succubus translated.

“The Porta ad Terram is illegal based on the Heaven-Hell Accords of 468 B.C.” she explained. “So wherever it is, it’ll be hidden in plain sight. Martatelli says it wouldn’t be a good secret portal if it didn’t blend in with the rest of the landscape.”

“Then it sounds like we’ve got our work cut out for us,” I said with a frown. “Martatelli, point us in the right direction.”

Even though we spoke two different languages, Martatelli must have understood what I was saying. He gave me a solemn nod, stood up in the boat, and then motioned for me to continue down the River of Souls.

We floated down the winding body of water for another twenty minutes, and then the scientist held up his hand and made a “stop” motion.

I decast my purple Hellfire, and Charon’s old boat floated to a halt. We docked it up on the sandy bank of the river, and then exited the boat in a hurry.

Ira’s sub washed up onto the shore behind us with the rope still wrapped around her ankle. The dark-haired woman’s chest was heaving violently as she sprawled onto the sand in a spread-eagle position and began to pant heavily.

“Best. Trip. Ever.” she sighed longingly as she covered herself with gold Hellfire and healed all of the bruises and scrapes on her body.

The sub rolled over onto her hands and knees, and I couldn’t help but stare at the massive cleavage her leather top created. Then Ira’s submissive half jumped up with a single bound and ran over to our position.

Martatelli led the way, and the six of us followed the Renaissance scientist toward the location of the Porta ad Terram. We journeyed on foot for another hour or so, and the sounds of our feet were only accompanied by the occasional scream of pain from a nearby tomb or Todd’s not-so-quiet humming.

In the amount of time it took us to get to our final destination, I swear the imp had rattled off Nirvana’s entire discography.

Martatelli halted his gait in between two rows of tombs and gestured down the line.

All around us stood tombs of all shapes and sizes. Though many of them appeared to be human-sized, there were several that looked like they’d been made to hold the souls of much larger beasts. Each one was made of brimstone, but they offered different designs. Some of the tombs bore statues, while others had carvings on their lids, and others were little more than black boxes sticking out of the ground.

The rows seemed to stretch on for miles, and I realized this was going to be much tougher than I had originally thought.

Worst of all, however, was the constant drone of sorrowful wails that filled the air. They mixed together into one long, continuous tone that pounded in my head and made it hard to think.

“So, this is the place?” I asked as I raised my voice over the sounds of torment.

Martatelli nodded.

“Alright then, let’s get a-cracking!” Todd exclaimed and then cracked his knuckles.

The imp ran over to the nearest tomb, hoisted himself up into the air on his black flames, and then unleashed a miniature hailstorm of fireballs down onto the sarcophagus.

The dozens of mini projectiles struck the tomb and left singe marks on its dark gray exterior, but nothing happened.

“Ughhhh,” Todd groaned. “Please don’t tell me every single one of these things is a puzzle like the last one.”

“They’re not,” Eligor explained. “You’re just not hitting them hard enough. Let me try.”

The blonde knight unsheathed the dual swords that hung on her sliver of a belt, held them into the air, and enchanted them with her lime-green Hellfire. Then she pulled her arms back and heaved her weapons forward with a loud grunt.

The blades of the sword stabbed into the crevice between the tomb and its lid, and then the entire brimstone structure was encased with Green Hellfire.

Eligor let out another growl of determination as she pushed her blades downward and tried to force the lid of the tomb open. Finally, there was a loud grating sound as rock rubbed on rock, and the lid broke free. The knight pushed the top off with all of her strength and then watched as it clanged to the ground.

Instantly, a Shade popped out of the tomb, looked around in a panic, and then leapt over the side. He yelled something in German and ran off before any of us could stop him.

“Welp, I’m guessing that wasn’t the right one,” Todd mused. “Unless the Porta ad Terram comes out in Krautland.”

“Let’s try this one,” I ordered as I made my way toward a tomb a few feet away. “This one looks more demon-sized.”

I unsheathed the Unhallowed Sword from my belt, enchanted it with my Hellfire, and then raised it above my head. I brought the weapon down onto the brimstone as hard as I could, and the impact from the blow cracked the lid open like an egg. I started to reach for the fracture, but then something from the other side of the sarcophagus lid unleashed an inhuman shriek.

The lid began to quiver from the blows of whatever was inside this massive grave as the seam in the brimstone started to grow longer.

“Fuck!” I growled. “We need to close this now!”

I jumped up onto the tomb and threw my entire bulk down onto the cover. The metal of my armor rattled with each of the creature’s blows, and I knew instantly this wasn’t going to be enough to keep him from breaking out. I held on for dear life as the blows became more and more violent.

“Hold on, Jacob!” Sia cried as she ran over to the sarcophagus.

The succubus madame summoned golden Hellfire into her hand, slapped it against the side of the tomb, and forced her spell to spread. Within seconds, the entire structure was aglow with her healing spell, and then the crack beneath me began to pull itself together and seal shut.

The blows of the creature continued, but now that the tomb was sealed again it could do little more than make noise.

I slid off the rocky grave, placed my hands on my knees, and let out a deep sigh.

“That wasn’t it, either,” I groaned.

We moved on to the next few tombs, but they were also filled with nothing but regular Shades.

“Damn it!” Eligor growled. “These rows stretch on for miles. How are we ever going to find this thing?”

Martatelli began to ramble on in Italian as Superbia listened with bated breath.

“He says he is certain the portal is within a mile of this exact location,” Sia translated. “His research hasn’t failed him yet.”

“That’s still, like, two-hundred tombs,” Todd groaned. “We shoulda brought an enchanted jackhammer along or something.”

“He keeps talking about his ‘research,’” Libidine asked. “But what exactly is it? How on Earth does he know the Porta ad Terram is in this area?”

Superbia turned and asked the scientist something in Italian.

Meanwhile, Ira’ sub was gleefully rubbing her half-naked body against the side of one of the tombs.

“Oh yeah, that’s the stuff,” she moaned as her eyes rolled back in her head. “Just like coarse sandpaper.”

“Angelo has been studying the occult his entire life,” Superbia explained. “He says nobody ever believed him when he talked about demons and interdimensional portals and the like, but he encountered too many anomalies in his life to completely disregard them as coincidences. For example, he claims to have seen the demon Moloch walking through the streets of Rome. He also believes there was a secret ‘anti-vatican’ city that was a safe haven for demons on Earth, not far from the actual Vatican in Italy.”

“Okay … ” I said, somewhat unconvinced. “What does that have to do with the Porta ad Terram?”

“Everything,” the redhead retorted. “In Martatelli’s research, where do you think this portal led to?”

“So you’re saying that, if we find this thing and go through it, we’re gonna end up in some demon sanctuary?” Todd gasped. “That sounds muy no bueno.”

“Angelo here though spent most of his life trying to discover this portal and to convince the Church we had demons living among us,” Sia continued.

“But they obviously didn’t believe him,” Todd interrupted. “If they had, he wouldn’t have been all ragdolled on the wheel of torture.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Todd,” the redhead said grimly. “They killed Martatelli because he knew too much, not because they thought he was crazy. Why wouldn’t they see him as a threat? If he could prove his information, could you imagine the chaos it would have caused? Demon-worshiping cults would have increased tenfold, entire non-judeochristian civilizations would have crumbled, mortals would have tried to interfere with the Great War … it would have changed the course of human history, and they couldn’t have that.”

“Typical,” I spat.

“Anyway,” Sia tried to get back on track, “Martatelli thought he discovered the location of this interdimensional portal on Earth. He had the coordinates mapped out and everything. Then he noticed something peculiar when he was looking at the maps in our castle’s library. The map of the Sixth Circle lined up perfectly with the map of the ‘Anti-Vatican’ he had discovered.”

“So wait,” I pondered aloud. “The Circles of Hell are just what, mirror images of Earth?”

Sia and Martatelli engaged in conversation once more, until the madame got the answers she was looking for.

“Not exactly,” Sia explained. “Angelo believes each Circle of Hell has an Earthly counterpart, each with their own portal that allows demons to travel between Earth and Hell.”

“Then why did we have to come all the way out here?” I asked with a tinge of annoyance in my voice. “Why couldn’t we have looked for these things in the First or the Fourth Circle, where it was a little less hostile?”

“Because,” Sia argued, “this is the one Martatelli could pinpoint. We could be searching for years if we tried to find the ones in the other Circles, and that is time we cannot afford to waste.”

“Alright, gang,” I sighed and turned around to address my friends. “It looks like we’re gonna need to split up and--”

Suddenly, a massive wave of fire erupted from a nearby tomb. The red-hot flames struck Martatelli at point-black range, and the scientist let out a scream as he began to run around with his body completely aflame.

“Cavalo!” he yelled as he began to stop, drop, and roll. “Cazzo! Cazzo!”

I turned around to see one of the nearby tombs, the one that had shot the flames, had been blown open.

Out of its depths rose a large figure who was completely engulfed in red Hellfire. His body took on the shape of a wide, bulky human, but the only thing that could be seen through the flames were his two black eyes. The creature pulled itself out of the tomb, landed on the ground, and scorched all of the dead plants around him.

“You seek the portal,” the monster’s distorted voice mused. “My master knew you were up to no good.”

“And just who the fuck are you?” I growled and took a fighting stance.

“How rude of me,” the demonic figure mocked. “My name is Temeluchas, and I’ve been tasked by Gressil to find out just what the new King of the Fourth Circle was doing snooping around in his territory.”

“If the King of the Sixth Circle has a quarrel with me, he needs to be a man and take it up with me personally,” I shot back. “I mean him no harm.”

“No harm?” the Hellfire spirit hissed. “You enter his domain not once, but twice, unannounced. You free several of his subjects, including the traitorous demon Mephisto, and now you wish to use his portal for your own selfish needs?”

“Let me handle this, bro,” Todd said as he cleared his throat and stepped forward. “This guy’s got no legal footing to stand on.”

“Todd, I don’t think--” I started, but the imp cut me off with a wave of his hand.

“Trust me, Jakey,” he promised. “You didn’t make me the main judge of the Fourth Circle for nothing. Now, Mr. Temelicious … what my King here is doing is perfectly within his legal rights. It says right there in the Charter of Year Zero that any of the Demon Kings can cross over into their peers’ kingdoms as so long as they don’t declare it as an act of war. Sure, Jakey here released one of your prisoners, but I would argue that’s a misdemeanor, not ‘an act of war.’ And the shit with the portal? Those things are highly illegal in and of themselves, bro. If anyone found out you had one of those things, they’d--”

Without warning, a blast of Hellfire struck the imp square in the chest. He flew back through the air, smashed into a tomb so hard it made a small dent, and then crumpled to the ground.

“Todd!” Sia gasped.

“M-Matlock totally didn’t prepare me for that, bro,” Todd joked weakly, and then his head fell unconscious to the ground.

“Enough of your games, ‘King Ralston,’” Temeluchas sneered. “You are trespassing on Gressil’s domain. For that, you will pay the ultimate price.”

All across the landscape, tombs began to open randomly. From each of these sarcophagi jumped demons that stood nearly seven feet tall, all with the muscles of a bodybuilder. Their skin was as pale as ash, and the sun glistened off their bald heads. Their eyes were sunken and black, and every one of the grunts’ right hands were replaced by a short, metal, three-pronged spear.

The ghastly-looking fuckers made their way over to our position and took their place behind the flaming spirit.

“Tartaruchi,” Temeluchas explained. “The keepers of Hell, also known as ‘Lucifer’s little helpers.’ I hope this journey was worth it, King Ralston. Because there will be no journey back.”

“Look on the bright side,” Libidine tried to make light of the situation as she walked up beside me and summoned yellow flames into her hand. “At least that’s one-hundred less tombs to open.”

Chapter 16

“Sia!” I commanded the succubus madame. “Heal up Todd and Martatelli. Liby and Eligor, help me flank these motherfuckers.”

“What about me, master?” Ira’s sub purred.

“We need a distraction. You do … whatever the fuck it is you do,” I conceded. “Make ‘em hurt.”

“Oh, it’s gonna be quite the opposite,” the dark-haired sub explained. “They’re gonna make me hurt, and it’s gonna be faaaabulous!”

Without another word, the succubus sprinted directly at Temeluchas and his miniature army. Before she could even get close enough to attack him with her whip, her entire body was engulfed with a blast of red-hot Hellfire. The sub fell to her knees, looked up at the demon, and let out a soft groan.

“Is that all you’ve got?” she nearly moaned. “I’ve had indigestion that burned more than that!”

Temeluchas growled angrily and then blasted the sub with another bout of Hellfire.

While she had the demon’s attention, Eligor, Liby, and I darted off in three different directions.

I came around the right side of the pale demons, and it didn’t take long for the first one to notice me.

The Tartaruchi warrior let out an inhuman hiss as he raised his pronged hand and charged at me with murder in his eyes. Four more of his brethren joined in the assault, but I was quick on the draw.

I blasted the nearest one with a shot of red Hellfire, and his entire body was tossed backward like a ragdoll as a basketball-sized hole appeared in his chest.

The other four demons were within striking distance, and I had to think fast on my feet. With my left hand, I threw up a small barrier of purple Hellfire and dispelled one of the blows. With the other hand, I tossed out a small green portal directly in front of the second demon’s strike.

His three-pronged hand reappeared to the left of the fourth demon’s head, and then the tiny spears jabbed through his head like it was a balloon filled with gore.

I wasn’t able to block the third Tartaruchi’s blow, but thankfully it struck me in the armored steel of my breastplate. The weapon lodged itself into the metal that protected my vital organs, and I had the bastard right where I wanted him.

In one swift motion, I reached down, grabbed the goat-headed dagger from my belt, and stabbed it into the demon’s eye. The blade made a wet “shlock” sound as the point of my blade skewered his iris and pushed all the way through to his brain. I pulled back the dagger, and the Tartaruchi fell to the ground, dead.

I didn’t have time to celebrate. There were still two more of the fuckers to deal with.

One of the remaining assailants lashed out at me again with his trident, but I was able to dodge backward and out of the way. At the same time I turned the other Tartaruchi into a demonic pincushion with a handful of glowing yellow shuriken.

I flipped my goat-headed dagger into my other hand and began to stab the final demon in the stomach in rapid succession.

Blood sprayed out of the Tartarcuhi’s stomach as if it had been turned into a strainer filled with viscera, and then he fell over and clutched his wounds as he bled out.

I looked up to survey the battlefield, and I saw Libidine had gone airborne.

The Sister of Lust dive-bombed the Tartaruchi as she unleashed handful after handful of yellow daggers. As she approached ground level, Liby summoned a large yellow spear into her hands and stabbed it into the closest target she could find.

One of the pale demons flailed as the succubus picked him up by his skewered neck, but then he went limp as gravity separated the rest of his tendons and muscles from his body.

Meanwhile, I could just make out Eligor as the knight tore through the crowd with her swords. Spouts of blood sprayed up into the sky as she pushed through the Tartaruchi horde, intermixed with the occasional clash of metal against metal.

All the way back at our original position, a newly-healed Todd was on his feet next to Superbia. The imp was hurling fireballs nearly as fast as an assault rifle fired bullets, and Sia was using her black Hellfire to strangle some of the Tartaruchi to death.

A group of the demon fuckers had surrounded Ira’s sub, and they were going to town on her with everything they had. Little did they know, of course, that the succubus was having the time of her life.

But wait, where was Temeluchas?

Unfortunately, the demon’s stealth tactics were severely lacking. I felt the intense heat that radiated off Temeluchas long before I saw him, and I quickly rolled out of the way as a blast of Hellfire struck the ground beside me.

I unsheathed the Unhallowed Sword from my belt as I leapt back onto my feet and turned to face the fire demon.

Temeluchas was standing directly behind me, with his body aglow with shimmering red Hellfire and his beady black eyes frozen in a look of anger.

“Did you really think I was going to let my minions have all the fun?” he mused. “I want to be the one to see the life drain from your eyes, King Ralston. I look forward to telling Gressil how you begged and pleaded for your sorry mortal life before I ended it.”

“Not a chance, asshole,” I growled as I formulated a plan.

I could almost guarantee my red Hellfire was useless against this guy, and I didn’t see my yellow spell faring much better. Maybe I could try to smother the fucker? I wasn’t sure exactly how the laws of physics applied to magical demon flames, but it was worth a shot.

I threw up a wall of purple fire as Temeluchas unleashed his next attack, and the red flames ricocheted off my spell harmlessly. I started to push my large barrier forward, but the demon’s attack pushed back with equal force. I let out a loud scream of frustration as I thought about what was at stake here.

If I didn’t defeat these bastards, they were going to kill me and all my friends. Best case scenario, we would be forced to retreat, and we may never get a shot at finding the Porta ad Terram ever again.

I wasn’t going to let that happen.

I let out another deep growl as I increased the power of my blast, and then my spell finally began to overtake Temeluchas’. I pushed back against the demon until the purple wall was right up next to his body, and then I struck.

I made a folding motion with my hands, and the large wall of violet fire bent around Temeluchas’ body on all sides. If I couldn’t hurt him with my spells while he was on fire, then I was just going to have to snuff out his flames first. I moved my hands toward each other, palm-open, and the makeshift prison began to close around the fiery demon.

Temeluchas was forced into the fetal position as the walls closed around him, but he was able to push back with his own fire just enough to keep himself from being crushed.

“Come on,” I grumbled aloud. “Fucking go out.”

The fire demon screamed something to his followers, and a small band of Tartaruchi turned their attention back to me. They hissed as their massive frames dashed toward our position with their skewers at the ready.

Fuck it. I was gonna have to be more creative than that if I wanted to kill this guy.

I released the purple spell and drew my sword. I lopped off the first Tartaruchi’s head with a swing of my blade, and then I quickly ducked as the three-pronged weapon stabbed at my throat. Still in a full crouch, I spun around with my enchanted sword and took out the legs of the demons who’d surrounded me.

Blood spilled onto the ground as their tendons were severed and they collapsed to their knees. Before they could make another move, I threw a handful of shuriken into their skulls and put them out of their misery.

I flipped around just in time to throw up another wall of purple Hellfire and avoid getting turned into human charcoal by Temeluchas. I felt my heels dig into the sandy ground behind me as I tried to push back against the demon’s assault, but he definitely had the upper hand on this one.

Then I remembered the old adage: that sometimes the best offense is a good defense.

I pulled my protective spell back into my body and formed my suit of Hellfire armor just as I was consumed by the blazing inferno. Sure enough, when the flames finally settled, I was still all in one piece.

And adorned with a badass suit of glowing purple armor.

“W-What?” Temeluchas gasped. “How did you … Demon Kings can’t even pull off that sorcery!”

“I’ve got news for you, starburst,” I hissed and readied the Unhallowed Sword. “I am a fucking Demon King.”

I dashed toward the fire demon, leapt into the air, and struck at him with my pitch-black blade. My attack hit Temeluchas right at his mid-torso, but it simply smacked into his ribcage and sent him tumbling to the side.

“Damn it!” I cursed under my breath.

This guy really wasn’t playing games. He really was immune to every type of Hellfire.

The next thing I knew, Temeluchas came up swinging. I felt his fist strike the side of my enchanted helmet, and my head snapped to the side from the impact. I stumbled to the right, dragged my sword off the ground, and took another shot at the demon.

Temeluchas caught my blade in his hand, and then I doubled over in pain as his fist struck me in the gut. The demon unleashed another blast of red Hellfire at point-blank range and flung me across the landscape like a discarded cigarette butt.

I hit the ground hard and tumbled for a few seconds as the taste of gritty Earth filled my mouth. Finally, I rolled to a stop and tried to get the world to stop spinning.

“Hey-ya, Jakey!” Todd exclaimed. “I didn’t think you were gonna join the party.”

The imp splattered the brains out of an incoming Tartaruchi with a small fireball, and then he blasted another one in the dick. The pale demon fell to his knees and grabbed his crotch, and then the imp zipped over and finished him off with a swipe of his razor-sharp claws.

Meanwhile, Superbia had a massive pile of dead demons lying in front of her. The redhead blasted another one with her fear magic, lifted them into the air, and watched with glee as its face turned purple.

Then there was Angelo, who sat cowering behind a rock and mumbling to himself in Italian.

“Rrrrralston!” Temeluchas roared as he rocketed toward us.

“Sia, new plan!” I called out to the succubus madame. “Hit that demon with your black Hellfire, every ounce of strength you’ve got. Todd, do you think you can handle all these incoming Tartaruchi?”

“Totally, bro,” Todd mused, “just call me the pimp, because I’m about to make all these guys my bitches! But I’m gonna need a sidekick. Marty, get over here!”

When Angelo didn’t respond, Todd dashed over to the scientist and yanked him to his feet. Martatelli tried to protest, but Todd cut him off with a wave of his hand.

“I don’t-a speak-a the Italiaan,” the imp explained in his best Mario accent. “Now lets-a-go!”

The two turned back toward the charging demons and began to run toward the onslaught.

Superbia tossed another dead demon onto the pile and then turned to face the incoming fire spirit. She summoned black Hellfire into her hands, clapped them together, and blasted at Temeluchas with a beam of dark magic.

The attack hit the fire demon mid-flight, and his eyes went wide as he suddenly lost his momentum and fell out of the sky. His body rolled right at me, so I readied the Unhallowed Sword.

“Batter up!” I mused and took a swing at the demon.

My blade crashed into the fucker and caused him to let out a shriek of pain. His body changed trajectory, and then he flipped up and landed on his feet.

“Looks like you’re not so invincible after all,” I mocked. “What’s the matter, cat got your tongue?”

The fire demon tried to speak, but all that came out was a dull wheeze.

Sia’s spell was working its magic, and the bastard was getting weaker by the second.

I ran at Temeluchas and took a stab at him with the point of my sword, but he was able to sidestep the attack. I brought the weapon upward in a diagonal motion, sliced it across his left arm, and then quickly slugged the fucker in the face.

Temeluchas fell onto his ass as steam erupted from his wound.

That was definitely a new one.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of pink Hellfire, and a bunch of Tartaruchi were thrown in all directions. Ira’s sub stood up, surrounded by golden flames, and cracked her neck.

“That was disappointing,” she sighed. “You all have those fancy pronged hands, but you don’t even have the slightest idea on how to use them.”

The sub went to work with her glowing red whip, and I turned my attention back to the struggling fire demon.

I jabbed at the fucker again, but this time I was able to hit him right in his left shoulder. Steam shot out of Temeluchas’ wound like it was pressure-released, and the demon let out a wail of pain.

“Caaaazzzooooo!” Angelo cursed as his body came careening through the sky out of nowhere.

The scientist smashed into Sia, and her concentration was lost. The black Hellfire disappeared from around Temeluchas’ body, and I quickly raised the Unhallowed Sword to go in for the killing blow.

The fire demon pulled his head and arms into his body, focused his energy, and then knocked me away with an intense pulse of Hellfire.

I rolled through the dirt, sprang to my feet, and summoned green flames into my hands. I threw up a portal as the demon blasted at me again, but his attack just vanished into the interdimensional gateway and then reappeared directly over his body.

The beam of red Hellfire struck Temeluchas, but it didn’t quite have the effect I was looking for. Instead of hurting him or at least knocking him down, the blast was absorbed into his body. It was almost as if he were charging up.

The demon readied an even more powerful attack as I tried to figure out how the fuck I was going to take him down.

Then a glowing green boulder smashed the bastard down into the ground.

Eligor floated above the massive rock on her black angel wings, and then she gave me a wink.

“I figured you needed a hand,” she mused. “Plus, Liby and I killed most of the Tartaruchi over there, so I was getting a bit bored.”

“Speak for yourself, Goldilocks!” Todd gasped as he zipped over beside her. “Angelo and I are getting our asses kicked!”

I looked over and saw he was right.

The remaining Tartaruchi were now holding Martatelli above their heads, and four of the demons stretched his appendages in opposite directions.

Angelo cursed in Italian as Sia tried to save him, but there were far too many demons left for the succubus to handle.

I ran over to the small gathering of Tartaruchi and whistled to get their attention. I unleashed a handful of yellow shuriken into the crowd and killed a few of the fuckers. But, more importantly, I got the attention of the rest of the survivors.

They tossed Martatelli up into the air, and Libidine zipped over and plucked him out of the sky.

There were only about twenty of the demon grunts left.

Soon there would be zero.

I sheathed my sword, summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, and then created two massive walls around the remaining demons. Then I slowly brought my hands together, and the walls followed suit.

The Tartaruchi were able to use their combined strength to hold back the walls and keep them from turning them into a gory pulp, but that was never my end goal.

I released the spell in one hand, called forth my silver Hellfire, and reached out to the prongs that jutted out of their arms. I could feel the metal turning into liquid as I ordered it to rise up above the demons’ position. Soon, there was a large puddle of shimmering liquid metal in between the enchanted walls.

I ordered the metal to stretch out the full length of my barriers and sharpen its bottom edge into a sharp wedge. Now, I essentially had a twenty-foot long guillotine.

The Tartaruchi began to panic and push toward either end of the narrow hallway, but it was too late.

I released the metal from my spell and let gravity take over.

The giant blade struck the group of Tartaruchi, and a huge splash of blood sprayed up into the air, accompanied by a loud “crunch.”

I de-cast my protective spell and took in the damage.

Several of the demons were now laying on the ground, writhing in pain. Some of them were missing limbs, while others had been cut clean in half by the falling blade. Others laid in a crumpled heap of protruding bones and pulpy flesh.

If they weren’t dead already, they sure as fuck would be soon.

“What about hothead over there?” Todd interjected as he flew over to me and pointed at Eligor’s boulder.

I looked back and saw that, despite the knight’s best efforts, cracks were beginning to form in the rock. Temeluchas would be out in a few moments, and we needed to be prepared.

“At least we know how to hurt him now,” Sia explained. “I can hit him with my black Hellfire again, and then you can finish him off.”

“That won’t work,” Eligor sighed. “He’s a spirit of pure Hellfire. You can injure him with your black magic, but it’s still not going to allow you to kill him.”

“So, we’re basically fucked?” I growled. “If we can’t kill him with our weapons or our magic, how are we supposed to keep him out of our business?”

Martatelli said something in Italian, but I had no idea what he was talking about.

“Could we try and turn him on our side?” Libidine asked curiously. “He could be a valuable ally.”

Angelo repeated the same phrase, but I was too lost in thought to pay it any attention.

“That won’t work,” I sighed. “If he wasn’t pissed before you trapped him in a boulder, he will be when he gets out.”

Martatelli was now shouting the same phrase he’d mentioned twice before, and I looked over at Sia in the hopes that she’d translate.

“He says there are fates worse than death,” the redhead explained. “Particularly, eternal damnation.”

“The tombs?” I pondered aloud. “He was in one earlier. We saw him break out of it like it was nothing.”

“Not if we quell his powers first!” Eligor snapped her fingers.

“I can’t hold my fear magic forever,” Sia protested. “The second we seal the tomb, it goes away.”

“Not your magic, Superbia,” the blonde knight shot back. “There’s another way … ”

“Ectoplasm,” I gasped as it dawned on me. “The River of Souls!”

“Precisely.” Eligor grinned.

“Can you handle that?” I asked. “It’s a long way away.”

“Sure I can,” the blonde woman reassured me. “As long as you guys can keep him busy for a minute or two.”

“A minute or two?” Todd joked. “Goldilocks, the Toddster is the king of ‘a minute or two.’”

“That’s … that’s really not something to brag about,” I laughed to the imp, and then I gave Eligor a nod. “Let him out.”

The blonde knight released her elemental spell, and the boulder that encased Temeluchas exploded into a million pieces. The fire demon raised up into the sky, increased the intensity of his flames, and let out a bellow of rage.

Behind him, Eligor was already focusing on summoning the water from the River of Souls.

Temeluchas let out two blasts of Hellfire from his hands, and we all ran for cover.

I threw up a small wall of purple flame in front of Liby and I as the flames bounced off the barrier at an angle.

Todd’s cover was a bit more unconventional. The imp ran over and threw himself on the ground behind Martatelli.

The scientist’s body was set ablaze by Temeluchas’ attack, and he screamed in his native tongue as the flames singed his flesh.

The demon finally let up on his attack, and I used the opportunity to try and distract him further.

I released my violet spell, changed the Hellfire in my hands to green, and then started to pick up pieces of the broken tombs telekinetically. Libidine must have understood what I was going for, because she followed suit.

Soon, shards of jagged brimstone were flying through the sky at the demon like tiny black darts. Temeluchas disintegrated the projectiles with his own magic, and then he shook his head and chuckled.

“Just give up,” he mused. “You’re only another mortal who thinks he can play in the big leagues. You thought the Seventy-Two Servants were tough? You think I’m hard to defeat? King Ralston, we’re just the tip of the iceberg. Do yourself a favor and let me kill you. Because I can promise you, I’ll be much, much kinder than any other demon you’ll face from here on out.”

“Piss off,” I growled as I noticed the massive pool of gray ectoplasm developing in Eligor’s hands. “You know, that’s exactly what all the other demons said. You know what happened to them? Now, they’re worm food.”

“You can’t kill me,” the fire demon laughed. “I’m the embodiment of Hellfire magic. It’s in my very soul, you fool. Nothing you could do would possibly--”

Temeluchas’ monologue was cut short when Eligor threw the ectoplasmic liquid onto his body. The demon’s eyes went wide as his flames flickered and then died. He fell to the ground with a hard thump, and then he began to panic as he tried to re-summon his flames.

Now that he wasn’t surrounded by bright red Hellfire, I could see Temeluchas was nothing more than a human-looking being whose skin looked like it was charred all the way down to the bone.

“Temeluchas,” I said in my most regal tone of voice.

“Oh, oh!” Todd snickered. “Jakey’s going all Shakespeare!”

“I, Jacob Ralston,” I continued and summoned bronze Hellfire into my hands, “the King of the Fourth Circle and Succubus Lord, sentence you to an eternity of damnation.”

“Fuck off,” the demon spat. “You’ll never be anything more than a pathetic mortal playing make-believe. You couldn’t punish a fucking fly, let alone--”

I blasted the sealed tomb behind Temeluchas with my bronze fire, and the lid of the sarcophagus cracked open violently.

There was a Shade inside who peeked his head out, let out a “whoohooo,” and then pulled himself out and dashed off into the horizon.

“That is where you’re going to spend the rest of eternity,” I hissed. “It’s honestly too good for you, but your invulnerability to Hellfire didn’t leave me with too many options.”

“Fuck you ‘King Ralston,’” Temeluchas growled. “When I get out of there, I’m going to--”

“You won’t get out,” I promised him. “Not while the King of the Fourth Circle is still around.”

The fire demon opened his mouth to say something, but I’d had enough of his shit.

I summoned red Hellfire into my hands, charged it up, and then blasted the fucker in the chest.

Temeluchas’ body flew backward into the fiery tomb, and for the first time ever, he could feel the very same pain he normally inflicted on other people. The demon screamed in agony as the fire engulfed his body, and he struggled to pull himself out of his prison.

However, we were already on it.

Eligor used her lime-green spell to raise the lid back onto the sarcophagus, and then Sia ran over and used her golden flames to heal it back to its original, sealed state.

The fire demon’s screams and pleas became muffled, but that was it. He wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.

I let out a deep sigh as I fell to my knees and tried to catch my breath. The adrenaline was still pounding through my veins, and my heart felt like it was beating at one-hundred miles per hour.

Sia healed up Martatelli, and then the scientist walked over to a nearby tomb. He studied the markings engraved into it for a few moments, and then his eyes lit up excitedly. Angelo grabbed Sia by the shoulders and began to babble to her in Italian. As he spoke, a sly smile crept up the succubus madame’s face.

“What is it?” I asked excitedly. “Is that the Porta ad Terram?”

“No,” Superbia admitted, “but he thinks he knows exactly where it is.”

Chapter 17

“He knows where the portal back to Earth is located?” I questioned Superbia. “Like, he knows the actual location.”

“That’s what he claims,” the madame said with a shrug.

“How?” I demanded. “Twenty minutes ago he only had a rough location.”

“That was before he saw the Tartaruchi and found these markings on the tombs,” she explained. “Come and see.”

The redhead led me over to the nearby tomb and ran her hand along its side. There, carved into the brimstone of the sarcophagus, were a series of symbols.

One looked like a stick-figure with horns. Another appeared to be an eye of some sort. Then there was a bird and a rhinoceros. Each one looked to be about as basic of an icon as could possibly be made.

“Do you know what these are, Jacob?” Sia asked curiously. “They’re Inferoglyphs. It’s an ancient form of writing used by demons before we adopted the human languages.”

“So, what?” I tried to follow. “They tell us where the Porta ad Terram is?”

“They tell the story of whoever is locked in the tomb,” the redhead continued.

“Ohhhhhh, I think I get it,” Todd spoke up. “There’s like, a secret message on one of these things.”

“And the one with the message is the one that will house the portal!” Libidine giggled as she bounced up and down.

“Inferoglyphs used only images that represented living things,” Sia explained. “So look for anything that’s not natural. An image of a plane or a pyramid or something of that nature.”

If Martatelli was right, then this endeavor just got a whole lot easier. Sure, we were still going to have to inspect all of these tombs, but at least we didn’t have to crack them open and risk unleashing whatever horrors were trapped inside.

“Has anybody seen Ira?” Eligor asked. “She kind of disappeared during the battle.”

“I know exactly where she is,” Liby sighed and rolled her eyes. “Follow me.”

The succubus led us over to where Sia had amassed the pile of Tartaruchi bodies. Then, she cleared her throat rather loudly, but nothing happened. She took a deep breath, waggled her body, and then tried again.

This time, the dead bodies began to stir, and then a few of them were pushed away as the sub’s dark-hair emerged from the mass grave.

“What do you want?” she groaned. “I was seeing how long I could hold my breath for. I was just getting to the part where my face turns blue and my vision starts to go blurry … ”

“Asphyxiate yourself later, Crazy Eyes,” Todd cackled to the succubus. “We’ve got a portal to find!”

“Fine … ” the dark-haired woman grumbled as she crawled her way to the top of the pile.

A few bodies flopped onto the ground as she moved, and then the sub gave a little stretch as she readjusted to being on her feet.

“We need to try and figure out what the markings on each of these tombs mean,” Superbia explained. “Does anyone besides myself read Inferoglyphs?”

Eligor and Todd both raised their hands in the air.

“No you do not,” the blonde knight scoffed and gave the imp a slight nudge.

“Sure I do,” Todd shot back. “I was reading Inferoglyphs before I could read English!”

“I’d actually believe him on this one,” I chuckled and shook my head. “If there’s one thing I know about Todd, it’s that he knows his occultist symbolism.”

“Damn straight,” the imp agreed, and then he crossed his arms over his chest and stuck out his tongue at Eligor.

“Excellent,” Sia observed. “Martatelli can read them as well. I’d suggest we let the scientist lead the way, and the rest of us can pair off so we can cover more ground.”

“I call Lib!” Todd exclaimed as he ran over to Libidine and hugged her leg like a spider monkey.

“I guess I’m with Todd,” the succubus chuckled.

“I will pair off with Ira’s half,” Sia sighed. “She’s the member of our team who’s most likely to get into trouble, so she’ll need to remain under my watchful eye.”

“Then that just leaves me and Jacob,” Eligor announced.

The blonde knight sauntered over beside me and then intertwined her fingers with mine.

“I can live with that,” I said as I stared into her deep blue eyes.

“It’s settled, then,” Sia declared. “We’ll split up and search the tombs. If you find anything, just let the rest of us know.”

The team gave the madame a nod of confirmation, and then we went on our separate ways.

The first tomb Eligor and I encountered was one that had a skull, a heart, a stick figure with horns, and a wilted flower.

“Oh,” the knight gasped. “What a terrible way to die.”

“What does it say?” I asked curiously.

“This is the gravesite of a man who fell in love with a nun,” she explained. “When she refused to break her sacred vows and love him back, he had her poisoned with a deadly flower.”

“You got all of that from a few symbols?” I whistled in disbelief.

“Don’t let appearances fool you,” Eligor warned. “Inferoglyphs are a highly technical and complex language.”

“If you way so,” I conceded. “You’re the expert here, not me. That one looks like it’s all in order, so let’s move on to the next one.”

We walked over to another sealed tomb triple the size of the regular-sized ones. From inside its brimstone walls we could hear low, guttural wails of pain that sounded like a cross between a bison and a whale.

Eligor knelt down and began to read the glyphs on the side.

“Oh, wow,” she said as she clicked her tongue. “So that’s where Alphamegnon went.”

“Alphamegnon?” I questioned. “I’ve never heard of that demon.”

“There are a lot of demons that never made it into the lore of Earth Realm,” the knight retorted. “This was one of them. As you can see, he was a fairly large beast, with dark black fur all over his body and an elongated snout. Then he had these huge ears and a massive hunch that connected to his muscles.”

“A bear,” I chuckled. “You’re describing a bear.”

“I’m not familiar with the beasts of Earth Realm,” the knight admitted. “But do these ‘bears’ have claws the size of your arm and jaws like that of a dragon?”

“Not quite,” I joked. “They’re much more timid. As long as you don’t fuck with their honey, of course.”

“It says here Alphamegnon was infected with the Divine Light during the Battle of Babylon and had to be sealed away so he didn’t wreak havoc in the netherrealm,” Eligor explained.

“So he’s on our side?” I asked. “Why don’t we just release him and let him fuck up the Sixth Circle?”

Eligor shook her head and gasped.

“Let him out?” she spat. “Beings who are infected with both Divine and Demonic magic are the most dangerous creatures of all. They have no allegiances to any higher power, and that makes them unpredictable.”

“Gee, thanks,” I shot back.

Eligor’s face turned red when she realized her blunder, and she covered her mouth with a slender hand as her eyes went wide.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I didn’t mean to--”

“It’s fine,” I laughed and shot the knight a wink. “Every woman on my team knows I’m dangerous.”

Eligor rolled her eyes, and then we moved on to the next tomb. We continued searching for the Porta ad Terram for another thirty minutes or so, but to no avail. Finally, I slumped down on the sandy ground and leaned back against one of the sarcophagi.

Todd and Liby walked over and shrugged their shoulders in frustration.

“Nothin’,” the imp sighed. “We’ve been to dozens of these things, and I haven’t seen a single clue to the portal, bro. We did find some really badass stories, though. You see that tomb over there? Guess who it belongs to … Friar. Fucking. Tuck.”

“From Robin Hood?” I asked skeptically. “I thought that was all just a legend.”

“No, bro,” the imp said as he began to make large, sweeping gestures. “The Inferoglyphs talk all about how he landed here after him and Lil’ John raided a corrupt cathedral and stole all their shit.”

“Don’t you mean ‘Little John?’” I couldn’t help but snort as the words came out.

“That’s what I said, bro,” Todd continued. “Lil’ John.”

“Riggghhht,” I conceded as I leaned by head back against the rocky structure. “I wonder if Sia or Martatelli are having any more luck?”

“Unfortunately not,” Superbia’s voice spoke up from beside me.

I looked over and saw the petite redhead approaching with her head hung in sadness. She sat her ass down on the top of the tomb, laid back, and then let out a loud groan.

“Where’s the sub?” I questioned the madame. “Please don’t tell me--”

“Lord knows,” Sia said with a roll of her eyes. “Probably off pinning herself under a statue or something of that nature.”

Martatelli was off in the distance, squatting down to read the symbols on one of the brimstone boxes.

“What about him?” I asked aloud. “He’s a Shade. Does he get to come with us when we open the portal?”

“Yes and no,” Sia explained. “Once a human is dead, they’re dead. If Martatelli follows us through that the Porta ad Terram, he will lose all of his physical sensations and the ability to interact with physical objects. In short, he’d be a ghost.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Libidine admitted.

“It’s not,” Sia agreed, “but it would be quite frustrating to go from being a full-fledged being down here to a disembodied spirit.”

“Yoooohoooooo!” Ira’s sub called out from somewhere behind us. “Guys, come look at this!”

“I don’t even want to know what you’re doing,” Superia growled.

“It’s not that, Sister!” the sub promised. “Come look!”

“Again?” Todd snickered, and then he made his way around the tomb and over to where the Sister of Wrath was located.

The rest of us stood up and followed the imp until we finally reached the succubus. The sub was leaned up against a regular-sized tomb as she smoked a cigarette and made orgasmic noises.

“What’ya got for us, Crazy Eyes?” Todd asked as he hopped up on a small, stony pillar a few feet away.

“These markings look funny.” She shrugged. “While I was inspecting this rock over here, I noticed this tomb has a marking we haven’t seen before.”

“This … pillar?” Todd shuddered as he looked down at the rocky surface that his bare hooves were standing on. “Is … is that why it’s so sticky?”

Ira’s sub winked at the imp, and he let out a blood-curdling scream as he jumped off quicker than lightning. The second he landed on the ground he began to wipe his tiny hooves against the dirt in a frenzy, and then he curled up into a ball on the ground and continued to shake.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” I reassured the rest of the group. “What does it say?”

Eligor and Sia strutted over to the tomb, bent down, and studied the Inferoglyphs.

I knew I should have been paying attention to the symbols, but I was much too distracted by the women’s tight asses. Suddenly, all the dirty thoughts swirling around in my mind were interrupted by a slew of Italian words I didn’t understand. I jumped up, whipped around, and saw Angelo was standing behind me with his hands on his hips and an accusatory look on his face.

“Oh, please,” I retorted, even though I knew he couldn’t understand me. “Don’t act like you wouldn’t be the same.”

“Here lies a man of two minds,” Sia read aloud. “A man with many faces, who is always two places at once.”

“Sounds a lot like an interdimensional portal to me,” Liby observed. “Two places at once? And a man with many faces? That sounds just like the demons we encountered back in Earth Realm.”

“There’s only one way we’re going to find out,” Eligor exclaimed. “Help me open it.”

The knight summoned lime green Hellfire into her hands, blasted at the tomb, and then grunted as she tried to force it open.

“Here,” I offered as I called forth my bronze flame of judgement. “Let me get that for you.”

I blasted the sarcophagus with a beam of fire, and the lid began to splinter and crack as the very molecules of the brimstone trembled. Finally, a massive crevice formed directly down the middle, and Eligor’s spell forced the two halves to pull apart.

“I loosened that for you,” the knight joked dryly.

Martatelli dashed over to the side of the tomb, peered over the edge, and then let out a small squeal of glee. The scientist started to say a bunch of happy-sounding words in his native tongue as he began to do a celebratory jig.

The rest of us walked over to see for ourselves, and our eyes were met with a deep green glow as we peered into the tomb. There it was, a large portal of emerald Hellfire.

The Porta ad Terram.

“This is it, guys,” I announced happily. “Now we can travel back and forth between Earth and Hell on a whim.”

“Well?” Liby said sarcastically as she quirked her eyebrow. “What are you waiting for? Let’s jump in!”

“Ladies first,” I shot back with a smirk, and then I stepped to the side and motioned to the portal.

Liby wasted no time in taking on my challenge. The dark-haired succubus took a running start toward the tomb, threw her hands onto the side of the structure, and hoisted herself over the ledge. Her body disappeared into the glowing fire below as green flames danced up into the sky.

Superbia was next, followed by Ira’s sub, and then Martatelli.

“Looks like he wanted to become Casper after all, huh?” Todd chuckled. “Alley oop!”

The imp ran across the sandy landscape, somersaulted into the air, and cannonballed into the fiery depths below.

“You sure you want to come to Earth?” I asked Eligor one last time. “It’s waaaay different than Hell. For example, we don’t all eat Vargrats up there. Also, your outfit would turn a lot of heads, and not in a good way.”

“Wherever you will go, I will go,” the knight purred back. “My king.”

Shivers shot down my body when I heard the blonde utter the words. No matter how many times I heard it, it still felt surreal. Hearing it from a sexy fallen angel, however, made it ten times sweeter.

Eligor realized what she had just said, and the color drained from her face.

“I- I mean,” she stammered, “Lilith is my Queen. You’re only my friend. And teammate. And lover.”

“Ahhhh,” I clicked my tongue. “I heard you say it. No takebacks.”

“Do you think I’ll like Earth?” she sighed as she peered into the swirling Hellfire below.

“You’ll love it,” I reassured her. “I promise. Now, are you ready?”

The blonde woman nodded, pulled herself up onto the edge of the tomb, and then heaved herself in. She disappeared in a flash of jade Hellfire, and then I was the only one remaining.

It was time to go home.

I grabbed onto the rough brimstone, squatted down, and then pushed my body into the air and over the side of the tomb. The next thing I knew, the world went dark. I heard the distorted crackling of fire as my body and soul were transported through space and time, and then I smashed into a grass-covered ground with a hard crash.

Instantly, I recognized the loud, high-pitched sound of cicadas in the air around me along with the whispering of a light, cool breeze. I raised my head up and saw we were surrounded by large trees, towering pines that looked like they had been around for ages. Then I took in a deep breath, and my body relaxed as my nostrils were filled with an earthy pine smell.

“Do you smell that?” I said joyously as I stood to my feet.

“Yeah, the air kinda smells,” Todd answered. “Must be in Jersey.”

“No, no,” I retorted. “There’s no sulfur. We made it back to Earth!”

“The Toddster and Jakey are back, baby!” the imp said as he fist-pumped into the air and then ran over and wrapped his arms around my leg.

“No homo,” I reminded Todd.

My words took a second to register, but then the imp pulled back, brushed his torso off, and pretended like everything was cool.

“As crazy as it sounds,” Libidine mused, “I kinda missed this place. It’s a lot more laid-back than Hell.”

“It’s very pretty,” Eligor observed as she studied the night sky. “What are those things up there? Balls of Hellfire?”

“You could say that,” I chuckled. “We’ll give you the full astronomy lesson later, but for now--”

As I was speaking, I heard the loud “crack” of a branch off in the distance. All five of us immediately went silent, and then I motioned for my friends to huddle up around me. Soon, we were standing back-to-back as we waited for whatever was out there in the darkness to appear.

“I don’t think we’re alone,” I hissed and summoned red Hellfire into my hands.

“Do you think we were followed?” Eligor whispered.

“Unlikely,” Sia answered. “But perhaps there are guardians out here who watch the portal? To make sure it isn’t being used for insidious reasons?”

“Maybe it’s Beelzebub’s men?” Liby gasped.

“Nah, nah,” Todd explained. “If we really are in Jersey, there’s only one thing it could possibly be. The Jersey Devil, bro.”

Whatever the fuck was out there, we were about to find out what it was. The sound was growing closer, and I now realized there were multiple footsteps out there in the woods. My suspicions were confirmed when about a dozen silhouettes appeared through the tree line.

Each one was wearing a bright white SWAT uniform, much like the one our friend Raphael always wore. They all carried heavy weaponry in their hands, and they had their guns pointed directly at us.

We were surrounded.

“I don’t know who you think you are,” I warned the fuckers, “but you really, really don’t want to fuck with us. I’m Jacob Ralston, King of--”

“We know who you are, Jacob Ralston,” a booming voice retorted from behind the soldiers.

A tall, blond man stepped out of the treeline. Unlike his cronies, he was clad only in a flowing white robe that was draped over his half-exposed chest like a toga. His nose was thin and sharp, and his short, curly hair hung down to his neck like a clump of noodles.

“Wait,” I asked as realization sunk in. “Are you an angel?”

“Welcome back to Earth Realm, Jacob Ralston,” the man mused. “I am the Archangel Metatron, and I’ve come to collect you.”

“Collect me?” I shot back. “We just escaped the fucking Lake of Fire. Can’t we at least get a little break before you--”

“We must move immediately,” Metatron hissed. “The Exalted One demands your presence, Jacob Ralston.”

End Book 8

End Notes

Thank you for reading Succubus Lord 8! You all asked for more stories with Jacob, so here you go. Please keep the reviews coming in. I’ll start on the next book as soon as this one has one-hundred reviews.

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Copyright © 2019 by Eric Vall