Chapter 1

“Jacob,” Ira, the Sister of Wrath, gasped almost orgasmically, “I think this has the potential to be the greatest adventure we’ve ever been on.”

“I’m still trying to figure out what ‘BDSM’ is, and why anyone would want to dedicate an entire conference to it,” the angel Ariel mused.

“Why did we bring her along again?” Invidia hissed as we approached the entrance of the Sheraton just off the outskirts of downtown Sioux Falls. “And why are we all the way out in this rinky-dink place in the middle of nowhere?”

“Ariel kept insisting that she come along, even though she had no clue what this place is all about,” I chuckled to myself. “She’s far too innocent for her own good.”

“I heard what you and your big cock did to her,” Invidia reminded me. “She’s far from the innocent little angel she pretends to be.”

“I just hope they’ve got good hors d’oeuvres, bro,” a human-formed Todd mused. “Or since they’re all sadomasochists, should I call them ‘whore d’oeuvres?’”

“It’s a conference,” I explained, “there’s gotta be something around here. And if there isn’t, we can swing by Big Kahuna’s afterwards and grab a calzone or something.”

“Now you’re speakin’ my language, Jakey!” Todd smacked his lips as he patted his potbelly. “Let’s off these weird fucks quickly and then grab some grub.”

“Excuse me?” Ira shot back in a semi-offended tone. “There is nothing wrong with being into BDSM. In fact, it’s very liberating.”

“I don’t see what’s so liberating about being tied up with a bunch of knots that’d make a sailor jealous.” Todd shrugged. “Isn’t being tied up, like, the opposite of liberating?”

“Is BDSM like, a branch of the Boy Scouts?” Ariel asked innocently. “Those kids like to tie knots and all.”

Todd and Ira looked at each other for a moment as slow smiles crept up their faces. Then they both burst out into a fit of laughter.

“If there’s BDSM going on in the Boy Scouts, we’ve got some biiiiiig issues, Little Mermaid,” Todd guffawed.

“It’s probably better that you find out for yourself,” I interjected as we approached the registration line. “Words don’t do it justice.”

“I just can’t believe we had to come back to Earth,” Invidia scoffed. “Especially South Dakota of all freaking places.”

“It’s where all of Beelzebub’s remaining cultists are hiding out,” I reminded the succubus. “Oliver and Jane drove them out of the Southwest, but they weren’t able to finish the job completely thanks to their numbers being spread out so thin. Luckily for them, we don’t need strength in numbers to kill off a couple of human magic users.”

“Why are we even bothering with humans, though?” Ariel questioned as she scanned the table for her name badge. “Isn’t that a little below a Demon King’s pay grade?”

“Not when the humans in question are from the Cult of Beelzebub,” I growled. “Our intel told us the final sect of our enemy’s cult has been hiding out in this area, and their members attend this conference every single year.”

“Maybe I’m just missing something, Jakey,” Todd said curiously, “but why do a bunch of cultists voluntarily come and hang out in South Dakota?”

“Because this is the place to be for all things BDSM, sadomasochism, and torture,” Ira reminded the imp. “For cultists, those little things are just all in a day’s work. And now that their numbers are so low, they’ll be even more desperate to learn new techniques and recruit.”

“That’s why I wanted to be here personally when the last little bit of Beelzebub’s influence is wiped off the face of the Earth,” I explained, “Even better, I wanted us to be the ones to do it.”

“Found mine!” Ariel exclaimed happily as she snatched up a tiny card.

“I registered her under the name ‘Norma Stits,’” Todd snickered.

The redheaded angel held the name tag up to her face, squinted at its contents, and then quirked her eyebrow. Then the color drained from her face as her mouth dropped open, and she held up the card for us all to see.

“Am I seeing this right?” the angel gasped as she pointed to the corner of the card. “Because to me, it looks like there’s a smiley face with a ball gag in his mouth, getting whipped by a multi-tailed whip. Even weirder … he’s still smiling!”

“Your eyes don’t deceive you,” Ira giggled. “That’s Barry Bondage, the mascot for the local BDSM communities.”

“Wait … ” Todd muttered in awe, “they--they all have logos?”

“That’s right,” Ira mused, “in the Southwest we have Edging Edith, and I know in the New York area there’s one called ‘Peggy the Pegger.’”

“Jakey,” Todd gasped as he put his hand on my shoulder, “I think I just died and went to comedy heaven. Fucking pinch me, bro.”

I obliged the imp’s request, and he pulled away with an overdramatic “yeow!”

“Why is he smiling, though?” Ariel pondered, still completely clueless. “Is this inferring that it’s a good thing to get whipped?”

“Now you’re thinking like one of us.” Ira grinned as she snatched up her nametag. “There. ‘Tess Stickles.’ Very clever, Todd.”

“Thank you, Crazy Eyes,” the imp in disguise said as he bowed, “I worked really hard on that one.”

“Ivana Suchum?” Invidia rolled her eyes as she picked up her identification card. “How mature.”

“If you think that one’s mature,” Todd snickered as he grabbed the last two passes, “wait until you see what me and Jakey are called!”

I took the name tag out of the imp’s hand, glanced at the name, and nearly doubled over with laughter.

“Lou Skunt,” I laughed. “How did they not stop you from entering these as real names?”

“It’s a BDSM conference, bro.” The blond imp shrugged as he put the lanyard over his head. “Now, follow me into the wonderland of goodies.”

“Sure thing, ‘Drew P. Pecker,’” I laughed, and then I motioned for the group to follow Todd into the main room of the conference.

This place was much smaller than the hotels I was used to out in Phoenix. Instead of large, sprawling hallways decorated to look like the intricate landscape of the southwest or a luxurious aesthetic, this place looked about as simple as you could get. It had a simple white and brown color scheme, with a few tables and chairs that lined the hallway toward the main conference area. Around us was a wide-open space where you could look up and see the hallways of each floor, along with the doors of the various rooms.

The five of us meandered down the main drag of the building until we came to a set of double doors with a security guard standing off to the side. The man had a stern look on his face as he watched us proceed, and he looked like he was at least double my size.

As we approached, he held up his hand in a silent order, and we stopped in our tracks.

“The hotel has asked me to run through the ground rules for all participants before you enter,” the man explained in a deep, booming voice. “Equipment out on the floor may only be tested while fully clothed. However, if you want to try them out in a more … detailed way, there are a few meeting rooms on the west side of the conference hall. Enjoy your stay at the Sheraton.”

The guard gave us one last nod before he opened the door, and our ears were hit with the loud murmur of the crowd, intertwined with screams of joy, laughter, and what I only assumed was the sound of whips on bare skin.

“Uh, thanks,” I responded as we passed through the door.

The second we were inside, Ira took a deep, hearty whiff of the air.

“Ahhhh,” the Sister of Wrath sighed, “don’t you love the smell of fresh leather, burning wax, and twine? It’s enough to make a girl change her panties. I seriously wish I could make a candle out of it and put it in my quarters twenty-four seven.”

“I already talked to Yankee Candle, Crazy Eyes,” Todd shook his head, “they told me they weren’t interested in ‘BDSM Blues’ whatsoever, and they were gonna call the police if I kept sending them the strange-smelling packages in the mail.”

“W-What is this place?” Ariel gasped as she began to look around and take it all in. “Is it … are they … is this supposed to be fun for them?”

“It’s a kink, honey,” Ira giggled and slapped the angel on the shoulder, “I’m sure you’ve got plenty of them yourself. We just have to … tease it out. I’m sure there’s a French Tickler around here somewhere that we could--”

“Let’s stay focused on the mission, guys,” I interrupted and tried to get us back on track. “I know there’s, like, a few hundred people here, but it won’t be hard to spot Beelzebub’s cultists. Just look for the giant, demon-shaped wings tattooed on their left wrist, the one with the fly above it that looks like it was ripped straight out of a Medieval painting.”

“I already see one,” Invidia noted with a nod, “right over there by the hanging harness.”

I glanced over and, sure enough, the Sister of Envy was right. Attached to the top of one of the vendor’s booths was a harness made out of rope and leather. There was a man tied up inside of it with his arms pulled behind his body and his legs pulled up into his chest in a way that couldn’t possibly be comfortable. But that didn’t matter. All that mattered was the ink on his left arm.

The Mark of the Lord of the Flies.

“We have to get them isolated and then take them out as inconspicuously as possible,” I explained to my friends. “There should be about fifteen of them total, and they’re gonna be scattered all around this room.”

“Then it sounds like it’s time for the gang to split up,” Todd interjected, and then he pointed between Vidia and Ariel. “Velma, you come with me and Scoob. We’ll let Fred and Daphne over there go off so they can make out or fuck or whatever they do when they’re all alone.”

“Oh, I have big plans for Jacob after seeing all these wonderful toys…” Ira mused.

“Let’s just stick to the mission for now,” I reminded her. “Work now, play later.”

“If you insist,” the Sister of Wrath sighed and then grabbed my hand. “Let’s get to work. The sooner we finish off all these cultists with good taste, the sooner we can have some fun.”

“Byyyyeee, Jakey!” I heard Todd call out as Ira led me further into the crowd. “Remember to use lots of lube!”

Very funny.

Ira led me through the main floor of the trade show until we came across our first target. He was standing there, conversing with a vendor in front of a very peculiar product. In the center of the booth sat a wooden stock with three holes, just like the ones used for punishment back in the day.

“We need one of those,” Ira begged. “You could lock up my head and arms, spread my legs, and then go to town while I tried to escape. I’m getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it.”

“Focus,” I chuckled. “We need to get this guy alone, and we need to see if he can lead us to any of his friends.”

“Only one way to find out.” The dark-haired succubus shrugged, and then she walked over to the man with the tattoo.

“Helllloooo there, my BDSM buddy!” she exclaimed as she began to run her hand along the splintery material of the stocks. “What’s going on with this little contraption?”

The man’s eyes lit up as he gawked at both the sexy succubus and the fun new toy she was leaning up against.

“It’s the newest line,” the man answered giddily, “they say the holes in this thing are adjustable, so they can get as tight as you want ‘em.”

“Hmmmmm,” Ira purred, “I like it nice and tight.”

The man was now visibly sweating, and I swore I could hear his heartbeat from all the way over here.

“You, uh … you wanna go test this thing out?” he asked awkwardly. “There are some ‘play rooms’ with it installed … ”

“I thought you’d never ask,” the succubus shot back, and then she began to walk toward the back rooms.

I kept a safe distance as I trailed the succubus and the cultist through the main floor of the convention, until we hit a series of doors on the wall, each one labeled with a sign that read “play room” and then listed the sponsor underneath.

The cultist peeked his head into the first door, looked back at Ira, and grinned from ear to ear.

“This is the one!” he exclaimed. “Now get in there and get undressed, so I can ride you raw.”

Warm rage erupted in my chest at the thought of this bastard touching Ira, but I forced it back until it was little more than a calm simmer. The Sister of Wrath knew what she was doing, and I didn’t want to blow her cover too early.

“Oh, no … ” Ira shot back playfully. “You’re going in it first. After all, you were the one who wanted to test it … ”

The cultist somehow grinned even wider, and then he disappeared behind the door. Ira shot me a reassuring wink, and then she followed him into the room.

I ran over to the door, leaned up against it, and kept guard. The last thing we needed was some random person coming in and sounding the alarm.

Unfortunately, these rooms weren’t made for the sort of play that went on at this kind of convention. They weren’t soundproof whatsoever, and I could hear everything going on inside them clearly.

“Easy there!” I heard the man gasp. “I may be into a good choking every now and again, but I like to breathe.”

“No need to worry, my dear … ” Ira cooed back, but then her voice turned serious. “You won’t be breathing in another second anyway.”

“Wait, what--” the man began, but then the succubus must have made her move.

There was a loud, wet cracking sound, and all was silent.

Then I slowly pulled open the door, slipped inside, and observed Ira’s work.

She had twisted the bolt on the stock so tightly it had completely crushed the cultist’s neck, and his head was now hanging forward at an inhuman angle. Meanwhile, the rest of his body was as limp as a dead fish.

“That was easy,” Ira mused as she brushed her hands together. “Now, we just need to dispose of the body.”

“Easy,” I explained as I summoned green Hellfire into one hand and red in to the other. “We vaporize the sucker into ash, and then he’ll be the night janitor’s problem.”

I swiftly used my emerald spell to undo the stocks and then toss the man’s body a few feet into the air. The second it was airborne, I threw up a wall of purple flames behind him and then incinerated his body with a blast of red. The ashes of his remains fluttered to the floor like falling snow, and soon they were embedded safely in the carpet, camouflaged from the human eye.

“Ohhhhhh,” Ira moaned from the other side of the room, “can we do this one next?”

The Sister of Wrath was running her hand tenderly along a large, flat piece of latex with a hose attached to it, all controlled by a large red button. There were transparent pieces of plastic that appeared to be eye holes, as well as a tube directly underneath.

“Do I even want to know what that is?” I asked cautiously.

“It’s a vacuum bed,” Ira purred. “I’ve always wanted one of these things. Stay here, and I’ll go find our next victim.”

The dark-haired succubus dashed out of the room before I could protest, and I was left alone in the room full of BDSM treasures.

On top of the stocks and the vacuum bed, I observed a table full of clamps of varying sizes, a giant cage with a chain attached to the inside, a set of gauntlets with spikes on the inside, and a barrel full of all sorts of instruments I’d never seen before.

After a few minutes, the door opened once more, and Ira sauntered in with not one, but two men. They both had their heads shaved down into a buzzcut, and they had comically large mustaches that made them look like the Mario brothers.

“Is this the guy you were telling us about?” one of them asked giddily. “I can’t wait to see all the crazy shit he’s going to--”

Before he could even finish his sentence, I summoned green Hellfire into my hand, called forth one of the gizmos in the barrel, and lashed out at the first cultist.

Apparently, I’d snatched up a cat o’ nine tails with a black leather handle and several small, metal chains with spiked balls on the end. The pointed spheres struck the fucker directly in the face, and he stumbled backwards in a huff. However, he wasn’t fazed.

In fact, he actually let out tiny fucking moan as he held his bloodied face.

“Holy shit, this guy is good!” he mused. “And he’s got spellcasting abilities? Where has he been hiding this whole time?”

“Oh, oh, do me next!” the second man begged and stuck out his chest.

“Uhhhh.” I glanced between the whip and the over-excited man for a few seconds before I made up my mind.

Nope. This was too fucking weird.

Instead of fulfilling these guys’ little fantasies, I summoned up two balls of red Hellfire, took aim, and blasted them at point-blank range. The heat from the attack was super intense. I felt it radiating from my open palms and, for a moment, feared it might damage the toys around us. However, the second I released my attack, all that was left of the two cultists were their own ashes.

“Oh, come on,” Ira pouted and crossed her arms, “I wanted to use the bed.”

“Fine, fine,” I chuckled, “go find another cultist. This time, I promise not to get ahead of myself like that.”

“You’d better not,” the succubus warned jokingly, “or else I’ll just make you get in the bed.”

Ira pranced out of the room and left me alone once more. This time, I was just going to wait patiently.

I plopped down at a nearby table, laid the cat o’ nine tails on top of it, and then leaned back and waited for our next victim. No sooner had I gotten comfortable did Ira dash back into the room with another cultist.

I noticed immediately the succubus who entered was not regular Ira, but rather her Dom.

The Dom wore a leather corset held up by three tight belt straps, and the bottom came down and formed into a thong on her tight, curvy ass. She held a French Tickler in her hand, which she moved back in forth in front of her in unison with her seductive steps.

The cultist she was with was much broader, with the figure of a bodybuilder. There was no way Ira was gonna get him to be a fucking sub.

“The bed’s over there,” she ordered the man, and he shot her a pitiful look.

“B-But I don’t want to--” he began to plead in a pathetic tone, but Ira cut him off with a quick smack to the face.

“Listen here, you filthy kitten!” she growled as she pointed to the vacuum bed. “You’re going to get into that chamber of ecstasy, or I’m not going to make you pay.”

“I don’t like--”

Ira cut off the man with another smack to the face.

He recoiled in fear, but I could tell he was really into this. As I watched the rhinoceros of a man scuttle over and climb into the folds of the vacuum bed, I wondered just what the fuck we had gotten ourselves into.

As soon as the man was comfortably inside the bed, Ira stepped one of her heels onto a flashing red button on the floor. Instantly, the sound of a powerful vacuum filled the air, and the latex tightened around the cultist’s bulky figure. Within seconds, he was sealed into the bed like a microwave dinner.

Right where Ira wanted him.

The Sister of Wrath strutted forward, wiggled her hips a bit, and then produced a rather large vibrator from her belt of goodies. She inspected the sex toy for a second before she bent down, blew the cultist a kiss, and shoved the narrow end into the opening of the breathing tube.

I saw the man’s eyes go wide through the transparent lenses as he realized what was happening.

The cultist’s body began to heave as he tried to break free of his latex prison and regain his breath, but it was no use. He was about to suffocate to death inside of a fucking latex bed.

“I guess that’s one way to do it,” I snickered.

Suddenly, I heard a pounding on the door. My heart hammered in my chest as I watched the door knob turn, and then in walked a few more conference-goers. They appeared to be a middle-aged couple, probably about the same age as my parents. The man and woman both had peppered hair, and they wore outfits that looked more in line with people who were on vacation in Hawaii, not participants in a BDSM expo.

“Howdy, folks!” the man exclaimed in an over-excited tone. “Don’t let us ruin your fun. We were just gonna test out that little vacuum bed, but it looks like it’s already occupied. You kids let us know when you’re all done, alright?”

“Uh, will do,” I retorted awkwardly, and then I watched as the middle-aged couple slunk back through the threshold.

When I turned back around, I saw the fucker in the bed was getting weaker and weaker. Finally, his body went limp.

“That was a close one,” Ira sighed, “I wanted to keep torturing this guy, but I didn’t realize there was a line … I suppose we should wrap this up and go find the others?”

The Dom stepped on the glowing red button once more, and the latex pulled away from the cultist’s body with a loud wheeze. The second he was free of its embrace, I surrounded his body with green Hellfire, pulled it up into the air, and turned it to ash with a flash of red flames.

As soon as the literal dust had settled, the two of us headed for the exit.

“All done,” Ira’s Dom explained as we passed by the middle-aged couple. “It was quite an ecstatic experience. You two lovebirds go have the time of your life!”

“Don’t mind if we do!” the woman chuckled, but then her eyes darted back and forth curiously. “Where’s Chuck?”

“Chuck?” I asked innocently. “Who’s Chuck?”

“That guy who was in there with you,” she explained. “We go to these sorts of conferences all across the world, so we regulars get to know each other after a while.”

“Oh, uh … ” I racked my brain as I tried to think up a satisfying answer, “Chuck felt a little dizzy after going through the vacuum bed, so we sent him through the back door so he didn’t have to stumble through the crowd. You understand.”

“Oh my,” the man whistled, “Edna, it sounds like this bed is ten times better than advertised! Let’s get in there!”

Without another word, the middle-aged couple dashed through the door with a giggle, and then Ira and I were on our way.

After walking through the crowd for a few minutes and trying to navigate through the literal maze of erotic vendors, we came upon the rest of the team.

“There they are!” Ariel gasped as she ran over to us. “We thought you may have gotten lost in this terrible place.”

“Terrible?” Ira questioned. “This place is heaven on Earth.”

“It’s terrible,” the redheaded angel shot back, “there’s all these cool weapons here, but they’re useless. Every time somebody gets hit with them, they just scream ‘more!’ like they aren’t even doing any damage!”

“Oh, they’re doing damage alright,” Ira cooed. “You just have to learn how to take it like a pro.”

“We’ve killed ten of the cultists and vaporized their bodies, just like you asked,” Invidia confirmed. “Are we all done here? I heard My Chemical Romance is getting back together, and I want to make sure I get my tickets before they’re sold out.”

“That’s only fourteen,” I counted. “There’s still one more of the fuckers hanging around here. We kill him, and then we’re home free.”

“Hmmmm,” Todd stroked his goatee as he looked around the room, “if I were a cultist worshipping the Lord of the Flies, and I was at a BDSM conference, where would I be … ”

“I appreciate the effort, Todd,” I sighed, “but I think we may have to just split--”

“The cocktail hour, bro!” the imp exclaimed in a moment of epiphany. “There’s totally gotta be one of them in there, trying to recruit people into Brundlefly’s little boy band. Follow me!”

The disguised imp took off in a flash, as quickly as his lanky human legs could carry him. The rest of us looked at each other, shrugged, and then followed Todd to the far back of the exhibit hall.

Against the back wall of the room stood a large, open area where people of all kinds mingled. Everyone was dressed in business casual attire as they laughed, shook hands, and exchanged business cards.

If I didn’t know any better, I would have guessed this was a high-class function, and not a sex-fueled kinky get together.

I scanned the crowd for any sign of the man who bore the mark of Beelzebub, but to little avail. I walked around the open space for nearly ten minutes and inspected the participants’ wrists in the hopes of finding the tattoo, but then I realized my blunder.

We were trying way too hard. The answer was hiding in plain sight this whole time, and all we needed to do was look.

“There.” I pointed to a set of tables off to the left.

Several organizations had “sign-up” tables at the conference, which were used to collect signatures from potential members.

And the Cult of Beelzebub was one organization that was hemorrhaging members faster than a fucking butchered hog. In fact, it was down to its final one, and I had him in my sights right now.

The final member of the Cult of Beelzebub was sitting happily behind the table with a pen and paper, and he was talking to anyone who would give him the time of day.

I took a step forward, but Ariel’s arm shot out to stop me.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she demanded. “We have this guy dead to rights. Why don’t we just take the kill shot and then be on our merry way?”

“You should know by now,” I chuckled, “that’s not the way King Ralston operates. I like to make my victories a bit more … significant.”

Ariel removed her hand, gave me a determined nod, and then stepped aside.

I sauntered through the throngs of people, until I finally arrived in front of the cultist’s table.

“Hello, fellow bondage enthusiast!” the bastard greeted me in a fake tone. “Would you be interested in joining up with the Cult of Beelzebub? We have monthly orgies, and nothing, and I mean nothing, is ever off the table!”

“I think I’ll pass,” I mocked, “I have my own cult to hang out with.”

The man tilted his head curiously, and his hand tightened around the pen he held.

“Oh, really?” he mused. “Always good to meet a fellow cultist. Who do you serve? Baphomet? Gressil? Abbadon?”

With my hand held behind my back, I summoned green Hellfire into my open palm. Humans couldn’t see the emerald enchantment, so I had no issues using it out in the open like this.

“Ralston,” I said with a stern nod, and then I watched the color drain from his face.

“I-I thought you looked familiar!” the man gasped as he struggled to find words.

“Don’t bother calling for your friends,” I warned him, “they’re all dead. Just like Baphomet, and just like your master will be as soon as I’ve finished you off and weakened him into oblivion.”

I saw a hint of a spark of red Hellfire appear in the cultist’s hand, so I made my move. I threw the jade spell around the man’s pen, lifted it into the air, and then sent it soaring up through his lower jaw and into his brain. I stopped it before it exited the other side and made a mess, but the damage was done.

The fucker’s eyes rolled back in his head, and he slumped back in his chair.

I used another cast of emerald fire to force his eyelids closed, and then I turned and walked back to my friends.

“There,” I announced when I got back, “they’ll all think he’s sleeping. Or at least, they’ll think it for long enough for us to get the fuck outta here.”

“Broooo,” Todd sighed, “you totally should have gone up to somebody and said ‘don’t wake my friend, he’s dead tired’ or some shit like that.”

“Why would I do that?” I laughed. “Wouldn’t that just draw attention to the dead guy in the room?”

“Hey, it worked for Arnold in Commando,” the blond, disguised imp shrugged, “and if it’s good enough for Arnold, it’s good enough for the Toddster.”

“Do we have to go right now?” Ira pouted. “I wanted to try out some more of these lovely toys … ”

“I’m the King of the Fourth Circle,” I reminded the succubus, “I can literally snap my fingers and have whatever you want brought to the castle.”

“I second that,” Ariel shuddered as she stared down a large, pornographic poster on the wall, “I want to go back home as soon as possible.”

“Ditto,” Invidia added.

“No, Elvira,” Todd sighed, “those are located over in Aisle C. They got ‘em in all shapes and sizes, from plantain to elephant to the one I lovingly call the ‘vag splitter.’”

“Ditto, Todd,” Vidia chuckled, “with a ‘T.’”

The Sister of Envy raised an eyebrow at the imp, and then realization flashed across his face.

“Waiiiitttt,” Todd said through a look of confusion, “they have Pokémon at this conference? That must have been an episode of the anime I missed.”

I just rolled my eyes at the imp’s antics, took a step forward, and then motioned for my friends to follow.

“Let’s go home,” I announced. “Those were the last of Beelzebub’s cultists, which means he has no more influence here on Earth. He’s as weak now as he’s ever going to get, and we need to plan accordingly.”

As we headed for the exit, another thought flashed through my mind. Sure, I wanted to get back to the Fourth Circle to strategize against my greatest enemy and get some much-needed rest and relaxation, but there was something I still needed to do. Something that was going to be ten times more fun than eliminating my enemies.

I needed to turn my newest recruits into my newest Demon Lords.

Chapter 2

The drive back from South Dakota was nearly twenty hours, but it flew by in a flash. Between the antics of Todd, Ira gushing about all the fun new gadgets she discovered, and Ariel’s peppy attitude, there was never a dull moment. Even Invidia, who was usually antisocial and reserved, seemed to be having a good time.

We only stopped for the night once, at some swanky old rest stop along the side of the highway. Todd was worried we were gonna get attacked by “The Beaman Monster,” a giant ape-Bigfoot creature, while we slept, so he stayed up and kept guard.

Of course, when I finally awoke from my uncomfortable slumber, the imp was passed out in the passenger seat of the Jeep, with a joint hanging out of his mouth comically.

I started the car, put it in gear, and then continued our long drive back home. Finally, about seven hours later, we rolled up to our Earthly home formerly known as Quinn mansion.

“Holy fuck that was a long drive,” I yawned as I stepped out of the vehicle and stretched. “We seriously need to invest in a private jet or some shit like that.”

“Nah, bro,” the groggy Todd retorted as he flipped onto the ground from the passenger seat, “those things guzzle gas like a Dutch prostitute guzzles dick. Hoverboards are the future, Jakey.”

“Hoverboards?” I asked as the five of us headed toward the portal in the back of the garage. “Have you been watching Back to the Future again?”

“Nah,” the imp scoffed with a wave of his hand, “they’re totally real now. They launch you up into the sky using air jets, and then you can zip around like the fucking Green Goblin, bro!”

“How is that any faster than driving?” Ariel questioned curiously. “And how do you fit more than one person on it at a time?”

The imp looked at the angel, shrugged, and then shook his head in defeat.

“The Toddster’s just the ideas guy, Little Mermaid,” he chuckled, “Strawberry Shortcake’s the one who usually figures out all the logistics.”

We approached the hidden portal to Hell in the back corner, and then I used my green Hellfire to raise up the tarp and the box that covered it. Next, I watched as each of my friends hopped through, one-by-one, and disappeared into the interdimensional gateway. Finally, I made the leap into the glowing circle of green Hellfire, and I made sure to replace the box and tarp as I did so.

In seconds, the five of us were standing at the gates of my palace in the Fourth Circle of Hell.

“That was a fun adventure,” Ira mused happily, “it’s given me so many new ideas for ways to torture our enemies. I need to go write them all down and test them out before I forget!”

The Sister of Wrath was all smiles as she dashed away toward her domain.

“I think I need to go lie down,” Ariel sighed, “there was a lot to take in from this one.”

“Wait … ” Todd pondered aloud as he rapped on his chin, “I thought you didn’t try out any of the gadgets?”

“You know what I mean!” the redhead shot back as a slow blush crept up her face. “At least I got some ideas for new weaponry … Actually, you know what? Screw the nap. I’m gonna go build a flaming cat o’ nine tails!”

Ariel ran off toward her workshop without another word, and my eyes couldn’t help but stare at her muscular ass as she ran. The fit angel’s rear was covered only by a tight, thin layer of leggings, and it left absolutely nothing to the imagination.

Not that I was complaining.

“Not tryin’ to be a debbie downer,” Todd announced, “but I think I wanna be faaaaarrrr away from this place for the ceremony. Like, I’m happy you’re getting your taffy stretched by all these different demon chicks, but I totally don’t want to see it. Or hear it. Or smell it.”

“Gross,” Invidia gagged. “I think that’s my cue to head back to the Shrieking Mountains. Besides, I don’t wanna be around when all the other people get here. Some of those newbies are too peppy for me.”

“You know,” I admitted, “I still haven’t been up to see your new home. Is it nice up there?”

“Oh, it’s a succubus’ dream come true,” Vidia said in an uncharacteristically excited tone. “There’s nothing around for miles. No cities, no cars, no street lights … and, most importantly, no people. It’s just me, the howling winds, and the occasional wandering Vargrat. It’s, like, the coolest fucking thing since American Idiot. You need to come and visit. Like, soon.”

“It sounds like your own personal paradise,” I chuckled.

“It is,” she admitted, “but, even better … we can be as loud as we want, and nobody will be able to hear us.”

The Sister of Envy shot me a wink over her shoulder, and then she summoned forth her butterfly wings and took to the sky.

“Damn, Jakey,” Todd whistled, “I think that’s the most emotion I’ve seen Elvira ever show. Aside from the time she got mad at me for calling The Cure overrated. I totally thought I was gonna die, bro.”

“You’re lucky to be alive,” I laughed. “Now, if you’ll excuse me--”

“Yeah, yeah,” Todd dismissed me with a wave of his hand, “you gotta go glaze some donuts. Jump some bones. Play the ‘ol game of mortar and pestle. Pour out some tadpoles. Test drive the plunger. Vaccinate the kitten. Season the tacos. I’m trying to say you gotta go fuck some sexy demon babes, if I didn’t make myself clear.”

“It’s a ceremony,” I lied coyly. “I have to do it, or else they won’t become badass Demon Lords like the rest of you guys.”

“Suurrrreeee,” Todd shook his head, “we totally didn’t do the dance of dongers to level me up. But keep telling yourself that, bro. Anywho, there’s an eighth of our new “Emerald City” strain back at my place, and it’s calling my name. Up, up, and awaaaayyyy!”

The imp surrounded himself with black Hellfire and then took to the sky in a flash.

As soon as he was gone, I passed through the gate of the brimstone castle, sauntered into the main courtyard, and then headed up to the main building. The second I was inside the main landing of the castle, I saw the Shades had already begun their work on the newest additions to the room.

Now that we’d added four new succubi and an angel to our motley crew, I’d decreed they each get their own portrait to go in the main landing of the castle.

Ariel’s painting showed her soaring in the air, covered with a white toga that clung to her tight body like a wet blanket and showed off her toned abs, firm ass, and lean muscles. Claws of pure Divine Light shot forth from her knuckles with the intensity of a lighthouse beam, and she had her head back in a pose both welcoming and threatening at the same time.

Mirage’s portrait told a completely different story. Asmodeus’ former succubus told the artist painting her to make her look as intimidating and “no-nonsense” as possible. The final product conveyed her wishes extremely well. The short-haired brunette was sitting on top of a rock with her chin resting against her right fist casually. Her expression was cold and angry, and there was a hint of green Hellfire mist evaporating out of her open left hand.

Inpulsa wanted hers to be bright and colorful, and that’s what she got. The yellow-haired succubus was shown hovering in the night sky with a series of dark storm clouds behind her. In the portrait, the succubus was casting a massive bolt of yellow, electric Hellfire that lit up the entire image as if it were the sun itself.

Eclipse’s painting made for a perfect juxtaposition to Inpulsa’s. It showed Eclipse, clad in her leather armor, standing underneath a blood-red moon. The moon itself appeared to be draining of light, an effect of the black Hellfire that emitted from the succubus’ hands.

Last, but certainly not least, came Deja. The succubus with the California accent went much more light-hearted than her newfound sisters, as her portrait had her standing on the beach in a skimpy bikini, with oversized sunglasses on her face and a fruity drink in her hand.

If I had any doubts about whether these new girls were gonna fit in with my team, they were now completely gone.

The only one missing was “Eve,” the frizzly-haired redhead succubus who’d impressed me so much during her trials. She’d turned out to be the Demon Queen Lilith in disguise, and she refused to be seen as anyone’s “subordinate.” So, she didn’t want a picture.

Her loss.

I began to walk up the stairs of the castle when I was met by Superbia, my succubus madame.

“Hello, Jacob,” she purred when she saw me in the stairwell, “how did the conference go? Did you wipe out all of those dreadful cultists?”

“And then some,” I joked as I wrapped my arm around the petite redhead. “Sia, we did some things in that hotel I wouldn’t even know how to explain.”

“Let me guess,” the madame shot back, “Sister Ira would?”

“She definitely would,” I chuckled. “How have things been down here? I know we’ve only been gone for a few days, but a lot can happen when--”

The Sister of Pride placed her slender finger against my lips to cut me off.

“Shhhhh,” she whispered seductively, “do not worry yourself with politics and bureaucracy. Right now, all you need to be focusing on is the Anointing et Eligit. As you can imagine, the new girls are all very eager to go through with this ceremony.”

“Because they want to sleep with me, or because they want to become Demon Lords?” I mused, but Sia just gave me a coy smile.

“Probably both,” she admitted, “they all came to you with the desire to become Demon Lords, and that is what you intend to make them. Getting hammered by your love rod is just an added bonus.”

“‘Love rod?’” I laughed. “I think you’ve been hanging out with Todd too much, Sia. You’re starting to pick up on his slang.”

“Love rod, warhammer, hog log,” the redhead shrugged, “it doesn’t matter what you call it. All that matters is you use it to deliver your seed into each one of the new girls and then say the proper words so they may be anointed by your majesty.”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” I agreed as we came to the top of the stairs, “I’m just sorry I made them wait so long. Are they all here?”

“Lilith did not come,” Sia explained. “Obviously, since she is a Demon Queen of the highest order, she does not need to be anointed. Though she wanted me to tell you that you are more than welcome to come to her chambers any time you desire and that she ‘misses your manhood.’”

“I still can’t believe she was Tamira,” I admitted, “though that would explain why she was so good in bed. So good, in fact, I kept running back to her despite Todd’s warnings.”

“I believe it,” Sia agreed as she led me through the main living quarters of the castle. “Now, if you’ll follow me, I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Superbia strutted through the top floor of the castle like she owned the whole place, and she confidently led me to a wing I’d never seen before.

I might have been down here for almost a full year at this point, but this castle was huge. There were still entire parts I hadn’t yet explored, dozens of rooms that might possess Azazel’s most prized possessions and riches, all just sitting there collecting dust while I ran around fighting off Demon Kings and demonic assassins.

Oh, and having lots of amazing sex with beautiful succubi.

But, apparently, Superbia had found the time to do some exploring.

The redheaded madame halted in front of a tall, oval-shaped door with large, black metal bars running vertically across its face. Instead of a standard door handle, it had a small iron loop, and Superbia took the loop in her hands, gave the door a gentle tug, and stepped aside as it opened.

I let out a gasp when I saw what was inside.

The floor was covered in soft, red carpeting, and the brimstone walls had all been painted in a light violet tone. There was a massive bed in the center of the room, and it was shaped like a heart and covered with a variety of silk sheets. Off to the right stood a hot tub and a stand-up shower large enough for at least three people. Then there was the wall off to the far left of the room, which housed a series of drawers and shelves that appeared to be the home of a number of erotic toys.

“I don’t even know what to say,” I whistled as I stepped into the room and marveled at its extravagance.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Sia giggled. “I just figured that, if you wish to continue to convert succubi into Demon Lords, it would be beneficial to have the proper facilities. Welcome to the Anointing Room.”

“I fucking love it,” I said as I shot Sia a smile. “I can’t wait to get the newbies in here and--”

“You don’t have to wait,” Sia interjected.

The Sister of Pride clapped her hands together and let out a long, shrill whistle that was so high-pitched, it could have caught the attention of a deaf dog. Then, right on cue, I saw all four of the new succubi appear in the doorway.

My heart began to hammer in my chest as I looked them over. Each one of them was wearing a set of skimpy, lacey lingerie that left almost nothing to the imagination.

Not that it mattered. I’d be seeing it all in a few minutes, anyway.

“Hi, Jacob!” Deja exclaimed happily, and then she turned around and stuck her plump ass out into the air. “Do you like my new outfit? Sia told us it’d get you all revved up to go for this ceremony.”

“Sia was right,” I noted, and then my cock began to throb in my pants. “Soooooo, who wants to go first?”

The four succubi looked at each other silently, almost like they were nervous to step up to the plate.

“I’ll leave you all alone,” Superbia said as she cleared her throat. “Just remember, once you have made the bond, you both must say the incantation so your souls may be combined as one. Have fun, everyone.”

“We will, Superbia,” all four of the succubi said in unison, and then the madame walked out the door.

As much as I enjoyed seeing the newbies fall in line under Sia, it was kinda eerie to watch. However, there was no time for being creeped out.

I had four beautiful women to make love to.

Suddenly, Inpulsa strutted forward. Her yellow bob haircut bounced playfully along with her breasts as she moved, and then she placed her hand tenderly on my chest.

“Since everybody else seems so shy, I’ll take the initiative,” she purred as she began to fumble at my belt. “We can do this any way you want it, just as long as we don’t hit the shower. Sparks are going to be literally flying, and I’d hate to see you accidentally fried.”

“That’d be the way to go,” I chuckled as the yellow-haired beauty began to pull down my pants, “death by electrical sex.”

Suddenly, my erection broke free from my pants, and all the newbies, save Mirage, gasped.

“That’s--That thing is huge!” Eclipse groaned as she reached down into her panties and began to fondle herself.

“Like, h-holy fuck … ” Deja stuttered, “I knew you were big, but that … that’s like, inhuman.”

“I’m not a human,” I reminded them. “I’m a fucking Demon King.”

The next thing I knew, Inpulsa’s soft hand wrapped tenderly around my cock and began to stroke. Then the electrifying succubus’ luscious, wet lips pressed up against my balls and started to suck on them softly.

I let out a groan of pleasure as my eyes rolled back into my head, and I heard soft moans coming from across the room.

“Come now, you two,” Mirage purred, “Inpulsa might be handling our new master right now, but we can at least get ourselves warmed up before the big finale.”

I sometimes forgot Mirage had been one of Asmodeus’ madams. The sexy brunette knew how to run an orgy, and she knew how to control other horny succubi.

They’d all get their turn soon enough, though.

After Inpulsa had rubbed my shaft for a bit and gotten me good and hard, her lips meandered their way to the tip of my cock. Her sexy violet eyes glanced up at me as she slowly slid my erection into her mouth, and at the same time, she summoned yellow Hellfire to her lips.

My entire dick felt like it had been hit with a nine-volt battery as pleasurable tingles shot through my manhood. It added a powerful sensation to the already-amazing feeling of Inpulsa’s mouth and tongue, and I felt myself edging almost immediately.

Inpulsa slapped her electrified hands against my bare ass and shoved me inside her as deep as I could possibly go. She made a gagging sound as the tip of my erection tickled her throat, but she stayed the course. The yellow-haired succubus’ head bobbed swiftly as she repeatedly slid back and then gulped down my cock like she was the star participant in a hot dog eating contest.

I glanced over to the bed in the room and saw Deja and Eclipse were already naked and laying on top of the silk sheets. Meanwhile, Mirage was down on her knees, with her thong-covered ass up in the air as she went knuckle-deep into the two women.

The sight of the beautiful succubi making love, on top of the tingling sensation of Inpulsa’s mouth, was too much. I knew if I didn’t move quickly, I was going to blow right here and waste my shot at the ceremony.

So, I reached down, grabbed onto Inpulsa’s hair, and held her head in place.

The succubus looked up at me with pure carnal excitement in her eyes, and then she slowly let my cock fall from her lips.

“What’s the matter?” she cooed. “Too shocking for you?”

“I just want to move onto something we’ll both enjoy,” I growled passionately as I summoned green Hellfire into my hands, surrounded Inpulsa with its glow, and then raised her to her feet.

The second she was at eye level with me, I reached back and undid her bra. As the lacy fabric fell away, both of her pert breasts stood at attention, and her pale nipples were so hard they looked like they could cut diamonds.

I sucked on each one tenderly as I stretched out and yanked down her panties. Finally, I grabbed Inpulsa just underneath her ass, lifted up both her legs, and plunged into her.

The yellow-haired woman’s eyes rolled back in her head as she let out a room-shaking moan, and her wet tunnel engulfed my cock. Her pussy was tight and soaking wet, and it gave me the same tingling sensation her mouth had. Then Inpulsa wrapped her arms and legs around me as I went to town on her.

I pumped in and out of her warm tunnel like a fucking jackhammer, and I could feel my balls tightening and my abdomen coiling as I did so. Finally, I hit the edge.

Thankfully, so did Inpulsa.

The succubus let out a loud groan as her walls convulsed around my cock, and her body lit up with yellow Hellfire. Her electrical spell jumped over to me, as well, and my entire body tensed up like it had never before.

Finally, as she orgasmed around my erection, I unleashed my seed into her with what felt like the velocity of a fucking fire hose.

Inpulsa collapsed against my chest, and I stumbled backward as I held us both upright. She trembled and panted in my arms as the yellow Hellfire subsided, and then she finally returned to normal.

“The--The words,” I panted, “we can’t forget to say the words. Repeat after me.”

I mumbled the incantation in Latin, and the yellow-haired beauty followed suit. Suddenly, both of our bodies were engulfed with the warm glow of golden Hellfire, and then we were one.

I sat the succubus’ legs back down, and then we leaned on each other as we walked over to the other three.

Mirage was now going to town on Deja and Eclipse, with her face buried in the Cali-succubus’ mound and three fingers shoved deeply into the one with black hair.

My erection slowly began to return.

Finally, when we reached the bed, Inpulsa and I plopped down onto the empty space near the top.

“I-I’m not sure how much longer I can stand,” I joked.

“My bad,” Inpulsa giggled, “my electric spell is probably causing your leg muscles to spasm. I’ve found it helps with the climax … ”

“I’ll fucking say,” I shot back. “I’m just surprised I could even walk.”

“It’s alright, master,” Mirage mused as her face appeared over me, “I believe Eclipse wants to go next, and she doesn’t need you to be standing.”

I glanced up to see Eclipse crawling toward me on all fours like a tiger, and her giant, triple-D sized breasts jiggled the whole way.

The tattooed succubus crawled all the way up so her head was level with my abs and her massive breasts brushed playfully against my cock. She glanced up at me with her sexy violet eyes, and then she began to kiss at my abs. At the same time, she made sure her thick, erect nipples touched my half-mast erection.

Within seconds, I was back to full mast.

“There we go,” she mused as her head began to travel south, “I knew these things would get you back to full strength. They’re miracle workers.”

“I’ll say,” I muttered. Eclipse’s breasts were the biggest I’d ever seen, bigger even than Libidine’s, almost to the point that they looked like they defied the laws of physics.

Not that I was gonna complain about that.

The dark-haired succubus stuck out her tongue and licked my cock clean, one side after the other. Then she moved up so her tiny nest of dark pubic hair was above my cock, and she lowered herself down onto me.

I groaned as my dick entered the tattooed woman’s tight, warm hole.

Eclipse began to bounce up and down, and her oversized breasts danced happily in front of me as she pleasured my cock.

“Look at these things … ” Mirage teased as she grabbed a handful of Eclipse’s chest and shook it vigorously. “I’m fucking jealous.”

The short-haired brunette extended her tongue and licked at Eclipse’s nipple tenderly. At the same time, she reached down with her other hand and began to rub at Eclipse’s clitoris while she bounced on me.

Eclipse let out a deep groan of excitement as she was pleasured by not one, but two people, and I could feel myself begin to reach the edge again.

The tattooed succubus leaned forward, put her hands against my abs, and then started to grind with the intensity of a concrete mixer. Her body started to spasm, and I could tell she was having a fucking blast.

“I--You’re so big … ” Eclipse moaned, “I don’t know how much longer I can--Oh fuccccckkkkkk!”

Eclipse threw back her head and bit her lip as her tight tunnel quivered around me. She let out a groan of ecstasy as she came, and I couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Ohhh, fuck!” I exploded at the same time as the succubus, and I grabbed her hips and pulled her down so my cock sprayed as deep as possible inside of her.

“So much! Ohhh! Wow! Jacob, you are filling me with so much cum!” Eclipse’s pussy clenched around my shaft with a milking motion, and her orgasm seemed to crescendo until her moan became a guttural scream.

Our climaxes lasted a good half a minute, but after we had calmed down, Mirage pulled away as the tattooed succubus leaned forward, and then we both said the incantation. Our bodies and souls were melded into one, and then the ceremony was complete.

Eclipse shot me an exasperated wink and climbed off my body. I really had filled her with a lot of my cum, and some of it gushed out of her pussy when she swung her leg off me.

“Deja wishes to go next,” Mirage purred. “But she has a special request … Have you recovered enough to go to the shower?”

I turned my head so I could see the glass, stand-up shower. Through the steamed-up glass I saw the tiny, fit frame of Deja as she let the hot water run down her body like a waterfall. It trickled down her perky breasts and made her tan skin glisten under the castle lights.

Holy fuck.

I didn’t hesitate a single second. Suddenly, all of the weakness in my legs was gone, and I felt like I could go another five hours if I needed to. I rolled out of bed, hopped up onto my feet, and dashed over to the shower. I tossed aside my shirt as I ran, and then I threw open the door and slid into the shower with Deja.

The succubus looked at me with pure elation on her face. Her long, wet brown hair was draped down over her shoulders like a cascade of chocolate, and her violet eyes were hungry as fuck.

“Glad to see you join us,” she purred as she looked my naked body up and down.

“Us?” I shot back.

The tan brunette bit her lip hungrily as she stepped back, threw out her arms, and then began to glitch like a video game. Suddenly, she was joined by a second, identical clone to herself.

“Us,” Deja purred. “Now, let’s get to work … ”

Before I could say another word, one of the Dejas fell down to her knees, grabbed my cock, and then began to lick it sloppily. I let out a groan of pleasure, but the sounds were quickly cut off by the second Deja as she pressed her lips against my own.

Our tongues danced around in each other’s mouths as we kissed passionately, and my hands began to explore every crevice of her body. I rubbed each of her perky breasts tenderly before I made my way down the small of her back and grabbed a handful of her tight, tan ass. Then I slid my hand around her leg, tickled her inner thigh with my fingertips, and made my way toward her naked slit. I pressed my thumb against her clit and began to rub gently as my index and middle fingers slid inside her wet pussy.

Both Dejas let out a moan of excitement, and their sounds of passion reverberated off the shower walls intensely.

I fingered the succubus’ clone as the original started to gobble down my cock. I never wanted this fucking ceremony to end.

Finally, though, the clone pulled away and shot me a seductive glance.

“I think she needs some help down there,” she purred, and then she slowly lowered herself down onto her knees.

My erection throbbed even harder as both versions of Deja began to lick, suck, and rub at my cock intensely. Each one placed their lips horizontally against my shaft and began to move back and forth in unison, almost as if they were trying to create the sensation of a warm, wet pussy.

It fucking worked.

My balls tightened up against my body as I tried to hold back my orgasm, but these girls were too much.

They must have sensed I was coming close to the edge, though, because they suddenly stopped and looked at each other deeply in the eyes.

“I think it’s time he got to know us a little better,” the clone purred, and then they both stood up.

The original Deja turned around, leaned up against the glass of the shower, and arched her tight ass back into the air. Her clone gave it a playful slap before she reached out, grabbed my cock, and guided it into the brunette’s waiting pussy.

I gripped my hands around Deja’s wide, tan hips as I started to pound her with the intensity of a jackhammer. I could feel the entire stand-up shower shake with each thrust, and for a second, I was worried I was going to smash the poor succubus through the glass.

Both of Deja’s hands were pressed up flat against the wall of the shower, as was the entire left side of her face. She tried to look back at me with her sexy violet eyes, but I didn’t think she could see past the violently-bobbing brown locks that hung in front of her sightline.

Meanwhile, the clone of the succubus pressed her naked body up against me from behind. She kissed my neck and back tenderly and ran her soft hands all around my chest as she watched me fuck her doppelganger.

I could feel myself growing closer to the mountain top, and I was about to fucking hit the peak.

Suddenly, Deja’s entire body tensed up. She tried to grip at the wall of the shower, but there was nothing to hold onto. Instead, she slapped the glass with a passionate frustration and let out a loud huff.

“Oh, shiiiitttt,” she panted. “Don’t stop now, I think I’m--Ohhhhhhh!”

Deja’s entire body quivered as she orgasmed, and I growled as I pushed as deep as I could into her accepting body. My climax started slow at first, and just s trickle of my seed leaked into her, but then my legs started to shake, and I gasped as a flood suddenly broke through the damn and poured into her like a tsunami destroying a coastal village.

“Oh, my king,” she groaned as my warm seed began to spread inside of her. “You are giving me so much. This is amazing. Ohh, you are filling me— ohhh! Wow!”

The steamy glass let out a squeal as she moved her hands slowly down the shower, pulled her hips forward, and leaned up against the wall exhaustedly. Then the brunette’s body flickered once again, and the clone was absorbed back into her figure.

We both looked at each other, uttered the magic words, and were surrounded by the bonding gold Hellfire.

“W-Well … that was way--way more intense than I thought,” Deja panted happily. “I like, totally don’t know if I’ll be able to walk for the next week, and damn. You like literally poured a gallon of your cum in my tight hole. Fuck. If I could get pregnant, I’d totally be pregnant right now. Did I mention I don’t think I can walk for another week? My legs feel like jelly. Sooo good. ”

“That means a full week without this happening again.” I winked as I rinsed myself off under the warm stream of water.

“Well, that’s, like, not acceptable at all,” Deja retorted as she splashed a bit of the water onto her chest. “I better toughen up. I’m going to need to feel you cum inside of me like… in a few hours? If you aren’t busy, that is.”

“We’ll see,” I chuckled.

Once the two of us had washed each other off, we stumbled out of the shower to the cheers of the rest of the group.

“That sounded very pleasant,” Mirage purred. “I trust Sister Deja enjoyed herself?”

Deja’s eyes lit up as she placed her hands against her chest in shock and let out a gasp.

“Sister Deja?” she giggled. “We’re totally sisters now?”

“Now that we’re connected to King Ralston, yes.” Mirage nodded with a smile.

“We’re not all connected, Mirage … ” Inpulsa reminded the brunette madame. “You haven’t gone yet.”

“Oh, girls,” Mirage chuckled, “I don’t even know if Jacob has enough fluid left in his body to make the final connection.”

“Only one way to find out,” I said with an animalistic growl as I stepped forward, snatched Mirage off the bed, and then pressed my lips against her.

The rest of the succubi let out a gleeful squeal as they watched me make out with their new madame, and soon Mirage’s left arm wrapped around my neck.

At the same time, her right hand reached down and began to pet my cock intensely. She had a ginger touch, and within seconds, the blood began to return to my manhood as it prepared to go another round.

“I guess it is possible,” Mirage purred.

“With King Ralston, anything is possible,” I joked, and then grabbed a handful of her perky breasts.

I moved back toward the bed with Mirage still in my arms and watched as the other succubi parted to give us room. I aggressively tossed the brunette madame down onto the bed, yanked her back so her lower half was just off the edge, and then slid my cock between the lips of her tight, tender slit.

Mirage let out an intense moan as she tossed her legs around my waist, and I took both of her hands in my own.

I held her arms down against the silk sheets as I leaned forward and kissed her heatedly. Then my dick pumped in and out of her in passionate rhythm as our bodies seemed to merge into one, and our moans of pleasure mingled together in the air like a chorus of lust.

After all we’d seen in the last hour, we were both extraordinarily turned on. Mirage was as wet as a storm surge, and my cock seemed to be made of concrete.

Our bodies melted together as we fucked each other, and our lips drank eagerly from each other’s mouths. Slowly, I felt her warm tunnel begin to convulse around me, and I knew she was climbing to her peak.

“Ohhh. Ohh, Jacob. Ohhhh! Fuckkkkkkk!” Mirage stifled a few whimpers before she finally let go and filled the entire room with an earth-shattering moan.

As the sound left her lips, I shoved my cock as deep inside of her as it could go and unleashed a surge of my own. I filled the madame’s pussy with my orgasm as she came, and then I slid in and out of her a few times while she continued to climax. She seemed to appreciate the extra friction of my cock scraping against her cum-soaked walls, and she let out another long moan as her entire body vibrated like a purring cat.

Then she was done climaxing, and I laid down atop her naked body while we both caught our breaths.

“Hmmm,” I growled and gave her one last kiss before I rolled over to the side, climbed up onto the pillows, and let out a deep sigh.

“Don’t forget the words,” Mirage implored coyly. “Unless, of course, you want to go again.”

As much as I wanted to make love to all of these women endlessly, I knew my limits. Besides, we were here to perform the ceremony, and that was exactly what I intended to do.

I gave Mirage a stern nod, and then I uttered the words that would turn her from a simple succubus madame into a powerful Demon Lord.

She repeated the incantation as her body glowed with golden Hellfire, and then all went back to normal.

“I don’t know about the rest of you girls,” Mirage mused, “but I’m beat. Now comes the second most important part of satisfying your King … the post-coital snuggle.”

Mirage huffed as she crawled up next to me, nestled into the pillow, and then cuddled into my body.

“I’m fucking in!” Inpulsa giggled as she hopped onto the bed. “I promise I don’t shock in my sleep.”

“Good to know,” I joked as I wrapped my hand around the yellow-haired succubus.

Eclipse and Deja collapsed on the bed on the outside of the two succubi who were already laying down, and then they cuddled close together.

I pulled all of them in close as my eyelids fluttered, and I thought about how fucking lucky of a guy I was.

Soon, I was asleep.

Chapter 3

“Jacob … ” I heard Superbia’s beautiful voice calling to me from the darkness, “wake up, Jacob.”

My eyes flew open in a flash, and I was met with the small, round face of Sia staring back at me.

“What--How long was I out?” I asked as I sat up in bed groggily and rubbed my eyes. “Where is everybody?”

“That’s why I wanted to wake you up,” the redhead giggled. “The newbies are all ready to show off their upgrades. Also, you have a message from Metatron. He wishes to speak with you, but I told him you were ‘busy … ‘”

“Damn,” I chuckled, “I really have been out for a while. The newbies must have worn me out more than I thought.”

“Oh, they told me everything they did to you,” the madame cooed, “and frankly, I’m surprised you’re still able to walk. And that the shower is still standing.”

“Me too,” I noted as I tossed on my clothes. “How are they all holding up?”

“The girls are doing excellent,” Sia explained. “They’ve been gushing about their exploits to Libidine and Tris for the last two hours. Come now, they’ll be waiting for you.”

“Uh, what about this room?” I asked curiously, “It’s kinda a mess, and--”

“The Shades will handle it, Jacob,” she retorted matter-of-factly before she strutted out the door.

I followed the Sister of Pride out of the “Anointing Room” and then down the hallway, until we finally came to the main living area of the castle.

Libidine was sitting in a red leather chair as Eclipse, Inpulsa, and Deja all stood in front of her, and the new Demon Lords gestured wildly as they chattered happily. Meanwhile, Mirage was leaned up against the nearby wall.

The brunette madame had a sly grin on her face as she watched her new sisters interact, but she remained silent.

Just off to the right, on the large leather couch, sat Tristitia. In typical fashion, she was sprawled out with her legs propped up on a pillow and a joint in her mouth. The Sister of Sloth’s eyes were almost purely red, but the expression on her face was one of pure bliss.

Typical Tris.

“There he is!” Mirage announced when she saw me enter. “I was starting to think the girls and I had put you into a coma.”

“I was out for like, two hours and remember absolutely nothing,” I joked back, “for all I know, you did.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Libidine chuckled as she covered her mouth playfully. “Jacob might have the stamina of a sled dog, but he’s always so tired when it’s all said and done.”

“Hey,” I shrugged, “even the sled dogs have gotta rest at some point.”

“My new sisters were just showing off all of their wonderful new Demon Lord powers and accessories!” Libidine continued. “I’m actually kinda jealous.”

“Jealous?” Eclipse scoffed. “Why would you be jealous of this?”

As the words escaped her mouth, the tattooed succubus held up a glowing black hand. Immediately, a bit of the dark Hellfire fluttered up into the air and began to swirl until it formed a small, enchanted vortex.

“Why wouldn’t I be jealous of that?” Libidine gasped. “You can literally create miniature black holes! You can single-handedly protect us from incoming projectiles and, with a little bit of practice, you could be able to take out entire enemy armies or pull flying opponents out of the sky! The possibilities are endless, Sister.”

“And that’s just the tip of the iceberg,” Mirage admitted, “show him your new armor and your naginata.”

Eclipse motioned for everybody to take a step back. The second they were clear, she stepped forward, surrounded her body in black Hellfire, and then opened up her arms and legs valiantly. As she did so, the tattoos on her body began to glow intensely, and then the skin underneath them began to contort and stretch like it was made of taffy.

The tattoos faded into gray patches as they spread across Eclipse’s entire body and appeared to grow textured, almost like a rock. When all was said and done, the dark-haired succubus was covered from neck to toe in paneled, thick patches of gray armor reminiscent of a rhinoceros’ hide.

In her hand, Eclipse held her signature naginata. However, it was now much more extravagant, with a blade that curled back so far that its tip nearly touched its hilt, and a long handle made out of shiny black metal chock full of intricate Inferoglyph carvings.

“Holy shit,” I whistled, “you’re totally rocking the whole ‘Samurai’ look now, huh?”

“I think it’s kinda cool,” Eclipse shrugged, “but I can already tell you, it’s gonna be a bitch to try and move around in this armor.”

“I am still trying to figure out if it’s your skin, or leather,” Sia admitted as she ran her hand along the tattooed succubus’ armored shoulder.

“It’s weird,” Eclipse mused, “you know when you get a rough callous on your foot? It feels kinda like that, but way thicker, and all over my body.”

“Ewwwww,” Deja gagged, “that’s why I always get foot jobs.”

All of us stopped and stared at the brunette succubus and hoped she would realize her Freudian slip. After a few seconds of confused, awkward silence, Mirage leaned forward.

“I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘pedicure,’ Sister,” Mirage corrected.

“Oh, right,” Deja laughed and slapped herself on the forehead, “if it’s bothering you too much, you can always get a pedicure.”

“What about you?” I questioned the succubus. “Did the ceremony give you any sort of awesome new powers, too?”

“One or two,” Deja said with a wink.

The time-manipulating succubus snapped her fingers, and her trademark chains appeared in her hands with a flash of green Hellfire. Then, without warning, she whipped them forward and wrapped the chains around my body.

The world began to spin as I got light-headed, and I noticed my own body was flickering just like Deja’s did when she was about to split. Suddenly, there was a strange tingling sensation, and the succubi all gasped.

Standing right next to me was a perfect clone of myself.

I raised an eyebrow at my doppelganger, and he did the same.

“You can clone other people now?” I asked at the same time as the other Jacob.

“Somewhat,” Deja admitted, “I can make a perfect physical copy, but, like, they don’t act on their own like mine do. They just mirror whatever the original person does.”

“We could make that work,” Libidine giggled with a blush, and I knew exactly what she was thinking.

“This still opens the door for millions of possibilities,” Mirage explained, “but not as many as your defensive ability.”

Without warning, Mirage summoned her gladius sword with a flash of green Hellfire and took a hearty swing at Deja.

Deja let out a gasp of shock as her body began to glitch like crazy, and then the blade of the sword passed straight through as if she were a ghost.

“Holy shit,” my clone and I both uttered in awe.

“Sister Deja didn’t need an armor upgrade,” Mirage explained, “as long as she sees an attack coming, they don’t stand a chance of landing a hit.”

“Enough about me!” Deja protested with a sigh. “Why don’t you show him your new powers, Mirage?”

“I’m with Deja” I prodded, “I want to see what my newest Madame has up her sleeve.”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” she shot back playfully.

“I dunno,” I flirted as I removed the chain from my body and then watched as my clone glitched for a moment and disappeared. “I’ve seen a lot of shit in the last few years. I think I can handle whatever you’re gonna throw at me.”

“Well … ” She smiled slyly as she walked over and placed her hand against my cheek. “What if I told you that you’re not really talking to me right now?”

“That would be--” I began, but then the succubus madame disappeared in a puff of green mist.

I heard clapping from across the room, and my jaw nearly hit the floor when I turned and saw Mirage stepping out of the shadows.

The brunette succubus was now wearing a dark green dress with a plunging neckline and sleeves that just hung off her shoulders. Her chest was covered with what could only be described as a female version of the traditional Roman breastplate. It fit taut against her chest and showed off her amazing figure in all its glory. Her pert breasts, toned tummy, and slender hips were covered by the tight-fitting armor, and I could barely contain my excitement as I watched her saunter toward us.

Atop Mirage’s head sat a pair of small, brown horns that had to be no bigger than four or five inches long. They were only a few shades darker than her chocolate locks, but they stood out elegantly and signified her transition from madame to Demon Lord.

“Impressive, right?” Mirage purred as she drew closer.

“Wow,” I breathed, “that felt way more realistic than your powers did before.”

“It appears my tricks can now manifest themselves as near perfect replicas of their physical components,” the madame explained.

“Green Lantern,” I chuckled to myself and shook my head.

“What’s that?” Mirage questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s what Todd’s gonna call you when he finds out you can do that,” I elaborated.

“Well, that’s better than ‘Houdini,’” she admitted. “Did you know that man didn’t even use real magic?”

“I’m shocked, I tell you,” I remarked sarcastically, and then I turned over to the final powered-up woman.

Inpulsa had been watching this whole time, but the yellow-haired succubus had been fairly quiet. She was still clad in her black leather outfit, the one fitted with metal studs to amplify her own electrical attacks. However, her hair was now standing up wildly in every direction, almost as if she’d been hit by one of her own shocking spells.

“Yes?” the yellow-haired beauty joked when she saw me gawking. “It’s part of the new look. I think it looks pretty damn badass.”

“It does,” I agreed, “I was just wondering how the ceremony affected you, other than the new ‘doo.”

The yellow-haired succubus strutted over in front of me with determination on her face. Then she summoned yellow hellfire into her hands, clapped them together, and whipped them apart about three feet. As she did so, a vibrant bolt of electricity danced back and forth between her open palms. Inpulsa held her spell firmly for a few seconds more, and that’s when I heard it.

The metal in the room was rattling like mad.

It was being pulled toward Inpulsa’s spell.

“Electromagnetic powers,” the yellow-haired succubus said with a grin. “It doesn’t work on enchanted metal, but if I were to increase the intensity of the spell, it’d pull every single nail, screw, and hanger out of the walls.”

“Guys,” I announced happily as I turned to the rest of the team, “I think making you into Demon Lords is one of the greatest things I’ve ever done.”

“You sure it’s not just because you got to fuck us all?” Eclipse taunted playfully.

“That’s an added bonus,” I chuckled, “but seriously. Beelzebub and his forces aren’t even gonna know what hit them.”

“Speaking of the Lord of the Flies … ” Sia interjected, “that was something Metatron wanted to talk to you about.”

Woops.

I’d totally forgotten I still needed to talk to the Archangel. It’d been at least two weeks since our last update, and I was sure we were both getting concerned that we hadn’t heard back from each other.

“Shit!” I exclaimed. “You guys hold the fort down. I’m gonna go talk to him.”

I scuttled out of the room as quickly as I could and then made my way toward the study that housed the HAM Radio. As soon as I was through the door, I slammed it shut, zipped over to the desk, and picked up the microphone.

“Shining Knight, come in,” I announced through the mic, “this is Black Knight. Do you copy?”

There was a crackle of static on the other end, but nobody seemed to be home. I repeated myself three more times before I sat the microphone down in frustration.

However, just as I was about to give up, I heard a voice from the other end.

“Hello, Black Knight,” an all-too-familiar voice spoke up, “this is Silver Falcon. Shining Knight stepped out for a few minutes.”

Raphael.

“Good to hear from you, Silver Falcon,” I mused. “I heard you guys rang, so I figured I’d give you a call back.”

“Can you hold for a minute?” Raphael asked apologetically, “I can run and grab Shining Knight for you. He’s right outside--”

“You don’t have to--” I began, but then the radio crackled loudly.

I could faintly hear the sound of dashing footsteps, followed by a door creaking open and chatter from the hallway.

Raph had left the mic on.

“He’s on the transmission device!” Raphael’s voice called out from afar. “Yeah, he wants to speak with both of us. Do you think this ‘HAM radio’ can handle two microphones at the same time? What? No, I’m not one-hundred percent confident it won’t explode. That’s why I’m asking you!”

The next thing I knew, I heard loud footsteps enter the room on the other side of the transmission.

“There’s a second headset,” Metatron’s voice sighed, “it was built to do this, Raphael.”

“Are you positive?” the voice of Raph asked with a twinge of panic, “You know how bad I am with these ‘technology’ things. My Blackberry was too much for me, for crying out loud!”

“So, that’s why you have one of those senior cell phones now?” Metatron chuckled.

“The Jitterbug is not a senior cell phone!” Raph protested. “It’s a simplified version of the cellular device, meant for those who are not infatuated with all the bells and whistles of the modern phone. Who wouldn’t want a giant display screen and buttons that are only “send,” and the power? It makes life soooo much easier.”

I couldn’t help but laugh and shake my head in amusement as I listened to Raph and Metatron fumble with the radio. Even though I was having a blast, I needed to say something to let them know I was still here.

“Uh, guys?” I announced through the headset. “I can still hear you.”

“Oh, no!” Raphael gasped. “Now he sounds far away!”

“No, no, I’m just--”

“Black Knight!” the Archangel’s voice yelled through the phone with the intensity of a freight train. “Can you hear us?”

I turned down the radio before my eardrums were blown out, and then I brought the mic back up to my lips.

“I can you hear you just fine, Raph,” I explained through a cringe, “there’s no need to shout, you’re coming in loud and clear.”

“Am I being too loud?” Raphael questioned, and then his voice turned into a whisper. “Is this better?”

“Just talk with your normal voice, Raphael,” Metatron sighed. “How are things going in Hell, Black Knight?”

“Pretty damn good,” I admitted as I turned the volume back up to normal. “I’m sure you heard that Public Enemy Number Three has been taken out.”

“I have, and I am impressed,” Metatron admitted. “I’m curious as to how you accomplished such a feat.”

“Well, that’s one of the things I wanted to tell you … ” I trailed off to build suspense. “We have a new ally, and she was the one who helped take this guy down.”

“She?” Metatron gasped. “Were you able to secure the loyalty of one of the Queens?”

“Not just any Queen,” I explained, “I got Prime.”

There was silence on the other end of the line, and I hoped the Archangels understood I was talking about Lilith, the original succubus.

“Prime?” Raphael asked with a whisper. “Who is Prime?”

“The most important missing player in our game,” Metatron tried to explain without giving her name away. “The one who served Lucifer faithfully. The one who is responsible for, well, all of this.”

“It turns out she was way more responsible for this than we ever could have imagined,” I sighed. “Prime told me she’s been watching me for years now and has been working behind the scenes to make sure I found out about the world of the Demonic. Apparently, she was in disguise the whole time as my ex-girlfriend, and she wanted to prevent me from getting into any serious relationships or from moving out of the apartment my occult-loving friend and I shared.”

“I’m sure Han Jobe didn’t take that very well,” Raph noted, though I could tell he was annoyed he had to call Todd by his ridiculous code name.

“He did not,” I chuckled, “I’m still not sure he’s completely over it.”

“Having Prime on your side changes the entire landscape of this battle,” Metatron mused. “In fact, it may just change the entire trajectory of this war, as well.”

“On top of all that,” I continued, “I’ve got four more Demon Lords at my disposal now, and my army is becoming more and more skilled by the day. Soon, we’ll be able to march into Public Enemy Number One’s territory and take him out once and for all. With a little bit of help from you guys, of course.”

There was radio silence on the other end of the line, and my heart began to drop in my chest. I heard the distinct sound of a microphone tapping against the table, almost as if the Archangels didn’t want me to hear them.

“Are you going to tell him?” I heard Raphael whisper.

“I thought you were going to tell him,” Metatron hissed, “you two have known each other for much longer. It’d make more sense for you to break the news to him.”

“What news?” I interjected with annoyance. “I can hear you guys, you know.”

There was silence once more, followed immediately by a loud gulp and then an awkward chuckle.

“Ah yes, the news … ” Metatron sighed. “You may want to be sitting down for this one.”

“I already am,” I confirmed as my heart hammered in my chest.

“Well … Raphael and I took your case to the Council of Archangels for deliberation--” the Archangel began, but he was quickly cut off by Raph.

“We fought really, really hard for you, my friend,” Raphael explained apologetically. “We really did.”

“What the Hell are you guys talking about?” I demanded. “Is the Exalted One leaving me out to dry down here?”

“Of course not!” Metatron gasped. “Our creator and lord would never do something so heartless and cruel. As long as you live and fight for our cause, we will be on your side.”

“Then what’s the bad news?” I implored.

“When the time comes to face off against Public Enemy Number One, it has been decided that you and your army must do it alone,” the Archangel explained. “The Council has decided it will not violate interdimensional law and enter the Underworld without permission.”

“What. The. Fuck … ” I felt the anger boiling up inside of me as the words trembled out of my mouth. “So, you are just going to leave us out to dry!”

“You need to understand something, J--er, Black Knight,” Metatron pleaded. “If a literal army of Angels enters Hell at the behest of the Exalted One, it will reactivate the Eternal War. If that happens, then your former archnemesis, Public Enemy Number One, and all of their allies, will have won.”

I laid my head back and stared at the ceiling in frustration. As much as I hated to admit it, Metatron was right.

Azazel had always talked about how he didn’t care much for interdimensional law and how he wanted to enslave all of humankind. At the same time, the entire goal of Beelzebub and his allies was to knock off the Exalted One and Lucifer and then take their place in a “new world order.”

If we reignited the war between Heaven and Hell, it would be playing right into their hands, and right now, I needed to focus all attention on taking out Beelzebub. Aka “Public Enemy Number One.”

“You’re right,” I conceded with a deep sigh. “We can’t bring the entire Army of the Divine down here unprovoked. Could you at least, like, send me an Archangel or two?”

“Sadly, that is out of the question, as well,” Metatron explained somberly. “Archangels are the generals of the Army of the Divine. If any of them were to show up, especially under the Exalted One’s orders, it would cause just as many problems.”

“They’d be seen as what you humans call ‘Foreign Agents’ down on Earth,” Raphael added. “Lucifer would capture them instantly and then make them suffer for all of eternity, or until the Exalted One decided to do something about it. And if he decided to do something about it--”

“Yeah, yeah,” I huffed, “all-out war. Couldn’t I just say you were there under my orders or that I converted you? It’s seemed to work for Gym Rat.”

I hated calling Ariel that, but she was very adamant about it being her nickname.

“Black Knight … ” Metatron warned, “an inconsequential angel is one thing. An Archangel is another. Why do you think Uriel and Public Enemy Number One kept their alliance firmly under wraps? The Demon King knew what would happen if he were caught allying himself with an Archangel.”

My heart was already in my stomach, but now it felt like it dropped down into my feet.

“Then why have I been able to get away with it for so long?” I questioned. “I’ve been allied with Archangels since the beginning.”

“I wish I had an answer, Black Knight,” Metatron admitted, “it’s been something that has been bothering us for a while now, especially after the revelation you had about your heritage.”

“Perhaps it’s as simple as that?” Raphael suggested. “Maybe Black Knight is being cut slack simply because he’s the ‘Prodigal Son?’”

“Maybe,” Metatron sighed, “but I would have thought that’d make it even worse. In any case, we don’t want to push our luck. The official position is we cannot send any angels down there to help you.”

“The official position?” I asked.

“That’s right,” Raphael reiterated suggestively, “the ‘official’ position.”

There was dead silence on the other side of the radio, but I had no idea what was going on.

Finally, Metatron broke the dead air.

“He cannot see you winking, Silver Falcon,” the Archangel sighed.

“How was I supposed to know that?” Raph shot back. “I thought these fancy HAM radios all had video capabilities now? At least, that’s what the man at the Cricket store told me.”

It’s a shame Todd wasn’t here right now. He’d be having a fucking field day with this.

“So, just to be clear … ” I repeated one last time, “the official position is I can’t have any Divine intervention?”

“That is correct,” Metatron agreed.

“I just winked again,” Raph added, “I figured I should let you know.”

“Got it,” I chuckled as my heart began to swell with relief. “Well that’s too bad, then. Are you sure they won’t reconsider?”

“I am sure,” Metatron answered coyly, “my hands are tied, Black Knight.”

“Fuck,” I feigned anger, “well, please tell me you’ve at least got some good news for me, too.”

“I do!” Raphael’s voice interjected through the radio alongside a loud screech.

“You don’t have to hold it right up to your lips!” Metatron reminded his friend.

“Right,” Raph chuckled awkwardly. “What I wanted to tell you is that, thanks to your little excursion to South Dakota, the Cult of Beelzebub has been completely exterminated. But, that’s not all … Apparently, your two cult leaders were quite busy when they returned from their mini vacation. I’m pleased to announce the Cult of Gressil has been eliminated once and for all, as well.”

“Really?” I gasped.

This was fucking huge. A Demon King’s power came in large part from the number of followers they had, whether that be Demon Lords or humans on Earth who worshipped them. Now, Gressil and Beelzebub had nobody left. We’d taken out the last of Beelzebub’s Demon Lords with Loras and Duglot, and now neither of the bastards had any human followers left at all.

“Congratulations, Black Knight,” Raph mused, “your enemies are now the weakest they could possibly be.”

“So, you’re saying now is the perfect time to strike?” I implored.

“I’m not sure,” Metatron admitted. “Public Enemy Number One is still the most powerful Demon Lord in all of Hell. Even in his depowered state, he should not be taken lightly.”

“What about Public Enemy Number Two, then?” I shot back.

“Speak with Prime,” Metatron suggested, “she will know these two better than we ever could. However, I would imagine she would agree with you. Your enemies are weaker now than they have ever been at any point in history, my friend. You’d be foolish to let this opportunity go to waste.”

“Message heard loud and fucking clear,” I reassured him, “I won’t waste it.”

“Good,” Metatron reminded me, “because I can promise you, there won’t be a better shot. That’s all I have for you today, my friend. Shining Knight, over and out.”

“Black Knight, over and out,” I responded.

“Silver Falcon, over and out!” Raph agreed, and then the radio lines went silent.

I sat back in my chair as I pondered my next move. It seemed like the stars were aligning, and it would be foolish to not take a shot at Beelzebub and Gressil while they were still licking their wounds. Not to mention, they’d just lost their strongest ally with the death of Baphomet, and I now had unlimited access to the Fifth Circle of Hell.

It was now or never. And I certainly wasn’t going to let it be “never.”

Beelzebub had been planning an invasion of the Fourth Circle for months, but now it was time to turn the tables.

We were going to bring the fight to them.

Chapter 4

“Army of Ralston, attention!” Cupiditas shouted like a drill sergeant from the stage at the front of the coliseum.

Right on cue, the hundreds of Shades who stood before us tensed their bodies, turned to face us, and stomped their right foot in unison. The sound of their boots was muffled by the sandy ground beneath them, but I knew for a fact the action would be intimidating as fuck on the actual battlefield.

“A bunch of soldiers, all lined up in perfect formation,” Ariel, the red-headed angel, whistled, “just what I like to see.”

“Bro, are you really sure she’s not some sorta sociopath?” Todd whispered into my ear. “No matter how much I try to push it aside, I keep gettin’ Patrick Bateman vibes.”

“Don’t you mean Rachael?” I retorted with a chuckle. “The female version of the killer is totally more appropriate, don’t you think?”

Todd pursed his lips as his head turned toward me and tilted ominously to the side.

“We don’t talk about American Psycho II, bro,” he warned. “That movie is an abomination to mankind, even if it does have Mila Kunis in it!”

“Fine,” I conceded with my arms up in defeat, “she’s Patrick Bateman, then. But I don’t see it. Ariel is fucking amazing.”

“Of course, you think that, Jakey,” Todd sighed, “you let her diddle your fiddle. Just watch out, bro … If she starts flexing and looking at herself in the mirror while you’re sloppin’ the hogs, get outta there ASAP!”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said as I rolled my eyes and turned back to the task at hand.

Ariel, Daniel, and Cupi had been hard at work for the last few months. Ariel would build badass new weapons and armor, and then Daniel and Cupi would test them out during training exercises here in the coliseum. They’d been at it for some time, and now it was time to see if all that training would pay off.

“Today is a glorious day, my friends,” the blond-haired Shade, Daniel, announced as he stepped forward on the stage. “King Ralston has just informed me that, after months of blood, sweat, and tears, after all the insane effort we’ve put into our training regiments … we are finally going into battle!”

Cheers, hoots, and hollers rang out from the crowd, but Cupi quickly silenced them with a wave of her hand.

It was almost kinda eerie how obedient they were to the Sister of Greed.

“Thank you” Cupi nodded.

“My brothers and sisters,” Daniel began, “we are to march into the Sixth Circle and lay waste to our enemy’s domain. Then we shall push forth through to the Eighth Circle, where we will bring down our greatest enemy once and for all!”

“Notice he didn’t mention the Seventh Circle?” Todd whispered obnoxiously. “He’s totally forgetting about Abbadabadingdong.”

“We’ll deal with Abbadon when we get there,” I explained to the imp at my side, “for now, let’s just let the Shades savor the moment.”

“Now,” Cupiditas explained from above, “we have long practiced techniques on how to take down the Daeva and any of the zombified Shades Gressil can create. But today, we’re going to go for the big guns themselves. That’s right … today we’re going to practice techniques that will take down Gressil and Beelzebub themselves.”

There were hushed murmurs all throughout the coliseum. The Shades knew they would eventually have to face off against these two Demon Kings and their armies, but they probably hadn’t given much thought to the idea of tangoing with either of the bastards one-on-one.

But they had to be prepared. If we wanted to take these guys down once and for all, we were going to have to throw everything we had at them.

If that meant a lone Shade delivering the killing blow instead of me, so be it.

“Gressil likes to keep his opponents at a distance, and he very rarely does his own dirty work,” Cupi explained. “So, if you find yourself going up against him, be ready for freezing spells, bolts of red Hellfire, and, of course, mind-controlled zombies. As far as Beelzebub goes … it’s all about breaking through his impenetrable wings. The Lord of the Flies will also try to keep you at bay with his Hellfire arrows, so agility is a must.”

“That means we’re going to start out with a little exercise in what I like to call ‘dodge and strike,’” Ariel took over. “It’s pretty easy, actually. It’s also a great cardio, strength, and endurance exercise, so that should brighten up everybody’s day!”

“She totally listens to Huey Lewis and the News,” Todd shuddered. “Don’t let her anywhere near an axe, bro.”

“Alright,” Daniel clapped, and then motioned to both sides of the coliseum, “let’s split into groups and begin.”

“I call Jakey!” Todd exclaimed as he slapped me harshly on the back. “It’s gonna be like Mr. Henson’s gym class all over again, bro. Only this time, the Toddster gets to pick his team, and I ain’t gonna be picking myself last. You know why?”

“Because you don’t want to relive those painful memories?” I joked.

“Painful memories?” Todd scoffed, “Whatcha talkin’ about, Jakey? The best of the best always get picked last, bro. I just wanted you to feel special for once.”

“Right … ” I laughed as I leaned over to Cupiditas and Daniel. “So, what exactly do we need to do here?”

“It’s as simple as it sounds,” Cupi reiterated. “One of you will pretend to be Gressil and hurl fireballs at the other, while the person getting attacked tries to reach your position. I want you to work on your speed and agility the most, so I’m going to ban you from utilizing your green or purple Hellfire as a shield.”

“Well, that’s no fun,” I retorted with a sly smile. “I don’t think Gressil is gonna call me out for cheating if I kick his ass with slow, old-fashioned attacks.”

“Of course not,” the blonde succubus agreed, “but this is all about fine-tuning your physical skills. Who knows? There may come a day where you can’t use your powers the way you normally do.”

“That’ll be the day,” I chuckled.

“Sounds like a great set-up for a sequel, Cupi,” Todd snickered and then motioned for me to follow him off the stage. “Come on, Jakey. I’ll pitch and you catch.”

All four of us up on the stage stood there and waited for Todd’s trusty “no homo.” But it never came.

The imp must not have realized what he said, but it gave us all a hearty giggle.

“I’m coming, bro,” I called out as I shot a wink to my three friends, “I wouldn’t want you throwing your balls at anyone else.”

“Brooooooooo,” Todd groaned, “you’re too young to be doing dad jokes.”

I snickered and followed the imp across the sandy ground, all the way over to the right quadrant of the arena. Before us stood a regulation-sized wrestling ring, complete with ropes and a handful of hidden weapons underneath. Instantly, I recognized this as the place where Todd held his monthly “royal rumbles” with the Shades.

Of course, he brought me here.

“Are we really going to train in a wrestling ring?” I questioned as I watched the tiny red-skinned imp flutter up between the ropes.

“Where else are we gonna train?” he retorted matter-of-factly. “Besides, this place is totally thematically appropriate.”

“How so?” I asked, and then I hoisted myself up into the ring.

I hadn’t ever been in a wrestling ring before, but it felt about the same as I expected it to feel. The mat beneath my feet was somewhat spongey, and it seemed like I was lightly bouncing with each step I took. The ropes were rubbery with a hard, taut fiber of some sort underneath, and the entire place reeked of literal blood, sweat, and tears.

“You ready for this, bro?” Todd chuckled. “I’ll go first, but I got a little twist for ya … ”

“Oh no,” I sighed, “what are you gonna--”

Before I could even finish my inquiry, Todd fluttered up into the air and began to wave his hand back and forth in front of his face.

“You can’t see me, bitch!” the imp cackled as he turned invisible.

So, that was Todd’s game. He thought he could get the best of me by turning invisible and then assaulting me with fireballs out of the blue.

My little imp friend was in for a rude awakening.

No green or purple Hellfire to block the attacks? No problem.

The first series of fireballs came from behind me, and I spun out of the way just as they came crashing down on my position. I summoned red Hellfire into my hand to return fire at Todd, but then I remembered the point of this exercise.

I needed to get close enough to my attacker to “take him out” by hand.

“Not so tough without your long-range attacks, are ya, bro?” Todd prodded from somewhere above my position.

I ducked down as three more snowball-sized fireballs zipped past my head, and then I spun around and took a swing at the air behind me. My fist caught nothing but wind, and I had to quickly tuck and roll forward as another flurry of fireballs rained down upon me.

“He’s on fiiiiirrrrreeee!” the imp’s disembodied voice cackled as it traveled through the air around me.

I focused my thoughts and tried to pay attention to the sound of my environment.

I’d never fought an invisible opponent before, and it was way harder than it looked. I could see why Todd loved using this power so fucking much, even if half the time it was just so he could spy on “hot babes.”

I summoned red Hellfire into my fist, spun around, and punched at the sky where I thought I’d heard the swish of wind.

“Ohhhhh, so close!” Todd’s voice giggled. “Hey Jakey, are you my credit score? Because you’re about to be torched!”

I felt the intensity of Todd’s attack as it manifested in his tiny hands. There was a searing-hot heat that appeared just off to my right, but I was able to fall to the ground and avoid the point-blank projectiles.

“Ya know,” I mused as I rolled forward and hopped back to my feet, “you talk a lotta shit for an imp who hasn’t landed a single blow.”

I quickly racked my brain as I tried to think of another way to even up the odds. I couldn’t use my green or purple Hellfire as a shield or deterrent, but all of my other powers were still on the table.

Maybe I could blind Todd with a flash of Divine Light? No … that would knock him off-guard, but it wouldn’t reveal his position. Perhaps I could use my silver flames to command the ropes of the ring to attack him? Would my magic spells know where to go, even if I couldn’t see my opponent with my eyes?

Then it hit me.

I couldn’t use my green Hellfire as a shield to block the assault, but Cupi didn’t say anything about using it as its own offensive attack.

I hopped backward just as another basketball-sized fireball struck the ground, and then I made my move.

I summoned green Hellfire into one hand, called forth yellow flames in the other, and then clapped them both together with determination. Then, I lowered my makeshift meat hammer and tossed a handful of green and yellow shuriken into the sky.

Normally, my shuriken would have simply shot straight up in a line. However, these ones were enchanted with a bit of emerald telekinetic fire. So, instead of spewing in a singular direction, I commanded the tiny blades to swarm the entire area around me like a hive of angry bees.

The tiny, lime-colored projectiles shot around my position and nearly covered the entire ring in their glow.

Then I drew first blood.

“Yeeeoowww!” Todd yelped. “Easy with the merchandise, bro!”

That was all I needed. Todd was pinned down by my deadly, locust-like projectiles, and I knew exactly where he was.

In one quick motion, I called forth my silver Hellfire, liquified the metal inside of the ring’s “ropes,” and then commanded them to lash out in the direction of Todd’s voice. Seconds later, I heard the imp let out a grunt, and the metal lasso wrapped around his tiny body.

I drew my goat-headed dagger from its sheath, held it up in front of me, and then commanded the rope to bring my opponent down to me.

“Broooooooooo!” Todd’s disembodied voice shrieked as he hurled downward.

I stopped his momentum about a foot away from my blade, but he continued to scream in a high-pitched, girlish tone.

“Todd?” I tried to get his attention, but it was hard to talk over his scream. “Todd!”

The imp’s howl died off as his figure reappeared before me. Todd’s eyes were bulging out of his head in horror, and his mouth was still agape in awe at what had just happened. Suddenly, he realized he was visible again, and he changed his entire demeanor into one of disinterest.

“I totally was expecting that, bro,” the imp said as he cleared his throat macho-like. “Totally knew I was gonna be fine, too. Those wet spots on the center of the ring? Totally pools of sweat from our epic battle and definitely not where I pissed myself out of fear. Nope, I totally meant to lose.”

“Sure you did.” I rolled my eyes and released the imp from my grasp. “You wanna switch?”

“Sure thing, Jakey!” Todd nodded vigorously. “I’m tired of pitching. Too much work.”

I stifled a laugh, but Todd just raised his eyebrow at me inquisitively.

“I’m sure it is, bro,” I chuckled, “I’m sure it is.”

I released Todd from his liquid metal restraints, and the imp soared up a few feet into the air before he shook his head intensely.

“Alright, Toddster,” he muttered to himself, “get your head in the game. You already got bested by your bestie once, and you can’t let it happen again. Be the fucking ball, bro. Who’s the imp that once jerked it six times in one day? You are. Who caused pornvids.com to create an entire new category dedicated to Swedish massage-parlor videos? You fucking did, Toddster.”

“Uh, are you ready?” I asked, mostly to break up the awkward hype talk.

“I was born ready, bro!” Todd exclaimed as he slapped himself in the face. “Now, come on. You wanna get nuts? Let’s get nuts!”

I summoned red Hellfire into my hand and launched a large fireball at the imp.

He swiftly zipped out of the way of the attack, somersaulted in midair, and then came down toward me with his fist extended, superman-style.

I sidestepped his trajectory and then tried to contain my laughter as the imp smashed into the mat at breakneck speeds.

There was a loud crash as Todd hit the mat, and then his tiny body flipped up into the air. His arms and legs dragged behind him like a ragdoll before he landed face-down on the mat violently. He started to get up on his hands and knees, but he was groggy as fuck.

I knew what I had to do.

I hopped down on my knees, flipped the imp over on his back, and then pinned him like a WWE superstar. I smacked the mat three times as I counted aloud, and then I hopped back to my feet and held my hands in the air as I proclaimed victory.

“Just go ahead and hand me the title belt now, Todd,” I joked. “I’m the undisputed king of the ring.”

“That’s … that’s the wrong type of match, bro,” the imp muttered as he wobbled back to his feet. “On second thought, I don’t think I like catching at all. It’s leaving me waaaay more sore than the other way. In fact, I’ll totally go back to pitching twenty-four seven, three-hundred sixty-five days a year.”

“No homo?” I prompted the imp, but he only looked confused.

“Why would I need a ‘no homo?’” he questioned. “We’re just two guys, standing in the ring all hot and sweaty, talking about who’s gonna pitch fireballs and who’s gonna catch. Nothing wrong with that, bro.”

I was kinda glad Ira wasn’t here. She’d be having a field day with this.

“Very impressive, boys,” Ariel observed as she strutted up to the ring. “I only caught the tail end of your sparring match, but it looks like you were both going all out.”

“We sure were, Little Mermaid,” Todd lied. “We just went a full twelve rounds, and the judges are still saying it’s too close to call. I really don’t see why, though. Jakey had me on the ropes, but then, while I was down on the mat, I heard my old coach taunting me to get back up. If only he wasn’t accidentally killed by my arch-nemesis … ”

“I’ve seen Rocky III, Todd,” Ariel mused with a sly grin, “there’s not a single film out there based on athletics that I haven’t watched.”

“What are you talking about?” the imp gasped innocently. “You know how they said ‘inspired by a true story’ at the beginning of the movie?”

“I don’t remember that--” Ariel began, but Todd cut her off quickly.

“Well, that story was me, Little Mermaid,” he finished with a nod. “I totally threatened to sue Stallone, but I felt bad for the guy since, you know, he’s got the whole ‘disabled’ thing … ”

“Sylvester Stallone isn’t disabled.” I facepalmed. “He just talks like that because when he was born the doctors used the forceps wrong and—”

“And he pinched them in the nuts and then somersaulted out of his mom’s vajayjay.” Todd shrugged. “I know the story.”

“The Shades are doing really well with the training exercise,” Ariel said as she pointed out to the mass of soldiers who were doing the same exercise as Todd and me. “Cupi has been training them very well.”

“What about you?” I retorted coyly. “Did you successfully pass the test?”

Ariel’s green eyes lit up as she gave me a bashful look and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I didn’t need to,” she explained proudly. “I can already tell you I can successfully dodge projectiles. I’m as nimble as a cat.”

“You can say that again,” I purred as I looked up and down her tight body. “Maybe we should play some ‘pitch and catch’ again sometime.”

A deep blush crept up Ariel’s face, and she looked down with embarrassment on her face as she let out a giggle.

“Waaaaaiiiiiittttt,” Todd gasped. “Does ‘pitch and catch’ mean ‘take you to pound town?’ Oh my god … what have I done?”

The imp stared at his hands with a mix of terror and regret on his face. Then Todd’s expression turned to one of sadness as he hung his head and began to head for the side of the ring.

“Where are you going, bro?” I asked the sad imp.

“I was just talking about how much I loved pitching and catching with another dude, and I forgot to say ‘no homo,’” the imp sighed, “I think that means I’m gay now. I need to go tell my parents. And probably that sexy redhead from the diner in Kansas, too. Can I even call her sexy, or does the code completely forbid it?”

“That’s not how it works, Todd.” I rolled my eyes hard at his over dramatic reaction. “Also, there’s no ‘code.’ It’s not a secret society.”

Todd’s attitude perked up.

“Are you saying the Toddster’s got a second chance at being not gay?” he asked hopefully.

“Uh, sure? I’m just saying that--”

The imp ran over and wrapped his arms around my leg enthusiastically.

“Oh, thank you, mighty King Ralston!” he laughed. “The Toddster’s still seein’ straight after all!”

Suddenly, the imp’s body went rigid, and he yanked himself back off my leg. His eyes met mine as his eyebrows raised curiously.

“No homo?” he blurted out.

“No homo,” I repeated with a nod.

“You guys are ridiculous,” Ariel laughed. “Seriously, they should give you your own TV show or something.”

“Could you imagine?” the imp started as his imagination ran wild. “The Toddster and Jakey- Dynamic Duo. Or maybe it could be Jake and the Todd-man. Or even The Todd and Jakey Power Hour, featuring the Seven Sisters of Sin. The possibilities are endless, Little Mermaid!”

As Todd continued to ramble on about the possibility of our own show, I noticed one of the members of my Shade Army had wandered over to our position.

He was a middle-aged man with jet black hair and long, thin features that sat atop his lanky face. The Shade was wearing a set of Ariel’s makeshift armor, and he carried a small dagger in his hands.

“Can I help you, soldier?” I called out as he approached the ring. “You look lost.”

“Oh, I’m far from lost, King Ralston,” the man retorted. “In fact, everything is in perfect position.”

I didn’t like the sound of that.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to stop right there, soldier!” I commanded, but the Shade wasn’t stopping. “That’s a direct order from your King!”

“I have no king,” the Shade mocked as he gripped his blade tightly and began to run toward our position. “None of us do.”

Then the Shade’s body was surrounded by a dark black ectoplasm, and it was outlined by a light shimmer of white.

I recognized it immediately. It was the magic of a paranormal assassin.

The Shade jumped up into the air, and the second his feet were off the ground, his true form was revealed. Two giant sets of black, feathered wings sprouted from his back and formed into a shape similar to a butterfly’s. At the same time, his elongated features grew outward into a snout, his ears became pointed, and his eyes turned into a soulless dark pupil. The Shade’s legs outstretched into two lanky, taloned appendages, and a scorpion’s tail emerged from his back.

Perhaps the strangest thing of all, though, was the fact that there was a long green snake attached to the spot where his penis should have been.

The demon fluttered up into the sky and outstretched his arms in challenge.

“My name is Pazuzu,” he announced, “I am the Sumerian God of the Wind, and the most powerful assassin in the Order.”

“Holy shit, Jakey!” Todd gasped. “It’s the fucking star of The Exorcist!”

“I thought that was a possessed little girl?” I questioned as I drew the Unhallowed Sword from its sheath.

“Yeah, bro,” the imp explained, “a little girl possessed by Panzerotti over here. But we can talk about that later. I think now’s the part where you answer his threat back with an even cooler, more badass threat.”

“Thanks, Todd,” I noted as I turned my attention back to the floating demon. “You know, every single one of you claims to be the ‘most powerful assassin’ in the Order. Yet, I kill each and every one of you just the same. You’re going to be no different, so I’ll give you the chance to give up right now.”

“Prepare to die, Nephilim!” Pazuzu screamed.

Then the demon began his downward trajectory, straight toward the three of us.

Welp, this was going to be as good of a training exercise as any.

Chapter 5

As the demon assassin Pazuzu rocketed down toward us, I summoned red Hellfire into my hands, ran it over the Unhallowed Sword, and enchanted it with the incendiary flames.

I wasn’t sure exactly what this guy’s endgame was. There were literally hundreds of us, but only one of him. Did he really think he was gonna come out of this in one piece? Or was he really just that cocky?

“Serpentine, Jakey!” Todd shouted as he bolted off in the other direction.

I followed my friend’s lead and dashed off to the right of the incoming assassin, but Ariel stood her ground.

The angel summoned Divine Light into both of her hands, shaped them into a pair of two-pronged claw gauntlets, and then crouched down as she prepared for the assault.

“What are you doing, Ariel?” I called back desperately.

I figured Pazuzu was cocky and brash, but there was no way he was just going for a straight-up charge. The fucker was planning something, and Ariel was about to fall right into his trap.

Suddenly, Pazuzu’s entire body began to glow with dark ectoplasm, and the tips of his wings slimmed down into thin, shiny edges, almost as if they had become gliding razor blades. Then the demon’s trajectory changed instantly, and his entire body began to twirl in a circular motion. Within seconds, the fucker had turned his entire body into a life-sized, deadly buzzsaw.

And he was headed right for Ariel.

I quickly threw down a portal of green Hellfire beneath the redhead’s feet, and she let out a gasp of shock as gravity pulled her downward. I reopened the emerald portal just above my body, extended my hands, and caught the angel in my hands like a new bride.

Not a split-second later, Pazuzu’s blur of a body slammed into the sand and cut down into the ground with a spray of grit and dirt. He disappeared from view, but we could all still hear the massive whirring of his body as he tunneled beneath us.

He was headed right for my army of Shades.

“Guys!” I called out to my soldiers as I sat Ariel upright. “Get the fuck outta there before--”

It was too late.

The demonic buzzsaw shot up right in the middle of the group as blood sprayed into the air, and I heard several of my Shades let out wails of pain.

Thankfully, they were all already dead, so what they were experiencing right now was little more than a flesh wound. A massive, gaping flesh wound.

Even so, I didn’t want my soldiers getting hurt.

“Open fire!” Cupiditas shouted as she unleashed a blast of blue Hellfire at the spinning target.

Her spell struck the glowing ectoplasm around Pazuzu and dissipated instantly, though.

Fuck. Even with all of our new Demon Lord upgrades, it looked like Hellfire was still cancelled out by ectoplasmic magic. I guessed some natural rules just couldn’t be broken.

Arrows, crossbow bolts, and even a few slingshotted rocks rained upward at Pazuzu, but they were all tossed away harmlessly by the momentum of the demon’s spin.

Pazuzu made another pass downward, and the Shades scattered as he burrowed back into the ground.

“We have to figure out a way to take out his wings,” I explained to Ariel and Todd, who was now rejoining our group.

“That’s going to be kinda hard to do,” Ariel sighed, “especially when his magic will just absorb all or our attacks like that.”

“Is there really no sort of magic that can break through ectoplasm?” I questioned as I looked around frantically and tried to figure out where Pazuzu would pop up next.

“I’ve got an idea, Jakey,” Todd announced proudly. “Let me take a shot at Panzerotti here, and I’ll banish him back to the fucking Shadow Realm.”

I wasn’t sure Todd knew what he was talking about, but at this point, anything would be worth a shot.

The ground beneath us began to rumble intensely, and I quickly teleported the three of us out of the way as Pazuzu erupted from just beneath our feet. We landed a few feet away, and Todd was already on the move.

“Yo, asshole!” Todd yelled as he dashed forward. “I got somethin’ for ya!”

As he ran, the imp’s body began to bubble and transform. His hair turned white atop his tiny red noggin, and he was wearing a full-length black robe with purple fabric draped around the shoulders.

“Oh no,” I facepalmed as I realized what he was doing.

He was the fucking priest from The Exorcist.

“The power of Christ compels you, bro!” he screamed as he made holy hand motions at the demon in the air. “There can be only one!”

“He’s even quoting the wrong movie now,” I sighed and held my sword at the ready. “Let’s get in there and make sure he doesn’t get turned into fucking mincemeat.”

Much to my surprise, Pazuzu halted his momentum and returned to his normal, floating form. He stared down at the charging imp curiously for a second before he slowly lowered himself down to the ground.

My heart sank as I watched the Todd-priest dash toward the assassin with the intensity and gait of a Naruto character, with the good book extended out in front of him like a shield.

“Be gone, great spawn of Satan!” he growled once more.

Pazuzu shook his head and clicked his canine tongue with amusement. As Todd got right up on him, the assassin suddenly began to make over exaggerated gasps and fake screams of horror. Then, once the imp was right upon him, Pazuzu snatched him up by the throat.

“Todd!” I screamed and hurled a fireball at the fucker, but he dispelled it with a flash of ectoplasm.

“You know,” Pazuzu chuckled as he squeezed tighter on the imp’s throat, “I have a love-hate relationship with that movie. It’s made me a household name, but it also makes people think I’m some sort of easily-defeated, soft-hearted patsy. I am not.”

“No,” Todd choked out, “but you’re gullible as fuuuucck. Cock kick!”

The imp’s leg bubbled and contorted into a full-sized human leg, and he slammed it right into Pazuzu’s crotch. The demon let out a hiss of pain as he released Todd from his grasp and doubled over in pain.

At the same time, Todd landed on his tiny leg, spun around, and brought the human-sized foot into Pazuzu’s face.

“Superkick, bitch!” Todd cackled as the demon stumbled backward, completely disoriented.

Then the imp raised his glowing red hand up to attack Pazuzu, but the demon was too quick.

Our opponent quickly grabbed Todd by the arm, spun around in a flash, and tossed him violently across the landscape. The imp’s momentum was wonky as it alternated between his human-sized leg and his imp-sized one, but he eventually skidded to a stop in the dirt.

Thankfully, Todd’s plan had worked. Ariel and I were now only a few feet away from the fucker, and he didn’t know any better.

I jumped up into the air, raised my sword, and brought it down on Pazuzu.

He sidestepped the attack, but not nearly fast enough. The flaming blade of the Unhallowed Sword stabbed into Pazuzu’s shoulder, and he let out a wail of agony.

At the same time, Ariel drove her dual claws right into the bastard’s gut.

Blackish-red blood spilled from his stomach as she removed the blades, but he was already countering. He lashed out at Ariel with one of his eagle-like talons, but the redhead was able to quickly twirl out of the way.

That’s when I felt it. A sharp, piercing pain in my knee, just where the joint in my armor was located. I glanced down and let out a groan of surprise.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” I growled.

His fucking snake-penis bit me.

I yanked the sword out of Pazuzu’s shoulder, twirled it around, and then lopped off the head of the snake with one fell swoop.

Pazuzu screamed as blood erupted from his manhood, and then he hopped backward and took to the sky once more. He turned himself into a buzzsaw again and shot straight toward me as he spurted blood across the sand.

I went to jump out of the way, but nothing happened. My brain was ordering my legs to move, but they weren’t responding. My head began to spin, and my stomach lurched as I realized what was going on.

I’d been poisoned.

I summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, formed a large barrier behind my body, and then forced it to lurch forward violently. It struck me directly in the back and then tossed my rigid body forward into the dirt, just in time to avoid getting sliced in half by the demon buzzsaw.

Pazuzu disappeared into the ground, and I forced myself onto my back.

The world was beginning to spin. The normally blue sky of the Fourth Circle was now a swirling mixture of purple and green, and there were spots all over my vision.

“Oh, fuck,” Todd gasped as he and Ariel appeared above my head. “Jakey’s been literally cockslapped!”

“Sia’s too far away to heal him in time,” Ariel explained, “one of us is going to have to suck out the poison, or Jacob’s a goner.”

“Uh, look,” Todd argued, “Jakey’s my bestie, but I dunno if I wanna suck--”

Before he could finish the sentence, Pazuzu shot back out of the ground, and Ariel had to combat roll forward to avoid the attack.

“The army is almost on us,” she called out. “I’ll lead him away from you guys, but you’ve got to suck out the poison!”

Todd raised his finger to protest, but the angel was airborne before he could utter a word. The imp sighed, undid the armor on my leg, and inspected the wound. He shuddered at the sight of the purple, inflamed skin, and then he shook his head.

“I dunno if I can do this, Jakey,” he admitted. “Sucking another guy, that is--”

“Thhodd!” I growled through my now-swollen tongue. “Do it righth now!”

“Fine!” the imp sighed. “No homo.”

Todd took a deep breath and then slammed his lips against the wound on my leg.

My vision was beginning to darken around the edges, and I could barely breathe past my swollen tongue.

“H-huree upth, Thodd!” I gasped.

The imp spit out a mouthful of venom onto the ground and heaved through the taste.

“I’m goin’ as fast as I can, Jakey!” he retorted. “It’s not like I have a lot of practice with this.”

The imp slammed his lips back down against the wound, inhaled deeply, and pulled away with his entire mouth full of venom. He twisted his head to the side, spat out what looked like a gallon of purple goo onto the sand, and then vomited intensely.

At the same time, I felt my heart rate begin to decrease, and my tongue began to return to its normal size. My vision became clearer, and the feeling began to come back into my fingers. Finally, I was able to sit upright.

I was safe.

“Holy fuck!” I gasped as I picked up Todd in a bear hug. “You saved me, bro!”

“Easy there, Jakey,” Todd gagged, “there’s still a lot of stomach stew that can see the light of day. Having a mouthful of gooey, foul-tasting shit is nasty. I totally got some apologies to make to my ex-girlfriends who were spitters, bro.”

Todd was fine.

More importantly, so was I.

So, I stood up from my position on the ground and turned back to see the all-out assault going on across the battlefield.

Pazuzu was flittering above the army of Shades and tossing down tarry balls of ectoplasm into the crowd. Blood was dripping down his body, and I was kinda shocked to see that he was still going.

Meanwhile, Daniel was on the ground, and he was commanding the Shades to attack in waves. Cupi and Ariel were both in the air as they took shots at Pazuzu in turns.

It only took me a second or two to recognize the battle pattern. It was one we had practiced time after time. The Shades would shoot up arrows, force the target to dodge, and then the heavy hitters would go in for the kill.

Unfortunately, even in his weakened state, Pazuzu was too agile. He would flit past the hailstorm of arrows, dispel Ariel’s claws with a swipe of his talons, and then duck under Cupi’s polearm as if it were being swung at him in slow motion.

“Alright, bro,” I turned to Todd and nodded, “you wanna help me exorcise a demon?”

“As long as I can keep my lunch down, bro,” he responded as he patted his belly.

The imp and I took off toward the rest of our allies as I tried to formulate a plan. Our Hellfire magic was useless against this bastard, and he was way too quick to hit with traditional hand-to-hand weapons.

Unless …

“Todd,” I panted as we approached the army of Shades, “I’m about to give you a case of deja vu.”

“I thought Clockblocker was still back at the castle?” Todd questioned.

“Not Deja the succubus,” I explained, “I’m about to do something that looks reallly familiar to you. Now, when I give you the signal, I want you to hit this thing with the biggest fireball you can muster.”

“What thing, bro?” Todd asked curiously. “Uhhhh, is there still some poison in there, scramblin’ up your marbles?”

I didn’t reply. Instead, I summoned green Hellfire into one hand and bronze Hellfire into the other. Then I reached out to the ring behind us, surrounded it in an emerald glow, and then pulled it into the sky. I tossed my hand forward and launched the entire fucking thing at Pazuzu. At the same time, I hit the ring with a blast of bronze Hellfire and made it vibrate wildly at a subatomic level.

“Now!” I ordered.

Todd flew up into the sky, summoned red Hellfire into his hands, and then spun his body forward with the intensity of a spinning top. After a few rotations, a fireball the size of his entire body sprang forth and hurled directly at the airborne ring.

The second it struck, the entire thing shattered into a million flaming pieces.

I tossed up a massive wall of purple Hellfire over my army as well as Cupi and Ariel, and then I watched as Pazuzu was assaulted by the tiny bits of enchanted debris. They didn’t seem to do much damage to his body.

His wings, however, were another story.

The demon gasped as the debris tore holes through his razor-thin wings. He tried to return to his buzzsaw form, but the air now rushing through his swiss-cheese wings made his trajectory completely unpredictable.

Now, he was a fucking razor-sharp pinball.

Thankfully, Pazuzu didn’t go far. He tried to launch an assault on the Shades down below, but he simply crashed into the sandy ground far off to the side.

I sheathed the Unhallowed Sword, summoned silver Hellfire into my hands, and then transformed the metal ball at my side into my two-handed warhammer.

Pazuzu might still be immune to Hellfire magic, but now he was grounded. And if he was grounded, he could be pummeled just like any other sorry demon bastard.

“Charge!” I roared to my army as I ran toward the fallen demon.

Instantly, all of the Shades moved toward Pazuzu. I got there first, though, so I delivered the first strike.

The fucker tried to raise his talon to block my blow, but all that did was stop the inevitable. There was a loud crack as all of the bones in his leg were shattered, and he went down on one knee.

I followed up with a quick slug from the hilt of the weapon, and Pazuzu spat a mouthful of blood into the air and onto my armor.

Then the Shades were upon him.

I stepped back and watched my soldiers do their magic. Instantly, a swarm of the soldiers surrounded the demon and blocked him from my view. All I could hear was Pazuzu’s screams of agony as he was punched, stabbed, and beaten by dozens of Shades at the same time.

Finally, I held up my warhammer and let out a whistle.

The Shades heard my non-verbal order, halted their assault, and then stepped aside.

There, at the center of the group, sat a beaten and bloodied Pazuzu. His eyes were nearly swollen shut, and he was bleeding so profusely he looked like he had been dipped in a vat of red paint. The demon coughed up a mouthful of blood with a gurgle, and then his head slouched down on his shoulders.

I stepped forward with my warhammer at the ready, just in case he tried to pull any sort of trick.

“Still think you’re the strongest assassin in the universe?” I mocked as I approached the battered demon.

“I still am,” he retorted weakly. “A-Aruna was right about you, mortal … none who face you come away unscathed.”

“Damn straight.” I nodded. “Did she also let you know that I kicked her ass once before, too? None of you assassins have been able to get me, and you never will. I don’t get why you keep trying.”

“Money, Jacob Ralston,” Pazuzu spat. “You might be the most powerful man in the universe, but you’re also the most wanted man, with the biggest price on your head. It was at least worth a shot.”

I glanced down at Pazuzu’s abdomen and saw he was bleeding out profusely. Even if I wanted to let the poor bastard go, he’d be dead within the hour if he didn’t get to a healer. Besides, I knew these assassins inside and out. They always followed their strict code, and they wouldn’t rest until either their target was dead or they were.

And I sure as fuck wasn’t intending on dying anytime soon.

“You did good,” I reassured the demonic assassin as I raised the warhammer over my head. “Except for your penis biting me in the leg. That was an asshole move.”

“Yeah,” he coughed. “Sorry about that.”

“I’ll be sure to let all the others know you died valiantly and that you were one of the few to actually land a blow on the ‘great’ King Ralston,” I told him.

“Thank you, Jacob,” Pazuzu sighed and bowed his head. “Now, please … ”

The assassin trailed off, and we both knew what needed to be done.

So, I brought down the warhammer right on the back of the demon’s neck, and there was a loud, wet crack as his vertebrae were crushed and his spinal cord was severed.

Then Pazuzu fell to the ground, dead.

“Will you be alright, Jacob?” Ariel asked, and she was on the verge of tears as she ran over to me. “Did Todd get all the poison out?”

“I’m standing, aren’t I?” I chuckled as I turned my warhammer back into a metal ball and positioned it around my waist. “The Toddster saved my life, but there’s probably a little bit still floating around in there somewhere. Nothing that Superbia can’t fix.”

“We need to get Sister Superbia out here ASAP,” Cupiditas observed. “Though Pazuzu didn’t kill any of your Shades, several of them are still in dire need of medical assistance.”

“I’m just getting really fucking tired of these paranormal assassins showing up and trying to kill us,” I sighed. “I’d like to think I was fucking safe in my own domain.”

“Unfortunately, they’ll keep coming,” Cupi admitted, “as long as they adhere strictly to their code, and they are getting paid by our enemies, they’re going to keep showing up. The only way to end it all would be to kill every single one of them, or to kill all of our enemies.”

“But what if there was another way?” I pondered aloud. “What if we went and talked to one of their own? One of their own who has a soft spot for me and has a lot of influence over the other assassins?”

“That might work in theory,” Ariel admitted, “but the chances that you’ll get them to break their code is slim to none.”

“Nonsense, Little Mermaid,” Todd scoffed, “all Jakey’s gotta do is show up, whip out his hog, and show ‘em the power of the penis. It’s worked wonders for us so far.”

“What about all the men?” Ariel shot back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Ninety percent of the paranormal assassins in the universe are male.”

“That sounds like gender discrimination,” Todd hissed. “We should petition for a safe and equal workplace. Babes should be able to work it just as much as the men. Who do we sue?”

“That’s not how this works, Todd,” Ariel sighed.

“That’s where his amazing charisma comes in,” the imp suggested. “I think Jakey had some really fucking good stat rolls at the beginning of this campaign, because he can get just about anyone to do whatever the fuck he wants.”

“We’ll deal with that when we get there, Todd,” I promised the imp, “but for now, we need to get this mess cleaned up, get everyone good and healed, and then we need to go talk to our point person.”

I turned away from the carnage of the coliseum and began to limp back toward the exit.

We needed to make a little trip back to Earth Realm.

We needed to talk to Aruna.

Chapter 6

“I can’t believe we’re meeting Tigra in a place this fucking boring, bro,” Todd, now in his human form, sighed as we approached the entrance of Molly’s Coffee Shop. “I figured we’d be like, meeting this master assassin in some huge fucking hidden fortress off in the mountains or some shit like that. Not a little coffee shop in the middle of Phoenix.”

“It was closer to our house.” I shrugged. “Plus, Aruna made it very clear that outsiders weren’t allowed to know the location of the Assassin Society’s Sanctorum.”

“The ASS, if you will,” Todd snickered and then opened the door. “Seriously, does the entire paranormal world just not give a fuck about acronyms?”

“The concept of an ‘acronym’ didn’t exist when it was formed,” Mirage admitted. “You must realize most of these ancient societies and fraternities were created back before human language had been conceived.”

“Either way,” Superbia spoke up, “Aruna was not going to let us come to her dwelling, and we were not going to willingly let her into ours after all the assassin problems we’ve had over the last few months. This was a happy medium.”

“I dunno if ‘happy’ is the right word,” Todd shuddered as he opened up the door and motioned for us to go inside. “This place looks like a hipster’s wet dream, complete with the fresh oak, locally-sourced milk, and everything. If they tell me their profits go to some local niche charity, I’m totally gonna scream, bro.”

“I don’t understand your detestment of these ‘hipsters,’ Todd,” Mirage pondered. “Aren’t you one of their kind?”

Todd’s crazy blue eyes bulged out of his head as his brow furrowed and his mouth pursed. He reached out, placed one hand on Mirage’s shoulder calmly, and then stared her deep in the eyes.

“Listen, Chris Angel,” the imp said in as restrained of a voice as he could, “I’m a stoner. Not a hipster. Please don’t ever, eeeevvvver lump me together with these Iron and Wine listening, craft beer drinking, plaid wearing, beard weaving tools. Kapeesh?”

Mirage looked somewhat shaken by Todd’s sudden seriousness, but she nodded in agreement.

“I-I’m sorry,” she noted, “it won’t happen again.”

Then the short-haired brunette scuttled through the door and out of sight, out of one awkward situation and directly into another.

Sia and I passed through just after her, and then I heard the door slam shut as Todd entered.

The floors, tabletops, and counters of the place were all made up of the same dark wood, and there were handwritten chalkboard signs all over the establishment. The tables and chairs themselves were made up of old, rustic-style metal that had been painted white and then weathered to make them look like they were “vintage.” There were bags of “coffee beans” in burlap sacks placed in various places around the establishment, and the walls were made out of crumbling red brick. Meanwhile, the entire interior of the coffee shop was lit only by free-hanging Edison bulbs.

Todd was right. This was definitely a “hipster place.”

But what better place to have a secret meeting with one of the universe’s most deadly paranormal assassins? Absolutely nobody would expect it to take place here.

I scanned the coffee shop for a second, until my eyes fell on a familiar face. There, all the way at the table in the back of the room, sat the slender, athletic woman with dark hair and cat-like features.

Or, at least, that was the look she had chosen today. The Rakshasi were shapeshifters, and Aruna could be whatever the fuck she wanted to be.

And whatever face she chose, it was just as beautiful as the last.

I gave the Rakshasi an acknowledging wave, and then I began to head toward her table.

“Remember why we’re here, guys,” I reminded my friends. “We want to see if she can do anything about the increasing invasions of her assassin buddies. That’s why I brought you all along. You two Madames are excellent at making deals, and Todd? Well, if all else fails, you can work your magic and annoy her into submission.”

“And if that fails?” Sia whispered as we approached.

“The power of the penis,” Todd noted.

“The power of the penis,” I agreed with a sigh, “but that’s our last resort.”

Aruna stood up from her seat to greet us, and she instantly wrapped her arms around my neck. Her perky breasts pressed up against my chest as I felt the warmth of her body radiating onto mine.

My dick began to throb with anticipation, but I couldn’t let that get the best of me.

Negotiate now, fuck later.

“It’s so good to see you, Aruna,” I admitted to the Rakshasi. “It’s been way too long.”

“It really has been,” Aruna purred as she batted her dark eyelashes at me. “I’ve missed you, Jacob Ralston. Luckily, I’ve had quite a few missions to keep my mind preoccupied. Have you ever been to Papua New Guinea? One of my wealthier targets thought they could get off the grid by hiding out there, but, as you will remember, nobody goes ‘off the grid’ for me. I found him in some beach house, decapitated him with a swipe of my Chakram, and then I spent the next few weeks hanging out on the beach while I awaited my client’s payment.”

“Sounds like a blast,” I said with a grin.

“I’ve been there once,” Mirage spoke up, “I believe it was an accident, though. The people who summoned one of my succubi seemed very confused, and they didn’t even speak any of the common tongues.”

“Indeed,” Aruna said as the smile disappeared from her face, “and you are … ?”

“Oh!” I interjected as I tried to break the awkward tension. “Aruna, this is Mirage. She’s one of my new Demon Lords.”

The Rakshasi’s eyes widened with surprise, and she physically recoiled in shock.

“Demon Lord?” she asked in awe.

“That’s right,” I reiterated, “Mirage here is a Demon Lord. So is Sia. And Todd. And all of the other succubi who are under my command.”

“How is that possible?” Aruna gasped. “I thought succubi and imps were forbidden from becoming Demon Lords?”

“There are a lot of things forbidden by Hell,” I chuckled, “but that’s never stopped me before. Besides, it kinda helps when your father is the Prince of Darkness himself.”

“Wait … ” The Rakshasi’s face now contorted into a look of confusion. “Your father … is Lucifer?”

“Like you said,” I noted, “it’s been a while. Let’s sit down and catch up for a bit.”

All five of us sat down, ordered our coffees, and began to explain the last few months to each other.

I told Aruna all about the loophole I found in the Demon Lord creation process. I told her about how my parents had fucked around with the demon-summoning ceremony when they were younger and accidentally summoned Lucifer to impregnate my mom. I explained how we had marched into the Fifth Circle, killed Baphomet, and installed Mephisto as the new Demon King.

“But none of that is even the craziest part … ” I admitted. “My forces now have Lilith, the Demon Queen, on our side.”

“Wow,” Aruna whistled as she leaned back in her chair. “That’s big. That is very, very big.”

“Uhhhh,” Todd interjected with a raised finger, “we’re still talking about the geopolitical situation at hand, right? Not Jakey’s slobglobber?”

“We can change course and talk about that if you’d like, Todd,” Aruna joked, “I’m sure both of these women here know that organ like the back of their delicate little hands.”

“I’m good, Snagglepuss,” Todd shuddered. “I’d really prefer to keep my coffee in my stomach, thank you very much.”

As if right on cue, the waiter arrived with our coffees and a few pastries we’d ordered from the bakery section of the shop.

My mouth watered the instant I saw the large, puffy tops of the muffins and the perfectly-toasted edges of the danishes. Meanwhile, the scent of slow-roasted dark coffee beans hit my nose, and I savored it with a hearty sniff.

“Not to deter the conversation, but holy fuck,” Todd drooled as he stared at the pastries in front of us. “Bro, can we get like, ten more of these things? They are not long for this world.”

“Sure thing,” I agreed and turned to the waiter. “Can we get a bunch more pastries? Just surprise us, and we’ll pay for whatever you bring out.”

“Will do, sir.” The waiter nodded, and then he shuffled off toward the bakery.

“What are you doing, my King?” Mirage whispered. “Why are we focusing on food right now? Shouldn’t we be negotiating?”

“And that’s what reminds me you’re new at all this,” Todd giggled. “An adventure with Jakey is not an adventure with Jakey until we’ve gorged ourselves full of goodies that’d make Little Mermaid’s healthy mind blow a gasket.”

“We’ve gotten away from it since we’ve been in Hell,” Superbia admitted, “since the food options are not quite as good down there as they are here on Earth. Aside from what Gula makes, of course.”

“Shit,” Todd admitted, “You know that old saying, ‘you can polish a turd all you want, but it’s still a turd?’ Well, I think Firecracker could legitimately polish the turd if she had an hour in the kitchen with it.”

I glanced down at my dark brown coffee as Todd’s words sunk in, and I suddenly wasn’t feeling the murky liquid. I guess I’d start with the pastries.

So, I reached out and picked up the closest item on the plate, a danish arranged to look like a pinwheel, with its bright red filling at the center.

The thing was smothered with creamy white icing, and its dough was baked to a golden-brown crisp. Flakes of the pastry fell off when I picked it up, and that alone told me I was in for a treat.

As I bit into the danish, my mouth was filled with a mixture of buttery, flaky dough, tart raspberry, and the intense sweetness of the icing. I rolled the delicious morsel around in my mouth for a few seconds, swallowed, and took another bite. Then I scarfed the entire thing in seconds before I reached out for my coffee.

Meanwhile, Todd, Superbia, and Aruna dug in.

Todd’s entire black shirt was covered with crumbs, so much so that it was now difficult to read the “Higher Brand of Life” text slapped onto the front. The blond imp’s eyes rolled back in his head as he bit into a large, chocolate-covered donut, and small flecks of the cream cheese filling squeezed out the back. He quickly swiped it up with his index finger, plopped it into his mouth, and ingested the delicious filling.

Superbia and Aruna were both going to town on the muffins. Aruna had one in her hand covered in blueberries so vibrant, they looked like they had been made in photoshop. Sia, on the other hand, was biting into a bright yellow muffin full of walnuts.

“Is this … banana?” the redheaded madame questioned as her eyes rolled back. “I never would have guessed you could put such a large fruit into a pastry like that!”

“See?” I joked. “These meals we share together are totally learning experiences.”

“Oh, I’m learning a lot,” Todd snickered. “Especially math. Like, what’s the maximum number of hot dogs the Toddster can shove down his gullet before they literally pile up and trigger his gag reflex? The answer might surprise you, bro.”

“I don’t know if that’s the appropriate--”

“It’s fifty-three, bro,” Todd interrupted. “Once you hit fifty-four, boom. It’s like a sorority sister’s twenty-first all up in here.”

“Welp,” Aruna chuckled, “I’ll put this on the list of ‘things I didn’t really need to know.’”

Just then, the waiter returned with another platter full of assorted baked goods, from donuts that still glistened from the fryer oil to tiny cupcakes made out of oatmeal.

I thanked the man, pulled out two hundreds from my pocket, and handed them to him with a large smile.

“Keep the change, my man,” I told him.

The waiter looked at me in shock.

“Are--are you sure?” he gasped. “That’s like, a tip of—”

I nodded to reassure the man, and his entire face lit up with excitement.

The waiter was all smiles as he dashed off to the kitchen with his one-hundred percent tip still in hand.

Unfortunately, Mirage didn’t seem to match this guy’s enthusiasm.

I glanced over at the succubus and noticed she was just kind of sitting there and staring off into space as the rest of us enjoyed our breakfast. I reached over and placed my hand tenderly on the brunette’s leg.

“You alright?” I asked somberly and tried to look her in the eyes.

“I’m fine,” she admitted. “It’s just … I’ve never eaten human food before. In all of my millennia of serving Asmodeus, all I’ve ever gotten to eat is Vargrat meat and stale bread, with the occasional sip of wine or beer if he was feeling generous. I don’t even know where to start.”

“It’s easy!” I promised the succubus. “Just pick it up, shove it in your mouth, and then chew and swallow. Here, try this one.”

I picked up a slice of zucchini bread from the platter, quickly slathered a dollop of butter onto it, and held it out for Mirage to take.

The bread must have been fresh out of the oven, because the creamy butter melted instantly and glistened atop the slice’s surface texture.

Mirage’s eyes shone with anticipation as she reached out and took the bread from my hand.

“This is zucchini bread,” I explained to the madame, “it’s more on the bland side, but that makes it a great gateway breakfast.”

“Oh no, Jakey!” Todd gasped through a mouthful of muffin. “That’s just the D.A.R.E. program’s propaganda talking, bro. There is no such thing as ‘gateway drugs,’ and we all know it!”

“Rigggghhht.” I shook my head and then watched as Mirage bit into her slice of bread.

The madame chewed the food curiously for a moment as her neglected taste buds tried to register what the fuck she was experiencing. Then her entire face lit up, and she swallowed the bite of bread down with a large gulp.

“This--This is incredible!” Mirage admitted with wide eyes. “And you said this isn’t even the best one?”

“Not even close,” I chuckled.

I picked up my fork, snatched up a large cinnamon roll from the platter, and plopped it down in front of Mirage. Then I motioned for her to pick up her knife and fork and cut into it.

Unfortunately, I didn’t think she understood my message.

Mirage picked up the sticky bun, lifted it to her mouth, and shoved the entire thing in. She seemed to struggle to get it chewed down into manageable pieces, but she eventually had the whole thing devoured.

“Jacob … ” she grinned, “I think I like Earth Realm food. Is there any way to have it brought down to the Fourth Circle?”

“Brrroooooo,” Todd clapped his hands together as the lightbulb came on. “We need to create a fucking Uber Eats for Hell! We could call it ‘The Divine Delivery’ and could totally send succubi or other imps or Tartaruchi or whatever up to Earth to buy the grub and bring it back down for the different demons’ enjoyment. We could be millionaires, bro!”

“I dunno if there’s really a market for that,” I admitted, “but I’m willing to try anything.”

The five of us continued devouring the delicious food until there was nothing left but a silver platter with a literal mountain of crumbs. Then we gulped down our gourmet coffees, sat back in our chairs, and tried to breathe through the bloat.

“I hope we don’t get attacked right now, bro,” Todd groaned and patted his potbelly. “Because if we do, you’re totally gonna have to roll me outta here.”

“I don’t know if I’d be much better,” I admitted to the imp. “I think we’re all going to be waddling out of here.”

“Not without a deal, we won’t be,” Sia spoke up.

“A deal?” Aruna questioned with a cocked eyebrow. “What sort of deal are you looking for?”

“Unfortunately, we didn’t arrange this meeting just to catch up and hang out,” I explained as I leaned forward and rested my arms on the table. “We currently have an assassin problem, Aruna, and we were hoping you could help us figure it out.”

“Figure it out?” the Rakshasi asked, somewhat offended. “What is there to ‘figure out?’ If one of your enemies hired one of my associates to go down into the Fourth Circle and kill you, there is not much I can do about that. You seem to be standing here, alive and well, so it’s not like you haven’t been able to handle yourself.”

“Oh, we’re more than capable of handling ourselves,” I shot back. “We’ll always be able to kill off whatever assailant comes our way.”

“Then why is it an issue?” Aruna asked once more, this time with a much more annoyed tone. “Can’t you just keep killing them as they show up?”

“But that’s the thing, Aruna,” Sia spoke up, “they’ve gotten worse in the last few months and, though we can take them easily, they’re becoming a major annoyance.”

“Seriously,” Todd added, “every time we get a wing of the castle rebuilt or the coliseum fixed, some asshole assassin comes in and destroys it again. It’s getting reeeaalllly old.”

“You need to understand,” Aruna sighed, “this is not a matter of whether or not I like you or wish you to succeed. You already know the answer to both of those questions. But my hands are tied. The Assassin’s Society follows a strict code, and breaking that code is punishable by death. If you’ve come to me looking for a truce, it’s not something that is even on the table.”

“There’s nothing you can do?” Mirage questioned. “You couldn’t band together with your brethren and blacklist certain clients? Perhaps some of our enemies … ”

“Of course not!” Aruna growled. “Blacklisting a client goes against the spirit of the entire Assassin's Society! If someone has the money for the job, it is our sacred duty to get it done.”

“So, basically Khajit has wares if you have coin?” Todd giggled.

“Essentially,” the Rakshasi sighed. “I’d love to say I can help you, Jacob, but I don’t think I can. Unless you wanted to pay off every single assassin in the Assassin’s Society, or at least the Council of Death, there’s not much I can help you with.”

Aruna’s words hit me like a freight train, and the lightbulb sprang on in my head. That was it. If we couldn’t cut a deal with these guys, maybe they’d listen to the power of the purse.

“The Council of Death?” I prompted. “Sounds interesting. Tell me more.”

“Brooooo,” Todd facepalmed, “the Council of Death is the super-badass group made up of the best assassins in the universe, who rule over the entire Society. You really need to catch up on your paranormal lore, Jakey.”

“That is correct,” Aruna nodded, “there are ten members on the Council of Death, myself included. We are the ones who assign contracts to our … lesser peers.”

“But you’re available for hire too, right?” I questioned coyly.

Aruna’s eyes glimmered as she stared me down and smiled.

“For a price,” she cooed. “A price that not many can afford.”

“Sia?” I turned to the redheaded madame. “How much money do we have from all of our business endeavors?”

“Let me crunch the numbers … ” Sia nodded, and then she began to mentally count our assets in her head.

“You can’t possibly be thinking what I think you are,” Aruna mused. “If you wanted to pay off me and all of my brethren, you would need an astronomical amount of money. The Council of Death only accepts top dollar for their services, and even more if you want to put yourself on a ‘no hit’ list. Ten million might do the trick.”

My mouth fell agape in shock, and I struggled to even process the concept.

“Do … Do we even have that much?” I questioned Sia.

Superbia furrowed her brow as she did some mental calculations, but then she just shook her head.

“We have fifteen million,” Superbia whispered to me sadly. “Our overall assets, including the Velvet Lips and all of Quinn’s leftover money and our mansion, only come out to about fifteen million.”

“That’s two-thirds of our money,” I whistled at the thought, “I dunno if it’d be worth it. Although, I don’t spend a lot of time on Earth Realm any more, and I’m sure Raphael could rake in the dough at the Velvet Lips … ”

This was a tough situation. On one hand, I wanted these assassins to stop coming after us. But ten million dollars? That was a lot of money. A lot of my hard-earned money.

“If it helps, I could throw in some of my extra income,” Todd offered.

“I’m not sure Tuesdays with the Toddster makes enough to cover that spread,” I sighed.

“I’m not talkin’ about my epic podcast, bro,” the imp corrected, “I’m talking about my side hustle. Todd’s Treasures.”

“Todd’s Treasures?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s right, Jakey,” Todd confirmed with a solemn nod. “Since we’ve been down in Hell, I’ve been sneaking awesome occult artifacts back to Earth Realm and then having members of your cult sell them to the highest bidder. After paying moi a small fee, of course.”

“You’ve been selling demonic artifacts?” Sia gasped. “That’s breaking all sorts of interdimensional laws.”

Todd snickered at the prospect. “And who’s gonna stop me? I’ve got the King of the Fourth Circle on my side! Business has been booming, Strawberry Shortcake. We’ve sold a couple of Vargrat skulls, the tooth of a Daeva, and even Azazel’s pinky bone, just to name a few things.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“You sold Azazel’s pinky bone?” I mused. “Bro, isn’t it kinda fucked up to be selling parts of a dead body?”

“That’s not my place to judge,” the imp crossed his arms proudly, “all I know is there’s a market for it, and the Toddster is an imp of opportunity. You can get in on the action too, guys. All I’ll need is a small fee of one-hundred dollars so I can count you down as investors. Unless you want to be in the ‘Gold Star’ level of investors. That’ll set you back a cold thousand, but you’ll join the elite ranks of Raphey and Ollie as the only people in Todd’s Treasures to make it there!”

“I’m pretty sure you’re running a pyramid scheme, bro,” I shot back.

“I am not!” Todd gasped with a look of offense. “It’s called a ‘multi-level marketing company,’ and it’s a totally legit business. Unless Cutco is a pyramid scheme, too.”

Sia and Aruna both raised their hands to say something, but I gently pushed them back down.

“Fine, fine,” I conceded, “but how much did you make from it?”

“Not a lot,” Todd admitted, “last time I checked it was only like, five-thousand dollars, but it totally could have gone up since. Let me see your phone, bro.”

Against my better judgement, I pulled out my phone, handed it to the imp, and then watched as his fingers tapped against the screen. Then there was a short “ding,” and he flipped it around to show me his bank account.

My jaw hit the floor when I saw what was in his checking account.

“Uh, T-Todd?” I stuttered in disbelief. “I think you missed a few zeroes in there.”

The number read five million.

Todd flipped the phone back around, squinted at the screen, and then scoffed.

“Huh,” he chuckled, “I guess I did. But fifty-thousand still isn’t gonna solve our--”

“It says five million, bro,” I laughed with glee. “You crazy son of a bitch, you’ve just made us five million dollars richer!”

A grin spread up Todd’s face as he realized his contribution, and then he proudly thumped on his chest and let out a small “harooo.”

“I’d like to see Cutco pull that one off, bro,” he snickered and gave me a high five.

Once our miniature celebration was done, I turned back to the rest of the group.

“I think we can do ten million,” I stated matter-of-factly. “It might be half of our capital, but at least we won’t have to worry about those assassin fucks anymore. Besides, what am I gonna do with all that money, anyway? I’m the King of the Fourth Circle. I can just have my Shades make me anything I could need. Plus, with the way the Velvet Lips is going, and Todd’s Treasures, and Gula’s royalties, we’ll make back that ten million easy. ”

The whole table sat there in stunned silence, but nobody was quite as shocked as Aruna.

“Are you sure?” the assassin questioned.

“That’s an awful lot of green, Jakey,” Todd added. “That could buy us, like, thirty boats. Or fuck, even ten million hot dogs, for that matter.”

“Sia,” I said calmly, “grab my checkbook.”

The Sister of Pride reached into her handbag, fumbled around for a few moments, and then produced a small rectangular notepad and a pen. She handed it over to me, and I wasted no time in getting to work.

I filled out the check for ten million dollars, signed it, ripped it out, and then slapped it down in front of Aruna.

It seemed the Rakshasi couldn’t believe her eyes. Her jaw was currently on the floor, and she kept re-reading the check as if she didn’t believe it was real.

“So?” I questioned. “Is that enough to pay off all of your assassin friends?”

“Y-Yes!” Aruna agreed. “This is more than enough, Jacob. I shall tell them King Ralston is off-limits, as is the Fourth Circle and all of its inhabitants. Anyone who disobeys the proclamation will be punished by a swift and gruesome death.”

“Thank god,” I chuckled, “I was starting to get worried we were going to be locked in conflict with the Assassin’s Society forever. Or at least, until we killed you guys all off.”

“That would never happen,” Aruna retorted playfully. “You may be lucky, Jacob Ralston, but luck never lasts forever. You are making the right call here.”

As I watched the Rakshasi fold up the ten-million-dollar check and put it in her pocket, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made the right decision.

Either way, this would keep the assassins out of our hair for the immediate future. And, with them out of the way, we could start to focus on our real targets.

Beelzebub and Gressil.

Chapter 7

“You have made a good investment,” Aruna purred as she took a final swig of her coffee, let out a satisfied “ahhh,” and then tossed it in the waste bin beside her. “But yes, I’ll deliver this to the rest of the Assassin’s Society, and I can assure you they’ll be beyond thrilled to see your generous contribution to our cause.”

“Now, hold on,” I clicked my tongue at the Rakshasi, “what else do I get out of this? These people are assassins for hire, right? Doesn’t this make them my temporary employees?”

“I wouldn’t push your luck, Jacob,” Aruna warned. “We assassins are very assiduous people. They will surely be grateful for the money, but this is a payoff, not a contract. There’s no way my brethren will be okay with just sitting around and doing nothing until you decide to call them up. This payment will prevent them from taking jobs involving you, your domain, or your friends, but it doesn’t make them your followers.”

“What about you, then?” I asked hopefully. “We’ve worked together quite a lot, and we both know you do really good work. What if I throw in a little bit of extra cash for you, on a monthly basis, and you become my go-to assassin?”

“That sounds an awful lot like employment … ” Aruna mused.

“It sounds a lot like prostitution to me, bro,” Todd interjected. “Paying the chick you’re banging so she’ll stay around? Total pimp move, Jakey. Raphey would be proud.”

“You wouldn’t be an employee,” I argued, “or a prostitute. We can just give you a different title, somebody who’s still a freelancer, but has ties to our kingdom … ”

“Independent contractor,” Sia noted. “Aruna can be our newest independent contractor.”

“I will need to think about it,” Aruna admitted with a shrug. “I’m a popular girl. I dunno if I can tie myself down to one single client for an extended period of time.”

“We haven’t regretted it,” Sia argued as she put her arm around Mirage’s shoulder. “I’ve been ‘tied down’ to Jacob for years now, and Mirage has just taken the plunge.”

“Quite literally,” Todd snickered as he made a circle with one hand, extended his index finger, and then started to make a “plunging” motion.

“It’s only been a few weeks,” Mirage explained, “but I can already say with full confidence it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. And that’s not just the Earth food and amazing sex talking.”

Amazing sex … that’s what was missing from this equation.

Aruna was a feisty, honorable Rakshasi who was always looking for the next adrenaline boost. She wasn’t motivated by money or glory or love or anything like that. Aruna was motivated by whatever got her heart pumping and scratched that indescribable itch she had deep in her subconscious.

And I thought I knew the perfect remedy.

“Tell you what,” I said as innocently as I could, “we’re kind of in a hurry to get back to the Fourth Circle, and I can tell you’ve got a lot to think about. Why don’t you ride with us back to the mansion, and then we can discuss it more on the way there? We can even have the cultists call you an Uber or something when you’re all ready to leave.”

The Rakshasi rubbed her rounded chin as she weighed my proposition. Finally, she let out a small “hmmm” and nodded her head in agreement.

“I suppose that will work,” Aruna admitted, “you do have a lovely home. Especially that pool of yours.”

There it was. Aruna and I had made love in said pool for the first and only time a few months ago, and she obviously was still fawning over it to this day.

Now, I just needed to get her there and try and work my magic.

“Shall we?” I announced as I stood up and smiled to my friends.

“Quickly Jakey, to the batcave!” Todd cackled as he hopped up from his seated position. “The sooner we get outta this hipster hole, the better.”

The entire coffee shop went silent, and all eyes turned angrily on Todd. His mouth twisted into an uncomfortable smile as he let out an awkward laugh and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I, uh, totally mean it in only the best way,” he chuckled, “like ‘oh, this ‘ol hipster hole, where all the cool hipsters come out to hang.’ Totally awesome with its super chic walls and pop-folk music and people wearing beanies in seventy-degree weather and--You know what? I can’t do it. See ya later, hipstercrites! I look forward to seeing every single thing you’ve eaten today on your Instagram!”

The entire restaurant began to murmur and grumble, and Todd hightailed it out of there so fast, I almost thought there was going to be a puff of smoke left in his wake.

The rest of us were right behind the imp, and we followed him out into the parking lot until we came upon Shadow, our trusty twenty-fifteen black Jeep Wrangler.

“Let’s get out of here before we create a hipster rebellion,” I chuckled as I opened up the driver’s side door and slid into the seat.

“That’d be the worst, bro,” Todd giggled as he plopped down in the passenger’s side and began his transformation back into an imp. “You’d never be able to tell if somebody was a member of the rebellion, or just a poor artisan lumberjack or beat-poet farmer caught in the crossfire.”

“I thought that place was quite nice,” Sia noted as she ambled in the middle part of the back seat, and Aruna and Mirage sat around her. “It had a great aesthetic, and the food was delicious. Perhaps I’ll give it a good review on Yelp … ”

“Jesus, Jakey,” Todd gasped and spun around in the leather seat, “it’s spreading! Strawberry Shortcake, if you’re in there, listen to me closely. If you hear The Airborne Toxic Event, do not go toward the music!”

“I’m fine, Todd.” Sia shook her head with amusement. “It was just a nice establishment, that’s all.”

“If you say so … ” Todd said as he made an “I’m watching you” motion with his fingers. “But the second you start using a polaroid camera, I’m bringing out the big guns.”

“See?” Mirage giggled as she looked over at Aruna. “These are the kind of antics you’d be encountering on the daily if you joined our team.”

“I’m quite aware,” the Rakshashi noted. “They are very amusing. In small doses.”

I turned on the vehicle, backed up, and then pulled out onto the highway. It was only a short, twenty-minute drive back to our mansion, and we all jabbered happily as we traveled through the sprawling metropolis of Phoenix and then out into the suburbs. Finally, we pulled into the large, gated driveway the billionaire and demon-in-disguise Robert Quinn had once called his home.

We rolled up to the outside of the garage door, put the vehicle in park, and then exited onto the rocky pavement of the driveway.

“Why didn’t we put the vehicle inside?” Mirage questioned curiously. “Isn’t that the whole point of these sort of buildings?”

“Because we’ve got two cars in there already,” I explained and motioned to the two doors. “Lola and Stella take priority over Shadow.”

“I much prefer Shadow to Lola,” Sia scoffed, “though leaving that hunk of rusted metal outside might just drive our property values down to abysmal levels … ”

“Watch it, Strawberry Shortcake,” Todd warned, “if the cars had a goddess, it’d be Lola. My baby deserves only the best, and that ain’t being left outside in the dry, arid air of this place to get the weather rot.”

“What I don’t get is this,” Aruna pondered aloud, “if you had millions of dollars, why haven’t you just had this ‘Lola’ vehicle redone? Surely it can’t be that expensive.”

Todd’s eyes went wide as he stared at the Rakshasi in disbelief.

“And ruin her character?” the imp retorted with a violent shake of his head. “I’d rather die, Tigra. I’d rather be put into Lola’s rusty, reefer-smelling trunk that doesn’t open half the time and then be driven into the ocean. Lola’s little love marks make her all the more beautiful, my friends.”

“I think I see why he doesn’t have a significant other,” Mirage whispered into my ear, “he’s infatuated with an inanimate object.”

“Sure,” I laughed as I unlocked the door, “I’m sure that’s the only reason.”

We stepped into the main landing of our mansion, and I looked around longingly. Even though we had everything we could possibly need down in the Fourth Circle, with a giant castle and an entire fucking pocket dimension to ourselves, visiting our mansion always made me feel nostalgic. This was the first real place I’d ever owned. It was the place where I made my alliance with Metatron and the place where I’d first made love to so many of my succubi.

It might not be a castle in the middle of a Hellish landscape, but this place was still my home.

“Why’d we come in this way?” Todd questioned as he waddled through the threshold. “Isn’t our portal to Hell out in the garage? You said we were in a hurry, bro.”

Sia and Mirage both shot the imp an angry glance, but he didn’t seem to understand.

“I just got an e-mail from our friends down in the Fourth Circle,” Superbia lied, “we don’t need to get back there as quickly as we had originally thought. It was simply a false alarm.”

“How’d you get an e-mail?” Todd asked as he stroked his tiny goatee. “Phones and internet and all that shit don’t work down in Hell. Unless Comcast finally decided to expand interdimensionally, in which case I need to know ASAP. Tuesdays with the Toddster needs its original viewership numbers back!”

“I, uh, one of the more technological Shades created a set of communicators that can go across the dimensions,” Sia lied once more. “Honestly, it does not matter how it happened. The point is, we can take a breather here before we return to the Fourth Circle. I was actually hoping to show Mirage around, since she’s never been here before.”

“Well, shit,” Todd chuckled, “if we’ve got some time, I may pay a visit to my old room. There’s some stuff in there I haven’t seen in awhile, and my schlong’s been a longin’.”

“Ew,” Superbia grimaced. “I’ll be sure to keep Mirage away from that part of the house until you’re done.”

“Teamwork makes the dream work, Strawberry Shortcake.” Todd winked at the succubus. “The coast should be clear in about, ohhhhhhh, an hour?”

“An hour?” I laughed. “Didn’t you once tell me your nickname with the ladies was ‘Done in Sixty Seconds?’”

“I’m a baaaaad man, Jakey,” Todd retorted in a Nicholas Cage voice. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go beat off to the Declaration of Independence.”

“Jesus.” I facepalmed with embarrassment, but it didn’t seem to deter Todd.

The imp giggled mischievously as he dashed up the marble staircase toward his old bedroom. A door slammed excessively from upstairs, and then I heard a variety of sounds I didn’t even want to identify.

“Perhaps I should get our tour underway?” Sia suggested awkwardly. “Perhaps far, far away from this area.”

“Let’s go,” Mirage agreed quickly. “I want to see the place where so much of the mighty King Ralston’s story took place.”

Sia put her arm around the brunette madame’s shoulder and then led her toward the connected kitchen and living space of the mansion.

“What about us?” Aruna asked curiously. “Should I return to the Assassin’s Society Sanctorum now? It sounds like you have a lot to do.”

I turned to the Rakshasi, placed my wrists on her shoulders delicately, and stared her deep in her beautiful dark irises.

“Why don’t you stick around for a while?” I suggested. “At least come relax for a minute before you head out into another grueling mission. We could go lounge by the pool … ”

“This time of year?” Aruna scoffed. “I know the falls here are not as bad as other places on Earth, but shouldn’t your pool be closed?”

“Not a chance,” I reassured the assassin coyly. “It’s still in the eighties, and I made sure we had a heater installed. I promise the water is nice and warm.”

Aruna’s lips twisted into a sly smile, and her eyes lit up like diamonds.

“The pool does sound nice,” she admitted, “lots of good memories out there, huh?”

I thought back to the image of the beautiful tigress woman bouncing up and down on my cock, and my pants began to tighten.

“We could always make some more … ” I offered with a raised eyebrow.

Aruna now knew what I was trying to do, but she didn’t seem to care. The Rakshasi pulled away from my grip, turned around, and strutted slowly toward the sliding glass door that separated the backyard of the mansion from the inside. She pulled it open, sauntered outside, and then looked over her shoulder seductively.

“Are you coming?” she purred from the backyard. “I’d hate to go ‘relax’ alone.”

Without another word, I dashed through the mansion, out the door, and stopped right beside the Rakshasi. Then I wrapped my arm around hers and led her toward the glistening blue water of the olympic-sized swimming pool.

Even with this large of a backyard, it was ridiculous to have a pool of this size. However, it had served its purpose quite well.

The far end of the pool featured a built-in hot tub and a large artificial waterfall that was still running smoothly all these months later. Just off to the right of the water feature was an area completely secluded from the rest of the world, with several lounge chairs stationed around a circular brick table and a fence two feet taller than the barriers around the rest of the property.

That was where we were going. That was where all the action took place.

The second we were in the lounging area, I whipped off my shirt and tossed it into the chair. Then, I removed my shoes, socks, and pants until I was wearing nothing but my trusty pair of red, plaid boxer shorts.

Aruna bit her lip as she eyed me up and down, but she remained clothed.

I shot her a quick wink before I took a running start toward the pool. Once I was a few feet away from the edge, I jumped up into the air, curled my knees into my chest, and then cannonballed into the water. Even with the heater, the water was still significantly colder than the air around me, and I could feel the goosebumps creep up my arms as if they were marionettes being brought to life. The second my feet touched the bottom, I thrust them downward and broke through the surface of the pool in a flurry.

“You coming in?” I asked Aruna as I stared her down longingly. “The water’s kinda cool, but it still feels really good on the skin.”

“I can’t,” the Rakshasi protested playfully, “I didn’t bring my swimsuit, and I’d hate to ruin the ten million dollar check you just wrote me.”

“That didn’t stop you last time,” I reminded her, and Aruna responded with a wide smile.

“No,” she mused, “I suppose it did not.”

Without another word, Aruna slid her arms through the sides of her dress and then let it crumple down into a heap at her feet. The small, dark nipples on her chest were already erect from the brisk air, and she gave me a tender smile as she picked up her garment with her right foot and then gingerly tossed it to the side.

My eyes watched the beautiful, naked assassin as she strutted over to the edge of the pool, sat down on the wet brick, and dangled her long legs into the water.

Then Aruna leaned forward so her breasts were pushed together and on full display as she began to kick her legs to and fro beneath the surface.

“Sooooo,” I mused, “still not coming in?”

“Why don’t you come to me?” Aruna beckoned seductively.

The Rakshasi placed her arms back behind her body and spread her legs apart so her tender slit was wide open.

I knew exactly what she wanted me to do.

I swam over to her as quickly as I could, came up just in front of her open legs, and grabbed the edge of the pool. Then I used one hand to keep my balance, but the other gripped Aruna’s thigh delicately. I kissed the Rakshasi’s legs in a slow, sensual pattern until I reached her soft inner thighs, where I began to lick and suck the skin as tenderly as I could.

Aruna reached down and gripped my hair tightly as she let out a deep moan of excitement. Then she gave my brown locks a gentle tug, and I knew what she wanted.

No … I knew what she needed.

I shoved my face into Aruna’s pussy and began to lick her as softly as I possibly could. I made every pattern known to man with my tongue, and it seemed to be working wonders.

“Ohhhh, Jacob,” she moaned as I went to town on her womanhood.

My cock swelled in my boxers as I ate out the exotic beauty and took in all of her sounds of ecstasy.

Aruna’s thighs began to quiver against my cheeks as I increased my speed, and she started to grip my hair as if she were going to yank it out of my head.

I buried my face deeper into the Rakshasi, and that’s when she went over the edge.

“Holy fuck, Jacob!” she nearly screamed as she shoved me down against her womanhood as hard as she could.

I kept going as Aruna orgasmed intensely. Once her body relaxed, I pulled my head away and shot her a wink to let her know I was having just as much fun as she was.

Aruna suddenly reached down, grabbed me underneath my armpits, and hoisted me up so I was at her eye level. Then she wrapped her arms around me as she began to kiss me passionately, and I leaned into her so I was pinning her down on her back. We explored each other’s mouths as we ran our hands all along each other’s bodies with a passionate, delicate touch.

Aruna’s dark nipples were so erect they could probably cut glass, and they were pressed up against my naked chest tightly as we made out. The Rakshasi’s hands gripped my ass firmly and gave my sopping wet boxers a fierce tug, and the motion got them down to about my knees. Aruna used her feet to pull them the rest of the way down and then tossed them into the water.

“Hey!” I joked. “Those are my good pair of boxers!”

“You’ll be fine,” the assassin purred as she reached down and smacked my bare ass, “you don’t need them right now.”

No, I definitely didn’t.

My rock-hard erection was pressed up against the outside of Aruna’s tender mound, and it knocked on the door of her throbbing, wet tunnel. I could feel both of our parts pulsing as they rested against each other, and I couldn’t fucking take it anymore.

So, I pulled my hips back and then slid my erection into Aruna’s warm tunnel of love.

The Rakshasi let out a gasp as I entered her, and her eyes rolled back in her head as I bottomed out inside her pussy.

“Holy fuck … ” she whimpered and bit her lip. “For awhile, I thought I had just imagined it was that big, but fuck … it feels like you are going to split me in half … in a good way.”

“Glad you like it,” I purred.

“I love it,” she admitted with a low husky moan that made her tunnel vibrate around my shaft.

“I haven’t even started to fuck you yet,” I chuckled and wrapped one hand around Aruna’s slender waist as I began to pound in and out of her intensely. Then the other hand grabbed her around the back of the neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

Aruna’s moans were muffled against my lips as we made out, but that wasn’t the only indication of satisfaction she gave me. The Rakshasi’s free hand was gripping at the ground as if she were trying to hold on for dear life, and her tiger-like claws left deep scratch marks in the brick beneath them.

“Sooooo gooddddd,” the Rakshasi moaned and her pussy throbbed around my cock as she came closer and closer to the brink, but that only made me want to go harder. My balls were tightening up into my body as they prepared to unleash their warm seed inside of Aruna’s womb, but I wasn’t going to let this end so quickly.

So, I pulled myself out of the beautiful assassin, pushed myself backward, and then plopped back into the water.

“For old time’s sake?” I beckoned.

Aruna sat up, and she was completely basking in the glow of love. Her beautiful brown hair was in complete disarray, and her body glistened with sweat as her perky breasts heaved with each breath. The Rakshasi placed her feet back into the water, and then she swiftly pushed the rest of her body in. When she finally popped back up above the waves, Aruna’s long, dark hair clung to her head like a heavy drape, and she smiled at me intensely as she made her way to the underwater bench seats, she was all too familiar with.

“For old time’s sake,” she purred, “but maybe … with a twist?”

Instead of sitting down on the bench, Aruna placed her shins down against the seat so her torso was above the surface, and then bent over. Her toned ass jutted out of the water like an overripe tomato, and her thick pussy lips were just begging to be filled.

There was enough room on these benches for me to stand, so that was exactly what I did. I hoisted myself up, placed my feet firmly against the rough concrete, and then grabbed Aruna around the waist. I guided her backward until the head of my cock touched the opening of her warm tunnel, and then I slowly pushed myself inside of her.

Some way, somehow, in this position I was able to go even deeper than I was before.

“Ohhhh,” both of us let out a moan of euphoria as our bodies became one, and then I pulled out as slowly as I had gone in. At the same time, I reached in front of Aruna’s body, touched her clitoris, and began to rub it gently as I thrusted in and out of her wet pussy.

The Rakshasi responded with a gasp of excitement, and the gasps just kept coming with each pump I made into her.

After a few minutes of this position, I knew that wasn’t going to be the only thing coming.

Aruna’s pussy started to tighten around my rock-hard dick as her moans became more hurried and frequent. Finally, she threw her palms out flat against the ground and began to move herself forward and back against my cock. The Rakshasi threw back her head as her warm tunnel spasmed, and then she unleashed a groan that sounded almost primal as she orgasmed.

The sight of the Rakshasi’s perfect ass bouncing against my cock, mixed with the pure ecstasy of her noises, sent me over the edge.

I pushed myself into Aruna as far as I could go, and then I unleashed a flood of my warm seed inside of her.

The Rakshasi collapsed forward onto the ground as her clenching tunnel drank my cum, and she tried to regain her regular breathing pattern with a few gasps. Then, when all was said and done, I pulled myself out of her, watched a bit of my cum drip out of her still trembling pussy, and then hoisted myself up onto the ground beside her.

The bricks were somewhat slick and a tad uncomfortable, but I didn’t really care. For the second time in my life, I’d just ridden a fucking tiger.

“What do you think now?” I asked as I stared up at the perfect blue Arizona sky.

“What was the question, again?” Aruna panted. “I think you may have just literally fucked my brains out and filled me to the brim. I don’t remember what you were even talking about before.”

“Are you willing to stay around as part of my team?” I reiterated. “As a paid independent contractor, of course.”

“Do we get to do that again?” she purred.

“Oh, yes,” I promised, “we’ll get to do a lot of that. And, if you’d like, we can even get some of the succubi involved. They always like to share the love.”

The Rakshasi raised her eyebrows as she rolled over onto her back and stared up at the sky. The beginnings of a smile curled up the sides of her mouth, and there was a warm happiness behind her eyes.

“Then I guess I’ll stay,” she admitted. “Can I still take other jobs while I’m a, uh ‘independent contractor?’”

“Of course, you can,” I reassured her, “just as long as they don’t involve us or our enemies.”

“Fair enough,” the Rakshasi sighed, and then she slowly wobbled back to her feet. “Damn it, Jacob! You fucked me so hard I don’t think I’ll be able to walk straight for weeks.”

“Where are you going?” I questioned as I also stood up. “Don’t you want to stay a bit longer?”

“Oh, I do,” Aruna assured me, “but I still need to get that check to the Council of Death. The sooner it gets to them, the sooner your issue with getting attacked every other week goes away.”

As much as I wanted to beg the Rakshasi to stay and go a few more rounds, she had a point.

We needed this situation resolved ASAP, and Aruna was the only one who could do that right now. As much as I hated to see her leave, she had work to do.

As I watched the sexy, toned woman moving toward her dress, I realized I was still missing my boxers.

“Uh, Aruna?” I chuckled. “Do you have any idea where my underwear went?”

“So demanding,” the Rakshasi joked. “I’m on it.”

Aruna took a firm stance and then summoned dark ectoplasm all around her body. Slowly, her figure began to shift and contort until she eventually took the shape of an animal.

I’d seen her do this before. She was a fucking crocodile.

The Aruna-gator splunked down into the water and then took off like a rocket toward the other side. A few seconds later, it reappeared with my boxers in its mouth, spat them out at the side of the pool, and then pulled itself out of the water.

The crocodile was surrounded with ectoplasm once more, and then Aruna reappeared before me.

She walked over to me with a large smile, placed her tender hand against my cock, and then gave me a peck on the lips.

I could feel my erection returning, and so could Aruna.

“Save that for next time,” she cooed. “I’ll see you later, Jacob Ralston.”

Aruna walked over, tossed on her tight dress, and then engulfed herself in black ectoplasm. Her arms turned into large, feathered wings as her legs contracted into talons, and her face extended out into the form of a sharp, curved beak. Within seconds, Aruna had transformed into a hawk. Then the assassin in disguise let out a shrill squawk as she took to the sky and headed off into the horizon.

I watched as the majestic hawk turned into little more than a small dot in the distance, and I let out a deep sigh.

I didn’t know when I was going to see Aruna again, but I hoped it would be soon.

“That seemed to go well,” Mirage’s disembodied voice announced from somewhere in the lounge area.

The sudden appearance of the madame startled me, and I nearly fell back into the pool as I tried to figure out where the voice was coming from.

Finally, I saw a nearby section of the fence become encased in misty green Hellfire. It vanished in a flash to reveal Sia and Mirage standing there with large grins and a slight blush on both of their faces.

“Were you guys watching that entire time?” I gasped.

“We had to make sure everything went according to plan.” Mirage shrugged. “Also, we weren’t going to miss a chance to see you naked. Or Aruna, for that matter. The outfits she normally wears don’t do her true figure any justice.”

“Well, you saw what just happened,” I chuckled as I held up my boxer shorts to dry in the intense sun. “We’ve basically got the right of first refusal for Aruna, and she promised to deliver our payment that’ll get the other assassins off our tail.”

“Let me help you with that,” Mirage suggested as she pointed to my sopping-wet boxer shorts. “Hold it out away from your body.”

I summoned green Hellfire into my hands, surrounded the boxers, and then floated them out into the air in front of me.

Half a second later, Mirage hurled a tiny fireball at the underwear. The flaming sphere struck the garment, lit it up with a warm red glow, and then disappeared almost instantly. Somehow, the shorts were still in one piece, but they were no longer heavy and dark from the water that had just been inside the fibers.

I brought my boxers back into my hand and, much to my surprise, they were completely dry.

“How did you--” I began, but Mirage just shrugged.

“I have very, very good control over my Hellfire powers,” the succubus madame admitted. “Literal millennia of practice.”

“You’ll have to teach me someday,” I noted as I pulled the underwear over my body.

“Maybe we can try the Pavlov method,” Sia suggested. “Every time Jacob does well, he gets a treat.”

“Ohhhhhh,” Mirage purred, “I’d love to give him some treats … especially the cream-filled kind.”

I honestly couldn’t tell if they were using a euphemism or not, so I just wandered over to the rest of my clothes, put them on, and then turned back toward the house.

“Where’s Todd?” I questioned. “Don’t tell me he’s still in there choking out one-eyed willy.”

“I’m not sure,” Superbia admitted. “When we finally got to that area of the mansion, we could distinctly hear Todd’s voice shouting something in Japanese.”

“Ah,” I chuckled, “he’s definitely not done, then. I guess we should give him a few minutes, and then we can head back down to the Fourth Circle. We’ve got a lot to talk about with the others.”

“We really do,” Sia agreed. “Now that all of our distractions have been dealt with, we can move on to bigger and better things.”

Bigger and better things. Like making the first move in the chess match that will end up being our final battle.

Chapter 8

“I’m really fucking pumped to see what the Great Pumpkin has done with the place, bro,” Todd giggled as we floated along the River of Souls in our tiny dinghy. “I just hope he didn’t go overboard with the whole ‘orange’ thing. It’s not really a neutral color, ya know?”

“I’m not sure what Mephisto’s done with the Fifth Circle,” I laughed, “but I can almost guarantee you he hasn’t painted it all orange.”

“Don’t make guarantees you can’t be sure of, bro,” the imp clicked his tongue. “I remember you guaranteed me Daredevil was the most badass movie ever made. That shit was so terrible, I wanted a truck full of chemicals to blind me!”

“I’ve heard Mephisto has done great things in the short while he’s been King,” Libidine noted from across the boat. “Apparently, he’s turned the entire Fifth Circle into something out of one of your Earth Realm’s resort books. He cleaned up the water and has enlisted the Shades in his domain to help him construct an entire new civilization!”

“Now, Libidine,” Sia chuckled, “what have I always told you about listening to rumors and gossip?”

“That I shouldn’t believe everything I hear,” Liby sighed.

“Even I knew that, Lib,” Todd noted. “If you really wanna know where to go to get factual information, just hit up the ‘ol interwebs. People are super trustworthy on the internet, so you can take just about everything you read as one-hundred percent truth. Unless it comes from ‘The Man.’ Then I can guarantee you it’s a load of bullshit.”

“‘The Man?’” Mirage questioned. “What ‘man’ are we talking about?”

“Oh, you sweet summer child.” Todd shook his head somberly. “The Man. Like, the evil shadow forces that feed us all lies and operate behind closed doors, working as hard as they can to fuck over the everyday citizens.”

“But, if they’re a secret shadow organization, how do you know who they are?” Mirage continued with a furrowed brow.

“Because the noble truthers who have their own websites know about ‘em, Houdini,” Todd reiterated. “And they so generously offer to lift the curtain on all this conspiracy shit for the small price of fifty dollars a month.”

“Sooooo,” Mirage was obviously trying to wrap her brain around all this, “you have to pay people for the truth?”

“Damn straight,” Todd nodded, “they ain’t gonna give it away for free.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” the brunette madame retorted, “but isn’t that the whole point of Earth’s ‘internet?’ To give people access to boatloads of information for free? Why would anyone lock the truth behind a paywall?”

Todd raised his finger into the air and opened his mouth to respond, but then he quickly closed it. His face contorted into a look of confusion as he tried to rack his brain and find an answer.

“I think she may have just broke Todd,” I whispered to Libidine, and the Sister of Lust giggled heartily.

“I-I don’t know,” the imp finally admitted. “Have … Have I been giving John Zeitmann fifty dollars a month for nothing?”

“Oh, no,” I mused as I recognized the name, “is that guy finally gone off the deep end and joined the rest of the conspiracy theorists?”

“They call themselves ‘the protectors of truth,’ Jakey!” Todd retorted. “But yeah, this dude’s gone far beyond all the demon shit. Now, he’s got entire pages dedicated to UFOs, cryptids, witchcraft, and even government cover-ups. Did you know JFK was killed by martians?”

“I did not,” I admitted sarcastically, “but now I kinda feel bad for the guy. If he’d never seen us fighting that bull-headed bastard all those years ago, he never would have gone down the rabbit hole of the paranormal world.”

“Don’t feel too bad for Zeitmann,” Sia scoffed. “That man is currently worth more than Robert Quinn was in his prime.”

“Seriously?” I asked skeptically. “People are really eating up all this shit?”

“Give the people what they want, I suppose,” Sia said with a shrug.

We eventually came upon the entrance to the Fifth Circle, a large cave with a series of rapids and violent waterspouts that deterred Shades from wandering from one Circle to the other. As we passed through the mouth of the cave, Invidia let out a sigh of relief.

“Finally,” the Sister of Envy said almost orgasmically, “we get to the part that’s as dark as my soul. I just hope Mephisto hasn’t changed too much about the doom and gloom of the Fifth Circle. It sounded like a wonderful place for a vacation.”

“Everybody hold on!” I commanded my friends as we hit the first set of rapids.

We’d all done this so many times, it was almost second nature, but I still wanted to make sure we got there in one piece. Our boat was tossed and turned by the violent water, but none of us ended up going overboard. Instead, we approached the large, glowing green portal rapidly, and soon we found ourselves being transported through space and time.

Then the world went quiet, and we were spat out in the Fifth Circle.

My jaw hit the floor when I saw what had been done to the place.

Gone was the dark, depressing gray sky and the murky water full of shadows and Shades who were being tortured for all of eternity. Instead, the sky was a vibrant blue and filled with clouds that all appeared to be shaped like various animals. The water was now crystal clear, too, almost like something you’d seen in the Maldives.

Most importantly, there didn’t seem to be any Shades in the water.

“I wonder how Mephisto is torturing his Shades,” I pondered aloud as our boat headed toward the center of the Circle.

“Apparently, he’s torturing them in an eternity of paradise,” Mirage noted as she stared at her own reflection in the pristine water.

“Nah, there has to be a catch,” I explained. “That’s the one downside of ruling over a Circle of Hell. Even if you want to make it the coolest fucking place in the universe, you still have to incorporate some form of torment. If you don’t, it’s not really Hell, is it?”

“Lucifer would not be happy,” Sia added. “That’s why we make sure to fine our Shades excessively for every little thing. Sister Ira is actually our Torture Master, and she is always coming up with some truly twisted ways to punish these people.”

“Like the ‘whistling while you walk’ fine,” Todd shuddered, “what kinda psychopath punishes you for whistling in public?”

“The kind that makes sure our Circle is up to code,” Sia reminded him. “Jacob might be Lucifer’s son, but the natural order of the Universe does not allow for there to be a Hell without punishment. That kind of defeats the whole purpose of its existence.”

“Well, we can ask the Master of Whispers when we get there.” I nodded to the large island in the middle of the sea.

As we got closer, I saw our trusted ally had even redone the few buildings that existed within the Fifth Circle. Baphomet’s medieval style castle had been completely torn down and replaced with a large, white marble structure surrounded by equally white pillars. The roof of the place was as red as our incendiary Hellfire, and there were statues all over the courtyard.

“Huh,” Todd mused, “I never woulda pegged the Great Pumpkin for a fan of Ancient Greece. Waiiiiittttt. Does this mean he has a bottomless pit he tosses his enemies into?”

“I’m pretty sure that was made up for the movie,” I explained to the imp as the boat pulled into the dock. “Besides, it looks like Mephisto’s going more for Athens than Sparta.”

“But … but …” Todd trailed off and hung his head in disappointment. “I was totally gonna kick a mofo down the pit and scream ‘This is Sparta … ’”

The six of us exited the dinghy onto a narrow wooden pier, and the ground beneath us swayed with each crash of the waves below and threatened to dump us into the water.

Although, at least now there weren’t Shades waiting inside to tear us limb-from-limb.

Almost instantly, a man wearing a toga, with curly black hair, approached us.

“You must be King Ralston!” the man exclaimed as he stuck out his hand in greeting. “King Mephisto sent me to meet you. The name’s Tyler.”

“Nice to meet you, Tyler,” I said as I shook his hand. “Have the other Demon Kings arrived yet?”

“Not yet,” Tyler explained, “you guys are the first group here. Now, if you’ll kindly follow--”

Before the Shade could finish his sentence, a loud, shrill beep pierced the air. Tyler quickly glanced down at his watch, let out a deep sigh, and then silenced the sound.

“I do apologize, folks,” he continued, “but it’s my time right now. Just head up this pathway to the main door of the palace, and I’ll meet you there. Whatever you do, don’t try to save me.”

Save him? I had no idea what the fuck this Shade was even talking about. Save him from what? This was a peaceful Circle now.

Much to my horror, the Shade answered my question without another word.

Tyler fumbled around in his pocket, produced a small rope with two large stones on each end, and then flung it around his neck as tight as it would go. Then, before anyone could say a single word, the Shade stepped off the edge of the pier and sank beneath the surface of the water.

“Holy fuck!” I gasped and summoned green Hellfire into my hands.

I reached out to surround the Shade’s body in the telekinetic spell, but Mirage placed her hand on mine and lowered it down.

“He asked you not to interfere,” the succubus reminded me. “I’m sure this is part of the penance process, and we should not interfere.”

I watched as the Shade thrashed underneath the water, and his eyes were wide as he choked for air. As much as I wanted to help the poor guy, Mirage was right. The last thing I needed to do was disrupt the punishment of the Shades who had been condemned to this place.

“Uhhhh,” Todd finally broke the awkward silence, “right this way? Up the path?”

“That’s what he said.” Libidine shrugged, and then she began to head toward the end of the dock.

Sia, Mirage, and Invidia followed their sister, but Todd and I stayed behind to watch the horrific scene in front of us.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine, bro,” Todd explained as he tapped me on the shoulder comfortingly. “He’s a Shade. They’re practically invincible.”

I gave the poor guy one last glance as his eyes rolled back into his head and his body went rigid. The whole scene gave me the heebie-jeebies, but I knew we had to push on.

So, the six of us followed the path up through the docks and across the rocky island of brimstone until we finally came upon the palace doors. I reached up to knock, but they started to creak open before I even had a chance.

There, on the other side of the door, was Tyler.

“What. The. Fuckkkkkkk,” Todd hissed into my ear.

“Hello, friends!” Tyler exclaimed happily. “I’m very sorry you had to see all that. It was four o’clock, and that’s when my daily reenactment is supposed to occur.”

“Daily reenactment?” Sia questioned. “Does that have to do with your penance?”

“It does,” the Shade nodded with a smile, “smart cookie there, this one. You see, King Mephisto is a just ruler, but even he cannot change the natural laws of the universe. Those of us who are condemned to the Fifth Circle are condemned to repeat our mortal deaths for all of eternity, forever meant to suffer the same way we suffered in real life.”

“It’s gettin’ reeeaaaallll dark in here, Jakey,” Todd warned with an overly-loud whisper.

“However, unlike Baphomet, who forced us to relive our demise twenty-four seven, Mephisto only requires that we do it once a day,” Tyler explained. “He even lets us choose what time of day we get to do it! I know it sounds somewhat macabre, but compared to what Baphomet had us doing, this is as close to Heaven as we’re ever going to get.”

It may have been twisted and fucked up, but the Shade was right. At least Mephisto seemed to be treating them well.

“So, are you guys like, all emo and stuff?” Invidia spoke up. “If you have to die at least once every day, I’m sure your minds are filled with all sorts of dark, depressing thoughts. Right?”

“Not any longer,” Tyler announced proudly. “Under King Mephisto, morale has never been higher.”

“Laaaaammmme,” Invidia mumbled under her breath and crossed her arms over her chest. “At least tell me you listen to like, Johnny Cash or something. The later years, though, not the upbeat early stuff.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you,” Tyler shrugged, “but we’re all happy as a lark here. Minus those few minutes where we are dying, of course. Those are moments of deep, dark sadness that make us question whether or not there truly is a God and Devil, or if this is just the universe’s way of laughing at us until our ball of floating space debris is destroyed by the eventual heat death of the Universe.”

“Now, that’s what I’m talking about!” Vidia grinned. “I want to hear more about that.”

“Perhaps later,” Tyler sighed. “For now, please come in. King Mephisto wishes to gather all of you in his War Room.”

The six of us followed Tyler through the palace, and we couldn’t help but marvel at everything along the way. The floors and ceiling were painted in a distinct Mediterranean style, with intricate tile work and bright colors throughout. Every now and again, we’d pass a small marble statue, and each one represented a different ally of Mephisto. Todd, my succubi, and myself were present, as were Mammon, Lilith, and Asmodeus.

It was an over-the-top gesture, but a nice one nonetheless.

Eventually, Tyler brought us to a large room with no door and a large, arched opening. He walked through the marble threshold, glanced up at the ceiling, and put his hands over his mouth to amplify the sound.

“King Ralston and his party are here, my King!” Tyler called out.

Excellent, Mephisto’s voice replied, please send them in.

The Shade turned and then motioned for us to enter, and we obliged.

I let out an impressed whistle as I entered Mephisto’s War Room. The entire thing was shaped into a large circle, and the ceiling stretched nearly one-hundred feet tall. Each and every wall of the place was covered head-to-toe with a carved-in bookcase, and hundreds of thousands of individual titles littered their shelves. Meanwhile, at the center of the room sat a raised, marble, circular table surrounded by dark wooden chairs. Just off to the right of the table stood a map of the different Circles of Hell, which had been attached to a rolling whiteboard for ease of access.

I had to admit, this place made my Who Wants to be a Millionaire War Room look like child’s play.

We all looked toward the ceiling as Mephisto, the King of the Fifth Circle and the Master of Whispers, appeared above our heads. The Demon King was wearing nothing but a pair of baggy brown shorts and an elegant, gold crown atop his head as he fluttered down to meet us. Even his mouth, which had been eternally sewn shut, appeared to be more regal than usual. The stitches that held his lips together now glistened with the same gold of his crown, and his horns were now even bespeckled with the beautiful metal.

Do you like it? the Master of Whispers implored. I figured I should stick with a look that says ‘simple, yet elegant.’

“Mission accomplished,” Libidine said with a nod. “You truly look like a king, Mephisto.”

It is all thanks to you, my friends, the orange Demon King reminded us. If I hadn’t had a king who believed in me, I would still be locked in a flaming tomb right now.

“You’re welcome,” Todd snickered. “So, uh … what’s your rule on Prima Nocta around here?”

There is none, the Demon King admitted, but good luck finding a female Shade willing to sleep with a demon. They’re still trying to get over all the terrible things that happened under Baphomet’s regime.

“And that was why it was so important that I picked a good King,” I explained to the King of the Fifth Circle. “The more Shades we can inspire to work with us, the greater our chances of victory become. If we can build up an entire army of Shades who are actually committed to our cause, nothing will be able to stop us.”

That is correct, my friend, Mephisto said with a happy nod. Hopefully, the other Demon Kings will see it your way. If you don’t mind me asking, what is the purpose of this meeting, King Ralston?

“I have a proposition to make,” I explained, “one that’s gonna sound totally crazy to everybody at this table. But I think it’s the right one.”

Whatever it is, know you have the Fifth Circle’s full support, the Master of Whispers reassured me. Always.

“That’s a dangerous game you’re playing, Great Pumpkin,” Todd warned, “agreeing to something before you even hear it is how I got stuck in a really, reaaaallllly awkward situation with one of my exes. She totally wanted to have a threesome and, being the dude everyone knows I am, I started to prepare the ‘ol schlonger so it could satisfy two babes at the same time. You know what happened? The amazing day finally came upon us, and guess what? She invited a fucking dude! Total miscommunication on our part, bro.”

“That sounds terrible,” Libidine gasped, “what happened next?”

“Oh,” Todd scoffed, “I let them go for it, and I just went into the other room and flipped on Bigfoot Files. There are not enough ‘no homos’ in the world to fix that whole situation. I totally dodged a bullet.”

Mirage started to say something, but I shook my head furiously to dissuade her. Todd had been taken advantage of by his bitch of an ex so many times, I really didn’t want to be the one to break it to him this time.

Off in the distance, I suddenly heard a slew of trumpets.

That must be one of our other guests, Mephisto mused. Come. Let’s prepare to talk business.

Mephisto, my Demon Lords, and I all sauntered over and took our places around the table in the middle of the room, and I made sure to put a little bit of space between Mephisto and I so the other Demon Kings didn’t think we were in collusion with each other.

Finally, our first ally arrived.

We heard him coming a mile away, quite literally. Heavy footsteps echoed through the hallways, and it almost felt like Mephisto’s palace was rumbling with each thump of the Demon King’s feet.

The gargantuan, yellow-skinned form of Mammon appeared on the other side of the door before he paused and looked over the threshold. The King of the Second Circle let out a deep “harumph” as he attempted to enter through the opening, but his large gut got caught against the sides. Then Mammon took a deep breath and sucked in his stomach just enough so it cleared the wall and allowed him to slip into the room.

Mammon’s skin was glistening with sweat from his exertion, and the Demon King was huffing as if he’d just run a marathon. He wobbled his bulk over to the table, pulled out one of the wooden chairs, and plopped his giant ass down onto it.

“Peecha wanchee lockhba tang nannee du chonky troy, oh-hoho,” Todd whispered in a deep, Jabba-esque voice.

“Be nice,” I hissed back at the imp beside me, even though I was trying to contain my laughter. “Mammon may be a bit on the chunky side, but he’s still our ally.”

Then the War Room was filled with the distinct sound of creaking wood. It was coming from underneath Mammon’s chunky mass, and I knew what was about to happen.

There was a loud crack as the wooden chair underneath the King of the Second Circle splintered into a million pieces and sent him tumbling backward onto his back. The entire room shook from the impact when Mammon hit the ground, and Mephisto and I leapt to our feet to see if we could help the fallen king.

Are you alright? Mephisto implored as we both reached out and grabbed Mammon’s lower arm.

Mephisto and I heaved as hard as we could, but this guy felt like he weighed a literal ton. Finally, I summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, tossed down a barrier underneath Mammon’s back, and then commanded it to slowly raise up until the yellow-skinned demon was in an upright position.

“Smarter, not harder,” I chuckled as I stepped back and brushed my hands together in victory. “But seriously, are you alright?”

“I’m a Demon King, my friend,” Mammon gurgled through his goiter-laden voice box. “It’s going to take a lot more than a little tumble to take me out.”

Shall I bring you another chair? Mephisto asked, but Mammon simply dismissed him with a wave of his hand.

“That will not be necessary, King Mephisto,” he explained, “I’ve yet to find a wooden chair that could hold my figure. I suppose I have too much muscle … ”

“That’s totally what we’re going with,” Todd snickered.

“Here,” I noted as I summoned another horizontal platform of purple Hellfire, “it’s not the most comfortable chair, but at least it’ll hold up.”

“Why thank you, King Ralston,” Mammon said with an appreciative nod.

The King of the Second Circle plopped his large burlap sack of coins down on the table in front of us and then slowly eased himself down onto the floating platform.

I tried to hide my grunt as I felt his weight threaten to break my barrier, but I was able to hold on. Then I gave the Demon King a thumbs up as I headed back to my spot at the table.

“I suppose a congratulations is in order, eh?” Mammon mused. “I never would have pegged you for a Demon King, Mephisto.”

Nor would I, Mephisto admitted, but King Ralston felt otherwise. And I have learned in our short time together that King Ralston’s instincts are always correct.

“You know, it’s funny,” Mammon pondered aloud as he stuck one of his fat fingers into his ear and went drilling for gold, “we hadn’t had a change in Demon Kings for hundreds of thousands of years, but now? They seem to be changing as often as the setting sun! Tell me … should you be successful in your mission, who do you plan to install in place of Gressil and Beelzebub?”

I sat back in my chair and tilted my head to the side as I pondered the demon’s words. I honestly hadn’t given a single second of thought to that question, but it was a good one.

“I’m not sure,” I admitted, “I figured we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, and we’ve got a long way to go before we’re there.”

As I thought about Mammon’s proposition, I saw a tall, dark-haired Shade appear out of the corner of my eye. He was followed by a chorus line of other Shades, each one with their own bass guitar in their hands.

It was Ronaldo, Asmodeus’ hype man, and his announcing party.

“All rise for the arrival of his gloriousness,” Ronaldo declared, “the one and only sex machine, the Ten-inch penetrator himself, King Asmodeus of the First Circle!”

The guitar players began to pluck out their funky dance tune, and Asmodeus appeared through the door.

He was wearing a blue blazer over his naked torso that looked like it was made out of pure snakeskin. It had a singular golden shoulder pad that must have jutted out a full foot off his left side, and his bottom half was squeezed into black leather pants that looked like they would rip if he bent over.

The green-skinned demon used his jewel-encrusted cane as support as he made his way to the table, sat down across from us, and then lifted his fist into the air.

Instantly, the fanfare stopped.

“Thank you, Ronaldo,” he said to his Shade. “The lot of you are dismissed for now. Go have an orgy in the guest room or something.”

All of the Shades let out a small “woohoo” as they turned and ran out of sight.

Mephisto raised his hand to protest, but they were gone before he could get a single word out. The orange demon bowed his head in frustration, shook it amusedly, and then folded his hands across the table.

Welcome, Asmodeus, he greeted the King of the First Circle. It is an honor to finally meet you in the flesh.

“I absolutely looovee what you’ve done with this place,” Asmodeus mused as he leaned back and crossed his left leg over his right. “I think Ancient Greece has to be my favorite time period ever. They were very … open about all of their desires, if you get my drift. I wish the world were more like that nowadays. Anyways, I appreciate your invitation, and I’m glad to see another Demon King on our side. But, if I may ask … how were you coronated? King Ralston is still relatively new to this place. He wouldn’t know how to do it, nor would any of his succubi.”

“Demon Lords,” Mirage corrected.

An annoyed smile arose at the corner of Asmodeus’ lips, and he turned his head slowly to look at the succubus.

“My mistake,” he said through gritted teeth, “good to see you again, Mirage. I hope your transition between masters has been going well.”

“I’m as good as I’ve ever been,” Mirage grinned, “thank you for letting me go to him.”

“Of course he let you go!” Mammon laughed. “This is King Ralston we’re talking about, here. If Asmodeus hadn’t agreed to part company with you, the King of the Fourth Circle here woulda just swooped in and taken ya anyway! That’s what I love about this guy over here. He takes what he wants with no fear of repercussions.”

“Perhaps.” Asmodeus shrugged, “but Mirage was a gift of good faith to my closest ally. Now, King Mephisto, why have you summoned us all here today?”

We are still waiting on our last guest, Mephisto noted. I don’t want to begin until she arrives.

“She?” Asmodeus questioned with a frown. “Are we really going to hold off on an important meeting just because one of the Demon Lords is running late?”

“She is much more than just a Demon Lord,” Superbia finally spoke up. “It would be unwise to start the meeting without her presence.”

“I think we’ll be fine,” Mammon scoffed. “We can have the imp take notes and catch her up later. I want to know what sort of fame and fortune awaits us on our next mission.”

“I’m sure Todd would take great notes,” an angelic voice spoke up from the doorway, “but I much prefer to be kept in the loop by my allies themselves.”

Lilith, the Demon Queen, stepped through the threshold and into the war room. She was adorned with a breastplate, thigh armor, and boots made up of pure gold, and each piece hugged her tender curves like a wet blanket. A black, jewel-encrusted crown sat atop her wild red hair, and her silk black cape fluttered behind her as she walked.

Eligor was right behind her mistress, and she was wearing the same skimpy gray scalemail bikini she was known for.

Mammon and Asmodeus both stared in stunned silence as Lilith approached and took a seat at the table.

“Y-You’re … ” Mammon sputtered.

“Spit it out, Mammon,” Lilith prodded, “there’s no need for fanfare between allies.”

“Lilith,” he gasped with wide eyes. “I-I never thought I’d be graced by the presence of the Demon Queen herself!”

Asmodeus hopped up from his chair, got down on one knee, and bowed to the redhead.

“It is an honor to be graced by your presence, oh great Demon Queen,” the King of the First Circle announced.

“Please stand up,” Lilith sighed, “that is most certainly not necessary.”

Asmodeus obeyed the Demon Queen without protest.

For the first time since I’d been exposed to the supernatural world, I could see just how powerful Lilith was. These two were some of the most brutal, ruthless beings in the universe, but they were reduced to little more than humble fanboys at the mere sight of the Demon Queen.

And she was on my side.

Lilith and Eligor sauntered over to their chairs, took a seat, and then looked over the crowd carefully.

Welcome, Lilith, Mephisto nodded graciously, thank you for coming on such short notice.

“Anything for Jacob’s Alliance,” Lilith smiled, “that’s what I’m calling us now. I think it’s quite fitting, don’t you all?”

I could see on Asmodeus and Mammons’ faces that they weren’t enthralled by having the alliance named after me, but they didn’t dare speak out against the Demon Queen.

“My mistress and I have traveled far, through treacherous landscapes and hostile territories, to make it to this meeting,” Eligor announced. “What is the meaning of this gathering of Jacob’s Alliance?”

“Hi, Eligor,” Libidine giggled and waved.

Eligor glanced over at the Sister of Lust and pursed her lips with confusion. She didn’t want to break her composure in front of her mistress, but she also had been through so much with Libidine and the rest of my succubi that she surely didn’t want ignore her. Finally, the Knight of Hell let a small smile creep up the side of her mouth, and she gave Libidine an acknowledging nod.

“I’ve called us all here today because I wanted to discuss battle strategies,” I explained as I projected my voice to the group. “Thanks to our allies up on Earth Realm, the Cults of Beelzebub and Gressil have been completely annihilated. At the same time, I know for a fact all of Beelzebub’s Demon Lords are dead, and I’ve never even encountered one of Gressil’s.”

“That’s because the King of the Sixth Circle is a bloody coward, who’s so far up his own ass he can kiss his own tonsils,” Mammon interjected. “He claims he’s never found a demon ‘worthy’ enough to be a Demon Lord to his oh-so-wonderful domain. Instead, he just goes around hiding behind everyone else’s loyal subjects! I’d be proud of his greediness if I didn’t hate his fucking guts so much.”

“So, Gressil has no Demon Lords?” I pondered aloud. “That’s gonna make things easier than I thought.”

What are you planning, my k--er, King Ralston? Mephisto asked through his Freudian slip.

I placed my palms face-down against the table, leaned in slowly, and looked at all of my friends.

“Now that all of their supporters and Demon Lords have been wiped out,” I explained, “I want to cut the heads off this three-headed snake once and for all.”

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” Asmodeus questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“I am,” I confirmed, “I want us to move on the Sixth and Eighth Circles as soon as possible. I want to kill our enemies once and for all.”

“I appreciate the gusto, King Ralston,” Mammon mused as he cleaned out his ear with his pinky, “but I don’t think we’re ready yet. Gressil should go down fairly easily, but even then, there’s still the Seventh Circle between us and Beelzebub.”

Mammon flicked whatever it was he pulled out of his ear onto the floor nonchalantly. Mephisto gave him a confused, annoyed glare as he did so, and Todd made an obnoxious gagging sound.

“Really digging for gold there, huh?” the imp shuddered. “That shit’s probably radioactive.”

“It’s even more complicated than that, I’m afraid,” Lilith spoke up. “Eligor and I have been doing some scouting, and it appears the Sixth Circle has been abandoned.”

“What do you mean, ‘abandoned?’” Sia asked curiously.

“She means Gressil and his forces have packed up and left,” Eligor explained. “All of his dwellings have been abandoned.”

“Fucking coward,” Asmodeus growled. “Of course, he would high-tail it out of his domain the second Baphomet was killed. He knew we’d be coming for him next.”

“So, where does that leave us?” Libidine asked with a sigh.

“It’s both good news and bad news,” Lilith continued. “The Sixth Circle looks like it can be taken with no bloodshed, but that also means Gressil is on his way to Beelzebub to combine their armies in the Eighth Circle.”

“Not with Abbadon in the way,” Mammon chuckled so hard his flab wobbled like pudding in an earthquake. “There’s no way the King of the Seventh Circle would allow Gressil’s army to pass through unharmed.”

“Which means the Seventh Circle is probably a warzone,” Lilith continued.

“Which means it’s even a better time to strike.” I grinned. “If Gressil and Abaddon are at each other’s throats, they might not notice us sneaking through.”

“An entire army trying to sneak through the Seventh Circle?” Asmodeus scoffed. “I trust your judgement, King Ralston, but I think you’re underestimating your enemies here.”

“Not the entire army,” I corrected Asmodeus, “just a small strike team.”

I’m not sure I’m following, Mephisto admitted.

“We’re not going to march our army through the Sixth and Seventh Circles,” I explained. “We’re going to use Gula’s boosting Hellfire to teleport them all to the Eighth Circle.”

“That’s suicide,” Lilith protested. “Even in his current weakened state, you are not powerful enough to take on Beelzebub.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded. “His followers are all dead. He’s banished to Hell. I’ve got multiple armies and Demon Kings at my side … It’s not going to get any easier than this.”

“Jacob … ” Lilith trailed off lovingly, “I’m only telling you this because I care for you and don’t want to see you killed. We need to build our forces a bit more before we can go in for the final assault on our greatest enemy. Anything less would be foolish.”

“So what?” I argued with a frown. “Do we just sit around and train some more?”

“Not at all,” Lilith clicked her tongue happily. “What we’re going to do is march into the Sixth Circle, liberate it from its former oppressor, and then head into the Seventh Circle. If you could somehow get an audience with Abaddon, perhaps he could do most of the work for you.”

“An audience with Abaddon?” Mammon scoffed. “You want to talk about suicide? I wouldn’t trust that red-skinned bastard as far as he could throw me. And you can probably guess that’s not very far.”

“If he won’t take up an audience with you, then you can just make his life a living Hell,” Lilith suggested, “He’s already dealing with Gressil’s forces in his domain and Beelzebub’s forces threatening from the right. The last thing he’ll want is a three-front war. Trust me on this, Jacob … Abaddon might be insane, but he’s not stupid.”

“What do the rest of you guys think?” I surveyed the group as I sat back in my chair. “Do you think it’s worth the risk?”

I will trust your judgement, King Ralston, Mephisto admitted.

“I’ve always wanted to meet Abbadabbaddoo,” Todd giggled. “Also, I totally wanna meet Serpico. How fucking cool is it that he has one of Pacino’s most iconic roles as his pet?”

Mammon, Mephisto, Asmodeus, and Lilith all exchanged glances, but I quickly shook my head to prevent them from saying anything.

Todd was deathly afraid of snakes, and if he knew Serpico was actually a twenty-foot long demon snake, there was no way he would agree to go on this mission.

“I … I think it’s a crazy plan,” Asmodeus admitted, “but what’s life without a little bit of crazy spice every now and again? There are lots of things I never would have dreamed I’d be into until some of my women convinced me to try them. What the hell? I support your plan.”

Mammon had his arms crossed over his chest, and the look on his face told me he was still unconvinced. However, he gave us a slight nod and shrugged his bulky shoulders.

“Why not?” he sighed. “It’s going to be you and your Demon Lords doing the espionage, anyway. So, I approve of this mission.”

“That settles it, then,” Lilith noted as she stood up from the table, “We shall send our forces into the Sixth Circle tomorrow morning. From there, we can assemble our strike team and launch the mission into Abaddon’s territory.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I agreed. “Thank you all for coming out for this meeting, and we’ll regroup tomorrow.”

Asmodeus and Mammon both stood up from their chairs and wandered out the door. However, the rest of us stayed back to talk about the new plan.

“Who’s going to be taking over the Sixth Circle?” I questioned aloud. “It’s pretty obvious Mammon wants it, and I want to make sure that doesn’t become a problem.”

“We still have a ways to go before we have to decide that, Jacob,” Lilith explained. “Though Gressil has abandoned his domain, Demon Kings are kings for life. Which means--”

“Which means we can’t truly take over the Sixth Circle until he’s dead,” I finished her sentence. “This sounds like it’s gonna be a daunting mission.”

Look on the bright side, my friend, Mephisto interjected, should things go completely south, you might end up with two new domains, rather than just one.

“As much as I’d love to have the Sixth and Seventh Circles under my control, let’s hope that doesn’t happen,” I chuckled. “Fighting Gressil and Abaddon at the same time sounds like a nightmare.”

“I have full faith you would be victorious,” Lilith purred. “You can take on anyone who comes your way. Other than Beelzebub. Or Lucifer. You’re nowhere near close to facing them yet. Now come, Eligor.”

Lilith stood up, motioned to her loyal knight, and the two of them strutted out of the room.

Todd made a whipping motion and sound and then cackled uncontrollably.

“Even all these years later, Tamira still knows how to get you to do what she wants,” the imp observed.

“Nah,” I protested, “we just have mutual interests at the moment, that’s all. I want these fuckers dead as much as she does. Besides, she’s literally the Demon Queen who started this all. If she says I shouldn’t take on Beelzebub yet, I believe her.”

I stood up from the table, looked around at my friends, and smiled widely.

“Come on, guys,” I announced, “we’ve got a strike team to assemble.”

Chapter 9

As much as we all were chomping at the bit to head out for our next mission, we needed to head back to the Fourth Circle first. If we truly wanted to sneak around in other Demon Kings’ domains, we needed to have a team built for espionage.

Plus, Todd claimed he needed to “reload the reeferooni” before we set out on a long journey.

So, in the end, I decided on a team consisting of Libidine, Eligor, Eclipse, Sia, Gula, and Todd.

Liby’s mind-control powers would be useful in case we needed a non-lethal way to get around other demons, while Eclipse’s light-bending powers made her perfect for sneaking past guards. Meanwhile, Sia came along in case we needed any healing, and Gula was our “bard,” as Todd called her. The Sister of Gluttony could give us a temporary power boost with her brown flames, and that was useful in just about any situation.

Eligor was the last piece of the puzzle. She knew the different Circles of Hell better than anyone else on my team, though, so taking her along was a must.

Plus, I just really enjoyed her company.

As for Todd? Well, it wouldn’t be an adventure without the Toddster’s unorthodox problem-solving skills.

Once we were ready to go, we loaded up into our tiny dinghy like a can of sardines and then headed out down the River of Souls. Before long, we made it back to Mephisto’s domain.

“I really wish complete fast travel was a thing in this place, bro,” Todd sighed as we drifted slowly through the waters of the Fifth Circle. “Or at least highways or bullet trains or something to make these trips go faster.”

“We’re working on it.” I shook my head as I looked to the bright blue horizon of the Fifth Circle. “Unfortunately, you can’t make an entire civilization’s worth of progress happen in a few months. At least we’ve got cars in the Fourth Circle now!”

“Yeah, but what good are cars if they can only take you around one stinkin’ city?” the imp retorted. “Hell is in dire need of some infrastructure, Jakey.”

“We’ll have to talk to the other Demon Kings about that,” I promised. “Maybe when all is said and done, we can have a highway that stretches all the way from the Hunter’s Plains to Lucifer’s Castle itself.”

“Lucifer doesn’t live in a castle,” Eclipse spoke up in a deep, somber tone, “he lives in a deep, dark cave. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. Lucky bastard.”

“No, no,” Libidine interjected, “Lucifer has no dwelling. His true form is far too large for any physical structure.”

“You’re both wrong,” Eligor scoffed from the other side of the dinghy. “Lilith has told me he lives in a palace made of dark crystal.”

“Hold up, Goldilocks,” Todd said as he made a motion with his hands, “you’re telling me Lucifer’s palace is full of freaky-looking muppets?”

“No, Todd,” I facepalmed, “she just means it’s built out of crystal that is black. Not the literal movie.”

“Thank fuck,” Todd shuddered, “I can handle demons and murderous bear creatures and assassins and that shit, but those fucking Skeksis? Nooooo way, bro.”

“Sia? Gula?” Eligor prompted the other members of the task force, “you guys have any guesses?”

“I cannot say I’ve ever talked about Lucifer’s dwelling,” Sia admitted, “but I’d imagine it’s probably a castle, just like all the rest of the Demon Kings.”

“Maybe it’s an igloo?” Gula suggested. “Isn’t the Ninth Circle supposed to be full of ice and snow?”

“They’re all wrong,” a silver-tongued voice announced from just off the side of the boat. “I live in a Malibu-style mansion. The Ninth Circle always has such good weather … ”

I whipped my head around toward the source of the voice and grimaced when I saw him.

He was there, in his red velvet three-piece suit, with his slicked-back black hair and chiseled features that looked like they’d been carved out of marble. He was walking on top of the water right next to the boat, and I was sure the irony wasn’t lost on the bastard.

It was Lucifer, my father.

And, just like all the other times, it didn’t look like anyone else could see or hear him.

“He’s trying to get inside your head … ” I whispered to myself as I tried to ignore his illusion.

“What’s the matter, son?” Lucifer asked slyly. “You’ve never been one to be at a loss for words. Aren’t you glad to see your pops? You should be grateful, you know. Most of my other children never got to see me until the day I put them out of their misery.”

I could hear the rest of my friends all laughing and talking happily, but it was little more than a dull drone as I tried to push everything out of my head. I bowed my head and closed my eyes as I tried to shake off the illusion.

“You’re not real,” I growled as quietly as I could. “You’re not really here.”

Suddenly, I felt a hand gently grab my hair and lift my head up. My eyes lifted with it, and soon I was face-to-face with the silver-tongued bastard.

He had a look of pure deviousness on his face, including a devilish smile and red eyes that looked like they were lit by pure Hellfire.

“Oh, I’m real, Jacob,” the Devil warned, “and don’t forget I’m always watching. Always making sure my beloved little boy is on the right path. But you’ve been straying from that path, my son … I feel like I don’t need to explain what happens if you go too far off.”

“Watch me,” I said with pure vitriol in my voice.

“Oh, I will,” Lucifer said with a gleeful chuckle. “Have fun on your little vacation. I can’t wait to see what you do with the Sixth Circle. Gressil’s whole ‘flaming tombs of fire’ were so uninspired … ”

I thought about trying to attack the bastard right here and now. However, that would have been a death sentence. If I wasn’t strong enough to take on Beelzebub yet, there was no way in hell I stood a chance against the King of Hell himself. Besides, this was probably just one of his projections.

It wasn’t worth the effort.

“Jakey?” Todd’s voice cut through the tension. “You alright? You look like you just walked in on your parents patchin’ the hatchet wound with industrial chalk.”

Lucifer shot me one last wink, and then his body evaporated into a hiss of gray mist.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Sia asked cautiously.

“Who?” Eclipse questioned as she looked around in all directions. “There’s nobody there.”

“His father,” Sia explained grimly. “Lucifer was just here.”

“Here, in this boat?” Eligor gasped. “Impossible.”

“Apparently, he only reveals himself to Jacob,” Sia continued. “He wouldn’t be caught dead socializing with any of us succubi.”

“That didn’t seem to be a problem when he was pretending to be Plato,” Gula scoffed. “He was very friendly with us then.”

“All part of the facade, I’m afraid,” Eligor sighed. “What a shame he only appears to you, Jacob. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to meet Lucifer.”

“Don’t,” I warned. “He’s a lying, manipulative bastard who loves to play mind games. Every second you spend in his presence just sends you deeper into the spiral.”

“Sounds like my ex,” Todd joked in a Rodney Dangerfield voice. “At least with Lucifer, I bet you didn’t have to worry about catching him in bed with the dude from Geek Squad who was supposed to be fixing his router.”

“I guess not,” I chuckled at the imp’s attempt to break the somber mood, “but I am serious about not interacting with this guy. Nothing good can come of it.”

“What did he say?” Libidine spoke up. “It must have been something truly important if he came all the way out here to the Sixth Circle to talk to you.”

“Not really,” I sighed, “he told me he was always watching, and that I needed to be careful not to stray too far off ‘the path.’”

The color seemed to drain from Eligor’s face as she listened to my story.

“So, does that mean … he knows Lilith is on your side?” she asked in a horrified tone.

“He has to,” I shrugged, “if he’s been watching, then that means he knows everything.”

“Even your ‘master plan?’” Gula gasped. “If he knows that, why the hell are any of us still alive?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “my father works in mysterious ways.”

“Unless … ” Sia trailed off in horror. “This is what he wants us to do.”

“You think he wants us to try and overthrow him?” Eligor retorted. “Highly unlikely.”

“Perhaps he wants us to try,” Sia pondered aloud. “Perhaps he thinks we will fail, but he wants us to do his dirty work before he kills us.”

“That does sound awful Lucifer-esque,” Eligor admitted. “But why would he want us to kill off his other Demon Kings? They’ve been loyal to him for millennia.”

“That’s the question of the hour,” Sia sighed.

“Maybe you could like, I dunno, ask him next time?” Eclipse suggested. “I’ve met plenty of smooth talkers in my day, and the quickest way to cut through their bullshit is by getting straight to the point.”

“Maybe I’ll try that next time,” I shook my head, “but right now, we need to try and focus on the mission ahead. And on figuring out a way to keep him from eavesdropping in on every conversation.”

“What is the mission again, Jakey?” Todd asked innocently. “Like, I totally remember, but I think the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo over there totally forgot.”

Eclipse shot the imp a dirty look, but he completely ignored it.

“We’re going to scope out the Sixth Circle, secure it, and then move on to the Seventh,” I repeated the objectives for the hundredth time.

“But, uhhhh, how are we securing the Sixth Circle?” the imp continued, completely clueless. “Isn’t Green Goblin already outta there? Again, I totally get why we’re doing it, but, ya know, Lizbeth … ”

“You joke,” Eclipse shot back, “but I take that comparison as a compliment.”

“We have to clear out any of the remaining forces Gressil left behind,” I explained. “Even if he completely abandoned the Circle himself, there’s no way he just left it empty.”

“And even if he did,” Libidine added, “he wouldn’t have messed with any of the Shades or demons who are locked away in the brimstone tombs. If we could liberate some of them, perhaps we could grow our forces even more.”

“Right, yeah,” Todd mused. “See, Lizbeth? It’s totally a simple plan.”

Eclipse rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was somewhat charmed by Todd’s antics. It took most of the new succubi a bit of time before they fully got used to the imp, but they always came around to him in the end.

After a few more minutes of traveling, we came to the waterfall of pure Hellfire that separated the Fifth and Sixth Circles.

Or, at least, the spot that used to house the deadly gateway between the two domains.

King Mephisto must have felt it didn’t fit in with his aesthetics, so he had it modified. Now, there was a massive, aqueduct-like structure that funneled the deadly liquid Hellfire off to each side and into the blue water below. It appeared to be built out of traditional brimstone, but it was then painted white to resemble the Greek temples of old. The red flames trickled down the sides of the structure and then sizzled as they struck the waves and evaporated into little more than hot steam.

The air around us was now completely dense with the thick mist, and I could even feel the damp warmth of the evaporated water beading on my skin.

Thankfully, this new addition meant we didn’t need to part the waterfall like we’d always done before. Instead, the large, swirling portal of green Hellfire stared us right in the face.

I summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, pointed in the direction of the gateway, and commanded the ship to set sail.

We passed through the interdimensional portal without incident, and our bodies felt weightless as we traveled through space and time. Finally, our boat plopped down in the water of the Sixth Circle, and I quickly realized we were no longer in the perfect utopias we had attempted to create in the Fifth and Fourth Circles.

The sky was blood red as far as the eye could see, and the landscape was about as desolate as the Sahara Desert. The ground was completely sandy, with only the occasional dead plant or rock jutting out of the ground and brimstone tombs that looked like a set of scattered dominoes.

Most importantly, however, the place was empty.

“Maybe Gressil really did take all of his resources and leave,” Eligor noted as we drew closer to the shore of the river.

“Where the fuck do we even begin?” Eclipse pondered as she looked over the desolate horizon. “There’s got to be thousands of these tombs. There’s no way we can open them all by ourselves.”

“We don’t have to,” Eligor explained. “My mistress has informed me there is a spot in the Sixth Circle where the more … high profile heretics were locked away. We can open those to begin with and then have them lead the effort in opening up the rest.”

“If they swear their allegiance to us,” I reminded the knight. “If they don’t, I’m not going to fuck around. I’ll kill them right on the spot.”

“What about them being Shades?” Sia asked. “They technically cannot be killed.”

“Then they go right back into the tomb where they belong,” I explained. “With a big note in both English and Latin on the front that says ‘do not open’ or something like that.”

“Dark, but I like it,” Todd mused. “Kinda a ‘give me loyalty or give me death’ sorta situation.”

“Liberty,” I corrected the imp. “I’m pretty sure Patrick Henry said ‘give me liberty or give me death.’”

“Pfffft,” Todd scoffed with a wave of his hand, “loyalty, liberty … same thing.”

“It’s actually not,” Gula interjected, “it’s actually the total opposite.”

“We were liberated from Earl and Azazel,” Sia explained, “we are loyal to Jacob. They are polar opposites, Todd.”

“Well, shit,” he announced with a tone of discovery, “no wonder I flunked outta sophomore history class. Then again, I was totally okay with it. Mrs. Carter was a babeasaurous rex. I wouldn’t have minded getting a little bit of ‘extra credit’ from her, if you get my drift.”

“Of course we get it,” Eclipse said with a raised eyebrow, “you’re not exactly being subtle--”

“I totally would let her ring my Liberty Bell,” Todd interrupted with a snicker, “I woulda stormed her beaches. Let her see my Tricky Dick. Maybe even shown her the ‘ol Homo Erectus. I said ‘extra credit’ earlier, but what I really meant was I wanted to get a bunch of extra clit-it.’”

“We get it, bro,” I shook my head as the dinghy bumped against the sandy shore, “you wanted to bang our teacher. But seriously, how did you fail if you remember all that shit even now?”

“Because I had to take the class a second time,” Todd shot back, “duh, bro.”

The group exited the dinghy, pulled it up far enough onto the shore so it didn’t float away, and then turned toward the horizon.

“So, where is this area of ‘special’ heretics?” I asked Eligor.

“It’s called the Graveyard of the Dissenters,” the blonde knight explained, “it’s all the way to the far east of the Sixth Circle, in the one area where plant life actually flourishes.”

“Lead the way, then.” I smiled at the woman before I stepped aside, bowed, and held out my hand.

Eligor shook her head and chuckled before she sprouted her wings from her back and then took to the sky.

There was a lightshow of purple as the rest of the succubi called on their own wings, except for Sia who was carried by Gula, jumped up into the air, and then joined Eligor.

“I’ll get Jacob!” Libidine called out rather aggressively, almost as if she wanted me all to herself.

Before anyone could say another word, the Sister of Lust swooped down, threw her hands under my armpits, and then lifted me up into the sky.

“I dunno what other Hellfire powers you can unlock, bro,” Todd observed as he flew up next to me, “but we gotta figure out how to get you flying. I’m sure the girls don’t really like being your free taxi service.”

“I actually don’t mind,” Libidine admitted, “it gives me a good bicep workout, and it allows me to press my body firmly up against Jacob’s, which is something I’ll never say ‘no’ to.”

“Suit yourself,” Todd shrugged, “but the Toddster’s not getting in on the action. I may have the schlong of a horse, but I’m still more of a compact model. It’d be like trying to Uber with a fucking clown car, bro.”

“Follow me,” Eligor called out as she scanned the landscape to our right.

The Knight of Hell took off in a flash, and the rest of us were right behind her. We soared over the desolate plains as the dry, brisk wind whipped against our faces, and after about twenty minutes of flight, Eligor finally pointed to a dark patch off in the distance.

“There!” she shouted. “That’s the Graveyard of Dissenters.”

As we got closer, I realized this place was basically the equivalent of an oasis in this vast, barren wasteland of Hell. Lush, overgrown green grass rose up from the sandy ground, and each of the tombs were covered by a series of leafy vines.

There were a number the tombs spread out across the graveyard, but here they were much more organized. The sarcophaguses were laid out, one-by-one, in rows of ten, and at the very center of it all sat a large fountain that seemed to be spewing Hellfire in place of water.

Even stranger, large trees sprouted from the ground that reminded me of the honey locusts back in my hometown. They must have been at least fifty feet tall, with dark green leaves and branches that outstretched in every which way. However, what made these trees stand apart were their vines. Each one was a dark shade of crimson, and they all were covered with large thorns that would easily rip the flesh from the bone if somebody was dumb enough to fall onto them.

When we got a little bit closer, I let out a gasp of surprise.

“Are my eyes playing tricks on me,” I asked Libidine as we approached the Graveyard of Dissenters, “or are the vines on that tree moving?”

“Those would be Lacerating Lamphs,” Eligor warned over the sound of the wind. “Stay as far away from them as you can.”

“Sister Ira loves those things,” Libidine giggled as she began to descend, “but I wouldn’t want to be caught anywhere near them when they start to flail around.”

“At least Sia is here to heal us up,” I noted with a chuckle.

“Sister Superbia can only do so much,” the dark-haired succubus’ tone turned serious as we finally landed in the grass. “She can’t really heal you if your head and spine have been torn out of your body.”

“Lacerating Lamphs are no joke,” Eclipse added as she walked over to our position, “I once saw my former master use one of those things to torture his Shades. They ended up as mangled heaps of ripped muscle, torn flesh, and broken bones. But you wanna know the worst part? Since they were immortal Shades, they’re still alive to this day, stuck in their tortured current form since their mangled bodies aren’t given the chance to heal.”

“Fucking brutal,” I shuddered as I watched the tree’s spiny vines curl up around one of its branches. “What the hell are they doing here, though?”

“I’ll give you three guesses,” Eligor joked as she pointed to the trunk of the Lacerating Lamph.

There, tucked away in the shade of the deadly tree, were three black brimstone tombs.

“Those things are holding Gressil’s stash of nudie mags?” Todd guessed, completely proud of himself.

“N-No … ” Eligor sighed, somewhat taken aback by the imp’s comment. “I’m just saying those must be important prisoners. Why else would they be tucked away underneath a tree that could literally rip the flesh from our bones?”

“Maybe they ran outta room?” Todd suggested with a shrug, “you know there’s a real crisis up on Earth with the cemetery industry. They’re totally running out of space to bury all the bodies our planet is producing, Goldilocks. Soon, we’re probably gonna see mandatory cremation or some shit like that and, I dunno about you, but I don’t want my body melted down into cream and fed to the fucking cows. Nuh-uh. The Toddster is not gonna become a cow fart when he dies.”

“Is that what you think cremation is?” Sia questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, what else could it possibly mean?” Todd retorted without missing a beat. “I mean, ‘cream’ is right there in the name, Strawberry Shortcake.”

“Cremation is when you burn a body into ash,” Eclipse explained.

“Pfffffftttt,” the imp scoffed, “it ain’t called ‘Ashmation,’ is it? Get real, Lizbeth … ”

The tattooed succubus just rolled her eyes and then turned back to the sprawl of sarcophaguses.

“Well, which ones do we try first?” she pondered aloud. “These are all supposed to be the biggest heretics in history, right? Surely there are some good allies around here somewhere.”

“Only one way to find out,” Eligor admitted as she strutted up to the first tomb, bent down, and squinted at the carvings written on it. “Huh. It says that in life, this person was a devout man of faith. I wonder why he’s locked away with the rest of the heretics … ”

Without another word, Eligor stood up straight, unsheathed her swords, and stabbed the tips of the blades into the crevice between the lid of the coffin and its base. The knight of Hell grunted as she tried to pry off the top, but nothing seemed to happen.

Finally, Gula stepped forward.

“Let me help you with that,” she announced and then summoned brown Hellfire into her hands.

The Sister of Gluttony took a power stance, thrust out her hands, and engulfed Eligor with her boosting spell. The second the dark flames touched the blonde woman, she suddenly seemed to turn into the Hulk.

Eligor let out a primal roar of determination as she pushed down on the hilts of her swords, and the top of the sarcophagus flew off with the velocity of a jet plane. Then the Knight of Hell stepped back, sheathed her swords, and awaited the person inside to emerge.

Suddenly, a large, bearded man popped out of the tomb, still ablaze with red Hellfire. He leapt over the side, smashed into the ground, and rolled around like a maniac as he shrieked in pain. Finally, when the flames were out, he slowly pulled himself back to his feet, and we could see him in all his glory.

He was a pleasantly plump dude, with a dark red chest piece studded with white jewels all throughout. Over this, he wore an overcoat with large, rounded shoulders that made his arms look like two giant turkey legs jutting out from his shoulders. On his lower half, he wore a pair of brown tights and a codpiece almost three times the size of my fist.

However, the dead giveaway was the hat atop his head.

It was a black, circular hat that came just an inch or two off his skull. On top of the whole thing was a large white feather, and I instantly recognized this guy from my history textbooks.

“Henry the fucking Eighth,” I sighed, “of course he was the ‘godly man’ who was considered a heretic.”

“Thank you for removing me from mine ungodly fate.” Henry nodded as he brushed a bit of ash off his shoulder. “Why, I hath been betrothed to that dreadful place for, well, an inconceivable number of sunsets.”

“Uhhhhh, does he know English, bro?” Todd whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

“I speaketh Englysh!” Henry protested. “What foreign tongue doth yee speaketh?”

“English, my man,” the imp shot back. “Like, real English.”

“Nonsense,” the man scoffed. “You speak with the tongue of an imbecile.”

“Alright,” Todd grumbled as he walked forward and pretended to roll up his sleeves, “you’re goin’ back in the tomb.”

“Hold up, Todd,” I said as I threw up a small wall of Hellfire to block the imp. “We could use somebody like him.”

“Why the fuck do we want a dude who killed six of his wives?” Todd protested. “That’s doesn’t exactly scream ‘good decision maker,’ bro.”

“Why doth everyone keep harking on that?” the former king sighed. “There was more to mine life than the fate of my barren wives.”

“Uhhhh, I’m pretty sure you were shootin’ blanks, bro,” Todd argued, “like, you must have been trying to fire syrup through a squirt gun.”

“Henry the Eighth was a great military leader,” Superbia explained to the rest of the group. “He could easily be a good figurehead for the Shades of the Sixth Circle to rally around.”

“I would be honored to serveth the ones whom freed me from my woeful agony,” Henry promised. “Just inform me on what I should undertake, and I shall make haste.”

“Well,” I explained, “we’re gonna open a bunch more of these sarcophaguses and release all the Shades inside of them. Once that happens, I want you to take them around the Sixth Circle and open up as many of these damn things as you possibly can, and by whatever means necessary.”

Henry gave me a feminine curtsey, and Todd burst out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

“Then that doth be what I shall do,” the former king agreed as he shot a dirty look at the imp.

We spent the next hour or so going around and popping open the rest of the tombs in the Graveyard of Dissenters. Much to our dismay, almost all of the brimstone sarcophagi were filled with just average Shades. They were all from different time periods of history, and each of them seemed to be fairly important figures in their own time. Every single one of them thanked us for saving them and then pledged their allegiance to our cause.

However, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by the fact that there were no demons in these things. We had come here searching for potential new Demon Lords, but there were apparently none to be found.

Unless …

“Who do you think are in those tombs under the Lacerating Lamph?” I asked my team somewhat rhetorically. “Probably some people who are really important, right? Perhaps some powerful demons?”

Eligor grunted as she and Gula popped the lid off the final tomb in our vicinity, and then they both watched as the Egyptian-dressed Shade popped out and celebrated his freedom.

“Jacob … ” Sia warned, “I know what you are thinking. It’s not worth the risk.”

“Of course it’s worth the risk,” I retorted. “Lilith says we’re not strong enough to take on Beelzebub yet. I count three tombs under that tree. If all three of them contain a demon who could potentially be brought on as a Demon Lord, that’s going to make us all the more powerful.”

“I dunno, bro,” Todd mused as he watched the Lamph move around gracefully, “I remember what happened when Harry and his friends tried to go through the Whomping Willow. I’m not letting my broomstick get broken, if you know what I mean.”

“We have to try,” I shrugged, “if not, then--”

“I totally meant my dick, bro,” Todd interjected, “just in case I didn’t make it clear.”

“Right,” I rolled my eyes, “what I was saying was we need to have all of these tombs liberated eventually. We could try to make the Shades do it, but that would just cause needless suffering and could put these guys as close to death as they could possibly get. I don’t want to do that.”

“Sooooo, we’re gonna risk our necks instead?” Todd questioned. “I’m not one to doubt you, Jakey, but that seems kinda crazy.”

“What else is new?” I shrugged and then turned back to look at all the freed Shades.

They had all gathered behind Henry as they chattered and praised whatever deity they worshipped for their freedom. The Shades quieted down, though, when they saw me approaching their position.

“Alright, my friends,” I announced to the group, “my name is King Ralston of the Fourth Circle. You are free now, but I have one thing I ask of you in return for your emancipation … I want you to free your brethren. Follow Henry here--”

“The dude with the totally-realistic codpiece,” Todd interjected.

“Right,” I rolled my eyes, “follow Henry and liberate the rest of this Circle’s Shades. Gressil has fled this place, and as soon as he is taken care of, the Sixth Circle will be under new leadership. We’re going to make this place a paradise in Hell, but to do that, we need all hands on deck. Now, who’s ready to take back the Sixth Circle of Hell?”

The Shades responded with a resounding wave of hoots and “yeahs.”

“My companions,” Henry announced as he raised his hands above his head, “go forth, and liberate!”

The rest of the Shades cheered as they ran off toward the horizon and scattered. Within a few minutes, they had all disappeared, and the seven of us were left alone with the Lacerating Lamph.

I turned back toward the tree and focused in on the three tombs underneath its deadly limbs.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Libidine said with concern. “Even if we get through the tree, we don’t know what’s inside of those sarcophaguses. What if there’s another demon bear or Leviathan or any other sort of mindless monster that could attack us?”

“We won’t know until we try,” I admitted.

Then I stepped forward, summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, and began to formulate a plan to get around this thing.

We were about to go toe-to-toe with a fucking deadly tree.

Chapter 10

“So, what’s the plan of attack?” Eligor questioned as we stared at the Lacerating Lamph.

“Eclipse,” I called out to the tattooed succubus, “is there any way you could blind it? That way it won’t know where we are.”

“Two problems with that plan,” Eclipse explained, “one, it’s a tree. It might be a sentient, demonic tree, but it’s still a tree. It has no eyes to blind. Second, even if I could blind it, that would just cause it to go into a panic and flail about wildly. At least if it can see us, we can predict when it’s going to attack.”

“Maybe I’m missing something here, Jakey,” Todd noted as he stroked his blond goatee, “but if this thing is only a tree, why can’t we just bukkake the thing with fireballs and then be on our way?”

“That is a metaphor I could have gone my whole life without hearing.” Gula shuddered.

“That wouldn’t work, either,” Eligor stated matter-of-factly. “Naturally, the flora that grow in Hell are much more fire-resistant than the ones you see on Earth Realm. Burning it down is out of the question.”

“Could Firecracker and Lizbeth here go all Paul Bunyan and chop it down with their weapons?” the imp suggested.

“In theory,” Sia spoke up, “but the Lamph would certainly realize what was going on and try to kill them before it perished.”

I turned to Gula and Eclipse and looked at them grimly.

“Do you trust us?” I asked.

“Of course I do,” Gula chuckled, “I’d trust you guys with my life.”

“It sounds like that’s exactly what’s about to happen,” Eclipse mused as she summoned forth her massive naginata with a flash of red Hellfire. “We try to cut this sucker down, and you guys all protect us from its attacks?”

“A fucking protect mission,” Todd groaned, “the only thing worse are the ones where you have to follow somebody and they walk at the speed of a snail who just did a bowl. Fucking Blizzard hacks ruined MMOs!”

“It’s our best option,” I reminded the imp. “We have a shot at gaining three new Demon Lords, and that’s an opportunity I refuse to miss.”

Gula looked nervous for a moment, but she quickly pushed those feelings to the side and summoned her double-sided battle axe into her hands. Then the Sister of Gluttony took a deep breath before she stepped forward to join Eclipse.

“I’m ready whenever you guys are,” she announced.

“Alright, team,” I ordered, “here’s the plan. I’ll use my green and purple Hellfire to block any of the swings it takes in your direction. Eligor, I want you to use your environmental magic to do the same thing. Toss up some rocks or logs or whatever you can find to deflect the attacks. Sia, you hang back and use your black Hellfire to try and freeze this thing’s branches. If any of us get hurt, you can heal us from afar.”

“What about me and Lib, Jakey?” Todd questioned.

“You two get to do what you do best,” I explained, “swoop in, attack, and fly away before the thing can get its hands on you.”

“A fly-by, ehh?” Todd snickered and then surrounded himself with black flames. “I think we can make that happen.”

Todd and Liby floated up into the air, and Eligor, Sia, and I summoned our spells into our hands.

“Are you guys ready?” I asked the two succubi who were about to charge the deadly tree.

“As ready as we ever will be,” Gula admitted and tightened her grip on her axe.

“Then let’s go,” Eclipse growled, “let’s show this evil tree who’s boss. Three … two … one … go!”

Then the two succubi both let out a yell of anger as they charged at the Lacerating Lamph.

The vines on the tree coiled down the trunk and wrapped around its body, but it wasn’t showing any signs of aggression. We all watched cautiously as Eclipse and Gula approached the Lacerating Lamph, but nothing seemed to happen. The two succubi reached the base of the three unscathed and then stared at each other with confusion on their faces.

“Why isn’t it attacking?” I pondered aloud.

“Maybe it’s triggered by touch?” Sia suggested. “Perhaps its enchantment only activates when somebody tries to open the tombs?”

“I’m not gonna take that chance,” I said and then projected my voice, “take it out, guys!”

Gula gave me a thumbs up from afar before she took her axe in her hand, hauled back, and prepared to strike. Eclipse did the same with her naginata, and then I saw her mouth a countdown to her partner. When she got to “one,” they both took a hearty swing and lodged their weapons into the trunk of the Lacerating Lamph.

This time, it noticed.

There was a gargled, inhuman squeal as their blades smashed into the demonic tree, and its limbs began to flail about as if it were going into shock.

“Todd, Liby, go!” I commanded, and my friends took to the sky.

No sooner had they gotten above the tree did a tangle of spiny vines lash out at them. Todd’s small figure allowed him to zip in and out between the deadly vines with ease, and Libidine was agile enough to dodge the incoming snare.

Meanwhile, a bunch of more vines shot down at Eclipse and Gula.

I tossed out a shield of purple right above Eclipse’s head seconds before the deadly brambles would have wrapped around her neck. The vines bounced off with a dull thud, and the succubus let out a gasp of shock.

Luckily, Eclipse was able to compose herself quickly, and she yanked her naginata out of the trunk in a single heave. As she removed the blade of the weapon, a bright orange liquid shot out of the wound, splashed across the tattooed succubus’ body, and covered her from head to toe. Eclipse let out another gasp as a second vine shot down and was caught inches above her head by Sia’s black Hellfire. Then the dark-haired woman hauled back and brought the naginata’s blade straight back into the Lacerating Lamph.

The tree let out another shriek of pain as even more orange liquid splashed onto the ground.

On the other side of the trunk, Gula was making small, hurried chops with her battle axe. Each strike with her weapon produced a tiny spray of orange liquid, but it didn’t seem to faze the Sister of Gluttony.

Meanwhile, the vines that tried to strike her were being held off by another set of vines that arose from the ground and were engulfed by Eligor’s lime green spell.

Suddenly, a vine nearly three times the thickness of the rest sprouted from the base of the tree and shot up directly at Gula’s face. It had a deadly spike on the tip, and the succubus cringed as she awaited her fate.

Luckily, I was quick on the draw.

I tossed out a portal of green Hellfire in front of the vine’s trajectory, and it passed through harmlessly.

At least, harmlessly for us.

I forced the spiny tendril to reappear right in front of the trunk itself, and with the momentum of the appendage, it was too late to be stopped.

The large spike of the vine hit the trunk of the Lacerating Lamph with a fleshy thunk, and the tree went ballistic. It let out another vicious hiss as its leaves all stood on end, and it began to tremble like an unlevel washing machine. It slowly pulled its chunky vine out of its trunk, and a literal gallon of orange blood-sap poured out onto the grass.

Eclipse and Gula increased the pace of their swings, and they were both about halfway through the base of the thing.

However, the Lacerating Lamph was done playing games.

This time, seven deadly vines shot down onto Eclipse and Gula on each side.

I double wielded my green and purple flames and threw up as many protective spells as I possibly could. I couldn’t defend against all of them at the same time, but I could use the tree’s own attacks against itself.

Two of the vines passed through the emerald portal and then reappeared horizontally in the path of the other incoming tendrils. In one fell swoop, I engulfed the vines with green Hellfire, forced them to tie themselves around the next three vines, and then tossed the entire package back up into the branches of the tree. At the same time, I threw out two purple shields to deflect the other vines.

“This thing is stronger than it looks,” Sia grunted as she tried to hold back three of the vines on Eclipse’s side of the tree.

The other four tendrils were being kept at bay by Eligor, Todd, and Liby, but it looked like none of our solutions would be permanent.

Gula and Eclipse got a few more good whacks in before the tree began to tremble and roar with the fury of a thousand pissed off hornets. Suddenly, the ground beneath us began to quake, and I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“Guys, retreat!” I called out to my friends.

“We’ve almost got it!” Gula protested, but I wasn’t going to play games.

“That’s an order!” I repeated. “Get over here right now!”

My friends took to their wings, Sia was picked up by Eclipse, and they all zipped back over to where I was standing. The second they were within my proximity, I summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, made a square pattern, and formed a giant cube of violet flames around us.

“What gives, Jakey?” Todd asked in a huff. “We were totally kicking that thing’s ass.”

Before I even had a chance to respond, the roots of the tree sprang forth from the ground. There were four of them, and they each were nearly five feet wide and equally as spiny as the vines that had been attacking us before. The Lacerating Lamph lifted its roots into the air and then brought them down on our position as a single, wooden club.

The impact from the blow knocked us all off our feet, but my barrier still held.

The tree struck us three more times with its massive roots, and I could tell I was beginning to feel fatigue. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep this up.

We needed to end this right now.

As I inspected the Lacerating Lamph for any sort of weakness, I noticed Eclipse had nearly taken out its entire left side, all the way down to the halfway point of the trunk.

That was our ticket.

“Gula,” I ordered as I turned to the Sister of Gluttony, “I need you to give Liby and me a boost. Liby, we’re going to use our telekinetic flames to finish this fucker off. I’ll have to release my protective spell, so we’ll only have a split second to make this happen.”

“I-I don’t know if I can--” Libidine began to protest, but I cut her off.

“You can do anything, Liby,” I reassured her, “you’re my Demon Lord.”

“Okay, Jacob.” Libidine’s expression slowly turned from one of being distraught to one of determination. Then she summoned green Hellfire into her hands, turned so she was facing the Lacerating Lamph, and prepared to attack.

“One boost, coming right up,” Gula promised, and then I felt my body being surrounded by a dull, tingling sensation.

Gula’s brown Hellfire was powering me up.

The tree raised its deadly roots into the air once again and left itself open. This was it. If we fucked this up, all seven of us were going to be impaled or crushed to death. Liby and I only had half a second to take this fucker down, and we had to make it count.

“Now!” I commanded as I switched out my purple Hellfire for green.

Liby and I both unleashed a beam of green flames directly into the trunk of the tree, and it was encased by our emerald spell.

“Force it to the left!” I ordered the Sister of Lust, and we both swept our hands to the side in unison.

There was a loud, abrupt cracking noise from the trunk of the tree as a massive fissure ran up its base. The Lacerating Lamph let out an ear-shattering shriek of pain as it splintered, but we weren’t done yet.

“Pull it in separate directions, Jacob!” Libidine called out.

I listened to the succubus as I commanded my emerald flames to yank the tree to the right. Libidine must have ordered it to move to the left, because the massive trunk of the tree was torn in half.

Geysers of the orange, bloody sap spilled out onto the ground below as the two halves of the Lacerating Lamph were tossed to the side. Its roots wobbled in the air for a moment before they went limp and smashed into the ground beside us harmlessly. The environment around us went dead silent as the leaves on the two halves of the tree withered and fell of their branches, almost as if the life itself was drained out of the tree.

The Lacerating Lamph was no more.

“I never thought I’d say this,” Gula sighed as she fluttered over and landed on top of one of the remaining tombs, “but that tree was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever fought.”

“The Whomping Willow ain’t got nothing on the Evil Dead tree, Firecracker,” Todd scoffed. “At least this thing didn’t try to have its way with us first. That’d take diverticulitis to a whole new level …”

“Ughhhh,” Eligor groaned and gagged at the same time. “That’s vulgar, even for you.”

“I know,” the imp snickered, “I’m so proud of myself.”

“Alright, alright,” I chuckled as I tried to get everyone to settle down. “Now that the tree is out of the way, let’s get some of these tombs open. Eligor, do you have any suggestions on which one should go first?”

The knight in the scale-male bikini wandered over to the sarcophagus furthest away from us. Then she bent down, inspected the Inferoglyphs intensely, and shrugged.

“It’s hard to say,” she admitted, “this one is somewhat cryptic, all it says is inside is a wise demon who was ‘too wise for his own good.”’

“I don’t know what that means,” I admitted, “but we’ve kinda been missing the whole ‘wise, grumpy dude’ from our group since Gamigin turned on us. Let’s pop this baby open and see what’s inside. Gula?”

The redheaded succubus quickly summoned brown Hellfire into her hands and tossed its warm glow around my body. Instantly, I felt myself growing stronger, and the Hellfire inside my body burned with the intensity of a dragon’s breath.

I called forth my green flames, tossed them around the black tomb, and felt the weight of the brimstone as I slowly lifted the lid off the sarcophagus. Even with my enhanced strength, this shit felt like it weighed a million pounds. Finally, I gave it one last heave, and the giant slab of stone crashed into the ground with a wet thud.

Smoke and red Hellfire erupted from the tomb like a volcano, and then the shadow of a figure emerged from the smoke. The demon was wearing a loose-fitting robe that draped off his lanky arms like a melting marshmallow, and he stretched vigorously before he placed his hands on the sides of the tomb and pulled himself up.

As the demon appeared through the smoke, his aesthetic became clearer. He had a head shaped like a human’s, but his face was protruded out with a bovine muzzle, and his teeth stuck so far out of his mouth I was worried he would bite his own lip off if he wasn’t careful. His robes were a dark red, with black inferoglyphs engraved all over them. The demon wore a pair of round glasses on the bridge of his nose, and he adjusted them as he slunk out of the tomb and toward our position with the speed of a snail.

“To whom do I owe the pleasure?” the chalky white demon questioned with sage-like grace.

“Jacob Ralston,” I announced as regally as I could, “but you can call me King Ralston, King of the Fourth Circle and Succubus Lord.”

The demon raised his eyebrow at me curiously.

“Succubus Lord and King?” he questioned. “Aren’t those two contradictory? Also, what happened to Azazel?”

“Azazel is dead,” Superbia explained. “So is Baphomet, and Gressil will be gone soon, too. Things are changing around here, all thanks to King Ralston.”

“I see,” the scholarly demon mused as he rubbed his rounded chin. “Much has happened since I was locked in that tomb by Lucifer ten thousand years ago.”

“Lucifer put you in there?” I gasped. “I thought Gressil was the only one who locked people in these things?”

“That explains why these three tombs were so heavily guarded,” Eligor contemplated, “these are the prisoners Lucifer really did not want to escape.”

“Yeesh,” Todd whistled. “What’d you do to get under the Prince of Darkness’ skin so bad, Lambchop?”

The demon scowled at Todd and let out a verbal scoff.

“Ziminiar,” he corrected, “my name is Ziminiar. And I still don’t see myself as being in the wrong. I was once the great scribe of Hell, the demon who stood at the side of Lucifer and wrote down all of his plights and the history of the land he called his domain. But, as you could probably guess, Lucifer does not like to be contradicted. I publicly spoke out against one of his battle strategies, and he had me condemned to this tomb for all eternity.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “that bastard’s got an ego ten times the size of Texas.”

“You’ve interacted with Lucifer?” Ziminiar said as he leaned forward and stared intensely into my eyes. “You? A new Demon King who congregates with succubi?”

“Well, Jakey is the Luke of this story,” Todd added, “which I totally hope means we get to see Lucifer’s true form one last time as he dies in Jakey’s arms. I just hope my best bro doesn’t have to lose a hand and almost accidentally commit incest to get there. Also, I’m like Han, the handsome and roguish scoundrel who guides Luke on the path while picking up all the choice women.”

“You are more like Jar-Jar,” Liby sighed.

“What?” Todd gasped.

“You know,” Liby cleared her throat. “All cute and lovable.”

“Ohh, yeahhhh,” Todd said after he pondered Liby’s words for a moment. “All the girls wanna buy the Jar-Jar toy. That’s why it always sold out.”

“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” Ziminiar sighed.

“Oh, right,” the imp retorted, “I suppose Disney hasn’t gotten their tentacles into the flaming tombs quite yet. What I’m trying to say is that Lucifer is Jakey’s father.”

I could see Todd’s words processing behind Ziminiar’s dark, pupil-less eyes. His expression was a mixture of intrigue, skepticism, and confusion, but he finally spoke up after a few seconds.

“So, you are a Nephilim?” he asked. “Lucifer’s Nephilim? I’ve never met one of you before. He always killed them before they could become a threat to his throne.”

“Welp, for some reason I’m still here.” I shrugged.

“It’s because his mom is a milfasaurus rex,” Todd whispered loudly to the demon scholar.

“Who I am or how I got to where I am isn’t important,” I noted, “all that matters right now is a question. Will you, Ziminiar, scholar and historian of Hell, join my ranks? We could use an advisor with your experience, and I sure as hell could use more Demon Lords on my side.”

“Demon Lord?” Ziminiar chuckled and shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t help you there. I’m just a lowly scholar. Nothing more.”

“Not if you join me,” I promised. “I treat all of my demons equally, and I trust them to do what needs to be done. That’s why everyone you see standing before you is currently a Demon Lord.”

For the first time since we’d met him, Ziminiar let go of his serious demeanor, and a warm smile stretched across his face.

“A Demon Lord? Me?” he chuckled. “I suppose I can’t turn down an offer as good as that one. Not to mention, helping the son of Lucifer in his conquests is the perfect way to get back at my old boss.”

“That sounds like a ‘yes’ to me!” I exclaimed and outstretched my hand. “Welcome to the team.”

Ziminiar reached out, shook my hand, and adjusted his coke bottle glasses. Then he turned around and plopped down onto the side of his opened tomb.

“Me, a Demon Lord … ” he muttered to himself in disbelief.

“Do you know who are in the other two tombs?” I questioned the scholar. “We’re trying to figure out if we should open them, or if it’s too risky since, well, my father considered them a threat … ”

“One of the tombs was already sealed when I arrived,” Ziminiar explained and pointed to the one a few feet away from his. “That is Caorthannach. It would be wise not to disturb her tomb.”

“Why’s that?” I asked. “Is she hard to control?”

“There’s no female demon you can’t tame with the Power of your Penis, bro,” Todd reassured me with a nod.

“I don’t know what that power is, but I’d imagine you don’t want to use it on Caorthannach,” Ziminiar chuckled. “That would be Jacob’s stepmother. Lucifer’s first and only bride.”

“I dunno, Lamb Chop,” the imp shrugged, “there’s a whole genre of internet videos out there that would say otherwise.”

“Lucifer had a wife?” Eligor gasped. “Lilith has never informed me of this.”

“That’s because she wouldn’t know,” the sheep-faced demon retorted. “Lucifer had me expunge her from all of Hell’s official records.”

“Sounds like a messy divorce,” I admitted, “but that also sounds like the perfect candidate to let out of her tomb and send after my father.”

“Trust me, King Ralston,” Ziminiar warned once more, “Lucifer did not lock her away simply because he grew bored of her company. She was put in there because she wanted to wipe out the entire universe. All of Heaven and Hell, the mortal world, and all worlds in between. And, unlike so many other demons who speak a big game, she actually was powerful enough to do it.”

“Holy fuck … ” I muttered in awe, “so you’re telling me she’s more powerful than Lucifer or the Exalted One? Why don’t we just--”

I reached out toward the tomb, but Ziminiar smacked my hand like I was a small child reaching for a candy bowl.

“I am not afraid to speak out against my King,” he reiterated. “If you release Caorthannach, the universe as we know it will end, and we will all perish along with it. I will advise you against it, King Ralston.”

“I’m with him on this one, Jacob,” Libidine admitted. “If Lilith doesn’t think we’re strong enough to take on Beelzebub, then we would be the equivalent of an ant to this creature.”

It was a hard choice to make. On one hand, this Caorthannach demon could be our trump card against Lucifer. It seemed like she was one of the few creatures in this universe my father feared, and she could help us squash him into a gory paste in no time.

Then again, Liby and Ziminiar had a point. If she really was strong enough to wipe out the entire universe as we knew it, we wouldn’t stand a chance at stopping her.

It wasn’t worth the risk. At least, not right now.

“Alright,” I sighed, “I won’t fuck with that one. Then that just leaves door number three … What does it say, Eligor?”

The blonde knight inspected the inferoglyphs on the final tomb for a few moments, and she mouthed the words to herself as she read them.

“Condemned for his motor mouth,” she chuckled.

“That definitely has to have a double meaning,” Eclipse spoke up, “there’s no way Lucifer locked this demon away in a high-security location just because he talked too much.”

“Well, let’s open it and find out.” I nodded. “Just be on the lookout for fire breath or ectoplasm breath or anything that might shoot out of this guy’s mouth.”

“I’ll get this one, if you don’t mind,” Eclipse begged. “I’ve been meaning to test out my new powers for a while now. Gula, boost me!”

Gula nodded and encased Eclipse’s tattooed body with brown Hellfire. At the same time, the dark-haired succubus summoned roaring black flames into her hands. She clapped them together vigorously and then launched a giant, nebulous blob of black fire over the last tomb.

The blob floated in the air as if it were a blown bubble, but it stopped when it reached the midpoint of the sarcophagus. Then it began to swirl and twist in midair, until it became a tiny black hole.

The black tomb rumbled for a second, and then tiny fragments of the lid began to snap off and disappear into the black flames, one by one. Finally, there was a loud crack, and the entire top of the brimstone sarcophagus snapped off its base and was sucked into the abyss.

Eclipse cancelled her spell, and the air was filled with an eerie silence.

“Maybe somebody already liberated this one?” Eclipse suggested with a shrug.

“That’s impossible,” Ziminiar mused, “it was still sealed. There has to be--”

“Ziminiar, my man!” a high-pitched voice called out from inside the sarcophagus. “Is that really you?”

Instantly, the scholar’s face went slack with horror.

“Oh no … ” he gasped. “Not him. Anyone but him.”

Suddenly, a tiny green demon hopped over the side of the tomb, somersaulted across the ground, and then popped up with his hands in the air as he let out an enthusiastic “tadaa!”

It was like looking into a funhouse mirror. This dude was the spitting image of Todd, only with green skin and black hair.

“Ahhh!” he chuckled and cracked his neck. “After ten thousand years, I’m free. Time to conquer Earth! But seriously, what’s poppin’, my guys?”

Nineties pop culture references? Jesus, this guy really was bizzaro-Todd.

“Hello, Barlos,” Ziminiar sighed, “did Lucifer finally grow tired of your antics?”

“Nah,” the little demon scoffed, “we’re just playing a game. Luci-boy told me if I could stay in that giant box for a few millennia, he’d finally promote me from Court Jester to Master of Ceremonies. But when I heard your voice, Zimmy, I had to come out and say hello.”

“What the fuck is going on?” Eligor whispered to the rest of the group as we watched the scene unfold.

“I dunno,” Todd hissed, “but I don’t like this dude. Never trust somebody who can’t call you by your real name, Goldilocks.”

Eligor shot Todd an unamused glare, but it was lost on the imp. He was too focused on his bizzaro self to notice.

“Uh, Barlos?” I said as I cleared my throat. “My name is Jacob Ralston. I’m--”

“Ohhhhhh, I know you!” The little imp grinned as he turned and put his hands on his hips proudly. “You’re the son of the milf Lucifer was always talking about. Lucifer likes to come by here every now and again to whisper sweet nothings into my sarcophagus, and he made sure he spared no detail when talking about porking your sexy mamma. Woah mamma!”

“Told you!” Todd exclaimed smugly.

“Right,” I grumbled as I tried to get the conversation away from my mother. “Look, I don’t have time to give you the whole spiel right now, but I’m currently the King of the Fourth Circle, and my allies and I are trying to take over Hell and eventually overthrow Lucifer.”

“What?” The imp’s tone changed as the smile disappeared from his face. “You--You want to kill my master?”

“He locked you in a fucking tomb for all eternity!” I argued. “He has no loyalty to you, why should you have any to him?”

“Because he’s the fucking Prince of Darkness, my man!” Barlos growled. “There is nobody in the universe I’d rather serve than Lucifer.”

“So, I take that as a ‘no?’” I questioned as I wrapped my hand around the hilt of the Unhallowed Sword. “You won’t join us?”

“Is it unwise to wear two condoms?” the imp shot back sarcastically.

“Uh … yes?”

“What? No!” Barlos scoffed and summoned red Hellfire into his hands. “You always gotta double-wrap your package, especially when you’re banging demon chicks!”

The tiny demon tossed out a handful of red fireballs, but I quickly dispelled them with a wave of my glowing purple hand.

This guy was severely underpowered, and I almost felt bad we were going to have to curbstomp him into the ground.

Almost.

Eclipse, Liby, Sia, and Eligor all unleashed their attacks on the fleeing green imp, but he was running at nearly ten times the speed of a normal demon.

Barlos dodged all the attacks acrobatically, flipped up into the air, and took a bite at Eligor.

Luckily, the Knight of Hell was able to get her sword up in time, and all Barlos caught was a mouthful of her blade.

The tiny green demon made a growling sound like a rabid dog as Eligor tried to shake him loose, but he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Get. Off. My. Sword!” the blonde woman roared.

Suddenly, the imp began to move his arms up and down in a quick motion, and he rapidly unleashed fireballs into Eligor as he did so. The attack caused the knight to release her weapon and fly back into the trunk of the fallen Lacerating Lamph.

“Hyakuretsukyaku!” the imp cackled mischievously, and then he began to dart around with the speed of a cat at three in the morning.

“I’ll tend to her!” Sia called out as she ran over to the fallen knight.

“I’m done playing games, bro,” Todd growled. “This fucking casual doesn’t even realize the Hyakuretsukyaku is a kick, not a fucking fireball attack!”

Todd took to the sky as Eclipse, Liby, and I continued our assault on the blur of green in front of us.

Finally, I got an idea. If I couldn’t hit the bastard, I could at least slow him down.

I summoned red Hellfire into one hand and yellow into the other. Then I clapped them together, combined the flames, and launched a series of shuriken into the ground in front of his trajectory.

“Missed me, bitch boy!” Barlos cackled.

No, I didn’t.

I snapped my fingers, and the shuriken began to explode in rapid succession.

The blast caught Barlos off guard, and he was tossed up into the air like a ragdoll. As he tumbled through the sky, Libidine hit him with a handful of glowing yellow darts and sent him careening backwards. The imp’s body tumbled across the grassy landscape violently until it finally came to a halt against one of the empty tombs.

Just then, I heard a rumbling in the sky, and we all looked up to see Todd’s small frame charging straight downward with red Hellfire all around his extended right arm. There was a small pocket of fire all around the front of the imp’s body, almost as if he were a space shuttle re-entering the atmosphere.

“Falcon … Paaaunnnchhhh!” the imp cried out as he landed directly on top of Barlos’ position.

There was a giant flash as a shockwave of red flames shot out in every direction. I tossed up a shield of purple in front to block the wave just before it struck, and I was nearly tossed to the ground from the impact.

The tombs in the immediate vicinity of Todd’s attack cracked, and then the red-skinned imp flipped up into the sky and darted back over beside us.

“I think I got him,” he panted as he landed. “There was enough juice behind that punch to take out a fucking tank, bro.”

“The only thing that could take out is your limp dick, you unkempt, sorry excuse for an imp,” Barlos’ voice exclaimed from the wreckage.

The demon reappeared on top of a nearby tomb and threw his arms out in challenge.

“Excuse me?” Todd shot back. “Oh, no … you might be fast and nearly invincible, bro, but nobody out-jokes the Toddster.”

“Is that a challenge?” Barlos mocked. “Because I’m about to bend you over and rip you a new asshole. No homo.”

“I say ‘no homo,’ you fucking poser!” Todd growled, and then he hovered over to where Barlos was standing. “Jakey, I need you to be my Wilmer Valderrama, bro.”

“Your what?” I asked with absolutely no idea what was going on.

“Ya know, Fez?” Todd retorted as he did a few over the top stretches to get himself nice and loose. “He did that ‘Yo Mama’ show forever ago, and that’s what I need you to do now.”

“That’s not fair, my man,” Barlos shot back, “your buddy over there isn’t a neutral party. Ziminiar, get your sheepy-ass over here! You can be our judge.”

“Is this--Is this really how it’s gonna go down?” Eclipse asked curiously.

“Apparently,” I sighed.

Todd and Barlos were about to have a fucking joke-off.

“Millenia of scholarly research, for this?” Ziminiar grumbled as he hobbled over beside the two imps.

“Aright, it’s a simple game, Lamb Chop,” Todd explained. “We both take turns roasting each other until you decide who had the sickest disses. Loser has to lock themselves in the tomb.”

“I’ll do you one even better,” Barlos laughed, “loser has to commit seppuku.”

“You’re on, bro!” my friend growled as he cracked his knuckles in anticipation. “I’ll be generous. You go first.”

“Fine … ” Barlos shook his head and tried to get into the right frame of mind. “Yo mama so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck!”

“Wow,” Todd shot back. “The last time I heard that one, I fell off my fucking dinosaur.”

“Don’t talk about your mama like that,” Barlos snorted. “What species is she? A triceratops? Because I heard she can take three dicks in her mouth at the same time.”

“That’s not even humanly possible, bro,” Todd scoffed. “At least she keeps it classy, unlike your madre. Did you know she can suck a basketball through a straw? Because I do.”

“Pfffft,” Barlos said with a wave of his hand, “please. Your dick is so small, it probably only tickled her incisors.”

“Alright, I’ll give you that one,” Todd admitted, “but my schlong-a-dong’s bigger than anything you’ve ever seen. Probably bigger than anything you’ve ever taken, too. Tell me, does the skin of your asshole drag on the ground when you walk? Or does it just kinda crinkle up like a scrunchie?”

“You tell me,” Barlos shrugged, “you’re apparently the expert at identifying men’s assholes.”

“I mean, I’m kinda staring at one right now,” my friend reminded him. “Like seriously, if you were any more of an asshole, I think you’d be inside yourself right now.”

“Is that all you’ve got?” Barlos crossed his arms over his chest. “Gay jokes? What fucking year is it?”

“According to the Chinese calendar, it’s the year of the Cock,” Todd retorted, “aka the thing you’re supposed to have instead of the droopy, sad-looking fish diffuser you’ve got down there.”

Ziminiar shook his head, let out a large sigh, and raised his hand above his body.

“I declare the winner is--”

“My man,” Barlos interrupted, “you look like Shaggy fucked Scooby and then tried to drown the baby in the toilet.”

“Ha!” Todd snorted. “Tough talk, coming from a guy who looks the way a colonoscopy smells.”

“Again with the asshole talk!” Barlos shook his head. “You need to get more original, or your guts are gonna be spilled out on this ground, my man.”

“Oh, you want original?” Todd warned. “How about this--Lucifer never loved you. He only kept you around because he wanted to make fun of you, and he got some sort of sick pleasure from watching you be abused.”

“Ouch,” I hissed, and the succubi beside me nodded in sympathy.

“W-Wait … ” Barlos protested as his face fell. “That’s not funny.”

“I think it’s fucking hilarious, bro,” Todd shrugged, “cause you see that dude over there? The one with the brown hair, surrounded by steaming-hot ladies? He keeps me around because we’re bros. Fuck, he even made me a Demon Lord. A Demon Lord, bro! Meanwhile, your ‘master’ is making you torture yourself for hundreds of thousands of years just to get a promotion? And he probably didn’t even mean it. He just wanted to get rid of you, Barfos.”

“Knock it off!” Barlos demanded. “We’re supposed to be roasting each other here!”

“I am roasting you, bro,” Todd grinned, “you’re a loyal imp with a master who hates your fucking guts. It’d be way funnier if it wasn’t so sad.”

“W-Well … your master isn’t even a real demon!” Barlos tried to answer snappily. “He’s just another no-name Nephilim Lucifer will eventually dispose of when he’s done being used as my master’s plaything.”

“At least he’s still in the ‘useful’ stage,” Todd shrugged, “unlike some people in this graveyard.”

Barlos opened his mouth to say something, but Ziminiar stepped in.

“The winner is Todd,” he blurted out before Barlos could respond. “The winner has been Todd for awhile now.”

Barlos looked over at the sheep-faced demon and frowned.

“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” he sighed. “Woulda saved me a lot of breath … Welp, a deal’s a deal, and I trust Zimmy’s judgement. You won, fair and square, Todd. Now, if you’ll excuse me … ”

Before any of us could say another word, the tiny green demon extended one of his claws, stabbed it into his abdomen violently, and then dragged it across his stomach while he screamed bloody murder.

“Bro!” Todd gasped. “I was totally joking about the whole seppuku thing!”

“You what?” Barlos called out, wide-eyed.

But it was too late.

Once he reached the end of the line, Barlo’s lower abdomen opened up like a bursting balloon, and his internal organs splattered out onto the grass with a wet plop. The small demon moaned in agony as he fell down onto his knees, coughed up a mouthful of blood, and then collapsed over into his own viscera. Barlos’ body twitched for a few minutes before it finally stiffened up and went silent.

“Well, uh, holy fuck,” I whistled as I stared at the other imp’s corpse. “That was definitely not something I was expecting to see today. Thank you, Todd.”

“No problem, bro,” Todd cackled as he walked back toward us and brushed his shoulder off cockily. “I don’t like to bust out my god-like roasting powers too much, mostly because they’re so awesome they’ll literally blow your mind, but I’ll make a special exception for you, Jakey. Anytime you need me to toast a bitch, just let me know.”

“I’ll be sure to do that,” I promised with a sigh.

“Well, it looks like this little side quest was worth it, after all,” Libidine spoke up. “Now, you have even more Shades to add to your army, and another Demon Lord who doubles as one of Hell’s smartest entities.”

“But it is still just a side quest,” Eligor reminded me. “This was fun and all, but our main goal is still to get into the Seventh Circle and finish off Gressil once and for all.”

“Gressil is in the Seventh Circle?” Ziminiar mused. “I never would have thought he’d leave the sanctuary of his home. He was never one to go exploring outside the box.”

“Well, that’s where he’s at right now,” I explained, “we’re just trying to find him so we can take him out, crush the Unholy Trinity once and for all, and then officially take over the Sixth Circle. You know, typical Demon King stuff.”

“That’s quite bold of you,” Ziminiar mused. “If there is any way I can be of assistance, please let me know.”

“Well, you’re in luck,” I chuckled as I motioned to the landscape around us. “There is currently an entire Circle of Hell that’s missing its King and all of its Demon Lords, and all of its Shades are going to be free and in need of guidance really soon. I want you to stay here and try to control the chaos. There’s a man named Henry who I put in charge of leading the current Shades, go find him, and then you two can work together to figure out what’s going to happen next with this Circle.”

“And what about you, my King?” Ziminiar asked curiously.

Something about the way the wise, scholarly voice of the demon said “my king” filled me with a deep sense of pride. I couldn’t help but puff out my chest boastfully as I announced my next move.

“As for us?” I grinned. “Next stop, Seventh Circle.”

Chapter 11

“I wonder if the Seventh Circle is gonna be one that’s all fire and brimstone, or if it’ll be one of those that’s all cold and snowy,” Todd pondered as we flew through the blood-red sky of the Sixth Circle, “you’d think Lucifer would have come up with more creative biomes for the place he’d be living in twenty-four seven.”

“That’s actually a myth,” Sia explained as she was carried by Eligor. “Lucifer did not create Hell. The Exalted One did. Lucifer just took it over when he was banished from the Pearly Gates. He doesn’t like being here anymore than you do, I’m afraid.”

“Talk about adding insult to injury.” The imp clicked his tongue. “Honestly, though, I just need to know if I should transform into somebody with a winter coat or not.”

“The Seventh Circle is not cold,” Eligor finally explained. “In fact, it’s the hottest of the Nine Circles by far, and it is one of the most difficult to travel through.”

“My knowledge of The Inferno is kinda shaky,” I admitted, “but isn’t the Seventh Circle the one where there’s three different rings?”

“Unfortunately,” the blonde knight sighed, “but we can take solace in knowing Abbadon never leaves the innermost ring, save for special occasions.”

“I mean, his domain is being invaded by another Demon King,” I reminded her, “I’d say that’s a pretty fucking special occasion.”

“If anything, we may just run into Serpico,” Libidine chuckled. “Wouldn’t that be great, Todd?”

“Hell yeah it would!” the imp agreed. “I totally want to see how this guy keeps a giant version of Al Pacino as a pet.”

The succubi and I all exchanged knowing looks of amusement.

Finally, we arrived at the gateway that would take us to the next Circle.

After we sent Ziminiar away to deal with the Shades, my team set out to the far north of the Sixth Circle, to the place where the interdimensional portal was located. The entire area was desolate, populated only by a singular black tombstone that stuck out like a sore thumb in the open field of sand.

However, there was one element that distinguished this tomb from the rest. It had a large, three-ring puzzle sketched into the front that held the key to unlocking the gateway between the Circles.

There were fragments of inferoglyphs carved into each of the three rings, and they were on rotating discs that allowed you to manipulate them until they were lined up to form the proper words.

According to Eligor, this was supposed to be the easiest part of our journey.

The seven of us landed in front of the single sarcophagus, and then the Knight of Hell instantly got to work. She dashed over to the lid of the tomb, bent over, and began to fiddle with the rotating discs. Eligor worked diligently for a full five minutes, and my eyes were stuck on her tight, thonged ass the entire time.

Finally, there was a click, and the Knight of Hell stood up with gusto.

“Ha!” she announced. “See? Easiest thing we’ve done so far.”

The center of the ring lit up with a bright green Hellfire as the lid of the tomb began to groan and shake. There was the grating sound of stone on stone as the sarcophagus opened on its own, and then we were greeted with an intense green light.

There in the tomb, where there would normally be deadly fire, was a swirling, emerald, interdimensional portal.

That was our ticket into the Seventh Circle.

“I’ll go first,” I announced as I stepped forward and placed my hand firmly on the side of the tomb. “We don’t know what’s waiting on the other side of this thing, and I don’t want you guys to get hurt.”

“We’ll be right behind you, Jacob,” Libidine reassured me. “Just be careful. We don’t want you to get hurt, either.”

I gave my friends an understanding nod, and then I turned around, threw my legs up over the open sarcophagus, and let them dangle above the interdimensional portal. Finally, I took a deep breath and pushed myself off the edge.

My body became weightless as I passed through the glowing emerald Hellfire, and the world went black along with my mind.

Then I smelled it.

There was the distinct stench of metal, and it was wafting through the air at levels that made me want to gag. Worst of all, it smelled hot, almost as if somebody had taken a giant bag of pennies and then melted them down to make a giant fucking candle.

When I opened my eyes, I was standing on ground made up of slimy bright orangish-brown rocks. There wasn’t a single completely even patch of land, chunks of the rocky material jutted out in jagged patterns every few feet, and it created a landscape both natural and chaotic.

Limestone. I was standing on limestone.

When I finally turned around and saw the source of the iron scent, my heart dropped into my gut.

All throughout the Seventh Circle, as far as my eye could see, there was a winding river of red liquid. It was bubbling intensely as it rushed downstream, and I could hear gurgled screams pop up every now and again.

It was a river of boiling blood.

“Stay alert, Jacob,” Sia warned as she suddenly appeared beside me. “The outer ring is the place where murderers and those who are most attuned to violence are sentenced to be tormented. We may encounter some aggressive Shades in this place.”

“We’ll be careful,” I promised.

“You’ll be dead!” Todd snickered as he appeared with a puff of green Hellfire. “God, Star Wars references never get old.”

Gula, Eclipse, Eligor, and Libidine appeared soon after, and they all seemed to be as infatuated with the terrain as I was.

“How the hell am I supposed to walk?” Libidine groaned as she pointed down at her stilettos. “It took me thousands of years to get used to wearing these things, but even I’m not skilled enough to make them work on jagged rocks.”

“Why does it smell like Sister Ira’s torture chamber in here?” Gula gagged. “I don’t even think my butchers deal with this much blood in their whole lifetime!”

“It only gets worse from here, I’m afraid,” Eligor sighed, “since the outer ring is the safest. At least, for outside travelers.”

“It honestly reminds me of a fucked-up version of Yellowstone, with all the limestone and geysers and shit,” I chuckled and shook my head.

“I don’t see what’s so funny,” Libidine said as she stared at me matter-of-factly. “That sacred place is where the Seventh Circle spills over into Earth Realm.”

“Seriously?” I gasped. “You’re telling me Yellowstone is actually the Seventh Circle reincarnated on Earth?”

“Of course,” Sia interjected, “how else do you think it gets all those time-sensitive geysers and the boiling-hot water and the strange geographical formations? The smell of sulfur should have been a dead giveaway.”

“Aha!” Todd cackled and pointed a finger at me in celebration. “You totally owe me fifty bucks, bro. I fucking told you there was something fucked up with that whole area.”

“That was like when we were in tenth grade, bro,” I shot the imp down real quick.

“A bet’s a bet, Jakey,” Todd prodded. “That Barlos guy back there was so willing to keep his word, he committed seppuku. Do you really wanna get shown up by Barlos, bro?”

“I guess not,” I sighed, “I’ll give you the fifty whenever we go back to Earth. Although, I don’t get why you need it. I can literally order my Shades to build us anything we want back in the Fourth Circle.”

“It’s not about the money, Jakey,” Todd giggled as he smacked his lips, “it’s about the principle.”

“Okay, so we’re here in the Seventh Circle,” Eclipse mused as she looked around cautiously. “Now what? Gressil could be hiding anywhere.”

“He could be,” Sia agreed, “but he isn’t. If there’s one thing I know about Gressil, it’s that he is a spineless coward. He wouldn’t go anywhere there might be potential conflict, so that would instantly mark out the second ring.”

“Why is that?” I questioned. “Isn’t that the one where suicides end up? I’d figure that’d be the ring with the least amount of conflict.”

“It is where suicides end up,” Eligor admitted, “but that’s the thing … those Shades are eternally tormented by harpies. They’re strung up on large poles where those horrific half human, half bird monsters rip chunks out of their flesh, all while they can do nothing but scream in agony.”

“So, I’m assuming the harpies don’t treat outsiders well, either?” I guessed.

“They do not,” Eligor confirmed. “The last time I was in the second ring of the Seventh Circle, I had to use every trick in the book to make it through without being seen by those abominations. Even then, I couldn’t avoid killing a couple of them.”

“So, he’s not in the second ring.” I nodded. “You don’t think he’d be stupid enough to go to the innermost ring, do you? Right next to Abbadon’s castle?”

“See, you say that’s stupid,” Eclipse chuckled, “but I say it’s genius. You don’t expect your enemy to set up shop right next to your own house. It’s the perfect crime.”

“Speaking of crime,” Sia reminded us, “we need to be extra careful. He may be preoccupied right now, but Abbadon isn’t our ally. If he finds out we’re here, he’s going to hit us with everything he has, and then some.”

“But that doesn’t solve our issue of Gressil,” I sighed. “He’s still out here somewhere, and we need to figure out where.”

“Also, where is his army?” Gula questioned somewhat sassily. “You don’t just bring an entire army into a Circle of Hell without somebody noticing. How on Earth is he managing to hide them?”

“I can tell you exactly where he issssss,” a nasally, slimy voice cooed from somewhere off in the distance.

The seven of us quickly flipped around and got into a “back-to-back” stance as we summoned forth our weapons and spells. This was a formation we’d practiced many times before, one that was intentionally designed for missions in which we were outnumbered, outgunned, or a mixture of both.

I couldn’t currently see what we were up against, but I knew it wasn’t friendly.

There was a loud splash, and I glanced over to see something emerging from the river of boiling blood. The head popped out first, a triangular shape with two large, yellow eyes whose pupils were dark slits. There were two large jowls on each side of the creature’s face, probably to store its razor-sharp fangs without incident.

The body came next, and my stomach jumped up into my throat.

It was one long, circular tube. There were no legs. No hands or feet. The creature slithered across the limestone as it pulled itself out of the river of blood, and I could tell its length was at least five times my height.

It was a giant, red-skinned snake. This had to be Serpico.

I drew the Unhallowed Sword from its hilt and held it out in front of my threateningly.

“Stay the fuck back!” I demanded. “We come with noble intentions, but if you take one more, uh, slither, I swear to--”

“I am not yourrrr enemy, King Ralston,” Serpico hissed. “At leassssst, not today.”

“Jakey, what--” Todd began as he flipped around to see what was going on. “Holy fucking shitballs!”

The imp let out a girlish scream, and then he jumped onto Libidine’s leg and clung to it like a koala. He kept repeating the phrase, “find a happy place,” as he rocked back and forth and threatened to knock Liby off her feet.

“Not our enemy?” I growled. “The last time I tried to talk to your boss, he sent a demon bear into my domain to kill me. How’s that ‘not my enemy?’”

“That wasssss then,” Serpico argued as his tongue flitted in and out of his mouth. “Things have changed, King Ralsssssston. My master asked me to notify him of your arrival. He wishes to speak with you at your leissssure. And by your leisure, I mean right now.”

I was listening to what the giant snake was saying, but I wasn’t going to let my guard down for one second. This thing looked like it could literally swallow me or any of my friends in a single bite, and I knew enough about snakes to realize we were within striking distance of the bastard.

“Why should we believe you, Serpico?” Eligor questioned. “Abbadon is a madman. What’s to say you don’t kill us the second we lower our weapons?”

“If you don’t lower your weaponsssss and follow me, I will kill you,” Serpico threatened.

Goosebumps rose to the top of my flesh as I tried to formulate a plan. We could try to fight the demon snake, but we were already tired from our earlier battles. Couple that in with the fact that this guy was way bigger than any of us and could easily just snap us in two with his massive muscles, and I realized we were in a dilemma.

“Hold on,” Todd gasped, “that’s Serpico? He doesn’t look like Pacino whatsoever!”

The snake tilted its head curiously, and then he slowly lowered himself down so he was at eye level with the imp.

However, Todd refused to make eye contact.

“Nope,” he refused and vigorously shook his head. “Nooooooopppppeeee. Why’d it have to be snakes? I hate snakes.”

“Cat got your tongue, imp?” Serpico giggled devilishly as he watched Todd squirm. “Come, now. There’s nothing to fear.”

“Easy for you to say, bro,” Todd shot back. “You’re not the prey in this part of the food chain.”

“Don’t flatter yourssssself,” the snake hissed jubilantly as he returned to the upright position, “I require much ssssssustinence. You wouldn’t hold me over for an hour.”

My succubi looked at me with terror in their eyes, and I wondered if I should motion for them to strike. Serpico was about as thick as a large tree trunk, and I could tell he was mostly muscle underneath his scaly skin.

If we attacked now, maybe we could get in a lucky killing blow before the snake went berserk and crushed us all in its deadly embrace or impaled us with its razor-sharp teeth. Then again, if we missed, we were fucked.

Serpico must have noticed the tension in the air, because he let out a long, hissing laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Sia demanded.

“You guysssss are cracking me up,” the snake mused, “I can tell exactly what you’re thinking. You’re not the firsssst, and you certainly won’t be the last. But I can promise you one thing … no move you can make will bring me down. My hide is as thick as a Behemoth’s, and my reflexes are as quick as a cat’s. Then again … I haven’t been in a good fight in ages. Nobody down here dares crosssssss me.”

My heart felt like it was now in my throat. The succubi were all clinging to their weapons like their lives depended on it, and Todd was rocking back and forth on the ground while repeating “I hate fucking snakes, bro,” over and over again in an increasingly quick cadence.

I had to make a decision right now. Did I try to kill the slithery bastard, or did I lower my weapon and let him take me to Abbadon?

The odds were terrible in either case. However, there was an ever-so-slight chance we could make it out of here if Serpico was telling the truth. If we didn’t have to fight our way out of the Seventh Circle, perhaps we would live to see another day.

Against my better judgement, I sheathed the Unhallowed Sword and then nodded to my friends.

All of the girls looked at me in shock for a moment before they sighed and sent their weapons away with a flash of Hellfire.

“There,” I growled over the sound of my own pounding heart, “our weapons are down. Now, are you going to take us to the inner ring, or not?”

A devilish smile spread up Serpico’s inhuman face, and for a second, I thought I had fucked up. However, the snake nodded his head, flicked his tongue, and then slowly turned his back to us.

“My massssster isn’t in the inner ring,” he explained, “that’s a foolish tale told by beingssss who have never set foot in our domain. Why would anyone wish to live in a desert that was burning eternally?”

“He totally couldn’t get insurance down there,” Todd chuckled weakly, though I could tell he was still freaked out. “No agent’s gonna believe your house burned down five times in a single month, bro.”

“I ssuppose not, imp,” Serpico mused as he slithered over to the river of blood.

As soon as he reached the riverbank, the snake stuck his head underneath the boiling liquid, moved forward, and started to float with his upper body just above the surface. Serpico raised his head up into the air, turned it nearly three-hundred and sixty degrees, and stared at us impatiently.

“Uh, I think we’ll walk,” I offered the demon snake, but he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“Walking to masssster’s castle is impossible,” he warned with narrowed eyes, “it is located in a secret cavern that can only be transversed through the River of Blood.”

“You’re not seriously considering this, are you?” Eclipse whispered into my ear. “We are going to be sitting in the center of a river of boiling blood on top of the crony of one of the most unstable Demon Kings in existence. All he’d have to do is dive down into the blood, and we’d be toast.”

“I don’t think he’s going to do that,” I retorted. “If he wanted to kill us, he would have done it by now. I think all of this is just pomp and circumstance.”

“We don’t have all day,” Serpico hissed. “Every second we wait, Gressil’s forces grow stronger. We mussssst ssssee my master now.”

I took a deep breath, shook my head with a hearty mixture of both amusement and fear, and then sauntered over to the tail of the beast. As I took my first step onto Serpico’s body, I felt my metal boots thump against his armor-like scales.

It was a good thing I didn’t try to sneak attack this guy. I wasn’t even sure my sword would have broken through his armor.

I walked up Serpico until I was about to the middle of his back, and then I turned back and motioned for my friends to come along.

Libidine was the first one to make a move, followed immediately by Gula. Sia and Eclipse were next, but Eligor remained on the beach.

And for good reason.

The Knight of Hell was literally trying to pull Todd onto the living canoe, but he’d his hands stuck firmly in the brimstone ground. The imp’s claws scratched the surface noisily as he was dragged across the dark landscape.

“I hate snakes, Jakey!” he called out angrily. “I hate ‘em!”

“Come now, Todd,” Eligor shot back, “just think of it as a boat ride.”

“I ain’t getting on the flesh canoe!” Todd argued. “Especially one made up of a slimy, scaly slither.”

“Snakes aren’t even slimy,” Eligor sighed and then gave the imp an angry tug.

Todd’s claws sunk even deeper into the ground, and he stayed exactly where he was. His hind legs seemed to stretch out as the blonde knight tried to pull him away with increasingly angry huffs.

Alas, Todd was stuck to the ground like flies on shit.

I was gonna have to change that.

So, I summoned green Hellfire into my hands, tossed it around the imp, and then focused on transporting his body through time and space.

“What that fuck?” Todd gasped as his body slowly began to fade.

Seconds later, I made him reappear over our position.

The imp let out a shriek of terror as he plummeted down onto the snake’s skin, bounced up into the air, and was promptly caught by Libidine.

“I thought you were supposed to be Shaggy?” the succubus giggled.

“Rikes,” the imp sighed in a Scooby voice and hung his head sadly. “Just, uhhhh, don’t put me down, okay? I don’t want my pristine, sexy little imp feet touching that shit.”

“If you insist,” Liby sighed and rolled her eyes.

Eligor finally mounted the beast, and we were all in our positions.

Serpico looked us all over one final time, turned his head forward, and then set off down the River of Blood.

The snake demon moved through the viscous liquid with the speed and grace of a great white shark. His giant tail was the main propulsion device as the gargantuan muscles in his body rippled under our feet with each movement. Serpico kept his slitted eyes facing forward the entire time, but we weren’t so lucky.

As we moved through the blood, we passed the occasional Shade floating down the river. Each one was covered from head to toe in third-degree burns, blisters, and boils, and each one was shrieking like a banshee from the pain. Many of them begged for us to end their suffering, even though we all knew it was impossible. However, those Shades weren’t the most disturbing of the bunch.

No, the ones who haunted me the most were the Shades who floated by fully conscious, but seemed to accept their fate. Their eyes were wide open as they stared off into the abyss of the dark sky. Tears rolled down their cheeks, but their pupils were pinpricks behind a glazed-over look that wanted nothing more than to be put out of its misery. Though they didn’t scream, each one of them made a hoarse growl as we passed them by, almost as if …

“Their vocal cords have been destroyed,” Eligor noted without a hint of emotion in her voice. “Those are the Shades who have been here the longest. I bet their voice boxes are so bruised and raw that you’d hurt them just by looking at them the wrong way.”

“That’s fucking brutal,” I muttered with a thousand-yard stare as I watched a poor woman float by.

“That’s Hell,” Eligor shrugged, “unfortunately, the other Demon Kings are nowhere near as kind as you. They want their Shades to suffer to the fullest extent.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Todd whistled from Liby’s arms. “I got a sore voice box the one time I went to Hell in a Cell back in 1998. I screamed so hard when Undertaker threw Mankind off the cage, I tore my fucking larynx. Swear to god, I couldn’t talk for weeks.”

“It was the best few weeks of my life,” I joked to try and ease the mood.

“Har har,” Todd mocked. “But seriously, I wouldn’t wish that shit on my worst enemy.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, King Ralsssston,” Serpico spoke up, “what kind of torture do you employ on your Shades? Surely the Nephilim who killed Azazel and stole all his succubi would have sssssome truly twisssssted forms of penance.”

“Uh, right,” I lied, “I’ve totally got the penance down. I don’t know if you ever met Ira, the Sister of Wrath?”

“Ah, yesssss,” Serpico said deliciously, “Azazel always spoke highly of her. She was quite a twissssted individual.”

“Well, she’s my Master of Torture,” I continued, “she locks herself away for hours at a time in her workshop, where she tinkers around and tries to figure out what sort of fucked-up things she can do to the Shades in the Fourth Circle.”

It wasn’t a total lie. Ira really did try to think up all sorts of crazy ways to punish the Shades of my domain, and she tried to do it in the most twisted ways she could possibly get away with. However, there were some stipulations. Ira was not allowed to cause my subjects any bodily harm or damage them in deep psychological ways.

But Serpico didn’t need to know that. If I could make myself appear even more hardcore than I really was, maybe I could make things go smoother with Abbadon.

“I don’t envy them,” Serpico admitted. “Abbadon’s succubus, Lunacio, the Soror Retorta, is in charge of the torture in the Seventh Circle. As you can see, she lives up to her name.”

“Hold up there, Cobra Commander,” Todd spoke up, “maybe my Latin’s a little rusty, but did you just call that chick what I think you did.”

“Perhaps,” Serpico admitted, “Lunacia is the Soror Retorta, or the ‘Twisted Sister’ in you tongue.”

A wide smile spread up Todd’s face, and I knew exactly what was going on in his brain.

“Sooooo, does she have long, blonde hair that’s all crazy looking?” he asked hopefully. “And pleaaaasseee tell me she wears ridiculous red blush and has blue eyeliner. Bonus points if she’s really a dude in disguise.”

“She does not do any of the above,” Serpico explained. “In fact, Lunacio is not what most people think of when they hear the word ‘Torture Master.’ But I ssssshall let you all be the judge on that one. You can meet her when we arrive, and we are almost there.

The heat from the River of Blood had now grown to nearly unbearable levels, and I was tempted to rip off my armor to keep myself from overheating. Then I remembered where we were headed.

There was no way in Hell I was meeting Abbadon without my protective armor.

We continued on the snake’s back for another thirty minutes or so until we finally arrived at our destination. Before us stood a roaring waterfall made completely out of warm, crimson blood. Flecks of the syrupy liquid splashed up onto my exposed face, and I felt a miniscule burning sensation.

“Do any of you know protective spells?” Serpico asked curiously. “Because you’re going to need one. Unless you intend to join the ranks of the Shades down here.”

Suddenly, there was a loud scream from above. All seven of us looked up to the top of the waterfall, where there was now a male Shade being held out over the drop. Before him stood a female figure, petite as could be.

The woman assailant appeared to have shoulder-length brown hair cut up at an angle, and bangs that hung down just to her brow. She had the Shade by the throat, and I could see she was saying some choice words to the poor bastard. Finally, she hauled back, threw her arm forward, and released the Shade from her grip.

He screamed in anticipatory terror as he plummeted down the waterfall, bounced off a few of the jagged rocks, and then landed in the scalding-hot blood only a few feet away from us with a large splash. The air was filled with a scent that was a mixture of irony steam, burning flesh, and hot liquid.

Almost as quickly as he went under, the Shade’s head reappeared through the surface of the blood, but he was already worse for wear. He screamed horrifically as the boiling liquid seared the flesh off his face all the way down to the bone, and literal chunks of his head appeared to be burned away. All of the hair on his head was now gone, as were his eyebrows and eyelashes. He flailed fruitlessly and begged us to help, but Serpico was having none of it.

The demon snake lashed out with intense speed, snatched up the Shade in his jaws, and then threw him as far off into the horizon as he possibly could.

Meanwhile, the brunette woman looked down at us with a smile on her face.

“I’m guessing that’s Lunacio?” I muttered aloud.

“The one and only,” Superbia explained. “I have met her a few times before. She makes Sister Ira look like a Girl Scout by comparison.”

“How is that even possible?” I mused. “Ira’s into some fucked up shit.”

“Sister Ira might be in love with BDSM and sadomasochism, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg,” Sia continued.

“Fuck yeah, it is,” Todd interjected and then held up his fingers to count. “You’ve got your formicophilia enthusiasts … your punctuators … and, most importantly, your coprophilles. Those are the people who are turned on by turds, bro. Quite literally fucking shit!

“I get it,” I promised with a gag, “Ira’s not even close to being that bad.”

From above, Lunacio gave us a cautious wave and then disappeared back behind the top of the waterfall.

She must have had other Shades to torture.

With the succubus gone, I turned my attention back onto the main goal. Abbadon.

“To answer your question from earlier,” I announced to the snake demon as I summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, “yes, I have protective magic.”

I twisted my glowing purple fists in the air, stretched them out, and then created one giant, massive wall.

“There,” Superbia observed, “that should do well enough against the burning-hot blood.”

Serpico looked back to make sure we were all ready to go. Once he saw we had a shield safely above us, he began to move through the crimson liquid once more.

The second we hit the waterfall, steam erupted from all sides of my barrier and filled the air with an inhuman hiss. Then, without much fanfare, the worst was behind us.

We were now faced with a giant cavern large enough to house an entire city, but it didn’t have a city inside of it. All it had was Abbadon’s castle.

The fucking thing looked like an abomination to all architecture. Its base was made up of a structure that looked like it was a sphere cut in half and placed with the flat side against the ground. It had an almost punched tin vibe to it, even though we all knew it was made out of rocky brimstone.

Just behind the half-sphere stood an enormous pyramid that stretched up to the heavens. Or, in this case, the top of the cave. The pyramid’s tip touched delicately against the roof of the caverns, almost as if it had been squeezed into here at the last minute. Meanwhile, the layers of the pyramid were constructed out of brimstone to create the building’s horizontal skeleton, and large panes of glass were stuck in between them.

However, that wasn’t the castle’s worst design offence.

The sphere of the castle was painted a bright neon orange, while the dark brimstone of the pyramid’s skeleton was now a hot pink.

“What the fuck is this place?” Todd asked as he stared at the insanity before us. “Interdimensional glowgolf?”

“I wish,” I joked. “I’m pretty sure this is just Abbadon’s way of fucking with everyone. He can’t even live in a regular castle like the other Demon Kings. He’s gotta make a statement wherever he goes, including his own home.”

Serpico slithered over to the bank of the river and then halted his momentum.

“From here, you walk,” the snake demon mused, “I know a sssshortcut, but I want you to get the full experience of my master’s hospitality.”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Libidine admitted as she carried Todd off the snake’s back.

“Hospitality? Ha!” Gula muttered as she crossed her arms over her chest and exited the snake-boat. “This guy’s already broken most of the rules of exterior design. This place looks like a total clusterfuck, and I’m wondering what it’s like inside.”

The other girls were right behind Gula, as was I.

The second we were off his back, Serpico disappeared underneath the surface of the River of Blood, and we were left to our own devices.

“Well,” I announced as I turned to my friends and then back to the avant gard castle, “it looks like we’re on our own for now. I guess we need to go this way … ”

I pointed up toward Abbadon’s castle to make sure we were all on the same page, and then I headed in the direction of the King of the Seventh Circle’s dwelling.

I just hoped it wasn’t a trap.

Chapter 12

“I can’t fucking believe Cobra Commander just up and left us,” Todd grumbled as we made our way toward the large, orange and pink castle off in the distance. “That was a total dick move, but I shoulda expected it from a literal snake like him.”

“I’m worried about what he meant by wanting us to ‘get the full experience,’” Gula announced anxiously. “What’s going to happen to us when we walk through those doors?”

“I dunno,” I admitted, “but I doubt Abbadon would go through all the trouble of bringing us out here just to kill us the second we walked inside his castle.”

“Jacob … ” Eligor warned, “that’s exactly the kind of thing Abbadon would do. He’d think it was the funniest damn thing in the universe.”

“So, I’ve gotta ask,” I pondered as I tried to figure out what kind of loon we were dealing with, “what kind of crazy is this bastard? Is he like, sadistic and evil? Or is he really an unpredictable genius? Or is it literally a form of mental illness where he laughs uncontrollably or some shit like that?”

“All of the above, I’m afraid,” Eligor sighed. “Abbadon is the embodiment of chaos. He will do things just because he thinks they’d be entertaining. I mean shit, he once went up to Earth and wiped out an entire civilization of humans, his own followers, mind you, because they spelled his name wrong on their clay tablets.”

“So, he’s driven by his ego?” I prompted further.

“He’s not prompted by anything,” the Knight of Hell shot back, “that’s what I’m trying to tell you! I don’t know if it’s a little voice in the back of his head or if he’s got some sort of grand plan he’s working toward or if he literally just stands around and throws darts at a dartboard with different activities on it!”

“He’s chaotic evil,” Todd elaborated. “Totally a loose cannon. But still totally the best Demon King we’ve ever had. His methods are unorthodox, but he gets the job done … ”

“I don’t think he’s Magnum P.I.” I shook my head somberly.

“You don’t know that, bro,” Todd snorted, “but now my hopes are up. If he has anything other than a giant Tom Selleck mustache, I’m gonna be sooooo bummed.”

“All I’m saying is be careful,” Eligor finished up her thought. “Whether it’s today or tomorrow or five years from now, I can assure you that Abbadon will cause us trouble. Big fucking trouble.”

“Then we’ll just have to make sure we get to him first.” I smiled and slapped the knight on the arm. “If I had to guess, I’d imagine Abbadon wants to help us find Gressil. So, if he offers us an uneasy truce, I’m sure as fuck gonna take it. I can’t afford to fight two Demon Kings at the same time, and I’d bet he can’t, either.”

“Especially not one who has a reputation,” Libidine reminded me. “You’ve now killed two Demon Kings, and you have Lilith officially on your side.”

“I don’t think she’s official yet,” I reminded my team, “only me, my Demon Lords, and my allies know she’s with me.”

“If that many people know,” Sia chuckled, “then it will eventually get out to everybody. There’s no way it won’t.”

“Oh, well,” I shrugged, “I’ve never really understood why it needed to be a secret, anyway.”

“Because my mistress is notoriously neutral,” Eligor explained with a somewhat offended tone. “For several millennia she has stood by Lucifer’s side as a loyal Demon Queen. The second Beelzebub and Gressil know she’s allied herself with us, they will go into panic mode. And you know what they say about beasts backed into corners … ”

“They’re easier to kill!” Todd blurted out. “Ya know, because they don’t have anywhere else to run.”

“No … ” the blonde woman sighed and facepalmed at the same time, “they’re the most dangerous because they don’t have anything to lose.”

“Thaaaatttt doesn’t sound right,” Todd argued, “like, if you’ve got them in the corner with the gun cocked and ready to go, there’s no way in fuck they’re gonna get outta there. Sure, they might be able to deal some damage, but you’re still gonna kill them somehow--”

“It wouldn’t just be Beelzebub and Gressil, either,” Eligor interjected. “If word gets out Lilith, of all demons, has taken a side, the other Demon Kings might start to worry. Then we could have another set of foes to defeat.”

“There’s only like, two Demon Kings left that aren’t on our side,” I reminded Eligor. “And, just like your mistress, this guy’s notorious for not taking sides, either. If we have to kill fucking Moloch, so be it.”

Finally, we arrived at a set of large doors painted a deep shade of blue. Each one was three times my height and had to be at least twice as wide as my body, and they were held in place by a set of giant black iron hinges. Right in front of me was a metal statue in the shape of a bull, where the nose ring acted as the knocker.

I reached up, pulled the ring back, and knocked twice.

There was silence on the other side of the door for a moment, but then I heard a ruckus. Suddenly, the blue doors were flung open, and I awaited whatever horrors were on the other side.

Much to my surprise, there was only a short, red-haired Shade. The man was wearing a tuxedo with an elegant black bow tie and a pair of pristine white gloves. He bowed to me when I opened the door and then motioned for us to enter.

As I came through the threshold, I nearly stopped in shock.

This wasn’t the murder palace I thought it was going to be. Instead, the floors were made up of white marble with occasional tiles of gray and black. At the center of the room stood a spiral staircase that wrapped around a dangling crystal chandelier, and all the way at the back were two doors that surely led into other wings of the castle. There were renaissance-esque paintings all over the wall, but they had one, small, tweaked detail.

Instead of angels and saints, these paintings were all of famous demons.

I recognized Baphomet’s goat-like head as it looked down at a bunch of peasants in a field. He was floating down angelically while shooting black Hellfire onto the poor humans below, and his garments flapped in the wind as a black halo rested atop his horns.

Right beside him was a painting that bore the likeness of Azazel, and I nearly lost my shit when I saw it. The former King of the Fourth Circle was floating in the air, and he was holding a trumpet in one hand and his giant-ass broadsword in the other. Even though he was a massive, red-skinned demon who could have ripped a man in half without effort, the artist went out of his way to make the Demon King look cherubesque.

I was sure the bastard loved that.

“My name is Timothy,” the red-haired Shade announced as he snuck up behind me. “Abbadon wanted me to inform you that you are to make yourself at home while final dinner preparations are being made. I shall come and get you when it is ready.”

“Uh, thanks, Timothy,” I chuckled.

What the fuck was going on here? This guy was supposed to be some sort of insane monster, yet he had a loyal butler and kept his castle as pristine as it could possibly be?

“Jacob!” Gula gasped from across the room. “You need to come see this.”

I ran over to where the curvy, redheaded succubus was standing and looked her deep in her purple eyes. They were full of worry as she reached out and pointed at the painting straight in front of her.

When I turned to look at it, I saw exactly what she was worried about.

It was a recreation of Michelangelo’s Birth of Adam. However, the two main figures were replaced by ones that made my hair stand on end. On the left was me, in all my naked glory, sitting on a rock with my index finger outstretched. In the sky beside me was Lucifer, clad in his red velvet suit and wearing a shit-eating grin on his face. Where our fingers touched in the painting, there was a spark of red Hellfire.

I bit my lip and clenched my fist with anger when I saw this brazen attack.

“He’s trying to fuck with me,” I growled, “Abbadon knows my heritage, and he’s trying to get into my head before I even meet with him.”

“As I said before,” Sia reminded us as she walked over and inspected the image, “Abbadon is not your ally. Whatever you do, don’t let him lull you into a false sense of security. If you let your guard down, that’s when he will strike.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” I growled and tapped the hilt of my sword. “I’m going to have one hand on this thing at all times.”

“Sounds like me when I sleep,” Todd snickered, “one hand under the pillow, and the other on the paste catapult. You never know when you’re gonna need to launch the ‘ol splooge loogey in the middle of the night.”

“Ewwwwww,” Gula gagged, “just when I think you couldn’t think up anything more gross … ”

“There’s plenty more where that came from, Firecracker,” Todd said proudly as he puffed out his chest. “I’m not even a quarter of the way down the list of nicknames for the gooey grease.”

“Just--Just stop.” The Sister of Gluttony shuddered.

“But seriously,” Todd said as he got uncharacteristically serious for a moment, “I don’t really trust Abadabadoo either. I mean, he totally sent a ginger to come and greet us. A ginger, bro!”

“And what, may I ask, is wrong with being ginger?” Sia asked as she and Gula both shot Todd a death glare.

“Gingers are creepy as shit!” The imp shuddered. “They’re the kinda people I see in my nightmares, usually coming at me with a knife while their freaky, freckled faces are stuck in a sinister smile. At least I can always see ‘em coming in the dark, though. Their blinding white skin always gives ‘em away. And then there’s this jabroni … he’s a Shade, so somehow, some way, the universe found a way to make his skin even whiter!”

“So, you think we’re creepy?” Gula pouted, but her eyes were still shooting daggers at Todd.

The imp raised an eyebrow at the succubi as confusion took over his face. Then he shook his head furiously, scoffed, and let out a chuckle.

“No, no, no,” he explained. “You two aren’t gingers. You girls are redheads. Guys are gingers. Biiiiigggg fucking difference. I don’t see you girls with pasty white skin or Chucky-esque curly hair or--”

“Abbadon is ready to see you now,” Timothy said as he suddenly appeared behind the two succubi.

“Jesus tapdancing fuck!” Todd screamed as he summoned black Hellfire around his body and rocketed straight upward in a panic.

We all watched as the little imp floated up to the ceiling, placed his back against it, and then pushed his tiny figure back as far as it would go. He stared down at the red-haired man in terror and refused to even blink as he watched his every move.

“Uh, as I was saying … ” Timothy repeated after he cleared his throat. “My master is ready to see you now. Please follow me to his study.”

I watched in amusement as Todd, without taking his eyes off Timothy for a second, slowly began to crab-walk across the ceiling and then down the wall like something out of The Exorcist. Once his tiny hooved feet touched the ground, he made a “I’m watching you” gesture to Timothy with his fingers, and then he sauntered over and began to follow us.

The red-haired Shade led us out of the main landing and through one of the pristine arched doorways. Our metal boots clanked against the marble as we walked through the hallways of Abbadon’s castle, and I couldn’t help but admire all the crazy, macabre sculptures and paintings he had on display.

Even if Abbadon was a psychotic, murderous Demon King, he appeared to have good taste.

Timothy finally stopped at an eight-foot tall black door with a pentagram carved onto the front. Next, he cleared his throat, bowed his head, and then began a deep chant whose vocalizations seemed to come straight from his throat. The sound of the Gregorian chant reverberated off the building’s marble structures as its volume seemed to intensify.

As the sound crescendoed, a dark red liquid began to crawl slowly down from the top of the pentagram on the door with the speed of molasses until it had filled the entire symbol. A few drops of blood splattered against the sterile floors as the ritual was finished, and the door made a loud groaning sound. Then the black door slid itself open as Timothy glanced down at the blood on the ground unceremoniously.

“I’ll have to get someone in here to clean that up,” he sighed. “Master doesn’t like to have his beautiful dwelling soiled. Other than, well, the rec room … ”

“What’s in the rec room?” Eclipse asked curiously.

Timothy stopped, flipped around, and stared down the tattooed succubus intensely.

“I pray you never find out,” he warned ominously, and then he turned back around and led us into Abbadon’s study.

The first thing I noticed as I walked into the room was just how dark it was. Unlike the rest of the castle, the entire place was lit only by candlelight, and the series of flickering, warm light gave the room a cozy feeling that wasn’t found too often in the Circles of Hell.

Meanwhile, the floor was made out of polished dark mahogany, and it creaked under our feet with every step we took. The walls were made out of an equally dark wood, and they had several nooks built in for both books, statues, paintings, and other curiosities the Demon King had collected over the years. Then, on the floor, sat a giant, bear-skin rug I recognized immediately.

It was Alphamegnon, the bear demon we’d slain only a few months ago.

How was that possible? We’d literally watched the creature explode like a gore-filled balloon. His body should have been scattered across the Fourth Circle in a million pieces right now.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Abaddon’s rough voice spoke up from the other side of the room, “‘he looks good for being blown to smithereens.’ Well, let me tell you … that thing you killed wasn’t the first Alphamegnon, but he certainly was the last.”

A manic, high-pitched laugh filled the room, and it originated from a massive black, winged leather chair on the far side of the study. The chair spun around on its pivot, and that’s when we saw him.

The King of the Seventh Circle didn’t have horns like all the other demons I’d met before. Instead, the top of his head was covered with short, dark black hair that stood straight up like a troll doll. His red ears were equally as troll-esque, as they both ran up the side of his face into a curved point. Abaddon sat there, bare-chested, and his pectoral muscles looked like they belonged to a fucking Greek statue.

As the Demon King stood from his chair, his giant, black wings spread out from his body and curled downward like a dragon’s. Then Abaddon came around the corner of his desk, and I could see the entire lower half of his body was scaly like a snake’s.

How fitting.

Timothy fell down to his knees and bowed instantly.

“Serpico has brought them to you, Master,” he said without looking up. “Just as you have asked.”

“Thank you, Timothy,” Abaddon said as he walked over and placed his hand against the Shade’s shoulder. “Now, if you could, please go and fetch me an ale. I’m finding myself beyond parched at the moment.”

“R-Right away, master.” Timothy put on an air of appreciation, but his voice and body were both trembling.

“Good boy,” Abaddon said smoothly, and then he pulled his hand away from his servant. “Now run along.”

The second Abaddon’s hand was removed from Timothy’s shoulder, the Shade took off like a bat out of Hell. Within seconds, he was out of the room, and we were left alone with the King of the Seventh Circle.

All of us looked at each other tensely, but nobody wanted to be the first to talk. Nobody but Todd, of course.

“I- uh, I love what you’ve done with this place,” the imp chuckled awkwardly. “The corpse of one of your brethren really ties the whole place together, ya know?”

“Ahhh, you must be the imp.” Abaddon grinned as he slowly stomped over to Todd, placed his hands on his waist, and bent over to inspect the tiny demon. “Beelzebub, Baphomet, and Gressil told me all about you when they were trying to convince me to join their side. They said, and I quote, ‘why would anyone want to ally themselves with a creature who jabbered on twenty-four seven about pointless, foul things?’ And do you know what I did?”

“Uhhh, what?” Todd asked somewhat cautiously.

“I sent Lacinateros into their domain,” Abaddon grinned, “also known as the motor mouth demon or the Demon of Eternal Annoyance. They were not pleased.”

“Ha!” Todd guffawed. “I kept telling people I wasn’t the most annoying thing in the universe. Fuck, I’m not even the most annoying person I know, and I know some annnoyyyyiiing people.”

“My friend,” Abaddon continued, “I can assure you that you’re not even the most annoying person in this castle.”

“It’s Timothy, isn’t it?” Todd giggled. “I just knew that guy was a twat. Fucking gingers, man.”

“Yes!” Abaddon laughed and smacked his serpent body right where his knee might have been. “He’s soooo annoying!”

As I watched the imp and Abaddon interact, something wasn’t adding up. All of the other Demon Lords, angels, and Kings, told me this guy was the most brutal, sadistic, and murderous Demon in all of Hell. Yet, there he was, laughing and yukking it up with my best friend like they were old pals.

“Why have you brought us here, Abaddon?” I finally spoke up.

The Demon King instantly stood up straight, and the smile faded from his face in a flash. His expression contorted into a look of annoyance with a hint of simmering rage as he turned to face us.

“Hello, King Ralston,” he said as he allowed a false smile to slide up the corners of his mouth. “So wonderful to finally meet you.”

“I wish I could say the same,” I growled, “I don’t have much good will to give a demon who tries to kill my friends and me.”

“Like that one over there?” Abaddon mocked as he pointed at Gula. “If I recall correctly, she locked you and your friends in a freezer and then tried to burn the whole place down.”

My blood ran cold in my body at his words. He knew way more about me than I had originally thought.

“That was different!” Gula protested and stamped her foot. “Tris and I were still under the control of Azazel when that happened.”

“Precisely,” Abaddon shrugged, “times change. People change. Situations change. Just because I was your enemy a few months ago doesn’t mean I am still your enemy now.”

“So, that’s why you brought us here?” I scoffed. “Because you want to make amends and form an alliance?”

Abaddon’s eyes narrowed at my suggestion.

“Alliance?” he mused. “With you? The King of the Seventh Circle doesn’t make ‘alliances,’ King Ralston. I’ve always lived and died by my own actions, and that’s not going to change just because you’ve swept in here and shaken things up. No … I’ve brought you all here today to offer a ceasefire.”

“A ceasefire?” Eligor muttered. “Let me guess, you want us to help you take out Gressil now that he’s here on your turf?”

“Very good, servant of Lilith.” Abaddon clicked his tongue. “I can see why Jacob keeps you around as a plaything.”

“She’s not my plaything!” I hissed. “Eligor is a loyal member of my team, and a great general in my army. I’d like to see anyone in this universe be as loyal to you as my friends are to me.”

“In time, you may,” the King of the Seventh Circle warned, “but that’s what I am trying to avoid right now. We are not allies, King Ralston, but I have a proposition for you … Gressil and his forces were able to get through my defenses and have taken up residence in the inner circle of my domain.”

“Then why haven’t you just gone in there and killed him?” Libidine questioned somewhat sarcastically. “I thought you were supposed to be the greatest Demon King in Hell?”

“Watch your tongue, succubus!” Abaddon hissed and took a step toward Liby.

I threw up a wall of purple Hellfire in front of the Demon King and tossed my hand around the hilt of the Unhallowed Sword. Thankfully, Abaddon regained his composure and stepped away from the dark-haired beauty.

“Forgive me,” he sighed as he shook his head, “that is no way to treat my guests. To answer your question, Demon Lord … although the inner circle is part of my Kingdom, I do not go there often, and there is no way in hell I would ever set up shop down there. Would you want to be in a place that was an eternal desert of Hellfire? Then there’s the harpies … You see where I’m going with this.”

“So, basically, you want us to be your hitmen.” I folded my arms over my chest. “Why should we risk life and limb to deal with your problem?”

“Because, King Ralston,” Abaddon explained, “it’s your problem just as much as mine. As much as I love my domain, it is nearly impossible to transverse through. To get an entire army through it unscathed is not an option.”

“And?” I asked as I tried to figure out where he was going with this.

“If Gressil and Beelzebub somehow defeat me and take over the Seventh Circle, they will be next to impossible to reach,” the Demon King explained. “No matter how great your soldiers are, they won’t survive a full trek through the three rings of my domain. Not when they are actively being attacked. However, if you take care of our little mutual problem … I shall grant your passage through the Seventh Circle, no questions asked.”

I had to think about this one. On the one hand, making an agreement with a psychopath almost never ended well. On the other hand, if we were successful in this mission, we would be one step closer to ultimate victory. The second Demon King of the Unholy Trio would be dead, and my army would basically have a clear, unopposed path to march into the Eighth Circle and kill Beelzebub once and for all.

“Are you actually considering this?” Eligor questioned when she noticed how silent I was being. “Surely you don’t think Abaddon will keep his word?”

“I dunno,” Todd interjected, “he seems like a pretty chill guy to me. Also, don’t call Jakey ‘Shirley.’”

“It’s a tempting offer,” I whispered to my friends, “think about it … if we do this, Gressil will be dead, and Abaddon will tell his own forces to leave us alone. That’s two major roadblocks out of the way. If we pull this off, there will be nothing standing between us and Beelzebub.”

“And the sooner we vanquish Beelzebub,” Libidine spoke up, “the sooner we can move on to bigger and better things.”

“I dunno if I’d call wrastlin’ with the big daddy of all demons ‘better things,’ Lib,” Todd shuddered, “I’ve only met the guy once, but he seemed like a real dick. At least I won that fiddle made of gold and reminded him I’m the best that’s ever been.”

“Right,” I rolled my eyes at the imp’s ridiculous claim, “but we’re going to have to face my father eventually. Better to do it sooner, while we still have the advantage. Besides, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really tired of Beelzebub’s bullshit, and I want him out of the way as soon as humanly possible. This is how we get that done.”

“Then it sounds like we’re headed deeper into the Seventh Circle,” Eclipse noted, “I hear it’s all dark and depressing. Right up my alley.”

“Easy there, Tits n’ Tats,” Todd warned, “you’re starting to sound a lot like Elvira. We’ve already got an emo chick in the band, you’re supposed to be the edgy punk one.”

“Then it’s settled,” I announced to my friends and turned back to Abaddon, “we accept your offer, King of the Seventh Circle.”

The red-skinned demon nodded his head with a hint of satisfaction.

“Excellent,” he grinned, “I knew you’d scratch my back if I offered to scratch yours.”

“No homo,” Todd muttered under his breath.

“This calls for--ah, there you are, Timothy!” the King of the Seventh Circle exclaimed as his loyal servant walked back into the room. “I was just about to ask where my celebratory drink was!”

The red-haired Shade hustled across the wood floor with a large, crystal glass in his hand. The vessel looked like it was carrying an amber liquid, probably some sort of demonic whiskey, as it sloshed around inside. Timothy was panting as he stopped in front of Abaddon, bowed, and held out the drink for his master to inspect.

The King of the Seventh Circle snatched the glass of liquor from his servant, held it up to his hooked nose, and took a long sniff. He swirled the liquid around in the glass for a moment before he put it up to his lips, tilted back his head, and inhaled it all in a single gulp.

The whole time, Timothy stood there in silence and watched his king with bated breath.

“Not bad,” Abaddon admitted as he inspected the glass nonchalantly, “but I’m afraid you forgot one thing. I asked for ale. This is whiskey.”

Timothy’s eyes went wide with horror, and he leapt up to his knees with his hands clapped together apologetically.

“I’m sorry, my King,” he whimpered with pure terror in his voice, “I swear it won’t happen again!”

“I’m sure it won’t,” Abaddon spat.

Then, without warning, the King of the Seventh Circle lashed out at the Shade with the cup still in his hand. The crystal cup shattered into pieces when it struck Timothy’s face, and the shards of deadly glass cut into his flesh and sent splatters of blood all over the pristine wooden floor. Crimson liquid gushed out of Timothy’s fucked-up face, and his left eye looked like it was about to fall out of its socket.

The Shade opened his mouth to plead for his life, but Abaddon wasn’t having it.

The red-skinned demon picked up Timothy by the neck, slammed his other palm down on the Shade’s shoulder, and yanked as if he were trying to start a lawnmower.

Timothy let out a brief yelp of pain, but that was quickly silenced as his head was ripped off his body with his spine still attached.

Gore and viscera sprayed all over the study as Abaddon tossed Timothy’s head to the side, placed two hands on the spewing geyser of a body, and tilted it toward himself. Then the King of the Seventh Circle gulped down the blood like he was a pig in a trough. He shook his head violently as he consumed the crimson liquid, and it splattered all across his face and torso as he guzzled. Finally, he tossed the body to the side, and it laid lifelessly against the bookshelf as it continued to pour its grisly fluid out onto the ground.

Abaddon let out a satisfied “ah,” then he wiped his mouth with the back of his wrist and smacked his lips happily.

“That hit the fucking spot!” he exclaimed happily as if he hadn’t just devoured a human being. “Now, let’s talk about logistics. Obviously, I can’t offer you much in the way of supplies or shelter, but my castle does have several rooms open if you’d like to bunk here for the night. You look very tired, and I’d hate to see you set off on a deadly journey without a proper night’s sleep. Actually, Timothy’s room just became available!”

There was a stunned silence in the room, but I figured I’d better speak up before this psychopath had another outburst.

“Uh, I don’t--” I began, but then Eligor stepped in front of me.

“We already have a place to stay,” she explained cautiously, “but we do appreciate your hospitality.”

Abaddon frowned at the knight’s rejection, but then he simply shrugged.

“Fine by me,” he admitted, “just be careful when you leave the castle. There are creatures out there too horrific to describe, even for me. Now, if you’ll excuse me … I have to go find another servant. I bid you farewell, King Ralston. I look forward to hearing from you when Gressil has breathed his last breath.”

Without another word, the blood-soaked Abaddon stomped out of his study, and we were left alone.

“What the fuck just happened?” Gula gasped.

“We saw the kind of demon Abaddon truly is,” Sia explained. “He’s dangerous, unpredictable, aggressive, and quick to resort to violence.”

“That’s why I don’t trust him,” Eligor admitted, “and that’s why I wanted to make sure as fuck we didn’t stay here tonight. What if Abaddon changed his mind in the middle of the night and then decided to kill us all in our sleep? It’s too risky.”

“So, I gotta ask … what is our alternate option?” I asked with a twinge of disgust in my voice as I glanced over at Timothy’s dismembered body. “Whatever it is, I’m all for it.”

“Why, Jacob, have you forgotten about my home?” Eligor asked coyly. “I know you had a great time the last time you were there.”

Of course. Eligor had a bunker she kept hidden underground that she could call forth with her elemental Hellfire. It could apparently travel anywhere across space and time, which allowed her to camp out anywhere in Hell safely.

“Anywhere is better than this place,” I mused as I cautiously motioned for my friends to head toward the exit. “The larger the distance we can put between ourselves and this guy, the better.”

I took one last look at Timothy’s decapitated body before I exited.

If that was Abaddon’s response to a small issue with his drink order, I’d hate to see what he’d do to us if we failed this mission.

Needless to say, failure was not an option.

Chapter 13

“So, are we gonna talk about what just happened back there?” Libidine asked as we approached the waterfall of boiling blood that separated Abaddon’s castle from the rest of the Seventh Circle.

The journey between our host’s study and the edge of the waterfall had been a tense one done mostly in silence. All seven of us were on edge after watching Abaddon brutally dismember his servant Shade in cold blood, and we wanted to make sure there were no more surprises waiting for us as we exited the area.

“That was fucked up, guys,” Todd shuddered, “like, I was totally creeped out by the Gingerbread Man back there, but he definitely didn’t deserve to go out like that, bro. If he even died. Aren’t Shades immortal?”

“It’s complicated,” Superbia admitted, “a Shade can still feel the pain and suffering that goes along with death on Earth Realm, but they’ll always be able to regenerate and heal, given the proper circumstances.”

“Uhhhh, I dunno how he’s gonna heal from a Sub Zero Fatality, Strawberry Shortcake,” Todd admitted.

“He won’t,” the madame continued, “unless his spine is placed back inside his body. If not, his head will just lie there conscious, but unable to move.”

“And knowing Abaddon,” Eligor added darkly, “there’s no way he’ll do that. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if he took Timothy’s head and put it in a jar or a cage or something so it’ll never be reunited with his body. Almost like a form of twisted eternal punishment.”

“I knew Abaddon was eccentric and violent,” I admitted, “but I wasn’t expecting a straight-up basket case.”

“What are you talking about, bro?” Todd asked as he quirked his head to the side. “I didn’t see him carrying around a basket with his cronenberg-looking twin brother inside. Did I totally miss it? Because that’s, like, the one thing that could make this whole situation go from bad to worse.”

“Not the movie, bro,” I sighed and facepalmed at the same time. “I’m just still trying to get over how balls-to-the-wall crazy Abaddon is.”

“He was throwing his balls against the wall, too?” Todd gasped. “This guy is a nutcase! Every dude knows ‘slap the sack’ is the most painful game you could possibly play.”

“Is that … uh, a real thing you do?” Libidine questioned with slight horror in her voice.

“What, ‘slap the sack?’” Todd shot back. “Have you never been in a middle school locker room? That shit happens all the time in there.”

“I can’t say I have.” Libidine shook her head vigorously.

“You humans have some strange rituals,” Eclipse muttered as we came up on the searing-hot liquid.

I could feel the warmth radiating off the boiling blood, and my nostrils were filled with the scent of iron to the point that I wanted to gag. As I held down my last meal, I summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, raised them up above my head, and created a protective plank just underneath the spot where the crimson liquid was flowing. It sizzled as it hit my shield, and then it slowly began to flow over the left and right sides of the barrier and down onto the brimstone ground below.

“We can continue this conversation when we get to a place that’s more private,” I warned and then nodded to the newly-created passageway. “There are too many eavesdropping ears around here for my taste.”

The six of my friends passed underneath the deadly waterfall without incident, and then I slowly wandered through after them. The second we were all safely on the other side, I released my spell and allowed the waterfall of steaming crimson to return to its normal flow.

Thankfully, the River of Blood was not the only passageway into Abaddon’s terrain. All around the perimeter of the body of water were high, rocky cliffs that jutted out over it like a natural diving board.

Of course, taking the plunge off this high dive was the furthest thing from refreshing there could be.

My friends and I proceeded across the jagged rocks cautiously for about a mile or so before we came to a resting spot. The air around us was thin and humid, and we were all horribly winded and sweaty by the time we took a break.

“Goldilocks,” Todd wheezed as he placed his tiny hands against his knees and leaned over, “wherever the fuck your house is, I hope it’s got AC.”

“I wish Cupiditas was here,” Sia mused as she wiped the beads of sweat away from her brow. “She could use some of her ice magic to cool us down.”

“It’ll be fine,” Eligor reassured us, “my bunker may not be the top of the line, but it will at least keep us out of the elements. And away from any potential dangers that may be lurking out here in the Seventh Circle.”

“Like Cobra Commander?” Todd shuddered. “If I woke up and saw that abomination staring down at me with his vagina-slit eyes and his freaky chode of a tongue … well, there would be secretions coming outta my body nobody would find pleasant, bro.”

“You really do have a way with words,” Eligor sighed and shook her head vehemently. “I think we’re far enough away to make camp for the evening.”

“Can you even call your bunker from here?” I questioned curiously. “I thought you had to be pretty close to its location for you magic to work. Or at least, in the same Circle … ”

“That’s why it was so important to bring her along.” Eligor winked and pointed back at Gula. “Anything is possible with a little power boost. Gula?”

“Oh, right,” the Sister of Gluttony joked as she summoned brown Hellfire into her hands, “that’s my main role now. I’m just here to give everyone a little boost.”

“There’s no shame in being a Bard, Firecracker,” Todd interjected. “Without ‘em, the whole party’d be fuuuucked.”

Gula clapped her glowing hands together, twisted her torso around like she was about to throw a baseball pitch, and then launched a large ball of hazel fire directly into Eligor’s body.

The flames engulfed the bikini-clad knight as she summoned her own lime-green flames into her hands. Instantly, the two shades of Hellfire began to dance together and expand exponentially. Within seconds, the lime green spells Eligor held were nearly the size of watermelons.

Then the Knight of Hell struck a stern pose as she reached out and began to focus, and there was nothing but silence in the air as she searched across the different dimensions for her dwelling. Occasionally, the silence would be broken by the pop of bubbles that rose to the surface of the boiling river or the sound of the howling wind.

However, Eligor’s concentration stayed strong.

Finally, there was a rumbling off in the distance, deep underneath the brimstone surface of the Seventh Circle.

Her bunker was on its way.

The next thing I knew, the ground beneath us began to quake, and I had to toss up a shield of purple so none of us plummeted into the depths below.

The surface of the River of Blood started to bubble violently as a small vortex formed at its surface. Next, the diameter of the swirling portal grew and grew until it nearly took up the entire width of the river. Ripples spread across the top of the blood in rapid succession, and then Eligor’s bunker shot up out of the water on top of a pillar of dirt and brimstone.

Eligor’s portable dwelling was just as plain as I always remembered it being. It was little more than a giant square, carved out of pure brimstone, with a small door at the front. Right on cue, the entrance of the bunker glowed with light green Hellfire and popped open with a hiss as a chunk of the brimstone extended out toward us to create a makeshift bridge.

“Welcome back to my home,” Eligor chuckled as she strutted onto the bridge and disappeared through the threshold.

I kept careful guard as the rest of my friends entered the bunker, and then I followed them inside. As I walked over the earthy bridge, I heard it wither, crack, and crumble behind me. By the time I stepped inside the door of Eligor’s dwelling, the entire thing had disappeared into the crimson liquid beneath us.

Finally, the door slammed shut behind me, and the entire brimstone structure began to rumble. The bunker shook violently as Eligor used her powers to lower it back down into the ground, and I swore I could hear the hiss of the boiling blood on the ceiling as we plunged down beneath the waves.

“Is this thing safe?” Eclipse asked with alarm. “I know brimstone is sturdy and all, but it’s not like it’s unbreakable.”

“We’ll be fine, Lizbeth,” Todd reassured the tattooed succubus, “this thing’s endured more of a beating than my schlong. And if you know me the way my hand knows my schlong, you’d know that’s an awful lot.”

“Indeed,” the dark-haired succubus said with an unamused nod.

“What he’s trying to say is this bunker has survived for several thousand millennia,” I added, “I think it can handle a little bit of superheated blood.”

As the words slipped out of my mouth, I glanced over to the wall of screens that stood on the far end of the dwelling. I counted twenty-four in total, three for each of Circle of Hell. The images on the monitors showed different points of interest within each Circle, such as my own castle, Asmodeus’ “Cathedral of Love,” and the beckoning cliffs of the Second Circle. There was only one Circle missing.

The Ninth Circle. The domain of Lucifer.

“Is everything alright, Jacob?” Sia asked as her hand rested tenderly on my shoulder.

“I’m just wondering why there’s no camera to the Ninth Circle,” I admitted. “It’s strange Eligor and Lilith are spying on everybody except for Lucifer himself.”

The bunker’s momentum came to a halt with a roaring thud, and I wobbled to keep my balance.

“My Mistress may be crafty and unconventional,” Eligor explained, “but she’s not stupid. We’re already flying close to the sun just by having this bunker and spying on the rest of the Demon Kings. If we had tried to set up cameras in the Ninth Circle? Lucifer would have had our heads for that. Besides, he wouldn’t show up on the cameras, anyway.”

“Why not?” I questioned. “Don’t tell me he can turn invisible now.”

“I wish it were that simple,” Eligor sighed as she pulled out her rolling chair and sat down at the small desk in the bunker. “Lucifer appears to different people in different forms, remember?”

“Right … ” I agreed, though I had no idea where she was going with this.

“Well, that’s because his true form is said to be too insane for the human brain to even process,” she continued.

“Pfffffftttt,” Todd scoffed, “he stole that shit from Stephen King. That’s the fucking clown all over the place.”

“I don’t know who that man is, but I can assure you, Lucifer was here first,” the blonde woman shot back. “Anyway, his true form cannot be processed by the human brain, nor can it be processed by anything created to mimic the human eye. Hence, why Lucifer doesn’t show up on camera.”

“It’s actually because the camera adds ten pounds,” the voice of my father chuckled from behind me, “and I’m already pretty self-conscious about my weight.”

I could feel the blood drain from my face as his words passed through my head as smoothly as butter. Even down here, in an enchanted bunker currently hundreds of feet below ground, Lucifer had found me.

But I wasn’t going to let him get the best of me this time. No … this time, I wasn’t even going to acknowledge the bastard’s existence.

“So, uh,” I started, even though I was heavily distracted, “I don’t think I got to ask you last time … Is this where you live permanently?”

“Of course not,” Eligor mused, “this is just a traveling base of operations my Mistress and I use when we’re on the move.”

“Then where does Lilith actually live?” I continued as perspiration beaded on the side of my face. “She doesn’t seem to be aligned with any other Circle like so many other demons are.”

“Oh, I know!” Lucifer’s smooth voice mocked from the other side of the room. “Pick me!”

Eligor raised an eyebrow at me as a sly grin spread across her face.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she cooed. “Are you yearning to relive the ‘good ‘ol days’ when you made love to her human form?”

“I dunno if I’d call those ‘good,’” Todd interjected with the tone of an overprotective mother. “Whenever Jakey’d come home from Tamira’s place, he looked like he’d been drained of every ounce of fluid in his body. That woman was a fucking vampire, I swear. I’d always ask him if he had a good time dipping his honey stick into the beehive.”

“I’m not familiar with that euphemism,” Libidine admitted as she rubbed her chin.

“You totally should be,” Todd snickered, “it’s like, one of my favorites. So, the beehive has the perfect sized hole for a sausage knob, right? And it probably feels really good, too, since it’s all warm and gooey and shit. But you can only fuck it so many times before the bees get pissed off and start stinging your yogurt slinger. And when that shit happens, Lib, it goes from a hot dog to a goddamn jumbo sausage. Not like, a little one you get from Denny’s either, I’m talking the giant ones as big as your fucking arm.”

“I-I don’t understand what any of this has to do with--” Libidine began, but Todd cut her off.

“The beehive was Tamira, and Jakey was the one plugging the hole with his schlongkadonk,” Todd explained. “It was only a matter of time before he got stung by that bitch.”

“Watch it, Todd,” Eligor warned, “she may have been playing the role of a cold-hearted bitch, but that was still my Mistress, and she had a purpose for seducing Jacob.”

“Well, she played the role reaaaallly fucking well,” the imp shuddered, “add her to the list of people who deserve an Oscar, but keep getting screwed over. Just like Leo.”

“This is so much better than that episode of The Real World I had DVRed,” Lucifer giggled mischievously, “I should have brought some popcorn along for this show.”

“Leo won his Oscar,” I reminded the imp through a cold sweat as I tried to push Lucifer out of my head.

“You alright, Jakey?” Todd asked as he tilted his head nearly ninety degrees to the side. “Our banter’s falling a little bit flat, here.”

“I’m good,” I lied. “Aren’t you gonna argue with me about Leo winning the Oscar? Maybe say ‘that wasn’t Leo, bro. That was Hagrid.’ Or something like that?”

“Bro, what’s wrong?” the imp repeated himself.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Sia observed. “Where is he?”

I couldn’t get anything past Sia, so I sighed, slowly turned around, and pointed to the corner where the voice was coming from.

Lucifer was sitting on top of a brimstone stool with his right leg crossed over his left nonchalantly. When I pointed at him, he made an exaggerated look of surprise and lifted both his hands up into the air like he was being held at gunpoint.

“Oh, no,” he mocked, “one of your vapid Demon Lords knows where I am! Whatever shall I do, son?”

“Don’t engage, Jacob,” Superbia demanded. “I can tell by the look on your face that he’s trying to get you to engage.”

“Engage?” Lucifer scoffed. “Why would I want to beat up on my own flesh and blood? I just wanted to pop in and see how my favorite son was doing. Judging by the fact that you’re in a small, enclosed space with a handful of demons whose sole existence is based around fornicating, I’d say pretty damn well.”

I clenched my fists as my blood practically boiled inside of my body.

Insulting me was one thing, but insulting my succubi? That was something I didn’t let people get away with. Not with their lives, anyway.

A hint of red flames danced from my fingertips as I considered frying this bastard right here and now. Even if he was only an illusion, maybe that’d get him to shut the fuck up and leave us alone.

However, before I could make my move, a handful of yellow daggers shot across the room, straight toward where Lucifer was standing.

My father smiled with delight as the glowing daggers stabbed into his body, but the magic did no damage whatsoever. He just looked down at his pincushion of a torso, shook his head with amusement, and then pulled all of them out with a wave of his hand and a cast of green flames. Lucifer decast his spell, and Libidine’s normally deadly spears fell to the ground unceremoniously.

“Did--Did I get him?” Liby asked with a gasp.

“I like that one,” Lucifer chuckled to himself as he brushed a few more bits of glowing yellow shards out of his suit jacket, “but I also like this suit. I guess I’ll recuse myself for now. Farewell, my son. And good luck with the ladies tonight.”

The Devil shot me a coy wink before he summoned green Hellfire into his hands, snapped his fingers, and disappeared in a flash.

“Jacob?” Liby asked cautiously. “What’s he doing now?”

“He’s gone,” I sighed. “He said you were doing too much damage to his suit, so he left for now.”

“Lucifer was here?” Eclipse questioned with wide eyes. “In this room? Why couldn’t I see him?”

“He only makes himself known to me,” I explained, “it’s like, his way of fucking with me psychologically.”

“I think it might go deeper than that,” Eligor interjected. “Like most of the other demons we’ve encountered in our lives, Lucifer considers succubi to be the lowest of the low.”

“Lucifer’s Great Chain of Being,” Libidine muttered under her breath. “I hate that damn thing.”

“That’s right,” Eligor continued, “he’s the one who made the whole thing, so he’s going to follow it to a tee. You guys are way down at the bottom, just above humans. I’m not much better, since I’m a fallen angel.”

“What about me?” Todd asked as he jumped up and down and waved his hand back and forth. “Where do muscular, well-endowed, Fabio-esque imps fall on the chain?”

“Slightly above humans,” Eligor chuckled, “but still far below all Demon Lords and lesser demons in the universe.”

“I’ll take it!” Todd said as he did a little fist pump. “I always wanted Jakey’s dad to think I was cool, and now it looks like I’m finally getting my dream come true. I’m the second coolest guy in this room, bitches!”

“To finish my thought,” an obviously-annoyed Eligor rolled her eyes as Todd did a little victory dance, “the reason none of us can see Lucifer is simple … He doesn’t even think we’re worth the time of day, so he’s not going to waste his time talking to us. He’s only going to discuss his ‘business’ with those he deems worthy.”

“Then why did he show himself to Todd and me when he revealed his identity to Jacob?” Libidine questioned as she twirled a bit of her dark hair in her fingers.

Eligor shrugged. “Damned if I know.”

“He probably just wanted to make the reveal more substantial,” Sia suggested, “he definitely has a flair for the dramatic.”

“Naaaaaah,” Todd scoffed, “the dude who pretended to be a fifth-century philosopher, who went out of his way to help us defeat Azazel and wrote historical erotic fan fiction in his spare time has a flair for the dramatic? Get outta here!”

“Whatever it is, it’s getting worse,” I mumbled as I leaned up against Eligor’s desk. “He used to just appear for a split second or two, taunt me, and then leave. Now, he’s trying to have full-on conversations with me and making it abundantly clear he wants to get under my skin. Why the fuck is this happening? I thought he wanted me to be his right-hand man?”

Superbia sauntered over beside me, placed her hands on my shoulders tenderly, and looked me deep in the eyes.

“It doesn’t matter what he wants, remember?” she reminded me. “All that matters is what you want, and what you are going to do. He’ll keep trying to fluster you. Make you feel inferior or foolish or like a joke. Don’t let him.”

“That was the kind of crap Earl always pulled on us,” Libidine added, “he was always toying with us just so he could pull out the rug from underneath us and then remind us of our place.”

“It worked like a charm, too,” Gula sighed, “why do you think we never tried to break away? We didn’t think we could make it out there on our own. That is, until we met you … ”

“It’s just … getting really fucking old, that’s all,” I said somberly. “The sooner we can figure out how to get him out of my head, the better.”

“There’s only one way we can do that,” Eligor explained, “and we both know we’re quite a ways away from that.”

“That’s why it’s so important to get through Beelzebub,” I announced as I regained my composure. “As soon as the rest of the Unholy Trio are dead, then that just leaves one last stop. Lucifer. Now that we’re safely tucked away underground, we need to rest up. If what Abaddon said is true, the inner rings of the Seventh Circle aren’t gonna be a walk in the park.”

“Speaking of getting some shut eye … ” Todd pondered as he looked around the bunker, “I count seven of us, and only four cots. Unless my math is failing me, which it probably is, that means three of us either gotta sleep on the floor or get reaaaaallllly cozy with each other.”

“I’m not going to need one,” Eligor mused as she spun her chair back around to look at the screens. “I’m going to stay up and keep watch. We may be hidden deep underground, but I’m not going to take any chances. As for the rest of you, I have extra sleeping bags and blankets on the shelf over there. They’re in a wooden chest and labeled.”

“Thanks, Eligor,” I said with a nod, and then I headed over to get the rest of the sleeping equipment. “I’ll see you in the morning. Try to get some sleep, alright?”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” the blonde knight scoffed. “And if I don’t keep guard, that might be sooner than any of us think.”

The shelf Eligor was referring to spanned the entire south wall of the bunker and was filled with everything you’d expect to see in a typical survivalist’s dwelling. There were hundreds of cans and jars, some filled with strange vegetables and some filled with unidentifiable chunks of meat. Next to those were a few necessities like rope, shovels, lanterns, and wood. Finally, shoved all the way back in the corner of the deep shelf, sat a light brown wooden chest with two leather straps. As I pulled it from its resting place, I noticed there was an image carved into the front of the box.

It was a small, colorless lotus flower whose petals were wilted back from the stem as it died. It looked like it had been hastily carved by someone in a hurry, since the lines of the flower were somewhat uneven and thick, almost as if it were drawn literally by hand.

I unfastened the straps, popped open the lid, and then yanked the soft nylon sleeping bags out of the chest.

“Alright,” I announced as I returned to the rest of the group, “who wants a cot and who wants a bag?”

“Broooo,” Todd sighed as he hoisted himself up into one of the dark green cots, “I can sleep on anything. Fuck, I got some of my best nights of sleep ever when you had me camp out in that bed of old phone books!”

“So, you want a sleeping bag?” I offered.

The imp laid down on his stomach, placed his hands underneath his chin, and then lifted his legs up into the air. Todd kicked them slowly back and forth like he was a teeny-bopper at a sleepover as he shook his head.

“Oh, I totally would, bro,” Todd giggled, “but, uh, I’m already up here on this ‘ol cot. It’s totally raggety, though. I’m actually doing you a favor by taking one.”

“It’s fine, Todd,” I reassured him, “I was going to sleep on the ground any--”

“Ya know,” the imp continued, “they’ve actually done studies showing that sleeping on the concrete ground is really good for your spine. It helps rearrange your verygays and all that.”

“Uhhhh, don’t you mean ‘vertebrae?” Gula asked as she put her hands on her hips sassily.

“That’s what I said, Firecracker,” Todd tried again, “the uruguay.”

“Vertebrae,” the redhead tried again, “v-e-r-t-e-b-r-a-e.”

“Ohhhh, right,” the imp nodded, “Art Vandalay. Got it.”

Gula crossed her arms over her chest and plopped down in a nearby cot. She and Todd could have gone on for hours, but I could tell she was having none of it.

“If you guys don’t mind,” the redheaded succubus sighed, “I need one of the cots. I’m a stomach sleeper, and well … ”

Gula reached up, grabbed her massive breasts, and bounced them a few times as she laughed.

“It’s painful to sleep on the regular ground,” Sia finished the sentence.

“It’s not a big deal.” Eclipse shrugged as she walked over and grabbed one of the sleeping bags out of my hand. “In the Third Circle, we don’t really have any houses. I’m used to sleeping out in the cold, wet, slush-covered ground, so this is actually a step up for me.”

The tattooed succubus fluffed out her sleeping bag, bent down to adjust it, and jutted her curvy ass out as she moved.

I stared intensely at Eclipse’s curves as she shook out the sleeping bag a few more times, and her ass jiggled with each motion.

Finally, the succubus curled up into the sleeping bag, laid her head against the “pillow” that came with it, and let out a satisfied sigh.

“You sure you’ll be alright?” I asked as I laid down in my own bag.

“I’ll be fine,” the tattooed succubus reassured us all. “Just get some rest.”

Superbia and Libidine finally laid down in the remaining cots and made themselves as comfortable as they possibly could.

“Sweet dreams,” Libidine giggled to all of us. “Eclipse? Could you get the--”

“Way ahead of you,” the dark-haired succubus retorted.

Eclipse summoned black Hellfire into her hands, reached out toward the lights above us, and put them out with her spell. Now, the only light in the whole bunker was the soft, black-and-white glow that radiated off Eligor’s security monitors.

Even with the soft sleeping bag between me and the ground, I had a hard time getting settled. I could feel the cold, rigid brimstone through the padding, and the wadded-up blankets I’d been using as pillows weren’t really working for me.

Maybe a few more would help?

“Hey Todd?” I whispered as I rolled over and looked at the imp. “Do you think you could hand me a--”

My request was cut off by the loud buzzsaw of Todd’s snoring, and I knew trying to talk to the imp was futile. So, I summoned green Hellfire into my hands, wrapped it around the blanket on the other side of the imp, and then slowly carried it over to my spot on the ground. As soon as I released my spell, I folded the blanket delicately and slid it behind my head.

Still uncomfortable, but I was gonna have to try and stick it out.

I stared up at the ceiling as the rest of my friends began to drift off to sleep one-by-one. Within a few minutes of the lights going out, I heard Liby and Gula’s soft breathing. It was a sound I recognized all too well, as they often fell asleep in my arms at night.

Sia had been rustling around in her cot, but her movements quickly stopped and were replaced by a gentle snore.

I glanced over at Eligor and saw that even she’d conked out. Her head was down on the desk, and her breaths seemed to come in long, deep heaves.

She was definitely asleep.

However, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to relax enough to drift off. I tried to think about all the happy things going on in my life right now, the victories we’d had over the Unholy Trio in recent weeks and the new, beautiful, talented women who had been added to my team.

Things were definitely looking up for me right now, but I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that something terrible was right around the corner.

I alternated between staring at the ceiling and forcing my eyes shut, but nothing seemed to be working.

Finally, I heard the rustling of the nylon sleeping bag across the floor.

“You still awake?” Eclipse’s voice whispered with a deep sigh.

“Unfortunately,” I whispered back, “I thought I was a lot more tired than this, but my mind is racing in a thousand directions. You?”

“Funnily enough,” the tattooed succubus chuckled, “I can’t sleep because it’s too warm. I’m used to it being way more frigid than this. The Third Circle might not be the most ideal climate, but I’d actually grown kinda used to it over the years.”

“If you’re too warm, maybe you should just take some clothes off,” I suggested completely innocently, but I realized what I said a second too late.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Eclipse whisper-chuckled.

“That’s not what I meant,” I hissed back, “I’m just saying this brimstone is really cold, so maybe if there weren’t any layers between you and the floor … ”

“I have a suggestion for you, as well,” the tattooed beauty said as she stifled a laugh. “It’s one I think you’ll really like. I just need to get a little closer.”

Without another word, Eclipse slowly began to roll across the floor, still inside of her sleeping bag. She tumbled side-over-side stealthily for a few feet until her body landed right next to mine.

My heart fluttered in my chest as the woman’s body pressed up next to mine. She was so warm I could feel her heat even through both of our sleeping bags.

“So … what’s this plan of yours?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Unzip your sleeping bag, and I’ll show you,” Eclipse purred.

I could feel my cock beginning to throb as my erection grew in my pants. Before she could change her mind, I reached down, snatched up the metal zipper in my hand, and opened up the bag.

Almost instantly, Eclipse was out of her sleeping bag and into mine. The succubus held herself up with her arms as she laid on top of me, stared down into my eyes, and smiled.

“I need to get naked so I can cool off, and you need something that’s going to tire you out,” she whispered coyly, “I think we both know how we can make that happen.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but Eclipse placed her finger over my lips.

“We have to be quiet,” the dark-haired beauty reminded me, “I’d hate to wake up the rest of the team.”

Stealth sex. That was a new one, even for me.

Eclipse bit her lip as her hand slowly slid down into the waistband of my pants. Then her soft hand wrapped around my dick, and she began to pleasure me with a series of soft strokes.

She was really fucking good at this, and I wanted to let her know just how good she was doing. However, I couldn’t make a single sound.

The succubus pressed her lips against mine, and we began to make out passionately. At the same time, I dug into the front of Eclipse’s shirt and freed her left breast from its fabric prison.

Eclipse let out a quiet gasp of surprise as her tit fell loose, but I wasted no time in getting to work.

While she was still stroking me tenderly, I leaned forward and began to suck on the tattooed woman’s nipple. Eclipse’s hand found the back of my head and rubbed sensually as I flicked my tongue over the nipple vigorously and then sucked on it as delicately as I possibly could.

When I finally pulled back and looked at Eclipse again, she had a look of absolute hunger plastered on her face. Her pupils were as narrow as pinpricks, and her bottom lip was so far under her teeth that I worried she might injure herself.

Eclipse released my erection, wiggled backward, and then reached down and tugged off her loose-fitting clothes. The shirt came first, and it released her giant, voluptuous breasts. As soon as they were free, each one plopped down and then bounced happily in unison. Eclipse’s tattoos were now on full display, and each one was a small piece of the puzzle that was her artwork of a body.

My cock grew even harder in my pants, and Eclipse definitely noticed.

The tattooed succubus’ eyes went wide as she looked down and let out a silent gasp. Then she rocked over to one side, slid her pants down one leg, and then repeated the action with the other. Eclipse tossed her pants nonchalantly to the side, and I was now staring at her in all of her glory.

“Now for you,” she whispered and began to fumble with my belt.

Within seconds, my pants were down, and my rock-hard cock was free.

Eclipse licked her lips as she felt my massive member, and then it looked like the lightbulb came on in her head. In a single motion, the succubus turned her whole body around and then lowered herself down so her pussy was right in my face and her mouth was only inches from my cock.

I couldn’t see what the beautiful woman was doing down beneath the covers of the sleeping bag, but I could sure as fuck feel it.

Eclipse’s soft, tender lips pressed up against the head of my cock. Then her tongue slid out from her mouth and began to run up and down the length of my dick ever-so-softly. At the same time, the tattooed woman’s hand cupped my balls and rubbed them sensually in time with the licks.

I arched my head back and restrained the moan that threatened to escape my throat. I needed something to keep me from making a sound, or at least something that would muffle it.

That’s when I got the devilish idea.

I gently rubbed my hands against Eclipse’s curvy ass, and then I pulled her down onto my face. My tongue found her clitoris instantly, and I felt her thighs tense up as I went to town on her pussy.

Meanwhile, the tattooed succubus’ licks quickly turned to kisses, which then turned into a full-on blowjob. Her lips wrapped around the head of my cock before she slowly slid down as far as her throat would allow her to go.

My balls tightened when I bottomed out in Eclipse’s throat, but I wasn’t going to finish quite yet. I increased the intensity of my tongue motions, and I felt her do the same.

Eclipse’s mouth started to make wet slurping sounds as she bobbed her head with the speed of a woodpecker, and I let out a brief, muffled moan against her body. The next thing I knew, the succubus pulled my cock out of her mouth, took it in her hands, and licked it like a fucking lollipop.

I could feel myself building up toward the edge of the cliff, but I wanted to make sure she got there, too. When her body began to spasm and her thighs wrapped around my head like a vice, I knew I was on the right track.

Finally, I heard Eclipse let out a small whimper, and her entire lower half went rigid. Her orgasm didn’t make much of a sound, but her entire body spasmed as if it were being hit with a charge of one-thousand volts. Then she let out a deep, hushed moan, and that was good enough for me.

My hips bucked so my cock pushed deeper into her sweet mouth, and I unloaded a gusher of my warm seed into Eclipse.

She purred as my orgasm filled her, but then she quickly took care of it. Somehow, she swallowed it all without so much as lifting her head off my erection.

I wasn’t going to ask questions, that was for sure.

Once we had both finished orgasming, the succubus turned her body back around so she could face me again.

“That was fun,” she winked, “but we’re not done yet. I fucking want you inside of me.”

Just hearing Eclipse say the words, plus the fact that her giant breasts were now hanging just in front of my face, brought me back to half-mast instantly.

The tattooed woman widened her eyes in surprise, but then her entire expression turned to determination. She positioned herself so her sopping-wet pussy lips were wrapped around the width of my dick, and then she slowly started to grind against me.

It was a sensation I wasn’t quite used to, and I gripped the sides of the sleeping bag as I tried to hold back my sounds of pleasure. Within no time at all, Eclipse had me back at full mast.

Now, it was time for the fun to begin.

I grabbed the dark-haired woman around the hips, positioned her over my cock, and then slid myself inside of her.

Eclipse bit her lip and rolled her eyes back inside of her head as she came down on me, and then she let out a quiet whimper when I bottomed out inside of her.

She wasted no time in finding a rhythm as she began to ride me raw. Her sexy, supple breasts bounced with each movement she made, and I made sure to run my hands and tongue across each one as they passed by. Suddenly, Eclipse arched her body, leaned backward, and increased her intensity.

All I could see was her tight, curvy body as she bounced against my pelvis, and all I could feel was her wet, warm tunnel as it passed over my cock.

Eclipse tried to stifle a few more moans, but one of them slipped out accidentally. However, she didn’t stop. The tattooed beauty continued to ride me as her silent moans became closer and closer together, and her pussy started to tighten around my erection.

Thankfully, I was just about ready to blow, too.

All of the sudden, Eclipse threw herself forward, wrapped her arms behind my head, and ground against my dick like a fucking jackhammer.

This is what finally sent us both over the edge.

Eclipse’s warm tunnel spasmed around me as her climax reached its crescendo. At the same time, the warm coil tightened in my abdomen as I prepared to fill up the succubus.

Eclipse quivered around me for a few moments longer, and then she pulled back and looked deep into my eyes. However, she said nothing. Instead, she just started to ride me once more.

That was it for me. Maybe it was the look of determination on her face or the way her breasts were jiggling or just the simple fact that her pussy was as wet as a monsoon. Either way, I hit the mountaintop.

I placed my hand on Eclipse’s curvy ass and forced her all the way down onto my cock as I unloaded a massive shot of my seed inside of her.

“Holy fuck … ” she muttered as quietly as she could when she felt my love spread inside of her.

Then, after a few seconds of taking it all in, Eclipse crumpled into a heap on my chest. We both laid there, heaving and panting, until she finally looked up at me with her purple eyes.

“We should sleep on the floor more often,” I joked and gave her a peck on the cheek.

Eclipse rolled off my body, cuddled up beside me, and nuzzled into my arm.

“We really should,” she mused, “I just can’t believe we didn’t wake anybody up. Are you sure we were quiet enough?”

“Of course, we were,” I chuckled, “I’ve seen Todd sleep through a fucking airhorn before. And if any of the other succubi had woken up, well … they definitely would have gotten in on the action.”

“Fair enough,” the tattooed beauty admitted. “Now, I have one question for you, Jacob … do you think that did enough to wear you out?”

“I dunno,” I retorted, “we might have to go another round just to make sure I’m nice and tired.”

“Very funny,” Eclipse sighed, and then she laid her head down against my chest.

I summoned green Hellfire into my hands, tossed it around the zipper of my sleeping bag, and then ordered it to zip itself up. There was enough room for the two of us in this one bag, so I figured she could just stay right here. Not to mention, I wanted to keep Eclipse as close to me as I possibly could.

This time, when I stared up at the ceiling, I didn’t have an issue feeling drowsy. I guess fucking a beautiful succubus woman did that to you.

So, I closed my eyes as I tried not to think about the road ahead. It was a damn long road, but it was a path I trusted.

Tomorrow, we’d head into the second and third rings of the Seventh Circle, find Gressil, and then take him out.

Ready or not … here comes Team Ralston.

Chapter 14

“Wakey, wakey, Liz and Jakey!” the nasally voice of Todd giggled through the fog of my slumber. “Come on, bro, the Green Goblin isn’t gonna kill himself.”

My eyes opened up slightly to the sight of the tiny, horned imp standing over me, and I nearly sat straight up and slugged him out of instinct. However, I was able to keep my composure, and instead I just rubbed my eyes groggily and let out a grumble of annoyance.

“Good morning, Todd,” I sighed, “now if you could please give me some space … Your manhood is way too close to the top of my head for my comfort. Or at least, the spot where your manhood should be, that is.”

“Oh, it’s there, Jakey,” the imp reassured me as he patted his groin, “but like all great things in life, it’s gotta be kept under lock and key any time it’s not in use.”

“That was really too much information,” Eclipse yawned as she stirred in my arms. “I don’t even know how that works, and I really don’t want to know.”

“We’re not good enough friends for me to share that info, Lizbeth,” Todd giggled. “The only people who know about the schlongster are me, myself, and Palmala Handerson.”

“Palmala Handerson?” the tired-eyed succubus questioned with a confused scowl.

“Ya know,” Todd shot back, “the schlong tongs. The biscuit hooks. The meaty claws.”

When Eclipse still didn’t seem to get it, the imp sighed and then made a jerking pantomime, even though he was still standing over my head.

“Bro!” I groaned as I pulled my head away. “No homo!”

Todd looked down, smiled mischievously, but did not stop making the motion.

“What’s the matter, Jakey?” he snickered. “Afraid of the ‘ol phantom splooge, are ya?”

“Leave them alone, Todd,” Eligor sighed from across the room, “the sooner they are up and dressed, the sooner we can head out.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Todd said with a dismissive wave of his hand, “I’ll let the two lovebirds get dressed. I’m fucking starving anyways. Saaaay … what kinda grub do ya got down here, Goldilocks?”

The imp scurried over toward the shelf with all of the supplies, and then the bunker was filled with the sounds of cans and boxes crashing against the floor.

“Wait, Todd!” Eligor called out as she ran over to the scene of the chaos. “I just organized those!”

The two continued to bicker, and the commotion drew an uncharacteristic smile from Eclipse. She looked up at me with her beautiful violet eyes as she grinned tenderly, and her soft, naked body was still as warm as the summer sun.

Honestly, I thought about going for another round right then and there.

“You two are sooo cute together,” Libidine’s giggled from her cot.

“I agree,” Sia noted with a coy smile, “I’m just surprised none of us woke up last night. Knowing how Jacob does things, I’d imagine it was difficult to keep it down.”

A slight blush crept up my face, but I shook my head and laughed as I sat up in my sleeping bag.

“What can I say?” I shrugged. “Eclipse is a master of stealth, and she put her talents to work in the best way possible.”

“It’s a shame,” Gula bemoaned as she bit her lip and looked me up and down, “I totally would have joined in if I knew what was going on.”

The thought of the curvy redhead entangled in our throes of passion made my dick throb in my pants, but I had to put that image aside for now.

We needed to get going if we ever wanted to get to the other rings of the Seventh Circle and find Gressil.

So, I stood up, and all of the women in the room let out an audible gasp, followed by a few wolf whistles. I just rolled my eyes as I walked over, pulled my underwear and pants back up around my waist, and then tugged my shirt over my head. As I turned around, however, I noticed Eclipse was still naked as a jaybird.

“As much as I love seeing you like that,” I joked to the dark-haired succubus, “aren’t you gonna put your clothes back on? There’s gonna be a lot of things out there trying to kill us.”

“Thanks to our little ceremony, I don’t need my armor,” she reminded me.

Eclipse summoned black Hellfire all around her body, and it swirled around her arms and legs until it finally came to a halt at her various tattoos. Next, the inked images on her body began to change color and spread until her entire torso and bottom were covered by the rough, hide-like armor. Eclipse placed her hand on her hip sassily and tilted her head to add the exclamation point to her statement.

“Fine, fine,” I chuckled and picked up the first piece of my armor, “point made.”

“Goin’ commando in samurai armor, eh?” Todd mused through a mouthful of an unidentified food. “Bold choice, Lizbeth.”

The imp’s lips smacked loudly as he chewed up whatever the fuck was in his mouth. He had a jar of it in his hand, and I could only see a few tiny, round balls that floated inside of a translucent red fluid. Bits of bright orange goo ran down Todd’s chin as he devoured the cuisine, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Whatcha got there, bro?” I questioned cautiously.

“Oh, these are Vargrat eggs,” the imp retorted nonchalantly, and then he held out the jar. “You want some, bro? They may look like fucking tarantula testicles, but they taste like some gourmet shit.”

“Vargrats lay … eggs?” I asked through a slight gag. “I thought they were rodents?”

“This is Hell, Jacob,” Sia reminded me, “the laws of Earth Realm do not apply to the creatures who dwell in this place.”

“I guess not.” I shuddered and then picked up the final piece of my armor.

Libidine ran over and helped me fasten my breastplate to my chest, and then I was all set to go.

“Now, there’s the handsome king we all know and love,” Gula purred, “you almost look sexier in your armor than you do in the buff. Almost.”

Todd stopped, mid-chew, and then looked down at the eggs inside of the jar. He allowed the one in his mouth to plop back into the red liquid, and then he tightened the lid with haste as he made a sour expression.

“I think I’m done with these, Goldilocks,” Todd muttered as he extended the jar back out to the knight. “I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.”

“I don’t want those back!” Eligor protested. “They’ve been in your mouth!”

“Say no more.” Todd nodded, and then he tossed the jar casually over his shoulder.

The container shattered against the brimstone ground, and it sent shards of glass, red liquid, and Vargrat eggs across the floor.

Eligor stared the imp down intensely, but he didn’t seem to notice. Todd just sat there and picked at his teeth with his claws as the Knight of Hell looked at him with murder in her eyes.

“Uh, Eligor?” I raised my finger to try and divert her attention. “How about you take us back up?”

“Sure,” the blonde knight grumbled, and then she summoned lime green Hellfire into her hands. “This whole place is going to start smelling like pickles and vinegar here in a minute, anyway.”

Eligor closed her eyes and concentrated as the spells in her hand danced in unison. Then there was a loud sound from outside the bunker, and the entire structure began to tremble and shake as we ascended. Finally, after a few minutes of travel, Eligor released her spell.

The bikini-clad knight sauntered over to the door, pushed it open, and then created another land bridge with her elemental magic. She motioned for us to follow, and we were all soon outside the brimstone dwelling and back on the cliffs of the Seventh Circle.

“You know,” Gula giggled as she watched Eligor send the bunker back into the depths below, “I bet Invidia would adore this kind of dwelling.”

“Oh boy,” Libidine chimed in, “if Vidia had a bunker she could hide deep underground that she could move around at her will, I don’t think we’d ever see her again. Her seclusion on the Shrieking Mountains is bad enough!”

“Now, girls,” Sia warned, “Sister Invidia doesn’t lock herself away because she doesn’t like to be around us. She just needs to be alone every now and again so she can recharge her batteries. She would be what the humans call an ‘introvert.’”

“Pfffft,” Todd scoffed, “ya mean that title given out by those little personality quizzes on the internet? Those things are totally false. I took one once that told me if I was one of the Rugrats, I’d be Dill. Nobody wants to be fucking Dill, Strawberry Shortcake!”

“I don’t think it’s just determined by internet quizzes, Todd,” I tried to explain, but he wasn’t having any of it, “it was actually coined by a psychologist in the early twentieth century … ”

The imp looked at me inquisitively, but then he shook his head and clicked his tongue.

“Nah, bro,” he dismissed the claim, “what’s next, are you gonna tell me I’m a Caesar Salad just because my favorite color is red? Or maybe I’m Squidward because I’ve never eaten caviar? It’s all a bunch of pseudoscience set up by the Man, Jakey.”

“Well yeah, the online quizzes aren’t accurate,” I explained, “but--”

“Bro,” Todd interjected as he slapped his hands against my cheeks and looked me intensely in the eyes, “they told me I should listen to Hansen. Hansen, bro. End of story. Case closed. That is my final answer.”

I rolled my eyes as I realized nothing was going to get through to Todd on this one, and then I pulled away from the imp and turned to address my friends.

“Alright, guys,” I sighed, “I’m not even sure where to start on this one. Are any of you familiar with this Circle at all?”

“I’m afraid not,” Sia shook her head, “nobody really is. As you can imagine, Abaddon isn’t exactly a welcoming King. He and his minions are the only ones who possibly know this place inside and out, and even that is debatable. All I know is the different rings are subterranean, and they go in descending order.”

“We can work with that,” I admitted as I looked around at the landscape around us.

Now that the sun was out, the entire Seventh Circle was on display. I could see all the yellows of the limestone that made up the ground, as well as the bright crimson of the river of blood. The sky was now a shade of gray, though it threatened to turn black at any moment.

“Was the blood flowing so quickly before?” Eligor asked curiously as she squinted off into the distance. “It seems like it’s almost rapid-like today.”

“Oh man, Goldilocks,” Todd snickered under his breath, “you’re talking about ‘blood’ and ‘flow’ in the same sentence. You’re just asking me to pick the low-hanging fruit.”

“It’s probably gravity,” Gula suggested, “since we’re higher up here on the cliffs, the blood’s all getting pulled down at a quicker speed than it is when it’s just on the regular ground.”

Todd bit his lip and stifled a laugh, but he still didn’t go for the obvious joke.

“I wonder if it has a source,” Eligor pondered aloud, “if it’s all the way up here and flowing downward, there has to be a place where it all starts. Which begs the question, what could possibly be the source of this much blood?”

“I dunno,” I admitted, “but I don’t think that’s where we’d find the entrance to the next ring. Especially if … ”

Suddenly, I had an epiphany.

“Especially if what?” Eligor questioned.

“Especially if Sia is right, and the rings go in descending order,” I elaborated, “if that’s the case, then--”

“The River of Blood would be flowing downward, into the next ring!” Libidine exclaimed.

“Exactly,” I nodded, “which means all we have to do to find the next layer of this godforsaken place is to follow the river until it reaches its end.”

“Not a bad idea,” Eligor admitted, “but doesn’t it split off into different branches? How will we know which one to follow?”

“It’ll be the main one,” I continued, “in the limited time I’ve been down here, I’ve noticed something. There seems to be one continuous path, from all the way in the Hunter’s Plains to, well, I don’t know, but I imagine it’d lead us to whatever is at the end of Hell. And that path is always a waterway of some sort. All we have to do is figure out which one of the branches is the ‘main’ path, and it will lead us straight to the second ring.”

“But how do we do that?” Gula asked with a sigh. “It’s not like any of us have a wayfinding spell.”

“We don’t,” I grinned and fumbled around in my pocket, “but we know somebody who does.”

After a second or two of searching, my hand brushed up against the heavy piece of metal in my pocket. I pulled out the gold coin, placed it firmly between my thumb and index finger, and held it up for everyone to see.

“Charon’s coin!” Libidine gasped. “Jacob, you’re a genius!”

“I’m still kinda lost,” Eclipse admitted. “How does a gold coin help us find our way?”

“This isn’t just any old gold coin,” I explained, “Charon, the Great Ferryman of Hell--”

“I thought we agreed not to call him that,” Todd whispered loudly, “it’s the twenty-first century, bro.”

“Uh, right,” I sighed and then pushed forward, “this is the magical trinket that allows us to travel between the different Circles via the River of Souls, which apparently turns into the River of Blood here in the Seventh Circle. All you have to do is enchant it with a little bit of purple Hellfire, and it’ll guide you through the River of Souls on its own!”

As I said the words, I summoned violet flames into my hand and allowed them to light up Charron’s coin with their glow. Then I tossed the coin up into the air, where it floated ominously, before the coin began to drift down the cliffs as it headed toward the River of Blood.

“Follow that coin!” I announced, and then Libidine’s arms wrapped around my body and lifted me up into the air.

The seven of us rocketed down the sides of the brimstone hills as we kept the floating purple and gold trinket in our sights. When it got down to where it was hovering over a flat surface, we set ourselves down and continued on foot.

My team chased the glowing gold coin for nearly a mile before we came to the first fork in the river. Thankfully, now that it was on its regular course, our wayfinder slowed down to a walking pace, and it was easy to keep up with.

The fucking thing didn’t even pause to consider which path it needed to go down, though. It just floated off to the right without a second’s hesitation, and we continued to follow.

Finally, after about an hour and a half’s worth of walking, I saw our destination.

About two-hundred feet ahead of us, the orangish-brown limestone disappeared, replaced by a giant, dark hole in the ground that swallowed up the flowing river like it was an oversized gullet.

“That has to be it,” I huffed as I leaned over on my thighs and tried to catch my breath. “The river seems to end here.”

“Holy fuck, I’m outta shape,” Todd wheezed as he plopped down on the ground and stared up at the sky hopelessly. “Go on without me, Jakey. I don’t think my tiny little legs can keep up any more.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Todd,” Libidine sighed, “we move as a team. We always have, and we always will.”

“I could carry you on my back, if you want,” I joked and wiped the sweat from my brow, “yoda-style.”

“Very nice, that would be,” Todd snickered in the Jedi master’s voice. “But too heavy, I am. Too many pot brownies, I have eaten.”

“You’ll be fine,” Eligor reassured the imp as she glanced over the edge of the pit. “I wonder how far this goes … ”

The blonde knight summoned red Hellfire into her hands and then tossed it down into the deep chasm. She watched it for a few seconds, stepped back, and then rubbed her chin as she calculated.

“What do you think, Eligor?” Sia questioned.

“It’s probably about five-hundred feet down,” Eligor announced. “Not too far. At least this one is very wide, so we have less of a chance of injury going down.”

“What she said, that is,” Todd-yoda snickered.

“Seems pretty straightforward to me.” I nodded. “I’ll go first. With a little bit of help from somebody with wings, of course.”

“I’m on it!” Gula called out as she fluttered over and wrapped her arms around me tightly. “Hold onto your hat, Jacob.”

The Sister of Gluttony yanked me up into the air and then zipped over so we were above the massive hole. Then she lowered us down with the grace of a falcon as she made sure to avoid the droplets of hot blood that splattered off the waterfall. Finally, after a few minutes of descending, my feet hit solid ground.

It was pitch black down here, so much so, I couldn’t see my hand if I held it only a few inches from my face.

“Let’s hit the lights,” I whispered to Gula.

I summoned red Hellfire into my hands, and the Sister of Gluttony did the same. Suddenly, the landscape before us was brightened by the glow of our spells, but it still wasn’t much. Even with both of us radiating red Hellfire, we could only see a few feet in front of our position.

Then again, it didn’t look like there was much to see. The space in front of us was desolate and dark, with a brimstone ground that looked like it did in all the other Circles.

Slowly but surely, I heard the other five members of the group land next to us without incident, and then they all lit up their hands with red flames.

Even then, the visibility in this ring of the Seventh Circle was shit.

“Huh,” Libidine mused as she looked around, “I would have figured this was the most messed-up Circle of them all, with the suicides and whatnot.”

“We’ve still got quite a ways to go,” I reminded the Sister of Lust, “so everybody keep your eyes peeled. I have no idea what kinda sadistic shit is down here.”

It was strange. Even though we’d come down a hole in the ground to get to the second ring of the Seventh Circle, there were no barriers around us. No walls. No ceiling. It was almost like we had been transported to a completely different dimension.

The team trudged forward slowly, and we made sure to inspect every single step we took. There had to be more to this place than just pure darkness, and I didn’t want to be caught off guard. We walked for about fifteen minutes, until I saw something shuffle past the corner of my eye.

“Guys!” I hissed. “There’s somebody up there.”

I placed my hand on the hilt of the Unhallowed Sword as we continued forward. As we got closer to the spot where I’d seen the shadow, I realized there was not just one, but many, many shadows. In fact, they weren’t shadows at all.

They were Shades.

The seven of us halted our gait as we looked over the crowd and tried to count just how many there were, but it was futile. The gathering of Shades seemed to stretch on as far as our eyes could see.

The figures were not very animated, either. Each one simply hung their heads and wore a look of pure despair on their faces as they shuffled about aimlessly.

“What are they doing?” Gula whispered fearfully. “Can they not see us?”

“They see you,” Eligor warned darkly, “but they don’t care. They’re doomed to wander this barren, dark landscape aimlessly until the end of time itself.”

“Damn,” I sighed, “I don’t know which is worse, this, or the harpies.”

“The harpies,” Eligor shot back without missing a beat. “I can assure you it’s the harpies. Now, we just need to get over these guys … ”

There was a flash of purple as Eligor summoned her wings, and then several more as the rest of my friends called forth their own. Gula picked up Sia, and like clockwork, I felt Libidine’s massive breasts pressing up against my back as she lifted me up into the sky, and then we began to fly over the crowd of lost Shades.

Seeing them from this angle was far worse. Now that we were airborne, I could see there were thousands of the poor bastards. Some of them looked up at us helplessly as we passed overhead, but there was nothing we could do to help them.

They were in Abaddon’s domain, and he was the only one who could decide their fate.

It took us nearly twenty minutes before we cleared the crowd of Shades, but we were finally able to land on the ground once more. Almost instantaneously, we heard the sound of a human voice off in the distance.

“Should we investigate?” Sia asked as we continued to follow the floating coin. “Whoever is speaking might be of some assistance to us.”

“Ohhhhh, no,” Todd warned, “following a voice in the darkness? That’s like, classic horror movie set-up number one, Strawberry Shortcake.”

“It doesn’t look like we have a choice,” I sighed and pointed at Charon’s coin, which was now floating straight toward the distant sound. “Come on.”

As we continued down the path the coin took us, the voice became clearer and clearer.

“ … your crimes against humanity, which were many, I might add, are only part of why you have been sentenced to this fate,” the man’s voice announced with the gusto of a judge, “you cheated on your wife, stole from your company, and kept your children in a constant state of lies. You were an embarrassment to your parents, and you couldn’t even find true companionship with your family pet. Worst of all … you left your heartbroken family behind.”

Now that we were closer, our Hellfire illuminated the scene. A figure in a dark black hood stood up on the gallows, and it was reading from a book as a Shade stood beside him with a noose around his neck.

“P-Please!” the Shade begged. “I’m sorry! I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I swear they’ll never happen again!”

“And for your sins, you shall pay!” the hooded figure bellowed, and then he pulled the lever on the other side of his body.

The ground was pulled out from underneath the Shade, and there was a loud, wet crack as his weight was caught by the noose. However, he didn’t die.

Instead, the Shade flailed about frantically as the rope choked the breath out of him. All the while, the hangman threw his head back and cackled.

“Next?” he called out as we passed by, but he was too focused on his work to pay us any attention.

Judging by the massive line of Shades in front of the gallows, this guy still had a lot of work to do.

“Worst theme park ride ever, bro.” Todd shuddered as the scene disappeared out of our light. “Like, seriously, I’ll never complain about Pirates of the Caribbean ever again.”

“Yeah, if I wasn’t convinced Abaddon was a psychopath before,” I joked, “I am now.”

As we ventured further into the second ring of the Seventh Circle, I felt a change inside my body. Everything suddenly seemed more tense, and my heart hammered away in my chest anxiously. I experienced a sense of extreme dread and despair as I looked at the darkness around us.

This was one fucked up place.

Just when I was at the peak of my existential dread, I was snapped back to reality by the sound of human screams. They were mixes of male and female, young and old, and it sounded like whatever they were going through was excruciating.

When we finally came upon the sight, I could see why.

The light of our Hellfire illuminated the base of a large tree.

“Oh my god … ” Libidine gasped.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Gula added as she put her hand over her mouth.

There, in the tree, were the screaming Shades. Their bodies had been nailed into the branches in various grisly ways, including a man who dangled down from the tree, held to its black bark only by a spike that had been driven through his head. Other Shades were attached to the tree at the torso, neck, feet, and hands, and there were large pools of blood below where they hung.

But that wasn’t even close to the worst part.

No, the worst part was the creatures who dined on their flesh.

Around each Shade were several harpies. Each of them had the face of a different woman, with different colors of hair and varying degrees of beauty. What they all had in common, however, were their bodies. The harpies’ torsos were naked human women, though none of them looked attractive in the least. Where their arms would normally be, they all had large, black, feathered wings nearly three times the size of their bodies and that folded up like a hawk’s when they weren’t in motion. The creatures’ lower halves were equally as avian, as they had a squared-off tail and two long, yellow legs with raptor-like feet and talons at the end.

They tore at the flesh of the Shades with both their spiked teeth and their six-inch talons, and as they did so, they let out the most horrific shrieking noise I’d ever heard.

I didn’t know what was worse, the screaming of the Shades, or the screeching of the harpies. Either way, I wanted to get the fuck out of here.

“Let’s go, guys,” I whispered to the rest of the group, “I don’t think they’ve seen us yet.”

“They can’t see at all,” Eligor explained in a hush, “they navigate based on sound and scent alone. You kinda have to down here in the dark.”

“Even better,” I explained. “There’s no way they can hear us over the screams of their victims, but I don’t wanna take the chance.”

I motioned for my friends to follow me, and then we continued our journey into the second ring.

“I dunno about you guys,” Todd sighed as we approached a large hill, “but this place is like, a total downer for me.”

“I don’t think it’s supposed to be anything else,” I mused as we started up a nearby hill, “this is the place where suicides end up. Of course, it’s gonna be dark as fuck.”

“I’m just wondering why Abaddon is so scared of this place,” Eligor pondered aloud. “Everything we’ve encountered down here so far has either been simple to sneak past, or hasn’t even bothered to look our way. No wonder Gressil and his men got through here so--”

As we came up over the hill, all of us froze in our tracks.

Down in the valley below, there were several small fires that illuminated the landscape more so than anything else we’d seen up to this point.

Bodies of small, goblin-like creatures were scattered all across the valley, many of which appeared to have been torn limb-from-limb. All of them had on scale-mail armor, and the bodies all seemed to have fallen with a weapon in their hands. Another quick glance revealed several small tents, some pots, and holes for a latrine.

This must have been a camp at some point.

“Those are Gressil’s henchmen,” Sia explained. “Or, at least, some of them.”

“They must have had the same idea as Eligor here,” Libidine muttered, “they thought it was safe to camp out in this ring, but something must have come along and really messed up their days.”

“I’ve got a bad feeling that if we stick around, we might find out what it was,” I shuddered, “come on, let’s keep pushing forward before--”

From above, there was a sudden, ear-piercing shriek, and I looked up quickly to see a harpy darting straight toward us with pure rage on its face.

I tossed up a shield of purple Hellfire in front of the monster, and it slammed into it at breakneck speed.

Quite literally. As the harpy struck the barrier, its head twisted at an awkward angle with a loud crack, and then its body fell to the ground, limp.

Then the world went silent. All of the harpies had stopped shrieking, and the pure, alarming quietness of the world made my skin crawl.

“Oh no … ” Eclipse gasped as she stared up at the sky and summoned black Hellfire into her hands. “Guys, you’re gonna want to see this!”

I flipped around to face the direction Eclipse was, and my heart sank down into my chest.

The sound of beating wings filled the air around us, and I saw hundreds, if not thousands, of beady, glowing eyes in the sky.

It was an army of harpies, and we must have just accidentally rang their dinner bell.

Chapter 15

“How the fuck did they know we were here?” I hissed as quietly as I could and summoned purple and green Hellfire into my hands. “I thought they could only navigate by sound and smell?”

“A colony of harpies is like a hive mind,” Sia explained, “you kill one of them, and they’re all going to know about it.”

“Well, brace yourselves,” I announced to all of my friends as I clapped my hands together and combined the two shades of fire in my hands, “because things are about to get a lot more interesting.”

I threw up three walls of green-violet flames around our position just as the harpies began to strike. The air was filled with horrific shrieks as they hit the shield and disappeared through its glow.

However, I wasn’t sending them out the sides or to another part of the battlefield.

No, I made the harpies shoot straight back up through the same spot they entered. Right back into the path of their incoming brethren.

The shrieks turned into painful yelps as the harpies collided and went skittering off in all directions. A few of them struck each other so hard, they went limp and fell out of the sky.

“Good thinking,” Eligor noted, “but even with this shield around us, we’re only at a standstill. The harpies might be of a hive mind, but they aren’t stupid. They’ll figure out what’s happening soon enough, and then we’ll have to think of another move.”

“First things first,” I said as I looked around the dark landscape, “we need to get some more visibility out here, or we’re gonna be fighting blind.”

“Ironic,” Eclipse muttered.

“Could Firecracker over here just give us all a boost?” Todd suggested. “That would make our fire go from little spittle to full on gushing geyser.”

“That’d still only give us a few more feet of visibility,” I explained, “what we need is to light up the whole sky … ”

“I have an idea,” Libidine suggested, “but it’s kinda macabre.”

“Again with the Macaws,” Todd interjected, “you guys keep talking about ‘em, but I’ve yet to see one down here.”

“I’m open to anything at this point,” I growled as I tried to hold onto my spell.

“You know those horrific trees?” Liby suggested. “The ones with all the people on them?”

“Those are basically giant sticks of dry wood!” Eligor gasped.

“Exactly,” the Sister of Lust continued, “all we have to do is light them on fire, and they’ll act as giant torches. Of course, that also means the Shades are gonna get burned, too.”

“Jesus, that is macabre,” I agreed, “but it just might work. Get ready to move!”

I looked around at all of my friends and gave them the signal, and then we all took off running back down the hill with my shields still activated.

The harpies must have caught on to what was happening with my spell, because they stopped their assault immediately. The grisly creatures floated in the air as they stared down at us with their glowing, human eyes, and they followed us as we ran back toward the giant tree.

When we finally arrived back at the trunk of the suicide tree, I decast the green from my hand and replaced it with a ball of red Hellfire. Then I slammed my glowing fist into the violet shield and watched as the incendiary flames slowly crawled around its borders. Once my barrier was completely covered with the deadly fire, I scooted over, pressed the left side against the tree, and then observed as the bark caught fire.

The red flames danced up the tree gracefully and, within seconds, the entire thing was on fire.

The sound of the Shades screaming in agony was nearly unbearable, but I could find solace in the fact that they would be fine when all was said and done. All that mattered was the battlefield was illuminated, and that was exactly what had happened.

“There’s another one over there!” Libidine called out and pointed across the landscape.

We ran over to the second tree, set it on fire, and then moved on to the next one we could find. When all was said and done, we had set fire to ten trees, all of which were lined up in a giant circle.

More importantly, we could finally see everything around us.

“There are a looot more of those hags than I thought, bro.” Todd shuddered as he looked up at the harpies in the sky. “Normally, being surrounded by a bunch of topless women would be a dream come true for the Toddster. Like, literally I had this dream the other night. Totally ruined my sheets and everything. But, like, do these things have human parts down there, or bird? I’m all for free demon-on-demon love, but fucking a literal duck is no bueno, bro. And the mouth is outta the question. With those teeth, one wrong move, and your banana is split!”

“We can talk about harpy anatomy later, bro,” I reminded the imp, “right now, we need to kill these fucking things.”

“There’s way too many of them to outright kill,” Sia observed, “they’ll overwhelm us in minutes.”

“Not if we find the Borg Queen, Strawberry Shortcake,” Todd corrected.

“The what?”

“The Borg Queen,” Todd reiterated with a deep sigh, “am I the only one who watches Star Trek around here? You said these saggy-titted monstrosities were like a hive, right? Where they all follow one leader?”

“I think I know where he’s going with this,” I agreed. “We need to find the head harpy and kill her. That’s the only way we’re going to make it out of this alive. How do we know which one is the leader?”

“Oh, you’ll know the Harpy Queen when you see her,” Eligor explained, “she’s quite distinctive.”

“So, now what?” Gula protested. “Do we just sit here playing ‘I Spy’ until we find her?”

“Not a chance,” I announced. “You know me, Gula. I’m never one to just sit around and wait. We take out as many of them as we possibly can, and maybe that will draw the queen out. Once she sees we’re killing so many of her precious subjects, she’ll probably want to deal with us herself.”

“Bold strategy, cotton,” Todd giggled, “let’s see how it plays out.”

“Be ready to go on the offensive as soon as I give the signal,” I announced. “Three … two … ”

Before I could finish, emerald flames lit up the sky. Two of the harpies nearest to our shield were engulfed by green Hellfire and then tossed directly into the flaming tree.

They squawked and screamed as their flesh melted from their bones, and their feathers were turned to little more than ash until finally, both of them fell to the ground, dead.

The other harpies looked down at their fallen comrades in horror, but then their eyes turned back to us as they let out an inhuman hiss of rage.

“Oopsie,” Libidine giggled, “I guess I jumped the gun.”

“Go!” I commanded, and then I decast my protective spell and drew the Unhallowed Sword from its sheath.

The harpies didn’t waste a moment. They swooped down on us the second the shield was removed, and the area around me was lit up by flashes of different colored Hellfire.

I spun around and lopped off the head of my first attacker with the sword. Without halting my momentum, I tossed a handful of yellow shuriken into the crowd of monsters and then ducked down as their bodies tumbled past my position. As I came up, I tossed out a quick shield of purple to deflect the incoming talons of a harpy, and then I stabbed it through the gut with my blade. It writhed in agony as its blood splashed out onto my breastplate, and then I finished it off by evaporating its head with a shot of red flames.

Before I could reorient myself, I had to knock away another blow with a cast of purple. Then I summoned silver Hellfire into my hand, threw it around the metal ball on my belt, and ordered it to liquify. I transformed the liquified metal into a large, pointed javelin and then launched its tip forward. The weapon skewered at least six harpies, which I then finished off with a cast of yellow fire.

I liquified my weapon again and called it back to my belt as I tumbled forward out of the way of another incoming harpy. When I sprang up, I saw I was now standing next to Eclipse.

The armored succubus was fending off harpies with both ends of her naginata. She lopped off body parts of her attackers before she spun around and struck them with the blunt end of her weapon.

“Why don’t you just suck the light from their eyes?” I asked in a huff as I sliced down another creature.

“They’re already blind!” Eclipse retorted. “There’s not much more I can do on that front. But there is something I can do. Gula! Can you boost me?”

“On it!” I heard the Sister of Gluttony call out from somewhere in the chaos.

Suddenly, the biggest fireball I’d ever seen came rocketing through the crowd, incinerating every single harpy that found itself in its path. Immediately after came a beam of brown Hellfire that surrounded Eclipse in its glow and took her power levels up a notch.

The tattooed succubus called forth her black Hellfire, spun around, and then launched a massive, floating ball of black flames into the air.

“You might wanna hold yourself down!” she exclaimed as she summoned forth her wings.

I blasted a few harpies with red Hellfire before I switched to silver. I liquified the ball on my belt, turned it into two small metal straps, and then tossed them down around my feet and into the ground.

Eclipse’s flames began to swirl, and then they turned into a miniature black hole in the sky.

The harpies flapped their wings frantically as they tried to escape its gravitational pull, but it was no use. The monsters were yanked out of the sky and sucked into the abyss with a squawk and a puff of black Hellfire.

Eclipse beat her wings heavily in a backward motion as she held her position, and I felt myself being pulled toward the black hole, too.

Thankfully, the metal spikes around my feet were enough to keep me from moving.

Finally, after about fifty harpies had been taken out, Eclipse decast her spell and let out a sigh.

“How’s that for crowd control?” she mused with a giggle.

Suddenly, a handful of yellow daggers zipped past our position and took down a bunch more harpies in the sky.

“Not bad,” Libidine purred as she threw down a few scatter shots of yellow daggers into the ground, “but watch the master do her work.”

Liby zipped past the two of us, shot up into the sky, and unleashed a slew of yellow daggers into the crowd of harpies. The enchanted spears seemed to miss their mark as they entered the crowd of harpies and flew past them harmlessly.

Or at least, that was what Libidine wanted them to think.

Then the Sister of Lust snapped her fingers, and the yellow daggers exploded like grenades. The resulting shockwave knocked the harpies out of the sky, where they were promptly impaled by the glowing skewers on the ground.

Suddenly, the ground underneath the shish kabobbed harpies began to glow with light green Hellfire, and then giant tendrils of brimstone rose out of the ground, with spikes still attached. The tendrils violently lashed out at the harpies in the air, and there were several splashes of dark red blood as the foul monsters were stabbed and bludgeoned to death.

Eligor flipped over in front of us as she stabbed a harpy through the forehead and then tossed it to the side like it was nothing. She then twirled around, sliced off another creature’s wing, and kicked it out of her way with her boot. All the while, she continued to hold her elemental spell.

“Holy fuck, Jakey,” Todd called out as he flew past me and blasted a few more harpies, “what are the chances you decided to roll with all the crowd-control ladies today?”

“Pretty high,” I chuckled as I shot another attacker down, “it’s almost like I thought we might encounter large groups of enemies!”

I brought down my sword directly into the head of an incoming harpy and split her skull directly in half. Her tongue flopped out of her mouth as I watched her twitch and writhe, but then I pushed her off my weapon with my foot.

“Has anyone seen Sister Superbia?” Eclipse asked as she sliced a harpy in half. “I hope she’s doing okay.”

“Oh, I think she’s doing fine,” Gula cackled as she rolled over to our position, got up on her knees, and took out an opponent with an uppercut swing of her axe. “But you can totally ask her yourself.”

A beam of black Hellfire struck a small group of harpies in front of us, and they shrieked as they tried to escape the magic prison. However, it was no use. Their already old faces began to wither away as the skin sagged off their faces, and their feathers began to fall out in massive clumps.

Within a few seconds, they were nothing but dried up corpses.

“You were asking about me?” Sia mused.

“I was just worried,” I grunted as I gave another harpy a third hole in her head, “that’s all. Has anyone found the queen yet?”

“That’s a negatory, Jakey,” Todd announced from behind me, “but it’s not for lack of trying. All these things look the same to me, bro.”

“Then you haven’t found the queen yet,” Eligor confirmed. “She’s probably … Aha! Jacob, we’ve got some company!”

I knocked away the talons of a harpy and then turned my attention to the sky.

Above us fluttered a harpy at least double the size of the regular ones. This thing had similar features, but had a robust, round face and a neck whose skin drooped down inches below where it should be held. The monster’s exposed breasts were wrinkly and lopsided, yet somehow still completely shriveled up, and the beating of her wings nearly knocked me off my feet as she slowly descended.

This was definitely the Harpy Queen.

The queen let out a gurgled screech and then lashed out at us with her giant talons.

I parried the attack with the Unhallowed Sword, spun around, and then lodged the tip of my blade firmly into her side.

The queen cawed in agony, and then her harpies began to swarm again. She struck me in the torso with her falcon-like foot, and I was sent tumbling back into the dirt.

The second I hit the ground, I threw up a wall of purple flames to dispel the incoming swarm. All the light in the world was blocked out as the harpies came down on me and tried to tear me limb from limb for harming their leader. Although my barrier was protecting me from their razor-sharp claws, I could feel myself being driven further and further back into the ground.

If I kept going at this rate, I would suffocate underneath a pile of brimstone.

So, I called forth green Hellfire into my hand, placed it at my back, and created a portal underneath my body. Thanks to the push of the harpies above me, I fell backward through it with next to no effort.

Then I commanded myself to appear in the sky, just above the Harpy Queen.

The second I reappeared from the green portal, I realized that was a fucking mistake.

The air around me was thick with shrieking harpies, and they zerg rushed me the second I was visible again.

I called forth purple Hellfire, slapped it against my breastplate, and covered myself with an enchanted armor. It surrounded my body seconds before I was hit by the first talon, and thankfully it held up against the deadly claw.

However, another harpy grabbed me by the arm and tossed me up further into the sky. As I ascended, a bunch more of the creatures swarmed.

I felt my limbs being yanked in all different directions, and I could feel the deadly talons stabbing into my body. The armor was holding up, but I didn’t know how long I could keep this going.

Instinctively, I summoned red Hellfire into my hands and blasted it in whatever direction the harpies had aimed them. There was a loud shriek as the fuckers were fried, and my arms were now freed.

Then I reached down, snatched the goat-headed dagger from my belt, and lashed out wildly. I heard the distinct splatter of blood as my blade sliced at the harpies, but none of them seemed to be letting up.

I needed to step up my game.

So, I called forth my silver flames in one hand and my green fire in another. I liquified the metal ball on my belt and then formed it into a circle of razor wire all around my body. Finally, I used the emerald flames to spin the razor wire like a top.

The harpies howled as they were disemboweled by the spinning strand of metal death and lurched away from my body. Gravity then took over, and I began to plummet toward the ground.

A few more of the harpies tried to snatch me up as I passed, but they paid the price with their talons.

Finally, there was nothing between me and the Harpy Queen but air.

I aimed myself so I was positioned just above the creature’s head, landed with my feet on her shoulders, and then drove the spinning wire into the back of her neck.

The Harpy Queen wailed in panic as the makeshift buzzsaw sliced her open and sent gore spraying into the air all around us. I felt her warm blood cover my entire body as I drove the saw deeper, but I wasn’t going to stop until this bitch was dead.

Finally, the Harpy Queen’s head popped up into the air like a champagne cork, hung in the air for a moment, and then hit the ground with a wet plop. Her body went limp, and I rode it to the ground as it fell.

I halted the momentum of the spinning razor wire, liquified it once more, and then returned it to my belt as I stepped off the queen’s body.

There was a stunned silence in the air as all of the harpies turned their attention to their dead queen. Several of them turned their heads inquisitively as they tried to figure out exactly what had happened, but none of them seemed to understand.

Then the swarms of harpies began to panic. The air was filled with squawking and yelps of confusion as the airborne monsters zipped off in all directions without rhyme or reason.

“It worked!” Sia gasped. “Without their queen, they have no idea what’s happening. They’re lost and confused.”

“More importantly,” I added as I returned to my friends, “they’re not attacking us.”

“That was a sick move, bro,” Todd noted, “it could totally be your wrestling finisher. We could call it the ‘Necksaw’ and everything.”

“You should be thanking Pazuzu,” I joked, “I got the idea from that snake-penised motherfucker.”

“All hail the snake-penis,” Todd snickered, “no homo.”

Our group watched as the army of harpies fluttered up into the sky and then disappeared in every direction possible.

“Abaddon probably isn’t gonna be too happy we fucked up the system in his Circle,” I observed.

“The harpies will find another queen,” Eligor explained as she wiped the blood off her swords, “it’s only a matter of time before another one steps up into the role, and they will be back to torturing those poor Shades for eternity. But for now, we are victorious.”

“Speaking of the Shades,” I noted as I turned back toward the burning trees, “is there any way we could put these things out?”

“On it.” Sia stepped up to the plate and blasted her black Hellfire around the nearest tree.

Instantly, the madame’s counter-magic spell caused the flames to sputter, flicker, and then die.

The Shades who had been attached to the branches were still alive, but they were covered from head to toe with third degree burns. Each one of them moaned loudly, almost as if every move they made hurt.

“Heal them up,” I ordered the petite redhead.

“Jacob … ” Eligor warned, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. He may not be antagonistic toward us right now, but this is still Abaddon’s Circle. He won’t take too kindly to you helping his Shades.”

“We have to, Eligor,” I shot back, “I’m not just going to sit there and watch these people suffer even more than they already have. Especially since the burns are our fault. Also, didn’t you say the harpies would be back anyways? Even if we heal them, they’ll get what they ‘deserve’ eventually.”

“I suppose,” the blonde knight sighed and crossed her arms, “but I still think it’s a bad idea.”

“Put out the rest of the fires and heal the Shades,” I commanded Sia, “then come rendezvous with us at the camp down at the foot of the hill.”

“I’ll be right there,” Sia confirmed, and then she blasted the tree with a shot of golden Hellfire.

The rest of us sauntered up the hill and then looked down at the carnage that had happened below.

“Well, on the plus side,” I joked to my friends, “it looks like Gressil’s forces have already been thinned for us.”

“But not Gressil himself,” Eligor noted, “there would have been much more fanfare if the King of the Sixth Circle was killed, especially if it was by Abaddon’s harpies.”

“Well, of course the Green Goblin got away,” Todd muttered, “there’s no Spidey here to catch him. Besides, he’s a fucking ‘endgame’ villain anyways. You never kill those guys during the first encounter.”

“This is great news for us, then,” Eclipse smiled, “we were prepared to fight Gressil’s entire army, but it looks like the harpies did most of the work for us.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” I shook my head and motioned for the rest of the team to follow me, “Gressil’s whole power set allows him to resurrect and mind control people, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he had an entire army of zombies the next time we saw him. I’m actually surprised he didn’t steal the Shades out of this ring and turn them to his side.”

“He probably tried,” Eligor noted, “but the harpies most likely scared them all off.”

“Wait … ” Gula gasped and then let out a disgruntled groan, “did anyone else notice there were no Shades in the first ring? Outside of the ones who served Abaddon, that is.”

“Mother fucker … ” I muttered as I realized she was right. “Do you think Gressil is responsible for that?”

“Probably,” Eligor shrugged, “that would also explain why Abaddon wanted us to go out and kill Gressil. He normally wouldn’t care about his harpies and his desert of fire, but the King of the Sixth Circle now has the one thing he fears. Disobedient Shades in large numbers.”

“Son of a bitch,” I growled.

“Abadabadoo played us, bro!” Todd exclaimed. “He fucking pulled the scrotum skin down over our eyes.”

“Wool, Todd,” I sighed and shook my head, “it’s ‘pulled the wool over our eyes.’”

“Not when he’s literally fucking us like this, it’s not!” the imp disagreed.

“We can deal with Abaddon’s lies later,” I reassured the group, “but for now, we need to push forward before the harpies come back.”

We waited at the foot of the hill for a few more minutes until Sia returned. Then we enchanted Charron’s coin and allowed it to lead the way once more.

The journey was much longer this time, but thankfully there was nothing to get in our way. Every now and again, we would hear a squawking harpy off in the distance or the scream of a tortured Shade. However, the only thing between us and the third ring of the Seventh Circle was a flat, dark field.

Eventually, we saw a large, circular glow off in the distance. As we got closer, the red shimmer got brighter, and its warmth radiated out of it like a furnace. When we finally approached the edge of the hole, the heat was nearly unbearable.

“This has to be it,” I announced to the group as I stared down into the abyss.

Unlike the previous gateway, there was no darkness here. Instead, the entire vertical tunnel was encased in dark red Hellfire. Down below, I could see ground that resembled a sandy beach.

This was definitely the entrance to the final ring, the place where we’d find Gressil.

We just had to survive the flames first.

I looked over at my friends cautiously, nodded, and then inched over to the edge. I was still covered head to toe with my enchanted purple armor, but I didn’t know if that was going to be enough.

There was only one way to find out.

So, I took a deep breath and then stepped off the side of the pit.

Chapter 16

My stomach flew up into my throat as the ground disappeared from underneath me, and I plummeted straight down into the tunnel of pure Hellfire. Even through my protective armor, I could feel the intense heat of the flames as I descended, and it was only made worse by the fact I was sweating bullets. I fell for what seemed like ages, and the whole time I worried my armor might give out and I would be fried to a toasty crisp. Or, even worse, my armor could get superheated, and I would then just boil from the inside out.

Neither one was the way I wanted to go.

Then, just below, I saw the sandy ground of the innermost ring. I quickly summoned green Hellfire into my left hand, slapped it against my chest, and covered myself with an emerald flame. I let out a grunt of determination as I tried to catch myself mid-fall, but I was going way too fast.

I had to do this. If I didn’t conjure up some better magic, I was going to end up in a crumpled heap at the bottom of this chasm. Even in the best-case scenario, the one where I break most of my bones but don’t die, it would still hurt like a bitch.

Green Hellfire was triggered by disgust and jealousy, so I needed to get really fucking disgusted, really fucking fast.

I closed my eyes and began to think about these last few days. I thought about how Abaddon had got us to do his dirty work for him, and how Gressil and Beelzebub were near the end of their long ploy.

If they succeeded, they would march into my Circle, kill all my friends, and turn my Shades into slaves once more.

The very thought made my stomach churn.

Suddenly, my body halted in place. I slowly opened my eyes and saw I was hovering a few feet from the sandy ground below, completely covered in a brilliant green flame. If I’d been just a few seconds later, I would have been in a world of hurt.

Instead, I lowered myself down onto the desert floor, decast my spell, and tried to take in my surroundings.

This was a desert, alright. There was nothing but large sand dunes as far as the eye could see, interspersed by an occasional rock formation. Off in the distance, I could see some stony hills, but that was it. Rather than the Mojave-like landscapes I was used to back home, this place was a lot more like the Sahara.

There was quite literally nothing around but me and sand. That was it.

Not to mention, the entire fucking place was on fire.

Intense flames radiated up off the landscape, almost as if each and every grain of sand was enchanted with the spell. It created a massive refraction wave on the horizon, and just looking at it made me feel exhausted. I could feel the heat against my armored feet, and I quickly tossed down a platform of purple, stepped up onto it, and then looked up to the sky.

I was the only one in my group who could harness the protective purple Hellfire, and I needed to make sure nobody else got burned on their way down. So, I closed my eyes, lifted my hands toward the tunnel opening, and then summoned up a tunnel of my own. This one was made out of pure violet Hellfire and was hopefully strong enough to protect my friends from the deadly flames.

I let the spell continue to climb until I finally heard a loud whistle from all the way up above. Then I halted my flames and waited.

Eligor was the first one down, as she carried herself on her large, black angel wings. Libidine came next, and she carried Superbia in her arms. Then came Todd, Gula, and finally Eclipse.

As each of my friends landed, I made sure to point out that they needed to stand on my platform, and nowhere else. Finally, once we were all safely in the inner ring, I decast my Hellfire.

“Jesus, it’s hot down here,” Todd panted as he pretended to tug on his collar. “I thought Lola was bad in the summer with no air conditioning, but this takes the cake.”

“It’s like we’ve been trapped inside of a giant oven,” Libidine added as she wiped a bit of sweat away from her forehead. “I really wish we would have brought Cupi right about now.”

“We don’t need Cupiditas,” Sia explained as she stepped toward the edge of my platform, “observe.”

The redheaded madame summoned her black Hellfire into her hands and then blasted it directly into the ground in front of her. The dark spell shot across the landscape in a straight line and doused all of the fire it hit like a fire extinguisher. The Sister of Pride looked back at us playfully as she took a step off my platform and onto the formerly-flaming ground.

“Huh,” Todd mused, “I never realized ‘demon fire extinguisher’ was part of Strawberry Shortcake’s power set, bro.”

“It’s still hot as all get out,” Sia noted, “but at least we won’t be consumed by searing hot flames.”

“That’s a plus,” I laughed and then followed the succubus off the platform. “But, just to be one-hundred percent sure … ”

I raised my hands straight out to each side of my body, called forth small walls of purple in front of each of them, and created a small, movable barrier that would protect us from any potential spreading of the fire.

“That’s great and all,” Gula spoke up from the back of the line, “but how exactly do we know where we’re going? This desert is massive.”

“Look around us, Gula,” I called back to the curvy redhead, “what do you see?”

“Nothing,” she admitted. “There’s not a soul around for miles.”

“Exactly,” I explained. “There should be hundreds of Shades down here, burning for all eternity in the hot sand. Where did they all go?”

“They’re probably under Gressil’s control,” Liby suggested, “at least, that’s what you thought happened to all of the ones in the first ring.”

“Exactly,” I nodded, “and if Gressil suddenly took hundreds of Shades to a secret location, what would they leave behind?”

Gula’s eyes lit up with recognition as she realized what I was getting at.

“Footprints,” she said. “They’d leave behind footprints.”

“That’s right,” I grinned, “and those footprints are going to lead us right to ‘ol pointy-nose fuckface. We just have to find some first.”

“Just be careful, bro,” Todd warned, “I hear these guys march single file to hide their numbers. There could be thousands of ‘em out here, waiting to attack us on their giant-ass wooly mammoths.”

“They’re Shades, not Sand People.” I rolled my eyes and continued down the path.

“You say that now, Jakey,” the imp continued, “but if they catch you by surprise, I’m not doing a weird-ass dragon scream to scare ‘em away. The Toddster’s got a bit more dignity than that, bro.”

“I don’t think we have to worry about it,” I reassured my friend, “but I’ll be sure to be on the lookout.”

The seven of us wandered through the desert of flames under the protection of my purple shields and Sia’s fire-cancelling spell for nearly an hour before we came upon anything. Even then, it wasn’t the footprints we were looking for.

It was the body of a small, goblin-like creature.

“Another Targlin,” Eligor scoffed as she drew her sword and used it to roll the corpse over. “Disgusting creatures.”

“What the fuck is a Targlin, anyways?” I questioned the Knight of Hell. “I know they work for Gressil, but what’s their deal?”

“The Targlin are a demonic race created specifically by Gressil, circa the thirteen hundreds,” the blonde woman explained, “he created them in his image, using the reanimated corpses of his fallen allies.”

“Fuck, that’s dark,” I whistled.

“Oh, it gets better,” Eligor continued. “Gressil not only uses these things as his personal servants and warriors, but he also sent them up to Earth so they could collect the world’s wealth and bring it back down to him. Including what he called the Earth’s ‘fertile wealth,’ as well.”

“Ewwww,” Todd gagged, “does that mean Green Goblin’s got barrels of baby juice somewhere in his castle? I don’t envy the person who has to clean up that room … ”

“Even worse,” the blonde sighed, “he went after their children. The Targlin are the creatures your culture calls ‘goblins,’ the ones who come in and snatch up children as they sleep in their beds.”

“Waaaaaitttt,” Todd pondered aloud, “so I shouldn’t be calling him ‘Green Goblin.’ This dude sounds way more like a ‘Jareth.’ But I swear, bro, if he’s wearing tights and a giant-ass codpiece, I’m out.”

“What the fuck does he do with the kids he takes?” I growled as anger boiled up from the deepest pit of my gut.

“He … he extracts their souls from their bodies and then uses their empty vessels to create more Targlins,” Eligor said darkly.

“Damn,” I muttered as I shook my head in disbelief, “and here I thought Gressil was the least evil of the Unholy Trio.”

“When you’re dealing with Demon Kings, there’s no such thing as ‘least evil,’” the blonde knight sighed, “they all ascended to their ranks in different ways, but those ways usually involved lying, cheating, murder, and several other unspeakable acts. No one in charge of a Circle of Hell is ‘good,’ Jacob. No one but you, of course.”

“Well fuck,” I growled, “this just makes me want to kill that fucker even more.”

Eligor tossed the Targlin’s body back into the flames, and then we pressed on. We traveled for another hour and a half with no luck until finally, Libidine let out a gleeful squeal.

“Look!” she exclaimed. “I found a pair of footprints! Actually … it looks like there are a bunch of them.”

Sure enough, just off to the right of Sia’s pathway were at least six sets of footprints in the sandy ground. They were all distinctly human, and they appeared to be wandering around aimlessly before they came together and set off in the same direction.

That was the direction we needed to go.

Our team followed the footprints down the nearby sand dune, up the winding path of a rocky hill, and then back down into a valley surrounded on each side by a massive pile of sand. Once the footprints made it there, however, they disappeared completely.

“Hmmm,” I joked, “this doesn’t seem suspicious at all. And this place definitely doesn’t look like a good spot for a secret hideout or anything … ”

“Then we know what we must do,” Superbia nodded, “I have a feeling that if we start to dig, we will find our missing Shades.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, our teams ran over to the nearby sand dune and began the excavation.

Todd swiped at the side of the sand dune in rapid succession, like a dog who was trying to bury a bone. Meanwhile, Libidine tossed a few yellow darts into the sand, snapped her fingers, and then blew it away with a small controlled explosion.

Superbia had a much harder time trying to dig out the sand, as none of her powers really gave her any sort of advantage. Eventually, she settled on using her black flames to pick up small chunks of the ground, move it to the side, and then toss it to the ground. Gula stood right next to her as she chipped away at the flaming ground with the broad end of her battle axe.

Eligor and Eclipse both had the easiest time digging thanks to their powers.

Eligor simply used her lime green Hellfire to move the sand out of the way with a simple movement of her hand. In seconds, she’d burrowed all the way through the dune and out the other side.

Eclipse simply tossed out a small, nebulous blob of black Hellfire and stood back as it sucked the sand particles into its black hole.

As for me, I figured I could just shake the sand away. So, I summoned bronze Hellfire into my hands, took aim at my part of the sand dune, and blasted it at full power. The spell hit the side of the dune and caused it to begin to shake violently. However, it didn’t seem to do much in the way of digging.

Finally, I heard Eclipse let out a loud gasp.

“I’m not sure what I just found,” the tattooed succubus admitted, “but it looks really damn important.”

The rest of us stopped what we were doing, dashed over to Eclipse’s position, and then tried to get a good look at what she was talking about. There, buried deep within the sandy hill, was a large brimstone plaque with Inferoglyphs carved into it hastily.

“What does it say, Eligor?” Superbia questioned.

“It’s kind of difficult to read,” the blonde knight admitted, and then she let out an amused chuckle, “I can’t believe it. It says ‘Psalms sixty-eight, six.’”

“Ironic,” Eclipse scoffed, “I’m sure whoever wrote that down knew exactly what they were doing.”

“Psalms sixty-eight, six … ” I pondered as I tried to remember if I knew anything about that particular verse.

“Oh, come on, Jakey,” Todd sighed, “‘God provides homes for those who are deserted. He leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious live in a scorched land.’ I slept through every single Sunday School we ever did, and I still remembered that, bro.”

“Let’s think this one through,” Sia muttered and stroked her chin, “is the clue in the ‘prosperity’ part of the verse?”

“Perhaps to find the castle, we have to give up some great offering?” Libidine suggested. “You did say Gressil and his Targlin were fond of riches.”

“It’s worth a shot,” I admitted as I fumbled in my pocket for Charron’s coin.

I pulled out the golden token, encased it with green Hellfire, and then moved it over to the brimstone sign. Then I set it down on the top of the stone, stood back, and waited.

Nothing.

“Okay,” Superbia sighed as I called the coin back to my pocket, “back to the drawing board. Perhaps it’s referring to the ‘rebellious’ in the verse. The Demon Kings of Hell are certainly seen as rebels in the eyes of the Exalted One.”

“I think it has something to do with the scorched earth,” Eclipse spoke up, “considering that’s what we’re literally standing on right now, I’d say that’s a big hint right there.”

“But what about it?” I pondered. “Surely there has to be some sort of hidden door or spell we need to cast or something like that … ”

“You’re overthinking it, bro,” Todd clicked his tongue and waggled his finger, “we just gotta Batman Sixty-Six this out.”

“Batman Sixty-Six it out?” Sia questioned with a grimace. “Is that some sort of sex position?”

“Of course it’s not, chum,” Todd shot back as he threw his voice to sound like Adam West, “you just have to talk yourself through the problem, and then all will be right as rain.”

“Uh, I’m not sure that’s the best--” I began, but Todd was already deep into character.

The imp began to pace back and forth slowly as he rubbed his chin in thought.

“The verse says something about a ‘scorched earth,’” he mumbled to himself, “well, the Sudanese translation of the word ‘scorched’ is ‘bau,’ which rhymes an awful lot with ‘cow.’ And what do we do with cows, old chum?”

“Eat them?” I guessed, but the imp shook his head.

“No!” he exclaimed. “You brand them, usually with a red-hot iron that bears your symbol. What’s red-hot around here? The sand! What we need to do is draw a symbol in the sand.”

“Okay … ” Eligor continued with a raised eyebrow, “but how will we know what symbol to write?”

“Ahhh, that’s where the plot thickens,” Bat-Todd chuckled, “for that, you need to look at the subjects of each sentence … The Exalted One, prisoners, and rebellious. Now, ‘Exalted,’ ‘prisoners,’ and ‘rebellious’ all have three syllables in their name. This must represent the holy trinity, but in our case, the meaning is reversed because the verse is located in Hell.”

“And the reverse of ‘holy trinity’ is unholy trinity!” Libidine gasped. “The Unholy Trio.”

“That’s the rub, old chum.” Todd nodded. “That. Is. The. Rub.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Eligor scoffed, “there’s no way Gressil would be stupid enough to make the code to get into his secret base the names of him and his allies.”

“Do you have a better idea?” the imp questioned, now in his regular voice. “It took me a lotta mental energy to come up with all those connections, Goldilocks.”

“Just humor him,” I whispered into Eligor’s ear, “worst case scenario, we waste a few minutes drawing lines in the sand. Can you spell out their names using Inferoglyphs?”

“Spell them out?” the blonde knight shot back. “In the Inferoglyph language, each of the legendary Demons has their own symbol, including the Demon Kings and Queens.”

“Is that what the wilted lotus flower on the box in your bunker was?” I asked. “Is it the Inferoglyph symbol for Lilith?”

“Very good, King Ralston,” Eligor said through a sly grin, “Lilith is symbolized by the wilted lotus because the lotus is a symbol of fertility. And, if you remember the story of my Mistress, she wanted to be anything but a typical, child-bearing woman.”

“Basically, a giant middle finger to the Exalted One,” Todd added.

“What are the signs for the Unholy Trio?” I continued. “I sure as fuck know what I’d give them … ”

“It’s actually quite simple,” Eligor noted as she sauntered over to an empty clearing we’d made, drew her sword, and began to doodle in the sand. “Baphomet is the easiest one. The former King of the Fifth Circle is represented by a pole with two snakes wrapping around it. If you’ve ever looked at human depictions of the Demon King, you’ll always find this thing present.”

“What about Brundlefly?” Todd interjected. “Please tell me it’s a giant half-human, half-fly abomination.”

“Not quite,” Eligor chuckled as she finished up Baphomet’s symbol and then moved onto the next one, “Beelzebub is represented by a pair of wings mounted to a simple short bow, and Gressil’s symbol is a spiral with a square underneath.”

“I get the first two,” I admitted, “but I’m struggling to understand that last one.”

“Gressil is the King of the Sixth Circle, Jacob,” she explained, “his sole responsibility is sealing away Shades inside tombs of Hellfire for all of eternity. The spiral lines represent his main weapon, the horrific blade everyone in Hell calls ‘the spine screw.’”

As the words left Eligor’s mouth, she finished up her three drawings in the sand, stepped back, and admired her work.

However, there was still nothing.

“Well, it was a good guess, bro,” I explained to the imp, “but I guess we’ll have to--”

Before I could finish my sentence, the sand dune on the opposite side of the valley began to rumble and quake. All seven of us turned around to see a small portion of the dune’s side slide open and reveal a passageway just large enough for a demon to fit through.

“T-That worked,” Eligor gasped.

“Booyah, bitches!” Todd cackled as he jumped up and down, victorious. “Never bet against an imp with a brain like Holmes and a dick like Moby.”

“I’m sorry I doubted you,” I chuckled to myself. “You totally saved the day on this one, bro.”

“I wonder if it’s nothing but Hellfire in there, too,” Eclipse sighed as she stared down the secret passageway.

“Only one way to find out,” Sia noted.

The redheaded madame blasted her black Hellfire out in front of her and completely quashed the flames between us and the doorway. Then, with Superbia leading the way, all of us wandered into the side of the sand dune.

Before us stood a long, winding, square tunnel that reeked of sulfur and mold. Every single inch of the thing was covered by either soot, cobwebs, or crawling insects, and its path seemed to stretch on for as far as my eyes could possibly see.

There were torch holders on the walls, though, and each and every one of them was lit.

Somebody was definitely here.

“We need to proceed with caution,” Eligor warned as she noted the torches. “If this is really where Gressil has decided to hide out, there could be danger around every corner.”

“I’m not too worried,” I admitted somewhat jokingly. “It looks like those Targlin things die pretty damn easily.”

“They may be weak, but they are large in numbers,” the blonde knight continued as she ran her hand along the wall. “If we aren’t careful, they could completely overrun us. They’re not exactly pushovers with their daggers, either. If a Targlin gets the jump on you, they won’t need a second chance.”

“So, they’re basically paper tigers?” I mused. “Great. We’ll need to be on the lookout for anything small, round, and obnoxious.”

“Don’t be talking about me up there, bro,” Todd warned. “I’m the one who got us down here, remember?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I chuckled, “if I wanted to talk--”

I heard the distinct sound of chattering up ahead, so I stopped talking immediately and motioned for my friends to be silent.

Just up ahead, down the path to the right, came the sound of two nasally, high pitched voices. They were speaking a language I wasn’t familiar with, but I was catching hints of both Latin and old Norse in their vernacular.

It had to be Targlins.

“Eclipse?” I whispered to the tattooed succubus. “You’re our guest of honor on this quest. Do you wanna do the honors?”

“Gladly,” Eclipse nodded, and then she stepped to the front of the group, “I’ve already got an idea on how to take them out without so much as a single sound. I will need one of you to help, though.”

“I’ll do it,” I volunteered. “Just tell me what to do.”

We watched with intrigue as the dark-haired succubus sneaked over to the corner, peered her head around, and then looked back at us. She made a signal that she could see three Targlins as she summoned black Hellfire into the same hand.

I sauntered over so I was beside the succubus, peeked around the corner, and saw the three creatures. They were ugly as fuck, with their stubby little legs that just barely held up their slimy, bowling-ball shaped bodies. Atop their equally stubby necks sat a head with giant, pointy ears and deep crimson eyes. As each of the Targlin tried to talk over each other, flecks of spit splashed out onto each other.

They really were disgusting little fucks.

Eclipse took a deep breath, lined up her aim, and then tossed three small blobs of black Hellfire toward the monsters. At the same time, she summoned her naginata and motioned for me to follow her into action.

Both of us took off at full speed toward the Targlins with our weapons at the ready. I whipped out the Unhallowed Sword with my right hand and my goat-headed dagger with my left and then prepared to take these bastards out.

All three of the Targlins turned and began to shout something in their strange language, but all of their sounds were absorbed by the floating black holes in front of their faces.

There was no way for them to sound the alarm, and they were totally fucked.

I held out the Unhallowed Sword and skewered the first Targlin straight through the stomach. Then, before the second bastard could make a move, I brought the goat-headed dagger down directly between his eyes.

The Targlin’s tongue flopped out of his mouth, and his red eyes rolled back in his head as he crumpled to the ground. Meanwhile, his friend was lying on the ground writhing in agony. His pained expression and mouth movements told me he was trying to scream, but nothing was to be heard.

I looked over at Eclipse and saw her stab her naginata straight through the torso of the last Targlin, and he went limp instantly.

“Nice trick silencing them,” I snickered as I walked over to the Targlin with the gut wound and ended him quickly.

“Ugh, can you imagine the bloody hell he would have raised if he could still talk like normal?” The tattooed beauty made a face of disgust. “We’d have Gressil’s entire army on us.”

I walked over to the fork in the tunnel, waved for the rest of the group to follow, and then we continued on through the hidden fortress.

The further we pushed on, the deeper underground we went. There were several brimstone staircases in these tunnels, and each one of them took us deeper and deeper into the depths of the Seventh Circle. The air became more and more damp the lower we got until each breath we inhaled felt like breathing through a humidifier.

Finally, after nearly twenty minutes of travel, we saw a literal light at the end of the tunnel. Up ahead, it looked like the silo opened up into a large, cavernous room with a platform at its center. Even from all the way back here, I could see the figures of several Targlins interspersed with Shades who were surely under Gressil’s control.

However, two figures towered above everyone else in the room. The first had dark green skin, with goblin-like ears, a pointed nose, and glowing red eyes. His body bore a black scaly armor with pauldrons that would make an eighties pop star jealous, complete with a contrasting red belt that bore his sigil.

This was fucking Gressil.

The other figure stood a good foot taller than Gressil, with curved black horns and equally dark wings that covered his body like a cloak.

“Jacob … ” Libidine gasped. “Is that--”

“Beelzebub,” I growled. “They’re both fucking here.”

The last two members of the Unholy Trio were talking with each other, and they appeared to be getting heated.

“What should we do?” Gula hissed. “We can’t fight both of them at the same time.”

“We need to get in closer,” I explained. “Maybe we can eavesdrop for a bit, figure out what they’re planning, and then get the fuck outta here so we can regroup.”

“Todd,” Sia asked the imp, “do you think you could make us invisible? That way, we can get up closer without being noticed.”

“On it, Strawberry Shortcake.” Todd nodded, and then he held out his hands for all of us to grab.

We formed a human line, and then the imp got to work. Todd bowed his head, muttered a few words to himself, and then made an exaggerated grunting sound.

“It’s Morphin’ Time!” he giggled as his body began to flicker in and out of our vision.

I felt a wave of magic wash over us like a ray of sunshine, and then my body was warm and tingly.

It must have worked.

“Alright, bro,” I whispered to the imp, “keep it up. We’re gonna go in closer.”

I slowly led the human chain through the rest of the hallway and into the giant room where the party seemed to be going on.

Now that we were inside, I could see just how massive this thing was. We were at the center of a giant, hollowed-out brimstone cylinder-like silo that stretched hundreds of feet up into the air. Every dozen feet or so, there was an opening with a brimstone banister across the front, almost like what you’d see in a multi-layer mall.

Each layer was packed to the gills with Targlins and Shades, and I didn’t even want to think about how many of them were in the room right now.

Then, at the center of it all, were Gressil and Beelzebub.

“The time is now, Gressil,” Beelzebub implored, “if we want to kill Abaddon, we need to strike while the iron is still hot.”

“Easy for you to say,” Gressil shot back with a snarl, “it will be my forces who lead the charge against the King of the Seventh Circle while yours remain safely in your own domain. My army may be growing by the hour, Beelzebub, but I’ll be damned if you think I’m going to do this on my own.”

“I’ve told you once, and I’ll tell you again,” Beelzebub warned, “if I were to send my forces into the Seventh Circle, I’d be leaving myself wide open for attack. Even now, I bet the Nephilim is planning on doing some asinine black-ops mission to sneak into my domain. I’d hate to leave myself exposed like that.”

“Stealth mission into the Eighth Circle?” Gressil scoffed. “That would be foolish, reckless, and suicidal all at the same time.”

“Which is exactly why the Nephilim would try it,” the King of the Eighth Circle reiterated. “That sort of a crazy mission has his name written all over it.”

Well, he definitely had me there.

“So, what am I to do, then?” Gressil sighed. “Do you really think this army of Shades and Targlins will be enough to overrun Abaddon? Serpico alone could wipe out half of my forces.”

“The Shades will be enough,” Beelzebub nodded, “they cannot be killed, remember? Abaddon’s soldiers, on the other hand, can be. Even the mighty Serpico is still killable at the end of the day. However, we need to move fast if we still want the element of surprise on our side.”

“Element of surprise?” the goblin-like Demon King scoffed. “Abaddon already knows I’m here, and by now I’m sure he’s figured out I’m converting his Shades. There is no ‘element of surprise’ to be had.”

“King Ralston has not made this discovery yet,” Beelzebub’s eyes narrowed as the words slipped out through his slimy tongue, “and I could care less about Abaddon. He’s simply a barrier we need to break through to get to the Nephilim. Once we’ve got his territory in our hands, the war is ours. Even with his mighty Shade army and those sorry excuses for Demon Lords he has on his side, the environment of the Seventh Circle gives us a tactical advantage like no other place in Hell.”

“Forgive me, but I’m not quite sure I understand,” Gressil sighed, “how does owning one of the most desolate, harshest terrains in all of Hell help us win the war?”

“Because, my friend,” the King of the Eighth Circle grinned, “if it becomes ours, then we may change it up as we wish. Think about it … A battlefield shrouded in pure darkness? Or one that was literally on fire the entire time? Nobody could penetrate our defenses!”

“I suppose you’re right … ” Gressil pondered aloud, “but I have one last question for you before you go. Does he know?”

Beelzebub’s expression looked like he had swallowed a sour grape.

“He knows everything, Gressil,” the Demon King sighed, “he’s been watching me and taunting me this entire time. Trying to goad me into being his second in command, I suppose.”

My heart sank into the dark pit of my stomach when I realized what he was talking about.

Lucifer. Lucifer was pulling the same shit with Beelzebub that he was with me.

He wasn’t showing up to me because I was his “favorite son” or because he wanted me to rule at his side. No, Lucifer must have thought this was some sort of sick and twisted game, pitting the two strongest Demon Kings in Hell against each other.

Well, he was about to get his wish. It looked like this war was going to come to a head sooner rather than later.

“Just keep me informed,” Gressil nodded, “when Lucifer is involved, I’ve always found you need to stay one step ahead of him.”

“Let me know how that works out,” Beelzebub chuckled, and then his body slowly began to evaporate. “You can’t outsmart the Prince of Darkness. Trust me, it’s impossible. Beelzebub, over and out.”

The King of the Eighth Circle’s body disappeared with a puff of green smoke, and then it was just Gressil alone on the stage. That must have just been a projection of Beelzebub.

Thank fuck. There was no way we were ready to fight both of them at the same time.

But this was still going to be tricky. We were surrounded by Gressil’s forces, and attacking him here and now wasn’t exactly the best idea. We needed to see if we could backtrack out of here, regroup, and then formulate a plan of attack before we charged headfirst into a battle we weren’t prepared for.

However, as we turned to exit the large cavern, the door slammed shut behind us. The next thing I knew, the ground beneath us began to rumble, and then the stage at the center of the room began to rise up into the sky with Gressil still on top of it. At the same time, the walls of the silo began to move in toward the rising stage, with us still between them.

If we didn’t move right now, we were going to be smashed by the closing walls.

“Aw, fuck,” I growled, “we need to get up top, now!”

“But what about the invisibility spell?” Gula hissed.

“The invisibility spell isn’t going to do us much good if we’re smooshed into jelly,” I shot back. “Todd? Can you hold the spell while we fly?”

“I can give it the ‘ol college try, bro,” the imp admitted.

I’d seen Todd’s grades in college, so that statement didn’t exactly make me feel any better.

I felt Libidine’s hands wrap underneath my armpits, and then the seven of us took to the sky while still holding hands so we could stay invisible.

We rocketed upward, out of the path of the closing walls and toward the roof of the cylinder. We shot past Gressil’s position, aimed for the ceiling, and then--

A blast of red Hellfire struck Libidine in the back, and she let out a loud grunt of pain as we were knocked loose from the group. Liby tried to catch herself, but her wing must have been badly damaged because we spiraled out of control, down toward the rocky platform beneath us.

I tossed out a series of purple shields to stop our momentum, and then we slammed into them at full speed. Our momentum was halted, but our bodies were both tossed back and forth between the platforms like balls in a pinball machine. Finally, we hit the ground of the stage with a powerful thud.

“I knew we weren’t alone in here,” Gressil mused. “Didn’t any of your little succubi friends inform you I have a Sixth Sense about these sorts of things?”

“Can’t say they did,” I grunted as I pulled myself to my feet and looked across the way at my opponent. “Too bad your little boy-toy took off. I was looking forward to kicking his ass, too.”

“Such vulgarity,” Gressil scoffed, and then he plucked an elegant-looking throwing knife from his belt. “Though I must admit … I’m looking forward to kicking your ass, too.”

This was it. There was no backing out of this one now.

Ready or not, it was time for us two Kings to face off.

Chapter 17

I’d been in some rough spots before, but this one definitely took the cake.

I was standing completely exposed in the center of a massive brimstone silo, about to face off with the King of the Sixth Circle. To make matters worse, his entire army of Targlins and converted Shades were staring down at me from the many levels of the structure above.

“Before I fuck you up, I gotta ask,” I growled as I called silver flames into my hand, “how did you know we were there? Todd’s invisibility spell usually does the trick.”

Gressil shook his head and rolled his eyes as I transformed the ball of metal on my belt into my giant, eloquently-decorated warhammer.

“Like I said: I have a sixth sense,” he stated as he tossed his throwing knife up into the air casually and then caught it again. “It’s how I knew you were here, and it’s how I know your friends are sneaking up on me right now.”

Gressil enchanted his throwing knife with green Hellfire, spun around, and launched it up into the air behind him.

Almost instantly Todd, Eligor, Eclipse, Sia, and Gula appeared out of thin air and scattered in all different directions as they dodged the attack.

“Watch out, Jakey!” Todd warned. “This fucker can see dead people! Even though we’re in Hell, so technically everybody we see is dead … ”

The imp quickly tossed out a slew of red fireballs at Gressil, but the King of the Sixth Circle was light on his feet.

Gressil backflipped out of the way of Todd’s attack and then ducked down to avoid an incoming blast of red from Gula. As he came up from his roll, the bastard tossed out two more throwing knives.

The first one stabbed into the brimstone right between Todd’s legs, and the second just barely missed the airborne Eclipse.

My friends’ attacks hadn’t hit, but that was all the time I needed.

I dashed over to Gressil’s exposed back, lifted up my hammer, and brought it down on his position.

But the fucker was ready for me.

In one swift motion, Gressil spun out of the way, twisted his body, and stabbed a throwing knife into the crease in my armor around my elbow.

I felt a sharp stab of pain as the knife skewered my right elbow, followed up by the reverberation of the warhammer striking the brimstone. The mixture of sensations caused me to let go of my weapon, and I was just barely able to get out a small shield of purple to deflect the next knife. Then I drew my goat-headed dagger with my free hand, grunted loudly, and stabbed it into Gressil’s right shoulder.

The King of the Sixth Circle let out a yelp of pain as he pulled away and grasped at his shoulder, and I followed up with a handful of yellow and red shuriken directly into his chest.

The tiny, spinning discs lodged themselves into Gressil’s breastplate before they exploded and sent his body tumbling back across the rocky platform. As he rolled to a halt, a tendril of brimstone, guided by Eligor’s lime green Hellfire, wrapped around his body and lifted him up into the air.

“Wanna get hiiiiigh?” Todd giggled as he blasted the trapped Demon King with his dank silver Hellfire.

Gressil began to cough violently, and then Gula came at him with her battle axe.

However, she didn’t make it there.

Before her deadly weapon could connect, the body of a Shade landed on top of her from behind and knocked her trajectory downward. Instead of slicing Gressil’s head off his shoulders, the blade of her axe struck the tendril and created a spray of brimstone across the sky. Meanwhile, the end of the tendril was separated from its body, and Gressil was released from the trap.

He tossed out a few more knives as he fell, and my friends had to be quick on their feet to avoid them.

But I wasn’t going to let it be that easy for the bastard.

I summoned green Hellfire into my hands, threw up a portal underneath Gressil’s falling body, and laughed to myself as he fell through. Then I used my silver Hellfire to turn my warhammer into a large, pointed spear, and I reopened the green portal just above it.

Gressil came careening out of the emerald gateway like a bat out of Hell, and then his eyes went wide when he saw he was headed straight for the pointy end of the spear. He tried to twist his body out of the way like an acrobat, but the point caught him through his lower abdomen and sent a spray of blackish-red blood onto the ground.

I started to liquify the spear once more, but Gressil was already on the counterattack. I had to decast the silver fire and toss up a shield of purple as two more glowing red knives shot toward me. They were knocked away with a flash of violet, and then I planned my next move.

“Tear these fools apart, my loyal subjects!” Gressil commanded as his eyes glowed intensely with white Hellfire.

Next, the King of the Sixth Circle let out a grunt of pain as he summoned red Hellfire into his hand, slapped it against his wound, and cauterized it. Then he rolled away from an incoming blob of black Hellfire.

Unfortunately for him, Eclipse’s magic was more than just a one-shot attack. The nebulous blob of black Hellfire halted in place and began to inhale everything in its vicinity.

Gressil stabbed two of his knives into the ground and held on for dear life as Eclipse’s black hole tried to suck him in. He didn’t seem to be going anywhere, but he was completely exposed.

I just had to get to him without getting sucked into the spell myself.

I grimaced as I grasped the hilt of the knife in my elbow, yanked, and removed it with a spray of blood. My right arm fell limply to my side, and I was worried Gressil had severed the joint completely. I could feel it throbbing inside my armor, and it was swelling up by the second.

“Sia, a little help!” I called out as I glanced up in the sky and gasped in horror.

The Sister of Pride was being held in Eligor’s arms, and she blasted a shot of healing golden fire down in my direction.

But that wasn’t what I was worried about.

Mind-controlled Shades were now throwing themselves off the balconies at every level of the silo and plummeting down with malicious intent.

As I felt the warm, healing power of Sia’s flames overtake my body, I realized we would soon be outnumbered by the incoming Shade army. Thankfully, I was fully healed within seconds, and I called my warhammer back to my belt with a cast of silver fire.

Todd, Eclipse, Eligor, and Gula dodged in and out of the onslaught of falling bodies, but there were way too many of them.

It was literally raining Shades, and we all eventually ran out of room to dodge.

Eclipse decast her black Hellfire as my friends were tackled out of the air by the mind-controlled soldiers and then fell down to the ground with a sickly thud.

Sia’s healing fire was on them instantly, and then they were all back to their feet.

“Now I know what it’s like to be on the other side of a fucking piledriver,” Todd grumbled as he rubbed his head groggily.

“Sia!” I called out as the bodies fell around me. “Get to Libidine! She still needs assistance!”

“I’ll see what I can do!” the petite redhead reassured me, but then the crowd of Shades cut off my sightline.

Now, I was completely isolated from the rest of the group and surrounded by unkillable, mind-controlled soldiers.

I’d been through worse, though.

So, I quickly drew the Unhallowed Sword, enchanted it with red Hellfire, and took a fighting stance.

The first few Shades came at me with their bare hands, and I made them pay for it. I sliced a deep gash into my first attacker’s face with the blade of my weapon, and then I pumped the second one’s head full of deadly yellow shuriken. Next, I ducked down, spun around, and lopped off the legs of the Shade coming at me from behind. Two more of the fuckers actually got their hands on me, but I dispelled them with a quick blast of incendiary fire.

They both recoiled as they were burned by red-hot fire, but they didn’t make a single sound. Then I separated their heads from their shoulders with a slash of my sword before I turned back to my next attackers.

This time, they didn’t take turns. The entire army of Shades bum-rushed me at the same time, and there was little I could do but flail as they overran me with their sheer numbers.

Their fists and feet struck me violently as they pinned me to the ground, but thankfully my armor held up. Although, my armor wasn’t going to do me any good if I was going to get torn apart limb-from-limb.

“Not today … fuckers!” I snarled as I summoned bronze Hellfire into my hand and sent it coursing through the Shades currently holding me down. In the split-second that they pulled away, I slammed my enchanted hand into the dirt below me and forced the entire ground to vibrate intensely.

The mind-controlled Shades were knocked to the ground, and then I hopped to my feet before they could recover.

I scanned the environment for anything I could use against these bastards, and then I groaned when I saw what was coming.

All of the Targlin were currently charging down the sides of the walls like a colony of ants who had just found a cube of sugar.

We were already fish in a fucking barrel, and it was about to get a lot worse.

Or so I thought, until I saw the lever jutting out of the side of the wall. It must have been the lever that activated the stage’s movement and the opening and closing of the walls.

That was my ticket to victory.

From afar, I saw Gressil was beginning to pull himself back up to his feet.

I couldn’t have that.

So, I slammed my bronze hand into the ground once more, and all of my stirring opponents collapsed back to the ground.

“You--You gotta stop that, Jakey,” I heard Todd’s voice call out from somewhere in the crowd. “I-I’m about to get seasick, bro.”

“Well, it’s about to get a lot worse,” I warned. “Everybody get away from the edges of the stage!”

All of my succubi and Todd quickly rolled, jumped, and cartwheeled away from the sides of the silo and joined me in the center of the brimstone stage.

Then I reached out, encased the lever with green Hellfire, and pulled it downward. As I did so, the ground beneath us began to rumble and croak, and then it started to slowly lower itself. At the same time, the outermost edges began to retreat back into the wall, and the newly-created chasm swallowed several of the Shades into its depths.

Gressil leapt up from the pile of fallen bodies, stabbed his knife into the side of the silo, and watched as we continued to descend.

He tried to throw another projectile at me, but it was knocked away instantly by Eclipse’s naginata as she took to the sky on the offensive.

Todd, Eligor, Gula, and a healed Liby were right behind her, and I couldn’t help but gawk with pride as my friends attacked the Demon King head-on. Sia was dangling from Eligor’s arms, but even she pitched in with a blast of black fire.

Gressil and my friends grew further away as I descended, until I was nearly four full stories below them. I couldn’t focus on the battle or the incoming Targlin for long, anyway, since the rest of the Shades were getting up.

So, I called purple Hellfire into my hands, created a large, glowing cube around my body, and then commanded it to expand indefinitely.

As the glowing violet structure expanded in five different directions, it moved the mind-controlled Shades with it. They tried to resist the push of my spell, but it was futile. One by one, the fuckers disappeared over the edge of the platform and down into the space between the stage and the wall.

Just where I wanted them.

Then I reached out once again, grabbed the lever with my telekinetic Hellfire, and reversed it mid-descent.

I almost felt bad for what I was about to do. These things were once regular humans, just like me.

Then again, they were trying to kill us.

Besides, they might be in a world of hurt when all was said and done, but they’d heal. Eventually.

I remained at the center of the stage as the platform came to a crashing halt. Then the ground groaned once more, and the entire structure began to rise upward. As it moved, the parts of the structure that had retreated back into the walls reemerged and began to slowly press toward the platform in the middle.

With the Shades still trapped inside.

This time, they did scream. The air was filled with the horrific sounds of the Shades as their bodies were crushed between the two walls of brimstone, and there was a nauseating, wet crunch as their screams died out once and for all. Or at least, until I released them and gave them time to heal.

Now, that just left Gressil and the Targlins.

As I rose back up, I saw the rest of the team were engaged with the small, goblin-like creatures high above my position.

There were blood splatters all over the wall from where the Targlins had been killed, and several of their bodies were falling down to the platform around me with wet plops. Meanwhile, Gressil was jumping from one side of the vertical silo to the other as he launched knife after knife at my friends.

Not for long, fucker.

I waited for Gressil to make the leap, and then I tossed up a wall of purple Hellfire directly in front of his trajectory.

The King of the Sixth Circle smacked into the damn thing like a cartoon character and then ragdolled backward as he plummeted down toward the ground. His body bounced off the brimstone violently, and then he flipped back up to his feet. However, he was looking worse for wear. The bastard had blood trickling out of his hooked nose, and he was panting heavily.

“Thanks for giving me that idea, King Ralston,” he growled as he pulled out another knife, “I’ll have to be sure and crush your Shades into dust when we finally invade your domain. After we eliminate Mephisto and all of his followers, of course.”

“Not a fucking chance, Gressil,” I shot back as I tossed out a handful of yellow shuriken.

Even in his injured state, Gressil was light on his feet. He flipped through the barrage of deadly disks and launched his first knife at me.

I knocked it away with the Unhallowed Sword, but then his next one was on me so quickly that I barely had time to lean out of the way. It soared past my head, stabbed into the wall, and then returned to Gressil as a streak of green.

“So, you took out my Shades,” he taunted as his eyes glowed white, “no matter. The Targlins will still feast on your friends’ innards while I make you watch. Then I’ll force you to watch as I invade your castle, take your succubi for myself, and torture any of the foolish demons who chose to ally themselves with Nephilim filth like you.”

“Oh, I think it’s the other way around,” I retorted. “I’m not sure how many of your succubi showed up to my little auditions, but one thing was clear. They want me, and they want to be as far away from you as fucking possible.”

As the last words left my mouth, I summoned silver Hellfire into my hands, liquified the metal ball at my belt, and turned it into a spear again. Then I threw it as hard as I could at Gressil as I also spun around and tossed out a handful of green and yellow shuriken.

The King of the Sixth Circle tried to kick the spear away, but I was onto him.

I liquified the thing, ordered it to wrap around his leg, and then pinned it to the ground. At the same time, the shuriken reached the bastard.

Gressil screamed in agony as his body was turned into a demonic pincushion, and then again when I commanded the deadly, enchanted disks to drag themselves downward. Blood oozed out of the Demon King’s wounds as he tried to pull himself free, but I had him pinned down.

“Oh, do you need some help with that?” I mocked, and then I ordered the metal around his leg to twist.

There was a loud crack as the bones in Gressil’s leg were shattered, and he yelled in pain as he went down onto one knee.

This was too fucking easy.

I ordered the metal to liquify once more and then stab into the fucker’s head.

However, much to my surprise, Gressil’s hand shot out, and he snatched the metal out of the air. His hand glowed white, and then the spell spread across my weapon.

I tried to recall it to me, but it wasn’t responding.

“I call it the ‘Midas Touch,’” Gressil panted as his glowing white eyes met mine, “everything my white Hellfire touches becomes my own. Including your precious weaponry.”

Gressil let out a grunt as he hurled the hunk of metal back at me, and I was just able to dispel it with a cast of purple. Then the unthinkable happened.

My own weapon turned on me.

The silvery liquid metal wrapped around my neck, twisted itself around like a noose, and lifted me up into the air.

I gasped as the breath left my lungs, and I kicked fruitlessly for any sort of salvation. Finally, as my vision began to turn black, I threw down a platform of purple underneath my feet. I sucked hard at the air as I tried to keep myself from passing out, but Gressil was already on the move.

The bastard jumped up on the wall to my right, stabbed into it with his knife, and then propelled himself toward me. He spun around in midair, and the next thing I knew, the point of his blade was headed straight for my temple.

I threw up a portal of green Hellfire in front of the incoming knife, and it disappeared inside. The portal reopened just behind Gressil’s head, and he just barely leaned out of the way of his own incoming attack.

Then the King of the Sixth Circle slugged me as hard as he could in the gut before he flipped backward into the air and launched another knife.

I tried to knock it away with my sword, but I was too gassed. There was a sharp pain as the blade stabbed into my upper left calf, and my leg gave out underneath me. As I collapsed, I felt the deathly grasp of the metal around my neck.

If I didn’t get rid of this thing, the life was going to be literally choked out of me.

White-hot pain shot through my leg as I forced myself back to my feet and tried to pry the metal away with a cast of green flames. The emerald fire glistened as it fought against Gressil’s white spell, but nothing happened.

Meanwhile, the King of the Sixth Circle cackled maniacally as he threw out another handful of knives.

This time, I used the metal noose to my advantage.

I grabbed onto to it by both sides and then grunted as I bent my entire lower half upward. The daggers passed harmlessly beneath my feet, but I still paid the price for my actions. I experienced an intense searing sensation in my palms, and I let out a growl of pain as I released my grip on the metal.

“What’s the matter, King Ralston?” Gressil mocked. “Have you finally realized that you’ve bitten off more than you can chew?”

I wanted to retaliate with a snarky remark, but I needed to save my breath. Instead, I let my shuriken do the talking.

I tossed out a handful of the yellow, glowing disks and then enchanted them with bronze Hellfire while they were still in the air.

Gressil flipped vertically on the wall of the silo to avoid my attack, but it didn’t matter. The second the bronze and yellow projectiles hit the brimstone, the entire right half of the silo began to vibrate intensely. Gressil’s eyes went wide as his knives were shaken loose from their hold, and his body plummeted down and then smacked violently into the ground below.

I knew that would only slow down the Demon King, but at least it gave me a minute to figure out how to get out of my current situation.

I needed to think. My own Hellfire didn’t seem to do anything against the white flames Gressil controlled, and using my weapons against this thing was a waste of time and energy. The second they touched the white shimmer, they would become as good as Gressil’s.

Then it hit me.

What I needed right now was some Divine intervention.

I looked up above my current position and saw all of my friends still engaged in battle with the hideous Targlins, who descended from the upper levels of the silo.

The Targlins were skittering down the walls, while my friends fought them off from their positions in the air.

Eligor kept the closer ones away with her dual swords, while she knocked others off the wall with sporadic casts of red fire.

Meanwhile, Eclipse, Gula, and Sia were all tag-teaming. Gula held Sia in her arms as she pumped her brown, boosting Hellfire into the madame’s body. As a result, Sia was blasting out beams of black flames that were bigger than any I’d ever seen her create before. The attack knocked the Targlins off the walls, and then Eclipse would make them disappear with a quick cast of black nebulous flame.

Todd and Libidine worked together, as well. Todd was zipping around as he crop dusted the Targlins with silver, reefer-infused flames. Once his enemies became nice and disoriented, Libidine would take them out with a shot of her yellow daggers.

My team was doing all they could to keep the bastards at bay, so now I needed to improvise.

In one quick motion, I decast my purple flames, created a portal of green Hellfire beneath my body, and then moved it upward so it encased me with its jade glow. Suddenly, I felt myself floating through time and space, and then I forced my body to reappear just above the chaos of the Targlin versus Succubi battle.

“Jacob!” Libidine gasped when she saw me.

“Holy shit, Jakey!” Todd whistled. “Green Goblin musta decided to choke a bitch, huh?”

“I n-need your e-energy,” I gasped as I threw down a platform of purple flames beneath my feet.

“Ohhhh,” Todd cackled as he sliced open the face of a Targlin with his claws, “is it Spirit Bomb time? Because that’s always my favorite part of the episode?”

“Just do it!” I commanded my friend.

“Alright, alright,” Todd giggled, and then he flew down to the rest of the team muttering something about “getting my power level to over nine-thousand.”

Suddenly, I could feel a cold, pin-prick sensation that I was all too familiar with.

My friends were sending me their energy.

Unfortunately, my new position on the battlefield was also drawing the attention of a few unwanted parties. The Targlins who had mainly been focused on my friends had now turned their attention to me, and they were out for blood. They made inhuman hissing noises as they skittered down the wall, wiggled their butts like a cat ready to pounce, and then leapt straight toward me.

I commanded my purple flames to expand and create a protective box all around my body, and the tiny Targlins bounced off harmlessly before they plummeted to their deaths below.

It didn’t take long for the little fuckers to catch on, though, and within seconds, they clung to the sides of the box like lemmings and began to beat on it with their deadly claws.

My spell couldn’t hold up forever, but it didn’t have to. I felt a familiar tingling sensation in my temples, and the pin-prick sensation was now engulfing my entire body in its bristly embrace.

My blue horns were sprouting, and I was just about at full power.

Now, these little Targlin bastards were gonna get it.

Without a moment’s hesitation, I decast my purple flames and surrounded myself with Divine Light. Then I let out a yell of anger as I blasted the heavenly magic in an outward circle in all directions around my body.

The Targlins let out a series of gargled screams as their bodies were evaporated by the light, and I sensed the metal noose slip away from my neck. Then I suddenly felt the pull of gravity, and I gasped as I plummeted downward.

Luckily, Libidine was there to break my fall. I heard the beat of the succubus’ wings as she swooped down and snatched me out of my freefall, and as we lifted back up into the air, I tossed out a beam of bronze Hellfire against the nearest wall.

Several more Targlin let out a surprised yelp as they were knocked loose from the wall and then fatally crashed down into the brimstone floor.

“We gotta stop meeting like this,” Liby giggled.

“I dunno,” I shot back, “I always like having you all pressed up against me.”

I looked down to see Gressil had recovered from his fall. He was now clawing his way back up the silo with a series of long, ascending jumps, and he would soon be back within striking distance.

“Liby, do you want to help me kill a Demon King?” I asked with a grin. “I think the rest of the group can more than handle the Targlins.”

“It’d be my honor, my King,” the succubus purred with determination.

“Then take me down there.” I pointed to the ascending Gressil. “We need to finish this shit off once and for all.”

Without another word, Libidine and I swooped down just above the Demon King, and I tossed out a large platform of purple fire. We landed on the glowing purple wall, split up, and prepared for battle.

Gressil made one final leap, and then he was face-to-face with the succubus and me.

“I don’t say this often,” Gressil sneered, “but I’m going to enjoy killing your succubus.”

“I’m a Demon Lord, you slimy-skinned, oversized bile stooge!” Libidine growled.

“Not bad,” I noted. “Did Todd teach you that one?”

“No,” Liby shook her head, but she didn’t take her eyes off Gressil, “I came up with that one all on my own. I’m quite proud of it.”

“This is why I don’t give a shit about my succubi,” Gressil snorted sarcastically, “your little lover’s banter is both pathetic and fruitless.”

Then the King of the Sixth Circle spun around and unleashed a slew of throwing knives in our direction.

I knocked the first wave away with a flash of purple Hellfire, but another set came bearing down on our position.

Libidine somehow caught them all with her green Hellfire, but she was barely holding onto them. The succubus let out a scream of determination as she kept the knives at bay, and I used this opportunity to counter attack.

I decast the purple Hellfire from underneath Gressil’s body, and he just barely grabbed the edge of the platform before he fell.

However, that was all the time I needed.

I limped forward as quickly as I could, tossed out a series of red and yellow shuriken, and then forced them to explode against the Demon King’s hands.

Before the projectiles could hit their mark, though, Gressil pulled his body back, swung forward, and then used his momentum to launch himself horizontally across the bottom of the purple platform.

I spun around just in time to see the King of the Sixth Circle flip up onto the platform behind Libidine and throw another series of knives.

Liby knocked them away, but that was exactly what Gressil had intended.

The demon fucker dashed forward, grabbed Libidine by the throat, and then picked her up into the air.

My vision went red with rage at the sight of the fucker holding my beautiful succubus, but I couldn’t fly off the handle. If I did that, Libidine was as good as dead.

“You love this one, don’t you?” Gressil chuckled as his eyes lit up with white Hellfire. “I wonder if you love her enough to give your own life for hers? Or, will you kill her, and prove once and for all that you’re just as selfish as the rest of the Demon Kings? Either way, I win, King Ralston.”

White flames surrounded Libidine, and Gressil laughed as the succubus fell under his control.

Or so he thought.

“You really didn’t do your research, did you?” Liby’s voice mocked, and I smirked.

“What the fuck?” Gressil gasped, wide-eyed. “You should be under my--”

Before he could finish, Libidine summoned yellow Hellfire into her hands and then stabbed a handful of enchanted spears directly into Gressil’s neck.

The Demon King let out a gurgled wheeze as he released his grip on the succubus, grasped at his throat, and began to cough up dark red blood.

“You can’t use mind control on a demon with mind control powers,” Libidine taunted, “that’s like, Hellfire magic one-oh-one.”

Gressil fumbled for his knife and lashed out at Libidine, but the succubus was too fast.

She rolled back out of the way, threw out a ball of red flames, and knocked Gressil back onto his ass.

Before the fucker could recover, I engulfed him with green Hellfire, lurched my arms upward, and tossed him into the air.

“Everybody get to the side!” I commanded my friends as I watched Gressil rag-doll in the air.

As if it were second nature, all of the succubi and Todd pressed their bodies as close to the sides of the silo as they could.

It was time for the Gob Bomb.

I closed my eyes and focused on the energy coming from all of my friends. Even here, all the way out in the Seventh Circle, I swore I could feel the power of my allies all the way back in my own domain. While the sensation consolidated in my chest, my body became weightless as it floated off the ground and glowed brightly with the blinding white light.

Then I opened up my eyes, took aim at Gressil, and unleashed a massive beam of white-hot Divine Light in his direction.

The King of the Sixth Circle let out a brief scream of agony as his body disappeared into the light, but then all went silent. When I finally released my attack, all that was left of Gressil was a large, charred hunk of flesh and bone. Then the body of the Demon King rocketed downward, struck my glowing purple platform, and shattered into a million shards of ashy charcoal.

Gressil, the King of the Sixth Circle, was dead.

My head throbbed in pain as my vision became tunneled, and I fell down onto my knees. The last thing I remembered before I passed out was the platform beneath me flickering and disappearing, and then my body plummeted down toward the rocky ground below.

Chapter 18

The world was black for lord knows how long, and then I felt a swift, sharp pain against my cheek. Was that me hitting the ground? Did the jagged brimstone tear my flesh? Was I even still alive?

“Todd used Double Slap!” I heard Todd’s voice call out as another sharp pain struck my other cheek. “It’s not very effective … Damn it, Jakey’s a dark type. I shoulda known that shit doesn’t work on them.”

“T-Todd?” I whispered into the darkness. “Is that you?”

“He’s wakin’ up!” the imp gasped, and then I felt a rapid series of compressions to my chest. “Come on, girls! Help me give him CPU!”

“Don’t you mean ‘CPR?’” Sia’s voice questioned. “Also, I’ve already healed him with my golden flames. All of his wounds should be healed up, both internally and externally.”

“I’m fine,” I mumbled groggily as I slowly forced my eyes open. “Seriously.”

I was currently laying on the floor of the silo, and I was staring up into the distance. All six of my friends were standing above me with looks of concern on their faces.

“I’ve never seen you pass out like that,” Libidine admitted, “at least, not after using a God Bomb.”

“I just expended too much of my power at once,” I said as I sat up and rubbed my head. “Did you see how it completely disintegrated Gressil? It didn’t do that for Azazel.”

“Don’t feel too bad, bro,” Todd giggled and patted me on the chest sympathetically, “I pass out after blowing my load all the time. I think it’s just programmed into the male mind or something. Anyway, it was totally badass how you Smash Bros-ed that baby-back bitch into oblivion. I know you didn’t hear it, with all the passing out and shit, but I totally yelled out ‘K.O.!’ when you did it.”

“I appreciate it.” I shook my head and then slowly pulled myself back to my feet. “Where did all the Targlins go? Did you guys take ‘em all out?”

“Unfortunately not,” Eligor sighed sadly. “Once they saw what you did to their leader, the Targlins took off like the cowards they are. We tried to kill as many of them as we could as they were fleeing, but obviously our main concern was making sure you were okay.”

“I just can’t believe we killed him,” I admitted, “did you know he was gonna try to mind-control you, Liby?”

The Sister of Lust gave me a coy smile and kicked her left foot across the ground with a giggle.

“More or less,” she admitted. “If there’s one thing that can be trusted like clockwork, it’s the fact that Demon Kings are really far up their own asses. They think all of us succubi are weak and our minds our even weaker. I knew if he wanted to get to you, he’d try to use me. So, I used the situation to our advantage. It was nothing, really.”

“It was bloody brilliant,” Gula protested, “if not for you, Sister, Gressil might still be alive.”

“I did what I could,” Libidine giggled and batted her dark eyelashes at me, “anything to help Jacob.”

“My question is,” I pondered aloud, “where did the Targlins retreat to? Is there another secret passage up at the top of this thing?”

“There must be,” Eclipse shrugged, “but there’s only one way to find out … ”

“Hold on, Eclipse,” Sia said as she made a ‘calm down’ motion, “we need to inform Abaddon the target has been eliminated.”

“Like fuck we are,” I scoffed. “That red-skinned bastard has been trying to manipulate us this whole time. Now that his biggest threat has been eliminated, he’s going to turn his attention back on us. In fact, I’d almost bet money if we go back to Abaddon, he’ll try to kill us on the spot.”

“That does sound like something he’d do,” Eligor admitted with a frown, “but what other choice do we have? Retreat to the Fifth Circle?”

“The Sixth Circle,” I reminded the knight, “it’s vacant now, remember?”

“We’ll need to install a new King then,” Sia nodded, “if we want to maintain our influence over it.”

“But that would require us to travel back through everything,” Gula reminded us, “which means fighting off the harpies again and then trying to sneak through the first ring of the Seventh Circle without getting caught by Abaddon or Serpico.”

“What are you suggesting, Sister?” Libidine questioned cautiously.

“Well … ” Gula sighed and looked down at the ground, “what if we just pushed forward? Into the Eighth Circle?”

A stunned silence fell across the group as Gula’s words sunk in. Finally, Sia spoke up.

“I’m not sure if that’s the best idea,” she retorted, “we’re all exhausted from this battle, and there are only seven of us. It may have worked out for the best with Gressil, but I can assure you that we won’t be as lucky against Beelzebub.”

“We can bring the army,” Gula protested. “We have at least two members of the team who can use green Hellfire, right?”

“Right … ” I nodded as I slowly realized where she was going with this.

“Well,” the redhead continued bashfully, “what if we went into the Eighth Circle, and then I gave you both a boost? Maybe with that kind of a power surge, you could combine your green flames and transport the entire army here instantly?”

“That would give us the element of surprise… ” I pondered aloud.

“You can’t seriously be considering this,” Eligor chuckled in disbelief. “Our soldiers aren’t prepared. Sure, we could get them here, but they’re not going to be ready to go into battle.”

“Then what if the seven of us continued onward and then hid out in your bunker until the time was right?” I asked. “We could try to send a message back to the Fourth Circle to let Cupi and Daniel know to prepare the troops.”

“How would we even do that?” Sia wondered. “That would require us to send one of our own back through the Seventh Circle, and whoever we sent would just be a sitting duck the second they were separated from the group.”

“What other choice do we have, though?” I sighed and rubbed my temples. “It’s either go back and face Abaddon, or move forward and face Beelzebub. And, I don’t know about you, but neither of those options sounds very appealing right now. At least if we go after Beelzebub, we’ll be moving toward our goal.”

“What if I told you it wasn’t that bleak?” a sultry, almost angelic voice asked from overhead.

We all turned around to see a curvy woman with wild red hair and regal gold armor standing on one of the balconies above.

Lilith.

“My mistress,” Eligor gasped, and then she bent down on one knee. “What brings you to this domain?”

“I am your most trusted ally, Jacob,” Lilith noted as she rose up into the air and floated down to our level, “I simply wish to keep you from doing something foolish.”

“How did you get here without anyone noticing?” I questioned the red headed Demon Queen.

“I have my ways,” Lilith purred as she ran her hand along my chin playfully, “and, if you follow me out of here, I’ll show you.”

The Demon Queen lifted up her hand, engulfed the lever mechanism above us with green Hellfire, and then pulled it down.

We all waited patiently as the brimstone stage trembled and lowered, and the far edges retreated into the walls as it went down. Finally, we arrived at the bottom of the silo, and the door opened to greet us.

There were mashed bodies of Shades all around us, along with the corpses of the fallen Targlins. Many of the Shades were still alive, and they let out horrific groans of pain as they tried to regenerate.

“They will be fine,” Lilith reassured us, “now that Gressil has been killed, they should be back to their normal selves.”

“So, should I heal them?” Sia asked as she summoned gold flames into her hand.

Lilith shook her head, placed her slender hand on Sia’s arm, and then lowered it down.

“No,” she explained. “They are Abaddon’s Shades, and he will continue to do with them as he sees fit. Trust me, they’re actually better off this way.”

I shuddered at the thought of this being the better alternative, but I wasn’t going to question the Demon Queen.

The seven of us followed Lilith through the winding subterranean tunnels until we finally found ourselves back outside on the fiery sands of the third ring.

However, this time there was a major difference.

A three-story tall structure sat atop the flaming ground. Like Eligor’s bunker, it had no windows and looked to be about as plain as can be on the outside.

Lilith sauntered toward the building, opened its door with a flick of her wrist, and then motioned for us to follow.

Sia created a path to the bunker with a flash of black Hellfire, and then we followed her into the giant brimstone structure.

Unlike Eligor’s normal dwelling, this place looked like a fucking mansion. The floors were made out of pristine hardwood, and the walls looked like they had been built by large, fallen logs. There were exposed beams all across the ceiling, and the entire place was lit by the soft yellow light of the lamps that hung on the walls.

“Please close the door behind you,” Lilith cooed.

I was the last one in, so I turned around and ordered the door to shut with a flash of green flames.

“This is a fucking nice place ya got here, Maleficent,” Todd whistled, “like, seriously, the Toddster could see himself settling down in a place like this. If the Toddster ever settles down, that is. Which I totally wouldn’t in the first place. I loooove the bachelor life too much, ya know?”

“I understand your desire to be alone,” Lilith mused as she winked at me, “I used to feel that way, as well.”

“It’s a really nice place, Lilith,” I reiterated as I tried to get us back on track, “but what exactly is your plan? If we just sit here, won’t Abaddon come and find us?”

“That’s why we aren’t just going to sit here,” the redhead reassured me with a coy smile. “Eligor, if you could be of assistance?”

Eligor nodded, and she walked over and joined hands with her mistress. Then they both bowed their heads, summoned lime green Hellfire into their hands, and began to chant in Latin. As they did so, their spell traveled down their bodies into the floor of the bunker and spread out across the entirety of the interior. The next thing I knew, the entire thing began to shake and rattle.

We were going underground, just like with Eligor’s humble abode. When the rumbling finally stopped, I raised my finger curiously.

“Okay, so we’re underground,” I sighed, “but how does that help us in this situation?”

“We’re not underground,” Lilith smiled, “at least, we’re not anymore.”

“Take a look outside.” Eligor nodded to the door.

I raised an eyebrow at the two women, but they seemed pretty insistent. So, I simply shrugged, walked over to the door, and flung it open.

Instantly, my jaw hit the floor.

I was staring out at the exterior wall of my castle. We were back in the Fourth Circle.

“W-Why didn’t you tell us about this before?” I sputtered as I flipped back around and stared down the Demon Queen. “That could have saved us a lot of pain and suffering, you know.”

“How so?” Lilith asked in a hurt voice. “I couldn’t get you inside of the hidden bunker, and even if I had just taken you to the third ring of the Seventh Circle, it would have completely fucked everything up. You wouldn’t have gotten to meet Abaddon, who you now know is not to be trusted. But, more importantly, you know something else that could be instrumental in his downfall … ”

“His temper,” I noted.

“And his trolling ability,” Todd added, “it’s always suuuuper easy to bait a troll, Maleficent. I totally do it all the time on my blogs and podcasts.”

“Precisely,” Lilith agreed. “Also, the harpies would still be at full force, and the Shades within the Seventh Circle wouldn’t trust you as a kind and merciful Demon King. Now that all of this has been done, the seeds have been sewn for Abaddon’s downfall.”

“What about Beelzebub?” I sighed. “We’re so close to finally bringing down that son of a bitch.”

“We will deal with the Lord of the Flies first,” Lilith reassured me, “then, if Abaddon decides to become a problem, we shall deal with him, as well. But not right now. You are nowhere near powerful enough to take on Beelzebub.”

“Excuse me?” I shot back at the Demon Queen. “We’ve now killed not one, not two, but three Demon Kings. My army is growing by the day, and I’ve been able to grow my alliances from all angles and power myself up with all these new Demon Lords. How could I be any more ready?”

“When you fought Beelzebub on Earth,” Lilith explained, “he wasn’t as strong as he is now. Down in the Eighth Circle, surrounded by all his soldiers, he is ten times more powerful than any demon you’ve faced so far. And that includes Baphomet and Gressil.”

“So, what would you have me do?” I repeated. “Do we just keep training? We’ve already been doing that for months.”

“Yes,” the Demon Queen smiled, “but not in the way you’re thinking. You need to expand your power set, and I know the perfect way to make it happen.”

“What, do you want me to create more Demon Lords?” I suggested. “Maybe that’ll stir something in me, and I can learn lime green or blue Hellfire or something like that.”

“Ohhhhhh,” Todd giggled, “maybe you’ll totally learn how to combine everything into some super badass rainbow fire. But if that happens, you totally gotta sing that remix of ‘What’s Up’ every time you fire it off. You know the one I’m talking about, bro.”

“No, Todd,” Libidine gasped in realization, “I think Lilith is talking about Jacob’s other power. The one he hasn’t tried to use in years.”

“The one that showed up in our first adventure and then totally disappeared?” Todd asked curiously. “The one we just pretend doesn’t exist?”

“That’s the one,” Lilith confirmed.

“Holy shit,” I muttered, and a sense of dread came over me as I realized what they were talking about.

Back when I was first learning my Hellfire powers, I experimented with every type of magic Cupi and Liby knew, and there was one that took me to an evil place, a place I still saw in my nightmares from time to time.

If I wanted to defeat Beelzebub once and for all, I was going to have to use my black Hellfire.

I was going to have to unlock the powers of the Shadow World.

End Book 12

End Notes

Thank you for reading Succubus Lord 12! I’ll start writing the next book as soon as this one has one-hundred reviews. So please leave a nice review here!

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Copyright © 2019 by Eric Vall